Because it’s Friday AGAIN. And because traditions are important. In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
Home! Soon! Leaving Asheville for Portland.
I cannot wait.
In the meantime, it is definitely time to do some chickening.
Because that was one hell of a week. Full of challenging hard and beautiful redemptive good. And I am so ready to close the door on this one.
The hard stuff
Recovery from illness.
So a week ago, as that week’s chicken came into being, I typed all sorts of very hopeful things about being on the mend. That did not happen.
At least not right away.
Friday and Saturday was still much queasy and headache-ey and not good.
Not until Sunday afternoon did I really start returning to myself.
And even then I was slow little miss mouse all week. Low appetite, easily tired, much needing of the bed.
Further frustrations due to being in recovery.
Usually when I’m not teaching, there is a bit of necessary down time but Selma and I also like to hang out with people at meals.
To be silly and learn about what they’re working on and play play play.
This was not happening because invariably the thought of being around food made me shaky. Or bed took precedence over everything else. Bed!
Oh. After so many months of excitement of leading the Week of Biggification. I mean, we started planning this last January!
And then to be there and not be able to really truly be there in the way that I wanted to. Very challenging.
Everything out of routine.
Still missing all the things that I normally do that keep me sane (tramping and daily bath and long walks and morning yoga).
Computer issues.
It turns out that it will cost so much to fix Mack the Wife (Mack the Wife-Book-Air) that I might as well just get a new laptop.
I do not want.
Blah. Decisions.
Argh time change.
Really, I do not understand the general excitement over an additional hour of sleep. That never happens to me.
Here’s what does happen:
Normally my body wakes me up at between five and six. This is a good thing. It gives us time to do what needs to be done before the day begins.
When the clocks change though, my body tells me to get up at four instead. There is no going back to sleep.
And then I’m up. And it’s four in the morning. This is the hour of not having fun.
Also it is the hour when the hotel vacuums all the rooms that one might sit in while one is very much not asleep.
Day 4 Syndrome.
Even though it happens every single time.
And even though I told them it would. And even though Day 4 syndrome is a normal, natural part of going through a serious process of working on your stuff and transforming it.
Still.
Seeing people you love hitting all their walls and being in the pain … so hard.
You wish you could wave the magic wand and make it better. And you can. But they still have to do the work because they are capable, autonomous, sovereign beings and that’s what they came to do.
And you have to be patient and let them do it. With love.
The good stuff
Day 5! Sweet, sweet, sweet Day 5!
Oh, the joyfulness. That beautiful moment of pivot.
When pop pop pop like popcorn they make it through the hard, and the breakthroughs and the realizations start fast and furious.
And we can begin to really have fun.
After all the setting-it-up and all the wax on wax off with the skills they need to know to be able to do the work.
This was the day when they got it. And they were able to use what we had been practicing. Which meant?
We could finally just PLAY.
Penguins on speed! Drunken fairies! Menacing trees! I speak topiary!
The air changed too. The room became light, loose, playful. Full of joy and laughter and silliness. Freedom and spaciousness and love. Even when you know it’s coming, it just feels so good.
The Week of Biggification.
The amazing people.
The hilarity and goofball brilliance. The genius business ideas we launched in the bar.
I’d describe it but I can’t. So will just say that it was an absolutely incredible experience and I feel so fortunate to have been able to facilitate and be part of the making it happen.
Done.
Yay.
Not being sick anymore?
Yes, please.
After all that feeling like crap, it was a truly wonderful thing to be able to walk around and eat and put my attention to things other than “teaching without passing out”.
A beautiful thing, for which I am grateful and appreciative.
Day off.
Spa. Water. Sleep. Repeat.
Heaven.
Changing.
Because I couldn’t teach the way I normally do…
And because I couldn’t invent and be creative due to my brain being mush…
I had to adapt. And while it totally sucked while I was in it, my teaching will be so much better now that I’ve been through the hard of this week.
Not reacting.
To so many things.
But a really great example:
The hotel wanting to charge the hilarious price of $250 for our use of their flip chart. Or the Chip Flart, as I call it.
Normally I’d go into my default patterns of aaaaaaah encroachment and gah they’re trying to push me around, and anger-fear-disappointment-upset-ness.
