Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
So my itty bitty personal ads made me realize that it’s time to make a regular practice of trying to feel okay asking for stuff.
Even when the asking thing feels weird and conflicted.
Ever since I posted the first one asking my perfect house to find me, which united me with Hoppy House, I have been a fan of the madness that is personal ads.
And now it’s my Sunday ritual for clarity and remembering and stuff like that. Yay, ritual!
Let us dooo eeeet.
Because we already did Seventy Six Trombones, and hardly anyone got it then either. Poor me. I guess it’s on to spirit of jokes.
Anyway. Sunday. Very Personal Ads. And you know what? Ever since the post on gwishes (things that are not goals and not wishes), I have been overflowing with things to gwish for.
Very interesting. Let’s see if some of them turn into VPAs.
Thing 1: A word.
Here’s what I want:
I need a word for a thing that’s not as boring/stressful a project and not as big as a mission.
Something that breaks down into components. Something that is an adventure.
Ways this could work:
Talking to metaphor mouse, of course.
Figuring out what some of the elements are. So far I have:
[+cycle] [+swift] [+made of pieces] [+sequence] [+series] [+fun] [+experiment] [+shivanautical]
Could it be part of a voyage? A passage? Crusade?
My commitment.
Do lots of Shiva Nata until it comes to me. And then share it with you, of course.
Thing 2: The great Desk Switcheroo!
Here’s what I want:
I need someone (either an organization or two-three very strong persons) to come take three giant metal desks we have at the Playground.
And then I need to find two new desks and a small table to replace them.
These should be lower to the ground, made of wood, easy to move around.
Ways this could work:
Not sure.
I’ll put it out here first and then see what happens.
Maybe Dana will have an idea.
My commitment.
To keep wishing. To stay with what I know is congruent for the kind of space and culture I’m trying to build.
To be creative with this.
To remain receptive to a wide variety of ways that this could work out.
Thing 3: A schedule that has my best interests at heart.
Here’s what I want:
I keep getting stalled on my 2011 schedule. And I’m pretty sure I know why.
My 2010 schedule was created in direct response to the chaos of 2009, and it had two goals: a) have enough Pirate Queen Holidays built in so as to avoid the disaster that is Emergency Vacation, and b) have crazy fun.
It worked. Until the last quarter.
This year’s schedule needs to be about my big Thing-That-Is-Not-A-Project, and how I’m going to take care of myself while in that process.
Ways this could work:
I need to do this at the Playground.
With magic markers and music and skipping around the room.
I need to talk to slightly future me and ask for advice.
My commitment.
Curiosity, play, wonder, trust.
To ask as many questions as possible.
To remember that building a year around what I need instead of what I think the business needs, while admittedly kind of subversive, is actually a smart move. And to have the balls to just go with that.
Thing 4: Seclusion.
Here’s what I want:
I need some time to myself.
A little hibernation. A retreat for meeeeeeeee.
Ways this could work:
Hide out at the Playground.
Build a blanket fort!
Wander.
Write.
Avoid.
My commitment.
To say no to whatever needs saying no to.
To say yes to whatever needs saying yes to.
To trust myself when I’m not sure.
And… some tiny VPAs for today!
Here’s what I want today:
A repeat of last week’s asks, which were somehow the exact right thing.
A long walk.
Two hours of writing/decorating/attention for the Cultural Tour Guide.
Ways this could work:
I’m committing to it right now, and waiting to see what comes from that.
My commitment.
Experimentation. Observation. Receptivity. Love.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
Let’s see. I wanted to stop feeling like crap. That took most of the week, to be honest. But yesterday I was able to bounce again.
Then I wanted to make progress on a Book of You Slumber Party, and I’m pretty excited about that. We’ll be doing a special Rally for that, and I’m going to build it into one of the days of the Week of Destuckification.
I wanted back into my routines, and it happened. Piece by piece. It was useful to see how grounding and supportive it is just to know when everything is again. We even made progress on the new Shiva Nata manual, which has now turned into this.
And I wanted congruence, which has kind of been my theme for the week. Not sure if I’d say that it’s happening, but I’m paying attention. It’s a good place to start.
