Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
So my itty bitty personal ads made me realize that it’s time to make a regular practice of trying to feel okay asking for stuff.
Even when the asking thing feels weird and conflicted.
Ever since I posted the first one asking my perfect house to find me, which united me with Hoppy House, I have been a fan of the madness that is personal ads.
And now it’s my Sunday ritual for clarity and remembering and stuff like that. Yay, ritual!
Let us dooo eeeet.
Thing 1: Oh, to stop feeling like crap. That would be good.
Here’s what I want:
The last teaching trip combined with visit to un-laws really knocked me out.
I am ready to get out of what feels like a permanent state of fog-head and get back to myself.
Ways this could work:
Committing way more … aggressively? intentionally?… to taking care of myself.
Not doing things that are not directly connected to helping me get better.
Seclusion.
Yoga. Slow, inquisitive old Turkish lady yoga.
Doing the Shiva Nata patterns in my head, since my body can’t do them right now. Just being in the bath of patterns.
Also in the real bath.
My commitment.
Taking notes.
Remembering how much this sucks so I can not get myself into this situation next time.
To go to where the water is.
Thing 2: To work on the Book of Me at a slumber party or some other unlikely gathering.
Here’s what I want:
The truth is, the feeling-like-crap was predictable. I did things that went against every single piece of smart advice that belongs in the Book of Me.
I went and broke all the absolutely absolutelies.
I knew what was needed but I either forgot or didn’t take it seriously enough.
So it’s time to revisit the Book of Me. And the dammit list.
And I want to do that in a more formal way. Because if it was easily accessible (like my fabulous Pirate Queen Anthology), I could have consulted it.
Ways this could work:
A Rally! I can throw a special Rally that’s just for working on and assembling the Book of You.
Or fit a Book of You unit into the Week of Destuckification program.
Or a slumber party at the Playground.*
* Not really a slumber party, of course, because my personal Book of Me has way too much accumulated evidence to show that staying up late is a disaster in the making. But a gathering of fun.
My commitment.
To get silly and creative with this.
To use magic markers.
And I can try out Maryann’s Secret Playdate (on Toozday) as the place to start.
Thing 3: Back into my routines.
Here’s what I want:
Now that I’m not traveling, I want back in!
My morning walks and tramping and the various rituals and everything else that falls under the category of here’s-how-we-do-things.
Everything that supports me.
I have missed it so much.
Ways this could work:
Slowly.
Piece by piece.
With love and sweetness, not with guilt or impatience. With creativity and curiosity.
I can remember why each routine became a routine to begin with. I can invent new ones. I can be open to being surprised.
My commitment.
To stay connected to the qualities that these routines and rituals give me:
Support, comfort, trust, reassurance, stability, play.
And to figure out what else I need.
To go at my own pace and see what happens.
Thing 4: Congruence.
Here’s what I want:
This is a Hiro-word.
I’m not sure how to talk about this yet, but I’m in the process of observing my life and my space, and moving out all the things that don’t match. Everything that doesn’t fit.
Ways this could work:
With the magic wand, of course.
I’ll see what it wants to point to.
Or with writing, my usual way. That works too.
My commitment.
To remember that it’s a process. To remember that everything moves. To notice the points where I want things not to move.
And… some tiny VPAs for today!
Here’s what I want today:
A long walk.
Two hours of writing/decorating/attention for the Cultural Tour Guide.
Ways this could work:
I’m committing to it right now, and waiting to see what comes from that.
My commitment.
Experimentation. Observation. Receptivity. Love.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
Let’s see. I wanted a completely ridiculous coatrack or hatstand for the Playground. And we got tons of suggestions from the commenter mice and at the Twitter bar.
So thank you.
There were things that needed brunching (announcing), and I got sick and that didn’t happen. But I have been doing a lot of thinking about how and what and when. Useful.
I wanted to be able to write a thing that I couldn’t write, and big progress has been made on that. Still upset, but I’m writing.
And we had an administrative nightmare that was very nightmarish, but it’s slowly getting sorted, and people have been very patient and understanding about it, so yay.
Comment zen. Here’s what I’d love today.
- Your own personal ads, small or large. Things you’ve asked for. Or are asking for. Or would like to ask for. Or updates on last time!
