Personal ads! They’re … personal! Very.
So my itty bitty personal ads made me realize that it’s time to make a regular practice of trying to feel okay asking for stuff.
Even when the asking thing feels weird and conflicted.
Ever since I posted the first one asking my perfect house to find me, which united me with Hoppy House, I have been a fan of the madness that is personal ads.
And now it’s my weekly ritual for clarity and remembering. Yay, ritual!
And … let’s do it.
Thing 1: more wondrous brunching excitement for the Playground!
Here’s what I want:
There has been so much lovely enthusiasm for my gigantic Phase 2 Fun-Brewing project to raise fun (and funds) for the Playground so we can make it beyootiful.
People have come up with terrifically creative things (like offering a thing and donating a chunk of the profits) and there has been a real sparkly, lighthearted, effervescent feeling to the whole thing.
Delight!
And now I want more of that, please.
Ways this could work:
Not sure.
Maybe some people who were inspired by the amazing thing that Willie did will decide to do something similar.
And maybe some of the right people for Bitchy Boozy Coaching will find it or remember its fabulous existence, and decide to be Playground Fairy Godparents and get a pile of goodies.
And maybe other people will write blog posts or facebook notes or whatever about how they donated love and good wishes and are getting the Copywriting Magic class as a thank you.
Basically much joyful spreading-the-word would be hugely appreciated. And that can happen in whatever form it happens.
My commitment.
To be hugely appreciative.
To dance up a storm until the Shivanautical epiphanies rain from the heavens.
To remember that there are so many ways to be taken care of.
To challenge (nicely) my residual stuckified patterns that say that I have to do everything myself. And to appreciate the constant reminders that actually this is not so.
Yes.
Thing 2: a perfect simple solution for the floor thing.
Here’s what I want:
So.
My gentleman friend spent all of last week cleaning, prepping and painting the floors at the Playground and getting them ready so we can put in the wooden yoga floor.
And, despite all the preparation and tests he did to make sure the paint would stick, now it’s not sticking. It’s scratching and peeling off.
And people are coming Friday.
Yeah. So whether this gets fixed by this weekend or not, I need a perfect, simple solution to show up so my gentleman friend doesn’t blow a gasket.
Ways this could work:
I don’t know.
We can try another layer on the edges. Or just carpets for now. Or have a paint scraping party with people.
Or the perfect simple solution can make itself known.
My commitment.
To breathe. To hope. To get creative.
To peek at my own stuff in case there’s something going on there that needs some love, because who knows.
To take lots of pictures of the renovation process.
To love the Playground and everything about it like it was my own. Which it is.
Thing 3: to maintain calm and steadiness and a sense of fun.
Here’s what I want:
It’s already a known thing that my people are coming and not everything is ready.
And the week is going to involve insane amounts of running around.
And I am determined to have fun with it.
Ways this could work:
I don’t know yet.
But I am learning this whole loving, patient, silly thing. And this is the next step.
My commitment.
To cackle hysterically when things go wrong and then go have a tea.
To remember that my people are awesome and that they will not mind things being partially done because they’re just happy to be there with me.
To share the joy and the hard and the funny and the whole damn process with you guys, as always.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
I had an ask that was about smoothness and things coming together for the Playground. And I asked for help with the fun brewing.
And beautiful things happened. I was completely overwhelmed (but in a good way!) by the rush of love and support and people-being-happy-for-me.
Plus we found brilliant things to decorate the space and the most perfectly perfect ship wheel.
It is taking shape and I am getting better at receiving help. So hooray for that.
The other part had to do with getting better at trusting, and I had an enormous breakthrough with that this week.
Still working on living it. But I was able to wrap my head around a new piece of it this week after a lot of resistance. And it’s interesting stuff.
My final ask was about my beloved Camp Biggification.
And it wasn’t really the right ask, as it turned out. Someone wise told me that the important thing here is to love this program like a daughter.
So I think this is an ask that is taking a new form. We’ll see where it goes.
Comments. Since I’m already asking …
I am adding to my practice of asking for stuff by being more specific about what I would like to receive in the comments.
