Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
So my itty bitty personal ads made me realize that it’s time to make a regular practice of trying to feel okay asking for stuff.
Even when the asking thing feels weird and conflicted.
Ever since I posted the first one asking my perfect house to find me, which united me with Hoppy House, I have been a fan of the madness that is personal ads.
And now it’s my Sunday ritual for clarity and remembering and stuff like that. Yay, ritual!
Let us dooo eeeet.
Whee!
The very first VPAs of 2011.
They’re all new and sparkly.
Thing 1: a speedy solution to a tech disaster.
Here’s what I want:
The short version of the current situation:
We allotted three weeks for getting the new site ready for the 2011 Kitchen Table. Because this is the third year and we know that these things invariably end up being more complicated than is possible to imagine.
Every upgrade broke something new, which had to be re-upgraded or re-re-installed or re-un-upgraded seventeen hundred times. And just when I was completely exasperated because we were back at square one?
Square one broke.
I want an easy, simple solution. And I need it to happen as quickly as possible. Also gwishing for patience. Both for me. And for everyone who is waiting for the new year of Kitchen Table fun to start.
Ways this could work:
Oh how I wish I knew.
My commitment.
To breathe. To hope. To wish. To stay receptive to the possibility that — despite the massive cock-up this has been so far — things could still smooth themselves out quickly and easily.
May it happen in good timing.
Thing 2: a wall calendar for 2011!
Here’s what I want:
Normally our kitchen at Hoppy House gets its calendar of the year sort of by accident.
Once we were sent one from some organization whose cause we support. Once some friend of a relative of the gentleman made one. I’m not even sure where last year’s came from but it was lovely.
I have been waiting for this year’s wall calendar to just show up, but here we are and it hasn’t happened.
Ways this could work:
Maybe you have an extra one and you’d like to send it to me!
I could borrow the one from the Playground?
Maybe on my Wednesday prowls I could come across the right one. But really I’d so much rather just have one show up the way it normally does.
My commitment.
To pretend that I don’t know what day it is until my calendar shows up.
To play. Play!
Thing 3: closure
Here’s what I want:
Because of the unscheduled tech nightmare soap opera saga that has been this past week, all sorts of other projects are in a state of almost-done.
This week I’d like movement with these. Ease-filled finishings and elegant solutions and simple endings.
Ways this could work:
I can keep tuning into Congruence and other themes I’m working with.
And I can dance on it shivanautically, so the brain-scramble effect will send me in the right direction.
And I can make the commitment here and see what happens.
My commitment.
To love these projects.
To wish them good things.
To go one step at a time. And to stop when it is time to stop.
Thing 4: plum duff!
Here’s what I want:
I was going to write a post about this tiny, secret sale sail special thing that I’m calling Plum Duff days.
But then I didn’t, and it ends tomorrow. So maybe I can just seed this somewhere small. Or find some other way of showing it that it is loved in my heart.
Ways this could work:
I can tell you guys! Even without the Post of Explanations.
And I can tell the Frolicsome Bar (otherwise known as FB).
Or I can also just write it a love letter and tell my dear Plum Duff page that it will get another chance some other time. Because special occasions happen. Rarely, but they happen.
My commitment.
To spend time with the silly, fun, shiny things that I create.
To give you the link. Plum duff!
To sing songs of the sea.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
The main thing I wanted was a real weekend. Hahahahaha.
My big success there was taking Sunday afternoon off to sit in a cafe and write, which was absolutely delightful. This weekend was taken up with Kitchen-Table-related chaos again. I will try for a window of nothing this afternoon.
This is clearly a much bigger ask than I’d realized, and so I’ll start breaking it down into its elements to see what can be learned.
Then I wanted words for my genius idea. Sort of happened and sort of didn’t. Closer.
We were able to announce one of the three things we were hoping to announce, but I’m actually kind of glad that we slowed down the brunching.
And hilariously, I was worried about a smooth transition going into Dry Dock.
