Because it’s Friday AGAIN. And because traditions are important. In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
So I know that usually when I talk about the hard stuff in my week it’s mostly the big kind of “hard”.
The big kind?
You know, existential angst. Things going horribly wrong.
Missing my friend who is dead and wanting him back. Stuff like that.
Of course there’s some regular old “This happened and I found it challenging” or some CrankyPants McGrumbleBug kvetching but it doesn’t take over my week.
It did this week though. So have patience with me and wait for the good because there’s a lot of it. And I’ll try to go back to Challenging Life Issues next week. Sigh.
The hard stuff
My site getting hijacked by Russian hackers, may they all be impotent forever.
Yep. They hacked my site and planted links to Russian porn sites on every single page. As well as some extra folders full of spamtastic crap, just for fun.
Ugh.
It’s creepy. And weird.
Like someone breaking into your house but then not stealing anything. But leaving half-eaten bowls of cornflakes in your cupboards and empty cigarette packs in your dog’s water bowl.
And we don’t even have cornflakes. Or a dog.
I HATE THEM.
Things change. But why? It is so very hard to deal with.
This is small, petty stuff, but I really don’t care.
After we kicked out the evil sexpot-bots, we upgraded to the very latest edition of WordPress.
And gaaaaaaaaaah, I can’t find anything I need.
The “manage posts” tab which is the single thing I click the most in my life no longer exists.
Now I need to click “edit” which — to me, at least — does not sound as though it will help me do the thing I want to do which is to manage the damn posts.
It’s like walking into your house and finding out that someone moved all the furniture around and said “Isn’t this so much better?”
And you’re thinking, I think I liked this house way better when it had a bathroom.
And then more things change.
Yes, still petty. I am not done with the petty. Sorry.
One of my favorite things to read when I’m feeling picky and irritable is Amelie Gillette’s wonderful column ‘The Hater’.
It used to be that when something (oh, say Russian porn hackers … or WordPress) got on my nerves that I would head over and read some of her vitriolic hating.
Of course I never understand most of it, since I don’t have a television and am frightfully unaware of most pop culture references.
But she’s a terrific writer and somehow reading her flow of hate always eases whatever annoyances I’m dealing with, and I laugh and feel better.
Here’s how it used to work. I’d open up the Hater page and read three or four columns in a row. You know, just scrolling down the page.
But they redid the AVclub site and now you only get excerpts of each post. You have to click through individually for each one.
And I never really have patience to click through. Even though they’re good. Even though I’ll probably enjoy reading the rest.
My favorite “cheer me up” site is now all choppy and broken up and unappealing. WHY?
By now everyone should know that having to click a link to continue reading the thing you started is the online equivalent of walking three blocks without a jacket to buy someone a sandwich. Don’t make me click!!!
Guilt, I guess. And some sadness
Even though taking a sabbatical from email is totally one of the smartest business moves I’ve ever made, part of me still feels kind of bad about it.
I wasn’t really aware that I was feeling bad because I was so busy feeling good, but yeah, it was totally there.
My gentleman friend reported that several times this week I sat upright in the middle of the night, wild-eyed and apparently wide awake, and proclaimed loudly:
“People need me to answer them!”
I have zero recollection of this but I believe it.
Sad face.
The good stuff
No email!.
Oh. My. God.
On Monday I announced that I was taking a year’s sabbatical from email, which was a really scary thing to say and everyone was awesome about it.
And then I was expecting that Marissa would have to spend her entire week writing answers to all the “But you’ll still answer this one, right?” emails.
But it didn’t happen. It was blissfully quiet. And peaceful. People wrote support questions directly to Marissa if they had them.
And that was it. I should have done this two years ago. I seriously didn’t realize that all I had to do was ask.
Time! Like, on my hands. It’s the best thing ever.
This is like quitting smoking and then randomly having fifteen shekels when you need them.
I have had so much time this week. Not reading email. Not answering email. Not crafting answers in my head. Not drafting apologies.
Instead I’ve been hanging out at the Kitchen Table. I’ve been writing. I’ve been thinking.
