Because it’s Friday AGAIN. And because traditions are important. In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
Wow. What an overwhelming week in every possible way. Overwhelmingly great, overwhelmingly hard.
I’m kind of shaking my head at the whole thing in a mixture of shock, awe, dismay and “maybe I’ll have more to say once I catch up on sleep.”
Since I spent most of this week and most of my energy At The Kitchen Table, most of today’s chicken check-in is centered there.
I guess some other stuff happened too. Let’s see …
The hard stuff
Exhausted.
Didn’t sleep well this week.
Makes everything foggier. Screws with my morning meditation and with yoga.
And then, despite how annoying it is, you kind of forget about it.
I’ve been noticing that I can stay in grumblebug mode for a while until something reminds me to stop and say, “Oh, right. That’s why I’m having all this hard today.”
The Kitchen Table. It is as big a project as I’d been scaring myself with.
During the months and months of planning this huge, huge project, I had to work through mad amounts of stucknesses and general fears about growth.
And one of my biggest fears was really just … holy crap, this is the biggest thing I’ve ever done … what if it’s too big for me?
It really is big.
We have 80 people. I’m actually shutting the doors until the next quarter, maybe longer, because this is as big as I want it for right now.
Eventually I’ll share with you guys my List Of Jackass Mistakes I’ve Made … though at this point I’m kind of leaning towards a “you can’t think of everything” philosophy.
Which is kind of getting on my nerves too.
Oof! You can’t think of everything!
Before I launched this impossibly huge program, I hired people like crazy to help me with it.
And one of the people I hired was Charlie, which was a great idea because he’s very methodical and has the whole army background and serious leadership skills. Plus he’s a philosopher so those other things don’t make me hate him.
Anyway, Charlie is absolutely wonderful and we did all sorts of strategic planning together. What if this happens. What if that happens. What’s our Plan B and Plan C and Plan D for these scenarios.
And so on.
And thank goodness because otherwise the whole thing would have remained a twinkle in my eye.
But of course none of those things we strategized for have happened and a gazillion things we never could have thought of have come up instead.
Yeah, I know we’re going to be able to work through all of them but right now am feeling really bowled over by all the challenges.
Also, I find it quite irritating that one can’t think of everything. Why not?!?!
Don’t answer that.
Success: just as challenging as failure.
So one of the things Charlie and I strategized for was the forum environment.
How it should look, how it should feel, how to create a sense of safety and home. How to make sure it doesn’t become uncomfortable in … again, every way we could think of.
I wrote a really fun guidebook and had three people edit it. Blah blah blah.
But really a lot of our thinking around the forum was centered on “how do we make it active?”
Well, it never occurred to any of us that out of the first 75 people, about 65 of them would be really, really active in the forum areas without any prodding or help from us.
I’ve been involved in online forum thingies for years and have never, ever seen anything like this. And everyone there is saying the same thing.
Last night I was in there at 11 p.m. (yes, way past bedtime), and I just checked in again (it’s 6 a.m. as I’m writing this) and there are 45 unread posts since then.
I’d set up all sorts of structures and created all sorts of plans for things not taking off, but now I need structures for the thing I never expected to happen.
My poor sweet Kitchen Table-ers are overwhelmed, my group leaders are overwhelmed, I’m overwhelmed. We’re working on it, but it’s hard.
And that’s just one of the many “not thinking big enough” mistakes I’ve made.
Let’s move on to the good stuff before I grasp the terrifying enormity of this again and start bawling.
The good stuff
The Kitchen Table.
Every single one of the people who have joined this program is just amazing. Amazing is not an adequate word.
I have never in all my life been privileged to spend time with a group of people like this one. I love them all. Wholeheartedly.
They’re interesting, thoughtful, caring, compassionate, insightful … fun. All of them. I can’t get over it.
I can’t even tell you how many of the applications made me cry because they were so wonderful.
No idea what I’ve done to have so many special people come into my life and into my business, but I’m going to try and keep doing it.
Wow.
CrankyPants McGrumbleBug’s Kvetchtastic Whine Bar!
The smartest thing I did at the Kitchen Table was set up a designated space for people (and me) to bitch and moan loudly and get hugs … without anyone throwing advice at you or anything.
It’s pretty much my favorite place to hang out in the entire world. And now I will stop talking (finally, sorry) about my new baby.
I have an Angel Refueling Station!
Okay, I have to mention the Kitchen Table one more time because that’s where I got this idea, from one of the fabulous participants.
He said, “Even angels need refueling stations!”
And I thought, huh, where’s mine?
