Because it’s Friday AGAIN. And because traditions are important. In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
I know we chickened already just yesterday, but this one is just for this week, and therefore slightly less traumatic, she types hopefully.
Hi.
Quite a week. A crappy, miserable, stupid week. For the most part.
But we made it. Yay. Also: Happy New Year!
The hard stuff
2009 having its way with me. Again.
On Wednesday I posted this at the bar on Twitter:
Gah. Worst day in the world? Apparently this is 2009 saying don’t let the door smack you on the ass on the way out.
And it seriously felt like that.
Discovering an impossibly huge tangle of administrative chaos that was totally all my fault.
Seven hundred anxiety attacks followed by tossing out all the other important stuff clamoring for attention and profuse apologizing to everyone else whose day I accidentally destroyed.
Lovely.
Seriously I was ready all week for this year of hard to be over. Come on, symbolic new beginnings!
Sleep stuff.
I don’t know if it’s the full moon or the crazy transitioning or a week of doing soul accounting, but the sleep was not happy.
Lots of thrashing and nightmares and not good.
Winter.
I kind of turn into a cranky, scaly-skinned hag.
Snow triggering … more stuff.
I can appreciate snow.
It’s pretty. My gentleman friend and I both work from home so it’s not like we have to go out in it unless we feel like it.
And everything we need is in walking distance. So that part is all good.
It’s just … something about watching it fall sets off old memories of old things and my heart tightens.
More things to work on.
The good stuff
This transitional period both literally and symbolically ending.
… and a new one beginning.
So so so ready for this.
We have a new year at the Kitchen Table. A first year ever of Biggification 2010. Great people. Big, crazy, powerful stuff to look forward to.
The Twitters.
Everyone showed up to cheer me up on the Day of Horribleness and Hard.
Offering me bunnies and flowers and whiskey and emergency trips to the Angel Refueling Station.
- Briana said: “And dear 2009: Why don’t you go ahead and buzz off? I think we’re done here.”
- Mona said: “They’re about to take out the 2009 recycling bin. Dump all that gah and yuck into it today so it can turned into sparkles for 2010.”
- Mr. Pants said: “I think 2009 had one of those electric-eye doors that stutter.”
- Jeff said: “2009 has sucked for a lot of people I know. It will not be remembered fondly.”
- And Jen said: “smack a doodle and goodbye 2009!”
And they all cheered me up immensely. Three cheers for Twitter. I love you guys.
The good part of snow.
Making tipsy snow angels all over your neighbors’ lawns.
Mmmm. Snow angels.
Doing New Year’s my way. Again!
Selma and the gentleman friend and I hide at home and avoid the world. Also, there are foods.
It’s good.
My gentleman friend: the most bad-ass chef that I know.
Oh yes.
And … playing live at the meme beach house!
Yes, that’s a Stuism too.
My brother and I have this thing where we come up with ridiculous band names and then say in this really pretentious, knowing tone, “Oh, well, you know, it’s just one guy.”
This week it’s all about …
The Tipsy Snow Angels
I know. I know. It’s just one guy.
And … STUISMS of the week.
Stu is my paranoid McCarthy-ist voice-to-text software who delights in torturing me misunderstanding me. I can’t stand him.
Some of his bits of freudian slippage and general ridiculousness:
- “and or mandatory hero” instead of and I re-quote our Victoria here
- “You must of course December 31 burns out to be really crappy game which is just a Martian day” instead of unless, of course, Dec 31st turns out to be a really crappy day, in which case I will just drink more champagne
- “I know teaching of Germany is usually a likely return to General Jacoby” instead of my annual teaching trip to Germany is usually a lovely contributor to general financial well-being
- “blowing the Army cities is your preacher drink” instead of lowering the bar makes it easier to reach your drink
- “an anonymous disaster” instead of an enormous disaster
- “create and find collaborative pensioners” instead of creative and fun collaborative adventures
One more thing! I know it’s not Wednesday but …
A couple of the “year-in-review” type of posts that I enjoyed reading this week.
- From Mr. Pants (aka Sparky Firepants: the pants come off!
- From Alexia: The Obligatory End of the Year Post
- And from Deborah: Day 3 of Twelve Days of Observation as part of her 12-Days Observation
On Twitter, they are, respectively: @sparkyfirepants, @AlexiaPetrakos and @DeborahWeber.
That’s it for me …
And yes yes yes, of course you can join in my Friday ritual right here in the comments bit if you feel like it.
Yeah? Anything hard and/or good happen in your week?
And, as always, have a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious weekend. And a happy week to come.
Follow
I’m sorry you had a day of horribleness, and glad that was *last* year.
Chicken! Two in two days, what luxury.
The hard:
– An unexpected bout of depression. Just a little one, but enough to scare me. It sucker-punched me. It was a combination of things happening at once – exhaustion from being very stressed and very busy over the last month, sudden time to think and notice, hormones, and being on the farm with my family, which for some reason I still don’t expect to be hard, but it always is, even when it’s easy.
– Family stuff. Always raises my blood pressure, even when things are going pretty smoothly, even when we’re getting on and being affectionate. It’s like I’m allergic to them. Like there’s an invisible magnet tugging on the fundamental particles of my being and disarranging them.
– New year’s eve. Never my favourite thing. But this year it also had the dubious honour of being what would have been my ten year anniversary with my ex – who’s now married and expecting. And even though we’re both genuinely better off as we are, it’s still hard. It’s still like looking at a life some parallel version of me might be off living in some parallel universe.