I went for a long walk yesterday in the middle of the day and didn’t even feel guilty.
The joy. It is outrageous and all-consuming.
La Calaca Comelona.
Or as we call it, the Bony Mexican. Which sounds horribly inappropriate but it really has to do with the fact that I can never remember what the restaurant is called.
The part of my brain that actually remembers taking two years of Spanish at Tel Aviv University knows it means the “Hungry Skeleton”.
But the rest of me knows that it has something to do with bones and that they have amazing Mexican food.
So I said to my gentleman friend, “Let’s go to that bony Mexican place” and it all went downhill from there.
Anyway, we went there with Ez. And our friend Denise. Both of whom will have websites very, very soon and I’ll finally be able to link to them.*
* It actually hurts my fingers that I can’t do that right this second.
Haven’t been there since Melle was in town forever ago. Yum.
Ez lives here now!
I know I said this last week but having my brother living with us is just the best thing ever.
Everything is funnier, for one thing.
And I could not be happier about it.
Selma and I were in the Oregonian.
This didn’t even happen this week but I forgot to mention last week because I was so upset about all the stuff I was getting in my inbox.
Anyway, my duck and I were on the front page of the Healthy/Wellness section of the Oregonian. Same article as in the New York Times but a terrific picture of Selma.
In close-up, sitting on my hand. Very nice.
The article also generated a few sales, some odd queries and some people who want to meet me. Also the weirdest thing ever to be left in the “comments” part of the online shopping cart:
“Read about you in the Oregonian. This better work.”
Awesome. That’s exactly why I tell my clients to grow their community of clients, customers and fans slowly and organically instead of trying to get a bunch of random outside attention.
The people who hang out here on the blog generally already feel like they’ve gotten their money’s worth before they even buy something, if/when that time should come. Whereas total strangers don’t even know if they’re your Right People yet.
Anyway, it’s still cool that we were in the paper.
Visit to the tax lady.
This was also hard because we really, really, really miss Diane who was our tax lady when we lived in California.
To the point that we almost didn’t want to move because not driving to Oakland to have Diane do our taxes seemed like the most depressing and awful thing ever.
Also hard because it’s kind of like going to the doctor. Like, let me get this straight … I’m paying you to see me naked and find out how much I weigh?
But it still counts as the good part because last year my gentleman friend had to do ten minutes of acupuncture on me before I could even walk through the door. And this year I didn’t need any. Ha.
Not to say that I wasn’t slightly a wreck, because I was. But I wasn’t a huge, impossible wreck. Progress, baby.
I’m giving a talk this evening at Jennifer Louden’s Comfort Retreat.
There’s really nothing more exciting than having someone I completely admire invite me to talk in front of a gazillion people about the stuff I care about most.
Working through fear (but not trying to stomp on it), and shifting stucknesses without hating yourself for having them.
Or something. I’m not entirely sure what I’m going to be talking about but I am absolutely convinced that we’re going to have an amazing time. I love Jen madly and her work is ridiculously inspiring.
Catch you tonight? Because that would be really, really great.
That’s it for me …
And yes yes yes, of course you can join in my Friday ritual right here in the comments bit if you feel like it.
Yeah? Anything hard and/or good happen in your week?
And, as always, have a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious weekend. And a happy week to come.
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Good morning! Lots of changes talked about in this post! Change, even if we choose it, can be so hard because it’s disconcerting and disrupts the patterns we’ve made.
When Pete and I got married almost 3 years ago, even though we chose it, and agreed that we would live here, and that we would sell a lot of our (well, mostly my, as it turns out) stuff, and on…and on… And we had teenagers resisting…and in-laws… Honestly, it seemed like we were the only ones who bought into what we were trying to build. And then seeing all my stuff laid out like I had died when the estate sale people we hired to help us merge the households. !!! I went into a tizz and a funk because I was also upset that I was so attached to all my belongings, and was mourning their going, and saying goodbye to my competent, independent single life. And even though I really love this man and this life we’re putting together, and I’m so grateful, it’s still bittersweet remembering the time before this.
