In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
Is this crazy? It feels a little crazy.
Three. Whole. Years. Of chickening!
Thank you.
To be honest, it still seems insane (to my monsters) that anyone would ever want to read about my week, even as part of a ritual. Yet my grumble thrum monster collective have been proven wrong. By SCIENCE.
Also I love reading everyone else’s chickens, and knowing that people around the world are (silently or with us) contemplating the week that was.
Let’s do it!
The hard stuff
So tired. So very tired.
All I want to do is sleeeeep.
And cranky! Let’s not forget cranky.
Thanks to the Book of Me, I was able to identify premenstrual ridiculousness before I started hating everyone and everything, but bleeeeeeeeeagh.
My joints hurt! I’m wearing like, three sports bras piled on top of each other. It’s so classy. And also everything is ANNOYING.
Let that be stated, for the record.
And do not try to fix it or I will glare at you menacingly.
Way too much going on.
It’s all good stuff but it’s also all happening at once.
I ended up canceling three appointments today, just for sanity-preservation. But I still kind of have the sense that this week was way too full.
Decisions.
And the fact that I do not like making them.
Paralysis ensues.
Etc.
You know when everything starts to get on your nerves?
I am tired of everything I own, everything I wear, everything I do. All of it.
Except the Friday Chicken! And the blog, of course. And the Kitchen Table. And the Rallies! Basically all the work-related stuff is pretty awesome. It’s just the not-work parts.
Sad no-friend mouse, etc etc etc.
Despite having lived here for four years now, I do not have anyone who wants to come with me to a partner yoga class this Sunday.
Or anyone who wanted to come with me to a Very Great Thing today.
This has me singing the poor-me song* and feeling sorry for myself and doing the droopy Charlie Brown Arrested Development walk again.
* I’m a little teapot, short and stout! Tip me over and POOR ME! Out.
The good stuff
The Shiva Nata snack preview class at the Playground!
Ohmygod! It was so much fun.
Twenty five delightful people all flailing around like maniacs while giggling.
The best!
The words they made up for the horizontals: Bliss, Flow, Weird Bird Bike and Wagon Wheel. And for the verticals: Carrot, Rabbit, Punk and Spike.
We ended up with some absurd combinations. Three spots left for the August series, FYI.
And we got just about everyone to over 90 on the Scale of Flail.™
(With zero being “What? I’m not lost and confused at all!” and 100 being helpless stuttering followed by falling on the floor in a heap.)
Bridge tour.
I went on a walking tour of Portland’s bridges and learned all sorts of fascinating things.
But mainly the cool part was that I got to climb up into the bridge operator’s tower on the Burnside Bridge and walk on the parapet and watch the bridge get raised until it was a few inches from my face!
Imagine a five year old boy jumping up and down with glee, gesticulating wildly and yelling BRIDGE BRIDGE BRIDGE BRIDGE. And that was me.
Sunday parkways.
Another three and a half hour walk through Portland, this time through the northwest quadrant, and discovering lots of little places of beauty.
And even though NW is still my least-favorite* quadrant of the five**, I had fun.
And I absolutely LOVE walking in the streets with no cars. Yay for Sunday Parkways!
* As evidence I wish to note the fact that I did not see a single — not one! — pirate on a bicycle. And instead of DIY lemonade stands there were little yuppie kids running … wait for it …. smoothie stands.
** Yes FIVE. Because we don’t understand what quad means.
Lots of happy napping.
Hooray!
Lots of things getting done.
Between the OOD and the Deguiltified Chicken Board in my Kitchen Table program, I have been just insanely productive this week.
All the neat things I saw.
Like the kid who wanted everyone to know that he could do a mexican wheelie. I still don’t know what that is.
And the guys on the futuristic Jetsons bikes. Who waved at me! Probably because I was falling over from delight.
And the cat who laughed at me when I poked myself in the eye.
It was a good week for silly things.
And thank you everyone in our Frolicsome Bar (that’s our facebook hangout) for playing with me.
Pants without holes in them.
I have some.
And … playing live at the meme beach house it’s the Fake Band of the Week!
My brother and I have this thing where we come up with ridiculous band names and then say in this really pretentious, knowing tone, “Oh, well, you know, it’s just one guy.”
This week’s band is a special group doing a special performance for our three years of chickening. Ladies and gentleman, allow me to introduce:
The All-Raccoon Cabaret Ensemble!
They’re all raccoons! Doing the raccoon can-can! Except that it’s really just one raccoon.
Apparently he does the whole thing with mirrors.
And some stuff I read/found this week that made me happy:
- This perfectly perfect protest sign.
- My friend Colleen’s shirt. Get one!
- Go to this website and click on “UNDER 21”. If this doesn’t completely make your day, I don’t know what will.
