While I was teaching in Sacramento last week, I got to do lots of fun Sacramento things.
Like breakfast at Magpie with my Michelle. And Selma. And giant, happy sandwiches. Happy! Sandwiches!
And I dragged some of my clients to the awesome park where there’s an alien spaceship. On a giant pole!
Happy hour.
But the best, as always, was going to Beer’s.
It’s a bookstore. Called Beer’s. They do happy hour, when books are cheaper.
Once a month it’s happy hour all day.
And they have a cat named Raffles who basically owns the place.
If it weren’t for the fact that I live in Portland, home to the unbelievable place that is Powell’s (heaven!), I’d probably never leave.
Anyway.
I bought a Barbara book (that’s Barbara Freaking Sher), because while Barbara is a wise, hilarious lady who is madly adored by me, I haven’t actually read her stuff, outside of the wishcrafting.
She had this brilliant bit about how we put all this pressure on ourselves to declutter.
But it’s all pressure and nothing else, because then we wait for that perfect expanse of unscheduled weekend to make it happen.
Her solution is:
Get rid of ten things. Whenever you happen to remember.
Of course it is.
I love this because it’s so Barbara. She goes right to the practical and the deguiltifying.
And because it’s like what I already do — just one thing.
Except, you know, ten.
Here are my ten.
- The red rainboots that don’t fit and have a hole. Goodbye, rain boots!
- Disgusting fish oil capsules from my acupuncturist that I am never, ever going to take. Goodbye!
- Oh, so many past-expiration-date vitamins.
- Cushions that do not really belong in Hoppy House. They’ll go to the Playground. Bye, cushions! See you soon!
- A gift I didn’t need: to someone else.
- Old, falling-apart slippers from when I still lived in Germany. That is a long time ago.
- Keeping half a box of matzah for sentimental value does not really make sense. Ooh, pasta consolidation too!
- Tea supplies we don’t use: to the Playground where the Rallygators will enjoy them!
- The first ridiculous bottle opener (bless the Tiki Plumber) must stay. We need him. Not so much for bottles as for sheer fabulousness. But the second one? Angry shark can go to the Playground too.
- Yoga mat ties: to a friend.
Noticings!
So much more challenging than I expected.
But also more fun than expected.
The giant permission slip of “just ten for now, not the whole damn house” made it into more of a game.
I can easily see how this could become the best habit ever.
Most surprising to me was how hard it was for me to figure out what things, even though I only needed to find ten of them.
This was both terrifying and tremendously reassuring.
Terrifying.
Mostly because it made something clear:
The narrative in my head about how the house is a disaster and when are you going to take the time to take care of things is obviously and demonstrably false. False and ridiculous.
I have a pile or two that need de-piling, and that’s pretty much it. What?!?!
What a crazy thing to realize. This thing I think to myself at least once a day is not accurate, useful, helpful or relevant to real life.
And reassuring.
Because catching unexamined assumptions and proving them wrong is delightful.
Plus, now if that mythical, magical, empty weekend ever shows up, I can use it for cat-napping.
Play with me?
Ten things or three things or one thing. Or no things. It’s all fine by me.
Thinking about any of this counts.
As always:
We all have our stuff. We’re working on our stuff. We let everyone else have their stuff.
As Paul says, people vary. The only constant is that we’re committed to nonviolent change. And that trumps everything, including the “people-vary” rule.
In other words: whatever works for you is cool, up to the point that it doesn’t involve self-abuse. If we try to change our patterns through hurting ourselves, that is the pattern that needs loving attention.
More on that some other time.
In the meantime, play with me! If you like! What are we keeping, recycling, giving away, saying goodbye to? Noticings welcome.
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You rock, and I needed to read this *right now*. Am going to modify it, but I’m packing to move, which means things need to be either thrown out, put in cases to move, or put in bag for charity shop. And five minutes ago I was kind of having a meltdown about it.
So. Ten things. Just for now.
