Because it’s Friday AGAIN. And because traditions are important. In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
So yes, it’s not exactly Friday yet. But I’m so damn glad this week is over that we’re officially ending it early.
You heard me, week. We are through.
Yes.
The hard stuff
Exhausted and miserable.
Too much traveling. Too much working.
And now I’ve had four days of foggy-head where my brain doesn’t function.
Body is protesting.
And very loudly at that.
It is not fun.
Piles and piles of things wanting me to make decisions on them but my fog-head can’t make decisions right now.
Knowing that people are waiting on these decisions and wanting to give them… so hard.
And the longer I wait, the more things need deciding.
It’s getting to be kind of ridiculous.
Upset with myself for not taking care of myself.
And then paying the price.
Tried to fit too much in. Too much traveling, teaching and visiting of people.
Overdid it. Did not respect the bedtime.
And now everything hurts.
Unhappy about something.
But not able to talk about it yet.
And yes, pulled over in the airport line again.
Though not personally searched, gott sei dank.
But still. Every damn time. I can’t go through without them taking my bags apart.
And then they had to think out loud about the channukiah:
“Well, a menorah IS a religious object, so that should be okay, I guess. We just have to check that you can’t hurt anyone…with this gigantic hunk of metal…”
Nice.
The good stuff
Everyone loves the sovereignty boots.
Including, as always, the TSA. This always makes me laugh. And it makes the hassle of having my bags searched yet again somewhat less irritating.
It’s usually the TSA ladies who drool over them but this time it was the boys.
TSA guy: “Wow, those were some boots you just took off.”
Me: “Yup!”
TSA guy: “Nice! Those heels are awesome. Are they comfortable?”
Me: “Very!”
Other TSA guy: “Well, they look great.”
Me: “I hear that every time I fly…”
First TSA guy: “I’m not surprised. They’re so pretty!”
It’s not always easy being a pirate queen, but the boots totally help.
Body protest turned out to be a good thing.
In a bold and daring coup, my body decided that it should get to be the CEO of my business for 2011.
And, weirdly, everyone was on board with that, so yay.
And even though the mandatory three days in bed was extremely frustrating, it turns out that having my body making all the executive decisions is kind of fantastic.
More about how that all came about next week.
Teaching in Sacramento was great fun.
Selma and I got to spend a brilliant day with three amazing women, working on their businesses in silly, unlikely, screwball ninja-fied ways.
And to teach Shiva Nata with a lovely group of people from all over California.
And a very fun afternoon with Michelle’s teacher-trainees at It’s All Yoga, teaching mindful biggification, destuckification and other good things.
They were also completely unfazed by the fact that I spent four hours pretending we were actually at a hamster tightrope-walking teacher training.
Which means Michelle must have warned them about me. Ahahahahahaha.
Love it.
Food!
Traveling kind of sucks because no matter how good the food is, it’s no match for the stuff my gentleman friend cooks.
But I still got to eat all sorts of delicious things and it was fun.
And then when I finally made it home, it just got better.
Being home.
My bed! My glorrrrrrrrrrrrious bed! My kingdom for my bed.
With flannel sheets and giant comforters.
Oh, there is nothing like bed.
And then to be back in Hoppy House, knowing that I don’t have to go anywhere for ages. Joy.
The new Timbers kit.
Because the only time you’ll hear me talk about fashion (my hot hot sovereignty boots aside) is when it’s football jerseys or roller derby drag.
Love the new jerseys. Love. And that’s not something you get to say a lot in Major League Soccer. Can’t wait for the season to start!
Hannukah.
Lights and pretty.
It’s a good holiday. Just in time.
There are a bunch of things I’m supposed to announce but I can’t remember what they are.
But I do know one of them.
This Toozday I’ll be doing a teleclass on how I process the process — that is to say, how I work on my stuff while trying to get stuff done.
It’s for people who have bought the processing the process ebook (this is a page I have never linked to before), and anyone who gets it by the end of the weekend will be invited to the call. So if you don’t have it, now is the time.
When my head clears I’ll try to remember what else is going on.
And … playing live at the meme beach house it’s the Fake Band of the Week!
My brother and I have this thing where we come up with ridiculous band names and then say in this really pretentious, knowing tone, “Oh, well, you know, it’s just one guy.”
I’m not sure what they sound like but I’m sure it’s rocking.
The Badass Bagel Brigade.
Best. Band. Ever. Except of course that it’s really just one guy.
And some of the lovely presents that arrived this week.
