Personal ads! They’re … personal! Very.
So my itty bitty personal ads made me realize that it’s time to make a regular practice of trying to feel okay asking for stuff.
Even when the asking thing feels weird and conflicted.
Ever since I posted the first one asking my perfect house to find me, which united me with Hoppy House, I have been a fan of the madness that is personal ads.
And now it’s my Sunday ritual for clarity and remembering and stuff like that. Yay, ritual!
Let’s doooo eeeet.
And let us say WAH.
Really, everything is better when you say WAH. At least, that’s my experience.
Thing 1: Rally!
Here’s what I want:
I am fascinated by the thing that is the Rally. Also, I really like saying Rally. Rally!
So I threw together a trial run Rally that I haven’t announced yet.
Well, except to the lovely people who have requested to Kindly Be Informed When I Am Up To Something.*
It is happening ridiculously soon. Like, a week from tomorrow.
So it would probably be nice if I tell people about it before it happens.
What I’d like: to write some copy, make some announcements, and have it be fun as hell. Okay, fine. It can also be not especially fun. At this point, I’ll take it either way.
* The way to become one of these people, should you ever feel like it: there is a tiny sign-up thing on the events page.
Ways this could work:
It just could.
I can have a conversation with the me-who-has-fun-doing-things-like-this.
And/or I can have conversations with the me-who-doesn’t-feel-like-it.
I can write love letters!
While wearing a costume. COSTUME!
And decide what kind of schwag we will have.
My commitment.
To make this whole thing as playful and silly as possible.
To be genuinely curious about what I need, what it takes for this process to be pleasurable, and where I have resistance to that.
To practice patience when I can, and patience with the fact that I suck at being patient when I can’t.
Thing 2: Coming home.
Here’s what I want:
Selma and I have just come back from two incredible, beautiful weeks in New Mexico.
I would like a steady, stable, comfortable transition back into my life in Portland in general and in my beloved Hoppy House in particular.
Into my work as Pirate Queen of The Fluent Self, Inc , and into the specific projects treasure hunts and Expeditions that need my love and attention this week.
I am kind of terrible at transitions, so it would be very much appreciated if this one could be smooth, conscious, mindful and supportive.
Ways this could work:
I don’t really know. That’s why I’m VPA-ing it.
My hope is that bringing more attention to the qualities that will help me stay grounded and supported (rest, sovereignty, awareness, expectancy, trust, safety) is the thing that will do it.
I am going to actively look for ways to bring more of these qualities into my week.
And in the meantime, trusting that even though I don’t know how this is going to work yet, something about the asking will keep my attention there.
My commitment.
To notice when guilt and rushing and pressure show up, and to give them legitimacy to exist without being impressed by them.
And without thinking they are the one and only truth of my life.
Thing 3: the right refrigerator. Actually two refrigerators.
Here’s what I want:
The Playground needs a tiny dorm refrigerator.
And Hoppy House is in need of a new refrigerator. It should be:
- small-ish
- preferably undercounter
- energy efficient
Maybe around six cubic feet.
This has been really hard to find in the States what with the ridiculously massive appliances here.
We mostly eat from our garden and walk to the store for other items, so we’d like a small, quality machine that is elegant and not wasteful.
Ways this could work:
I do not know.
If you have suggestions, ideas or recommendations, that would be lovely.
My commitment.
To hope and wish and ask around.
To put out an ask at the Twitter bar and in my Kitchen Table program and anywhere else I can think of.
Thing 4: A new relationship with being online.
Here’s what I want:
These past two weeks of traveling have been brilliant for not overdosing on internet .
Somehow I was able to remember each time that there is a specific way that I want to interact with the internet:
To start with an invocation. To make a list of what I want to do online and stick to it (or add things if they come up). To physically turn off the internet connection when I’m done.
Feeling (not unreasonably) anxious that this is going to cease now that I’m home, when I’d really like it to become habit.
You’d think that since rewriting patterns and changing habits is basically what I do for a living, that would somehow make this easier. But it’s actually making it more stressful.
Like, come on you know how to do this so do it already!!! Sigh. That’s not how it works, sweetpea. Remember?
Ways this could work:
It either will, or something else will happen that will be equally interesting and give me whatever useful information I need for the next step.
My commitment.
To appreciate what a big deal it is that I want to make this change, and how big of a change it is.
And that I want to do it in a loving, nonviolent way, which means not rushing it.
Even though I’d like this to already be a part of my life, this is where I am right now. I don’t have to like it. And I also don’t have to be somewhere else until I feel like it.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
I had an ask that was related to maintaining the state of joy and elation from my time teaching at Jen’s Writers Retreat.
And that didn’t happen. But something else did and that something was really important. And now that I’m back home, I’m connecting to joyfulness again. So feeling okay with that.
There was an ask about the Rally, which I’m going to call a success because even though I haven’t told you guys about it yet, a lot of progress got made on the making-it-happen front.
And I wanted lots and lots of rest. With goo-slathering!
And not only did the goo-slathering happen but it was intense and crazy and wonderful. And this was by far the most restful week I’ve ever had … doing nothing but writing and sleeping and eating green chile stew. So thank goodness for that.
There was also an ask related to the Delightineering thing that Chris is doing, and we’ll have to ask him how that went.
Comment zen. Here’s what I’d love today.
- Your own personal ads, small or large. Things you’ve asked for. Or are asking for. Or would like to ask for. Or updates on last time!
What I’d rather not have:
- The word “manifest”.
- Shoulds. As in, “You should be doing it like this” or “That’s not the right way to ask for things — instead it should be like x, y and z”
- To be judged, psychoanalyzed or given advices.
Wishing love and good things for your Very Personal Ads! So glad for everyone doing this with me.