That turned out to be an outrageous success. We had a tiny, sweet, temporary site and tons of activity there. It was beautiful. The part I didn’t ask about was the transition back from Dry Dock, which is what is falling apart right now. Very amusing, literal mice.
What I’m taking from looking back on this past week is the skill I am (slowly) building: ADAPTATION. It’s kind of a pain right now, but this is the growth period. And honestly? It feels like the Next Step in something important so I’m kind of glad it’s here.
Comment zen. Here’s what I’d love today.
- Your own personal ads, small or large. Things you’ve asked for. Or are asking for. Or would like to ask for. Or updates on last time!
Stuff I’d rather not have:
- The word “manifest”.
- To be told how I should be asking for things.
- To be judged, psychoanalyzed or given unsolicited advice.
Wishing love and good things for your Very Personal Ads! So glad for everyone doing this with me.
Follow
2011 calendar winging its way to you now! See? Magical!
What I want: For this talk to write itself.
Ways this might work: This talk could write itself! Look—a magic thing just happened to Havi; why not me?
My commitment: Play! Walk! Keep my receptors open and relaxed. Also maybe do some good notecarding and surfing-with-intent.
UPDATE (on VPA #77): I had some examples trickle in, got a big “Hi!” sign from the universe (by way of the client) and most importantly, GOT REST.
May this be a wonderful year full of answered VPAs, but maybe not answered prayers. Just sayin’.
It’s been a hellish start to the new year, that threatens to derail me and my priorities *entirely*. So what I’d like to ask for is just some support for what matters. Which is my biznest stuff. I want my nest feathered, thank you, and filled with young marvelous Things that offer joy and hope and promise, and as they grow, provide ongoing support to me, and to others. Wouldn’t that just totally rock?
What does this look like? I don’t know. Internal peace, I think. External space. Internal and external support. A new method of prioritizing, a new tool, a … a…. I don’t know. I think it involves people, though. Maybe a little group of support + accountability? Maybe a dedicated moleskine to remind me?
Maybe I’ll wander today, and find something that will help. Maybe someone will read this, and suggest something. Maybe a magic support fairy will fall out of the sky and bless me. Because right now I’m pretty clueless.
Alternatively, maybe I’ll just feel better by tonight, and things will just work again.
Wouldn’t that be a sweet solution?
My commitment To be open to unexpected sources and possibilities. To look around. To play with the Need, and tickle it into giggling so that at least, it smiles a little. Because both it, and I, have a lot to smile about. I will remember that, and remind the Need of it, too.
Smile!
We are still in 2010 here because we don’t have a calendar either 😉
Update: I asked for encaustic paints and on Tuesday I get to go get some because yes, there is $. Amazing what not spending does to the accounts! 🙂
This week:
What I want: For my first week of coaching/enabling/biggifying to go smoothly. We arranged this a month ago, but some details are still too up in the air for me to be comfortable (like when are we having our weekly check in, and I don’t have her snail address to send her a basket of goodies).
How this can happen:
I can contact her via all the social media we share.
I can text her.
I can, *gasp* call her. (maybe a VPA to end my phone phobia is in order?)
Secret PlayDate on Toozday to map out some other ways or to just play and let ease happen.
She could remember and email me 🙂
My commitment:
To not get all grippy control freak with it. To, as my Great Aunt Genette likes to say “hang loose”
To do yoga and Shiva Nata to release the stuck.
To play with my new paints and find that space where answers just show up because I am not out looking for them. 🙂
Hi!
Oh, the first VPA this year! I tend to be pretty intermittent on these…
First- Big Project Collaboration! I’m working with someone on a **thing** in Chicago that promises to be a dream project. Right up my alley. So, so amazing. But it is very very early in the process, but luckily I can think of when some of Havi’s things were teeny tiny *things*, and remember that that is just how they start out.
