Because it’s Friday AGAIN. And because traditions are important. In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
Right.
So last week I made brave statements about how I wasn’t going to spend my Friday check-in (or chicken, if you prefer) complaining about being in pain.
And I’m quite proud of myself for lasting a whole week, but that’s as far as it goes.
We are going to have to talk about the pain.
The hard
Did I mention the pain!?!
Adjusting to this new and (she types hopefully) temporary handicap…
Yes, I’m trying on hopeful, but I keep getting distracted by how hard it is.
Also, I’m learning just how much I think with my hands.
I’m pretty good at not talking with my hands — as long as I’m not speaking Hebrew.
But talking to a client without taking notes? Even thinking to myself or teasing out an idea… I don’t know how to do it without simultaneously scribbling like mad. My hands want to move and write and create. And they can’t.
Talking posts instead of typing them is a nightmare. It takes twice as long to come up with something half as good.
My writing style is “edit as you go”. Yes, I know that most everyone advises against this, but that’s what works for me. I write fastest, most happily and most in flow when I can play as I go. That’s what’s fun for me. Sculpting and polishing. Leaping and retreating.
I love to write so much. And now I can’t.
I mean, obviously I’m doing it right now. But because I’m speaking it — and because editing as I go is way too complicated for Stu (as I’ve provisionally named my text-to-speech software) — what comes out is something that is never quite the thing I want.
But of course I can’t not write.
Words and ideas flow out of me completely of their own accord and not giving them voice is the most painful thing I can think of. Well, second to the moment right after I take my arms out of the ice bath.
The ice baths.
Did I say massage therapist? Because I meant to say my Dungeon Master.
Every two hours I have to plunge my arms in a bath of ice and Epsom salt.
I’ve nothing else to say about this other than that it’s the bane of my existence and it had better freaking help. Because it hurts. So. Much.
The identity crisis.
Not being able to really work or write or do the things that I normally do during the day is wreaking havoc on my sense of what my work is really about.
I’m sure things will clear up and find their way into right relationship. In the meantime, all this transition and newness is a little too much for me.
Can we move on to the good now? I’m ready for it.
The good
Making a difference.
So Naomi and I did our “let’s not be impressed by the recession” call on Wednesday.
And it was so much fun! You wouldn’t think that talking about something so depressing would be fun at all, but we came up with so many ideas and so much inspiration. And we just had a good time.
We’ve been getting some amazing feedback — pretty much everyone reported burning through pages and pages of notes, and are now taking steps and getting stuff done and feeling good about life in general.
I can’t think of anything better than that.
Cairene MacDonald rocks my world.
I’m taking her class on having a better relationship with time and where it goes. And I also signed up for six coaching sessions.
Wow.
We did the first one this week, and I’m already feeling more positive about the possibility of making useful changes than I’ve ever been before.
She’s so not one of those rah-rah cheerleader coaches. She totally gets how I think, and all of her suggestions and insights are remarkably useful for me.
Also she gave me official permission to not have to make lists and then prioritize the things on them. Ha! I hate prioritizing things and every single book I’ve ever read about time management tells me I have to. Oh my god — awesome.
Ezra still lives here!
Still great. Still fun.
This week we went and invented a new dance form. Had some crazy pun runs with my gentleman friend. And went on a Walking Expotition to North Portland.
Also, he’s earning his keep by making a variety of cheeses, which endears him to us even more. If you can imagine such a thing.
This isn’t really a good thing, but …
Yes, since I am not in the most cheerful of moods and cannot come up with any more good things…
I thought I’d entertain you with some of the more amusing things that Stu (my voice to text software — yes, it’s short for “work, you Stupid piece of crap!”) has come up with this week:
- It’s turned “dignify” into “deify”,
- Bullshit into Bolshevik,
- Massage therapist into mustached checklist,
- Avoidance into “avoid the ends”,
- And hurt and disappointment into “her dentist appointment”.
Oh, and here’s my all-time favorite. Every single time I DM Naomi on Twitter to say, “What do you think?” it somehow becomes “What Steve think?”
I quite enjoy thinking that I’m the sort of person who says “What Steve think?”
And that Naomi is the sort of person who could answer that.
That’s it for me …
And yes yes yes, of course you can join in my Friday ritual right here in the comments bit if you feel like it.
Yeah? Anything hard and/or good happen in your week?
And, as always, have a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious weekend. And a happy week to come.
Follow
Havi?
Why do your arms hurt?