Follow
Things do go better with WAH! But my phrase of choice these days is WTF? Seriously, I think the last full moon has stuck around at least 2 weeks if not longer. WAH, WTF?!!!
A couple of weeks back my VPA was regarding acceptance. Some of the issues that drove me to write that have become clearer. For one, the reason my department chair wasn’t more involved in exam weekend was that she got 2 feet of water in her basement and has spent an incredible amount of time and energy with cleanup activities. Yuck. Her summer is worse than mine. Another part of the ask involved my current doctoral class. What a waste of time it has turned out to be. But the good thing is it hasn’t been very demanding on my time which is good because I don’t have much time to give!
WAH, WAH, WAH!!!! Oh, that felt good!
For your fridge — have you thought about looking into appliances meant for mobile things like RVs and tour buses? You might find what you need in an unexpected place like that, since Things Which Move are usually tight on both space and energy.
.-= Amy Crook´s last post … Mystic Cave =-.
VPA! Yay!
Updates on the last ask.
I asked for feeling better. The last 24 hours have indicated that it’s beginning to happen, but well, I’ve spent the last 24 hours in bed. So. Yeah.
I also asked for clues to the bigger Thing. And there is percolation. Nothing concrete, but teensy bits of movement. Which means also, resistance. Yay?
Onto this week’s ask.
Ask the first: An easy trip
What I Want
On Friday The Lovely Wife and I are going to see her family. Just for the weekend. But her father is in hospice care at home, her mother is dying for company and therefore wants to throw a picnic on the front lawn with other guests(!), and I’m still sick with a sinus infection.
What I want, then, is for this trip to have a large measure of ease and self-care built in, so that when we return I am not completely wrecked.
How This Could Happen
I could come up with great ideas for bringing my self-care along. Everyone could decide it will all be so much nicer if we all just hang out together instead of trying to have an event. I could sleep really, really well. I could feel hugely better re: the sinus infection, so that it feels easeful even if there is entertaining.
My Commitment
To journal. To focus on the few things I really need instead of trying to control other people. To be clear about my boundaries and my needs.
Ask the second: A way through at work
What I Want
I’m taking on a new pile of responsibilities at the dayjob, and right now they’re a big muddled pile of wha? I’d like to get my arms around them this week such that I have a felt sense of what needs to happen and when and how. And also of how this all fits into what I’m already doing.
How This Could Happen
Meetings. Trying stuff out. Setting up systems. (Systems!)
My Commitment
To keep breathing. To journal as necessary. To take time away from the email to plan and think.
And a big MWAH to all VPAers — and welcome home, Havi!
.-= Julie´s last post … What we talk about when we talk about callings =-.
Havi, thank you again.
I didn’t expect you to mention me in last week’s VPA, and I admit that it was scary when you did. (That’s not a complaint, by the way. No shoes here.) But it also convinced me that there was nothing wrong about having my Delightineering thing out where everybody could see it, and the amount of love and support it and I got was overwhelming.
So yes – that VPA went very well. Thank you. ♥
I have two this week! I hope that’s okay.
Thing 1: To be able to see the trees.
What I want: I have a problem with to-do lists. If I make the items too broad (“deal with email”), they’re too overwhelming to contemplate. But if I narrow them down at all (“deal with this one email”), I feel like I haven’t actually accomplished anything. So what I want is the ability to acknowledge that checking off a small item on my to-do list constitutes progress.
And what happens is that either I make a too-broad to-do list and can’t get anything done because it’s overwhelming, or make a too-narrow to-do list and can’t get anything done because it’s underwhelming and I feel like it’s not worth the effort.
So what I want is something that’s just right. Or maybe a different way of looking at it.
Ways this could work: I could work on figuring out what level of task feels right to me – not overwhelming but not “why should I bother?”. (Part of the problem is that when I’m underwhelmed, I keep adding tasks on until I’m overwhelmed, and then I just set it aside and forget about it, so.) Or I could find another metaphor besides to-do lists that will help me get things done without the pressure (or lack thereof) of to-do lists.
My commitment: I will remember that I am capable and that being overwhelmed is purely an emotional reaction, and I will remember that the forest doesn’t exist without the trees.
Thing 2: A vacation.
What I want: Related to #1, really. I want to be in an emotional and financial position where I can take a week off and just relax. No responsibilities, no need to keep compulsively checking my email, all the bills paid and all the critters taken care of. I’d prefer to take one with my wife and son, but it’s not going to work unless they’re in the same state of not worrying, or else I’m going to osmose worry and not be able to relax like I need to.
How this could work: I feel like once the finances slot into place, everything else will follow. (It’s like fixing a stuck zipper.) So I’ll concentrate on getting the finances to a place where I can afford to take a week off.
Or someone could come along and say “don’t worry about anything, go relax and have fun, and I’ll take care of everything for a week”. (At this point, “everything” would, sadly, have to include the bill for the vacation. 😉
My commitment: I will work toward that outcome, instead of being sad that I can’t do it Right This Second.
Best wishes to all!
.-= Chris Anthony´s last post … Lessons of Delight 1- We are unique =-.
Havi: Wishing you ease, support, love and spaciousness in this transition.
My VPA this week:
– To have time, space, and privacy in which to create the new audio for Healing Internet Hangover.
– To create it with love, sovereignty, playfulness and ease.
My commitment:
– To set clear, sovereign boundaries around my time and space. To communicate these to everyone involved. To trust that I will have what I need when I need it.
– To set clear intentions and to consciously infuse myself, my space, and the work with the qualities of love, sovereignty, playfulness and ease.
– To stay receptive to synergy, synchronicity, and the beings that so generously lend their powers and gifts to this creation.