That’s it for me …
And of course you can join in my Friday ritual right here in the comments if you feel like it.
Yes? Anything hard and/or good happen in your week?
And, as always, have a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come. Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s okay if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — you can join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.
Follow
Ooh or the raccoon could be doing that thing that Paul McCartney did way back when for the Coming Up video. But now I see raccoons standing behind Robert Palmer…. OMG I miss old MTV! 😀
Hard:
Hot again. Crankypants squared yesterday.
Resistance. Yuck.
Oh, and we got a flat after seeing Harry Potter on Sunday.
Good:
We got home before the flat was really flat.
Our neighbor the mechanic was able to patch the tire.
(two job interviews today!)
Wonderful dreamboard teleconference yesterday.
Precollege baking means income is back up.
Yellow eyeshadow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And orange. Technically “pigments” but it is the bright bright yellow I’ve wanted for years. yay internet and all hail Sephora! 😀 Made any residual hard not so bad. 🙂
Almond butter. And jelly. Great for these hot days.
Seeing the neighbor’s chickens hanging out on their windowsill. That is 5 feet off the ground. LOL. Ours *never* thought to do that (good thing, my parents would’ve killed me, long story)
haha chickens for friday chicken.
love!
RE: the no-friend mouse. In free to be you and me, there was the story of a boy who had no friends. And he was going to start a group for people who had no friends and all the people who had no friends could join. Sometimes I feel like starting that group.
My checkin!
The Good.
Lots of good this week.
Last settlement check mailed to wonderful company who helped me in the past and then wasn’t so helpful but we’ve now settled our differences and they will promise to stop suing me and they are glad that I paid them instead of filing bankruptcy and I am glad I paid them and the collection agency girl who got a commission from my payment is happy and everything is wonderful!!
I remembered that when the wrong people leave my life or business or networking group it makes way more room for the right people. Yay for remembering that and for putting a few more red velvet ropes up so the wrong people can tell they should go somewhere else sooner rather than later (because then they are like “hey, this isn’t what I thought!”)
Lots of wonderful new clients coming in. The Right Clients.
The Hard:
I have not been paying attention to what goes in my mouth and now there are lumps and bumps popping up that are uncomfortable.
Sparklepoints for three years of this wonderful tradition 🙂
Boak Boak.
THE HARD:
UGH! I didn’t go to a yoga class for 1.5 weeks and only did about an hour of stuff on my own in-between. No wonder I was unbalanced.
I was unbalanced and let a well meaning friend steamroll me in a fit of letting him help me.
My boundary issues resurfaced.
The sweetheart was away on a business trip.
THE GOOD:
lots of alone time.
Yoga this morning made everything so much better.
lots of noticings
Have a happy weekend everyone.
Whoa. Is it really 3 years? Whoa! HIPPO BIRDIES, CHICKEN!
Ok, so a celebratory Chicken with ketchup, because this is more like a two week chicken. And I’m doing the Good first. Because I want to.
Oh, and I would totally have gone with you to the Very Great Thing.
The Good!
Celebrating because I did launch the promo thing I was whining about in the VPAs and it sold out WAY faster than expected and I’m just all like… wha? I nearly have the non-promo aspect of it all figured out.Yay! A wee bit of extra money. Yay! Support. Happy. New profile pic and about page and I omg updated my linked in contacts and caught up with an old web cohort and am in two awesome webinar/courses and some HUGE ideas and remembering that I’m not just “anxious” but Highly Sensitive. Oh, and I put up what I think might be my best. post. ever. With (wait for it…) AUDIO!
Oh.. The Hard.
(in a small voice, because i somehow feel guilty for acknowledging that the hard is SO HARD) Feeling overwhelmed and skeered and omg people are looking at me and they have EXPECTATIONS! EXPECTATIONS! And it is hotter than imaginable, the AC is soaking the carpet AGAIN!
And back to the good:
Knowing it really will all be ok. Cleaning off the treadmill and using it. Meditation group! Finding that people understand. And discovering Monday Indulgences!
Plus, I just hear that The All-Raccoon Cabaret Ensemble! will be in town this weekend…. where’s my black mask? MUST HAVE BLACK MASK!
Oh my. Major props to whomever created that Under 21 thingie, and to you, Havi, for sharing it. I am grinning like a grinning thing. 😀
Hard:
* Unexplained ows, and scary What If monster feeding on them
* Hell, What If monster is a pig. It’s been oinking out on money and family and friend issues too.
* Plethora of zits. Before an imminent photo shoot, of course.
* Plethora of bug bites. Gahhhhhh.
* My Book of Me says asking me to help move big bulky objects is a bad idea. This was not respected, and even though the other person involved did most of the heavy lifting, the situation made a sucky evening suckier.
* Mixed messages leading to crying jags.
* The letting down people feeling from cancelling assorted plans in order to get work done and get enough sleep.