This time I just smiled and said no, that’s not going to happen. And directed them to talk to my programs coordinator who had the email with the price we had originally agreed to.
There are seventeen hundred other examples but that gives you the sense of it. Though I cannot actually find words to describe how new and exciting this is for me.
A week of mastering detachment in situations where I cannot normally practice it.
That was good.
Roller Derby! Nationals!
A couple of stupid things happened. Like Rose City not being there. Like the BAD girls (Bay Area Derby) losing in the first bout to the Texecutioners. Come on!
But lots of great things happened. Like Texas getting destroyed by Gotham. And then west coast domination, as predicted in the bible by everyone who was at regionals.
There was some beautiful skating. Some great moments. And I didn’t mind not being there, since Chicago in November is cold. Hooray for streaming broadcast.
And … playing live at the meme beach house it’s the Fake Band of the Week!
My brother and I have this thing where we come up with ridiculous band names and then say in this really pretentious, knowing tone, “Oh, well, you know, it’s just one guy.”
This week’s band:
Strawbery Force Fields Forever
Formerly known as Rhubarb Rhubarb and the Rhubarbs.
Which is weird, because it’s just one guy.
And some of the lovely presents that arrived this week.
Actually I can’t tell you what arrived at the Playground because I’m still in Asheville.
But we still got lovely presents.
Including a sock monkey! And a monster pop-up book!
And a Schmurphy.
Oh, and watching my people have outrageously great breakthroughs and mind-melting epiphanies and extreme moments of bing. That was awesome.
That’s it for me …
And yes yes yes, of course you can join in my Friday ritual right here in the comments bit if you feel like it.
Yeah? Anything hard and/or good happen in your week?
And, as always, have a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day and a restful weekend-ing.
And a happy week to come. Shabbat shalom.
Follow
Havi, I’m just so impressed by how you managed to pull of such a big week (of Biggifying!) while so under the weather. It’s something I think about now b/c I won’t just have the luxury of a sick day if I’m scheduled to work with a client and feel like I need to be in bed under the covers. If you ever feel inclined to share about your mental processes that kept you going, I know I’d appreciate it immensely. Right now, I’m pretty sure my mental process if I had to do what you did would be a lot of “shoulds” that just made me resentful and feel worse.
And for my chicken…
the Hard: Getting an email from my ex-boss listing all of the new programs she is starting at her learning center that are basically just the things that I spent four months trying to convince her were important. It felt like such a slap in the face since she looked at me like I was crazy while I worked there. I keep trying to remind myself that my vision for these services is so much bigger and more complete and will ultimately help my students more (and also that I”m a MUCH happier person now that I don’t have to explain my good ideas to a non-sympathetic employer), but the email was like a punch in the gut that really reminded me of how bad the last job was. It makes me sad for my former self that I dealt with that kind of emotional manipulation on a daily basis.
the Good: I keep getting calls from more potential clients! This was my VPA two weeks ago – that the clients would keep coming — and it’s happening! Also, new flannel sheets! Also, I did a much better job of eating healthy meals at home this week and felt so much better for it. Also, while I can’t attend the Great Ducking Out (though I so almost signed up!), I will be making Duck and ducking out from other people’s holidays this year at my house with just a close friend instead. Can’t wait!
I hope all of you had a good week and happy weekend!
– Beth M.
I’m so glad that you’re beginning to feel better! I’ve missed you. Rhubarb!
The hard:
–One of my sweeties has been in a bit of a funk lately. I wanted to fix it, but there was simply no rushing things, nor should there need to be, I know. It just made me feel helpless.
–Iguanas! Iguanas! Eeeek!
The good:
–I got to sing in two fabulous Messiah performances, and bask in my superpowers. I felt positively biggified, and blew a mental kiss to all of you in Asheville!
–Many meaningful moments with my daughter.
–I cooked an impressive dinner last night — risotto! — and received much appreciation.
–Just generally feeling very good about myself this week — my creative, loving, kind-hearted, wacky-witted self!
Wishing everyone a beautiful and blissful weekend…
Havi – I am so sad that you were still feeling the sickness after-effects. Poor thing!
Chicken!
The hard…
– Working on my presentation for tomorrow. Feeling like it will be as dull as dry toast. Associated panicking.