Happy VPA-ing, everyone. May you receive your heart’s deepest desires in magical ways.
Love, Hiro
.-= Hiro Boga´s last post … Remembering Hiroshima =-.
General smoochiness to everyone’s VPAs!
What I want:
Insight into when and how to make a graceful exit from something that’s just not working for me. And I’d like this insight to come as easily and obviously as the realization that such an exit is even possible in the first place.
How it could happen:
-Out of the blue. I could keep my eyes, ears, heart, mind open.
-A new opportunity could make the decision to extricate myself even more safe and certain. Hmmm. Noticing that possibility scares me a little–Let me emphasize that I’d prefer that such an opportunity doesn’t cause anxiety-producing urgency or angsty swirling.
-I could try the alignment ritual with all of the people/entity involved, which might (hopefully!) provide insight into why this choice is really best for everybody.
My commitment:
To talk to the same smartypants friends who first helped spark the possibility.
To ask Shiva Nata the question and scribble after. (At least once this week.)
To write a love letter to all the wonderful things that will arise from that ending.
Update on last time: Made some progress on nesting & decorating, but slow. My house won’t be featured in Dwell anytime soon, but progress nonetheless. I’m keeping this VPA (and my commitment) open.
(Seed-planting for next time: To find a way to be a virtual part of what is sure to be The Rallyest of Rallies – to find ways to infuse my process with Rally-esque qualities & energy from afar.)
.-= Briana´s last post … Shannon Wilkinson in the Green Room with an ice axe =-.
You’ve made me miss New Mexico these past two weeks. So beautiful there. Hope your transition home is a smooth one.
This week’s ask: So, I have my blog of 5 years, Taller Than Average Tales, and then there’s my Thing, Rocklawn Arts (focusing for now just on getting more of my art photography available online) that I’ve been developing this year.
I want to consolidate my blog with my Thing, so my presence is consistently Claire of Rocklawn Arts.
However, my blog is not so directly aligned with my Thing, as say The Fluent Self is, so I have concerns. I like the freedom I currently have to post whatever I wish on my blog (an imperfect snapshot, random anecdote, musing on a source of frustration, whatever). If the blog moves under the Rocklawn Arts name, then I think I’d feel as though I should only post the best-in-all-regards photos and ditch the therapeutic and off-topic writing, to bolster a professional brand.
One answer would be to keep 2 blogs, but I really don’t feel like maintaining two blogs.
So, what is the ask finally? How do I achieve brand consistency with my blog and my Thing without giving up what I like about blogging?
How: Hmmmm. Not sure that it can or even necessarily should be done. Blogging on random topics does not seem a good approach for biggifying my Thing. More clarity on this issue would be helpful.
Maybe write a test post to see what I think qualifies as a professional and Thing-related. Maybe if I kept separate blogs, I wouldn’t actually have to post as frequently on the ‘business’ blog as my current dissuading assumptions think.
Or I could write a test caveat for my regular blog to see how that would feel.
Or, I have no idea. A simple and perfect solution could come along.
Commitment: I will continue to mull this over. Be open to other sources of information and ideas. To keep looking for alternative answers/variations that could work.
.-= claire´s last post … Sketchbook- page 41 =-.
I’ve been looking up green chile stew recipes thanks to its copious mentionings here and…yum. (Although I also wish I could find somewhere that would make it for me.)
Also @Chris – yay, glad to hear some VPA magic has visited your Delightineering.
VPA 1 – to find a way to get to Portsmouth.
I loved the open mic night in Portsmouth, the only problem is getting the train home – nightmare as I’ll have to leave way before it finishes and walk in the dark not really knowing where I’m going to the station. Not fun. So I want to find a way – somehow, someone – that I could get there without this being an issue.
How this could work – I could let my friends and family know and one of them might drive me. And hopefully have a wonderful night in the process.
I could miraculously overcome my phobia of driving and my lack of a car that I can drive without feeling like I’m going to die because the gearstick doesn’t work properly.
Something else I haven’t thought of yet?
My commitment – To contemplate asking for help, and to acknowledge that this is insanely hard for me.
To believe there’s a solution.
To keep an open mind.
VPA 2: Flow with writing. In the last couple of weeks, there has been ample stuckness. Some of this is simply tiredness, but other parts…discouragment and monsters.
How this could work:
I could think about what I want to get done, and do steps towards it rather than just quaking before the vastness of my projects.
I could acknowledge that yes, there has been some severe discouragement and that it is probably normal to feel like avoiding something that has brought me pain (even though it’s totally not the writing’s fault.)
I can set aside an hour a day for writing – and write or nothing.
My commitment:
To stick with the writing hour.
To remember that working on the stuck that gums up the flow totally counts too.
To remember that there are people out there cheering me on.
I saw a video of Who’s Got the Pain from Damn Yankees again the other day, don’t remember why. But WAH made me think of that. WAH here too!
Last week I asked for a little “order and method” in my life. And it’s sort of happened! Sort of is better than not at all. I am surprisingly well packed for the Great Move (the trunk of my car is a work of art). I am not gray-haired yet, and I haven’t committed homicide. So I’m thanking my Belgian detective consultant and considering myself a satisfied client.
This week’s VPA is for more method, patience, and humor.
Starting Tuesday, I’m driving over a thousand miles with two relatives over three days, then I have three days to set up a new apartment in a city I’ve been to twice. It’s crazy, and I’ve never done this before. WAH!
Ways this could work: I could stay calm about finding furniture, and accept that some things are just going to be more expensive than I’d ordinarily prefer and that’s okay. I could believe that there is plenty of time and I’m not going to miss out on the perfect thing. I could treat “disasters” as “entertaining stories for my future children.” I could cling to my Magic Clipboard and make lists as much as necessary. I could make sure that everyone stays well fed and watered. I could figure out ways to get alone time if I start getting stressed.