What I want- clarity, pacing, and for surprising help and the doors to open where there had been no doors, like Joe Campbell says. I want to feel like I have time and organizational skills to do this -and- drydock with other things.
and Biggest VPA of all– liftoff by early summer– a little crazy. Right now the biggest thing this tiny team is looking for is space, not metaphorically, but real, concrete space-
some kind of studio or workspace, big enough for 18-25 people, *sleeping space* a-la summer camp, boys side and girls side, with respective bathrooms, ideally, safe water access on Lake Michigan very very close to Chicago, really really ideally, *on* the lake. Space to construct constructions- rope bridges, tree-forts, experimental structures, boats etc. Power supply. Kitchen a la summer camp. Activity access a la summer camp. And really cool creative thinking folks to go along with the place. Smooth solutions to any wacky bumps in the road.
All that, ASAP. >>GRIN<< How's *that* for an ask!!?
I commit to
-knowing the leap is not as far as I fear, so jumping ahead when it looks a little scary and not giving up.
-bringing my A-game, without fearful distractions
-Asking for help from lots of people
-Doing my best to make this awesome vision happen
Certainly not my only ask at the moment, but I'm focusing my mojo here for the moment.
XOXOXo to all, and your VPA's.
Ingrid
My commitment: To pretend I don’t know what day it is until my calendar shows up.
What a lovely idea! Now, that’s what I call making lemonade out of life’s lemons!
What I want: To have fun editing and expanding my dissertation proposal.
How this can happen: Hmm. Well, for one thing, I’ll probably have to actually open the file and look at it. Perhaps I can get some help from Metaphor Mouse on this one, too. What if editing were something akin to solving a crossword puzzle, which is something I enjoy? It’s also something I can do a little bit at a time, not necessarily in huge overwhelming marathons. In fact, I’ve learned that when I’m stuck on a crossword puzzle, walking away for a while and then coming back to it is exactly the right thing to do. Huh!
My commitment: To be kind to the Poor, Poor, Pitiful Me monster, without identifying with it.
Wishing everyone satisfying VPAs and plenty of perfect, simple solutions!
Last week I asked for rest, which I (in general) got. Days of just chilling, and tons of sleep. So good. And I finally, finally feel better and back to my normal energy levels.
Eee, sparkly VPAs!
VPA the first: I want to get what I need done this week to meet my end of January deadline: edit one portfolio, complete this weeks assignments and rewrite a proposal.
How this could work:
– Break it break it break it down
– Use stuff from the Procrastination-O-Matic
– Set myself daily targets and not force myself to do more if I meet them
My commitment:
– take breaks
– make time for the things that make everything else easier
– deal with any feelings of panic rather than pretending they’re not there
First VPA of the New Year! Whoo!
Poor Kitchen Table. I’m sure it will be fabulously fabulous when it gets here. Till then, I’ll drink chai in its name and wave to it from the (very cold) desert I reside in. (Maybe it got lost here?)
Okay. Back to business.
Last week I asked for help on patterns. As far as I can tell, not a damn thing got done here. My mind is so fried/exhausted/splicked that I can’t even read without getting a headache.
Of course, that could always mean that my mind is trying to work through everything. And if so, then I’m not helping it very much. Maybe I should try that.
So this week…
Thing 1: An End to Self-Destruction
What I would like: Pattern-working. (Ooh. Very esoteric sounding, huh? Hee hee!) We Rallied, hard, for the New Year, and the next day, omigod levels of OWW!! So, I am looking for ways of doing things that doesn’t involve intensive self-care at the end. I am looking for sustainable, non-scary ways of living. Ease. Flow. Stress-free as possible. (Very Important.)
Ways this could happen:
Oh, the Shiva Nata.
Dancy-whirling in general.
Labyrinths.
Epiphanies!
Find a way to map them…
My commitment:
The doing.
The self-care.
The not screaming, even when it’s really frustrating to be here.
Thing 2: Speaking of Flow
What I would like: A method of making money, that I can do with relative ease (or at least a sack of stress), that doesn’t make me feel like a car salesman. I have things that I love. I have things that I can do. The problem is that I like training/qualifications/time in the door to actually do them. (Or maybe I just think that’s a problem and it’s not, really. Something I’m willing to look into.)
Ways this could happen:
I could run across an idea somewhere.
Shivanautical epiphanies.