* I am *this* close to shaving the dog.
Good:
* Good progress on work and getting more sleep
* Squash casserole
* Crying jags lasted only a night. Using NVC kept the situation from going boom.
* Things are usually working out. Working toward getting a better handle on not freaking out during the waiting for the working out to happen.
* Feeling wanted and desired and necessary, in the right proportions.
* Challah-hoovering doggies. 😉
Wishing everyone a good weekend (and extra boostage to those of you working through yours, as I am through mine).
CHICCCKKKKEEEEEN!! I’ve been missing the VPA and Chickens lately so I’m glad I can jump on here. Happy three years!!!
The hard stuff
– The flu I got at Buddhafield Festival turned into a cold
– Which led to dreading returning to work.
– Working with all those chemicals and dealing with the hierarchy at work after a week of Buddhist “love yourself and others and be kind to all” stuff.
– Feeling various body pains that I then attribute to chemicals and panic over – e.g. Cough = ARHG IVE FILLED MY LUNGS WITH CHLORINE GAS and so on..
– TIRED. Not sleeping well. Last night i spent my entire dream running away form a massive blow up spider and then arguing with my mum about “real” apples. Woke up exhausted.
– Got into a fight with housemate a week ago – still not resolved as she went away and wont return calls/texts/emails.
– I am tired of everything I own, everything I wear, everything I do. All of it. [Me Too, I’m seconding this]
– I’ve had to cancel two Shivanata sessions because I had the flu/can’t find a space to hold them.
& If I lived anywhere near you I’d totally come with you; but i think you’re around 5000 Miles/8001.8 Kilometers from me.. so *sends mental energy of dont-be-lonely- instead*
The good stuff
* Erm. I finished work today! So no more chemicals!!
* This week’s work hasn’t been too heavy and I’ve worked 90% with people I like.
* I got a second-hand iPod as my mp3 player has been dying for the past 6 months.. the iPod has more space and works, so huzzah!
* my hosuemate and I cleaned the house together – we put on Biffy Clyro loud and boogied alongside cleaning – it took 90 minutes but was actually enjoyable!
* I can focus on ym novel and fitness again now; yay!
Sending hugs to all who want them, have a glorious weekend!
Rose
Suppa funny the UNDER 21 link!! Cheers 😉
If I were in Portland, I’d go with you to fun things. It’s been so so hard to make new friends as I’ve gotten older. Lots of acquaintances, yes, but friend-friends have been elusive. Let’s chicken!
This week’s hard:
– Wholesale order gone wrong. A process that has worked for me for years is no longer working for reasons out of my control, and blergh. I feel yucky telling people I can do something and then not being physically able to follow through. And this is a nice account, too.
– Rush-rush-rush to get stuff done for today and tomorrow. Hate feeling pressured.
– Crazy weird freaky dreams that leave me unsettled. Nothing outright scary or evil, but hard and unsettling nonetheless.
This week’s good:
– Summer Market starts today! This is usually my best show every year.
– Great time volunteering with ZeroLandfill yesterday. They’re a group that’s collecting outdated interior design samples and other fun raw materials and redistributing them to artists and teachers and anyone who wants them for free. They started here but are slowly spreading across the country. Cool stuff.
– Despite all the rushy feeling, I was pretty well prepared and ended up having a wee bit of downtime this morning to simply sit. Delicious!
Happy Friday, Chickeneers!
Yay for three years. I’m so glad you started this!
The hard:
Feeling decidely viral today – I was having some interesting thoughts this morning and then I started feeling like I’m walking through a cloud of syrup and they’ve vanished.
Moments of discouragement.
The good:
Tattoo! It’s finished and incredibly beautiful and perfect, and getting it done was such a wonderful experience, and my tattooist is awesome. So much good I could keep going on about it for paragraphs.
Public transport ran incredibly smoothly on way to and from getting tattooed, and unlike last time, I didn’t get lost getting to/from tattoo shop.
Eating really yummy food in the market outside the tattoo shop.
More book from the library.
Novel getting written and edited and I’m really enjoying it and have been getting good feedback from my supervisor, who is helpful and lovely.
Mind still being blown in a good way by my giving to myself experiment.
Being able to crawl into bed when I started feel viral and not trying to force myself to do ‘something productive and stop being lazy’.
Visit to favourite cafe yesterday, with awesome novel to read.
I can feel these strange stirrings of an idea, or maybe rather a realisation…I’m not sure what is yet, and I think it might be something that radically changes well, everything, which is a little scary, but also it feels totally right.
Really, this week has been exceptionally good. Feeling grateful.
Lots of love to everyone. Fabulous weekend sparkles for everyone!
Three years! And I’ve been around for more than two of them! It’s so good to be here.