– Watching your adult kids making mistakes is not very much fun. They are awesome, but it makes me sad to see them do things that will make their lives harder later.
– I think I’m getting a cold. That will make presentation and driving long distances at the crack of dawn unpleasant to say the least.
The good…
– Hubby has saved my presentation with gorgeous slides that are visually interesting. He stayed up half the night doing it – I hope he knows how much I appreciate it!
– The discovery that tweetdeck provides features for filtering out tweets that I don’t care about (like four square and various regular chats) is making me deliriously happy.
– Bought some sweaters and coats that fit me. I am officially ready for winter.
Have an awesome weekend!
Oh Havi I am so sorry for all the ugh with the poisoning of food and so totally inspired with the handling of the ugh that you’ve shared that
woah – yes I am with @Beth (the other Beth) that
I would love to have that kind of brain massage.
Yes Havisei I realize this is a power which requires wise wielding. (Sorry I only just watched Kill Bill 2)
The hard
– Not remembering the last however many weeks enough to be able to Chicken them.
– Understanding via a dream last night why that was
– The current living situation and it’s reverberations on my memory
– Remembering that I control my response to the things currently shaking lose but wanting to make the shake out be, go, come differently than it is being, going, coming
– My body thinking that bedtime is 6:30 PM because it is totally and completely dark and therefore the darkness must indicate an accurate bedtime obviously
– The other hard I’ve yet to fully acknowledge
– Not recognizing Day 4 syndrome, because it disguised itself as Week 3 syndrome
The Good
– 12 hour sleeps and the ensuing bursts of energy from them
– The realization that the reverberations, 12 hour sleeps and lapse of previous weeks recalled were preparation for the shaking lose
– Still holding mental space for thinking and acting on “my thing” which has morphed new and interesting ways that are actually fun
– writing a newsletter for five weeks and refining my conditions of satisfaction for making it happen (Thank you Molly Gordon)
– So much more good to mention but it’s gorgeous out and I wanna go count butterflies
May all your Chickens lay healthy eggs.
@Beth the other Beth: Ha, that’s funny. I read your chicken entry last week (I think) and thought: “Oh, Beth. Wait, that’s not Beth!” as if there is only allowed to be one Beth in the entire world.
I’m sorry you are the other Beth around here. I’m sure you’re no less than the first. Yay for all Beths!
I had a week too. It was hard because:
– I was working hard hard hard on Monster Journals. How can a deadline you agreed five weeks before still sneak up on you?
– The boyfriend was soggy and sorry and sad. And I felt prickly and responded coldly. Category: disappointed with self.
– The chips from our prime minister’s axe-wielding exercises are starting to fall, and they’re falling on me and my colleagues in the dayjob. Much uncertainty about job security. Not fun at all.
It was also a good week because of:
– Monster journals, yay! They are beautiful. People like them. All is good.
– Went shopping for swimming gear with the boyfriend. Actual organised exercise is in the offing. This is good for both of us.
– Playing the rediculous and pointless game Fable 3. It’s a great waste of time especially because I can accept myself wanting to play it and only play it when I have time and enjoy when I get to play it all at the same time. That is the sound of a pattern breaking folks.
Hugs to all your hard. For those of you who get a weekend, enjoy it, for those of you who are working, high five!
Chickeneers of the High Seas!
Gosh, it’s been a long time. Hello @havi. Sorry to hear that you weren’t feeling 100% while you were in Asheville.
I have very lovely memories of Asheville, what a beautiful place.
The Hard
Feels too hard to write about. Work, possibly not having work, creates a whole pile of stress.
The hardest – my grandad died last week, this week we had the funeral.
The Good
Grandad’s funeral was the perfect send-off: a humanist ceremony which referenced his politics, his love of cricket, his feminism, his general awesomeness. Felt sad that he and I will never have another chat. Felt grateful for his love, care and influence over the last 38 years.
Wishing you all a peaceful weekend.
Lucy xx
@Willie – shall we set up a support group for those of us waiting for the axe to fall?
Yay for the closing of doors. And sovereignty. And sock monkeys.
My hard: What is, I think, traditionally called writer’s block has been afflicting me with regard to something I really really really want to write. The real issue here is not this so-called block, but how I feel about myself. There’s a lot of work to be done here.