The good:
– Time off. Like, a week of it. Amazing. Lots of divination and checking in and taking stock and not working.
– A nice, quiet Christmas. With my family. Unheard of. There were even presents, and I even liked them.
– Lots and lots and lots of Poirot and Miss Marple. I find them hugely comforting. Like jigsaw puzzles. The world is being put to rights and made comprehensible right before your eyes. Plus, it’s a huge nostalgia kick, and one of the very few kinds of tv that both I and my parents will watch happily, so it’s nice, cost, straightforward together time.
– Rediscovering a cousin I haven’t seen in about 25 years, who turns out to be a deeply cool human being.
Havi and Selma,
Thank you for a wonderful year! I only found you around June 2009, wish it had been sooner.
I look forward to more awesomeness and playfulness and learning in 2010.
Warm wishes for a happy, healthy and prosperous New Year to everyone here!
Stacy
Wow, wish I’d found you LAST New Year’s Eve instead of this one. My hards of 2009 are too many to list here but things have changed immensely in the last month and my goods are on their way to becoming Greats!
Thank you for your work and for reminding me that my own goofy voice is worth putting out there, somewhere.
xxoo in excelsis to you and yer little duck too!
It’s so weird–the sleep thing was very hard for me this week too. Lots of tossing and turning.
(It’s so funny that whenever I don’t sleep well, I go in to work and find out that no one else has slept well either. Phases of the moon, no doubt.)
The hard:
Missing out on what turned out to be an awesome last-minute NYE party because I wasn’t on the internet during the 5 minutes it was announced. Seriously I am on the internet all the friggin’ time and why wasn’t I on during those particular minutes???
(And to be honest I could have gone even after I found out, but it was pouring rain outside and inertia won. Also I was supposed to wear a costume and I couldn’t think of one. And I should have gone anyway, wet and costumeless, because it would have been better than sitting at home watching Flight of the Conchords, although that was fun too.)
The good:
Having no one in the office meant I had a full day to plan a whole bunch of performance-developmenty stuff. It is so cool how you can think of “people I’d like to meet” (like Edward Tufte, or David Allen and the GTD Crew) and then go online and find out There Are Actual Ways To Meet Them.
And then you can think “gosh, I want to learn more about X, but I don’t want to take a university course because that’s all the assignments and the homework and the Making My Learning About Someone Else’s Standards–wouldn’t it be great if there were, like, a book club or something about these X Books where we could just read them and talk without having to write some ten-page paper on Compare and Contrast?”
And then thinking “well, I guess I’ll have to start one then…” and then going online and finding out there already is one and I can join!
.-= Blue´s last post … New Year’s Eve Post: 2009, 2010, and Love =-.
The hard
– seeing that I am literally sitting in the same place I was last year
– worry and stress because of the above
– not wanting to do a Chicken or The Great 2009 Chicken and knowing why I don’t want to – fear of seeing that I am also figuratively still sitting in the same place
The good
– sort of doing a private Great 2009 Chicken and seeing the growth of an idea in itybytes
– finally wanting what I need and allowing myself to fulfill the need
– Havi, Selma and her wonderful Pirate Crew
– all the wonderful people I’ve found because of Havi, Selma and her wonderful Pirate Crew
Yayah – Hello Twenty Ten
I’m sorry I missed you at the bar, many hugs and support for the hard. Yay for a great live-in chef 😉
This week:
The hard:
Nightly depression/anxiety attacks. Not as major as I have had them in the past, but lots of internal talking-down going on. Remembered the emergency fairy dust technique, and that helped too.
Not getting to Donkey for a re-set/check in. Feeling like I have to have all the systems for 2010 in place rightnow, and only having two categories for the year (health and career, um, still?).
Needless beating up of self over this new series that I’m having so much fun with. Fear of putting it out there on some social network (Facebook, I’m talking to you) because my “mentor” will tell me it’s not my “real work.”
The good:
The wonderful horoscope from Free Will Astrology that talked exactly about painting sock monkeys playing poker when your gallery wants you to keep painting what sells. The most excellent serendipitous timing ever.
My feature in the Athens News Annual Manual came out so nice, I am actually proud to show it around (the VPA for ease in the photography session helped for sure!!!!!)
Realizing that I can tweak systems as I go, and I do have a basic framework of finishing this series enough to query it at galleries. Everything else will come along as it needs to.
Having two big shows already on the plate for this month, and being invited to exhibit at the library for next month (thank you article!)
New slacks that I feel gorgeous in. An amazing feat since I’ve been beating myself up for gaining 20 pounds since Marty lost his job. I feel like a real person again.
I think I’m going to try some of those Tipsy Snow Angels this weekend! 🙂
.-= Andi´s last post … Full Moon Dreamboard/Word of the Year =-.
Just going to take a moment first to weigh in and say, thank goodness we still have the Friday chicken. Kind of puts things in perspective, coming a day after the 09 checking. And yet, the hard of the week seems already gone. I can’t even remember it.
Anyway.
The hard. ??? Drawing a blank now. Minor work irritation, but who doesn’t have that in an office?
The good.
-Went XC skiing yesterday. It’s a great way to be out in the very cold and snow. (Also, I can match up your tipsy snow angels with two tipsy snowmen in our yard. Though they’re tipsy in the sense of being about to tip over. One of them also has orange peels from the compost bin for eyes. He looks like an alien. Martian day?)
-Bonus. Surprise extra money. Nice. Nice. Yay.