RSI (or whatever it’s called in english, this disease that happens if you work behind a computer too much)?
I don’t think I’ve left a comment before so I’d like to add I LOVE your blog. I am kinda counting on my reading of your blog to find back my courage to have a blog again someday soon.
The last one died of a lack of focus, and lack of readers due to maybe too much personal information? But mostly, I now realize it died of insufficient internal support and knowledge about how to continue to be brave enough to send my words at the world but more importantly, at my ‘close’ people, who are mostly highly critical academics).
Anyway, you rock.
Have a great weekend!
Hannahs last blog post..In the absence of new posts…
Hi Darling,
I am so, so sorry about the pain you are having in your sweet, sweet arms. And not being able to write and create in the way that you are used to????? AAAARGHH…. I am in sympathetic distress with you just thinking about it!!!
I have also had the other kind of physical pain. One time I had an excruciating and crippling back spasm for 9 MONTHS!! But it did eventually get better even though there were many times when I wasn’t too sure that was ever going to happen.
I am sending you more love and more healing and more prayers and angels and just whatever it takes. Because you are just the bestest of the westest!!! ( Don’t try that one with Stu, though.)
Hugs and love,
Chris
chris zydels last blog post..CATASTROPHES R ( NO LONGER) US
The Hard… my husband is moving out this week. We’re separating. Soo, so much hard.
The Good… met my new therapist and I’m pretty thrilled about the way that went. I think she can really help me.
Also had three pain-free days due to my beautiful chiropractor.
I also spread the Havi-lovin’ to my best friend who’s been having a lot of difficulties with his Fear and his old patterns. I think sweet Havi and lovely duckling is just what he needs.
Ouch, dear! The thought of that makes me want to stop typing forever. I never never NEVER want to have to plunge any part of my body into pools of ice. Not ever.
Thinking warm thoughts for you. Maybe hypnotism would be better, but that’s all I’ve got.
Sarah Brays last blog post..Year Two Jam Session
Argh. I am so sorry about the pain. And the ice baths. And the Dungeon Master. It all sounds totally sucktastic. And I hope it all goes away soon.
> Massage therapist into mustached checklist
Seriously? One of the funniest things I’ve read in a long time! I had a mouthful of tea, and nearly choked, and then nearly spit it out. It was totally one of those squint-really-tight-and-cover-my-mouth-with-both-hands moments.
Thankfully, no choking. Or spitting. Just a dribble of pomegranate green tea down my chin instead. (Pass me a napkin please?)
Here are some hugs (gift wrapped in a hand-painted Chinese take out container) and a big wish that sucktastic turns into ducktastic with the quickness.
Honey, you rock *my* world. That I rock your world at all between the ice baths, just makes me blush.
And to everyone reading this: you don’t have to rank your lists either. Seriously. There are other ways to go about it. I grant you all permission to stop “prioritizing” that way if you don’t like it any more than Havi does 🙂
Cairene MacDonalds last blog post..When Mood and Desire Are More Alike Than Not
Thank you for all that you write, and speak. I’m sorry a physical condition is preventing you from doing what brings you joy and satisfaction. I understand and am sending some healing energy your way.
A special thanks for writing about how you write, editing as you go. This is how I work best as well, despite what ‘they’ say. I’m now in a place where it doesn’t matter what ‘they’ say about the proper way to write, but I felt supported when I read that you write against-the-grain as well.
Ouch. Ouchouchouch.
Havi, as a fellow carpal-tunnel sufferer, I want to argue with the ice baths. I know your massage therapist is undoubtedly wonderful, BUT – I’ve always found cold to make my carpal tunnel much, much, as in LOTS, worse.
I wear a little knitted wristlet instead to keep my wrist nice and warm, and that feels SOOO much better.
Also, I can abso-lutely recommend the Kinesis keyboard. Many years ago I was an overworked programmer putting in way too many consecutive hours over consecutive months at the keyboard. Thus, my carpal tunnel syndrome. The nice people in Risk Management at the company I worked for at the time bought me a Kinesis ergonomic keyboard. I know you’re going for the speech-to-text thing, and I know you work on a laptop at a non-desk desk, and I still suggest you look at it as a MUCH BETTER alternative to writing.
Really.
http://www.kinesis-ergo.com/ You want the “contoured” keyboard (silly website designers won’t let me give you the direct link). It’ll drive you absolutely mad for about a month, and then you won’t know how you survived without it. I LOVE mine, and I’m quite certain it saved me from surgery.