So I have this empty closet in my office. And now it’s my angel refueling station. I put a sign on the door to that effect. And there are some pillows. Pillows!
My gentleman friend saw the sign and said “?????????”
To which I said, “You know, an angel refueling station.”
And he said, “Angels? Now you’re bringing angels into the house?”
And I said, “No, silly. It’s for me and Selma!”
And then we had tea. Possibly with some angels.
Ez lives here!
Eventually I’m going to have to stop announcing this each week because I’ll get used to it, but having my brother living with us is just so, so perfect.
I LOVE HIM!
The fun. It is out of control.
A yoga thing. Oh hooray. I love this.
So this is weird because as you know, I kind of hate stuff. And hardly ever buy things.
And I tend to especially dislike yoga-related stuff because, you know, it’s yoga. You don’t need stuff to do yoga.
So the whole yoga-merchandise industry gets on my nerves like nobody’s business.
Meanwhile, I’m flying to Austin this week for a yoga retreat* which means mats. And a bag to carry them in.
My bag … falling apart completely.
And then I found the most perfect, beautiful bag in the entire world and I am madly in love with it. So there!
Arrived this week and I could not be happier about it.
*Just apologizing in advance to anyone there for the fact that I won’t have time to see you because it’s mad yoga the whole time. But I’ll be there for SXSW, okay?
One last thing!
Last day to register for Cairene’s Bite The Candy course!
It’s time management stuff but not the the stressful and annoying kind.
I am a hardcore fan of her work (and overjoyed that she agreed to be a Group Leader in the Kitchen). This class is so reasonably priced it’s actually unreasonable.
That’s it for me …
And yes yes yes, of course you can join in my Friday ritual right here in the comments bit if you feel like it.
Yeah? Anything hard and/or good happen in your week?
And, as always, have a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious weekend. And a happy week to come.
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This is such a great idea that I have started doing this kind of update thing as well on my blog (laugh)…
Its helping through the stuck times… 🙂
Thanks
Pams last blog post..Up Data!!!
The hard stuff:
I’ve got a cold again. I had washed my hands every time coming in, I slept well, I was active, and though, I’ve got a cold again. Using packets of handkerchiefs, having not been able to go to work today.
The good stuff:
I actually had been able to publish three blog posts during this week (I think it is the first time I did that). It shows me I can do it.
Havi, my brave and wonderful friend,
I’m so sorry you haven’t slept–everything becomes blurry and hard without sleep. So my wishes for you are for deep sleep and sweet dreams . . . 🙂
The Kitchen Table. What an incredible creation of your heart and imagination! It reminds me of the old (Russian?) fable of the little old couple who lived in a hut in the forest. One night a stranger came knocking on their door. He was cold and hungry, he said, so they offered him their bed, and the only food they had–a bit of stew. When they woke up the next morning, their visitor had left. And then they discovered, to their astonishment, that the stew pot was full. And it stayed full, no matter how much stew they ladled out.
So be your Kitchen Table!
My hard this week:
Discovered that there’s an overwhelming amount of work to be done to get my house and myself ready for the hip-replacement surgery I’m due to have two weeks from today. Most of it I can’t do myself, so will need to find folks to help me.
What I’m grateful for this week:
The kind and caring staff at four different departments at the hospital, each of which I visited for pre-surgical tests.
My friend Elizabeth, who’s a physiotherapist, came over after work last night and showed me how to use crutches and a walker, how to sit and stand up and get into and out of bed, and a whole slew of other useful stuff for when I get back home from the surgery.
It’s sunny this morning! 🙂
Lots of love to you, and to all the lovely Kitcheners.
Hiro
Hiro Bogas last blog post..Creative Connection: Where’s Your Muse When the Baby’s Spitting Up at 3 am?
Hi Darling,
Love you bunches. Don’t know how you do it all! You must have energizer bunny genes!
Glad to hear that you are taking care of yourself and going to a yoga retreat! Yay self care!
Busy morning and running out the door but two things;
They talk about the Twitter stream – You have opened the floodgates to the Kitchen FALLS or avalanche or some other kind of extreme rushing water experience. It is a marvel to behold. You have created a beautiful, safe vibrant community where people know that it is really OK to be themselves and to connect. That’s why it is so gosh darned ALIVE!
And you can tell your gentleman friend that you are not BRINGING angels into the house- they are already there!
Big, bunches of love,
Chris
chris zydels last blog post..The ART OF INNER CLUTTER CLEARING: MAKING ROOM FOR WHO YOU REALLY ARE
That which is hard in my life is consistently hard and is typically the same. It’s gonna take time to change it, so I’m trying not to grouse.