Really something, isn’t it, all these changes? Maybe this is what our parents used to call getting or being set in our ways, hey? Anyway, I see your feelings! It’s good to look back for a bit, but better to look around at the now, no matter how strong the pull from back there is.
Betsy Wuebkers last blog post..REQUIEM FOR RYAN
oooh okay, joining in officially for the first time ever 🙂
The Hard:
Having to make a big decision with my heart saying yes and my head saying Whoa there girly. People at work teasing me endlessly about said big decision when they found out I had made it. They love me really.
Writing honestly and vulnerably about expressing myself.
Having a tricky conversation with a friend.
The Good:
Making the big decision and feeling glad I did. Being gentle with my fear and giving myself time to make the big scary decision.
The huge amount of support I recieved when I wrote my post, and my sore throat went away, which means I was right about why it was still sore.
Resolving the problem with said friend that she wouldn’t have brought up if I hadn’t trusted my judgement and asked.
Finding a gorgeous party frock, with butterflies on it.
IT’S FRIDAY!
Best of luck to you and Selma for your session with Jen Louden. That’s going to be some rock your socks retreat with the both of you there.
Wormys last blog post..Stuck of the Day
I too hate it when you have to “click thru” to read the full blog post. I like to read the whole thing in google reader. I do not want to feel manipulated into visiting your site (I will do that if I want to post a comment however, like now).
Hope you’ve got rid of the Russian sex pests. I now have a horrible vision of Vladimir Putin dressed in bondage gear :shudders:
Kates last blog post..Under (re)construction
I’m going to start doing my own review of the week on Friday now.
It’s amazing how being hacked feels like personal invasion. I’ve been through similar and it gives me chills. I’ve been following Ez on Twitter and indeed, he makes it funnier!
My hard –
Lots of stuck. I’ve been working on the pitch and the writer’s bio with GirlPie and every stage was filled with agonising “don’t do this” from some place in my head. Destuckifying was thoroughly exhausting. Then today’s podcast went up as the unedited version. It wasn’t good at all!
My good –
I’ve been invited back to a literary festival I appeared at last year as a guest author.
We got the writer’s bio sorted! YAY!
I did manage to destuckify with some huge blocks falling away. One is on the way now.
The podcast is up and it sounds good now.
It’s Friday. It’s good. I get to read my book and meditate and be peaceful. Yay!
Joely Blacks last blog post..From stuckification to biggification in one smooth(ish) move
@Kate – Thanks, darling. Now I HAVE VLADIMIR PUTIN DRESSED IN BONDAGE GEAR in my head and it’s all your fault.
This is disastrous! 🙂
But yay for weekly check-ins! And yay for not having to click through to something unless you feel like it.
Since you brought up an understanding of a slightly similar annoyance we share I have to tell you what Bloglines does to your blog. I don’t like clicking through either, except like Kate “when I want to comment”, so most blogs like that I refuse to follow. Bloglines does something totally different to your blog though…it doesn’t wrap the text! I have to use the bottom scroll bar and move left to right across the page to read the lines. This is the only blog I follow that does this. Why, oh why? I’m really glad you like white space because it helps my eyes not cross.
I’ve come to the conclusion that sometimes technology is evil. ::sigh::
Thanks for sharing the hack stuff. When someone I know gets hacked I think “Oh, they didn’t have their passwords set strong enough.” or “Hmmm, maybe someone they knew did it”. Then I start wondering if it happens to common people I know what would I do if it happened to me! Then I start breathing quicker.
Reading that it happened to someone like YOU – who I’m sure knows enough to have strong passwords and who I doubt would personally know a Russian sex-pot – well, that changes everything. Plus you survived it! SWEET.
@Sundie – I just had a tech-ey person check out the Bloglines thing and he said that if you unsubscribe and resubscribe it should fix that, and that bloglines is working fine with my feed for him. Try that and if not let me know!
And yeah, I also always shook my head at anyone who got hacked and thought they probably had an iffy password and good thing I am a password genius.
Sigh.
But it turned out not to be a big deal and nothing was lost or damaged, and all the yuck was just in my head, you know?
