Interesting phenomenon. There’s this thing that happens while on your way to figuring something out.
Or: on your way to getting something you want.
It’s all the incredibly useful, unlikely and surprising things you manage to learn, discover, untangle, trip over while you’re in the process.
Like this.
At the end of our week-long Destuckification Retreat that Selma and I taught last January in California, Kelly started blogging. All the time.
Before that, she’d been blogging maybe once a month, and hating it.
In the nine months since then, she’s been posting regularly. And loving it. To the point of kind of being addicted. Like I am with posting here.
But it’s not just that. Her posts are also way more fun than they used to be.
She used to write about copywriting. Now she writes about gobstoppers and how to get a truck driver to trust you, and monster puppets eating spaghetti.
Is this good for her business? Obviously. Because in addition to being crazy talented, Kelly is a delightfully kooky individual. Now she’s hooking up with all her right people, and enjoying the hell out of it.
Here’s THE ACTUAL POINT, though.
Kelly didn’t come to the Destuckification Retreat to destuckify her blogging. That wasn’t the point. It wasn’t even on her mind.
When you destuckify one thing, everything else starts falling into place.
That’s just how it works.
It’s like Frank’s hugely inspiring epiphany, which happened during that same week of surprises. It changed the way he looks at everything in his life.
When you get clear on one thing, all sorts of other things — that you didn’t even know you needed clarity on — start moving and shifting. And not in scary ways. In good ways.
It’s like you have more support. More insight and more comfort when you need it.
And then: the new things that grow when you take apart the old.
You know how Eileen and Briana launched the amazing Hopscotch Distillery? With extreme silliness and fabulous shivanautical dance parties where you get work done?
They met and hit it off at my Day of Biggification in Sacramento last December.
I’m pretty sure neither of them showed up thinking, man wouldn’t it be cool if I met an amazing person and we created the best business in the entire world together.
Side effect.
But a really good one.
And it was able to happen, in part, because Eileen and Briana were there to figure out what was getting in the way. They were there to learn about biggifying. Mindfully.
And whenever you actively work on deactivating those Things Getting In The Way, there is so much … spaciousness.
I don’t really know how to describe this accurately but it’s kind of like discovering new rooms in your space.
An entire new floor. That exists just for you. For discovery and creating and being surprised.
Oh, the surprises.
I came to the Destuckification week to teach.
But I was actively using everything I was teaching.
And that’s when I had the vision for the Playground, which has completely altered my business. In really, really good ways.
There are other surprises too.
Like pretty much everything that happened at the Rally (Rally!).
Or the creative collaborations. Maryann and Jacquelyn (who also met at the Destuckification week) are teaching a class together. And advising each other on projects. And making stuff happen.
I admire both of those women so much. But I had no idea what they’d be able to do for each other. It’s completely inspiring I can hardly stand it.
But this is what happens when you work on your stuff.
Obviously, there’s a lot to be said for working with an intention.
And if you’ve ever done the Sunday Very Personal Ads with us, you know that there’s so much clarity that can show up just from trying to figure out what you want and why you want it.
But really, what happens around the intention is so much more interesting.
Because — and this happens a lot — so often the side effects are even cooler and more impressive than the actual original hoped-for results.
The actual point.
Working on your stuff in a conscious, intentional, loving, mindful, gentle way is always good.
And it’s also good for all sorts of things you didn’t even know you needed help with.
It’s something we get to do in small doses here, on the blog. All the time. That’s what we do.
And if you’re one of the people coming to my Week of Biggification (password: pickles) or to the next Rally (October 11-14!), please know this:
The side effects will be more outrageous and wonderful than anything you actually imagine will happen there.
Because that’s how it works.
Ten thousand sparklepoints for side effects.
And yeah, there are ways to access these and intensify them in a more active way too, but for now I really just want to think about the ones that have shown up by accident.
And to look around and wonder what mysterious, glowing, goofy, beautiful side effects might be on their way right now.
May we recognize them when they show up. But you know what? Even if we don’t, I’m pretty sure they’ll end up finding us anyway.
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Like when leaving your monster at monster day care for the first time leads to him coming home all grown up and applying for a job transfer.
That’s so spooky, I was just thinking about this – in fact it even crept into a post I’ve just written. The side effect of starting each working day with some time to write my current novel had the entirely unexpected side-effect of easing my generalised anxiety symptoms.
I had no idea that restructuring my day would have that impact – I still do the same things, just in a different order. I only did it to make sure my book got written, I had no idea that starting the day with a nourishing act would ease everything else – seems obvious now… Duh! Several thousand words later I am less stressed and the book is nearly finished. Double yay! x
Woohoo for beneficial side effects!
