In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
You guys! It’s chicken number two-two-two. Tutus for everyone! Three twos for everyone!
ALL THE TWOS.
For everyone.
The hard stuff
Man, I am wiped out.
This is the fourth year in a row I’ve run a weeklong retreat, and each time I get better at resting beforehand and setting things up for slightly-future me so that it doesn’t destroy me.
Well done, past-me.
And.
Teaching and facilitating is so much work, and I am tired. Happy-tired, for sure. And also: oh right, so tired!
Saturday.
I had a day of Doing A Million Things, none of which I wanted to do but all of which were necessary and vital.
And then I was in a mood, because doing a million things is not conducive to happy restful Havi.
Too many things.
There are too many things.
Rethinking plans.
Encountering old desires that are no longer relevant, old voyages planned that go in directions which don’t pull me.
Unresolved situation is still unresolved.
I haven’t been thinking about it because of the Crossing taking over my life.
And I am hoping that letting it sit while I [am going through the important things that I am going through] is going to somehow be good for it. That somehow one transformation will cause another one.
But also I would like this situation to just be resolved already.
My two favorite teams are in the world series and my heart is torn.
Usually it’s not even slightly a problem having two favorite baseball teams.
They play in different leagues and, let’s be honest, pretty much most of the time they’re both kind of terrible.
I honestly never imagined there would be a Tigers-Giants world series, and I feel ALL THE FEELINGS and I do not like it.
So it’s kind of nice to be really, really, really busy and not able to watch too closely. Because I can’t bear it.
The good stuff
The Crossing!
Crossing the Line is the most intense thing I teach. By a lot.
And I’m not doing it again for three more years, so this one is extra-intense.
It is AMAZING.
The people, the experience, the stuff we’re doing together. All of it. Big crazy transformation in the sneakiest ways possible.
I am thrilled about this group. I am delighted about what I’ve been discovering. I like everything about this astonishing thing that we are going through together.
Even better: we’re not done. We have until Tuesday to keep magic-ing!
I have more things to say about how great the Crossing is.
Actually, I could write volumes about the Crossing.
But right now I just want to say how wonderful it is to be in this space with these people. To hear the things people say to each other. Like this:
“Okay, so you want to cross from the courage side of the street to the permission side, and head three blocks in the direction of ease…”
Or this:
“I just discovered that I can’t simultaneously hula hoop and jump on a trampoline, or at least not if I’m also trying to take care of what I think other people need.”
Or this:
“Huh. I had absolutely no idea I knew so much about polynesian seafaring!”
And also these sentences make total sense. This world, you guys. It is fun and nutty and surprising and beautiful. And I am in it. In fact, it exists because of me. That is the most marvelous thing that I can think of.
Massive epiphanies. Extraordinary, indescribable epiphanies.
Realizations like mad.
Everything makes sense!
I forgot that last year’s Crossing was like this too. The things that I know right now! They are big.
Sweetness. So much sweetness. So very much.
That is all I have to say about that.
Preparation.
I took care of myself so well before the Crossing. I want all the sparklepoints!
The madness of Saturday aside, I spent so much time just caring for myself.
Baths. Napping. Writing. Quiet. Avoiding the world. Readying myself. Ritual. Space. It was fantastic.
And it changed everything.
Support.
The First Mate has been doing a thousand tiny things to make my life comfortable while I’m teaching, and I appreciate every single one of them.
Everything is different now.
I could not be in a more different place than I was before last year’s Crossing.
Everything I planted this week last year came true. In weird and unlikely ways.
And now this is an entirely new everything. And realizing that was really neat.
The return of the neverending playdate.
Playtime with my playmate made everything better this week.
It was everything I wanted and everything I needed. So much delight, so much discovery, so much play.
Heart-healing.
A truly astounding thing.
Marisa is here.
I could not be happier about this.
Also we jumped to the power of two, and this is good.
The things I didn’t know I wanted that showed up anyway.
Flamboyance. Frivolity. Frolicking.
Among other things.
Giants are killing it.
Even though it is breaking my heart because I love the Tigers so much, and it’s been almost thirty years, and oh I feel sad and conflicted!