-I finished (except for the buttons) my Learn-to-Knit project from Tara (@blondechicken). Yay! Have my eyes set on more things to knit! (Am excited!!!)
-!
-Last night went to watch my guy play guitar and ring in 2010. Show was great. I defended my space against stupid, drunken shoving guy by morphing into my mom-self. My bad-ass mom-ness was appreciated by all who were tired of being shoved and touched by this strange man. Enjoyed hilarious flirty conversation with boy much too young to even think of dating even if I wasn’t married, all under amused eye of husband. When he found out my age, he said, “Wow, you must have like, fallen into a vat of antioxidants or something.” (??!! Attention men: This is NOT a good pickup line.)
-Weird new-year-combined-with-blue-moon tarot reading yielded the unexpected. Not sure what to think, but it was empowering.
Happy 2010, chickeneers!
.-= Emily´s last post … Engage! =-.
Havi, I’m so sorry for all the hard you’ve had this week! *hugs* for everyone who’s had painful experiences, and celebrating the good with you all.
If Stu ever manages to “create and find collaborative pensioners” we should talk about patenting his discovery! You could retire at 33! 🙂
Hard this week:
Painful and complex situation following a friend’s death. Losses for the family, and for everyone involved.
Good this week:
Epiphanies. I realize just how much I trust life and its unfolding. And don’t take either loss or gain personally.
Love, kindness and generosity flowing in abundance, some of it from completely unexpected sources.
Days off! Massages. Books. Singing. Poetry. Lovely ways to begin the new year… 🙂
Wishing you, dearest Havi, and everyone here, all that your heart truly wants in 2010. May miracles abound.
Love, Hiro
.-= Hiro Boga´s last post … Naming the Stars in the Sky =-.
“You must of course December 31 burns out to be really crappy game which is just a Martian day…”
That is too funny! December 31…it burns!
The hard this week:
– Feeling off and depressed and so tired.
– And discovering yet another reason I’ll have to go back to the doctor, even though last time I was there I really thought I wouldn’t have to go back for a long while.
– All the doctor visits triggering money fears and oh-my-god-I’ll-never-be-productive fears.
The good this week:
– My first guest post ever was published and was received warmly, and put me in touch with some really cool people.
– I had fun hanging out on Twitter this week. (Can you tell I’m struggling to find more good to write about?)
– Even in my tired-and-down state, still catching glimpses of good things to come in 2010.
Yay for the end of 2009! Welcome, 2010 – hope you’re not going to be an acetyl!
.-= Victoria Brouhard´s last post … Quitting the Man: 63 Days Since Freedom =-.
Strange week indeed.
Hard:
* Having to work while gentleman friend has the week off.
* Didn’t feel like posting a year-end review on my blog. Ick. (But I did it anyway.)
* Going to doctor’s office and being ignored by waiting-room staff while other patients were promptly seen.
Good:
* Hiking! And running and weight lifting! A very good week for exercise.
* Gas fireplace logs for Christmas. There will be much snuggling in front of the fire this winter.
.-= Barbara J Carter´s last post … Goodbye 2009 (blowing a raspberry or two) =-.
In general, this week has been pretty good to me.
Hard:
-a situation with the charity I volunteer for, that highlighted some real communication and personality clash issues. I probably should’ve confronted these earlier too, and I’m not overwhelmed with joy at the thought of having to sort these out. Office politics!
-my brother has had his student loan all messed up, and there’s not a whole lot I can do to help.
Good:
-spending NYE with my two oldest friends, catching up after their recent trip to South East Asia.
-taking plenty of time to chill out and relax
-being able to pet my cat as I’m writing this as he’s curled up in an ever so strokable ball on my bed
-discovering the sookie stackhouse series and being able to luxuriate in reading them all day if I want too.
-realising that I’m happy with my self
.-= Jane´s last post … Before 30 – Update =-.
For sleep, try warm sesame oil on your feet. Ayurvedic remedy that works. Or really, who are we kidding, just slather it all over your body! I do, works great!
The Hard:
-Angry with puppy dog. Misbehaving. And costing me $$.
-disoriented from travelling and visiting my family
-totally disassociated with my body and hating the weight I’ve gained since October
-no focus or organizational skills whatsoever
-stupid technology trying to do it myself stuff with shopping carts not working, etc. Seriously cannot wait until I can pay someone to do it.
-sending a friend off to Whales this afternoon (for like 3 years)
The Good:
-Home with my puppy dog
-Rested and goofed off
-Havi bet on my practice (!)
-Yummy scallops in NH
-My mom (who can be a shoe thrower) got excited and proud about my thing!
-Hung out with good friends last night and it turned into a silly dance party. Wheeeee!
.-= Rebecca´s last post … My Right-, Left- Brain Dilemma: A Decade =-.
Seriously, I was worried that no one would want to chicken with me today after ALL THAT CHICKENING yesterday. Thank goodness for rituals. I am so happy to just have a normal Friday after this crazy week.
Enjoying reading about everyone’s ups and downs and new year’s experiences.
@Emily – “Wow, you must have like, fallen into a vat of antioxidants or something.” AWESOME.
Internet hugs all around! Chicken!
Havi and Selma,
Big hugs for the hard yuck of the week! I’ve got lots to say, chicken-wise, but I’ve been writing lots lately, so don’t really have it in me right now to pull it all together. So … I’ll do an abbreviated version … the hard … finished two darn hard books on very icky science-y topics. But, they’re finished. So, that is some good and hard all rolled into one … much rejoicing that deadlines were met ….