Comment zen. Here’s what I’d love today.
- Your own personal ads, small or large. Things you’ve asked for. Or are asking for. Or would like to ask for. Or updates on last time!
Stuff I’d rather not have:
- The word “manifest”.
- To be told how I should be asking for things.
- To be judged, psychoanalyzed or given unsolicited advice.
Wishing love and good things for your Very Personal Ads! So glad for everyone doing this with me.
Follow
A quest? A “questade”?
(seems feasible for a Pirate ship, whereas “crusade” evokes an intent to fight for supremacy with a host of those with a different vocabulary for Things That Matter)
De-lurking after three months: hello from France!
I get the 76 trombone reference – guess you have to like old musicals.
Wanting:
* to get required writing done without much (more) avoidance.
How:
Remind myself that it goes easily once I get started.
Sit down and do eeet.
My commitment: Do shivanata before writing.
Wanting:
* to do more on personal writing project during time off from work
How: Remember how much fun it is to do the collagging part and also that no one has to see it if I don”t want them too.
My commitment: Do shivanata before writing and have tea party with the monsters who are already whispering in my ear that I’ll be wasting my vacation time doing something that isn’t going to come out good. But they are v e r y
interested in a tea party……
How do you know what’s going on in my head before I do?
I have something I want to do, and now I’ve started referring to it as a playdate. That’s way more fun than a project. I don’t think I would ever have thought about renaming things without reading this blog. Aaaah – the power of words.
Last week I sat on the floor and colored. I’m 61. It was more fun than anything I’ve done in a long time. So my wish for this week is more playtime!
In the video game world, the name of something that is smaller than a project or a mission is either:
Mini-game
Mini-quest
Side quest
Steal from them! They also have other fun terms like “leveling up” and “beating the final boss.” 🙂
Want: To fully commit myself to creating my freelance writing business.
How: Take a few hours each day to write. Match up those pieces to potential markets. Learn to write a fabulous query letter. But mostly, I need to write.
My Commitment: Again, writing. However I’m stuck in this land of avoidance. I’ve spent days procrastinating, simply because this means SO MUCH to me; the idea of taking on this huge productive change in my life makes me want to retch (no, seriously). So, I must write.
Ways This Can Work: Do some quality Shiva Nata. Try not to feel like a simple rough draft can either make or end me. Maybe I should try to think of it more as play? Maybe I’ll inhabit another personality within myself. A story shaman to put at the front of the V.
Hmm. Last time I wanted bikini roto freedom. Working on that. I had a dream last night that appeared to be my mind working out money guilt – I dreamed that I had stolen some things but was riding my bike back to return them and woke up before I could. Then I dreamed my yoga teacher was trying to pressure me into buying a tiny bottle of lotion for $99 because it would make my legs smoother.
I also wanted clients, and I got a couple of new ones that are lovely. And that gave me credit cards or checks, so I’m going to keep that add posted.
I also wanted my left leg to stop hurting. I went to yoga that night and it helped and over the next couple of days the shooting pain stopped. And I’ve kept up the daily moving and stretching.
This week I want:
A productive and fun Retreat tomorrow at work! Or should we call it a Reloading?
A peaceful merry Christmas. With awesome presents of course.
For the universe to conspire to find me love, and let me know when he’s around.
For some of the money issues to resolve themselves quietly and without my direct intervention.
For my friend to email and say “i’m better, let’s go have wine tonight!”
want: to stop feeling like crap, and for my voice to come back good as new (so I can stop feeling trepidatious about scheduling voice work, also so I can go back to practicing music, which is fun and lovely)
how:
shake off this cold/detox thingie, so I can stop coughing, so throat can rest
stop talking/singing when unnecessary
play cello more instead of singing
do more energy clearing
ways this can work/commitment:
really commit to eating and sleeping well.
also, resting a lot more.
also, the energy clearing, do it once a day minimum
@Lynn,
Coloring, yay!
Feels great at our age, yes?!!
Here’s what I want:
1. For the Shiva Nata DVD to arrive before I leave for the holiday. To keep practicing the hand positions til the DVD arrives. And for the new DVD player to work the first time I try it.