I haven’t been to the post office yet, so I have no idea what all is there.
But we have candles and sage and duck soap (from Michelle), and fabulous hats.
I will take them to the Playground tomorrow and there will be much rejoicing.
That’s it for me …
And yes yes yes, of course you can join in my Friday ritual right here in the comments bit if you feel like it.
Yeah? Anything hard and/or good happen in your week?
And, as always, have a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day and a restful weekend-ing.
And a happy week to come. Shabbat shalom.
Follow
the HARD stuff.
i had that ultra scary day of 5 interviews. and i bombed one of them, i’m pretty sure. so …bye bye job opportunity there.
and i’m now at work, at 8pm, making up for the fact that I took off last friday (with Havi!) and yesterday for said scary day.
and i’ve gained more weight from all the stress. and my apartment is in shambles. AHHH!
the GOOD stuff.
i felt pretty good about 4/5 interviews. in fact, i felt like a smarty pants. and so even though that job is out of the picture (well, not officially, but most likely)…i feel pretty good about doing more interviews. cause rumor has it, that’s about as hard as interviews get, and i didn’t die. I didn’t even faint. or hiccup, which is weird for me.
also….interview introduced me to 6 lovely people who love their jobs. as engineers….which reinforces my epiphany from friday that my choice of careers wasn’t wrong for me, it’s just the company. and that’s an easier change. and i’m worth it. sooo, january….you and me are going job shopping!
The hard stuff:
– I need to ask people for help. This scares me.
– Creating my super-cool e-course is much harder than I expected, and in different ways than I expected.
– I have a 5-year-old and a 2-year-old. I think that about sums it up.
The good stuff:
– Most people are very willing to help, once I ask.
– Other people are less scared to talk about money than I am.
– I got body butter that smells like cupcakes today, and I love it deeply.
– Candy cane ice cream. And it’s homemade.
Happy Chicken!
The Good
I did some important noticing this week. Noticing #1: Even when I think I’m breaking tasks into smaller pieces, I’m still biting off more than I can chew. This is important stuff! Noticing #2: I participated in a meeting that devolved into a lot of confusion and lack of progress and never got resolved before we adjourned. I left feeling grumbly and craving all sorts of foods I don’t really eat anymore. So I ate them… but mindfully, mind you, and found I could notice the feeling and the response without judging myself. Just acknowledged it and moved on.
Also, I got this little remote control thingy for my lamp in my bedroom. I’ve been wanting something like this MY WHOLE LIFE. Now, when I’m all cozy under the covers and am tired after reading in bed, I can just click the button to make the light go out. It’s brilliant.
I went to a party by myself at which I hardly knew anyone. And I just don’t do that. But I allowed myself to feel awkward and out of place and after a bit, I discovered I really liked the people. I met a new friend and really had a great time. My 20-year-old self would never have been that brave.
The Hard
I did a brave thing and declined an invitation to do something that I knew I would not enjoy very much. It was the right decision for me, but my friend’s response was not the non-violent one I would have liked or was even really expecting. And I still have much to learn about responding compassionately (to her and to myself) when in the midst of (potential) badness. And so I’m feeling a little conflicted and weird about it and don’t really feel like I have a place or a person to work through these feelings.
I have some really stellar ideas (I mean REALLY stellar!) and am super pumped about them and have even made little tiny steps forward towards making the things go. And still I’m feeling frustrated at the amount of work involved. I want to be there already, right?! So I can already feel myself starting to retreat from the enormity of the projects even as I continue to revel in the excitement of them. Much to process here there is.
Also, I’d just like to state that your comment zen from yesterday was brilliant and I would very much like to hear more on the subject at some point. I’ll be giving it more thought as well.
This week I realized that decisions are like dishes.
When they pile up, everything falls apart.
Because there are no dishes, there’s no desire to cook. No food means no shopping means sandwiches every day means blood sugar means aaaahhhh. It all runs back into my business. All because I have a thing about getting my hands wet!
And just as my dishes live in the sink, my decisions live in email. So when I stop making decisions, emails pile up. And no decisions means no peace means no focus means more time working because everything takes longer. All because I thought I didn’t have time to process because I was too busy working.
This week I’ve been doing the dishes every morning when making french press coffee. It is the most ingenious idea I have ever had! Sets the decision-making tone for the day. Every time I see the sink, I remember how good it feels to have a clean inbox.
We can have people over at the last minute now! I think this must be how the rest of the world lives all the time. Wow. I finally get it.