Stuff I’d rather not have:
- The word “manifest”.
- To be told how I should be asking for things.
- To be judged, psychoanalyzed or given unsolicited advice.
Wishing love and good things for your Very Personal Ads! So glad for everyone doing this with me.
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Ah, VPAs. I love you as much as I love Friday’s Chicken Lunch.
What I want:
To be able to say the word bankruptcy without keeling over in guilt and shame. Bankruptcy. Bank Rupture. Bnkrptcy. Bktcy. Bky. Bikie. Just a process really. A legal process that exists. Papers and such. Filings and what not.
Ways it could work & my commitment: Talk about it with people I know are safe. So that if people who are always all “what?!” about normal stuff make that same exclamation about this I can just be all “yeah, anyway, let’s move on.”
What Else I want:
More clients. More of me setting the right fees for clients. More consistent clients every month.
Ways this could work: keep doing what I do with the addition of the other stuff I’m planning on doing.
What Else I Want:
My left leg to stop hurting.
Ways this could work: I could keep moving and walking and go to yoga tonight.
My commitment: to get my chores done in the next 2.5 hours so that I go to yoga instead of saying “I can’t go, I have to do my Sunday chores.”
I love your commitment to ‘Experimentation. Observation. Receptivity. Love.’ Yayyy – useful words for me to incorporate also. Sorry to hear about the hard though too. Wishing you so much luck traveling back into the routines and rituals that serve you most right now!
I am doing lots of work on this thing, of creating boundaries internally and externally between me and difficult situations that I need to tolerate for the time being. Some days it works really well and some days things get totally underneath my skin and it is really upsetting and it effects me OUTSIDE of the situation itself.
I’d like to remind myself to take one day at a time. That helped last week. It could help me in general as a strategy.
To remind myself that this particular flavour of suck won’t last forever. To trust that I can survive, will not break down, or be crushed – because boy I have come such an unbelievably long way, so who knows what good stuff I may develop internally tomorrow! I have come such a long way.I hope to notice this moment if I can. Maybe blog about this. Give myself time to acknowledge how things are different now from how they once were.
All that said I still yearn for the firming up of my boundaries (energetic or otherwise)because otherwise the next few months are going to be longer and harder than I want them to be.
Ways this could happen
I’m not sure yet.
I could try and remember to dip into Owl Eyes and sink down into my centre.
COntinue to meditate on my journey to work helps hugely – although it is very chaotic kind of meditation it is still awesome, powerful, easy to do!!!
I could play, experiment with other ways to create energy boundaries. I could dance, draw, write, follow my nose since the chances are I have enough information inside of me to develop somehting of my own practice.
I could book in for a tapping session to see if it can help remove any emotional attachment I have to this stuff that lingers in from the past.
Lots and lots of luck pumpkin pie’s with all your VPA’s.
xxxxxxx
This is my first of the askings – thank you for giving us a positive venue!
1 – I have been meaning to make a Courage manual since 1994. I have the paper, the ingredients, and everything I could need. I just don’t start. I want to start.
Ways this could work: Assigning time on a regular basis to work on it. Working on the destuckifying exercises you describe.
My commitment: Taking out the stuff from where it has been boxed away, and at least 2x this week, looking at them and planning and seeing what these actions spawn in me.
2 – I need more time. I am really overwhelmed at all the things I need to do this month.
Ways this could work: Change my perception of time. Stop changing my priorities to match the season’s demands vs. my needs.
My commitment: Sleep. Dream. Breathe. Work on relaxing more.
3 – I need to stop filling the abscesses with food. It’s rotten in there, and it needs lancing and cleaning, but noooo… instead, I eat rather than (write/dance/scream/cry/etcetcetc)
Ways this could work: Find a ranting partner to get it all out. Go back to therapy.
My commitment: start documenting the abscesses rather than lumping them all under the “broken bits what need attention” banner.
Love and more love to everyone here!
What I want: To make some progress on the stuckified pattern that love=worry
Ways it could work:
1. Well, when it starts happening (i.e. I start engaging in thoughts and associated behaviors) I can stop, jump on one foot, and say PATTERN! (note: this might not work in public)
2. I can make a new list – or just one thing – that I’d like love to be instead of worry. Maybe love = empathy. And I can give empathy in that moment instead of worry. Or atleast accept that’s where I am if I can’t.