More hard … LOTS of worrying and fretting about random stuff. Drying skin. Sore throat and gooey cold. And, outside, very icy and cold. Feeling scared to be me out loud. Actually doing the work!
The good … delightful creative time with my hubby making a naked snowman (no that isn’t a metaphor, we really did make a snowman!!) … my sweet husband. Lily the bunny. Our humidifier. Claritin D and Ibuprofin … feeling very blessed with family and friends. Lovely progress on binderizing. Wonderful metaphors and ideas about winter. Having work!
And, this is totally random, but your mention of food reminded me of my intense craving for prime rib … which isn’t as random as I thought I’m realizing because it reminded me of Julie and Julia, which I’m delighted with, mostly because she talks about food and winds it up with sensuality and sex even though she’s a total curmudgeon. I’m enjoying seeing that even though she’s mostly a mess, she’s creating something cool. My book club (possibly the only book club in the world with a safe word — LOL!) is reading this … and I’ll actually have finished it. Woo hoo! Another good 🙂
Looking forward to a nourishing New Year full of delights! Thank you for being you — I hope your week eases and brightens … like when a winter’s day seems at its most dismal and grey, and then the sun comes out against a blue sky and the snowy landscape sparkles just like you painted it? I wish that for you.
.-= Sarah Tieck´s last post … Photo Inspiration #6: Birds! =-.
I guess I wan’t done! I forgot some other goods … lovely dinner with my dear friend on New Year’s Eve … and the gift of Aardvark Essential’s Losing It potion — MMmmmmmmm … Etsy as a gift resource … Avatar …
Okay, I think I’m done-ish now.
.-= Sarah Tieck´s last post … Photo Inspiration #6: Birds! =-.
Havi, I’m so sorry I wasn’t at the bar during your really bad day. But 2009 is gone! We made it! I hope you had one great drink last night while you slammed the door on 2009’s ass.
The bad:
Realizing I’m still about where I was last year on both the books (as in writing books) and my business.
Trying to figure out new family dynamics and setting new boundaries after Several Piles of Shit Hitting the Fan 1 1/2 years ago in the Biological Family Unit.
Still not making money.
The Good:
Christmas went very well with my family and we had a lot of fun. Got to see some people I hadn’t seen for years that I grew up with. Mom has decided to live and let live with my religious decisions. Nice to know that I don’t have to gear up for some kind of intervention every year. She’s chilling out in her old age.
Knowing that writing is my thing, and that I don’t need to get a “real job.” I just need to do the thing I want to do and trust at some point I’ll be able monetize.
Dreaming about the New Year and where both I and my business can go. Realizing that hell yes I can finish my book proposal and finish the novel I started in November.
Found a Toastmasters group to do more public speaking and learn what I am doing when I do the public speaking thing.
Heard a wonderful pianist play Beethoven and Chopin at the cultural center then spent the rest of the afternoon wandering thru The Art Institute. I saw the Victorian photcollages before they leave Sunday. I also saw Caraveggio’s The Supper at Emmaus and several Caraveggio-like works.
And I discovered this incredible picture of Judith from the Bible here. Jan Sanders van Hemessen captured her in all of her warrior glory in a nude. The Art Institute describes it like this:
This Judith is strong, sensual, a warrior, and a goddess all wrapped into one. Took a photo, and I think it’s going on my dreamboard to remind me of what I am and continue to become.
I better end this Chicken before it becomes longer than my year-end Chicken! Happy New Year everyone!
.-= Shawna R. B. Atteberry´s last post … Life Insights from 2009 I’m taking into 2010 =-.
Oh dear Havi, I saw your freaking-out Tweet, but was too busy freaking out myself to be one of the supportive SweetTweets. But they helped me too — I found and followed the links to bunnies and such, and… it made me smile. I felt vicariously supported. So that was good! *sniffles of appreciation for everyone*
On with the CluckCluckCluckittyCluck!
The Hard:
— ulcers in my mouth. owness.
— small dog being a SERIOUS brat. loudness.
— the humongous mess that is the Homey Hovel.
— missing due dates on 2 bills by less than 1(expensive)hour.
— spouse in heavy duty workaholic mode, and a supposed 4 day weekend that turns out to be 1 day off.
— Still stuck with finishing my e-course.
The Good:
— I found my way back to Twitter… yay!
— Starting a “Gentle Voices” user group on my Twitter Client.
— Learning to use my beautiful new netbook.
— Having an excuse to revive a rarely used talent: snarkily poking at hypocritical personal development gurus.
— Knowing that I want to limit aforementioned snarkiness to small doses.
— Getting some good ideas about how to use my still-arriving Helper Mice 🙂
— Starting to play with the Shiva Nata stuffs I got for Christmas. Yay!
The Hopeful:
This is my own addition to the chicken….. eggs!
— Although I was too late to find a place at the Kitchen Table (and really couldn’t afford it anyway)I am now CERTAIN that I need something like it. And determined to make a something-like-it happen. Yay for (flexible) determination!
— The inside of my brain is being bombarded with vague and disconnected organizational ideas. I’m not sure yet how to connect them all, but I really like them and trust that they will hatch into a really nifty system over the next week!
I think I’ll have my eggs over-easy. With a big stress on “easy”.
.-= Tori Deaux´s last post … How To Trash Your PR At The Touch Of A Button: Of Holosync, Bill Harris, and Silencing Critics =-.