The good: So much of it. Lots of other writing happening, even if it’s not the thing I really really want to be writing. Being able to go through the process of writing, and biggifying slowly and gently. Knowing that I don’t want to biggify explosively or violently. Lots of great connections happening with people. The cleaning of the apartment. Super fun time with my partner. Looking forward to one of my oldest friends coming to visit me in NY for the first time. Homemade bread. Bok choy.
Beth (the other Beth) – completely get how you feel about the email from the ex-boss.
Okay, seriously, it can’t be Friday already, can it?
The Hard:
– that it is Friday, that I have a 8-10 page paper due at 11:30pm and I have NOT started it. I also have to make a site visit for work this afternoon which seriously cuts into time for writing.
– 3 nights of insomnia this week
– No workout the past 2 days
– Not being able to make as much progress on analyzing my research data as my sponsors want.
– Still doing the work of 4 people and I wonder why I miss deadlines?
The Good:
+ less than 2 weeks until the spa escape
+ it is lighter in the morning (I never leave work when it is light so the fact that it is darker in the evening doesn’t phase me)
+ my cats
Hope the weekend is restorative all around!
Havi, welcome almost-home after your epic week of miracles, disasters, plagues and promises fulfilled. Wishing you ease in your re-entry.
The hard and good are all jumbled together this week.
+ Writing has flowed, effortlessly, gorgeously, happily–hooray!
– Being at my desk, writing, is playing havoc with my neck and shoulders–ow!ow!ow!
+ Glorious fall days, sunny, gold, crunch of maple leaves underfoot
followed by…
– Torrents of rain, heavy clouds, fog, bleating, unforgiving cold
And so it goes.
Happy weekend, everyone. Hugs for all that’s hard, and celebrating all that’s good with you.
Love, Hiro
So glad you’re feeling better, Havi. Too bad Mack the Wife can’t just have some nice soup and recover. Bah computer problems.
Other But Certainly No Less Fabulous Beth, Bah rude ex-bosses who send rude emails, YaY you for getting out!!!
Willie, Monster journals? Do tell?
As usual, I’m in that Thank goodness it’s finally Chicken! slash Wait, how is it Chicken again al.read.eee??? spot.
The hard:
— trying to decide if an idea really is crazy and can’t possibly work or if that’s just my Committee of Monsters chattering.
— crunch time at Day Job approacheth. Ugh.
The good:
— have requested Shiva Nata for Pretty Tree Day
— a bit of unsticking regarding organization (or lack thereof) in Day Job office
— possible trip to begin Pretty Tree Day shopping tomorrow – in a great downtown with sparklies from local artists (downside — three hour drive to get there) But sparklies!!!
Happy Weekend everyone!
First would like to say that I’m glad you’re feeling a little better and going home to get lots and lots of rest.
Ok now.
The hard
-Being all fired up full of brilliant ideas but everybody else is moving so damn slow they might be going backwards. People schlumping around like we’re made of money already and don’t need to drum up more business…argggh.
-NOBODY reads my blog. Maybe it sucks.
The good
-I’ve got lots of brilliant ideas.
-Smoothiepalooza continues in my house because we got a fancy-shmancy, way expensive but worth the money super duper put anything in there and whip it up blender!
-My daughter and I learning Brazilian Jiu Jitzu and getting in great shape.
Oh Havi, I’m the one who exchanged messages with your First Mate (you’ll find out) re: I need advice, hoping you will have time to share some with me soon before I burst into flames 🙂
Thank you! And have a fantastic weekend.
Wow. Sorry to hear you’ve been ill and had to teach through it. Thanks for talking about that experience, giving us all some possibility of what it looks like to show up and be there while struggling, health-wise. A middle way! Not force or surrender. All the best as you recover. I’m sure your brain will welcome you with open arms when you’re back on top.
The hard:
–Crabby, resentful, grief-filled housecleaning. Never been tidy or organized and now faced with cleaning and fixing up a house I LOVE in order to sell it so hubby can leave a really bad job scene. Got mean with my three boys. Ugh.
–Spending too much time on the computer instead of being present for my boys. Trying to do it all or escaping from it all. Hoo-boy.
The good:
–Beautiful snow arrived this week, putting boys in snowsuits and watching them sled down the hill.