On lists: I gave up lists altogether. It’s the most amazing, freeing thing!
Grace Judsons last blog post..Enough Already
Hard: A week’s worth of paralyzed agony over a bad, bad money situation I’m pretty sure I can’t resolve.
Good: My first week as a daily 10 minute Shivanaut, which led to
Hard: the firm conviction that there is a RIGHT way to do Shiva Nata wrong, which leads to enlightenment, and a WRONG way to do it wrong–the way I’m doing it, of course–which leads to me being just an arm-waving idiot with fewer and fewer clues the longer I 1-2, 2-3, 3-4, 4-1.
I did have one slightly recycled epiphany, though: “right” and “left” mean absolutely nothing to me. Every time I ask myself, “Left? Right?” my brain says, “Ummmmm. Which hand holds the pen? Don’t rush me! Wait, I know this. Umm. Oh, that one!”
Melyndas last blog post..Dirt Cupcakes
Havi, Hooray – you named it. Even if it is a stupid piece of crap, now (at least) it’s a stupid piece of crap with a name. That must be a little better, right?
Anyway, I think it’s awesome that despite the pain, you are still keeping your sense of humor. It’s a great lesson for us all. Feel the pain. Keep going anyway.
Thanks!
Best, Wendy
P.S. One of my clients in Southern Oregon has done a lot of work with pain and its remedies. In case you are looking for resources, he has a book on Fibromyalgia: http://www.drdryland.com
Wendy Maynards last blog post..Entrepreneurial Lesson #2: Every Relationship Matters
I named a wild rabbit Stu once. Because that’s what he would have become had he eaten our vegetables. He turned out to be a good rabbit. He ate the weeds growing between the patio stones. I would like him to come back.
Sorry about the pain.
JoVEs last blog post..Dear phone provider…
I’m sorry to hear your arms still hurt, Havi. It must be so frustrating — I can’t imagine how I would deal with it. Probably much less gracefully than you are.
The hard this week:
– Fighting crazy amounts of irritation toward random customer service people at every turn. I’ve worked customer service, so I know what they deal with and I don’t want to be “that customer,” but I swear everyone’s head is in a fog this week. Or maybe a bucket of cement. I’m trying hard to be patient and shoe on the other foot and all that, but sheesh.
– The deer are eating everything in sight, even the things they aren’t supposed to touch with a ten-foot pole. I love this house, but having to give up gardening as I know it makes it hard to love it fully.
The good:
– I sent off some samples to a new customer who, if she likes them, could turn into a big customer. I bent over backward on the customer service for this one, and I’m hoping it pays off.
– I am finally painting my office, the minute I finishing typing this comment. I can’t take the former owners’ depressing color one more second.
Lori Paximadiss last blog post..The Time Has Come
Oh, and yeah, one more good: the conference call on Wednesday. I had to hang up before it was over because I had a class to teach, but I got a LOT of great stuff out of the call and heard a few things I really needed to hear. Thank you.
Lori Paximadiss last blog post..The Time Has Come
Hey! I loved the call too. It was sooo helpful! 🙂
I had a pretty good week, despite feeling a little bit under the weather physically. Your post on Avoidance earlier this week *really and truly* WORKED ON ME. Like, in the moment. Reading it was an active healing process. Seriously, you are the only writer I can say that about!
Anyway I let myself feel the fear. Ding! And it was fine, way better than fighting it. And then of course I ended up doing a lot of writing this week, which felt really good. 🙂
I hope your sweet wrists feel better soon. *kisses*
Eileens last blog post..Getting fixed.
The call Wednesday was fantastic, I am so glad I found out about it in time! Yesterday I made some updates to my Etsy, added to my Twitter profile, made some notes as to changes for my website, and blogged a new venture I am excited about. All inspired by the phone call. I was able to get to the studio and work without all the baggage of “you need to be doing something to take action about your career” because, hey, I *did*! What a wonderful sense of accomplishment. Thank you thank you thank you!
The good, in addition to above: 60F today and 70F forecast for tomorrow, I actually saw *green grass* today on the ride into town, my husband got a second interview from his first interview today (he has been unemployed/underemployed since December of 2006), my son sold the sculptures he made for my friends at stitch n bitch.
Sending good thoughts for strong healthy wrists. 🙂 Oh, and I saw a Selma lookalike Pez at Kroger yesterday 😀
Andis last blog post..Portrait Commissions
@Andi: a Selma look-alike Pez?! Wow. Also nicely done with all of your getting stuff done *and* not feeling guilty. and your husband getting a second interview. That’s absolutely brilliant!