A Martian day. Well, I DID feel like I was on Mars yesterday, thanks Stu!
Wish you a warm, comfy, fluffy day Havi (hopefully this weekend?). Sounds like you could use a little detox and a lot of love and comfort.
<3 to you and all of Hoppy House!
I agree, Havi. 2009 can happily go away. New start for us all!
The Hard:
-Realizing I truly hate my house and probably need to move for my sanity, and to have working plumbing. (Long, totally frustrating story here that involves leaking sinks and bungee cords and much swearing)
-Realizing that breaking your lease due to aforementioned terrible plumbing is not really thoughtful, and I probably need to wait until June.
The Good:
Amazing, wonderful, surprising amounts of good this week.
-Cottage Copy gained it’s first major client. Nothing like knowing that working your butt off really pays off.
-All the other wonderful clients that I’ve also found. Right People all over the place!
-Having a friend volunteer to help me find my perfect house, knowing that I am working 80 hours a week and tearing my hair out.
-Having aforementioned wonderful friend schedule a girl’s day at the antique mall for my sanity.
-Having great client meetings to look forward to this week. Sort of feeling like I can breathe a bit more.
.-= Holly´s last post … Permission List For the New Year =-.
@havi and Selma,
Thank you so much for being here in this awesome space you have created and share with us!
I feel for you in your hard week. I had similar experiences this past week.
-Night sweats…bad dreams – Just ECK!
-Crying…and more crying – anxiety about being home with broken foot, my move coming up very soon (is to a cool place – just can’t get in touch with any excitement yet)
-A life-long friend’s cousin killed himself the day after christmas. Even tho I didn’t know him I totally felt for my friend and her family. Brought up stuff of my own.
-Am totally great with LOTS of alone time and being with myself but having been feeling very lonely lately
The good stuff!
+My fantastico dog, Starr and her bullet-dog self running around our yard in the snow.
+It is a NEW YEAR – Yay!!!!!
+A very dear friend that I get to talk to almost every day – got to see her AND her husband (hadn’t seen him in months)
+My knitting – a great coping activity for me
+Another dear friend calling to talk – hadn’t talked to her in too long
+A very kind co-worker coming to visit with a surprise gift
+Another new friend offering to help me pack, organize and even move when the day comes – very soon
+The snow…Havi, I get it when it triggers stuff – I SO GET IT but then I like it almost just the same. Almost.
+The Swell Season and their awesome new album Strict Joy that I CANNOT stop listening to (they are the couple that starred in the awesome movie, Once) They have stayed together to create even MORE fantastic music.
+My days off, thanks to my foot, to write and work on my business/new blog – even tho that means my stuff is up A LOT, also
So…yes. Yay…a NEW YEAR!!!
Love to everyone here – wishing you all that you want and need in this new year of ours! Thank you all for being here.
Maya
.-= Maya Zaido @animalswisdom´s last post … To Endings and New Beginnings. To Connection and Communication. =-.
‘allo Havi, Selma, all my fellow Chickeneers, and Beloved Lurkers! Happy 2010 and good riddance to 2009.
This might be the best Stu quote ever:
You must of course December 31 burns out to be really crappy game which is just a Martian day
Because, for me, 12/31 every year sucks ass. And people turn alien in the strange game of “you must be social tonight.” And by that day every year, I’m so burned out that all I want to do is hide.
Chicken!
The hard:
– more bills from hospitals and doctors and collection agencies – trying hard to not freak out in the face of financial ruin
– dealing with my holiday stucknesses
– irritated with people/things that interrupt a morning ritual I’m trying to establish – not yet mastering the art of the ask
– starting a new project that is terribly undermanaged and has no specs
– having to call the DMV, the EDD, and several other bureaucratic places.
The good
+ defining boundaries! I told Dave that I would definitely not be leaving the house, but that he could do whatever he wanted. He went to parties, while I enjoyed DVDs, tater tots, two cats, and my own company. It was lovely.
+ working! I do so enjoy it when the money is coming the right direction and we get a quick launch, so I might be able to make February rent.
+ continuing a daily morning practice of meditation and shiva nata, which seems to send me into the day with more energy and focus
+ 2009 is over. Possible the second-hardest year I can remember. Ready to “be the change I want to see”
Oh Havi.. I wish you a better year than the last.
Listening to some of my party guests last night, it seemed to be a tough one for many. Peace to all.
My chicken…
the hard:
*Saying goodbye to my mom who visits every holiday. Wish she lived closer.
*One lone shoe thrown at me in respone to “The Request” made on twitter… only one, but, damn how that almost threatened to undo everything (but failed..)
the good:
* The overwhelming response of generosity and support to The Request.. of which you were a participant. (Thank you again, so much, for the double-chai!!)
*Learning how to ask for help for something I didn’t really *need* (good and hard)
*Time spent with my family, whom I adore
*An awesome new logo in the works from Amy Crook (@amysnotdeadyet)
*A shiatsu revolution in the works for ’10, which will hopefully include new friends, @Zensandwhich and @Shiatsu4Life
And an overheard conversation last night between husband and 14 year old son, in which son mentions hiphop artist, Nosaj Thing, to which my hubs (totally unknowing about the Friday Chicken) replies:
“You know he’s just one guy, right?”
.-= Gina´s last post … hitchhiking to oneness =-.
The hard:
Nothing.
The good:
Realizing that I can move through life with ease and that things aren’t hard for me no matter what life brings.