My commitment: Continue breathing. Call in the detective as necessary. Laugh at least once per day, even if I have to go online and deliberately find something to laugh at. Bring good driving music. Hope for the best.
Good luck to everyone and happy Sunday!
A huge *mwah* to everyone for their VPAs!
Last week, I asked to practice Shiva Nata at least Monday through Friday because I had some things I wanted to do. I did, and it was lovely, and I finished the ask in the VPA prior to that one as a result.
This week —
(But first, WAH! Ah, much better.)
What I want: A conversation with a full-of-genius friend sparked an idea on how I can turn my blogs into a website – without having to actually create the website (not on my list of current priorities) and while keeping the separation between two things that (apparently) I really need right now – with the bonus of cleaning up some things that bug me in the process. I’d like to find out if this is actually possible and, if so, make some progress on it.
How this could work: I can test a few things and see if I break anything. I can send my list of questions to Typepad support.
My commitment: I will send my questions off. If possible, I will appreciate the ability to make changes even if it requires a bit of work on my part to fix any issues that result. Also, I will celebrate the idea itself because it is exactly what I need/want.
.-= Elizabeth´s last post … ode to joy- volume 31 =-.
As soon as I get off the computer here, I’m going to go talk with my painting, they way I have seen you converse with your blog. I have a feeling it will be really opinionated. *bolsters self with cup of coffee*
Oooh—I love Amy’s idea of RV-sourcing the mini-fridge. Schmaht! It makes me wonder if you might have similar luck with boat-sellers and/or the little house people (who are in PDX, if I’m not high on something):
http://www.tumbleweedhouses.com/
UPDATE: Uh…not so much. But I did not do the greatest job of living in integrity, which I got super-clear on last night, and which I have a plan for this well. So.
THIS WEEK:
What I want: A good, sustainable rhythm that includes a lot of writing getting done by me.
Ways this might work: Earlier to bed/rise. Some accountability partnering (maybe bookended before/after calls). Maybe more scheduled things, so the time isn’t QUITE so luxuriously open. Aaaand I don’t know what else. This is going to be a week of observation.
My commitment: Nei Kung in the morning. Walking, daily. Good food and lots of water. Daily human contact.
Good luck, everyone, and a good week to everyone.
.-= communicatrix´s last post … Frrrrriday Rrrrroundup! Political Edition =-.
My VPA:
Representing my Thing in a way that’s *me*
What I want:
When I first wanted to share my Thing online, I found a wonderful person who taught Internet Marketing, since that’s what I thought I was doing.
I had a GIant Epiphany last week that this Internet Marketing way was not the way that was right for me or for my Right People. So I need to redo the site and how I present my Thing.
I know what I need to do and want to do, but haven’t been able to get myself to work on doing it, so hence the VPA.
So what I want is ease in the starting and the finishing of this process, to do it in the next day or so, and to have something that feels really genuine to me and that my Right People will love.
Ways this could work:
I think maybe it already is. Reading Havi’s VPA post, and deciding to post my own VPA got me to write a blog post about it and now I think I’m about ready to start working on it…
But I’m open to magic, inspiration, or whatever else may be right.
My commitments:
To not drive myself crazy about this (or at least notice that I’m driving myself crazy and look at what I can do about it)
To remember my Right People in this process
To stay true to myself as much as I know how
.-= Andy Dolph´s last post … Changing direction- a new website- living in my own skin =-.
WAH!
Yep, smiling now 🙂
Check these out (I saw them over at “A Beautiful Mess” blog yesterday)
http://www.sears.com/shc/s/search_10153_12605?keyword=smeg&vName=&viewType=gal&viewItems=24
Smeg, 9.2 c foot fridge, in colors, whoa!
Answer to last week’s VPA PS requesting salt pellet bags was answered as soon as I posted to my Facebook. Someone in town had 16 bags for me! Yay!
This week, what I want:
The perfect simple solution to this health problem that was found at my exam on Thursday.
How this can happen:
A miracle (it could just go away)
A new drug that hasn’t been listed on any of my internet searches that doesn’t have any of the horrid side effects of any of the current drugs.
The OB/GYN could be willing to do surgery just to remove the problem and leave everything else intact, despite my “advanced age”.
My commitment:
To remember to breathe. To stop and slow down when panic hits. To know that I was 99% ok before this problem was found, and that I am still 99% ok.
WAH! WAH WAH WAH!!
My ask this week has to do with being sovereign. With holding my ground on a potentially controversial NO I just NO’d.
I’m expecting pushback and subtle to not-so-subtle disapproval from the NO’d party. And I want to be firm and fully inhabit my NO, while also handling the resulting whatever as gracefully as possible. And to not take the response personally, or freak out unduly.
I will remember why I NO’d in the first place – it’s strategic and sensible.
I will also remember that a true NO is holy. And just as right and integritous as YES.
.-= Amna´s last post … No Just- no =-.
Warning: Long. I stopped writing and didn’t stop for a while.
This week has been lots of scary and DOOM and WAH! and hiding my head in the sand until things fix themselves. In an entirely predictable fashion, nothing has magically fixed itself, and doing less-important items on the to-do list does not make the big and scary items go away. WAH!
Update on the Perfectionism Monster:
Right now, I’m very miffed with the perfectionism monster. It is a monster mash. Or monster melange. Or a Whack-A-Monster. Every time I start feeling like I’m understanding where it’s coming from and give it a name (like the “it’s never good enough” monster or the “why try when somebody will always tell you to fix something” monster or the “this is hard and I don’t wanna” monster), another one pops up and starts yelling at me. It’s like Whack-A-Mole but they’ve got teeth and I don’t have a mallet and WAH!