The hard stuff:
Feet continuing to hurt and wanting to be left alone! That means not so much exercise. I feel constricted.
Fighting off a cold and the slowing down of the creative rush.
My dad’s cancer surgery. I’m so afraid for him. I’m not ready to lose him.
The good stuff:
Daddy came through surgery fine this morning!!
Flannel sheets on my bed that are exactly the same pattern as the inside of my childhood sleeping bag.
To my surprise, I am able to sit down and write blog posts! And then I get a burst of “I made something” energy which is the very best. And I get to do this every day if I want!!
Twitter is being so fun!
The talking-to of the No-One Wants to Hear from You Monster and subsequent release of the creative rush. Thank you thank you thank you Havi for your monster-talking techniques!!!
Havi, I wish you the softest bed in the world for as long as you need.
Why yes, she did warn us. 😉 I’ve been enjoying the reverberations of Sunday’s wackiness all week. Thank you!
Oh goodness, I forgot the best good thing: spending the weekend with my brilliant generous amazing friend Gale, learning about Excel, online training, indexing software, and anything else we can get our hands on.
Hooray for being home and not having to go anywhere else. Whews.
The Badass Bagel Brigade? I played in that band for years. Because I bake a badass bagel. Yay bagels!
Hellooo!
The good
Reconnecting with the yummilicious Larisa on Sunday – made me feel happier this week!
More lovely moments of being inside my body, magic.
Getting my ridiculously long friend cut and actually trusting that I know what suits my face and asking for it. Shorter fringe please!
Slowly clearing out a mound of junk off my floor in the computer room. A rare happening. Yayyyy!
Having more cuddle time with my love. We needed it and had forgotten and when it returns we’re like ohhhh yes thank God.
Popping on and offa the Goddess Circle. Just makes me feel good.
Making zingy connections between being in my body, meditation and my training as an actress and dmt. It’s all the same practise – but with a change of focus. Weeeee! And my body, our bodies are so friggin vunderfull!
The bad
Detesting being around people who are obsessed with weight, clothes, money. Hate the small talk. it doesnt compute.
hate being an outsider. feel hot headed, hurt, alone when I hear this kind of material.
Ended up buying clothes out of fear and pressure because this is how they judge people and I need to resemble them a little at least outwardly because my true character is shining thru – urghhh when what I really need to do is get better at hiding more of me.
Wishing that I could really see a way to do my own thing now. Sensing that I probably can really (do something of it) but there’s stuff in the way (called a need to feel safe which I know is legititmate B-UTTT) and so I am needing to do work really hard around all this triggery stuff.
My love – wailing last night
Oh and those boots? They sound like something to be much admired. Love to hear you have some beautiful stomping boots!
xx
Hard:
* Iguanas everywhichwhere. Cue wailing, flailing, and quiet hyperventilating.
* Writing of holiday cards = setting out bait for various insecurity/uncertainty monsters
* Feeling like I’m not finding enough time for the people and projects that matter most
* Other people not finding time to answer my questions so I can move on with things crowding the back burner — and the corresponding self-doubt and angst re whether I should be doing more or presenting said things differently so that they don’t get blown off.
* Misplacing a roasting pan. (Eventually found it, but this house is not that big. Misplacing a roasting pan in a not-big house is not a talent I care to retain.)
* Two dead batteries and one failing clutch. Definitely time to re-learn how to ride a bike.
* Hands, this is not the weekend for you to start hurting. Stoppit.
Good:
* Plotting and organizing things for people to enjoy
* Glowing response to a poem I wrote
* Meals with friends
* Coffee and conversation with my in-laws
* Almost done with my overseas-bound cards
* Revisiting old cards and letters. Being reminded that I have met so many clever, loving, funny, talented, and generous people, some of whom still stay in touch.
* Easing back into workouts. (Hello there, hips…)
Wishing everyone help with the hards and hurrahs for the good.
An early chicken? I’m up for that.
The hard: had a fit/meltdown over broadband bills. Why do they keep charging us so much, how can we be over the usage limit, why can’t I find anything on their website?! In the middle of it, I was unpleasant at the boyfriend, and made him worry too. And then at the end of it, I realised I was wrong about almost everything and the reason I can’t find anything on that stupid website is most likely that whenever I go there I’m already frantic and unable to use my clever head.
So that sucked.
The boyfriend’s sick. Sick, sick, sick, poor dear. As a result: no swimming. As a result: not enough exercise to offset my stressing out. Hey, come to think of it, that’s probably partly where the meltdown came from. Oh. Well.