Here’s what I want (just leave them in the comments):
- Your own personal ads, small or large. Things you’ve asked for. Or are asking for. Or would like to ask for. Or updates on last time!
What I would rather not have:
- Reality theories and words like “manifest”
- Shoulds. As in, “You should be doing it like this” or “That’s not the right way to ask for things — instead it should be like x, y and z”
- To be judged, psychoanalyzed or given advices.
My commitment.
I am committing to getting better at asking for things even when asking feels weird.
Thanks for doing this with me!
Follow
To remember that my people are awesome and that they will not mind things being partially done because they’re just happy to be there with me.
This. I find it hard to imagine your people going “Grumble grumble, how businessly unacceptable to sell places for an event when the venue wasn’t even ready!” I imagine them more like “Oooh so this is the famous Playground! And this is the famous floor that didn’t work properly – tell me all about it!” (Even if by then it’s all working.) And taking great amusement in whatever improvisation becomes necessary.
And then when they next visit, they’ll have the pleasure of looking round and reminiscing “I remember back in the day when you didn’t have X and Y and Z, and you hadn’t yet created A B and C…”. – which is one of the particular delights of being in at the beginning of something.
Here’s to hoping for the best for everyone’s VPAs this week. 🙂
As for me…
It’s now less than three months until I move home, so I’m asking for a really smooth transition. It’s a big, long ask involving lots of things, so let’s just break it down into the two involving this week:
1. Tomorrow I’d like to buy my plane ticket home for the day and flight I’ve picked out. So I’m asking for ticket-buying to go smoothly and painlessly. My co-teacher will help, and we won’t be all passive-aggressive with each other. We’ll be open and genuinely friendly, and the transaction will go flawlessly.
As for my part, I promise to keep calm. I won’t fall into a panic because, OMG THINGS AREN’T GOING PERFECTLY. Deep breaths. I won’t take my frustration out on my co-teacher or the students. If it doesn’t work, I’ll make another plan and not cry (unless I really need to).
2. Wednesday I will go to the bank and transfer a large amount of my savings back to my home account. I would also like this to go smoothly and painlessly. The bank teller will be able to communicate well with me. There will be no hang-ups in the money transfer. Also, if the exchange rate could be up a little more, that would be pretty awesome.
I’ll prepare all the paperwork I can. I’ll go early to the bank so it doesn’t hang over me all day. I will do what I can to make the trip downtown ‘fun’ and worthwhile so I don’t dread it. Not much I can do about the exchange rate except hope, ha.
Okay. Let’s do this~
If things aren’t quite ready when people get there, people will understand and help. 🙂 We all love the playground. If I lived nearby, I’d come over and help you with paint and carpets and things this very second.
My VPA for the week is similar to yours.
I’m Asking For: Focus in a calm manner
I’ve two exams this week. And four more following… I am NOT ready. Other things got in the way of revision and now I’m panicking.
I’m asking for lots of time to revise in a calm way; lots of helpful things like decent nights of sleep and supportive peers. I need to remember to have fun and not to stress out too much.
How this Could Happen:
-Revise as soon as I’ve posted this comment.
-I could find I’m not too tired so I can spend more time revising
-Some of the harder things could just “slot into place” in my understanding
My Commitment:
-Not to get angry with myself for leaving it this late
-To breathe
-To dance and stretch often
-To remember what I learnt about suffering/dukkha last week.
-To work hard? [whatever that means]
and of course, “To cackle hysterically when things go wrong and then go have tea.” That has to be the most important piece of advice ever; thank you for sharing it Havi.
Good luck with the playground – we’re all here to support you.
.-= Rose´s last post … Insights – Asking for Help =-.
An Idea Made of Rainbows
———————–
Why not paint over the first layer of paint in another colour, then another colour, then another colour… (etc) so it scraping off isn’t this bad thing, but how it’s supposed to be…
So you have this floor made of pretty rainbow scratches, that only gets prettier and prettier the more it gets scratched =)
Dear Havi, oh yes, I wish I were closer, too, so that I can come at help (but alas, I am soooo far away). And I am sure that the playground will radiate next week despite some unfinished things.