*blarglesnarf*
My stuck consists of a lot of different issues all crammed together and tangled up, which means that working on one thing will not unstick me yet even if I’m making progress on the Knot of Doom. This is very disheartening and makes me a sad panda. So yes, lots of avoidance and anxiety and being very down on myself. I feel like I’m in that early frustrating stage where I am starting to figure out the map, but having the map and making the hike are separate thing. (Having the map helps a lot during the hiking, though).
***
VPA #1: Brain, please be nicer to me!
What I want:
I want to continue mapping out my destuckification plan and take more steps down the path. I want my old thought patterns and neuroses to stop tripping me up as much.
Ways this could work:
-Actually writing out The Work on major points of anxiety and pain (instead of just thinking through them when I’m trying to fall asleep) to lessen some of my freakouts.
-Meditation when I’m flustered or having physical symptoms of stress and anxiety.
-Making a concerted effort to sit down with my negotiator and talk to some of my monsters – I need to know who they are and get to know them so I can figure out what they need. I *can* stop if it gets hard, but I shouldn’t stop just because it gets hard.
-Stem the information flood and give myself more time to be quiet and listen.
-Dance and run and lift heavy things as much as possible to center myself.
My commitment:
-Keep a notebook with me so that I can scribble in it whenever my laptop isn’t around for writing meditation and doing The Work.
-Remind myself that it’s OK to take a break. Remind myself that meditation feels really wonderful and that I don’t have to follow a specific plan. Don’t schedule it.
-Set aside some time to do written meditation and talk to my monsters. Remind myself that it’s OK to take a break and that this is fun as well as scary. Try talking to the “if you stop you’ll never get anything done and you’ll be a failure and DOOM!” monster.
-Put away the mp3 player. I do not need podcasts every second when I’m not reading or writing. Turn off the internet. I’ve gone four days without it before and nothing went bad and nothing exploded.
-Get up in the morning and get into my body. The bed is comfy, the bed will still be there later. The body is here already and will feel even more comfy with some stretching and moving.
***
VPA #2: I love you, house.
What I want:
I want my house to feel like home again, as it’s kind of stressing me out now. We had a day yesterday of “character is another word for everything is broken!” and I’m not loving it like it should be loved. (It is, in fact, awesome. It has lots of windows and hardwood floors and a drainboard and more windows and a cat!)
Ways this could work:
-Fix some of the long-term annoyances like slow drains and no birdfeeder and dirty windows (I totally unplugged the slimy stinky hairy tub drain this morning, go me!)
-Get rid of the clutter that’s keeping me from seeing my home.
-Put up more pictures of friends. And hang up my cranes above my bed again because I missed them.
-Reboot my morning and evening routines from FlyLady so that I don’t do the “argh my sink is dirty I’m a bad person” self-talk. Also, taking my pills every day is good for everybody.
My commitment:
-When I can’t stand to work on my giant doom project anymore, give myself a little time (half an hour?) to get grubby and muddy and play with tools and circuits and fix stuff. ‘Cause it’s infuriating and fun and filthy and fulfilling and awesome!
-Put on some punk rock and run around the apartment grabbing stuff I don’t like and don’t use. Put it in the charity box. Dance around like a maniac.
-Hammer nails into walls and put up pictures. 😛 (No really, they’re already in frames and everything!)
-Pull out the frame with my routines in it and grab my purple dry erase marker and start checking things off again. It’s OK if I don’t do everything every day, and it feels good just to put the check marks in the boxes.
***
TL;DR version.
Whoof. I’ve got a lot of stuff flying around my brain. I can tell that it’s been a week of internal monologue ’cause when I started it just didn’t stop! I probably have another half a dozen VPAs that I want, but I’ll save those for my personal journal. Some of them are extra-super-scary.
Really, what it comes down to is this:
-I need space to make ideas and awesome happen.
-I need space to deal with the things that are hindering awesome.
-I have the tools that I need to make space.
-I need to consistently apply these tools so that I can slowly but surely carve out the space I need in the space I have.
Thank you everybody for sharing and letting me catapult some of my stuff out into the internets. Some of these VPAs are really inspirational!
…WAH.
You’re right, it does help.
Update: Last week, I asked to be able to finish a first draft of my dissertation proposal by this past Friday. Sigh…not so much. I did work on it all week, and I did send my work to my adviser, but it was sketchy and incomplete and he was pretty straight with me about that. So, my timetable is pushed back another couple of months, and it looks like I’ll have to apply for an extension on my graduation date.
Between this and an ongoing financial tangle (and a few other reasons that are probably too ridiculous to go into here), I am feeling really down right now.
Asking for: clarity and comfort. Not necessarily in that order. If I can have both at once, so much the better.
How it can happen: I know that it will happen, in time. It always does.
My commitment: I will be faithful to my basic, essential priorities. Loving acts. Creative acts. I believe that I always have the power to do these things, and that sooner or later, they will lead me someplace better.
Thanks, everyone.
.-= Kathleen Avins´s last post … In which Kat is loved =-.
Disclaimer: I don’t work for this company, but I’ve bought stuff from’ em before and been happy. Have you tried compactappliance.com? They sell through their own website and through ebay too. I bought a fancy-schmancy washerdryer combo (the European kind — only one machine for both) from them, and I know they also carry countertop dishwashers (which I already own and love). Maybe they could help!
Ooh, fridge hunting. I had a gorgeous one years ago in college, with a separate freezer and everything. I think I got it at Home Depot? I guess most dorm fridges are smaller than what you’re looking for though.
VPA time!