Dog park this morning with my friend and her puppy and my 14 year old dog. And lots of cute fuzzy puppies. Puppies in the snow.
Buying a pedometer and challenging myself to make the numbers go up and up an up.
Making my meditation space cozy and warm with blankets so that I will actually sit there instead of passing by it and thinking “I can’t sit there, I’ll freeze!” Then sitting for 13 whole minutes, with a hat and a blanket wrapped around me and not being cold. And not getting up even when it got uncomfortable.
Sitting in the afternoon light drinking wine and eating cheese and crackers.
Giant Post-it notes on which I planned my year for my business!
Charts and graphs that plan my business and make me feel good when I look at them.
Finding a very cool connection from following one of the links to someone’s blog from the comments here.
The hard:
– Family stuff at my parents’ place after Christmas
– Worrying about my brother whose life is so chaotic even though that is his problem and not mine
– Increasing panic attacks about the fact that I don’t know at all what I want to do jobwise
– Being mostly clueless how to turn panic into action and not into lethargy
The good:
– Meeting an old friend for a looooong and lovely chat
– Walk on a very stormy beach with my Dad
– New Years Eve at home, alone, no urge to go anywhere, loved being myself
– Fantastic yoga class on the 31st
– Wonderful walk through the snow with husband
Much to love for everyone for the hard. And much cheering and waving of flags for the good…
OK. Chicken!
The hard….
– wearing the accounting hat that SO DOESN’T GO WITH MY OUTFIT pretty much all week this week. Ugh!
– freaky bank account moment while wearing the accounting hat that set off a crazy head trip and made me much less effective at fixing the problem
– Bad technology karma with a new printer that required several trips back to the office supply store where I bought it and a completely unproductive phone call to the company’s technical support department only to be told that they’d send me a replacement if they could put a hold on my credit card till I sent back the broken one. NOT!! Resolution of which required yet ANOTHER trip to ANOTHER office supply store to exchange the dead printer and let the office supply store deal with the RMA.
– Writing blog posts. Thinking they are bad. Knowing they are bad. One of which made me cry unconsolably for the rest of the day.
– Getting, in my gut and in my heart, that I’m STILL not over the death of my old cat, even though he died in 2004 and even though I have lovely new cat whom I adore madly. What’s up with that?
– Wanting to hang out with friends but couldn’t make that happen. Everyone I tried to hook up with was either still out of town or busy. Then, not wanting to go out on New Year’s Eve and today, even though I had several invitations to choose from.
– Husband being wishy-washy about whether or not he wanted to go up to the house. We’d plan to go, I’d get all psyched and ready and into the “go” head space, and he would decide he didn’t want to go. Rinse and repeat …. for the whole entire week. Driving me womBATS!
– Major doubts and second-guessing myself about commitments I’ve already made and large sums of money I’ve already spent around fulfilling those commitments. Thinking that I might’ve acted out of desperation, haste or insanity…
The good….
– Wearing my accounting hat now means I have a chance of getting my ducks (Hi Selma!) in a row before I meet with my accountant to do taxes. I got a lot done, including the dreaded bank reconciliations and expense records. Possibly avoiding the tax time frantic-ness.
– Listening to the Dead Milkmen whilst doing my accounting. “Life Is Shit” came around in the shuffle at EXACTLY the right moment, making me laugh out loud!
– Completing the 3 blog posts I told myself I’d do this week and publishing them. Even though they’re bad (see the hard list above), doing what I said I’d do and successfully keeping my promise to myself feels good.
– Feeling as though the practice of doing blog posts (even bad ones) helps me practice doing my THING and brings me another step closer to doing my THING, even though the THING changes on a daily basis.
The hard: I’m soaking in it! Right now! I’m at a family party, and a squabble with my sweetie over a mistake I made has triggered a vein of My Stuff, so that even though it’s all settled down now I am sitting in a corner feeling unglued. Oh, yeah, I’m sure I’m also riding the hormonal roller coaster right about now, but knowing it doesn’t seem to help.
The good: Most of the rest of the week, really. Let me try to remember.
–I’ve been reading and re-reading my shiny new copy of the Procrastination Dissolve-o-Matic. Such good stuff!
–I was brave and filed an insurance claim about the deer who skidded into my car last week. It looks like the damage to my vehicle will be completely covered. I’m still sad for the dear, but happy for my courage.
–At this very party, I played piano and sang a blisteringly cathartic performance of “‘Tain’t Nobody’s Business If I Do.” I felt fierce and beautiful.
And there’s still plenty of time to have a glorious weekend! Thanks for the Chicken!
This is my first comment here, although I’ve been lurking for weeks.
The good:
-going on an expected trip to the Anderson Valley to visit in-laws that totally get/love me.
-chatting my MIL’s ear off about how much she needs to find her right people for her business and she maybe now understands the concept of right people.
-meeting some amazing WOOFers (worldwide opportunites in organic farming) volunteers at the ranch and many funny conversations.
-2 hour yoga class this morning to celebrate the new year.
The hard:
-old friends making snarky comments about how new activities in my life taking all my time.
-worrying about my mom
-not wanting vacation to be over – so much better at good self-care when not working.
.-= Tami´s last post … Resolution #best09 =-.
Hmm…
the hard: All the where was I 10 years ago stuff on twitter reminding me of the worst new year’s eve I’ve ever had. Not that I’m a fan of new year’s to begin with. Ugh. And that triggered thinking about an even worse Thanksgiving from several years back.
the good: ringing in the new year with cupcakes! I know you’re not into sugar, but cupcakes! Regular and petit four sized! So tasty.