How it could happen:
I could keep practicing and reading the Shiva Nata blogs and manual.
I could do hand positions before reading the instructions and hooking up the machine to my TV.
Commitment: To keep learning the basic hand positions. To practice the hand positions for at least five minutes before the DVD tryout including invocation and meditation.
2. To get the remaining Christmas shopping done without hassle and to find great gifts for everyone.
How this could happen: I could figure out which gifts I already have for whom. I could shop locally instead of driving to the mall. I could offer event gifts to be arranged in the future.
Commitment:
To make a list of giftees and gifts when I get home tonight.
To wrap all presents before noon on Christmas Eve.
To thank my shopping and planning monsters for all their assistance in the past and to promise them it will be OK if the list and the gifts aren’t PERFECT.
Made good progress on last week’s VPA: A Passage Out of Overwhelm. Still feeling overwhelmed at times, but finding fresh ways of coping with it, and feeling generally better.
This week’s ask is about a different (and probably related) internal shift.
What I want: To interact with my family and friends during this holiday week in ways that don’t leave me feeling bad about myself. To be calm, kind, and caring, towards myself as well as the people around me. To build and maintain boundaries that support this.
How this can happen:
–Emergency Calming Techniques.
–Time alone each day.
–Time working and playing with Hiro’s beautiful meditation: Creating the Home of Your Heart.
My commitment:
–I will not expect to be perfect.
–When I find myself having trouble, I will stop, and take a conscious action to help myself.
–Although I may ask for help from others, I will accept responsibility for taking care of my own feelings and needs. I will be my own rescuer, my own caregiver.
Waving my magic wand for everyone’s VPAs this week. Love!
Mission… Expedition? I’m seeing the desert (dessert?) with camels, giant spy glasses, a compass and a massive roll of paper (giant post-it notes? you know how I love them) to map out the cycles and sequences for the whole adventure. And there are sherpas (ok now we’re in the Himalayas) to carry things and set up tents (tent forts) and cooks and every kind of helper imaginable including the It’s Time To Rest You Get Some Of Your Best Ideas There helper.
😉
Last week I wanted to get caught up with uni work. I’m still behind and not as caught up as I want to be, but I’ve also done quite a lot. I wanted ease with two social events I was a bit dubious about – cancelled one as I felt awful, and left the other half-way through. The ill is still with me, and as result they was no energy left to work with the other projects.
The first: I want to be better.
How this could work:
– the virus could decide it’s had it’s fun with me and move on
– rest
– healthy food
My commitment:
– listen to what my body is asking for (like a nap after I’ve done this)
– patience. Or at least the attempt to be patient.
The second: Catch up! By Tuesday evening I would like to be caught up with my uni work.
How this could work:
– I could wake up tomorrow feeling better
– A little bit at a time
My commitment:
– Not to drive myself to exhaustion doing this
– To remember that getting better is more important right now
– To cut myself some slack
Oh, yes. I feel ya on that last one. Aloneness. Seclusion. Oooooooh.
So!
VPA #17
Update on last week!:
I asked for ease. I got it. We’re both taking our new roles in each others life well. And while the transition has its hiccups, we’re taking the days and the difficulties one at a time. Steps are being made and jumps/falls avoided. It’s good.
This week!:
Thing 1: Rituals
What I would like: Ease in creating rituals. There are a lot of things I’d like to be doing and learning, and I just can’t keep up with them all.
Ways this could happen:
I could Look and Listen and Talk to it.
Shiva Nata.
Roll, twirl, and dance until a solution comes.
Make and keep a list to help me remember them all.
Find out if I really need all of them.
My commitment:
To rest as much as I need.
To not push the answers to come ’til they’re ready.
To not let icky resistance block me.
Thing 2: Rest
What I would like: For my brain to stop demanding that I intake everything as work-related. For my brain to accept the idea of ease.
Ways this could work:
Miracles.
Really, I have no idea.
I could make a clear time for when “work” stops.
I could take good notes on my ideas so that my brain doesn’t feel compelled to memorize it all.
I could come up with prompts so that my brain will trust itself to just enjoy what we are doing.