Update on last week’s VPA. I slept an awful lot, I did go to my kinesiologist, I did go to Julia’s yoga class, I have remained in hermit mode. And today is the first day where I am finally feeling vaguely “normal” again. It feels good when the energy is coming back.
My VPA for the coming week:
I feel ready to cut down the hermit time but only by microscopic bits. I am asking to find my own perfect balance between “in” and “out”.
I am asking to feel good and relaxed when I am off to S. next Saturday for a week of re-training for the job that is due to start in September. That week will be very much an “out” week and I am asking to feel really prepared and in the mood for it.
I am also asking for kind people to deal with all our request for refunds and to actually receive refunds for my torn backpack from the flight, my husband’s cancelled flights because of strike.
How this can work:
Yoga. Giving in to the need of naps. Doing a few “out” things. Doing all the necessary paperwork and emailing for the refunds.
My committment:
Do all of the above.
Fingers crossed for the floor. I have no helpful suggestions, I’m afraid, for I am only handy when the project involves duct tape or boxed furniture with instructions. But I think your people will just be so happy to be at the Playground and with you that they won’t mind.
My VPA is for rest and feelings of resolution. Yesterday I took an emergency vacation. I felt much, much better by the end of the day. I want more of that feeling. In fact, I want that feeling to be with me at the end of most days this summer, as opposed to the nastier feelings that have been happening so far.
Ways this could work: The world could have fewer surprises (what I’ve been hoping for, because I do not like surprises, but oddly it isn’t happening). Or I could get better at making room in it for surprises and the time it takes me to cope with them. Perhaps I have a designated thing or two on my list for the day picked out to become a thing for the next day in the event of the unexpected. Or something else as yet not thought of. There’s also the fact that I was in solitary quiet most of yesterday, and my living situation does not involve solitary quiet at all (and I can’t wear earplugs).
My commitment: To take my morning walk. To say enough is enough when it is and to not feel badly about that. To practice paying closer attention to unexpected things and figuring out how I need to handle them before they make me just shut down. To look for more alone time or ways of tuning roommates out, and gentle ways of explaining that I’m tuning out, please do not disturb unless someone is on fire. And to take a nap this afternoon, whatever it takes to make that happen.
Luck for everyone’s VPAs!
No VPA’s from me, except maybe to say I’d like to get a couple out sometime soon….
As far as the floor goes– I remembered “Wabi Sabi” and looked it up….”…a beauty of things imperfect, impermanent, and incomplete. It is a beauty of things modest and humble. It is a beauty of things unconventional… ”
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wabi-sabi
http://c2.com/cgi/wiki?WabiSabi
Which also led to:
Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There’s a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in.
Leonard Cohen
and the cracks in the floor may not let actual light in… but I have no doubt there will be a surplus of light and sparkles all over the playground. 🙂
Hmmm…I’m pondering sparkly ideas to help with Fun-Brewing. And sending so much love for your Very First Workshop at the Playground!
The peeling-floor story will add its richness to the Big Book of the Playground. And everyone who gets to be at your First Thing will be so happy to be there! Carpets sound good, for now.
My VPA this week:
For love, ease, grace, and surrender to fill my life, and to soften all the jagged edges in the life of the world this week.
My commitment:
To cultivate these qualities. To actively seek their presence and to support them with my love and attention. To find ways to be a source of love, ease, grace and surrender this week.
Wishing you all the fulfillment of your VPA’s in magical ways!
Love, Hiro
.-= Hiro Boga´s last post … In the Center of My Ribs… =-.
Fingers crossed to the VPA’s for one and all.
Last week I asked for help with some insights and inertia-stomping to take advantage of living in a new space, and settling in with helpful routines. It went swimmingly. More progresses to be made of course, but appreciative & happy. And I would like more of that please.
Situation: My sleeping and eating and exercise patterns and *choices* have gotten a little wonky. And when my physical world is off kilter, it’s really hard to be high-functioning. I know that’s true for everyone, but I seems particularly babyish (sensitive?) about it. So.
Thing I want: To get back into an easy flow with eating and exercise and sleep. So that making choices that energize me feels natural and easy again.
Ways it could happen: I could remember to act the way I want to feel, when I can. I could journal about it. I could go epiphanatical. I could get lucky and have a really good day with this, and then it could be so motivating that I just want to keep going.
