Okay. This post will probably not make any sense unless you read Phobic Me and Non-Phobic Me go out for a beer, which explains the cast of kooky characters (uh, it’s just one guy).
But the short version is: I refuse to make certain types of phone calls and have zero issues with making other types of phone calls.
And this is often a problem in that odd thing known as In Real Life.
So I did some sneaky investigating in order to learn more about Phobic Me and Non-Phobic Me and discovered some pretty astonishing things.
And then I arranged for them to get together and have a conversation about this so I could eavesdrop and find out Useful Things for destuckifying this. And here we are!
The room.
I spent way too much time wondering what room to put them in, since they seem so different. Like completely different people.
But then I remembered that they both like isolation and solitude, and that they’re sisters and also that they said they work together.
So I asked to see their office.
It turns out it’s not so much an office as a … secret lair.
It’s in the mountains. A cave that you access by pressing on a certain rock. I’d tell you more, but I’m sworn to secrecy.
It’s cool in there.
Both in the sense that the air is cool and a tiny bit moist, as is the rock floor, and also that it is awesome.
There are woven rugs. And antique lamps. And light comes in through many cracks and crevices.
Phobic Me has a giant round bed all to herself.
In a very Austin Powers kind of way.
And she watches Shiva Nata being danced on the walls and the ceiling.
The increasingly complicated mathematical sequences show themselves in flashes of light, as if they are being danced by light sabers.
The spirals and squares and figure eights build layers and layers of light around her. Points of light.
She’s in a force field made up of … theoretical form: the possibilities of structure. The boundaries of chaos.
Not-at-all-Phobic Me has an office nook.
She leans back in a ridiculously comfy looking chair and puts her feet up on the desk.
She has tea to drink, notepads to scribble in and Selma to keep her company.
The conversation.
Apparently I’m an idiosyncratic nutjob.
Me: Guys? It would be really helpful if I could listen in while you talk to each other. I hope that’s okay.
Phobic Me: It’s cool.
Not-at-all-Phobic Me: You know, I think Havi is hoping that something about our situation will change once we’ve talked things out. But our situation is really good right now.
Phobic Me: I know! I wonder if what she really wants is permission to let it be the way it is.
Not-at-all-Phobic Me: Awesome. That would be funny.
Phobic Me: Seriously. People already know she’s an idiosyncratic nutjob. They should just be able to deal with it.
Not-at-all-Phobic Me: Totally. But what about the goo-slathering? Havi really likes getting goo slathered on her, and then you won’t make the call for her. What would help with that?
The patterns.
Phobic Me: Here’s the problem. Not enough structure. Not enough mapping out. Look at the patterns. (she points at the ceiling)
Not-at-all-Phobic Me: Oooh. Yeah. I see that. Interesting.
Me: (stage whisper) I can’t see!
Phobic Me: It’s important to have three treatments picked out that you might want. In order. And possible times.
Because what happens is they ask what treatment and then Havi answers and then they name an impossible time and she gets flustered. They think she cares about the specific treatment when she really just wants goo slathering in some form.
Not-at-all-Phobic Me: So it’s all about mapping out structures. That’s why I wouldn’t be good at that kind of call. Structure isn’t my genius.
Phobic Me: But it’s Havi’s genius. She’s the Head Shivanaut.
Not-at-all-Phobic Me: So it’s not about you learning to be more like me. It’s about Havi learning to be more Havi and use her strengths.
Pirate queens like maps, right?
Phobic Me: That’s what it seems like.
Not-at-all-Phobic Me: Pirate queens like maps, right?
Phobic Me: I believe so.
Not-at-all-Phobic Me: So she could draw a map for goo-slathering appointment-making.
Phobic Me: Yes. And let me take a nap.
Not-at-all-Phobic Me: And let you take a nap. That sounds good to me. Well, as long as I don’t have to arrange any goo-slathering.
Phobic Me: Tee hee! Don’t be ridiculous!
They fall apart in a heap of giggles
I exit stage right.
And then Phobic Me and Non-Phobic Me went out for a beer.
In the rain.
Under a gigantic rainbow-striped umbrella. Holding hands.
And I started mapping out maps for making the goo slathering calls.
Of course we still haven’t dealt with the Me Who Never Answers Her Phone (whom I suspect of also being the Me Who Doesn’t Turn Her Phone On For Days At A Time).
But that’s enough for now. It’s a start.
Postscript!
I did make the goo-slathering call. In fact, I made two goo-slathering calls, and the goo-slathering that resulted was life-changingly great.
And I developed a Quite Silly Process (it involves pirate maps and goofiness) for doing things I am avoiding doing. I’ll be teaching this at the Rally next week if you want to play.
And comment zen for today.
As always. We all have our stuff. We’re all working on our stuff.
And part of how we let each person have their own experience is by not giving advice (unless someone specifically asks for it). Sharing your own experience or what works for you or what you’re learning about your stuff is absolutely fine.
Kisses all around, and wishing lots of safe and delightful rooms for your various phobic and non-phobic selves, if you have them. 🙂
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LOOOVE the pirate map to the treasure that comes from doing the-thing-i-don’t-want-to-do. Phobic me NEEDS TO KNOW who’s on the phone. Can’t stand being ambushed even by the most beloved of souls. Hmmm…might be time for beer jaunt.
Ooooh that secret lair sounds fantastic. I love that they work together like that, absolutely perfectly.
Now, how do I turn this to help with the current situation of reall, really wanting to talk to a certain person but then finding that actually I’ve turned into the kid hiding behind her mummy’s leg while her mother tries to have a conversation and avoid being tripped up? Because I could use a little magical whizz pop to sort this one out for sure!
x
.-= Wormy´s last post … Dad’s Poem =-.