Really they’re just clueless spammers who don’t know another way of doing things.
Anyway, thanks for the up-cheering and the support!
Good Afternoon!
Ok, here’s my thingies.. or is it thingys? hmmm
The hard
Cleaning house of some emotional baggage and people that just were causing me more stress than anything else. Still working on a couple other *let go’s* that are hanging around.
Getting through the cold this week.. geesh! I’m happy it’s warmed up to 0 so far.
The Good
Cleaning house… as stated above. Feels good to get some things changed with me.
Putting some things into perspective and changing my over-thinking-over-analyzing patterns.
Removing myself from past *things* and *ideas* that aren’t good for me and don’t remind me of good things, only bad.
Feeling very good about what I have at this very moment in time; and how 2009 feels so freaking different from any other year.
Amy Mommaertss last blog post..Changing Direction – “Right Turn Clyde!” –>
I’m totally with everyone on the click-through blog posts. Ugh.
My week:
The hard stuff:
1. Feeling completely and utterly helpless in an ongoing family crisis, knowing that stepping in has a real potential to make things so much worse, but knowing that things cannot continue as they have been.
2. Still dealing with feeling that I am in over my head on a big project, although I know that’s not truly the case. I’m building these huge barriers in my head around this, telling myself that I am not capable, and I don’t really understand why.
The good stuff:
1. I met the goal I set for myself on the big project and was able to shut it out of my head entirely yesterday afternoon while I cleaned up some other loose ends and crossed a few manini things off my list. And that helped me come back to it with renewed energy today.
2. I fought inertia and fear of my nose freezing off and made it out to yoga this morning.
3. A rush project for February has been delayed (thankfully, not cancelled), so I’ll get a little breather after finishing the big project and starting that one.
Lori Paximadiss last blog post..Cleveland Handmade featured artist:Colleen Fitzpatrick
I must admit I have some ‘click-thrus’ but I try to only do it when the post is epicly long and someone would have to scroll for several seconds to find something else. Because several seconds of internet time can feel like hours of real time.
The Tough…
-Feeling shunned and abandoned all week.
-Boyfriend is contemplating getting a second job because we’re having trouble making all the bills since his hours were cut.
-Being consistently teased about marriage and wishing the whole situation would just settle already. It’s like waiting for toast to pop and discover if it’s golden or burned a carcinogenic wafer.
The Good…
-It’s been very pretty all week.
-I have a ‘pet’ cactus now, haven’t named it yet.
-Soon I’ll have a stand mixer, and then I can bake much more often, which will make me very happy.
-I’m going to jog this weekend, and try to make it habit to do it every day.
-There are always more lists to write.
Annie Blues last blog post..Hello Ugly.
Maybe you could just soften the bad mental picture to Gorbachev in a tasteful pink feather boa.
Sorry, probably not helpful.
Yuk to gross spam, yay to freedom, double yuk to changing interfaces. It’s like the MS Word thing. I don’t even hate MS, but why IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY AND DECENT do they think every professional on the face of the planet wants to learn a new interface to their word processing software? It really doesn’t make a lot of sense, now does it?
I’m going to have to think about Kruschev in fishnets to cheer myself up. xoxo
Sonia Simone | Remarkable Communications last blog post..The Mad Ninja Skill for Getting Anything Done
the hard:
I got sick, and spent most of the week either asleep or in bed or foggy. Ick.
the good:
I got a bicycle! (Dru got one, too.) I’m super excited about getting out riding it all over the place. When I was a kid, my bike was my freedom. It was everything and took me everywhere. I’m really happy about having one again, after a 15 year hiatus. (:
We also got our house. We’re renting, but I’m so excited to be out of an apartment and into a space more suited to us. I took your advice and wrote a want-ad for a house, and this one fits nearly all the requirements. I was flexible on the ones it didn’t fit. (: We get the key the day before you visit, so maybe we can take you on a tour of it!