Oh, the hard feels very hard right now:
–I have a deadline for the re-writing of my dissertation proposal this coming Monday. And, despite any efforts and wishes I have managed to make, I fear that this is going to be an absolutely miserable weekend that, in the end, will result in something that will not be deemed acceptable. More and more, I am faced with the feeling that I just don’t want this anymore. That I haven’t wanted it for a long time, really. Maybe if I were able to put all other work aside, not be doing any music therapy work or other creative work, just be doing school and family and basic self-care (and, you know, one of the faculty told me at our last meeting that if I’m to succeed at this, I have to DO NOTHING ELSE! and come on, anyone can see that that’s just Crazy Monster Talk…), then I could do this and be happy doing it, but, you know, maybe not. And it’s not a degree I need for anything tangible; I don’t aspire to be a professor in some university, never have, really. I just have a passion for my field, and a love of writing. At one time, those seemed like reasons enough to jump through this hoop, but they don’t anymore.
But the thing is, there is someone close to me who is, it seems, more emotionally invested in my getting this degree than I am. And I promised this person years ago, that I wouldn’t quit. A couple of days ago, I told this person that if it weren’t for this person (sorry for the cumbersome language; I’m avoiding him-or-her pronouns for the sake of secrecy) I would quit. I said I was sorry if it was saddening for this person to hear that, but it was true. And this person grew very quiet. And I was very quiet. And we’ve left it there, for now. But I think a part of me was hoping that this person would let me off the hook, would release me from my promise, then and there. And that didn’t happen.
*breathing* One way or another, this too shall pass. In less than a year, or less than a month, or within the week. One way or another, this chapter will close. And there will be other chapters.
Okay. Time to look at the good things:
–I have this space, this beautiful, caring, safe space, where I know that no one will tell me what I should be doing, where I can say, “Look, this is where I am right now, I am deep in the crazy, between a rock and a hard place, and that’s just the way it is,” and not be advised or judged. Because believe me, the monsters have got that covered.
–As crazy-making as this situation is, I know in my core that I am doing much better than I would be if not for the gifts I have received here: the Shiva Nata, the monster conversations with all the sovereignty I can stand and negotiators as needed, the wisdom and the support and the tribe. I can see the growth. I can look back to where I was with these issues a few years ago, and see where I am now, and believe that I am stronger, wiser, in transition.
–I am loved. The people in my life — all of them, including the above-mentioned “this person” — cherish me and want me to be happy.
Thank you for being here. I wish you all beautiful weekends. I’m going to try, against all odds, to have one too.
All hail the chicken!
The Hard
-Monday. I just needed to hide so badly. Overwhelmed and too much staring at computer screens and my forcefield and boundaries were all shot to hell. Not the condition in which to work a public library reference desk. Blech.
The Good
-Tuesday. Having realized that I still desperately wanted to hide, and that what I really needed was time alone, I took a personal day. A whole, wonderful, peaceful day at home, just me and the cat. There was lots and lots of useful journaling, and Shiva Nata, and napping, and puttering, and reading, and privacy. It was pure bliss.
-Changing up the patterns. Having spent a good portion of Tuesday journaling about what I needed and how I could get more of it, I spent the rest of the week actually implementing some of my ideas. Playful experimentation, hooray!
-used the OOD on my super mega project (hereafter known as the Fantastical Guide). Feeling much better. Crayons helped too.
-some fun date evenings with my lovely husband – dinners out and Captain America and board games – including a new copy of Trivial Pursuit with questions that aren’t from the 80’s, hooray again!
Have a wonderful weekend everyone! (And since I, too, am working through the weekend, thanks to Mechaieh for the extra boost – right back at ya!)
Cheers, Chickeneers! I remember the first Chicken and I can’t believe it was 3 years ago…
The Hard:
– crappy sleep on a bed that is not mine
– less working out than usual and more overindulging than usual = not feeling as good as usual
– the endless (and redundant) emails that come with teaching an online class to people who seem to refuse to learn how to use the discussion forum
– being an economist which means I watch with fear the stalemate in Washington, D.C. over the debt ceiling
The Good:
– an award from work came with actual monies and not just a token certificate
– being a “local” enough in Prague to be given a loyalty card to the coffee shop, filling it up, and getting a free drink
– reading end-of-term essays from my online course and having people say that they now enjoy economics and no longer dread it
– feeling like I’ve been on vacation long enough that I am ready to return to regular life
Quickly chickening again with one more bit of hard: my mother just called to tell me that my dad has been given a diagnosis of Stage 4 pancreatic cancer.
Casting about for a few more good things:
–I saw a turtle this morning. (Or maybe it was a tortoise. Either way, very cool.)
–Someone who loves me is baking me a chocolate cake today.
–Lots of sweet and silly creative play with my daughter this week. Come to think of it, that’s every week. I have a lot to be thankful for.