The good: I was able to mindwipe our PC with really minimum fretting and in good time. I’m not entirely convinced this fixed its long-standing stability issues, but here’s to hope.
There was knitting.
Um. Ummm… I don’t know. That’s it. Bring on next week.
The Hard:
The I Knew You Were a Bad Person and Now You Can’t Do Anything About It Monster is here with me right now. I haven’t had the courage to talk with it sooooo, I’m really uncomfortable.
Hearing that my sister is down in an abyss and doesn’t want sisters to come help.
Can’t go to hilariously fun annual Ugly Sweater Party because of previous not so fun commitment.
No DOS
The Good:
Trip to Fla. canceled so I don’t have to deal with TSA, renting a car, driving in places unknown.
Great meeting with mentor.
One more week (one!) until winter break.
LATKES!
Oh, this week. Oy!
That wasn’t supposed to go up yet . . . .
THE HARD
Oh, what was hard about this week? Let me count the ways!
–Four days with my parents and sister and nephews. The sister and nephews were great. The parents were as good as they could have been. It was fucking exhausting.
–Dog #2 broke her Cone of Shame 10 minutes after the vet closed and we had to wrestle her into her sister-dog’s Cone, which was too small.
–Dog #2 recovering from surgery, so she’s goopy and sad and cone-headed, which she repeatedly rams into the back of my calves. Makes. me. insane.
–Discovering that Dog #1 had had intestinal issues all over my office (and two library books! eek!).
–The furnace went out while we were having highs near freezing. Three days of no heat! Turns out the whole thing needs to be replaced!
–Boss dumped a potential project / job change on me, but we don’t know if it will be approved, so my brain is alternately planning and freaking out.
–Headcold on top of everything else. This is not surprising.
THE GOOD
–Despite everything else, I’m mostly not freaking out. I had a teensy meltdown Wednesday afternoon when I’d been too cold to feel my feet for several hours, but that seems eminently justified. Mostly, I’m kind of vaguely amused and waiting it all out.
–No more traveling until January, and then only to the lovely, wonderful meditation retreat that always leaves me centered and happy and well.
–Holiday shopping is nearly complete!
–The fatigue is lifting just a teeny bit, enough that even with the head cold I feel like I can do little bits of things here and there. Folding the laundry so I can fill the basket with dirty clothes to wash feels just about doable.
–Returning from traveling means I get to use my lovely fountain pens again. Oh fountain pens, how I missed you!
Sending everyone chickening a huge hug.
Julie
I really love the Friday chicken. Regardless of what day of the week it happens. Amazing how many monsters are showing up for people this week. A couple of mine were in full force.
Here was my week:
The Hard:
-Holiday stress. Feeling inadequate re: gift giving. Can’t find my way through this.
-Cold, dry, cracked, and scaly. My body.
-Body aches and pains. Lots of stiffness. Oh my aching back. I need a heating pad at work!
-Gave my computer a virus. ‘Doh. Never done that before. Was doing frantic clicking to download something before my tutoring session. Made me feel stupid. Now who knows what information about me is out there.
The Good:
+Getting a handle on my diet and exercising more.
+Managing finances, and having a plan for debt.
+Made a scary call re: student loans, and it all worked out!
+Appreciating food as fuel, rather than as simply solace.
+Reaching out to friends, even though the Your Friends Don’t Care About You and They’re Way Too Busy For You Doing All the Interesting Things You Aren’t Doing Monster has been beating me down.
+Had a realization about why it hurts so much that bf’s mother doesn’t necessarily think I’m the cat’s pajamas. That was good and bad.
+It’s Friday!
hi all. thank you havi for choosing to put an end to this week. or these las 3 weeks in my case. it was just too much.
the Hard
-too much to mention, i lost count of how much went annoyingly wrong and difficult or just a plain pain in the but
-edna (my dog) got hit by a car. oh so hard
-sent a very enthusiastic email for one of my jobs and full of cool ideas, but was completely misinterpreted and now everything is in pause. and scared to try to move around it, because oh the shoes!