VPA #1
What I want: A cool place to spend the days in until I get paid next Monday. It has been horrifically hot here lately, and I don’t have air conditioning, so it is too hot to stay in the house during the day. Preferably it would be a place where I can write and/or draw without people looking over my shoulder.
How this could work:
– The library could be open every day.
– I could stay later at work than I need to.
– The heat wave could break earlier than expected.
– I could magically come across somewhere to hang out that doesn’t charge me to hang out there (have been going to a web cafe that is everything I want except for the price).
– The bugs and spiders outside could stay outside when I open the windows so that I won’t be afraid to open my windows anymore (yes, I have screens, but they’re poorly-designed and don’t keep everything out).
My commitment:
– To do everything I can to hold on to the remains of my paycheck.
– To be proactive in looking for a place to go.
VPA #2
What I want: Okay, this is not so much an ask for me as it is for a friend – I want my friend’s boss to give her the time off she asked for so she can come visit me in September.
How this could work:
– They could say yes. XD
My commitment:
– To send lots of positive mind beams in her and her boss’s direction.
And if anyone else has any spare positive energy/good wishes/etc to throw that way, it would be much appreciated!
Update on past VPAs: I got my driver’s license! After a long-fought battle with the Japanese DMV, my license is finally in my hands. There has been much rejoicing.
WAH.
What I want is for my thing this week not to be a war.
Instead it could be:
a garden
an art class
a wizard’s brew
a dance
therapy
mindfulness practice
How this could work:
I’m not sure it *will* work. But I’m willing to consider it possible.
I could continue the processing. That one Bing I had could put down roots and grow. Shiva Nata. Emergency Calming Techniques and Hiro’s Feelings The Musical.
Separating what’s old, old, old here from what’s information about *now* and *this* project. Listening to both; distinguishing.
Separating stuff that’s not mine.
Something like jumping into the cold ocean and being shocked back into life. Find more things to do like that. Maybe dancing.
Lots of getting up and moving. Dork dancing, walks. Setting a timer to remind me to move. Scribbling while walking.
Dreams?
Experiment with creative writing techniques I’ve read about.
My commitment:
My pattern doesn’t have to disappear overnight.
If I’m not able to stop wanting it to disappear, that’s allowed too. Who wouldn’t want this war to be over?
I’ll remind myself that I’m doing the best I can. Cause wow, I really seriously am.
Update on last week:
I asked to not always be thinking that what I’m doing NOW should ALREADY have been done. It went really well. I invented a new morning chicken ritual for starting work on time that is awesome. And I think I really *got* that the crux of the pattern is *that thought* (this should ALREADY have been done)… making it surprisingly easy to reframe.
Hi Havi,
I hope your transition back home goes very smoothly. …As for small refrigerators, I found a site with several different sizes/options/etc.
http://www.compactappliance.com/Midsize-Refrigerators/Appliances-Refrigerators-Midsize_Refrigerators,default,sc.html
Hopefully something there can help, or at least help lead you towards a great solution.
Take care!
I’ve only recently starting reading your posts, and love the VPA’s – haven’t worked up the nerve to post mine yet – fear mode is there. Anyhoo, that isn’t the point of this reply. I noted the beginning reference to WAH and went on a hunt for a definition (it sounds like whining, but having read things from mice and monsters and the like, I couldn’t be sure). Since I couldn’t find any reference to a meaning (and I only know how to pronounce German, not really read it) could you be so kind as to bring a newbie up to date and tell the meaning of the word (acronym?)?
Ever so grateful for you and your wisdom ~
I have a VPA this week. Earlier today I discovered a lovely attitude of curiosity and openness that precludes failure. (I can’t fail at something if my attitude going in is, “What will happen if…?” rather than, “I want ___ thing to happen.”)
I would really love to experience what it’s like to bring that attitude of curiosity and openness-to-outcome into more of my life throughout the week.
This could work by me being aware of curiosity as an option. Rediscovering my daily practices could help (yoga, meditation, shiva nata). Writing myself notes and reminders could help. I’m not sure what else, but I bet there’s more that could help.
I commit to noticing and appreciating and being thankful for all the times that I bring this approach to bear in the next week, even if some of my internal voices try to convince me the circumstances are small and/or unimportant. I commit to noticing what practices, objects, times, or other variables seem to help or not help this attitude to manifest in me.
Thanks, Havi!
.-= steph´s last post … bridges- and falling down =-.
What I want, please:
a) More clarity about what I want.
b) To resusitate my practice and be ok with it being different.
Ways it could work:
a) Allow its realization to take its own sweet time.
Continue “trying things” and wait for the WAH!
b) Baby steps.
Part ways with guilt (not constructive!).
My committment:
a) I will release my desire for clarity now.
b) I will gently redirect my focus from my own practice to the aspect of causeless grace. And then I’ll practice as is practical.
.-= Rupa´s last post … Love Sells =-.
VPA VPA VPA!!!
VPA’s are my most favorite thing. Because, so far, everything I ask for I get and sometimes I get it 12 seconds after logging off. Except for 2 super-elusive asks. And then half an hour ago my biz stopped feeling like the boardwalk and more like work. Then stuck arrived and it all went to hell. So. I guess this is a re-ask.
My re-ask: for my biz to have its first client
ways this could work: I could make peace with marketing and sales and biggifying and sort out all the information and opinions I have been given. Metaphor mouse might help, like he did with the work/boardwalk thing.
I could stumble across right people at a networking thing.
It could be magic. An email from nowhere, that kind if thing.
I could dance shiva and think of exactly the right person to call.
I could involve waterballoons. (Ok- Probably not a great biggifying strategy but potentially fun.)