–Deciding to start my own itty copywriting/biz support business. Grateful I can start small and (hopefully!) not have the pressure of a tsunami startup.
–Realizing I have the power to make a beautiful home.
–My sweet husband, who is making the best of an abusive professional relationship to support the family.
Oh, detatchment for those moments of gah! I’d love to get to that place where the hackles don’t immediately rise and I don’t instantaneously go into super-defensive (and, let’s face it, bitchy) mode.
So, this week’s hard:
– Four book deadlines this week. And a gallery (still) to be restocked. Groceries desperately needed to be bought. The leaves needed to be dealt with. And I am only one person.
– Two really crappy (sales-wise) shows last weekend, one with NO sales and the other with only five (over six-hour period — and I didn’t think to bring any work with me to while away the time, because I almost never have crappy shows like that).
– The zero-sales show ended with a snowstorm. Who had not yet put her snowbrush in the car?
This week’s good;
– Deadline kung-fu!
– A few interesting new projects lined up, including one from a new client.
– Crappy sales last weekend meant I didn’t have to spend any time I didn’t have this week making new stuff for tomorrow’s show.
– Got a chance to chat with some really fun people at Friday’s show, so it wasn’t a total loss.
– I finally admitted our yard is too large to rake by hand and broke down and bought an insanely powerful leafblower. I am perhaps a little too giddy about giving it a try this afternoon.
Happy Friday, chickeneers!
But they still have to do the work because they are capable, autonomous, sovereign beings and that’s what they came to do.
And you have to be patient and let them do it. With love.
SO IMPORTANT. So important. And it’s wonderful to hear someone actually acknowledge this, especially when that someone is in the role of guide and this part is the most important for the guide (to understand and let happen). I really, really appreciate that. Thank you.
Now, chickens! Blue ones. Just ’cause.
The Hard
~ Reading through my personal journal (400 entries!) for the last three years and remembering, even reliving, all the Hard. And there was so much of it, especially this summer and last fall/winter. Ow ow ow ow ow.
~ Waking up badly from naps. And being really tired a lot. (See Good for the other half of this.)
~ Having a moment of I am a total hack of a writer, ironically while holding my self-published book in my hands and re-realizing how freaking cool that is.
~ My partner going through some family-related, money-related, and where-is-my-life-going hard – and all I can do is listen and offer my unconditional support. Which is good, but it never feels like I’m doing enough, even though I know I have to let him work stuff out on his own.
~ Still kind of overpeopled. I’m having to be very particular and careful about the kind of socializing I do, lest I get all AUGH and just walk off.
The Good
~ Pulling a wonky sleep schedule – couple hours of napping, then sleeping between 4 and 8 AM – that felt surprisingly natural and good-for-me. And I got a lot done between naps and sleeps.
~ Pushing my limits in web design and winding up with something that totally doesn’t work for my original idea, but is great for my portfolio to let people know I can do designs that aren’t me. And it’s kind of pretty.
~ A wonderful conversation with a writerfriend that helped me remember my passion and feel better about my skills.
~ My partner constantly encouraging/demanding that I write, not because I “should” but because he wants to keep reading the story! That kind of nagging is awesome (for me).
~ Figuring out where to go and, despite the amount of work involved, feeling like I’m doin’ it right. (And I’ve made a lot of progress on that work, too!)
Not a bad week, though it’s especially blurry due to the weird sleep pattern and the very-tired spats that hit before my naps.
So, so, so glad you’re back, Havi. I think I was starting to go into withdrawal…
Havi,
Glad you are better/healthy. Thanks for the wonderful update. Tell more when you get home!
@Lisa,
Just read your blog, it’s great! I signed up for email updates!
—-
OK, Chicken!
The Hard:
– Keep forgetting to make some family calls I really need to do for a project. Hmm, must be related to the fact that after I make the calls, I’ll have to make some financial decisions I don’t really want to make.
– Annoying talk with a doctor during an appointment; she wouldn’t order a test I want. Conflict of intention and worldview, basically.
The Good:
– Doctor was totally kind and reasonable, didn’t blow me off, kept going until I really understood. (I still don’t agree, but I understand.) Truly professional in the most wonderful sense.