-every single time i wake up early and do the stuff i want and need, i feel really proud about myself and happy, something goes terribly wrong in the course of the day. it begins full of hope and sunshine and from a good place and then paff, all wrong. and now i am scared to do it again, because of the unexpected consecuences. i don’t want it to become a pattern
– money has been a little scarce
– no movement in my last weeks VPAs
the Good
+ edna is fine. just big bruises and scared the hairs out of me, but she is her happy, playful self again
+ practicing patience and super ninja skills to protect myself from the shoes
+ have a gorgeous dress for my brother’s wedding that comes with invisible sovereign sparkles and a magic wand, and my new haircut is great for my dignity crown
+ have the job i wanted that is fun and pays great, so lots of dancing around
+ patience and simplicity and a chance to pay all the bills by the end of the month
+ started sharing and inviting lovely people to my house. friends over for the weekend and finally cleared the black hole that was the spare bedroom
+ got lots of clothes for a patient’s baby that had none, and couldn’t buy any because she can’t work. gift from my cousin that wanted to give them to someone that really needed them. happy happy happy
ready for dancing and lots of sunshine for the coming weeks. sending all of you in northern hemisphere some warmth and sun from the south!
So much hard all around this week — hugs to you all.
This week’s hard:
– Procrastination. Sung to the tune of Carly Simon’s “Anticipation.” At least it’s musical.
– Despite having cleaned it less than a month ago, my studio is a friggin’ disaster again and I can’t find anything. Made worse by the run-up to my biggest holiday show next weekend.
– No time for going to the rec center. Who would have ever thought I’d be someone who would miss working out?
This week’s good:
– Super proud of some of the new stuff I’ve made.
– Better than expected private show last night. Wasn’t expecting anything at all, but came home with a little cash and some promising potential custom orders.
– Despite my procrastinational tendences, I’ve managed to get ahead on my major editing project so I don’t have to feel too guilty about taking yesterday off to do a little creative work.
Happy Friday, Chickeneers!
I’ve not done this here but it seems like a good thing…
Hard:
-New business, new me, old me and figuring how all that fits together
-Subsequent wardrobe crisis
-Massively stiff neck despite careful stretching, exercises and therapy
Good:
-Oldest (in a good way) best friend coming to visit today
-Lovely people came to my blog party and played
-I remembered that it’s OK to play
Warm thoughts to all!
Ouch, hugs to all for so much hard.
Hard this week:
-There is a person in my life (no one here…) who I can’t remove from my life but I also can’t stand. I feel bad and wrong for not liking the person. Also, I have a very hard time not judging this person. Because, you know, this particular person seems to have absolutely no capability of acting out of anything other than self-interest. Luckily the person lives far from me, and I can choose not to pick up the phone. But still. Every time I see the phone number on caller ID or a message in my inbox, it raises the confused bad/guilty/angry feelings again. I’d like to NVC it or shiva-dance on it, but I’m totally stuck on this one (for now). My whole being just shouts “DON’T LIKE” every time I think about trying to figure it out. So…sitting with that. Letting it be what it is.
-This person’s behavior has led other people in my life to act in ways that both surprise and dismay me.
-It takes everything in my power not to step in and help sometimes. Damn superhero/martyr complex.
-I keep stubbing my now-healed broken toe on random toys and other miscellany. It really hurts.
-No one else seems to give a flying duck about picking anything up around here. If I weren’t here, the earth would just reclaim the house. (I know…monster talking, but really.)
-Little Bird, sick again. (Stoopid preschool and children spewing their germs all over everyone else…)
Good:
-Despite his inability to pick things up, the husband-person is a fine cook, and proves it nightly.
-Knitting. Continues to thrill me. Well, thrill might not be the right word. Please. It continues to please me.
-There is snow. And it is cold. I know I’m in a minority, but I love this.
-Water. When I remember it, it changes many things.
-The pipes didn’t burst when I forgot to put a space heater in the well-pump space. Phew!
-Re-reading through this hard and good and seeing my many internal contradictions makes me laugh. At one point in time I would have been dismayed, but now I find it mildly amusing…
Now I want a bagel.
The hard
– My day job is sucking the life out of me. I have to get out. Now. Every day I go to work I get a migraine. Just thinking about going gives me a migraine, and the thought of going makes me want to cry. My plan was to keep working there until I’m making enough from my thing to support myself and then do the thing full time and quit the day job. I’ve made a lot of progress, but I’m not there yet. I’m wondering if there’s some sort of grant or assistance for artists/entrepreneurs with disabilities or something. Because out of my 20 hour schedule? I worked 1.25 hours this week. I just can’t do it.
– Totally not into the holiday thing this year. I think about putting up my solstice tree, and it just seems like a chore. Meh. What’s the point?
The good
+ I’ve been watching Tim Burton movies while I spin.