My commitment:
To have a Talk with the panicking women about this. (I don’t have anything so cute as monsters. I have a whole cadre of wailing, crying, panicking women.)
To rest.
To take lots of hot baths.
To take breaks.
To not be disappointed if it doesn’t resolve itself immediately.
Thing 3: Separation
What I would like: Continuing ease in this very weird, very heavy time.
Ways this could happen:
The Artist’s Way could provide a good jumping ground for me to get back in touch with what I want and need.
He could be awesome and helpy.
We could jointly decide not to push what’s not willing to go.
My commitment:
To keep talking to him.
To keep gentleness in the front of mind.
To be patient with this whole thing.
Last Week’s Update:
#1: I wanted to continue to be fired up about getting a new job, even over the holidays. So far, so good! The more I state it publicly, the more support I’ve gotten.
#2 WIW: I also wished for renewed interest in weight loss. It’s definitely been on my mind all week, and I’ve been making somewhat better choices.
This Week:
#1 WIW: To not be grumpy-because-i’m-out-of-my-environment while I’m home for Christmas. It happens every year, and it’s not fair to my family. Also, they don’t realize I’m not just always like that, lol.
WTCW: Bring tea, bring my laptop, bring music. Create similarities.
MC: To listen to what I’m saying and if I sound grumpy..refocus. Also, to excuse myself from any conversation or gathering that makes my blood pressure rise.
#2 WIW: To get an INCREDIBLE amount of things done today.
WTCW: I could get out of my pjs, now. I could make a scheduled to-do list. I could put on loud music. I could drink a lot of coffee.
MC: I’m conflicted between “get it all done” and “not beat myself up if it doesn’t get done.” So I’m all miss waffles today.
Now I have the 76 Trombones song in my head. It makes me want to stomp around the house, singing and beating an imaginary drum. But first, I must write a VPA.
What I want:
An easy way to include meat in my weekly diet, especially red meat. I don’t love buying it and I don’t love cooking it and I like to avoid it in general. At the same time, I need to trust that my body wouldn’t ask for it if it weren’t important (and if I were to be perfectly honest, I know that this is true by how I feel with/without it even though I have ignored this for years and years and years).
Ways this could happen:
I could be filled with the love of meat. Hee.
I could check out the deli at New Seasons.
I could spend less in another area so that I can spend more at the grocery store.
I could trust that the more I cook it, the more I will enjoy cooking it.
My commitment:
I will experiment – with curiosity and humor.
I will also stop thinking of my body as against me because I could happily be vegetarian while it most definitely could not.
What I also want:
A few lovely people who are right for my Festival.
Ways this could happen:
I’m not entirely sure at the moment, so — magic!
My commitment:
I will love and adore the lovely people I already have.
I will do some dancing and writing about it this week.
Havi – your blog is starting to feel like a little haven, where I can come to play, gwish and to know that life is indeed wonderful again. Thank you for that!
So in that spirit, I want to join in with a VPA of my own this week. 🙂
Here’s what I want:
Last week felt so blah and like I was just killing time until the week was over. I don’t like feeling that way when I have so much opportunity to create the life I want, with a perfect average day that inspires me to jump out of bed each morning…
I want this week to be different, to be full of life and inspiration. I want to get out of bed each morning before the alarm goes off and I want to be excited to create, do, be and build all kinds of wonderful pieces of my business.
I want to be clear and focused, to know exactly what I want to get done to move forward and then to have the anticipation and excitement to dive in and do it just for the sheer joy of doing it.
And I want to end each day of this week feeling like it was a grand adventure, that I did all that I meant to do and made the best and most fun use of my time that day.
Ways this could work:
I need to build more FUN into each day. I think the Secret Play Date will be a good tool for helping with that this week.
I must be clear on what I want to accomplish (and why!) and each step that I need to take to get there during the week.
I need to schedule in time out of the office – go work at a coffee shop for a couple of afternoons, or just out for a walk in the snow.
My commitment:
To plan and do something fun each day, something I can look forward to.
To think outside the box and looks for ways to be more productive. To have fun with it, instead of trying to fit myself into the traditional ways of being productive – to look for new angles and strategies.