My commitment: to meet with metaphor mouse and sort out the sales and marketing thing.
to keep trying things until I settle on my right strategy.
to set a goal to have a plan, with goals and to-do lists and enough flexibility to make it actually happen.
Hugs to all. WAH!! to anyone who needs it and water balloons for everyone.
.-= Deanna´s last post … Why bother with an employee training manual =-.
wishing everyone happy vpa’ing this week and may what you want happen for you.
mine- echoing havi’s about internet.
#2 sleep,easy and peaceful and restful
ways it could happen
-it could just happen
-i could journal on my relationship with sleep, rest, going to sleep, getting up – the whole thing
-i could use systems to make tiny tweaks and notice where it’s breaking down
-patience with the process
-letting go of the “need” to sleep and just be restful and awake and rested in the morning
my commitment
-amba’s technique as i want it, not as a should. did it tonight and very relaxing
-work with it in a back burner/brewing/letting itself unwind
-metaphoring it into the idea of unwinding (as in a piece of curled ribbon that just relaxes, or hair that goes straight and silky from being all wound up curly – i don’t know)
-patience with where i’m at with it.
ask#3
clarity about an important decision – knowing where i’m headed next with confidence baby steppin it
ways it could work
-surprise me
-i’d get a gut feel
-i would trust that i already know
-it could come through my dreams
-it could come through meditation
-it could come through my hands
-i’d figure it out while exercising, doing yoga, walking the dogs
commitment
-to move in some way every day
-to relax on the floor before bed
-to ask for help from God
-to meditate on it
progress: getting there on this decision and not there yet. it’s okay. learning noticing, patience and tweaks in the system. asked for clarity and didn’t get it. but i asked.
.-= Char Brooks´s last post … How To Deal With Depression =-.
Following up on VPA’s from last week:
Work re-entry was far less stressful than it could have been. Turns out many other folk were gone too, and so my inbox was not overflowing. Also a small glimmer of hope that boss might be interested in the idea of “enoughness.” Writing happened on future blog posts and I registered the name of my newbie website.
This week’s VPA:
Work environment #1 is about to collide with potential work environment #2. WE#2 wants me to come back as a part-time interim person doing the job I did and liked before. WE#1 doesn’t know anything about #2. My heart would hurt if WE#2 doesn’t happen, but WE#1 is the guaranteed income and long-term position.
What I want? A way to create a satisfying solution for all involved, especially me 🙂
Ways this could work? WE#1 boss could sit and talk with WE#2 potential boss about how to timeshare me. (#2 is pastor to both boss #1 and myself also). A just-right person could make themselves known to me and we could timeshare WE#1. (That way once #2 transitions out, I have more time to develop my own WE#3 🙂
My commitment? To focus on the next step and remember that only one decision need be made at a time. Remember to ask myself, “What do I want?” instead of “How could this work?” Breathe.
@Amna: spot on, I feel like doing copy and paste for part of my VPA.
I need to hold my grounds on a potentially controversial no that I have already half uttered or if I decide to turn in into a yes I want to be very clear about the conditions that would make me feel comfortable with a yes. But before, I just want end my current inability to decide for either a yes or a no at all.
I want to find a one-bedroom studio for 6 months in S. as off mid-September. I want it not to cost more than 400€ a month, to be in walking distance to the theatre or not more than 5 underground stops away. I don’t want to pay a commission so I can’t go though an agency.
How this can work:
I need to stop procrastinating the decision, I can set myself a deadline.
I can come across an ad. Or someone among all the people I have mentioned to that I am looking for a place could hear of one and let me know.
My committment:
Be very honest to myself about the decision. Do some Shiva Nata on it today.
Best wishes and love to everyone’s vpa’s!
@Chris, re: trees: 🙂 I loved the way you described this. I’ve been there — my significant other looks over the list when I can’t get a handle on it. (That equates to a massive change in perspective.)
@Havi: 6 cu feet is considered a spare – for an entertainment space. Moveable spaces (boats and rv’s) usually have appliances with propane options – which would increase the cost for an electric household.
compactappliance.com was my first thought. My little community of tiny houses recommends them. I used a high-end retailer of fancy appliances – he had my little Italian model shipped over with his other stuff. But that might be before-internet 😉
Update: I feel like I’m floating on a bit of an ice floe that has been separated from the mass. The seas are rough but I’m doing just fine. All around me, ice is breaking up and floating away – my safety zone gets smaller.
Alternate imagery: Whack-a-Mole: I’m the mole and I keep sticking my head out to check the weather and someone tries to smack it with a big ol’hammer. So far, I am quick.
(More literal update: we were given 7 – 10 days for both the ‘broken cousin’ and an (elderly) uncle (long-term illness). Both are nearing the end of that count with no significant improvement or decline.) Holding pattern.)
My wants: (I typed that as a plural and some monster jumped out and said “You Can’t HAVE MORE THAN ONE.” And I swatted him away which wasn’t very loving. So I’ll schedule a date for us to talk today.)
#1: I’d like the seas to get calmer. I’d like my ice floe to find some port to rest in and maybe merge. (It does pack together in the winter, after all.)
How this could work: friends, community. Accept the gracious steadying hands/life lines being offered.
My commitment: stay open, sovereign, keep moving
#2: 4 weeks till Big Event on a community-wide level. I’d like to be crossing things off THE to-do list in rapid fire succession. It’s time for stuff to be firming up and settling and coming together. (That sounds oddly like my ice floe in #1. Must mull this over.)
Ways this could work: oooooooh magic!
My day job could settle down.
My commitment: Focus. Keep moving. (Same as #1. ???)
Hi Havi,
My beautiful friend Philippa recently sent me the link to your blog. So I’ve been lurking for a couple of weeks and your post today about VPAs has inspired me to take a chance and write one for myself. By the way, I think you’re ACE!