Still. I admit. My heart is also soaring for the Giants.
I mean, come on. The pandas’s three home runs. Zito’s RBI. Lincecum coming in to close. Madbum being great. Pence’s crazy face. Pagan stealing second. Romo Romo Romo. Come on.
Yeah, fine. I’m really excited! Also really sad. But really excited!
Teaching without teaching.
We have been conducting and playing and experimenting and humming.
We are doing capers instead of exercises, configurations instead of groups, and somehow the less I teach the more I teach. Which is exactly how I wanted it to happen.
Clarity.
Yes.
Hilarity.
Laughing until tears.
Appreciation.
I have a heart full of tingle-joy appreciation. Not that the hard isn’t hard, because it is. But there is peacefulness too. And dozens and dozens of tiny deeply-felt thank-yous making themselves heard.
Playing live at the meme beach house — it’s the Fake Band of the Week!
Background? Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once translated “people will hate me and be jealous” to “they’ll hang out at my Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.
This week’s band is from my playmate. They’re loud. But not as loud as you’d think.
MENTAL FRANKENSTEIN HOUSES.
Though, of course, as you’ve probably already guessed, it turns out that it’s really just one guy.
Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. Announcement time.
Picture me wearing that crazy hat…
We’re out of the non-sucky yoga dvd packages, and getting closer to being done with the shiva nata starter kits.
This will be the last of them.
The page says there are 50 but that’s because I haven’t had time to update. It’s more like twenty, I think.
Also, all the outrageous epiphanies I have been having this week are because of the shiva nata we’ve been doing at the Crossing. I love this practice.
That’s it for me …
Join my Friday ritual in the comments if you feel like it. Or call silent retreat!
We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. And we don’t give advice (unless people specifically ask for it).
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.
Follow
Clucking in a tutti-frutti tutu! Bkark!
Hards
– yesterday
– mismatched expectations of what is appropriate in certain situations
– sorting through and letting go of one’s old life
– granting permission for reality to be the way it is, when you so loved your story with someone’s face on it. But they’re not your story they’re just them. And you’re not their story they loved you’re just you. And then finding that the real yous love each other too but not enough to live in the same house. Or maybe ENOUGH to not live in the same house. Confusing. And hard.
When my cousin was seven and had just lost her imaginary friend she was crying and said to me ‘I know he wasn’t REAL. But I did REALLY love him’. Like that.
Good stuff
+ family, friends, floop
+ being able to get drunk and not have a hangover because you just PRETEND you’re drinking. It makes hard times much better just like booze but without the negatives of boozing. Most brilliant idea ever? Possibly. Certainly worked for me this week.
+ I will get to the time this has worked itself out. I will find a place I can find my feet. It is coming. I am moving towards it. Everything is okay. Insert birth metaphor here and hand me some emotional equivalent of the nitrous oxide because oh man the hard!!
Clucks. xxxxxx
Here I come,riding the chicken choo-choo, in a tutu,like a fairground stripper 🙂
The Hard
#Twas cold up north, brrr
#A slowly deflating bed, and that’s not a proxy!
#Not feeling sovereign enough to say ‘no thanks’to things
#Scary, so not me, things that I then got entangled in.
#The aftermath lasted all week.
#google now officially hates my main website & my latest course has hardly any one signed up 🙁
The Good
#Connections strengthened and renewed
#Things that got fixed with ease & no need for me to complain.
#I did some good ‘taking care of me’and the sky did not fall in. Monster chorus were incredulous!
#No shoes were thrown – again monsters were shocked.
#The whole google thing is making me rethink what I want to do, scary but exciting too.
Cluck!
the suck:
-too much wrk, too little help
-being slack at work due to tired. shame
-ongoing toxic bickering between my kids. I’d rather have a play date with the sunni and the Shia some days than listen to “mom she took my thing!” “well she breathed at me”. seriously y’all.