To participate in the Secret Play Date.
Now I have 76 Trombones stuck in my head. But the town in that River City is based on is quite near where my dad grew up, and we visit that area regularly, so maybe I’m brainwashed?
Anyway, I have a VPA this week. Which really VPAs for the next two weeks.
Thing I need: a Little Christmas (Eve and Day, and Sister’s Birthday and Grandma’s Birthday and New Year’s Eve and Day, and Send-Off for Little Brother’s Abroad Trip).
The gory details: I love Christmas, and to some extent I also love the enormous holiday season that descends upon my family at the end of December. I really do. But this year, I want to not be exhausted. I want to have fun. I want to have time to see a couple of my own friends without guilt. I want to stay me and not feel swept away by the whole thing. I want it to not feel so enormous.
Ways this could work: I could beg my aunt to not go shopping for knickknacks, if she ever answers her phone. I could use my long travel time on Tuesday to stock up on some sleep and also plan out what needs to be made and what would could be skipped. I could convince little brother to help, or at least do his own packing. I could accept that not everything is going to go the way I’d like, and try to make sure that I have an escape plan if I need one (will start with borrowing a car). I could delegate things that I don’t care about, like planning dinner menus.
My commitment: To be inspired that if a friend’s three-year-old can be smart enough to go take a break before she has a meltdown, so can I. To breathe. To keep track of the things I truly care about and the things I don’t care about so much. And to try very hard to get enough sleep.
Luck for everyone’s VPAs!
Yeah. Mid-Century musical references are trouble, with a capital “T.”
strong>What I want #1: For the outline which needs to be in someone’s inbox by
next MondayTOMORROW to stitch itself together in my head, then pour out gently and perfectly on the page.Ways this might work: No idea. I leave it to my Wim Wender hidden angel. He’s a handsome mother—looks just like Bruno.
My commitment: To breathe. To steer any rising panic toward something useful. To trust. To work, slowly and deliberately and with joy and wonder.
What I want #2: To finish getting well—in fact, to feel even better than I ever, ever have by the end of the week. (Why not? Merry Christmas to me!)
Ways this might work: My new magic crystal from Ojai continues to work its rather potent voodoo. Uh…something-something else.
My commitment: Continue to take care of myself. Continue to patrol my borders. Hot baths. Rest. As many “no, thank you!”s as necessary. Possibly some dog time, and a few eps. of Mad Men. They always seem to set me up nicely. It would also be awesome if it continued to rain like this. Holiday quiet + downpour = HEAVEN.
UPDATE (on VPA #75): Hot DAMN, some nice stuff. Finally feeling humanoid again, and my big, scary, emotional meeting resolved itself perfectly. I say this bodes well for the final item, which got bumped to #1 this week.
Thank you, Havi! Thank you, one and all!
Gwishes are awesome. And don’t make me bashful like VPAs tend to… because VPAs are *too* personal?
My VPA-ish gwish: work online and offline with my gwish that got started a year ago, hibernates for most of the year, and is now waking up again and wants to bloom before 2011 starts. Make this work more like play and service.
P.S. Also, am I the only one who clicked on the link and is freaking out about the awesomeness of the Shivanautical Union arriving in March? *bounce bounce bounce*
Hi Havi,
Wishing everyone success with their VPA’s!
1. I’m moving to different state in the next 2 weeks so I’m asking for an easy and hassle free move.
Need to be packed and ready before New Year’s eve.
How it can be easy… Continue doing a little at a time backing a few boxes here and there seems like it would feel easier.
I could just know it will get done, drink calming tea and ask for help as needed.
We have lots of stuff to give away (did I mention downsizing?)so people in need could let me know and take it away!
2. Once we move I will be giving up my car for a bike, walking and public transport. Yikes! I’m feeling slightly nervous.
I’m asking for this to be an easy and fun transition.
And hoping to get in shape too.
I am open for any way this can be easy. I’ll keep drinking relaxing tea. Some right people could show up as connections and even new friends.
Well thanks for the space to ask.
Aaahhh…this is starting to feel like a ritual.
1) What I want: To get well.