– Continue being very motivated on a declutter project at home. Not following the standard guidance, and no hard deadline to meet, but making progress every evening. Yay! Gotta remember to tell my acupuncturist to keep doing whatever she did last time.
I think I’ll be singing Strawberry Forcefields Forever a lot, from now on <3 <3 <3
So glad you are coming back soon! Was in the neighborhood of the Playground earlier today and sent it some lovely hello vibes. Hooray for feeling better and hooray for the many moments of wonderfulness at your retreat!
xo.
Havi, how awful to be so sick when you had a week of biggifying to do. Glad to hear you’re on the mend and that something good came of it.
@kathleen Risotto! I knew there was something I was craving for dinner tonight…
@lisa I had no idea people’s names linked to their blogs! Wrote yours down and heading over as soon as I…
Chicken!
Hard:
-stoopid argument over stoopid thing with husband-person. he is not talking to me. i know. we’re suddenly 8 years old again. and he’s not really mad at me. he’s mad about something else entirely. fine. whatever.
-sick. and it feels like this one’s going to settle in for an extended stay in my lungs. not happy about that.
-my car needs a headlight. it should be easy, shouldn’t it? for some reason it feels hard this week.
-right when i get totally motivated to do something, something comes up to prevent me from doing it. WTF, universe? it’s a repeating pattern at this point. what can it mean? it would be one thing if i were just wimping out, but the things that come up make it literally impossible for me to do the things i want to do. weird. maybe i need to wait for ripening.
Good:
-i started dyeing my own fiber. i have sunk completely down that wooly rabbit hole. and it’s wonderful there.
-understanding that it’s his stuff, not mine, even tho he really wants to make it about me. it helps. it still hurts, but it helps to know.
-the maple in our back yard is in all its golden glory. total eye candy. as often as i want to look at it. until the leaves all fall off.
-wonderful hike with the secret baboon. (um, that would be the dog.)
-lull time at work means i can be measured and thoughtful this month instead of running around with my hair on fire.
-saw the husband-person play an awesome awesome awesome gig. so proud. still proud. amazing.
@Cherilyn: Hard enough to tend to a house at the best of times. In preparation for leaving it without wanting to? Heartfelt commiserations.
@Lori: Those darn snowbrushes. I always seem to remember that they’re in the house only *after* I’ve belted myself in and started the car running and I’m ten minutes late as it is. [/rueful]
The week that was? Hm. Feels like there wasn’t enough week, and yet the weekend means that my sweetie is here. Also:
Hard
* tail, leg, and foot still not back in bouncing order
* feeling resentful or frustrated at various fails and not-quites
* feeling like I’m both constantly a step behind the step I need to take next, and somehow getting in my own way in the process. Then again, today has been one of those days when even my toaster seems smarter and more efficient than I am.
Good
* Smart and efficient appliances. (The toaster lever won’t engage if it isn’t plugged in. That’s good design, since it means I don’t come back ten minutes later to untoasted bread. Which is a small thing against the great backdrop of the universe, but having toast when I expect there to be toast just makes me that much easier to get along with.)
* Tail is better: I’m no longer turning the air blue every single time I sit down or shift weight.
* Poetry mojo in the house. Not the best timing, but it really is as good as sex when the cylinders are firing full-bore. 😉
* Hosted a dinner. Enjoying my skills/experience in that realm.
* Warm, confidence-bolstering feedback on assorted things that I have. And feeling reasonably confident about my handling of things that aren’t on feedback loops.
* Christmas cacti in bloom in three rooms of my house. Gladness made visible.
Wishing everyone help with their hards, and rejoicing with you in the goods.
Wow. It’s really Friday again isn’t it??? How did that happen?
So glad to hear you’re feeling better Havi!
This week’s hard:
-getting smacked with the shoe of compassion. Or as a friend described it, “a shoe cleverly disguised in imitation compassion leather.” Yeah. That’s it exactly.
This situation has filled my week with ick.
-due to the ick, haven’t really made much progress on other things I was hoping to finish up this week. Frustrating.
The good:
+ Saw an amazing youth orchestra concert. The musicians did a fantastic job and they got to play in a real concert hall. Big fun.
+Short and sweet visit from the in-laws (for said concert.)
+The house is clean (due to visit from in-laws).