Which gives me an excuse to highlight some good things from this week:
1. I made Havi laugh on Twitter.
2. I’ve manage to post more days on the blog than days w/o a post. (This is a big accomplishment!)
3. The Fifth Ring of Hell has instituted a recycling program. Recycling is a good thing. (In case you’re confused … the Fifth Ring of Hell is where I work)
4. It’s Friday, sunny, and I don’t have to get up at the ass-crack of dawn tomorrow to trek to the Fifth Ring of Hell. 🙂
christys last blog post..Confession: I’m Really a Geek
I just want to say thank you for creating the Table, and putting your heart and soul into it. It’s still growing, it’s still developing. From your perspective, it’s new. But from where I’m sitting, it’s done amazing, transformative work.
In one week I’ve gone from thoroughly stuck and struggling to hardly knowing where to start with all the things I want to do. So much has been created, done, started, finished and developed. Seriously, never have I unstuck myself so rapidly.
A friend commented that I slipped and said “when” I’m published rather than “if”.
From wallowing around in the “I can’t”s I’m letting them all go and starting to work towards the “I can”s, the “I am”s and the “I have”s.
Thank you so much for doing this. It’s made the most amazing difference to my life.
Joely Blacks last blog post..TGIAD: There’s so much going on I don’t know where to begin
Havi,
Sending you all sorts of hugs, positive energy and much love. It sounds like you have a lot going on and I am sure that the lack of sleep is not helping either. Sounds familiar, as I sometimes go through these phases when excitement and fear and passion and tiredness are all tangled together in a big ball of Aaargh (yes, like the castle in Monty Python)… thank goodness for refueling stations!
Enjoy the yoga retreat! {hugs}
80 people! congrats. That’s no “small potatoes” at your table 🙂
carmas last blog post..The OCD’er Checks on the Fish
@carma – Thanks, sweetie! Potatoes!
@christy – Twice you made me laugh on Twitter!
*blows kiss at everyone*
Seriously, you guys are all awesome for checking in. I love reading everyone else’s Friday check-in. Makes me feel less obnoxious for listing all my stuff.
FRIDAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!
I must admit, the Kitchen Table has been so active that I’ve been overwhelmed by it, and thus very shy and quiet.
Cuddles and cat-kisses for everyone!
Stuff the hard:-
* Pain. Serious pain, like crying screaming (I don’t cry or scream – I’m a man, I grunt :p) oh-FSM-make-it-stop pain. It went away (ish), yay
* Being away from wifey while some government muppet processes her immigration paperwork
* Having to call pseudo-government call-center
* I have something else hard, but its only for sharing with the aforementioned wifey 😀
Stuff the good:-
* Cat! Cats are cuddly, cute and total sluts. This is good.
* Chocolate
* Kitchen Table *blows kisses*
* Watching movies on the Internet
* No more Bush :p
The Kitchen Table sounds like such an amazing place to be. OF COURSE it’s a lot of work, and OF COURSE it isn’t quite exactly like you planned for it to be. What fun would that be? It’s not right for me at the place I am in my life right now, but I look forward to the time when I’ll be ready to join in.
This week’s challenges:
– The book is still kicking my ass. I’m still having a hard time finding my focus and the motivation to just sit down and finish the thing. I better find the motivation fast, because my deadline is next week.
– It’s been tough to not take things personally this week. I’ve worked hard at this for a number of years, but I seem to be regressing this week.
This week’s good:
– I had a great group of women for my etching class on Monday. They were a lot of fun and let me get my mind on art for a while and off of words.
– Wednesday’s class was cancelled for lack of signups, but it was a welcome relief to not have to be “on” again. I should know better than to schedule more than one class a week.
– When I do sit down and find my focus, I *am* making progress.
Havi, the Kitchen Table is the greatest place on earth. It’s helping me in so many ways. I don’t even know what to do with myself when I log in. It’s like trying to drink a gallon of concentrated chocolate bacon. Even though I can’t possibly keep up with the gushing hose of fantastic, inspirational, moving comments, whenever I tap into it, it always gives me just what I am needing at that moment. Thanks so much for dreaming this up and for working so hard to make it what it is.
Hug @Annie …. I know it’s a lot, sweetie. Feel free to hide inside of the small groups or with a partner until you feel more settled …
@Lori – Wow, that’s quite a week. I want to take an etching class!
@Kelly – I know I already am crazy about you, but wow.
It’s too bad I don’t want to bring more people into the Kitchen Table right now … because “a gallon of concentrated chocolate bacon” would actually be the coolest/weirdest testimonial EVER.