Hell, any epiphanies.
I could map where the fear of even trying something that might or wight not work is coming from. (Though I have an idea.)
Brainstorming session! With chocolate, root beer, kitties, and Ex. (‘Cause he’s cool enough to let me kidnap him for that.)
My commitment:
The doing.
The not screaming.
(This is sounding familiar.)
To remind myself that, even if I have a deadline that’s creeping closer, freaking out will not help things.
To really look at how much money I’m going to need to do this and see if anything can be pared down or dropped.
Last week’s update: well, I played with pens a lot and did in fact come out with a plan that includes a bit more spaciousness. The next trick is to allow that spaciousness to stay, rather than feeling obliged to keep filling it with THINGS.
I’m still feeling a little anxious around my writing, but I have a bit more clarity on some stuff around it (e.g. my expectations of myself and whether they’re reasonable…).
This week:
VPA #1: minimal stress around a difficult situation. It’s not entirely my situation, but it closely affects me, and I’m struggling a lot with the uncertainty right now. So I guess what I really want is to be able to deal calmly with that uncertainty.
How this might happen:
– I might find a way of embracing the uncertainty! Play with it a bit and see if I can use it as a playful thing (what various solutions/outcomes/etc might look like).
– See the whole thing as a learning/growth experience (it’s already given rise to some interesting things around communication, and it’s a huge opportunity to practice the way I *want* to talk about certain things).
– I might just relax a bit.
My commitment:
– Not to beat myself up about how well or badly I’m handling it. Hard stuff is hard.
– To remind myself that it *will* have an end, and that in fact, the end probably isn’t that far away, despite what it may feel like right now. (This too shall pass.)
– To use it as an opportunity to play with futures.
VPA #2: Joy and ease with my writing.
How this might happen:
– I might find a better way/time to work on the current project.
– I might try to use a different phrase than ‘work on’ (play with!). Or a different word than ‘revisions’ or even ‘2nd draft’, both of which are large and scary.
– I might find some magic extra free time.
– I might find a way of spending more time in a lump on it rather than getting tired and worn out and stopping. (Maybe via the ‘alternating’ ideas that Havi’s been talking about in the context of the secret play dates?)
My commitment:
– Keep experimenting.
– Think of some new words/metaphors/concepts/etc.
– Take a look at my workspace — is there stuff in here which I’m finding negative or unhelpful? Can I make some changes?
I thought I had a VPA, and then I decided that for a SPARKLY VPA I had to pick something more fun. Soooo…
I would like to make lots of new friends on the Twitters. Not just I-follow-you-so-you-follow-me friends, but like *kindred spirits*. Right People. A loyal army of minions, even.
Ways this could work:
1. I could PLAY there more often, instead of pretending like its REAL WORK, DAMMIT.
2. I could, like, TALK to people. That I don’t know. Who seem cool.
3. I could explore. Maybe there’s like a place where my Right People are busy setting up the keg and the espresso maker.
My Commitment:
One hour at the twitter bar just hanging out. Not trying to multitask.
Every day.
For a week. Just to see if I like it. Cause I’m playing.
Say! That IS sparkly, isn’t it?
hello 2011! i am glad you are here and i am here too!
updates on last week’s (last year’s!) VPAs:
-still no news from man… guess i naw need a deadline…or no news-good news…nah, that doesn’t work in this case.
-thank you notes and emails for the people that my year special: done! yay! 2 minutes ago, after reading what i wanted to update about, that still counts, doesn’t it!
-welcome 2011: it is here and it feels welcome. it was welcomed with loads of wacky rituals and good friends. it feels fresh and full of possibilities. it has a word / theme and a sparkling new journal. and some wonderful food has been cooked and eaten this last few days!