-the Homeboy situation. In a sleep-deprived moment I spoke my truth rather harshly to someone. Feeling not great about that, but also relieved that i am probably not going to hav to di it again
-not much movemnt on my writing projects and no time put towards Treehousing lately
-the bad food of the past 2 weeks has caght up with me. I look puffy and bloated, and my weight is up, and my clothes are tight. poorly timed with beginning of snow-season, so i’m choosing high-fat over low-fat anyway.
the sparkle:
-better welltending
-everything got easier this week
-yesterday i got focused and productive at work, was able to move projects along
-moms came and took my kids to Florida, thank the Gawds
-Samhain! Coven on saturday! Getting a Samhain invite that I am excited about!
-Pagan Prde Day was very good! Bonuses: new earrings that i love, and a hope of more theatre play with new friends
-omg you guys, NEW FREINDS
– a beautiful letter from an altar-sister. happy tears
-last night’s dinner: tilapia dusted in hazelnuts, with a lemon basil sauce.
-got my Non Sucky Yoga package! Got new Yoga pants. So many virtuous circles here! Not to mention a huge boost for Operation Natasha
Shabbat Shalom, sweet friends!
Cheers, Chickeneers!
The Hard
– unfinished projects
– stooopid online system not recognizing my change of address resulting in me physically having to make a trip to the DMV
– being annoyed at a particular typo
The Good
– clarity on course design for the rest of the semester
– a lovely get-a-way to a(n) historic, fancy-schmancy hotel with my husband
– the most beautiful gold nail polish
Oh so much love for the Crossing. I am so happy it exists! It is so important for the entire world!! I feel strongly about this!!!
(Someone told me recently I only get three exclamation points in my entire life so I should use them wisely, and I was like “Maybe you do, Dude. I get all the exclamation points.”)
I don’t want to look at my week, because it was hard. But I do want to look at it, because I always discover something surprising and important when I do. So I will make a safe room for the Mes that are wailing and they can eat pancakes while Me-who-can-handle-it is at the front of the V.
The Hard:
– Oh the not sleep. So much with the not sleep. A pregnant Rhiannon needs 9-10 hours of sleep a night, bare minimum. When she’s sick, she needs more. And last night it was 7, and the night before it was somewhere between 5 and 6, and most of the other nights it’s been maybe 8.
– Never getting better from the sickness, because oh yeah, that would require rest. And adequate food. And less stress. These elements are not coming together!
– The awful awful day that was yesterday. Involving doctors giving us all kinds of worrying information about our baby, without actually answering our initial questions. Or any questions. Or…it was awful.
– They also completely triggered all my old abuse/PTSD/rape trauma by casually treating me and my body like we were not human. And other things. There is a long list that I am listing everywhere but mostly I’m just sad and angry and hurting and worried and need food and rest and safety and legitimacy.
– Hey, guess what pattern I’m in again on the same two fronts I always am? Waiting for more information. About the purple house and about my baby. This pattern is hard for me.
– Money stuffs. Things I was counting on happening didn’t happen. Guilt guilt guilt guilt guilt from the monsters.
– So ridiculously over-scheduled. Breaking all the rules in the Book of Me about how many days can be on with how many days off. Looks like I get a short break on Monday? That is not soon enough!
– Relationship stuffs. Seeing a subtle pattern that really needs to shift and not having the slightest idea how to go about doing that because it also forms the bedrock of my mind’s idea of reality. And yet it is causing pain everywhere…
– Friend who was staying with us moved 40 minutes away, and I miss him every day. All the time. I hid in the bathroom while he left and wouldn’t even say goodbye because of all the sadness.
– Abandonment issues from reaching out for help and not getting the responses I wanted in the way I wanted them.
– General lack of force-fielding early in the week means I was a walking sponge for people’s stuff and somehow there were always teenagers and boy do they have a lot of stuff. Headaches and shakiness and being made fun of openly and other weirdness. Because I forgot about conscious entry for three days for some reason.
– All my words are still gone. To a greater extent than before. So I sound like this: “Oh, and then the thing. You know? The thing and the other thing? And…oh, I forgot what I was saying.”
– Bleh. Other stuff as well. Silent retreating.
The Good:
– Lunch with Julie! She is the best!! I want to talk to her ALL THE TIME.
– Phone date with my friend who moved that was probably one of the best conversations I’ve had in months. Super special and amazing.