@ Andi lovely bead embroidery, especially the Garden.
@ Havi thx for link to Protest. LOL
Chicken: This week:
Seriously started writing my Manifesto. I am cracking myself up but also thinking a lot and doing research … all the GOOD.
Did some extra strength-building exercises (the GOOD) because I have become a lazy couch potato slob (the HARD).
My 71-yr-old Mom had a faint after donating blood (HARD) but was swiftly cared for by five cute EMTs (GOOD) and feels fine.
Have spent less than $150 (GOOD) but it was all on nonessentials, oops (HARD) and, double-oops, the week ain’t over yet. Must put the Spending Monster back in her cage.
Have to get my elderly car smog-tested and it may not pass (HARD). That I can walk to work if absolutely necessary = GOOD.
Happy Anniversary, Chicken!
And the no-friends thing. I’m there. Actually, the friends I do have live elsewhere, but I know from experience that even if I did live in the same geographic area, that they’d might as well be in, well, Bolivia. A very busy place, so I hear. So, yeah, finding people to do things with is so hard. Not to mention the fact that — and this is going to sound awful, but I’m being honest — I don’t like most people enough to spend lengthy periods of time with them. That’s the honest truth right there! Oh my, does this just mean I haven’t found my Right People to hang out with face-to-face, or that I’m becoming a miserable wretch who hates everyone? <—Sound the alarms! Monster Alert! Monster Alert!
The Hard:
-Some sleep issues. The pillows were kind of my enemy. Until I outwitted them. <–this makes me sound looney, doesn't it?
-A meltdown due to feeling unprepared and unequipped for this
life.
-Feeling very sensitive and vulnerable.
The Good:
+My SO genuinely comforted me during meltdown. Made me feel a little less lost.
+Our little animals are beautiful.
+A lot of intellectual stimulation at work.
+Enjoyed volunteer teaching so much I volunteered for Fall classes too!
+The agency I volunteer for profiled me for an article. Very sweet.
+The lady who runs the deli in my office building gave me a free breakfast sandwich today.
+I’m going out with some neighborhood gals (whom I’m ambivalent about, at times; see above), and we might see a concert.
+Am taking a day off next week!
@Kathleen — I am so very sorry to hear about your father. That is really hard news. My best friend’s dad had Pancreatic cancer. Wish I had any words of wisdom to share.
@Jesse — thank you.
@Dawn — sometimes pillows just need to be outwitted. I get it. 🙂
Here’s mine! http://peaceofpie.livejournal.com/910893.html
(I’ll be moving off Livejournal soon, but for now, that’s what I’ve got, so that’s where I’m posting stuff.)
It’s been a long time since I’ve posted one of these but I’m so glad you’re still doing it after all these years! <3
Friday Chickening already? Where did the week go? But I am SO joining in this week …
The Hard:
Overwhelm. Steep, steeeeeeeep learning curve on New Work Project that’s making me wonder why on earth I thought it would be a good thing to take it on – will I ever get to grips with what it’s all about? Brain is completely fried and everything seems to be taking so very long.
The Good:
I’m a Shivanaut now! Received the DVD (thank you Havi, Selma and Pirate Crew) and started doing a little mad flailing, which is paradoxically helping to keep me calm and sane in spite of the New Project (see above). Love it, love it, love it.
Congratulations and a million sparklepoints for three years of Friday Chickening, I can’t exactly remember when I first found my way here, it must have been a couple of years ago. But I’m so pleased I did.
Hugs all round especially to Spiralsongkat for the news about your dad. So very sorry.
I’m falling over laughing at the Protest Sign. I’m going to make one!
Three years of Chickens is amazing. It’s a great ritual to round off the week. I like the idea of using rituals to “bookend” the time frame. We used to go to a jazz club on Friday nights to mark the beginning of the weekend and to church on Sunday nights to mark the end of the weekend.
Now I do VPAs for the week and Chicken on Friday. Because, as Havi so wisely says, rituals are important.
So, this week:
The hard: tired, aches and pains, a weird sinus thing, brain fuzz, and not getting any movement on some things that I want to move on. Can’t find some things that I really want to find.
The good: oh, so much!
Attended the wedding of a favorite niece, and a cookout the next day.
Returning home on Sunday, we listened to a favorite recorded book and ended up laughing most of the way home.
Conversations about books and reading.
Working on an interesting thing that I shared at the writer’s group last night. Feeling very excited about it.
Swimming.
Napping.
Fresh fruit.
Helpful conversations with different versions of me.
Active support from my husband, who always says supportive things and gives emotional support but is not always able to DO things for me.
Vast improvements on some of his medical stuff.
Asking for help with some of the iguanas.
I love it when the good outnumbers and outweighs the hard! Thanks to the chicken for providing the perspective to see that.