Many sorries about the exhausted + miserable + piles + unhappy, Havi. Blergh.
Ok. Chicken time… (Nuh nuh nuh, nuh, nuh nuh… can’t touch this.
Ze hard
– Family stuff. Like scary health situations + upcoming surgeries for a close family member. And the angst that creates for everybody.
– Realizing that I ordered a holiday gift for somebody from a seller on Etsy who happens to live in China. It was pretty much the perfect gift. And I’m pretty sure it won’t get here in time to send. Gak.
– Lots of holiday invites. To places I don’t want to go. And feeling horrible about saying no.
Ze good
– The sleeps. It’s been good this week.
– One awesome client thing after another. It’s like a triple scoop of fabulous with booyah! sprinkles.
– Three words: Red. Suede. Docs.
– I ordered a Pac Man scarf this week. So stoked!
– Speaking of hawt couture, thanks for the heads up on the Etsy seller who makes the superhero cuffs. I’m ordering a custom cape, cuffs + crown. And I might never take them off.
– Yesterday I wrote a blog post that caused me to take a Very Deep Breath before hitting publish. But I did. And I’ve been kind of blown away by the response. Seems like it struck a strong chord with people. I cried reading the comments.
That’s all folks!
Bwock bwock!
Havi, you are ever-inspiring. ♥
The Hard
– Dealing with a couple dark nights of the soul, and then walking around afterward knowing that another could set in at pretty much any time.
– Money. Blahhh. And associated stress with other people who are involved in my financial situation. More blahhh. But I’m not constantly stressing about stuff, which is good.
– Realizing that an experience this summer introduced me to a concept that I had never before really understood (in a feeling-it way; I got it in a thinking-it way), and I am not sure I want this insight or this empathy, because it’s kind of soul-crushing.
The Good
– Giving myself anything my body and mind and heart needed to become or stay okay.
– Getting like nine hours of sleep last night. And having EPIC dreams of martial arts and a gorgeous nomadic clan of people.
– Hearing a guy sing like a didgeridoo. Yes.
– Taking a walk in the woods, in my head.
– Cleaning all the things yesterday, so today I can skip the Friday-evening-housework and just start my blessed, blessed weekend.
– Reading the best freaking novel EVER and knowing that my friend will be (in)famous for it when it’s published.
– The skies have been beautifully-patterned with clouds all week and the temperatures have hovered around 50*F and windy. GORGEOUS for December in the desert.
– Ditching the post-NaNoWriMo burnout and once again feeling enthusiastic and ambitious about my novel-in-progress.
Thank you so much for having this ritual, for sharing it, and for giving others the space (culture!) to join in. It really, really makes a difference.
Gak. Ready for the week to be over. Unfortunately it won’t come to a close for me until the big ignana is dealt with. Deadline is 11:30pm tonight.
The Hard:
– Insecurities. Last week I felt on top of the world regarding the new direction my job is taking. Today I’m all worried that it will implode based on a comment said in a meeting last night. No grounding in fact for these insecurities, but they are here and bringing me down.
– Drama. Too much of it. Can I have ONE week without drama? Is that TOO much to ask?
– Cold. Ugh. Too cold. I don’t like weather below 30 degrees.
The Good:
+ Baking. Done by the spouse. WooHoo!
+ No more lecture prep! Just another set of exams to give and grade. Then this ENDLESS semester will finally come to a close.
+ Internship. Progress! Excitement! Getting close to getting the documentation finalized & approved!
Happy Weekend!
Egad, the hard:
–Received a rather grim email from my advisor on Wednesday telling me that I needed to send him my work by…today. So, crazy scary surprise deadline.
–Up all night last night to meet the deadline. I’ve given it my best effort, but am anxiously anticipating criticism.
–Hit a deer with my car last night. That’s the third deer in the past twelve months. I felt terrible. Honestly, I assure you, I am not the one who’s got it in for them!
At the same time, there has been good:
–I could have frozen with fear and freaked out completely when I received that email, but I didn’t. I gave it my best effort, took care of myself as best I could, and worked with passion and ferocity.
–You know, that bears repeating: I took care of myself. I did ask for support from my family, but I did so as a sovereign queen forming alliances, not as a damsel in distress begging to be rescued.
–Actually, I’m getting better at dealing with oncoming deer (lots of practice…sigh…). I braked, I swerved, and though I wasn’t able to avoid a collision completely, I was able to do a lot of damage control.