3. I can bounce my new smiley face ball and remind myself that this is only a pattern and it doesn’t have to be true, even if it feels really true right now.
My commitment:
Breathe. And then breathe some more.
Shiva Nata.
To remind myself that this pattern has been around for awhile so its going to need a little time.
oh, and @seagirl:
Maybe you can call it “bikini roto”. That’s broken bikini in spanish. 😉
What I want #1: To have this persistent chest-cold-mucus on its way and feel well again.
Ways this might work: What Havi said. (See? Saving time/energy by not re-typing.)
My commitment: Extreme self-care TO THE END (i.e., absolute wellness). No more hall passes. More rest. More fluids. Ingestion of items which enable productive coughing, rather than the other kind.
What I want #2: For the outline which needs to be in someone’s inbox by next Monday to stitch itself together in my head, then pour out gently and perfectly on the page.
Ways this might work: Presentation elves hack away in there while I’m sleeping? I download it whole, like Havi’s magical Fluent Self experience? I’m open.
My commitment: Continue to bring some attention to it. Capture thoughts before they flee. Work on #1, so that my mind and body are together enough to deliver by next Saturday.
What I want #3: Most importantly, for Tuesday to go smoothly. For no drama, for everyone to act in the highest interest of all. Peace. Oh, sweet merciful heavens, peace.
Ways this might work: I have no idea. So much of this is out of my control, “terrifying” doesn’t begin to cover it. How about “everyone shows up rested and wanting to act in the highest interest of all?”
My commitment: To come in grounded. To come in prepared with exactly what I want to come away with. To be strong, but kind.
UPDATE (on VPA #66—wow. Been a while!): I honestly can’t remember the details, but as I made all my deadlines, I’m calling it good.
@Lindsay, a mi me gusta bikini roto!
Bikini roto: not fun but sometimes happens when the strings get to short and frayed. No one wants to see you wallowing about in the sand feeling bad about it, so get up and get moving to find a more secure bikini, with perhaps a little more coverage so you’ll be more comfortable.
Havi, I wish for you (and the first mate too) to rest and rest and rest. the luxury of rest is one of the greatest luxuries ever, and so often overlooked. thank you for reminding me to seek it.
#1: WIW: I want this “I’m worth better than this” mantra NOT to dissipate over the Christmas holidays, so that I am still fired up to start solutionizing in January.
WTCW: I can continue talking about it. And daydreaming about how it will be when it’s better.
MC: To make this a quest, to call it “job shopping,” to involve all my friends and accept all of their “i could put your name in at XYZ” offers.
#2 WIW: I also wish for some renewed interest in losing weight. It affects so much of my life!
WTCW: Start reading more healthy living material, to surround myself with ideas. Talk to myself each day about how I feel, and why I would feel better if I made healthier choices. Find time for walking, and take advantage of beautiful weather.
MC: To remember that my health and well being is not less important than everything else on my to-do list. And certainly more important than X-Files re-runs. 🙂
I wanted progress on my secret project and wow, did I get that. In an awesome and unimaginable way. I also wanted help with my industry analysis and I got that too, again in a way I didn’t imagine.
This week we have:
Thing the first: I want to catch up on my uni work, getting everything from this unit finished by next weekend.
How this could happen:
– my internet could start working properly again
– I can schedule in time to do this and recovery time to
My commitment:
– to let my tutor know what is going on
– to rest when I need to
– not to hate myself if it doesn’t go to plan
– to get my planner out
Thing the second: I have a couple of potentially stressful social engagments coming up this week. Tis the season and all that. I want them to be as stress-free and pleasant as possible.
How this could happen:
– I can remember I’m not going to be sent to prison if I leave early/cancel
– Remember my concerns/feelings are valid, even if they aren’t socially acceptable
– they could just be a lot better than I think they’re going to be
My commitment:
– Leave if unbearable and try not to condemn them beforehand as awful
Thing the third: I’m finding ideas for my baby business swirling inside my head. I want more swirling, for ideas to emerge at their own pace.