Oh my gosh Three Years! Yayayayay!
I so wanted to go to that yoga class with you. And then I threw a little fit about how icky my body’s been feeling lately and then I remembered my mom and brother will be in town so I couldn’t go anyway and was spared the decision.
Anywho. Chickening.
The Hard:
– I have no compassion:
So much emotional drama. In that a good friend of my friend threatened to commit suicide and even though I’m not directly involved in any way, somehow I’m the emotional sponge for everyone else and I think the whole thing is stupid and an example of very bad boundaries on all of our parts.
I mean, it’s also painful and I’m sorry for everyone but remind me what I’m doing in the situation again? Other than adding to the pain by being in it myself? Ugh. Stupid.
Also bringing up all these old memories of growing up in a place with one of the highest teen suicide rate in the country. I’m tired of this. And that doesn’t make it go away, unfortunately.
– Still moving. Always moving.
Everything is more stressful against the backdrop of things not being put away. Though that should be 90% better by the end of this weekend, Inshallah.
And then I don’t want to move again ever. Not for at least a year. Even though it’ll probably be in 6 months or so because apartments bother me. When do I get a stable life?
– I miss my cat.
It’s not fair that people I love are allergic to my cat or that he has to stay at the boarder’s until my mom can come to get him or that I don’t get to love on him every day anymore.
My heart is breaking and every time a cat meows I cry and basically it sucks.
The Good:
– Living with my Gentleman Friend
Shared cooking adventures! SO delicious!! And he usually cleans up afterwards too.
And he’s as passionate about interior decorating as I am. If we had money, our place would be gorgeous. As it is, it’s still going to look pretty good.
But mostly: No more long commutes on the freeway to see him everyday! Waking up to his face every morning! Going on walks before bed every night! Very good.
– Working On my Business
This class I’m taking to help me get my business on its feet has me really inspired. I know what I’m supposed to do so I’m getting lots done. Momentum. I like that.
This week:
The good:
I got a super awesome gift — is it a secret? I dont’ know!
I finished my eBook for artists who want websites and came up with a title I think is the cat’s pagamas “The Online Artist’s Blueprint: Fine Art Websites for Gift Shop Budgets”
I made a mailing list
a new gentleman acquaintance who is totally sweet
i learned some Dance of Shiva moves!!
The Hard:
my face is super dry and ow
i dont know if i can use my super awesome gift
i didn’t get paid from a freelance gig
i didn’t make any money at all.
i’m worried about that.
Huh, I love your posts. Thank you for sharing all the good and the bad stuff.
The hard stuff
I’ve been working on something specific now for more than two years and have just got the info: it is needed to start again. For the third time. I’m not sure wether this will be more successful than the two before. Since then, I’m looking for my motivation.
The good stuff
Someone who is suffering a lot at the moment felt better after we had spent the afternoon together. Thanks for that!
Then there were two really really awesome things this week and both are somehow connected to the fluent self.
1. Absolutely awesome thing: Three days ago I had a very heavy “you will always fail and your business will never succeed because you are just unable to do it” monster attack. It was – huh. So I just started the monster dialogue. And stated coloring the very special monster in the monster coloring book. At first I didn’t really know what to ask this very special monster so I tried some Havi monster ideas. And then, after some thinking and talking and asking I suddenly had a moment of total clarity. I heard a voice and I knew to whom it belongs. And I realized how much love was behind these very painful monster words. And how much pain for the person himself. And I felt a huge wave of deep deep gratitude. This monster is very powerfull and it allowed me to change it’s name. it is now the Fight-for-me-monster. It was really really awesome and still is.
2. Really awesome thing: today when I was on a train a man started talking very disgustingly to the woman in front of me. he was drunk and he was less than disrespectful. She shouted at him but he didn’t stop. So she walked away, enraged. Normally I would have done the same, just to get out of his sight to feel safe again. But I didn’t want to give him this kind of success. He passed me twice and I didn’t give him the space to do it comfortably. So HE had to make himself small to be able to pass. And I looked him straight in the eyes and I told him what I
was thinking about his behavior. I was NOT afraid. I was totally calm. Something very important has changed and I think it has a lot to do with awe full thing number one.
Thank you Havi for your wonderful crazy way in offering inspiration and support.
omg – i SO wish i could go to a partner yoga class with you. imagine.the.fun.
congrats on 3 years of chicken! speaks to how important it is to have someone to chicken with.
here’s to a soft weekend of supportive bras and heating pads (maybe that’s just me). xoxo
Oh jeeze has this been a week!