-making space for the new: nope. that didn’t happen. just still pilling up. oh, except the car is going to get fixed tomorrow!
and this week’s VPA’s
thing 1:
i want: to work on my word: real
ways: ufff…infinite! play! dance! make a mess!
my commitment: give myself 1 hour a day, and respect it and slow down with it before going to bed, or first thing in the morning…or well, work on when, and enjoy!
thing 2:
i want: making space for the new…again, just to give it the importance it deserves, and space wants to be here, so there you go, VPAed.
ways: try new ways to invite it, since the ones from last week where not quite successful
super heroe powers to blow everything that i don’t want to go. or a tiny tornado inside my house. or a group of fairies to help me. or i could touch my nose and pretends it moves like in bewitched and ting! SPACE!
commitment: try new things, play, and give myself little missions and be present
spend some time with the hurt that may come with it and make me safe and loved.
Happy New Year!
a question though… Personal Ads go in newspapers or some form of printed thing… what could be the name of that, where we publish our VPAs?
Oh Havi, Wishing you smoother seas ahead.
1st VPA of 2011:
* I want to find some right people,maybe even new friends.
How?
Not quite sure. I kind of want it to be like Havi’s calendar. I know I need to put myself in some new situations but mostly I think creating more spaciousness inside and out will make room for the new.
Commitment:
To remember the spaciousness flow chart and apply it to me and be nice to me when I don’t.
*I want the pattern-shifting and awareness and peace that’s flowing from it to continue even when back at work.
How?
Shivanata, of course, lots of yoga and sleep. yes.sleep.
Commitment:
Talk to the anxiety monsters that talk me out of myself.
Isn’t that just what they do??
VPAs with extra sparkles! YaY!
I haven’t VPAed in ages, but I’ve marked it on my calendar for the next few months, so maybe I’ll be better at it.
What I want — to feel less like I’m sinking in the bottomless part of the ocean. To figure out how developing the Thing can fit into the rest of my life.
How that might happen —
*I could just suddenly, magically feel competent.
*I could discover all sorts of things to eliminate or streamline. Swearing off SVU marathons would be a great start.
*I could find sites that have the how to info I need to open WordPress without having an anxiety attack.
*Other fabulous ways I can’t predict.
My commitment —
*Invite my “This is insane and will never work” monster to tea.
*Play more with my weekly calendar. Remember my shivanautical epiphany and trust that the flailing is wise.
*Use the sound stuff I learned from Fabeku.
*Google “wordpress tutorials”.
Happy week everyone!
Havi – those technical issues make me sea-sick on your behalf. I wish you smooth-er sailing.
New Year; New VPA: I’m off to a good start 🙂
#1: a grip/insight/settling of the Yearly Travel Schedule (so I can schedule a class with Havi!)
o.k. Really, what I want, is to schedule a Havi-class. So, ways this could work:
a) magic (I never under-estimate magic)
b) other stuff could settle down sort itself out and be scheduled
c) I could manage other stuff around the Havi-class
My committment:
a) figure out which of c) would be under my control
b) pester everyone wrt pinning down travel schedule
c) dance
d) be patient and trust it will work itself out
#2: “I believe I can fly” (That is my secret code for a ReallyBigThing) and I need to know the next step
Ways this could work:
a) I dance and it comes to me
b) I just keep moving it and appears on the horizon (kind of like magic, but not)
c) Someone tells me (I include this possibility because I think the next step is obvious to someone (someone-specific) who just hasn’t clued me in, yet.)
My committment:
as always, dance, be open, trust, and be watchful
Want #3
Patience – there is something I want that should work itself out in March.
Ways this could work
a) It could be March, already.
b) dance
c) time passes
My committment: no more allusions to the Thing, curiosity, openness, trust, pretend it is Christmas coming and I am 4 years old.
$#!@%%$#$!!!
It seems that my once yearly PMS-of-DOOM pounced on the new year. I recognized it clearly after nearly crying when I ran out of floss. I also wanted to kill a man who coughed on me at the coffee shop.
I am suddenly a very HSP with a large personal-bubble. Both are not normal for me, and I’m not good at dealing with them.
Here is what I want:
Not to kill anyone. Not to destroy any property, or otherwise do anything I could be arrested for. Not to say words that would hurt a relationship. Not to spontaneously quit my job. Not to write any unkind emails to clients. Pretty much, I want to sail through this week and get to the other side and find that nothing has changed and I have no messes to clean up…this time.