“…the cast of kooky characters(uh, it’s just one guy)”
Priceless. Just.. PRICELESS!
(Sadly, I can’t make the rally. But if I might put in a request, please consider revealing more about the Quite Silly Process. Including, perhaps, an example map?)
These two are so charming I can hardly stand it. Adore.
And in terms of never answering my phone… Why did no one tell me that you can selectively choose which voicemails to listen to on an Iphone? I can’t believe I’ve been missing out on that all this time with my stupid old phone. Now I can continue to actively avoid the messages I really don’t wanna listen to, without missing the good ones. At least until I learn about my own inner phone goddesses.
.-= Briana´s last post … Work Party Wednesday- No big deal =-.
“It’s about Havi [or, insert name here] learning to be more Havi [same] and use her strengths.” Genius, indeed. Thank you.
(BTW, Phobic you has wicked taste. Loved the round bed.)
.-= Rupa´s last post … Love Sells =-.
Hey, wait a minute… Don’t most SUPERHEROES have lairs of some sort?
.-= Rupa´s last post … Love Sells =-.
Mmmmmm…caves, beds, maps, rainbow-striped umbrellas. With goo-slathering at the end of the rainbow. Must visit your phobic/non-phobic country. It sounds too delicious to pass up! 🙂
.-= Hiro Boga´s last post … Remembering Hiroshima =-.
“idiosyncratic nutjob” Permission to let it be.
This kept coming up for me when I couldn’t understand why it was that I liked diced tomatoes.
Yet I don’t like sliced tomatoes or wedged tomatoes or even whole cherry tomatoes, sliced fried green tomatoes yes, oh my yes, just not those other ones.
Dice ’em up and I’ll eat ’em all day. Slice ’em up and well yeah, I’ll just do without tomato, thank you very much.
And that was the doorway through which I came to understand my own “idiosyncratic nutjob” self and start liking her and letting her be.
It’s still hard and so I’m with @Tori Deaux, I won’t make the rally this time [whines] it’s so soon and I wasn’t prepared for such soonness [/whine], yet the Quite Silly Process [begs]might that be digitized for virtual rallians?[/only ends the begging if it worked]
Every time you write one of these posts, I learn something new. Thank you.
.-= Chris Anthony´s last post … Everyday Delight 7 – New Perspective Edition =-.
“Apparently I’m an idiosyncratic nutjob.”
I.love.you.
.-= Tami´s last post … Teacher Travels- English Espana =-.
“Of course we still haven’t dealt with the Me Who Never Answers Her Phone (whom I suspect of also being the Me Who Doesn’t Turn Her Phone On For Days At A Time).”
Ha! That’s actually how I’ve, um, “resolved” a lot of my phone issues. 😉
Here’s to secret lairs!
.-= claire´s last post … Northshire Bookstore- not to be missed! =-.
That’s it. I’m going exploring for a secret lair tonight. I know it’s gotta be somewhere. Wonder how many opposite sygyzies I’ll find there that make up this idioscyncratic nutjob that is me? I’ll report back.
I’m also going to remember that Friday is two days away, so I don’t miss The Chicken this week!
.-= Shawna R. B. Atteberry´s last post … Why I’m not having children =-.
More than anyone else I can think of, you inspire me to believe that being an idiosyncratic nutjob just might be a feature, not a bug. Thank you!
The pirate map sounds like an excellent idea, too. Perhaps I’ll try one sometime — or an acrostic flow chart, perhaps? *cackles mysteriously*
.-= Kathleen Avins´s last post … Did anyone ever tell me there’d be days like this =-.
I’m so glad you made the call. And that you have a map.
I suspect that I would quite enjoy a map, too. Engineers are like pirate queens that way. Only we call them flow charts, but there’s really no difference.
.-= Amber´s last post … Share Your Story- Feed My Dream =-.
I began shivanauting last week, having had the dvd for… mmph weeks.
And this week? Massive set of understandings about how I communicate with family. Lots of talking with and listening to Small Child Me and Teenaged Me, and seeing things from other family members’ perspectives.
Kid Me spent a lot of time being the Changeling Child, looking in at the others through a perspex barrier, shouting and feeling that she was not heard.
And she knows that her family thought that THEY were the ones shouting and feeling unheard.
Now she knows that the barrier has edges, and she can walk round it. It is not the whole world, just a window in it. And it can be a windbreak and a sound muffler when things are too much, from where she can always assure the people she loves and herself that they are still in contact.
It is much easier for Kid Me now. She can learn the steps.
“Apparently I’m an idiosyncratic nutjob.”
Yeah!
Ah….I would love to figure out why phobic-me won’t make calls, even for good things. I wish I could magic my way to Portland to the Rally, because I could use a Quite Silly Process! I hope its a great rally and here’s to goo-slathering for everyone!
Lovely! The “me who has not even bothered to set up her voicemail because it’s just too scary” is very interested in watching all this unfold. Just please promise to be careful and do make sure to bring Selma along for protection…
.-= Liz´s last post … Unbogged =-.
This is a huuugely useful post Havi. Comparing similar situations and identifying the qualties that create more fun and ease for you. Really helpful. Thanks pumpkin!x
.-= Leila Lloyd-Evelyn´s last post … Feel Bad Find Meaning =-.
I can certainly relate. The me who annoys me the most, after me-who-won’t-make-phone-calls and me-who-won’t-pick-up-the-phone is me-who-won’t-listen-to-voicemail-until-5-days-later-when-it’s-already-too-late. I like the idea of having an agreed upon ending. It also seems that with people I haven’t talked to in a long time, the phobia grows as time keeps passing and it only gets worse!