+One blog post written, another just about there.
+knitting! Finished a pair of fingerless gloves and now I’m hooked. I have ideas for about 3 more pairs in different yarns, want to put cables on some, etc.
+brought a fountain I made inside for the winter and realized that I’d accidentally made a space for an alter. Haven’t done anything with this yet, but loved noticing that I had created a space for something even if I don’t know what it is yet.
Happy chickening everyone!!
Mmmm I am really ready to end this week by snuggling into my bed and falling asleep. Not because it’s been terribley terrible but it has been loooooooooooooong.
The hard:
– still with the hormones. 6 weeks! Seriously. Enough.
– finding out my brother had an eye cyst. Much worry and sad face.
– unhappy sleeping
The good:
– eye cyst isn’t serious and is getting better quickly
– starting new module
– some crazy writing efficiency
– a novel-related epiphany and writing
– my mum made mushroom tofu pate. With home-made garlic bread = heaven.
– got my cheval mirror. Love.
– internet funs
So, bed, you say? Awesome.
Havi, happy settling back in at home! So impressed by how you dealt with the week despite all the hard.
My hard:
– Feeling so egoistic because I am expected to help babysitting two little Bolivians in the family and I made clear that this is a night that I had planned in for some freelance work and yoga and me-time.
– Interrupted sleep.
The good:
– I heard I can be part of something at work next year that is really important to me.
– Visiting a friend from my childhood days for the first time after 3 years, immediate reconnection.
– Discovering a beautiful, 1 hour long walk to work.
– Writing a letter of gratitude I had been meaning to write for a while.
– An unexpected and very sweet little gesture of thankfulnesss and affection by someone I have been helping a lot lately.
– Giving and receiving.
The Hard:
Weird anxiety moppets coming back thinking they are needed to warn me about the Very Bad Things that might happen. And remind me of the Bad Things that happened a while back.
I miss a boy.
The Good:
Reading aloud to the moppets to let them know they are safe, and that I don’t actually need a warning about Very Bad Things.
My little nephew came to visit and he was so delightful! I was worried that my house was not going to be fun for him, but it turns out that the inside of my cabinets are very exciting and that my sets of bowls are beautiful. We also spent a lot of time at the beach with stormy waves! And Christmas ornaments are just like toys!
A freezer full of happy cow, chicken and pig. Thank you, animals!
A clean clean house. What a joy.
Oodles of yarn waiting for my ideas.
Home this weekend! My second weekend home since the beginning of October. Oh, home!!! I’m putting my traveling shoes in the closet for a while.
My bed!
6 boxes of Stash chai tea that I became rather fond of at a retreat.
The fact that there is so much Good.
This week I kept thinking it was later than it was, even today I thought was Saturday, but that could be because I had to be up at 5:30am.
Hard:
Anxiety over today’s surgery. Thinking part of the anesthesia was a spinal, which I’ve never had.
Weasels in my belly from the surgery. (ow)
Not getting cookies baked for Donkey delivery today. Well, getting cookies baked, and then finding out they were missing a crucial ingredient and so undeliverable to Donkey.
Anxiety over family’s problems. Needing to nurture while needing nurturing myself. Hard.
Flare up from the stress brought on by not getting to nurture myself.
Thinking we were going to be late for the surgery because we hit extremely heavy fog coming off the Ohio River this morning. Didn’t plan for fog.
Good:
There may be a local job for DH when he’s done with classes. Please send good mojo thoughts for us.
No spinal needed, just Michael Jackson’s drug and lots of local anesthetics.
Painkillers finally worked on the angry weasels, and the hospital staff told me I should feel a lot better tomorrow.
Very sweet staff at the hospital.
All the school buses which could’ve been in front of us this morning were on side roads waiting to turn.
I put in some serious studio time this week.
My friend Tricia sent some really sweet gifts with my shoe painting that didn’t sell.
I got to spend a nice morning with my local friend and even got to show him my work in person (finally! been inviting him to local openings for years).
Aisha came home and brought us milk and hung out and watched Doctor Who with us this afternoon because she was worried about me 🙂
Justin’s Maple Almond Butter packs came back into stock at Kroger. 😀
You all (hugs)
It’s Friday. I’m home, finally. Belated chicken!