–First rehearsal for Candide. I haven’t been part of a theatrical production in years, and I’m thrilled! I had to laugh, too, as some of the choreography reminds me of Shiva Nata. I kid you not, there’s a bit where there are four different arm positions, and the first position is H-1, but the other three are completely different, and different people are supposed to move through the four positions at different times — oh, funny and familiar flailing!
I’m ready for a good weekend. Bring on the gloriousity!
Offering comfort to all for the hard stuff, big goofy grins for the good stuff, and a whole lot of love.
I decided to wait for the week to finish (more or less) and I’m glad that I did.
The Hard:
It’s still the day job busy time of year. One more week.
I may have gotten a sunburn today, not sure.
Even though it’s the busy time of year, I’m not getting as much work as I though I would.
The Good:
Today on my walk I encountered newly hatched leatherback turtles making their way to the ocean. Awesomtastic!
One of my bestest friends is in Costa Rica now, just across the river from where I’m living. And, I think we’re going to make a trip to Panama too.
The Social Caterpillar businessy business is moving forward. With a business plan designed in scrapbooking software. With a gardening theme. Wheeeeeeee!
I’ve discovered that the sticky notes on my desktop (virtual) make me happy rather than freaked out, if I make them different colors, use pleasing fonts, and color the text. Such a difference!
I’m already plotting for SxSW. Gonna be fun. And involve peacock feathers. That all I’m saying on that one for now. Excited!
Ohh, I wish I’d known the week was ending early!
The hard: Monsters! Stresses! And some shoes, alas. I’d almost started to think the world was going barefoot.
The good: awesome people, great connections, hugs!, good communication, getting through the stuck, helping people. Starting a Book of Me (finally). Monster Management. A Useful Post. Some help from unexpected quarters. And pajamas. Definitely pajamas.
The hard:
Rather tired. My head needs some more space to wander.
Yearning for some exercise, but haven’t yet identified the time.
The good:
The bright pink lamp that I got for my desk at work. It really brightens things up, and my coworkers are in awe each time they see it.
Speaking of work, we had a holiday party last night that was so wonderful. I’m so in love with the smart, inquisitive, progressive people around me.
My first client is making the most incredible progress. I’m in awe.
Weekend hugs to everyone.
Uffff.
The hard:
Working my ass off for a client who never was a client really and who didn’t actually want my work/probably stole it/ripped me off.
Having to move away from the computer – lots – because of eye-strain.
Needing to get some perspective…
The good:
Figuring out I need to set myself some better boundaries, and doing it. This meant I got to go and wander around on the beach in the sunshine yesterday, and meet friends for lunch!
Candles! Every evening, as a new moving from work time to me time ritual, I light candles. I don’t know why, but this is a good thing.
Have a lovely weekend!
Oh Friday, here we are now.
Hardness:
– Feeling really ineffectual lately. So frustrating! This too shall pass, but… argh.
– I’m so much more easily overwhelmed by things than I used to be. I feel like a big sissy.
– Green-eyed envy monsters are sprouting too. “you could be doing something like that if you weren’t all STUCK”. Waah.
Goodness:
+ New clients. Whom I love.
+ Writing some things this week that people said really helped them.
+ We’re getting our groove back on the homefront. Yay!
+ Made a sort-of plan for some things next year.
+ Seekrit project continues, with a new clever sibling.
Yay weekend! And happy Friday. Whew.
Hmmm, hard stuff?
Arm sending me a message that less computer time and more weight lifting time would be appreciated.
Chilly air trying to infiltrate House of Joy. I will defeat it. Or put on a hat and buy a door snake.
Typical December slow down means less money. The hard is that I know this happens and I don’t take any action the other 11 months to prevent it. Grr.
The Good!
Christmas tree!
Giant turkey leg simmering on stove. Stock today and soup tomorrow.
Cleaned up all my computer files for ease of use by me and my assistant. More beautiful than a cleaned desk!
Got down to Inbox Seven. Inbox Zero’s slightly rebellious cousin.
The house is stocked with tons of yummy green and orange and purple and brown veggies!
House is getting cleaned. By me.
Feeling good and happy and not missing a boy.
Kelly’s decisions/dishes thing is so brilliant I am going to tattoo it on my frontal lobes.
Hard this week mostly comes from being fried to a light golden brown from November busy-fu. Good this week mostly comes from my running off to Santa Fe to have massages and enchiladas for four days. I miss my Little Dude, but it is so ungodly good to have four days of not hurrying to do one damned thing.