How this could work:
– dance of shiva
– writing things down
– considering what comes up without preconcieved expectations
– protective cocoon for the ideas to flourish in
My commitment:
– do them! talk to monsters, remember that it doesn’t need to be ready in a week and I don’t have to do everything myself
Thing the fourth: More progress on the secret project…
How this can work:
– I can clarify what I want
– again, my internet can start working properly again so I can actually do it
– keep talking and connecting to/with people
My commitment:
– open mind
– dance on it
– celebrate what I’ve done so far
I almost feel a bit outrageous about taking up so much room to write this. Hoping you all find your perfect solutions.
Wishing for health and wellness and rest to all my fellow VPA-ers. Oh, and much luck on projects!
Very Personal Ad #16
Update on last week!:
Thing 1 was a lot off stuff that ultimately equaled calming the hell down and taking a breather. That happened. And while the hurt didn’t go away how I wanted it to, it was my own fault. More resting is required.
Thing 2 was Christmas, all happy and up and squee. We down-sized our expectations and dreams from “All of Christmas” to “how about something nice in that corner there”. Stress levels fell. Merriment abounded. Christmas is set up.
Thing 3 was safety for my sweet little thing. I think I got that. She’s warm and content and happy just doing her thing right now. A bit skittish, though. The moment a career is mentioned, she starts edging for the fence.
So, this week!
Thing 1: OMG, EASE
What I would like: For the big, scary ending to be a bright, happy beginning. For the hurt feelings to subside. For lots and lots of ease to the nth power, because this is hard enough. For orderliness. For him to take care of the paperwork because it’s a big, scary mountain all alone and I don’t think I’m gonna get past that wall in this lifetime. (Or at least a century.)
Ways this could happen:
I could talk to the male-person.
I could make a list of all the good coming out of this.
I could rest.
Miracles.
I could Look and Listen and Talk as often as I need to.
I could listen to what all of me is wanting rather than shutting it down.
My commitment:
To do what I need to do to keep myself safe during this.
To try and practice all sorts of gentleness, not just with myself.
To not push myself this week and just rest.
To not whine that I hate resting.
To actually Look and Listen and Talk.
To be open to help, and miracles, and guardian angels, and whatever other forces of good are available to me at this time.
As Risa said, thanks for providing this positive venue! <3
1.
Here’s what I want
Tap dancing! More! Better! Fun!
Ways this could work
Keep practicing every day, but without stressing about it.
My commitment
I will NOT judge myself harshly and negatively for not hitting arbitrary goals; as long as I am doing *something* tap-dance related every day, I need to see that I am moving towards my goal.
2.
Here’s what I want
Find a way to get word of my new blog out to the people who need it most.
Ways this could work
Focus focus focus! I need to figure out the FB plan, get friends on board, keep building up content, and finish the audiobook version of Grieving Futures.
My commitment
A little bit of time every day to getting this ramped up. Committing to “going live” and sharing this project with people (BRAVERY! I NEEDS IT!). Positive thinking about my dreams and goals is KEY. MEDITATION.
What I want #1: To finish the music appreciation textbook index tomorrow with a minimum of stress.
Ways this could work: My brain gives a great sigh and focuses down. All of the musical details fall into place.
My commitment: Sit down for good hunks of time. Turn off twitter. Keep breathing. Remember that the index is in fine shape–I just need to edit it.
What I want #2: My trip to help my dad in hospital/nursing care/rehab goes smoothly. I am able to be present and help him and also take care of myself. I am able to set boundaries.
Ways this could work: A clear decision gets made tomorrow about what’s happening with him next. He starts listening to the doctors. Travel details fall into place.
My commitment: Keep meditating/centering through the trip. Remember sovereignty and my own needs. Take journaling materials. Drop in here every day. Move deeper than frustration to my love for my daddy. Take his favorite music on the ipod.
Hmmm…what. do. I want…
#1 I’ll order the “Stop feeling like crap” as well. That sounds really good.
My commitment: Green juice every morning, salad for lunch, play with my pedometer app and stop beating myself up for any less than stellar decisions.
#2 I’ll also have a side of “Prancing Hippo”
My commitment: Create a storyboard for the twirl and big finish, have my husband film me prancing and then block out the key drawings. Stick figures are acceptable in this phase if necessary.