Warning: Working with Havi may cause happiness, silliness, and unexpected fabulously wonderful stuff in your life.
Oh yes, side effects a-plenty! When I went to the Destuckification retreat I had no idea that I’d end up, a few months later, being a Shiva Nata teacher and getting ready to launch a coaching practice. Surprise! And at the same time, it’s now so totally obvious that this is what I was meant to do all along – this is just *so* me. Thank goodness side effects are there to take us where we’d never have thought to go even though we were meant to be there!
As for those “ways to access these and intensify them in a more active way”: I’d *love* to know more about that! Pretty please! 🙂
Havi, you know — I’d heard you describe how, at retreats, you always meet people you end up working with in some way.
And I thought, oh, yes, but that would never happen to me.
I’m doing this arts/artists/[marketing] thing and there’s no way I’d meet someone at a retreat and end up collaborating or finding clients.
I’m not a coach or web guru or intuitive healer or – or – or …
Ha!
I met sooo many awesome people at the Destuckification retreat, including Jacquelyn, and I’m so excited about our work together.
Thanks for bringing us together, Havi, and proving me wrong!
xo
I read the page about the Week. Sounds really amazing. Will there be one in November 2011?
My favorite side effects happened as a result of meeting people like Josiane and Maryann and Jacquelyn and Frank and Briana and Eileen. I think they ended my whole ‘right people are like the popular people in high school’ thing once and for all. Side effects started taking the main stage after that. Sparkle points to infinity for connecting us!
.-= Kelly´s last post … An odd couple =-.
I am finding this side-effect thing is SO TRUE this week. I’m working on one thing (figuring out balance) and instead have managed to heal what seemed like a completely unrelated monster. Amazing stuff.
And you know, it’s really all one big side effect, because going to the Rally to work on my novel caused a big avalanche of side effects that have changed how I approach my work, my home life, my personal rituals and practices, etc. And there I was, earlier this summer, thinking I was just going to go write my novel. Ha!
.-= Jesse´s last post … Fearing the bitter inside the sweet =-.
This was perfect for my day. Perfect. I’ve been all bottled up about something, like a little dog who is concentrating so hard on digging a hole that he forgets what he did with the bone he wanted to bury.
Finally, yesterday afternoon I was able to get to a place of calm. All of a sudden, so much came tumbling out and I realized why I was stuck in the first place. Wonderful side effects of un-stuckness and creativity. And of finally feeling like things are moving in the right direction again.
Thank you. I’m appreciating you so much right now!
.-= Liz´s last post … Pricing- and how I choose to relate to the world =-.
Oh this post couldn’t have come at a better time!
I’m halfway(ish) there to figuring out my thing, and I feel like I’m going in the right direction.
I’ve been doing lots and lots of Shiva Nata on the way there, and it’s reaaally helping me figure out what I want to do, and how to get there.
Now I’ve started on that path, there is SOOOO much incredibly useful, unlikely and surprising stuff getting thrown up at me.
I never expected this to happen. And I’m happy and grateful.
To quote Paolo Coelho’s “The Alchemist”:
“It was my fear of failure that first kept me from attempting the Master Work. Now, I’m beginning what I could have started ten years ago. But I’m happy at least that I didn’t wait twenty years”
.-= Eleanor´s last post … Make It Yours =-.
Havi,
It’s like what you were saying during the Bohemian Salon just now about change: How it doesn’t have to be motivated by pain. Instead of moving away from pain, we can move towards love.
I’ve noticed that a side-effect of this approach to change is the development of all kinds of amazing superpowers, such as strength, intuitive abilities and serenity.
I loved hearing your voice, and I so appreciate your sharing your wisdom with us.
.-= Rupa´s last post … Why It’s Good To Be Bad =-.
I like this, and I have often found it to be true for me: change one thing, and everything shifts.
@laine — hearing about you and your monster for the past couple of days has really made me smile!
.-= Kathleen Avins´s last post … Birthday cake =-.
Dearest Havi, Selma, and The Rally!
I so very much hope to join you all one of these upcoming rallies!
I wish Belgium was not so far from Portland. If there is to be a European Rally at some point; i’d love to hear and will book my tickets asap!
Love to the rally, the ralliers, the rallying and the wonderful Playground. Happy cheers and happy wishes and so many thanks for all the wonderful gifts of thoughts.
I shall make a mini blanket fort in the extra sleeping floor of my studio for the time being!
Hannah