This week was actually really good for me. Booked a new show in January, had a song posted on the FuMP Sideshow, made a lot of Christmas gifts for friends.
Also my yoga teacher thanked me for staying in her class for 2.5 years; I guess I was one of her earliest students when she opened the studio (I didn’t know this at the time). I wanted to thank HER. 🙂 I go in every week thinking this is the week when my yoga teacher is going to sit down and tell me “look, you’ve come as far as you can go, you’ll never be a REAL yogini,” which is what my piano teacher told me after sixteen years, and which I worry about because I’ve spent about nine months working steadily on supta kurmasana and not being able to interlock my hands. So I was very glad to be thanked for sticking with it!
The other part? Wanting more time. Just more time for EVERYTHING. Or at least the important things. There are so many important things, and it is sad to have to choose only the importantest of the important.
Wow, tardy chicken time.
The hard:
– the ill
– and the tired
– and the having to go to work when I should’ve been in bed, being ill and tired
– hormonal weirdness still going on. Still!
– getting crazy behind on uni work
– less yoga than my body and mind likes
– internet deciding not to work
The good:
– finding out that my job role is going to be changing, hopefully in a very good way
– lovely tutors being understanding and supportive about the ill
– Kitchen Table!
– watching the BBC Pride and Prejudice again. Wonderful.
– doing my first ever photoshoot, and it going better than I could’ve hoped, and getting some gorgeous, interesting images.
– another great yoga class
– some quality friend time
– bought possibly the best socks ever
– and light-weight tripod
– taking care of myself and resting and not feeling guilty about being lazy and idle
Feeling really lucky to have this week.
I’m so late. My week only just ended. Maybe I can end this week on Thursday to make up for it…
The Hard
Hecticness
My glorrriously calm week where I only have one thing – just a 2-hour seminar and the meditation group I run.
And it all turned to hell. Franctic running about; let’s rescheduele this, oh but it needs to be done by Saturday – i’m away fri-sat in London – oh lets do it thurs afternoon – but it’ll have to be late then cos – okay 4pm-5pm – a whole hour??!
Ahem.
So yus. Tiring.
London.
Trains. Do not like. Panic over what ticket you need to go up on one train, then one tube stop, then a fdiff tube home to a diff train from a diff station. OH gosh halp halp halp.
Not to mention, meeting new people – a crowd of 20 people from all over the country. N. Ireland included. Crowds and don’t like new people and don’t do strangers and omg teambuilding stuff and whats all this argh.
No sleep.
I seem to write this one in every darn week. Hmm.. wonder if I could set up some rituals around this and sort it out. Gah. tired.
The Good.
Gig.
Saw Disturbed, Papa Roach and Halestorm up at Wembley. It was epic fun and I loooove Disturbed and we were so close to the stage. So much adrenaline and just.. a time to release tension. Theraputic.
Thursday.
Having got home late from gig and gone to bed at 4am. I slept til 1:30pm. And then went to a meeting with my supervisor who said how amazingly on top of things I seem and how my group leader appreciates how skilled I am and that I’m giving my time.
So nice to hear!!!
London.
Yes, the trains were hell and I was nervous and didn’t sleep and all that. But I clung to two strangers who seemed to like me. And we posed outside Buckingham Palace for Polaroid photos. And Shared a bottle of wine until 2am, watching cliff richard on the travelodge TV. And I fell asleep at 3:30 watching David Attenborough talk about commercial fishing, while I ate crisps.
Just because I could.
Amazing.
Being home.
I got home yesterday. Woke at 8:30 which sucked. But I got to sleep in my own bed in my parents house. As Havi said, it was totally a case of “My bed! My glorrrrrrrrrrrrious bed! My kingdom for my bed.” So nice to be home. I didn’t have to cook dinner. I can wait a day or two before I get back into chores and stuff.
I have space and it feels so.. spacious.
I love it.
Here’s to a week I might be able to end on Thursday.
Cheers! -clinks mug and sips green tea-
Uffff. The hard: Working my ass off for a client who never was a client really and who didn’t actually want my work/probably stole it/ripped me off. Having to move away from the computer – lots – because of eye-strain. Needing to get some perspective… The good: Figuring out I need to set myself some better boundaries, and doing it. This meant I got to go and wander around on the beach in the sunshine yesterday, and meet friends for lunch! Candles! Every evening, as a new moving from work time to me time ritual, I light candles. I don’t know why, but this is a good thing. Have a lovely weekend!