Remembering a new year’s day from 11 years ago when I went to 3 movies in one day with my dearest bud and another friend.
Made some progress with my Thing. Also worked out some which feels great to be getting back to after a cold-induced hiatus.
The Hard
– 2009 needed to give my friends one last kick in the balls, and they put their cat down on Weds. Really sad, though it was the end of a long battle with liver disease.
– A little behind on my work, though not much. Just one thing waiting around, but I still hate that feeling of being not-quite-caught-up.
– Pod got into something stinky and I still can’t figure out what. I got it off most everything he smeared it onto (including him), but it’s still lingering a little. Stinkerbelle!
The Good
+ I found a Theme for 2010: Better
+ Feeling very abundant this week, and I got a big thing I wasn’t sure would be done, done. Plus, being paid is good!
+ My kittehs are being very cute and cuddly this week. It seems directly proportional to how cold it gets, haha.
+ NYE was wonderful, slackery and full of a wide variety of booze and a small variety of friends, bad movies and really no hangover to speak of. Lovely.
.-= Amy Crook´s last post … Happy Christmas Commission =-.
What is it about the holidays that really make the hard Hard? Sending love out to everyone here for all the hard!
This week was not a particularly happy week. Our Christmas Day plans went awry when we agreed to see Sherlock Holmes because our dear friend wanted to. (I’m a delicate flower and I love the books. ‘Nuff said.) Then we had one awesome day, and then, on my birthday, the lovely wife twisted her knee, which led to us not leaving the house, the dear friend being grouchy about picking up my cake (I drew the line at picking up my own cake), and my having to do housework because the get-together got moved to our house. Work went pear-shaped several times. I’ve been so slow as to be catatonic on projects I want to do. But the worst of it, the absolute worst, is that I am clearly having Deep Unrest from Old Gunk That Is Finally Coming to Light. Remembering nightmares in which someone is burning my face with acid and I am screaming bloody murder? NOT FUN.
But not everything was awful. I moved my altar to a new and fabulous location. I got myself new Moleskines (abundance!). I had a lovely dinner with work peeps. My lovely wife adores me even when I’m a big emotional cranky pants. I found my theme word of the year. And despite not really wanting to deal with the Old Gunk, knowing that my unrest is that and nothing else.
It was a cranky week, for sure. Thank goodness for a new one!
.-= Julie´s last post … And the MLA Commences =-.
Thanks so much for the mention, Havi 🙂 I was wondering where that traffic spike came from.
Glad the bunnies (among the other wonderful twitter-cheer-ups) helped!
Hope this coming week untangles all the administrative snafus & everything comes face-up on the other side.
.-= Alexia´s last post … Starred Items: Lemming-ish Year End Roundup =-.
The Hard:
–Visiting Mom and seeing how lonely she is and how she really is 82 and time marches on . . . being sad about wondering if this visit is the last one I’ll have
–Holiday crap bringing up lots of hard emotions which led me to choose emotional eating
–Hurt feelings from best childhood friend inexplicably not wanting to see me when I visited my hometown. Trying not to take it personally, and failing on that account
–Holiday travel on Screaming Toddler Express Airlines
The Good:
–Seeing other old childhood friends while in hometown and having a good visit with them
–Coming home to my beautiful city by the bay
–Holidays are OVER
–Exciting prospects on the horizon for 2010 both on the artistic and on the personal growth levels
Hugs to all for the hard; high fives for the good
Here’s to a glorrrrrious 2010 for one and all
Ohhhh we really needed this space! Wobble, wobble. Sorry this is soooo long and hugs to all of us in our hard.
The week of Guilt and Big Time Neediness
The Hard
I learned that a friend with whom I had finally informed I could no longer give weekly support to, had been sectioned weeks ago and had been diagnosed with schizophrenia. When I finally located her she spoke about me putting her in there and deciding her future. And even though I recognised this was part of her ‘condition’ – I also recognised that she felt abandoned by me, by her parents/the world and that this was how she was expressing her hurt, whether or not she recorded things factually. It was distressing to hear the extent to which she was in pain. Naturally I also felt My Stuff. Lots of guilt. Guilt that I even considered My Stuff. After a childhood around unhappiness or ‘mental illness’ I thought that maybe it was ok that I wanted to be selfish, that I may not yet be strong enough to be around my friend until she is through the woods. I am alert to the fact that I am, in some ways, abandoning her again in her hour of need. I am trying to make peace with the guilt and sense of responsibilty and rage that I feel. A quite rage that her family do not support her and never have. Guilt and wobbling followed.
Another friend now out of hospital with brain op. I wobbled to see how terrified she had been when she was in there suffering and I was shocked and disturbed by how little she asked of her partner in her time of great need. I wanted to run away because it looked like she just had me and I am not an especially close friend. I ran away a little. I guilted, wobbled and eventually made contact with her again. She is feeling much better now. So a relief. But I still, even weeks later feel a bit out of sorts and sad. Memories of my Dad, of being someone who gave huge support as a young woman, of being an adutl and doing the same with my ex and of not wanting to be around people who don’t know how to create sturdy enough support in their life, even though this too is a lesson that I am learning.