My commitment: To keep reminding myself of this intention. Often and gently. To build reminders it into my sailboat (which got built because last weeks VPA rocked – yay VPAs!). Dance of Shiva.
.-= Briana´s last post … Discombobulation. (Or, When I don’t feel like being sovereign.) =-.
Update on last week:
VPA #1: no bolting. I got baddish news back from the biopsy, which isn’t cancer but isn’t normal either. The day of the baddish news I didn’t stuff myself, or shop, or tough it out at work. I went to my mom’s, and didn’t react to her unsupportive-ish support, and then I came home, and I cried, and I let myself feel my feelings. So YAY.
And VPA #2 from last week, cheap fun for this weekend: Yesterday, my hubby took me on a mountain drive with the top down on our car, and let me whine and bitch and cry, which became harder to do surrounded by beauty, and then fed me a delicious meal and helped me pick a baby shower gift for my best friend and gave me a fun day. I didn’t let my need for “perfection” dictate the adventure. Yay.
For this week:
THING 1: Clarity on what to do about the bad news
Last week I blogged about deciding to go for the most radical treatment. Then some shiva nata unveiled that really, I want that radical treatment because the “easier” treatments are scarier, and if I have the radical treatment then I can have 6-8 weeks off from my job, which I really want to quit. So I’m going for a total hysterectomy in order to get a break from my job. Hmmm.
So, I need more info about how I can avoid the scariest of the scary of the non-radical treatment, or at least NOT REMEMBER IT via good drugs.
How it could work:
* I could write my ob/gyn an email asking her the question
* I could do some shiva nata for clarity
My commitment:
To be open to the bings
To ask questions
To be honest with myself
To do a lot of monster journaling because the monsters are having a BALL with this one
VPA #2: Permission and time to explore quitting this job without having another job
I hate my job. I think I’ve hated it since about 3 weeks in, and that was 3 years ago. But “I’m not a quitter” and “I have no money to just quit” and “I am never going to make enough money as a freelancer” and “I am the main breadwinner and therefore I need to earn the most bread” and “I need health benefits and I can’t afford them on my own,” so I stay in a job that makes me depressed and that I really hate going to in the morning. All for a paycheck & the benefits.
How it could work:
* I could take a really good look at my finances and make a plan for paying off the current debt
* I could make appts with people I know who might hire me as a freelance writer
* I could make appts with people I know who work at agencies–an environment I’ve never worked in and have been curious about
* I could find someone other than my husband to use as a sounding board, because he has big fear issues around this and is not supportive at all.
My commitment:
To do at least one of these things in the short upcoming week
to do a lot of monster journaling about it
Good luck with the Fun Brewing! I did donate love and support, and I like the idea of tweeting about it, which somehow didn’t occur to me. I’m so excited for your Playground!
Update on Previous: Sales on art & Etsy stuff have slowed down, though one more thing did go out the door so my Kiva total is $109 for now. I also made a lot of progress behind the scenes, including switching up my categories from boringly useless to fun and useful. I’ve got piles more to do, so on to the first ask!
Thing 1: Smoothness in the work I have to do this week.
What I want: To be able to catch up with grace and aplomb, at least that my clients can see, and when I can’t, to be smart enough to admit the dead hard drive story that lost me two days during a very full week last week.
How this could happen: I could keep doing things as I think of them, and eat my way through this mountain of work one bite at a time. My triage could be effective so that I only do what I can handle and put off what I can’t. Clients could be understanding. My energy will stay focused and good, and last until I can afford to take an afternoon off to recover.
My commitment: To take breaks, drink water, and keep working one thing at a time. To not let the work eclipse my social commitments so I’m able to recharge. To allow myself time off when it’s mostly done. To remind myself why it’s worth the push.
Thing 2: For my Right People to find me.
What I want: I’d like my right people to find me, the art lovers and art buyers. For them to start communicating with me about what will make them happy buyers, or even just happy lookers, happy fans. For them to tell other right people.
How this could happen: I can keep doing my marketing homework. I can get brave and post to more blogs. I can keep showing up and doing my daily art posts and tweeting and FBing and sharing them. People who like me can RT my links, show their friends, buy my stuff. Magic and visibility.