How it could happen: the virus realizes that its at the end of its cycle and goes to sleep
My commitment: Lots of sleep, good food, lots of sleep, not going to things (even things I want to go to), lots of sleep
2) What I want: To enjoy this Solstice/Christmas with ease. Second Christmas without lost adult daughter, so not easy to find that ease.
How it could happen: Attention, awareness, and communication with my partner about the plans we’ve put in place to avoid last year’s despair/depression. Enjoy the gift process and remember that we’ve made it very simple this year.
My commitment: To keep breathing. To move one step at a time. One little gift at a time.
Reports on last week’s VPAs:
Yay, index got done in plenty of time even though I was sick. Listening to the appropriate classical music for each chapter of the music appreciation book helped a lot.
Trip to my dad, wow. Surprising absence of monsters. I was really there for him, and I got on a deeper level that I was able to do that because I also took care of myself.
Ooh, I’m intrigued by your Shivanauts union. Just took my 1st stab at level 2 today. There was a moment when I thought, “That wasn’t too bad,” but it turned out I still had at least 2/3 of the sequence to do. D’oh! 🙂
This week, I think I’d just like to get through the rest of my wrapping with a minimum of hassle.
how? Break it into low stress steps. Avoid the old scissors like the plague. Play good music. Take breaks if my small steps aren’t small enough.
commitment: to pay attention to my state of mind, so I don’t get frustrated with it. Breathe. To try to get it done sooner rather than later.
Hop-scotching! It’s short, sequential, made of steps, fun, cyclical, and about experimenting with different ways you can move your body! (So, slightly shivanautical? At least in spirit?)
Or, for larger undertakings that are fun & playful & adventurous & broken up into tangible steps, I would go with Building a Treehouse.
Yay! 🙂
For your word: how about an adventure? I’m going to work on my adventure now. Do you want to hear about my new adventure?
I’ve got 76 Trombones in my head now too. Thanks a lot!
Havi, for Thing 1 have you considered a “jigsaw”? That encompasses most of the concepts you mentioned. Or, “windmill tilting”, both because of the occasional quixotic nature of the beast, and because it’s arguably not as mean to tilt a windmill as to tip a cow.
For Thing 3 (which reminds me of Cat in the Hat, which reminds me of the dancing dolphins at the beginning of “Hitchikers’ Guide to the Galaxy”, which reminds me that I’ve got myself off topic again…), you could treat yourself as a great artist (Havi Picasso?) and give yourself the freedom to be selfish about certain things in pursuit of your art. After all, it’s not you, it’s your MuseToBe that’s requiring the time to be creative. (“It’s not me, I swear. It’s MuseToBe.”)
And for Thing 4, it sounds like you need a Portable Oasis. Palm trees are obviously optional, but I think you might need a Guard Camel to keep uninvited intruders away.
Oh, and have I said “Thank You” lately for being you? Well, then “Thank You!” And my invisible chipmunk chorus (it’s really just one chipmunk) is singing your praises as well, although they sound as if they’ve had too much helium again…
It’s been a while, I don’t remember what my last VPA was, I think I had a positive answer 🙂 Let’s pretend that I did. Yay!
What I want:
Those luscious encaustic paints that were at Dick Blick two weeks ago. Dear sweet paints, I believe you are the way to find spontaneity and loss of control in my artwork, and that is what my soul most desperately needs right now.
How this can happen:
I can check my bank balance and find out I have enough to cover some paints and boards.
Someone who’s seen my work can email me to purchase something.
I could find some money. (this has happened in the past).
Someone else could be freecycling their paints and we could find each other.
I could write a love letter to the paints and they could find their way to me.
My commitment:
To believe and anticipate and clear a space in the studio for the wonderful play we will have together.
To be flexible and open to surprise.
To allow.
What I want: the most perfect house, in the most perfect neighbourhood is for sale by our friends. I want to be able to buy it, and live in it for a very long time. I want enough money to buy it, for our house to sell, and the fact that my husband and I are both self employed to not matter when it comes to the mortgage.