I may stop writing copy for all my products and programs and just say “Concentrated chocolate bacon! By the gallon!” and see what happens.
We’ll get a bunch of nutjobs for sure, so that can only be a good thing.
@Annie Blue… You’re not alone. And, I don’t even have a business! I have found that getting the digest form of the Forum postings makes everything seem less overwhelming. I’ll look for you. 🙂
So, I have a long post that I’ll right on the Table about some of this. But I’m REALLY glad you wrote this, so now I can write mine without answering that “who the hell is this mysterious dude writing like he knows something.”
And I’ve felt terrible for not anticipating the degree of success. I mean, I always believed that this would be a BIG deal – you remember all those times I had to remind you of that? – but I thought it would build a bit more slowly, not like some gigantic supernova of creative energy, positivity, and us all sharing our Stuff with each other.
I know, I know – we can only anticipate so much. And, truthfully, I’ve been kind of intimidated to talk about it, because the whole “success is sometimes harder than failure” thing is something I routinely work through with folks.
I make lemonade out of lemons. So my learning point is to include five categories now: utter failure, normal failure, par, normal success, and extreme success. It use to just be three: failure, par, and success.
So, thanks for walking through this one with me. And you already know how amazing you are, so I’ll not throw too many accolades.
But, I do want to say I told you so: I told you the Table would be a one of kind environment that would change how we see online communities. :p
Charlies last blog post..Beyond Productivity: Living From the Inside Out (Episode 3)
I should have realized that the less “my stuff” bit of this will be unattached to this and I didn’t say this the way I wanted to.
The other part of this that I wanted to say is that I think your response and ability to deal with the stress of it all while helping others has been phenomenal. I think you’re beating yourself up a bit much – the Table has literally changed people’s lives, as the comments attest.
So yes, Angel – go ahead and refuel. But smile, too.
And I’ll stop before I get the “stop telling me how to feel and what to do” finger-wag from you.
Charlies last blog post..Beyond Productivity: Living From the Inside Out (Episode 3)
You need any help or advice with that overwhelming forum, you let me know with no hesitation or thoughts about bugging me and I’ll be right on it. I co-founded a forum about a year ago that is INSANELY active. We get 6-8 new pages of threads a day… I’d guess 500+ posts easily.
So let me know if I can help. I’m all too eager to.
Johnny Truants last blog post..Unfortunately, pants
I wasn’t able to join, but somehow when I imagined your Kitchen Table, I thought “how will she keep up?” – especially re the Kvetchtastic Whine Bar. But how would you know? I hope you get a nice dose of angels & sleep in the days to come, and appreciate very much from afar that you are blazing this trail. It sounds utterly wonderful!
The Hard: In the aftermath of a cold and navigating a half-ass attempt to weed out possible food allergens, along with caffeine. Which has me realizing my own limitations (instead of “I can’t think of it all” it’s “I can’t do it all” (not even close) – and I don’t like facing (ok, meeting) that one bit.
The Good: The pinch-myself feeling that this week’s inuaguration inspires, that I’m getting better at self care & self-acceptance, the weather this week (squeal!), and encountering enthusiastic students.
Hugs!
Sociomaitris last blog post..Reminder to Self: I Can’t Do It All
I just read “The Clan of the Outsiders,” and this is where I came to respond; mostly because I’m not too savvy yet with sites. I’m in the dating stage, and sometimes I’m not sure where to show up…
It blew my mind when I read the article tonight, because this very subject is the one upon which I lulled myself to sleep last night. Seriously.
It occurred to me that I have always felt a vague sense of outsiderliness. It wasn’t that I screamed it out in any particular way. I just tend to not conform when I choose to not conform. Other times I do. No biggie either way.
My Mom and Dad adopted me. I understand that certain handbags I carry are super uncool, but I like them anyhow. I could go on and on, but, I swear, I won’t. Outsiderliness seems to fit in big and little things.
Here’s the lulling to sleep part: I’m not an outsider at all! I didn’t fall to sleep because I was bored. I fell to sleep because I was peaceful.
Take the heart for a ride to its inner place, and it goes outer to everything universal. There, not belonging does not exist. Any sort of bad vibes from the sense of being an outsider vanish.
Sometimes I call those bad vibes lonliness.
Hopefully, the next time I wish to comment it will appear in the right place. If not, maybe someone can put them where they belong. If not, I suppose they are outsiders; and I suppose they don’t mind a bit.
Thanks for the newsletter.
Melinda
Creative person in California