My commitment: To keep plugging away at it. To be visible whenever I can, but to let myself have days of safety, too. To keep making art.
.-= Amy Crook´s last post … Ouroboros =-.
Oh, Havi, when you mentioned the possibility of having a paint scraping party with people, I started laughing and just couldn’t stop! Weren’t you around when we talked about Karate Kid type of exercises at the Destuckification retreat? Wouldn’t that be perfect? And “to get creative” is part of your commitment – I’m sure you could find a creative way to have people scrape paint and turn it into a destuckification and/or biggification exercise! 🙂
Update on last week’s VPA: I wanted to be happy with the way I’d have used my time while my gentleman friend was away, and I think I will. I haven’t been highly productive, but I have published a post on my blog, have felt some stuff start shifting, and have had some terrific Shiva Nata sessions. When he’s away, I usually get close to being ready to start getting stuff done right when he comes back. Now, I feel like I’m at that point, and he’s away for a few more days. While I can’t wait to see him again, I’m happy to have these extra days to myself and I’m curious to see what kind of progress I can do during that time.
I have no new VPA for this week, I simply want to keep going with the same intention.
.-= Josiane´s last post … Movement =-.
Havi, how long will you be accepting Fun Brewing donations?
I have two VPA things today.
Thing one: To be strong even when I’m lonely.
Because my sweetheart just went off to Europe to be with her mom for two weeks, and my son just went off to be with HIS mom for the summer, so I’m alone in the house for the first time in years. (Critters, pleasant as they are, don’t count.)
How this could work: I could remember how I used to recharge from being totally alone. Or folks could come see me (perhaps virtually, the house is a mess).
My commitment: I will not allow the emptiness of the house to become an emptiness of spirit. I will fill the empty places with joy and delight.
Thing two: To find my right people.
This is a lot like Amy’s. Sorry, Amy! But I really do think I have something special to offer – I just need to get the right eyeballs looking at it. (And some of them already are – thank you!)
How this could work: People could link to me. I could network a lot (see above: it’s not like I won’t have the time). Or, like Amy says, I could be brave and write guest posts and remember that just because it’s marketing doesn’t make me a bad person.
My commitment: I will remember that just because I haven’t found my right people yet doesn’t mean they don’t exist. I will also remember that I can’t just sit and wait for the world to beat a path to my doorstep; I can go out and find them too.
Strange thought: I figured out why I have trouble with “How this could work”. It’s because one of my monsters (can you tell that I’ve really attached to this metaphor?) is whispering “but you’re just fishing, Chris”. I’m not allowed to say “people could come visit me” because (I feel like) people will feel obliged to come visit even if they don’t want to. Bleh. Need to do some self-work this week too.
.-= Chris Anthony´s last post … Quick thoughts on a Thursday night =-.
Hey Havi:
you’re so amazing in how openly and honestly and lovingly you’re handling the playground.
i learn so much from you.
i remember part of the charm of the KT was the “sawdust on the floor” – it made me feel so included because it wasn’t “finished”.
sending you just the right support for what you’re accomplishing – which is phenomenal imho.
.-= Char Brooks´s last post … What’s Your Version of Taking Care of Yourself? =-.
I’m wishing all the best for everyone’s ads!
Last week, my ask was to become more awake, and this has been happening — but you know, I’ve always been a person who likes to take her time waking up, so I’m extending this one into the coming week. It feel good to wake up!
.-= Kathleen Avins´s last post … Disabling the autopilot =-.
Hi Havi,
I am working on a new web theme for my site and have had to ask for a lot of things as of late.
As for now, I have been asking for opinions from everyone I can think of about the new design. And mostly whether or not they love it, or not.
I have also been asking for brilliant techy minds to help me unravel techy web issues that are sometimes impossible for me to wrap my head around — I have been learning.
I also ask to not be top hard on myself for not getting everything done in the speed in which I think I should get everything done in.
devin
PS. I wasn’t sure if it was cool to leave a url so I left it off. I am hear to identify, not make waves.
.-= Devin´s last post … How to Find an Editor =-.