Ways this could work:
our house could sell for more than we think
we could qualify for a mortgage easier than I think we will
My commitment
to look into options
to stay open to the possibilities
to focus on the positive desire, rather than the desperate feelings
do shiva nata a lot
I’m a day late, but I’m here!
What I want:
5ish perfect people for the darling CraftyBiz Kitchen. They will know it’s for them. They will be ready to work on the stuff we’re going to work on. They will be as excited as the other darling people who have joined. We will adore each other.
Ways this could work:
-People who wanted this before (when it was closed) could remember that it’s now open
-Past students could realize (uh, because I would tell them) that this a much better way of taking classes
-I could remind people via email and blog posts in a way that makes us ALL comfortable. (mini VPA: that I remember the rituals that make telling people about my thing more comfortable).
-My happy happy CraftyBiz-ers could spread the word.
-Other magical ways
My commitment:
-to keep working on my relationship with telling people
-to tell people when I do remember
-to continue to work on the curriculum
-to continue to create and hold the culture
What I need: a way of navigating the next 2 weeks, filled with a Very Hard Thing with curiosity and mindfulness (when all I want to do is Not Think and Cry Lots).
Ways this could work:
-I could write myself little reminders. Or journaling prompts.
-I could check in with the people who know about it.
-I can nap and give myself permission to take this SLOW.
-I can plan and map and strategize, since I know that even though it may seem crazy, it gives me a lot of peace.
-I can remember that PEACE was my word for this year and work it into everything.
-Shiva Nata! Yoga! Shavasana!
My commitment:
-to write when I need to write
-to forgive (or at least, work on it), when I get disconnected and avoidance mouse.
-to show the love I feel for everyone involved, including myself, no matter how vulnerable I feel.
-to give it time
This is my second of the askings – I’m still extremely grateful for having a safe space in which to ask, even if I haven’t been good at maintaining my commitments. Since this is the last VPA until the federal holiday season, I wish you all the best holiday ever!
(this took forever due to tunnel vision – yay migraines!)
1 – I really want my migraine to go away. Like, NOW. So I can see a friend tonight and hang out for the eclipse.
Ways this could work: The imbalance in my brain’s bloodflow could resolve itself. I could
My commitment: To forgive myself and my body if it doesn’t go away.
2 – I need more money, but don’t have time to work another job.
Ways this could work: Being given money for the holidays from relatives. Getting a raise. Ebaying or Craigslisting stuff (though I’m not sure what).
My commitment: To see what of my stuff *can* be Ebayed/Craigslisted.
3 – I would strongly like to have my living situation resolved this week. I still don’t know if I have to find a new place in February or if I’ll be able to stay here and sublet my oh-so-desired apt in April.
Ways this could work: My landlady could have already emailed… (ohpleezohpleez)
My commitment: Keep following up! Believe.
4 – I want magic writing to happen.
Ways this could work: sit down and just write!
My commitment: To make up a writing schedule the *moment* the packing has completed.
I am special-gwishing for a perfect and drama-free holiday season for me and all those I love.
Updates on last week’s VPAs:
1 – I did get out the stuff for the Courage manual once… and ended up culling half of it. Not what I expected!
2 – Still no time. Still overwhelmed. Dreaming and breathing are working, though.
3 – Still stuffing, no documentation happening. I’m leaving this one for next year, after the whelms stop sitting over me.
Whee thanks Havi!
Also, Havi, regarding the word? I personally started to call my non-project-projects “exploits” or “escapades” a few years ago, largely because I was/am a project manager in my day job and to call something a project makes it sound like a job and an obligation, vs something out of the swashbuckling literature. 🙂
(addendum – bah, put this on the wrong post due to tunnel-prompted bad clickery! Sorry about that!)
my very heart-felt asks:
thing #1: a good feeling
how..vague, right? but i would love a good feeling to hit me, from the Universal It’s-All-Going to-be-OK current. I’ve been put in a sticky situation at my job, which is clogging up my joy arteries over this lovely long break. i would like, more specifically: confidence in my decision, clarity in how to return to work with a clear demand or solution, and then–then i want to set it all down, for the rest of break!
how this could work:
magically! and elegantly!