#3 And to finish off I’ll have a sweet piece of “My first monkey launches and dazzles onlookers everywhere”. Mmmmm. Delicious.
My commitment: To respect the soft launch to get the kinks worked out. Then tell everybody I know who will appreciate it + tell me what they really think. Remember that it’s just all useful information.
Thing 1: I have one more week of the day job busies then vacation. I’d like to get as much done as possible with comfort and ease. More with the focused and less with the rushed.
Ways this could happen: Awareness and Presence of mind. Letting go when necessary and observation if that fails.
Commitments: Getting up at a reasonable hour and finding out what lies ahead as soon as possible.
Keeping lists in my pretty sticky notes, since pretty keeps me calm
Seeing what happens next.
Thing 2: Thing two is an extension of last week’s thing one. Things with the ex are good and relatively easeful. Not all the discussions need to be had have been had, but talking has been happening. I’d like the talking and ease to continue.
Ways this could happen: Just keep going.
Commitments: (Same as before) To be open to what comes up.
To act rather than react when possible and when it’s not, to observe the reaction.
Update on last week’s VPA: I made a lot of progress, both with the thing I was overtly asking for and the Seekrit Underlying Thing that I was covertly asking for. I’m very grateful for that.
This week’s ask: A passage out of overwhelm.
Here’s what I want:
I want to feel strong, steady, and sovereign. I want to let go of tension, do my iguana wrangling with grace and gentleness, and still allow myself plenty of time for daily rest.
How this can happen:
I can remember that I have a lot of cool strategies to use, and then I can use them, playfully. If the people close to me start getting loud and anxious and critical, I can tell them that I am doing my best, and let them know what they can do to help me (hint: it isn’t getting loud and anxious and critical). I can take notes on what helps — what kinds of rituals, what kinds of self-talk, what kinds of rewards — and then put what works best and feels best into practice.
My commitment:
I will honor the practices that I already know are helpful and inspiring: morning pages, artist dates, Shiva Nata. If I begin to feel overwhelmed and anxious, I will stop and take care of myself before going further.
Just call me Dances With Iguanas!
Havi, I hope you feel better soon. xx
big, warm hugs to all VPAers
this week’s:
Thing #1
recover, rest, explore what happened to me and the wedding related issues.
ways:
-notice, write, patience
commitment:
-the above…
Thing #2
work in my relationship with my dog. i know she is trying, but she is so full of beans and energy, and keeps bitting me and going all “Milo”
ways:
-be more recetptive to her needs, make a little effort in playing with her, going for walks, and help her and me enjoy all that wonderfull energy
-be home more, and make it beautiful, so that she knows there is a loving space for her and me
-accept that oh lord she is a lot of work, and i commited to it when i received her
commitment
-love her, not be so hard on myself, and when i notice pattern/her needs/ wants to play, do something about it. go do!
Thing #3
-go on short holiday to the beach. i need it.
ways:
-organise it with a little time,
-find someone to go, or just alone.
-find out if i can take my dog or find a nice place for her to stay
-work on the money issues
commitment
-just go, i know i need it, it is in my book of me, dammit list, and i so want to.
-hope, trust and super ninja skills to overcome any difficulties that will come in the way.
Progress on last week’s VPA
-wedding: had a great time, really fantastic time. danced, felt really loved by my family and parents friends, all good.
-fix stuff in my house: 1 done, 4 to go, yay!
-hurt: still working on it
-super cool job: probably got it. that was unbelievably good timing. rock on vpaing!
have a fantastic week, don’t go crazy shopping!
hugs
Firstly, big hugs to everyone!!
As for a progress report, last week I asked for productivity in the quiet week.
Well. my week switched from quiet to hectic – so i guess it was productive? I did manage to keep in the flow at least, so i guess that’s a big tick.
Thing 1: Routine.
Here’s what I want:
I’m home from University. Twice this week I trained up to London and back. I went to a conference and a gig. I lost so much sleep and ate too much food.
I want to do daily yoga/shivanata. I want to dance.
To light incense.
Ways this could work:
Putting dancey music in my playlist.
Put a reminder on my wall.
Do yoga on the wii
My commitment.