– HUGE realization about needing support (how many hard clews did I get about that this week?) and a tentative and very exciting plan on that front.
– Also lots of actual support. In the Floop, from the people I call who actually call me back, from the hubsters, etc. Even Facebook has been pretty great.
– Also my mother-in-law. She saved my butt this week.
– I started watching the new season of the Office, and I laughed really hard. A lot. Also? DeathStarPR on twitter. “Han Solo ALWAYS shoots first, never says ‘I love you,’ smells of space bear and drives a used ship. You can do better, ladies.”
– The whole “Hey look, the bedrock of my reality is based on a distortion” epiphany. Because that’s good as well as hard. It will probably change everything.
– I am getting much better at surviving awful situations. And waking up a bit in the middle of them. So even sucky awful no-good weeks end up working better than before. Progress!
– Looking back at a life goal I made for myself when I was 19 and realizing that in the last 6 years I have completely blown my highest expectations for myself out of the water. And that learning more about this thing is now so much a part of my patterns that continuing to get better is just happening. With flow and ease.
That’s all! Or probably not, but that is plenty!
Yay for the good! There-theres for the hard.
This week:
The Hard –
– debt. Less and different than before, but still.
The Good:
– plan in place for debt. Baby steps. Moving forward. Chip away. Be grateful for what the debt provided me with – car, education, other goodness.
– was able to pay myself a pay check that is the first ideal amount I want. This is very very good. Visioning this for all coming weeks.
– storm coming (literal.) Good chance to clear out fridge, make emergency packs, batten down hatches.
– letting go of friends and energy that don’t serve me. Easier than I thought, and good for everyone I think.
– Spanish learning. Coming back so fast, which is nice.
– Eyes getting better. And eye doctor didn’t charge me for the visit yesterday, which is very nice.
Hard
– stuck on a work thing
– having to cancel my ‘big sis on tour’ – tour
– work is hard
– having to clarify another unrealistic work expectation. ugh when does it end
Good
+ everything so much better than before
+ continuously reconfiguring work thing
+ progress in the work thing !!
Tutus for all who want them! Now wondering how I could get my cat in a tutu. Because clearly the internet needs more cat photos. 😀
The hard:
Feeling rather zoned out and foggy and lacking in energy all week, which has resulted in what feels like very little getting done.
All of Monday somehow vanishing in Doing Things That Needed to be Done.
Realising I need new glasses and being in all the stuff about the cost. Also eyestrain headaches.
All the money stuff coming up!
Silent retreating about a hard thing!
Unexpected criticism.
Kitty still nibbling herself raw.
The good:
Reached out for some help today, and although it’s also a little scary so glad I’m doing this.
Good things with part-time work, including eating the best veggie lasagna I’ve ever had.
Lovely visit with my cousin at the weekend, including drinking wine + nomming delicious dinner, good talks, and hanging out in one of my favourite cafes.
Lots of photo-taking this week. And getting paid for some of it!
Lots of inspiration for the novel, and even better, giving myself permission to work in the way that works for me. So, doing the planning + research before I start, and no NaNoWriMo for me.
I decided to give online dating another whirl, and after 24 hours, it’s going well.
Love to all!xx
Hard stuff:
GAH so tired! and achy! and miserable! Right now! And I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep, and miles to go before I sleep. (As I quote that poem, I am reminded that it’s really a poem about stopping, pausing to take in a moment of beauty. That’s worth remembering.)
Also I am so sick and tired of being on the receiving end of a certain person’s projections, and frustrated that I still let them get to me as much as I do. Still. There’s progress here, too. Stopping. Noticing. Remembering. Taking it in.
Good stuff:
A lovely solitary day in Washington, DC, which included re-taking, and handily passing, the music therapy board certification exam. So, now I have met the requirements for recertification, and won’t have to worry about that for another handful of years.
I know I put this on my Good list practically every week, but really it is so good: my family loves me, and they let me know in so many ways how much I mean to them.
Spontaneous sushi.
Hhhmmmm. Let’s see.