@JoVE: I just laughed so hard about Stu. I’m glad you didn’t eat him. If I understood correctly. If you did eat him don’t tell me! 🙂
@Wendy: oh my goodness, I completely forgot to mention that you were the one who gave me the idea of naming him. You get full credit for Stu!
@LA Feaz: glad to know there is another person out there doing it “wrong” with me! I can’t stand it when people tell me I have to get out the whole first draft without fussing, when the editing as I go is half the pleasure. Sigh.
@R: sorry to hear you’re going through so much hard and glad about the chiropractor. Wishing you luck and love with all of it!
@Hannah: hi! Glad to meet you here… in a manner of speaking! *waves*
You guys are all so wonderfully reassuring. I would write more but between Stu and the microphone I’m starting to go a little crazy. Thanks for all the love and the suggestions and for being with me in the hard and in the good.
2D most adored ms brooks
okay, now i haven’t read through the comments and no doubt this has already been said … but DARLIN’ [and totally NOT to diminish THE HARD] but “to come up with something half as good” … from one on the receiving end, what comes out is RICH with who-is-havi … totally!
& for the record, if there is ONE BIT that freezes my brain beyond fear … it is having to reinvent ThePen&TheKeyboard … u continue to rock!
a multitude of overlaps n’ waves
huge hugs and appreciations
Here’s a good thing that happened this week.
I’d gone out on a limb, sent a nice note to someone I’d met at a fundraiser shindig for my kids’ community theater, asked if we could get together for some coffee and stuff. General networking stuff, right? That was easy.
But this woman is freaking HUGE in the legal and nonprofit scene here. We are talking total power chick. Approachable, but not someone whose time you’d want to waste.
So I’m at the coffee joint a bit early, and I catch myself feeling uneasy, and I’m thinking what is the deal with that? A micro-Remembrance reveals that I’m completely intimidated and resisting it.
My new pal walks in, we make some small talk, and she asks after a minute what I wanted to talk to her about. I lean forward and blurt out: “I want to be like YOU when I grow up!”
Tension released. Power relationship acknowledged. Freakout right there on the table where everyone can laugh at it. Good meeting, nice ideas exchanged, everyone happy.
Hey Havi, what were you saying about talking to your fear and finding out what it had to say?
The hard was a tough love message from my accountant. I went into a pretty huge funk for a couple days.
But, now being on the other end of it, I learned so much about myself and what I want to commit to. I learned how to ask for help, listen to suggestions openly, figure out which ones were helpful and which ones not so much without judging the other person or myself. Pretty great stuff coming from that tough love message of his.
I also learned more about accepting responsibility for my life, letting go of relationships that don’t work, and trusting myself to flourish in all aspects of my life.
The biggest plus for me was just stepping back from my life and marvelling at how much I love being me and how grateful I am so many blessings.
I’ve read some really amazing stuff – from you Havi and others – and am very grateful for all the supportive internet relationships I have.
I am an author groupie by nature and the quality of my reading material is simply awesome – there are some incredibly brilliant minds in the world that I somehow have been lucky enough to come across.
Sending love to you and your beautiful arms, Havi. It’s amazing that Stu has survived in tact for as long as he has considering your frustration – I think Stu’s very lucky that you have such a good sense of humor.
By the way, I look forward every week to reading your Friday blog and summing up my experiences for the week. I also love reading about how other’s weeks have been – I learn so much just from being here. You’ve made a great contribution to this world by sharing yourself with us – you’re too awesome for words.
xoxoxox
I love reading your blog.
I STILL am attached to email.
I STILL spend too much time on the computer.
An previous chiropractor of mine, Dr. James Dray, invented a wrist strap that he never marketed as well as it deserved. I got several of his practice versions, most of which I can’t find since I moved four or five times since then.
The straps do show up now and then and ease my carpal tunnel leanings.
You can buy it at Niche Pharmacy. 1-800-677-0355. They are on Central Standard Time. Now probably Central Daylight Time.
Here is the website that explains:
http://www.thechirodoc.com/wristreleve.html
This has worked for me.
I am sure he doesn’t even remember me from about ten years ago when I moved (and moved and moved and moved) out of the area.
Be careful about sizing. I thought I had smaller wrists than I actually do. The small size popped off while I was typing. The larger size worked. The pads on the strap are movable.
I also send you love and healing and hugs.
All the best,
Evy
currently in the Pacific Northwest