Hard:
-Monday nite fighth with dear husband–started small and stupid became large and ridiculously stupid
-led to Tues am tensions headache
-still went to work since vibe at home was toxic
-lunchtime doc appt yeilded Most Painful Pelvic Exam EVAR
-followed by the words “any more anemic we’d need to have you admittd for a TRANSFUSION”
-and “need to schedule a biopsy ASAP”
-went back to work since vibe at home was toxic
-and 5 minutes later was laid off
-so by tues nite, i was completely dissociated. seriously, i do not know who was at the front of the V
-and today we had a skunk int he backyard and in my attempt to get out of the yard, it went under the porch
Good:
-flailed every day. have memorized Level One, seqeunce one, horizontal and vertical, and horizontal with legs too! love when I get a sequence down and can do it smoothly. and there’s still plenty in Level One that discombobulates me.
-honest communication with husband
-working on S’s initiation has been brought me lots of treasures
-my 9week chakra meditation is cool (this week is the Heart, and i have sorely needed it)
-support materializing from sources both expected and unexpected
-my dear friends Kath, Amelia, Diana, Angeli, and Pam helping me thru, in ways both alrge and small.
Thank Gawd this is the Heart Chakra week. Wearing my favorite color green and peridor jewelry has made bad things better.
Congratulations on 3 years of chicken!
And before I forget, thanks a *trillion!* for the under 21 link which, after I watched it for so long that I began singing the chorus, I realized really did make me happy.
The Hard:
I’m a relative online newbie. I mean, an eon ago, I was an online expert, and then everything fell apart especially me and as part of my falling apart I shunned the online world and crawled under my shell. And now that I’m making a return I come to find that the community I’ve been needing for the last ten years is right here online, I only had to find it & join in. There’s so much I need to hear here – here at the Fluent Self and the other sites I link to from here and the comments – that every time I’ve come by I get lost webbing around the links and learning about an overwhelming amount of stuff I need to learn. And it’s been, well, overwhelming and I started feeling like I didn’t have time to come here so much. So I backed off. And now I come to find out that I’ve gone and missed the Plum Duff! #%@*& Damn, that’s hard.
Also hard: having to drive. I really look forward to the day I move back to a city where I don’t need a car. The day is not yet scheduled, but it has to be out there on it’s way. It’s total insanity, I hate urban driving.
*Although this week I came up with a plan to phase out excess carbon emission problems: just switch driver license renewal to a detective type process. Several people will, unbeknownst to the driver who needs to renew, furtively observe said driver’s driving habits. If the driver drives in a consistently sane and mindful manner, his or her license will be renewed and if not, it will be permanently revoked. Conservative estimates project that within a few years of enacting the new system, 97% of one person carrying vehicles will be off the roads. 😉
The Good:
In the past week, I’ve felt supported maybe 80% of the time, and that made me feel like I can move into what I want to do online & creatively, and that’s huge for me. And “what I want to do” has been somewhat less fluid than usual. And tonight in my linking around the Fluent Self, I discovered the Your ideal family post and that’s really good. The whole, “Like every human being, you need positive feedback from someone who’s on your side before it becomes safe to feel openly good about yourself,” thing makes so much sense. I had a huge shift in myself recently when someone I felt like someone was on my side. But also, noticing how huge the shift was also brought so much grief, for how long I’ve needed someone to be on my side and haven’t had it. I plan to go through that Wishcraft exercise and get myself an ideal family that has wonderful things to say about me for me to look back on when I’m in need of support, and continue my quest for community online, even if I did miss the Plum Duff. I’m slow at this; I’m trying to get my life back and remain grounded and it’s just time consuming for me to be in my body; my turtle advisor helps me remember to move as slowly as I need to, and that there’s movement. Naturally everything I want to do cannot be done as quickly as I’d like, since nearly every time I stop by here I find two or nine more projects I want to do.
Yesterday evening was a garden party at the community garden where I have a plot this year – my first garden. And two of my sungold cherry tomatoes were ripe! But mostly I had a lovely time visiting with other people from the neighborhood.
Today I didn’t drive my car! And I made my awesome Cold Noodle Salad with Mango.
The hard stuff: tooth ache, sort of, not really bad bad but a distinct feeling that something is wrong, and only ten days before I start my Magical Mystery Tour to the Orkneys. Grrr. Had to go to the dentist – Fear!
It is not over yet, They could not REALLY find what is going on there. Might have to have root canal treatment-ieeeh!
The good stuff:
Tooth ache did not come at last day before travelling. I went to dentist, in fact to one of those anonymous dental sort of hospital things. They did not do anything harmful. I will have to check in again if it gets worse. It did not get worse so far.
I did art supply shopping and preparations for Magical Mystery Tour to Orkney.
I started a FERALESS painting last Sunday.
3 years? Congratulations, although normally a lurker, I think I will join in for the first time.
The hard this week:
-PMS, total body and soul slam for the fourth month in a row, making everything difficult.