To eat some form of fruit a day – to keep my energy levels up.
To play a bit too; this is my holiday from Uni.
Thing 2: Simplicity.
Here’s what I want:
I’m home from University. I haven’t used anything in this room for 12 weeks.
Nows the perfect time to purge and clean then.
Except I say that every year… and very little happens.
So let’s VPA it!
Ways this could work:
Putting dancey music in my playlist, so I’m up and about.
Take little parts at a time.
Using the resources I have – love the room kit and such.
My commitment.
To let myself feel emotions
To remember that it’s ALWAYS HARD to let go of things.
To be gentle
Thing 3: Balance.
Here’s what I want:
I’m home from University. I’ve got two exams in summer – one i’ve now finished the course for. I need to revise.
I’ve 7,500 words due in when I return. I need to do them. That’s 4 bits of work.
Yet, this is my holiday. I need a lot of sleep. I need to rest, to relax my tightened muscles. To gentle massage my neck.
Ways this could work:
Read my book for an hour a day; after each hard task, I get a chapter or so to read.
Tea.
Fruit to keep me motivated?
Remembering nothing will be gained by waiting. I’ve finished all the courses. I’ve got all the info i’ll be getting for it.
My commitment.
To read a variety of books
To switch between tasks so I don’t go crazy
To be patient and kind to myself.
Good luck for all the VPAers out there 🙂
Oh geez. Well, it’s my birthday…..
My wish? To heal. Fast. To be able to view and feel that my decision (three days before my birthday) to make my love, a former love as a gift. I know in my head that he was asking for things that would violate my self-respect and integrity if I gave them to him. Still,,,,,I’m sad and disappointed because this is his pattern of fear of closeness and PTSD and and and…. and I had hoped for more for both of us.
Ways this could work: No clue.
My commitment: To try to get some sleep and to take better care of myself than I have been the past couple of weeks.
I appear to be unable to stay on a regular VPA schedule these days…so I am LATE. but here.
@Mari: good luck. @Havi: hope you feel better!
Me:
I am opening new doors. I am moving right along. Some doors have slammed shut, some are closed but not latched, but apparently I’ve been living under a huge-freaking-skylight and never thought to see if it opened.
It opens. Ohboylightandair.
And a little giddiness.
VPAs this week:
1) I am getting a training I have wanted since I was…oh, fifteen, maybe 18. I’d like to avoid going in debt for it. So I’m preselling. I’m also opening more client slots for coaching. My ask: for people who want massages in the spring and people who are ready for coaching to be inspired/led/magically whispered to find me.
How this could work: I could meet people who need me. I could tell people about it. Other people could meet people and tell THEM. I could write something that makes people feel more ease.
My commitment: to not be TOO patient. To say more. To ask for referrals. To think about writing another side-topic post like my last one. Or maybe actually write one and not just think about it. And to launch my Thing, even with only half the astronaut reports in.
2) House! I still have one. Sweet, notsobig, coastofMaine. Hand built. Water access. 7 acres, good price. Just…extra in my life. But not in yours. Ask: that the Right Person find me and my house.
How this could work: not sure yet.
My commitment: to stay open. To move my things.
3) ease and grace: many changes in life. Wanted, ease and grace around transition and new people and money and stuff.
How this could work: patience. ShivaNata. Showers. Doing the Next Right Thing.
My commitment: to cut everyone some slack and try not to get stuck. To work with my various crews to stay unstuck. To make lists so things don’t get dropped.
As Risa said, thanks for providing this positive venue! <3 1. Here's what I want Tap dancing! More! Better! Fun! Ways this could work Keep practicing every day, but without stressing about it. My commitment I will NOT judge myself harshly and negatively for not hitting arbitrary goals; as long as I am doing *something* tap-dance related every day, I need to see that I am moving towards my goal. 2. Here's what I want Find a way to get word of my new blog out to the people who need it most. Ways this could work Focus focus focus! I need to figure out the FB plan, get friends on board, keep building up content, and finish the audiobook version of Grieving Futures. My commitment A little bit of time every day to getting this ramped up. Committing to "going live" and sharing this project with people (BRAVERY! I NEEDS IT!). Positive thinking about my dreams and goals is KEY. MEDITATION.