The hard:
-Thursday did not go as planned starting around noon. I was left with an unfortunate taste in my mouth of disappointment and frustration and exhaustion, and a feeling that I could have done something to prevent it even when I don’t think I could have because much of it was having incorrect information.
-Piles of stuff to deal with after being gone for three days. Hi, weekend. Please don’t actually kill me.
The good:
-Tuesday night, Wednesday and Thursday morning. Pitch perfect. Magic.
-I did a smart thing and took care of myself as best I could through Thursday afternoon. It didn’t save the day, but it did make the day less of a disaster than it could have been.
-Also, I made a dress and finally wore it today. I deem it comfortable and pretty. Hooray!
Hope everyone has a great weekend, and hugs all around.
@lisa – i feel the same way.
“gah they’re trying to push me around, and anger-fear-disappointment-upset-ness.
This time I just smiled and said no, that’s not going to happen. And directed them to talk to my programs coordinator who had the email with the price we had originally agreed to.” – for this i bow to you. rock on.
the hard:
1. the snot faucet on my face dripping down the front of my shirt and me not caring as much as one would hope.
2. parent teacher conferences – anxiety-inducing meetings
3. weird letter from adoption agency with amendments to our contract
the good:
1. hoping this illness is short-lived as my others this school year have been.
2. felt like i listened as much as i talked at conferences and i felt more connected to the families than i ever have.
3. found out we’re “second in line” – which means we could get our referral in the next coulple months and then actually travel to pick up our kiddo this summer.
@Lucy: Yeah, not a bad idea. Waiting for the axe to fall is definitely a group experience. I can see my colleagues all feeding off each other’s anxiety, even though I’m mixed up in the same muddle too. 🙁
@pink: For Monster Journals, click on my name (shh, don’t tell anyone else). Ha ha.
Hurray for day 5. I think i’ve hit that now 🙂
Hope the computer issues are resolved peacefully and yay for not being ill 🙂
The hard stuff
Backtrack
Something happened on Wednesday that led to a complete meltdown. All my old stuff/patterns came up and I didn’t think – i had a drink of wine and comepletely lost the plot. And drank more and more wine as I got more an more upset/caught up.
That didn’t get better until Friday evening.
Worst Presentation
YOu know you have to give a presentation, and you have anightmare where you imagine the worst happens. And you wake up, do the presentation, and it’s not that bad.
Somehow, this WAS as bad.
Really shook me up.
Routine Loss
Like you, I missed my general habits of fruit juice, walks, shivanata, and cathartic writing
Deadlines.
Now I’ve done the presentation, I’ve two weeks before my next deadline – yet i then have three in succession.
I can fully feel the fear now this hurdle is gone. I was able to put it off and focus on this week. Now I can’t.
The good stuff
Day 5
I’m sitting on my gentleman friend’s spare laptop as he games and it’s just good to be myself again.
A week off
No physical deadlines this week. Never a bad thing.
A gig
Seeing Seth Lakeman play in my town with my housemate. His music’s upbeat [not as amazing as Strawbery Force Fields Forever, mind you] and makes me want to dance. It should be good.
Right. Time to take the wheel and check the charts 🙂
Great to see ye all here.
I’m so glad you are feeling better!
For me, it’s been a long week of both good and bad. I don’t think I can really quantify anything until this semester actually ends, though! 🙂
::::kbs
Oof. This week has felt harder than it was. I think I’m about ready to find a spot to hunker down in and in about two weeks this will be true.
The good:
I went zip-lining for the first time, and of course wrote a post about it, as a metaphor.
It was funish. I need to settle into an idea, feel capable, before I can really enjoy whatever it is.
I’ve got a trip scheduled for myself and a friend (it’s a surprise for him, as to where we’re going) at the end of my busy season, right before Christmas.
People are still signing up for Getting Friendly with Social Media, my e-course mini challenge. Still so excited about this!
The hard:
I haven’t been eating at good times, or enough really and I can feel it. Then, when I’m hungry I make stoopid decisions and still won’t eat. Oof.
I’m tired all the time. See above, plus it’s so hot here.
I’m in need of systems and don’t feel capable of designing them at present. I’m pretty sure there’s all kinds of stuck involved with this one. Need to sit down with the stuck soon and have a chat.