-boundary violation, I agreed to something that didn’t quite work for me because I was being ridiculed for my preferences and I wanted to be helpful. That upset me a lot, but I decided not to cancel as I had made the commitment and just wouldn’t agree to it again in the future. THEN THEY DIDN’T EVEN SHOW UP!!!
-constant headache due to stupid uncomfortable bed in the place I am staying at temporarily. Missing my own bed and needing a decent night of sleep.
-lots of 4am philosophizing and deciding that I just don’t, nor will I ever fit into this world in which I live
-rain, rain, rain
The good:
-rain makes mushrooms grow, and yesterday’s haul will soon be turned into very tasty mushroom soup that I can only make at this time of year
-having a boundary violated made it more clear that it needs to be there, and I am not just being silly or difficult as has been implied
-4am philosophizing was not all doom and gloom, had some interesting realizations
-the cat continues to be an effortless natural comedian
-that brewery link was so delightful, I am about to go to it for a third time.
-participating in chickening for the first time, perhaps I will try it again
Best wishes to everyone for the week to come.
Only a little late, even though for me it’s, like, Sunday! CHICKEN.
The Hard
– Working so many hours. I managed to get 25 hours under my belt in two days, because we’re understaffed and the manager constantly guilts us reliable workers into working more and more and more until we break down in a heap. Then I was cranky and sleepy when I finished work. Blerrrgh.
– I made my first unsuccessful batch of popcorn and managed to *completely* ruin my wok. Ergh.
– Was reminded yesterday that classes start up again next week, which I am not prepared for. But at least I am very thankful for the reminder, because otherwise I would have missed my classes completely.
– Spent a few days in scary obsession-level of weight loss, and inside that zone it was really difficult to separate reality and craziness, and know that this was temporary. Book of Me stuff right there.
The Good
– Feeling comfortable around _new_ people in our house. They were kind and polite and didn’t make me nervous, which I am very grateful for.
– I am finding more pleasure in falling down rabbit holes, especially if the rabbit hole seems *far* detached from My Thing. Specifically, I really wanted to learn more about and take up cross-stitch again. The more irrelevant something new and interesting seems, the more I want to do it and the more I allow myself to! Before, my brain would have perked up and said, “Ah NO, that’s not related to Your Thing, please don’t waste time.” As an artist I know that this is what makes us interesting. Heck, even as *humans*, falling down rabbit holes is how we grow into new and interesting people.
– Consistently getting on my bike and, ergh, exercising. And consistently looking and feeling healthier. I’ve also managed to try some Level 1 arms whilst on my stationary bike, for some added bing.
– Discovered Schumann’s “Albumblätter” and learned that it is *perfect* for post work-out winding down. Or whenever I need to calm down, really. Perhaps I should add it to the Shiva soundtrack!
So, I’m a few days late. I’ll probably VPA today too. I travelled on Friday, raced on saturday, and pretended to be dead yesterday (also I was outran by a 64 year old man who couldn’t stand up straight and had run 8 miles more than me, though by mile 17 I also could not stand up straight).
The Good –
ironman finally came and the checking into the hotels and everything all associated with the surrounding race stuff went well. coworkers told me i rocked just for even thinking about trying something like this.
the friends and family came to the race and cheered us on. Hubby and I started on the run/walk together
I am set for vacation all this week! yay vacation!
we have money in the bank even though we spent a ton of money this weekend. so the you will die penniless monsters are satisfied that we are not poor just yet.
work stuff is settled somewhat or at least i don’t have to think about it
spa is my friend 🙂
went to bed super early on Friday night and managed to wake up on my own before the alarm on race day! that was like amazingness since we were getting up before 4am.
camp nanowrimo begins for me today! woot w00t!
The Hard-
Despite all the hard work husband and I did not actually finish the race. We did not make the 9pm cut off time for starting the 3rd lap of the marathon. I finished lap 2 about 9:30 and he finished about 9:45. I could have probably finished at 9:15 if I’d run more, but after 8:45 when it was clear I wasn’t going to make it and my feet hated me, I decided to stop running.
the feets apparently have blisters, not on the soles of the feet because i already have a nice callus built up there, but in between the toes and at the edge of the callus on my heels. (this not finishing is secretly a good thing though, it inspires us to do better next year, and you know what what’s 140.6 vs. 131.9ish anyway? we’re almost there. and i did a revue on it and well, amazingness i know what i should work on next year and what else i can do to make the race go smoother. so this is be good.
having to spend $110 on a spare key for my car because the dealership lied and it was chipped. when i asked at the dealership for a spare and they said, it’s not chipped you can get a cheap key from a locksmith.
ripping my pants going back and forth from locksmith to home to car dealership to buy an programmed key b/c locksmith was out back to locksmith… somewhere in there one of my 2 pairs of shorts ripped. now i has but one pair of shorts. *sighs*