Here’s what I want:
I would like the courage to make changes in my life and keep moving toward having more and more bliss, happiness and joy.
Ways it could work:
-Be open to meeting lovely people and learn from the ways they invite bliss, happiness and joy into their lives.
-Be gentle with myself when I feel afraid.
-Do all of those amazing things that help me feel happy – like dancing, singing, lounge disco and laughing out loud.
My commitment:
Notice things that bring bliss and joy into my life.
Be thankful for all the great gifts I have right now.
Breathe.
WAH WAH WAH WAH
Thanks Havi x
What I Want:
The perfect housing situation, where I want it, within my budget (the non-stretchy side of my budget so there is more left over for other things). Sun. Breezes. Laundry. Quiet. Privacy. A little home base from which all my adventuring can spring.
Ways This Can Happen:
Someone on Craigslist will have it and they will want me there. One of my friends will know someone with the perfect space.
My Commitment: To keep my eyes and ears open, to visit places, to pack, to ho’oponopono the old house so it isn’t sad and trying to keep me here. To mentally forgive my current landlady so her spirit isn’t trying to keep me here.
What Else I Want:
The beasties, they’ve got to go.
Ways this can happen: The universe decides I’ve had enough and clears them. The poison I’ve been dousing the house with suddenly starts working. Their natural life cycle comes to an end and they all die.
My commitment: to keep mopping, vacuuming, poisoning. To EFT and ho’op on the beasties so they go away.
What I Want:
To get paid as a speaker.
Ways This Can Happen:
Someone pays me. Or, someone hears me and recommends me to someone (who holds the checkbook) who hires me and pays me and then the other places feel competitive and Must Hire Me, Too!
My Commitment:
To work on my collateral materials so when they do hire me, I’m ready to go. To write about it in a newsletter so they see what I know. I tell people I want to get paid to speak.
I guess I can stop dreaming about being the first commenter and start relishing my place as the last commenter.
I also used compactapplicances.com when we bought our washer/dryer combo machine. I guess commenters on this list have more than just being Havi-fans in common.
VPA:
What I want:
I’m also in transitionland between away and home and vacation and work. Jet lag kicked my butt this week and now I’m back on West Coast time I’d like to think about how to make the transition back to work less – WORK/trauma/drama.
How that can happen:
Read Fluent Self.
Notice patterns.
Make a list of what I’d like to do before I go back to work.
Not get overwhelmed by the massive to-do list.
Not think of going back to work as ending my life as I know it.
Pay attention to how I’m actually spending my time.
My commitment:
Watch and learn
Catch myself when I’m doom and gloom thinking {the kicker is I LOVE my job. I just love being off more!}
Pay attention, pay attention, pay attention.
Ask for advice how other people prepare for going back to work after a long break.
.-= Tami´s last post … The View from My Mat =-.
Jumping in late because I need to send out an ask for something important.
What I want:
To enjoy my time in my homeland (which is a few states away, but may as well be a few countries away), and to deeply enjoy and appreciate my family.
Ways This Can Happen:
It will just feel comfortable and not be awkward or stressful.
It will be easy and natural, and no one will second-guess anything.
My commitment:
To be well-rested and eat healthy food throughout the trip. To try to exercise when possible – maybe by taking the dog for a walk.
To be mindful of the differences between me and my family, and to work on bridging the gap.
Accepting and maybe even laughing (to myself) at the vast chasm separating me and my family.
Recognizing they do things the way they do because they work for them.
Realizing I am not there to fix anyone, and my lifestyle works for me because I’m me, and it doesn’t need to work for anyone else. There is NO one right way of doing things, or living life.
Being clear that I am no one’s savior.
Breathing through any trouble spots, and directing my attention to my family so that I can appreciate them.
Taking great pains to show my family I appreciate them.
.-= Dawn´s last post … Taking the Learning Out of the Classroom =-.
Late because I don’t have home internet.
First; I love VPAs. I was doing something similar but not as specific and this really pushed me to think through what I really needed/wanted to ask for. Which is a good thing.
Second; I have discovered over the weekend that I have 6 VPAs that refer to my budget, finances, income, getting out of debt so I can have my life back quandry. Something seems amiss about this.
And yes it probably has to do with my relationship to money which is where all this started three years ago. But several attempts to write a VPA about getting a better relationship with money that I don’t have and can’t seem to get has been …hard.
And I need to leave it at that or I will melt into tears and that will upset the whole library.
.-= Deb´s last post … When the miracle becomes a curse =-.
Yay, Rally! Wish I could be there.
So, I have two VPA’s this week & they’re related because I have an idea for A Very Exciting Thing but for it to happen, I need better health and more money.
MY VPA
Sigh. I’m still ill and I need to be well
Ways This Can Happen:
I’m already doing every damn thing I can think off but maybe I can think of some more?
I can accept that I’m ill & take the week off
My Commitment:
To try and trust that my body will get well in its own time & that I’m supporting it to the best of my current ability
To try and be patient with the process
To have a chat with my monsters about why the thought of taking the week off seems so damn scary
MY VPA:
Money – to make The Very Exciting Thing happen, I need to be earning enough to hire some help & I’m just not – not by a long chalk!
Ways This Can Happen:
I could sell more art
I could sell more coaching
I could raise my prices (which I know I need to do but eek, monsters)
Some other fantastic thing could happen
My Commitment
To breathe through the panic that even writing this brings up
To continue taking baby steps in the right direction
To accept that this is unlikely to be an instant process
To begin work on The Very Exciting Thing even though I don’t have the help I need
.-= Kirsty Hall´s last post … Money- business & how to avoid magic pill thinking =-.