Oh, this is brilliant. I sent this on to my partner, so maybe together we can get a list of ten things and make some progress on the GIANT PILE OF SHTUFF looming in Spare Oom, and possibly the smaller piles of shtuff lingering on every available surface.
Just ten things. Brilliant, I love it!
My challenge is completing the act of the giveaway. I have a box of giveaway dishes in one spot, and a bag of giveaway clothes in another spot, both waiting to be ushered out of the house, and I wonder what is up with that?
Noticing: it’s way more fun to put stuff in the giveaway box than it is to bring it to the car and drive it to the giveaway place.
Noticing: how safe it feels to be able to take something back when I change my mind. Example: fuzzy socks that I’m eager to get rid of in the summer that have now come back from the giveaway box for winter.
Possible hidden assumptions: that the items I own are/were perfect and if I get rid of them I’ll never re-attain something as awesome; that it’s wasteful to change my mind and purchase a new thing, I should just keep the old stuff; that it’s easier to live with the uncomfortable stack of giveaways-not-given-away than to live with the regret if I make a mistake.
I don’t know if this line of thinking is getting me any closer to achieving giveaway completion, but it’s definitely more interesting than sitting with the shoulds and the guilt and those other monsters!
I just got rid of some things, so I’m going to share things I’ve already send back into the world. Letting things go bit by bit is a nice, freeing yet simple practice, I’ve found.
Some of my things:
-The delicate crystal bowl we never used went to the stoop. It didn’t fit our style, but I’m sure someone is loving it because it’s pretty, and it’s some fancy brand.
-Underwear that was too tight. Goodbye. Realizing that you can get rid of uncomfortable clothes (and not die) was a good thing to learn.
-Emails from a sad time. Emotional weight lifted, space in inbox cleared.
Yay for deguiltified, whenever-you-feel-like-it letting go!
Weeeeee!
I will do this and also walk in snow, it will be majestic. Now for the exit dance stage left…
Very wise, that Barbara Sher. It *is* kind of like a game. I like games.
Bye-bye, Zip drive & pile o’ disks, stinky hand lotion I hate, pile o’ manuscripts from 2009, first digital camera (now on my third), outdated software disks, stuff on the corkboard that I don’t even remember what it’s for anymore, empty cardboard boxes, promo keychain from random real estate agent (do people actually believe those things get them business?), book about physics that I will never read, waxy lip balm, and outdated business cards. That’s just here in the office. (Although, to be fair, I started weeding out the Zip disks and software a few days ago, but they’ve been hanging out on the desk waiting to be finished.)
Tomorrow I think I’ll play in my closet.
Ten things! Why oh why is it easier for me to imagine collecting up the ten things rather than doing the same look-sort-decide-process for fifteen minutes? Is it because I have ten fingers? Because time is a concept while the ten items are concrete things I can hold and feel and see? 🙂
I’ve been doing a variation of this recently — getting rid of stuff, sort of by theme instead of number.
First was wintry scarves and hats I never use.
Second was (sign) … shoes. Yes, beloved shoes. I will miss you, muted-salmon-pink French sling-backs that are torture to wear (and I have a high tolerance for shoe torture).
Next: purses, especially the ones meant for black-tie events that were part of my past career life.
Luckily, we have a thrift shop only about a block away, and they take stuff ALL the time, not just seasonally.
So … yes. Things are getting gone, and it feels freeing.
Oh, I love this post, and I love this approach to de-cluttering. What I’m doing today is playing with the pile of Looming Things that I need/want to do, which is a way of de-cluttering my psyche!
Here’s what I’ve been doing:
1. I started the day feeling sleepy and sluggish. I let myself be in that state for a while. I felt in the grip of one of my oldest and most ever-present monsters, the one I call the Sleep Demon.
2. I wrote in my journal, and began a dialogue with the Sleep Demon (who, I have now learned, sometimes prefers to think of himself as the Beautiful Dreamer). Having the conversation helped me begin to contemplate getting off the couch.