i can have imaginary conversations in my journal
it just could
i could find a nice comfy corner for this pervasive anxiety to chill out in while i go have a nice break
my commitment:
to think and engage–and stop when i start looping
to do shiva nata specifically on this issue, and see what i can tell myself
to love myself no matter what
thing #2: a steadier yoga practice
this is something i’ve often questioned: why do i resist doing things that feel good? in this new space of time, i’d like to try to establish a steady practice–i tend to wildly overcommit and then stop full-stop, rather than just practicing…well, you know, steadily. so–maybe 20 minutes most days? i’m not even sure where to go with this, i just know that it’s something that can be a really lovely safe space right now, and some serious unfolding is much needed.
ways this could work:
i could do 5 poses a day
magically! and in the most enchanting way!
my commitment:
no beating up! whatever happens, happens.
to actively commit to the PRACTICE of practicing!
to challenge myself to giving myself what i love (why does that seem so BIG?) and do EFT on this, to figure out and release its different aspects
thing #3: jobs
my ask: magically perfect job opportunities to open up that call for my unique blend of education and connection-making. i can bring so much! just, you know…lemme find a place to bring it to!
ways this could work:
i could get the networks out and rolling
i could dedicate a set block of time to searching and applying
i could ask people to look out for me
my commitment:
to be open and loose, as much as possible. it’s all going to happen anyhow, and the idea of feeling panicked and restricted for the rest of the year seems…even more horrible than looking for work…
to find one minute of Trust each day
to journal copiously and do EFT often
Havi! I almost missed your “Poor me” link. Still chuckling. 🙂 x
@Rachel – I like hopscotching! Going to play a round of hopscotch. A hopscotch course that might have progressively longer and more complex set of hops to take… Mmmm, I like it!
My very own VPA – eek!
Thing: A break through. No, actually that’s too fighty and non-NVC. I know – RELEASE!
What I want:
To
break throughRELEASE the lurking panic about the lurking, looming piles of iguanas on my desk and actually put a FEW to bed before the holiday break.Ways this could work:
– Writing this down could start a wave of actualisationing (yay, I can has made-up words too!)
– I could write down my To Do List
of Doomand find it is not as daunting as I think it is– I could channel Miss Martha to help me tidy up and Wonder Woman to help me
wrestlelovingly put some iguanas into bed.My commitment
– To post a VPA about it. DONE!
– To write post-it notes to remind me of these commitments and the ten minutes of focus and alter-ego channelling and other tricks…
– To dream/plan/act for the next step instead of non-fun internetting when I can’t deal with the ACTUAL iguanas (eg. updating resume, calling temp agencies, reminding myself that this job is no longer working for me and being okay with letting go of my “career”, trusting the Universe and myself again)
Kisses and gwishes to all these VPAs.
Havi,
Having had the delight of meeting you at the Great Ducking Out, I want to let you know you are the most congruent person I have ever met. That is to say, you are exactly who you appear to be in your blog. Hope that makes sense!
Still working on the VPA stuff. I haven’t even had the nerve to try one out in my notebook. Maybe that will be the first step.
Jessie- don’t know if you’ve discovered it yet, but
http://www.yogaonline.com allows you to pick the yoga type and length of session you need that day. Some days I just need someone else to help me jump start the personal practice time. And, there’s everything from 8 minutes -mini practice- to over 1 hour.
Update: I got into a routine of waking early – now to work on the routine thing. I haven’t purged stuff. I’ve been balancing things well work-wise. 🙂
This week, it’s busy busy holidays and I get stressed so i’m just going to ask for one thing.
Here’s what I want:
I have a decision to make about next year. Masters courses. I need a simple solution – which programme, if any, is best for me, and please may I get accepted for it.
One course is interesting but not as useful. The other is useful for where I want to go but less enjoyable to go through.
Ways this could work:
List pros and cons.
Accept what happens.
Ignore it and let the answer just come.
Brainstorm options.
Focus on what I want.
Focus on where I want it to get me.
My commitment.
Shivanata.
Sleep.
Focus on current coursework.
Let it simmer.
Ask for ideas?
Havi! I almost missed your “Poor me” link. Still chuckling. 🙂 x