Ways this could work:
All my ideas sound STUPID right now. and pretentious and trite. But here are the things I know I would have said last week, and will probably say next week:
1 – Eat as much as I want, so long as it is low in salt, HFCS, preservatives/dye, dairy, and caffeine. I’m not even gonna try to remove sugar.
2 – Busy work. Do things, unimportant things. Things to keep me busy.
3 – Calming music, especially before bed.
4 – A good cry, whenever and wherever I damn well please.
My commitment:
Avoid people and be awkwardly angry.
*Sigh* that’s pretty much all I can guarantee right now.
Happy new VPA! (Strangely, that works every week!)
1. I want to go to a Gwish Day.
Ways that could work: could get the money somehow, have husband take time to watch son, stay over at friend’s house in Portland. Open to anything.
My commitment: pick out a date and gwish at it.
2. I want all our bills paid this month and next.
Ways this could work: my freelance client will pay me for the project I am going to complete. I could complete another project. My book proposal could get snapped up. A different critique client could email me.
My commitment: Finish the project. Revise the proposal. Metaphor mouse the budget.
3. I want to figure out a to-do list thingy that actually works for me.
Ways this could work: not even remotely sure. Open to any sort of suggestions, epiphanies, whatever.
My commitment: will doodle, collage, and assiduously avoid the term “figure out.”
Sending technical magic your way, Havi. I know how much it sucks when the gods of technology take out their wrath on you and your projects. Just went through something similar on a MUCH smaller scale but it lasted a LOT longer and it really impacted my new tenants. Thank goodness they have a sense of humor.
My Wish – to finish up the statistics and report for the research project I conducted last summer. My reward for getting it done is the final payment which will yield a nice stipend for me.
Ways this could work – make working on the statistics and the report my priority by working on it FIRST every day instead of doing the million little things that seem to consume all my time and energy. This is the week to make a very large dent as I’m still on break from the doctoral program.
My commitment – to work on it every day this week even if it is only for a hour at a time. I just need to chip away at it instead of trying to do it all in a single day. Most of the work is done, it just needs to be compiled. Also, to let go of my need to be perfect. As long as the data is accurate, the formatting is not nearly as important.
What I want: for my book to finish! In a creative flurry of fun!
Ways this might work: I will do the responsibile things I need to do, and I will work on any Things that pop up and hold me back. I will draw, sing, and visualise my Things and make them go away!
My commitment: To do another ten recipes today. I love cooking This is EASY, and if I put in the work, the Universe will keep it so! Yay Easy!
So. I asked for the pests to be gone, for the dog to be better. The pests left, all but one. So then we had to take action again, live out of bins for our clothes. etc. it was not fun. BUT now it is a month later and no more sightings. I am not gloating or jinxing I am simply asking again. That the pests be gone for good.
My committments: To continue to be vigilant about the things I can do and to remain positive.
The dog got better and then she got worse again. Now we have a new food and a new plan for getting omegas into her. And we are giving her love and healing energy. And we are paying attention to everything she eats – including sticks, which surely don’t help. And I am asking again, let the dog get better, for good.
My committments: to keep her out of stuff she shouldn’t have. To give her all that is in my power to give her that is good and to keep her from things like people food and sticks.
Thanks for providing a town square to shout my asks in.
One more pretty big ask. let me find the clients that are needing me and that I need to work with. Let the relationships be healthy and the money be steady and the work sustainable. Let my family and the greater world benefit.
How this could happen?
Cold calls, referrals, networking, supporters or “angels” in my life, orisha energy helping me, synchronicity, guidance, cool coincidences, fate, karma, happy accident, word spreading like wild-fire and hitting the right ears.
My committments: To show up, to do the work, to do the tough things and the things that feal easy (aka like they “should” be tougher and work on accepting that they are just right as they are and that things don’t have to be tough to be valuable and right). To listen to my small voice and to trust it more and more -in spite of the anything negative (throwing shoes is what it is called around here I believe.)