Last weeks worked like a charm – most of my coursework was finished by Tuesday and mailed by Thursday, all with minimal stress and maximal ease. AND I played around in Photoshop and liked what I saw, and now I have plenty of new ideas too.
This week: I am going to be mostly in Berlin. Which for some unknown reason I keep wanting to spell with an ‘e’ on the end. I want this week to be: interesting, explorative, relaxing, refreshing.
How this could happen:
Remember that there is nothing I ‘have’ to do – if I don’t want to go see something/do something I don’t have to.
Remember that chilling out in parks and cafes tend to be my favourite memories from visiting new places.
Be open to suggestions and ideas from people, maybe even ask people at the hostel (gasp!)
My Commitment:
Remember
Relax
wishing ease and playfulness in your last week before the playground opens. so exciting!
i agree with jennifer that people will be thrilled to have been in the mix before everyone else and love looking back on the changes over time.
also wishing the best for everyone’s vpas this week.
what i want: to not take other’s criticism so personally and to not constantly fear it is coming my way (if one person is unhappy, then they ALL must be)
how this could work:
post about it and ask for advice
spend more time (even though i feel like i don’t have any) on my mat
meditate – loving kindness towards myself and others
my commitment:
be open to other’s ideas
don’t dismiss because “i’ve tried that before and it didn’t work” or “you just don’t understand because…”
.-= Tami´s last post … The Good, The Bad and the Sick of the BS =-.
“To be judged, psychoanalyzed or given advices,”
is what you say you’d rather not have.
I agree that advice can be unpleasant and unproductive.
So I’m confused, why does the Bitchy Boozy Coaching dish out advice?
.-= Amy Martin´s last post … Hello world! =-.
What I want: To flow through the week, tiara sparkling, feeling aglow with kindess, even toward myself.
How this could work: I could give myself time to relax everyday? A new easy play could introduce itself. I could see a happy increase in energy
My commitment: To remember the things that help me like ‘tara brach dharma talks’ and supplements and use them.
Update on last VPA: I asked for something to ease up and it did a teeny bit. Also I felt like I could notice and appreciate my insights concerning all my fear around this change. Baby steps.
.-= mary´s last post … garden already behind =-.
Dear Havi, your people are coming to see you, not the floor. And I love ShimmerGeek’s idea for a rainbow floor. Good luck with the launch, I’m sure it’ll be a pirate party worth attending.
MY VPA:
To let myself feel what I’m feeling, even if that feeling is sad
HOW THIS COULD WORK:
I could journal
I could hang out with my monsters for a while
I could meditate (even though it makes me antsy)
I could answer my wife’s recent question, “what happens if you don’t do stuff”
I could let myself not do anything this week
MY COMMITMENT:
Argh, I have no commitment on this because it all scares me and makes me want to cry. But I will try to sit with it.
.-= Kirsty Hall´s last post … A Collection of Random Things =-.
@Kirsty – oh that’s fine to skip the commitment part. It sounds like you already have a lot of possibilities of how it could work, so maybe you could just try whichever one of them seems the least intimidating.
@mary – tiara sparkling!
@jane – I have LOTS of Berlin recommendations! Like Morgenrot on the Kastanienallee for coffee/people-watching. Or places to go for yoga. Or the best cookies in Berlin. What kind of stuff would you like? Not to mention all my students who teach Shiva Nata there. 🙂
@Char – thanks for the reminder of sawdust on the floor! It’s good to remember that if virtual sawdust is fine, the real thing will be okay too. It’s so sweet that you remember that.
@Chris – oh the fishing monster. A sneaky one. I wonder if he just needs some reassurance that you’re not asking for help from actual people by stating what you want … and that other people are sovereign beings with their own crowns who can do what they please … Super hard. Good luck with that.
@lynn – wow, that’s some really powerful stuff. Sending love!
@Ingrid – Leonard Cohen! Thank you, my sweet. I miss you!
@everyone – thanks so much for the reassurance that no one cares about the floor and that we can make do. It’s absolutely lovely of you.