I reached out to friends – just to hear them say yes you have a right to wobble and not rationalise away my feelings and experience of my friend. I heard nothing back from them. Sweet nothing. And my love was not present because he had his own big hurts to deal with and I did not feel I could impose. So since this was the week of hard I managed to go from feeling wobbly to feeling alone, despairing, abandoned, sad and disappointed that friend’s were so silent in their support! It took 4 days to pass before I used NVC to get specific and ask for what I needed via text to a friend! Still feel a bit sad and vulnerable.
Hard to see that I am so demanding and needy of support some times.
Feeling stuck and uninspired about my current writng on FB, lack of income and failure to venture any further with my creative biz. Demanding Me emerges and gets pissy.
The Good
My love, my partner. After a difficult weepy new years eve we recovered on new years day. Lots of tenderness and acts of kindness. He was wonderful and today after a sleepless night and much grumpiness on my part he made me breakfast and freshly brewed coffee. I’ve lived alone, been alone for 5-6 years, therefore I am soooo grateful and blissed out that I have this new love in my life and that he wants to look after/support me like this.
Gratitude too that he can somehow ‘manage’ the extent to which I ask for tlc. Ohh so much gratitude that he does not shame me for my requests.
This space as always.
A roof over my head, lovely food to eat, lovely Christmas gifts.
Seeing my Love’s parental home and the chaos of it. Made me smile and scatch my chin. Seeing how happy he was that I was there with him.
Hey Chickeneers.
Big hugs for all that hard stuff everyone, i feel for you.
Hurrah for the good, the resolution, the moments of peace, kindness, love and silliness that have come to be alongside all the bleurgh.
Friday chicken on a saturday:
the hard this week.
I’ve had a cold all week. Poor wife had it amidst all the xmas stuff last week and i got it for the her-and-me quiet, post-xmas stuff. i have concrete snot still but it is going away.
We’re both already getting that horrible ooooh going back to work feeling and i really, really want to trump that this year and make it stop. Autonomy, self-efficacy, where are you?
The good.
we had a lot of hanging out with each other time this week even though i was feeling pretty crappy for most of it. we watched a lot of cricket.
Star Trek Generations on blu-ray! oh my!
new year’s day with friends Kristan and Pete and their daughter – our Goddaughter – Libby. Fantastic day, great food and Libby was brilliant, she is a genius and a comic.
peaceful new year to you all xx
Two chickens in one week!?!?!? Awesomeness!!!
This week’s hard:
– More house troubles caused by the formers owner’s incompetence. Minor, and totally work-around-able, but still irritating.
– Working diligently to close out my 2009 paperwork so as to avoid a repeat of the Great Income Tax Eve Disaster of 2009 (and 2008, and 2007, and so on), and realizing that the few missing papers I need to finish are somewhere in Massive Filing Mountain. I have no energy to climb Massive Filing Mountain this week.
– The $250 I was planning on spending on two new tires turned into $625 on new tires, new brakes, and a few miscellaneous other things. Ugh.
This week’s good:
– My sweet, sweet husband made dinner for me on my birthday, and he gave me the most wonderful Christmas and birthday gifts: a fancy new camera and a Kindle. I’m immersed in new technology this week.
– It’s birthday week! I love birthday week…
– The Buckeyes won the Rose Bowl!
– The turkeys are back! http://www.flickr.com/photos/virtuallori/4235183205/
.-= Lori Paximadis´s last post … Best of 2009: Place =-.
Comfort for the hard and cheers to the good. For everyone.
And Havi, I just feel happy about the sweet karma of you being comforted on the Twitters. Because you do so much to recruit the bright and thoughtful and interesting people, and then we all get to share in that community. So yeah, for you to be cheered there just makes lovely sense.
.-= Briana´s last post … Idea! Connection reflection. And bunnies. =-.
Oh thank goodness! there was a normal chicken too! (I’m not talking about 2009. Srsly.)
OK, ignore the fact I only noticed this post on Sunday, it still counts dammit!
What did this week have, hm.
Hard: totally and completely out of the groove on all my good habits. Yoga, Shiva nata, getting up in the morning, morning tea, e-mail maintenance… they are all strangers to me now. Do I have to start all over?
New year’s eve. Again, not talking about it. But hard anyway (even though I went to bed(!))
The sleeps! Actually, this might be a good thing in disguise or something, but since I got back my body’s like: “hey, let’s sleep some more!” Regardless of how much sleep I’ve had. “More sleeps please.” What is that?
Good: Lazy lazy days at my mum’s place. Aaah.
There’s a new year. That’s cool. I am OK with carefully making some plans and trying some new things and what not. Sure.
I’m doing some drawings for my new book, and I like em. Yup.
Sorry for the very late chicken! Be here earlier next week. XD
@Willie, morning tea sounds like a great idea, hope you get yours back soon. I did get some Moroccan Pomegranate yesterday…. 🙂
.-= Andi´s last post … Full Moon Dreamboard/Word of the Year =-.
The hard:
My dog Finlay died yesterday, after what seemed to be a very sudden illness but turns out to have probably been around for maybe as long as we’ve had him (only 3 months, as he was a rescue & an old chap at that).
The good:
– Finlay was happy with us for his last 3 months, and without us those last 3 months might have been in the shelter (they do a great job there but it’s never going to be as good as a real family). We did good there.
– I only spent a little while beating myself up about whether it was all my fault etc etc (long chat with vet was hard but helped).
– I did a lot of writing earlier this week.
– I talked to a friend at New Year about doing a lot of writing and about my plans to put time into my writing (this was a really scary thing to admit, but R was really supportive about it).
.-= Juliet´s last post … Repair, reuse… =-.