Hard:
-This little project of mine is showing me a lot of my stuff. And I was in utter avoidance of it for like 2 whole painful days. Bleh.
-Forgot to sign up for Wednesday yoga ahead of time and thus couldn’t go.
-I’m perceiving time as being very scarce right now.
Good:
-I destuckified the project avoidance! Containers of 20/10 and learning to be a mecha-pilot! Also loads and loads of kindness. Knitting breaks and stretch breaks and tea.
-The hippie place next door to my office makes delicious food. I’m even *liking* broccoli when they make it.
-Excellent weekend full of wonderful people.
-I’ve managed to sneeeeakily get a couple of hours for making colorful things this week, and maybe can do the same next week! And I feel like this is the next iteration of What My Art Looks Like. (Well, maybe. Maybe it’s just something that looks neat! Either way, making neat things = happy Riv.)
Slipping on my tutu and doing a chickeny twirl with y’all!
WHEEEEEEEE!
Heart hug to Rhiannon for the not enough sleep (and all hard hards this week)
High-five to Jane on the Novel front – sounds fabulous.
As for my week….
HARDS:
* A heart sadness:
?A dear friend crossed-over/passed on/left us.
?I hurt for her son and daughter and I grieve her loss.
?I am thankful she had a gentle transition with her loved ones at her side.
* Rough going some days in the NIP.
? Hit a different rhythm this week, doing a different thing, a not as much fun thing as last week.
? I need to allow myself to enjoy, embrace and celebrate all the different pieces and ways of working that are necessary to this creation.
*Saying “I need to” WAY too much – as a judging thing.
?Need to need to need to…should should should…these words will bury me.
?At least I notice them now. That’s gotta be good, right?
GOODS:
* A gentle passing:
+ I’m glad M has found rest, or moved forward to become a galactic ambassador – she would make a lovely ambassador, having been a healer in this realm.
+ I’m glad R could be home, with his mother this week. A miracle of timing that we are all so grateful for.
+ I’m honoured that I was invited into the room to say my farewell. I hold her memory in my heart and I wave to her departing essence from the shore.
* Lending a hand:
+ Pleased to be able to help some pals shift their stuff into a new home.
+ Twas a joy to spend some time helping out, working some muscles, feeling useful and just hanging out with them and their fabulous furry friends.
* Celebrating the Work Rhythm!
+ I did a super happy dance in celebration of the new rhythm of the 2 hours pure writing time I’ve followed through on for the past few weeks. And also give a woot woot for all the word done OUTSIDE the writing time – the researching, thoughtful walking and dreaming.
+ It feels so good, and though I had a rough time on Thurs and Fri — feeling overwhelmed by how much I NEED (yeah yeah, there it is again) to work on and feeling like I will never get it all in, all right, all….fabulous… I know that this is what is needed…steady, forward movement.
+ Word by word I build it!
Sending “happy play full” week end wishes to all you fabulous feathery dancers!
go easy -p
Hard:
* big bad attack of mehhhhhhh
* big bad-crater zit right in the spot a BreatheRight tab would go
* project S still daunting
Good:
* identified an issue w/PS that was part of the stuck
* refinancing finally in home stretch
* long bike ride earlier this week and later today
* house is cleaner
Shabbat shalom, y’all.
What a week! It is like everything is clearing out just in time for the frankenstorm, oh my goodness. The GOOD is a major watershed week for me–I feel like it’s the benefit of doing Shiva Nata for four months and also thanks for the vibes from the Crossing, I don’t know what y’all are doing but it is RIPPLING OUT for sure 🙂
The hard:
*I was up until 430/530 am twice this week. I am super tired and sort of revving and want to get more done. I don’t want to stop working. And I am beyond exhausted.
*b/c of that the systems are messed up–the resting and supplements and food systems.
*Lack of space, constant low-level stress due to lack of boundaries and space are a serious problem I don’t have a solution to.
*NOT really a good budget week.