3. I started making a To-Do To-Day list. At first it was becoming a huge unwieldy heap of Shoulds, and getting waaaaay out of control (“How can you not put Being A Good Parent on your list? That has to be there every day or you are a bad person!” “Um, excuse me, but if it’s something I’m working on every day, that means I don’t really have to write it down and get all bent out of shape over it, right? Right??”) so I began paring the list down to things that I truly wanted to do, today. I ended up with eight items, which is usually about as big as I want my to-do to-day lists to ever get. (Eight is enough.)
4. I looked at the list, and said, “Okay, which one next?” Then I chose one item, and approached it using one of the tricks I learned from the Procrastination Dissolve-o-Matic. First item = done.
5. And that is how I plan to get through the rest of my day without tearing my hair out or hiding under the blankets.
Thank you, Havi — for sharing your process, for allowing me to share mine, and for tending this space that is so safe and welcoming and fun.
Okay: I’m off to do the next thing! Whee!
Oh, but wait, first I must add a Very Important Postscript: What if the narrative in my head that says Oh my god there’s too much to do and I have to do it all by myself and I’ll never manage it and everyone will hate me and I’m doomed is also obviously and demonstrably false? Holy… Thank you, as always, for the example, the reminder, and the inspiration.
Oh fun! I have a variation on this game, called “Just One Thing, Each Room.”
This is the game to play when the housework is overwhelming. It involves going into each room of the house and picking up/cleaning one thing. Nothing big. (Like, you know, not cleaning the refrigerator. Not dusting all the furniture. Not putting away an entire basket of laundry.) Just one small thing. Make the bed. Sort the mail. Stuff the random toys back into the tent. (Hooray for the tent for hiding messes!)
But now, with the big holiday extravaganza approaching, I think the 10 things game might be a fun one for the whole family. Little Bird could definitely stand to destash some toys before her supply is replenished…
It was hard to find ten pieces of clutter, until I went to the bookshelf. Goodbye, books that I have never read or read once and can get from the library if I ever decide to re-read. Also, goodbye cute dog bowls that I turned into book-ends when I replaced them with better dog bowls.
And goodbye pumpkin carving implements that I used once years ago and kept in case I ever decided to carve a pumpkin again. (If that day ever comes, it occurs to me that I can use a knife.)
This year I am not doing Christmas cards. And probably I will never do them again. It’s not physical clutter, but it’s emotional clutter, and I don’t need it. But actually, there is a physical element, because I will allow myself to get rid of all the unused cards that I bought for years MEANING to send but never did.
Thanks, that feels much better. 🙂
@ Havi – which Barbara Sher book was it? That sounds unfamiliar so now I am thinking it must be one I haven’t read! which is a nice thought 🙂
I *love* doing decluttering this way. For a while I had ‘six things, every Sunday’ (day-based rituals work quite well for me, and six is a nice number). Now it’s down to ‘have a mooch round collecting things when I remember’. Doing that consistently over the last couple of years has also helped me get better at little things like chucking biros out when I try to write with them and they don’t work (rather than putting them back in the pen-pot), or noticing when things are just lying around being useless.
This week I have mostly been tackling the problem of What To Do With The Old VHS Tapes (a grand saga — charity shops don’t want ’em, council doesn’t recycle, no one else wants ’em). They’re now in three boxes, waiting to be collected by a lovely recycling company on Friday morning, and I am *so* pleased. And I got through the saga of doing that by keep doing just one thing until it was arranged. Easier than I thought.
http://www.shopcat.com
ooh yes the pressure to declutter…
I’d like to get rid of the idea that I SHOULD HAVE WORKED OUT WHAT I’M SUPPOSED TO BE DOING RIGHT NOW.
I’m dumping the idea that I have to produce some perfect xmas cards to my own design – i shall buy some so there !