And rugs and/or plain floor will have to work for now. They aren’t really a good solution as we will be doing Shiva Nata. Which means everyone will be sweating bullets, and that is not so great with rugs, and it makes for slippery floors. But thank you so much for wanting to cheer me up and for all the sweet reminders. That is marvelous of you.
Happy wishes for everyone’s Very Personal Ads this week!
@Amy – whoops, I missed your question. Sorry! Here’s what I think:
The thing with advice is that it’s really not good or bad in and of itself — it’s always about context.
And about the functional intention of what you’re trying to achieve.
So in the context of the blog, being clear about how we don’t give advice has the function of establishing safety.
It creates a safe space for people to discuss their own process without someone else (out of helpful intentions) trying to jump in and fix them. So it’s a boundary to keep out unsolicited advice in order to create a specific environment.
Bitchy Boozy coaching is a space where people are intentionally and deliberately soliciting advice because they want it. By signing up to receive it, they know what they’re getting: my opinions on their situations and challenges, and what I would do.
So this whole issue is really related to the sovereignty theme:
If I ask you for advice, you are a sovereign being and you have the right to choose whether or not you want to give me some.
If I ask you *not* to give me advice, you are still a sovereign being and you can still choose how to respond. And I can choose how I respond to that response.
If people are constantly asking your advice in a specific field, and you decide you are comfortable giving it as a service, everyone else in the world, as a sovereign being, gets to decide whether or not they wish to sign up.
So it isn’t so much a question of whether advice is a negative thing. It’s about differentiating between contexts, and remembering that we can make sovereign choices and others can make sovereign choices as well. I hope that’s a useful explanation.
The Playground! Eek! I wish it to whoosh along, like a happy little river.
My VPA: Focus for this week.
How this could work: I could commit to doing one thing at a time. I could notice when I’m tempted to do more than one thing at a time, and notice when I catch myself already doing more than one thing at a time. I could also commit to checking email and Twitter only one time per day.
My commitment: To do a lot of noticing and pausing when focus isn’t happening. To stop to consider what I really need when I find myself wanting to check Twitter or email. To do some Dance of Shiva, along with some quality shavasana.
.-= Kylie´s last post … things are different now than they were then =-.
Thank you Havi. That makes sense to me.
.also. I took a few steps closer to the shiva nata dvd last night, reading some of your pdf.
I appreciate your advice there to take baby steps.
Otherwise I may have put it off forever 🙂
Amy Martin
Nettle Tea Design
Never posted a VPA before so…here goes!
My VPA: To pull off a successful, well-attended, helpful in unexpected ways conference for a job that I really don’t love anymore and am trying to leave.
Ways this could work:
I could breathe, lean in and know that this really is the last conference I will have to plan for this job. I could really once and for all believe that my higher purpose is somewhere where my mind wants to hang out all the time. I could ask people for help. They keep saying they will. I could start to trust that they will. And that they are capable.
My Commitment:
I will make a list and actually start on each one, a little bit, or give it to someone who can make it work. I will pivot when a dog passes by, a light flickers or a tweet appears in front of me and get back to the list, promising myself that I can play the game I want to play again on June 19th (and forever very soon). I will stop blaming everyone else for what’s not happening while I sit at my desk doing nothing and then I will continue to do something without grumbling, complaining, whining and wringing my hands.
Birthing my first VPA, I feel complete!
Laurie
I had a party once. A new boyfriend, fabulous friends, a gourmet meal cooked by me. Just as everyone arrived, water started coming UP my kitchen sink drain. FAST. OMG.
We started having to bail the sink (in pots) to my bathroom at the other end of my railroad apartment. Quickly. Two people had to bail to keep up with the water and we had to take turns when we got tired. This went on for about 45 minutes, although it felt like hours.
It was Memorial Day, natch. No plumbers to be found. Luckily one of the guests knew a guy. $400 later, he came and fixed it and drank some beers with us as we ate pizza I had delivered.
Now known as my “sink-bailing party.” Classic.
Thank GOODNESS our right people are willing to scrape paint, bail sinks, whatever it takes. And extra thank goodness my friends are SO much more easygoing than I am!!
I truly wish I lived near enough to scrape paint. I WANT to attend your sink-bailing party! I’ll be there in spirit, sending many many good wishes and MUCH love