*I have to do all this annoying shuffling and time wasting around not having enough space, and I have to probably clear out the freezers and go to higher ground for a week because it is extremely likely to flood and have power outages like last year, and this takes so much energy, more than I can even really bear to acknowledge (but it is also kind of an adventure and I get to go hang out with people I love, so, silver lining)
*Shifting between (silent retreat) and self care is definitely not a skill I really have mastered AT ALL
The good:
*Vitamin D blood count: 76. I feel like a rock star and I am so grateful to all the grass-fed stock, beef, and love keeping me healthy and cold-free all fall 🙂 I am so grateful I know about this and it works so well!
*Took week off from really difficult teeth-pulling pace of editing which always kills me, thank god
*Travel and adventures 2 days this week during gorgeous weather
*UGLY building (proxy) blocking view REMOVED in perfect timing–huge feng shui fix! What a lovely surprise, and soooo thoroughly executed 🙂
*MAJOR impediment–something stuck for YEARS with (silent retreat) removed as if magically. So major I can’t even speak. (“Can’t forget the things you never said”/bury the lede dep’t) Tens of thousands of lost dollars, dozens of draining hours a week now gone.
*Crockpot meatballs with grass fed sausage saved the day all week long and are SO delicious
*(Silent retreat): MAJOR PROGRESS. So much fun, really delicious, really safe, good good good, growth at a pace I can handle, even the really irritating part–sooooo irritating!!, oh my word, I could rip someone’s head off–is structurally an excellent thing and me learning to see the big picture despite is actually this weird fun meditation. What a gift. There has been a huge transformation because of stuff Past Me dug into and researched and worked through earlier in 2012, and I am really grateful.
*Somebody told me an epic fascinating family story in 45 minutes I COULD NOT GET ENOUGH OF. Never happens. What a gift. Yay surprises! It involved Liverpool, Staten Island, nurses, Wales, nervous breakdowns, slumming debutantes, and Montana.
*Excellent outfits, thank you 50% off old navy, a winter working/writing uniform of 4 same but different colors striped dresses, bright teggings, frye boots–what an excellent, easy, soothing, fun structure.
*Support for the pinkness of book which I turned most of in this week is high! People are HAPPY
* Curtis Mayfield visitations on spotify AND THE RADIO all week long: miracle and thank you
*Anger passage of boundaries is over: now it is very clear, dammit, simple: I do not do admin, I do not do email, I do not do voicemail/the answering machine, I only do talking and planning, period. My rate is clearer.
*Also, Dammit: Dear Mr. Man in the Jesus baseball cap looking to proseletyze at Starbucks: my rate for that is twice my top hourly rate, if that’s what you’re into.
*Creating future structure for much more healing and rest time in the coming months
*Forms I was avoiding: handed them in today. Yay.
BIG FRANKENLOVE TO ALL CHICKENS 🙂 xoxox
Reveling in the light, like a fairground stripper!
I just looked up from my laptop and saw the most amazing view — red flowers in a vase by the window, a branch of red and gold maple leaves on the tree across the street, a drift of red and gold leaves, slightly faded, ibtge dark gray roof of the neighbor’s house; above the roof, a gloriously golden yellow tree flanked by a cypress with orange-tinged green needles, and in the foreground the still-green leaves of a sweet gum.
I grabbed my camera and took several pictures. I wasn’t able to frame in the camera what I actually saw and the light that made the scene blaze with beauty was fleeting. But I have the photos to remind me of that ephemeral wonder.
The light on that scene keeps changing. The gold and red fade and the greens become stronger, then the greens meld into the background/foreground and the grays of roof and bark and branches stand out. And then the red and gold again.
Every year I am amazed at the sheer profligate beauty of the autumn. The glow of the leaves draws my eye to things I’ve never noticed before, odd little architectural quirks or the way a branch grows, or something in the landscape.
My week has been like that. Noticing the light. Having my attention called to things I don’t normally notice or think about.
What’s been hard this week:
– MrB has a cold and feels miserable, and he’s having more trouble with his blood pressure — it drops significantly when he stands up. I’m working pretty hard to keep from catastrophizing about this, to not let the memory of past complications from these two situations (e.g. frequent falls, subdural hematoma) have too much attention.
– Needing to wear heavier clothing means more pain. I’ll have to start the stronger medicine again soon.
– Weird sleep patterns.