I shall return the thing in my kitchen which belong to other people
I shall get rid of clothes that are faded
Amd i’m not going to do ten items… you can’t make me…
Oooh, this is a fun game. I’ve already been feeling pretty uplifted with the couple of things I accomplished this morning just during the time I’ve been drinking my coffee. I wonder how fast I can make 10 things happen in my home to make it friendlier when I get back from work…
1. Wipe down the kitchen counters
2. Put away the christmas decoration storage boxes
3. Dishes in dishwasher
4. Clean up forgotten craft project mess
5. Books for library into car
6. Trash out
7. Make bed
8. Dinner in crockpot
9. Email apology for missing appointment
10. Email decline invitation, suggest alternative
Going off to make this happen (and timing myself just to see how long it actually takes)…
Ok, I’m back. About 8 hours later! This was a very interesting exercise. I ended up only being able to complete four of the 10 things (1, 2, 4, 8). And I *was* timing myself, but then I got so engrossed in one of the projects I lost track of time, ended up being late for work (yikes!) and forgot to turn off the timer!
What I noticed: my concept for a “thing” to do is too vast. Clearly, I needed to consider the “dinner in a crockpot” at least four things all by itself (browning meat, chopping a load of vegetables, seasoning the ingredients etc.) Breaking down the small steps into miniscule steps might help me wrap my brain around the effort and time the things I want to do will actually require.
Also, (and more interestingly), I noticed that I got totally engrossed in a project in the exact moment when I didn’t have a lot of time to spend on it. Could it be that I was able to totally engage with the work when I knew I wasn’t signing myself up for a monster, multi-hour affair? That’s certainly interesting and worth keeping an eye on. Perhaps I (master commitment-phobe extraordinaire) struggle with even committing to work on a project unless I can see the escape hatch an hour or so in the future. Perhaps I should find ways to plan my work around scheduled meetings and events – not as deadlines so much as clearly delineated bursts of work.
And, just for the fun of it, I reread the original post and realized the game was how to get 10 things gone, not get 10 things done. I think my mind has been on tasks not clutter and so I reconceptualized the challenge for myself. Still useful and worthwhile 🙂
I molted over the summer. Everything was falling away and I flung the rest of it overboard. By the time I moved to my new space in the fall, I was amazed to find that I had nothing left to shed. No clothes that didn’t fit that could be donated. No food I don’t eat for the food pantry. No random crap to take to the swap pile at the dump. It was odd. But it seems to have lasted for the most part. I’m much more protective of what I let into my space now.
I’m new around here. hello everyone! and just going through the archives and getting to know this lovely scene which feels comfortable and welcoming in all the right ways, especially because you’re a fan of barbara sher. hooray. she made me rethink my dislike of self-help and i share her books with everyone, i’m so happy you’re a fan
okay, going to get started on my ten items now – thanks for the inspiration.
Gone, nonviolently and joyfully:
old makeup i don’t wear (including false eyelashes)
hair on my bathroom floor
my favorite shoes, beyond repair
. . . and a bag of things to donate (t-shirts, scarves, linens, bags)
Yay 🙂
Well. since i’ve just posted a VPA about how I’m home from uni and thus haven’t used anything in this room for 12 weeks and want to purge it… This is an interesting post 🙂
Can I do ten things.. twice a day; if i want to? 🙂
Or just ten things then a cup of tea then ten more and stuff?
Hmm.. maybe I’m over-thinking this; but it sounds fun and i totally want to play 🙂
I’ve definitely got paper stuffs I don’t need – leaflets or out of date vouchers and things I printed but didn’t need and junk mail. And some old jewellery items I set aside last time I was home but never actually got rid of.
Okay. time to play ^_^ -scampers off-
Yay for decluttering! If you guys are feeling all inspired and want to continue with this, join us at the “A Thing A Day” thread on the Unclutterer forum! (And you don’t have to do One Thing Every Day Or Else. We don’t mind.)
http://unclutterer.com/discuss/topic/a-thing-a-day-uncluttering-your-home-one-thing-at-a-time/page/115