Kyelis last blog post..Introducing Book Bonanza Wednesdays! Chapter 1: The usual error
Your Russian invasion brought up an old memory from my time in the Peace Corps. Back when I was living in West Africa, I came home from teaching on day to find my house had been broken into, and all my cash in Guinean Francs was missing. The only other thing missing was in the kitchen. Someone had used my knife to cut a banana in half, and had left the peels. I thought, who DOES that? Who goes into someone’s house and cuts a banana in HALF before eating it? They actually tracked down who did it that day, and it turned out to be twin 14-year-old boys. I still smile when I think of them standing in my kitchen, each of them chewing thoughtfully on half a banana, looking around at my American posters.
Hi Havi: The best part of my week happened on Thursday when I reconnected with intermediate school friends thru the awesomeness of the internet. Truly, the best stuff was just catching up and finding out there’s lots to chat about despite all the missed years in between.
Hi Havi-
Cheers. Yes, thanks for that Russion visual. Hoping I won’t have nightmares. I think that puts a damper on my last blog post on the Soviet Girls Camps in Michigan.
I didn’t read your bit on email until now, so you’re off the hook for having to send me a reply. I’ll just have to connect via bloggosphere. You write good stuff as always. I’ll still feel compelled to send you nutty twittering links now and again however. It’s important to have the right people on the bus….
dpauls last blog post..The Curious Case of Defunct Soviet Girls Camps in Michigan
The Hard Stuff: Having to take blood tests every Monday for the next few weeks 45 min. away from home because the life threatening illness that is now just a pain in the ass but could turn back into a life threatening illness at any second WITHOUT MY KNOWING IT shook its finger at me.
The metaphorical equivalent of planning a party and no one showing up.
Lots of painful discussion with beloved hubby (and kidney donor) about expectations and the burden of having potential that is not lived up to or something like that. As a direct result of this blog. No, really, I’m glad it came up.
Realizing I have burdened my son who is a senior in high school with those same well-intentioned expectations.
Just plain old-fashioned stuckness. I’m on day 3 without a shower and wearing the same pair of sweatpants. I may not have brushed my teeth yesterday…shudder. (I’m sure this validates my husband’s fears that if he accepts where I am I’ll turn into a burrito. Am I the only one who thinks that sounds vaguely sexual and not completely bad?)
Prospect promising to call back by Wednesday and blowing me off…and my calls. And my emails.
Good Stuff: I got to move from the closed waiting room just off the kitchen at Havi and Selma’s to the table (yippee! And thanks for working with me on the payments.)
Big move here – gave myself permission to be stuck yesterday. The day didn’t turn out materially different than previous days, just without the butterflies of guilt for company. I guess that is materially different.
(This is turning into a blog post but I feel compelled to balance out the hard stuff)
Realizing we only overspent for Christmas by a few hundred (OK, I’m reaching).
Phew! Glad that’s off my chest. Hugs about the pesky ruskies (no offense anyone). Personally, I’m going with the leather babushka. mmm…
Oh yes. Between that and the sexy burrito, I’ll have a lot to think about this weekend.
@LeAnne – wow, that’s a lot of stuff to have happen in a week. I’m going to talk about the thing you brought up (also what you expressed so beautifully in yesterday’s comment) on the blog this week, or next week.
Good for you for all the good … and hugs with all the hard.
@dpaul – I LOVE being on your bus, my dear.
@claire – hooray!
@Kyeli – Wow. Can’t wait to see the house when I come visit!
@Kelly – Ohmygosh, what a powerful story. And what a bizarre, uncomfortable situation. I can’t believe they left the peel.
@Annie, Lori and Amy – thanks for checking in with me. I LOVE it when people do Friday Chicken with me! Cheering with you for all the good and sending you love for all the hard.
It’s a lot you guys are going through. Just wow.
@Sonia – “a tasteful pink boa” … and that’s why I adore you. I ADORE YOU!
oh dear oh dear I have click through posts… I don’t like them either but my webgoddess does… I’ll try and change it 🙁
have a great weekend !
Ha ! I’ve managed to get rid of click through for new posts but not the old ones….
creativevoyages last blog post..Honouring your Inspirations