– Total lack of desire to do things that I know will make a difference.
– A weird thing that my computer keeps doing and that seems to be getting worse.
What’s been good:
+ Pretty much everything else.
+ My class at the community college is already set up for spring, with complete ease.
+ I wrote on the Floop about the importance of a positive focus, and about things in my life that are positive. I realized that there are many many things that make me happy. This is the best part of my life, ever, so far.
+ Learning things.
Sending light to all the hards and sparkles to all the goods.
The hard:
-Work is still hard. Still on my own doing the duties of 2 people. And when I get home, all I want to do is hide from everything. Since I live with 3 other people and 2 dogs, that doesn’t work very well and it’s making me grumpy.
-Having to ask people for things. But, when you’re applying for a new job and need references, there’s no way around it. Plenty of awkward phone conversations this week because of it.
-Knowing that applying for this new job isn’t the right thing for me, but also knowing that it is the right thing for right now.
-Forgot something big. Mosters are shouting at me!
-It was -15 degrees(F) for several days this week. It’s too soon!!! Sure, Alaska’s supposed to be cold, but we’re supposed to get more snow to insulate us first. Waaah, Mother Nature!!
The good:
-Still managing to handle the work of 2 people even if there’s a lot of it. I’m currently practicing the 1 touch rule and it’s working very well for me.
-People are still supporting me. So many kind words and help at work because they know I’m on my own.
-Self care is a wonderful thing. Reaping the rewards of continued self care is even better.
-Good parent/teacher conference about my daughter. She’s a smart, happy, funny, stubborn little character and I wouldn’t have her any other way.
-I’m writing again! I’M WRITING AGAIN!!!!!!
-Ran into a friend that I lost touch with.
I will now chicken, in spite of my deeply engrained habit not to. Just because!
Ahem. It’s okay, sweetie, we’re just playing with this.
The hard:
– Feeling cranky and perceiving my efforts worthless at work.
– Body image yada yada crap.
– I just want to sleep and wean and I’ve wanted it forever and it’s not happening. Argh. Monsters say this is clearly my fault. Not helpful, monsters. Please submit your complaints to the NVC translation office.
The good:
+ Full-body realization that I am okay, I am safe, I am wonderful.
+ Staying in my forcefield. It’s a good place to be.
+ Planting presents for me of next week, who has two days off.
+ Being pleasantly surprised, TWICE, by someone who I thought no longer loved me.
Multitudinous tutus!
This week’s hard:
– Something that should have taken four hours took two days. Ugh.
– Sleeping waaaaaay too much since getting back from my trip. For the most part I’m letting myself just go with it and wake up naturally, but these ten-hour sleep stretches are starting to cut into the time I have to do the stuff I need to do.
– Some marketing algorithm has decided that I’m moving to Bolivia (I’m most definitely NOT) and sending me all kinds of magazines about living in Bolivia and coupons for things that I would need if I were moving to Bolivia and invitations for me to visit hospitals on my way to Bolivia. Actually, this isn’t as much hard as it is mystifying and somewhat amusing — to me — but I can only imagine how all this assumption of Boliviation would feel to someone who desperately wanted to move to Bolivia but couldn’t or who was preparing to move to Bolivia but was thwarted, and that just makes me seethingly angry. (And also curious about WTF I did to get on such a list.)
This week’s good:
– Always a joy to see my friend D.
– A whole day of hooky with my sister on the most glorious fall day ever. Driving random back roads through Amish country with the windows down. Eating a most excellent lunch.
– Sneaky new plan for working on my secret projects. Taking baby steps to implement it.
Happy weekend, everyone!
SO long since I’ve chickened! And even now I’m late!
So much last week.
The hard:
Sick. Sick sick. Yucky sick.
I need lots of naps.
The great!
Freelance writing gig.
I finished the RAT (Romilly announces a thing) for a very dear to my heart thing that I’ve been putting off for years. (I actually announced it publicly this morning on my blog…)
I got a mess straightened out with my distributor.
I’ve discovered that strength training is great for my mood, even when sick.
I accomplished a LOT of stitching. It’s amazing what you can do when you’re sick! 😛