What I Want:
Things are picking up at TSC. And Yay! but also, I want to make sure I can keep up with everything. I need a way to get everything done in a pleasant and easeful way.
Ways this could work:
A system or a plan could magically appear.
I could actively work on said system/plan.
I could pursue the concept of heatmapping my day. Not sure of the details on that one though.
My commitments:
To pay attention to what I’m working on and refer to my Oh… yeah list when I need something to do.
To look at my business plan scrapbook once a week to make sure I’m not missing anything massive. Also to keep on top of any easy bits I can get taken care of.
Update: both the money balancing and the boy leaving soon dealing with are in progress, but okay for the time being. #itsenough
Will do a VPA in a minute, but right now I have to say:
Plum Duff!!!!! Figured out the finances just in time and I’m coming to a Gwish Day!!!!! I can’t WAIT!
I’ve never done this before, but it looks like so much fun.. and it is 2011! Actually, I have two, one big and one small but both important.
What I want: A pair of pants that fit, are in good repair and make me feel pretty. Or maybe two.
Ways this might work: I could take my two broken pairs of jeans to the cleaner. I could go to the mall and spend some dog sitting money on new pants.. new pants that miraculously fit and and are comfortable and affordable. I could go to goodwill and find pants. I could open my dresser drawer and find a new pair of pants just waiting for me!
My commitment: Go to the cleaners. Go to the.. mall? Ugh. Ok. I will. Say thank you for all the shirts and shoes I have that fit and are in good repair.
NEXT:
What I want: To go to Ecuador for my spring break trip. Oh – that was a suprise. I wasn’t sure what I was going to ask but that is it 🙂
Ways this might work: Financial aid could cover it and still give me enough to live on. 5000 dollars could show up in my bank account. I could get a really well paying part time job for the winter.
My commitment: Talk to the lady at school about the trip. Talk to the guy about the job. Remember all the times that G!d(dess) has provided for my needs and wants and have faith that she will again.
Havi – wishing you fair winds and following seas. I am excitedly waiting for my first Kitchen Table, and find that this delay you speak of – has only heightened the anticipation.
I gwish you serenity and patience as you sort things out.
What I want #1: To get over the second round of the Virus of Doom really easily and fast so I can get on with my life. Oh wait, this is part of my life. Darn.
Ways this might work: I might wake up well tomorrow.
My commitment: To move away from the “I feel like crap oh darn I have to work” pattern and try “My body is not feeling well. I will just be with that. I choose to work gently and to take care of myself.”
What I want #2: To keep moving ahead and meeting deadlines for my many exciting commitments, in spite of feeling sick.
Ways this might work: The index might suddenly start going much faster. I might wake up well tomorrow (see above). There might be more time than I think.
My commitment: To use my time well. Focus on indexing when I’m doing it. Limit twitter and facebook. Move ahead on New Thing-y stuff deliberately on breaks from indexing.
What I want #3: To find a way to make and have enough money this year.
Ways this could work: Several nice large indexing jobs appear. My new business is ready soon for its paying Right People. My partner’s wonderful school finds a solution to its money problems.
My commitment: To move ahead steadily with the new business instead of just daydreaming. To network and market my indexing business (needed for the first time in about 15 years). To trust.
Good luck for everybody’s VPAs!
1. What I want: Better communication with my partner
Ways this might work: I could magically stop interpreting his comments as attacks on me. I can remember to pause before reacting immediately. I can PRETEND that his comments aren’t meant as attacks (even though my monsters are completely sure that yes, he really does mean to attack me). I could get more sleep, although this would involve magically getting my two year old to sleep more too.
My commitment: To breathe. To cautiously and quietly approach my monsters to see if they might, maybe, be willing to talk about this. To be open to new ways of approaching my monsters. To continue returning to the process.
2. What I want: Unguiltified time for myself.
Ways this might work: Hmm, more talking with monsters to convince them I might actually be happier/do more if I didn’t feel guilty about doing what is right for me. MAGIC!
My commitment: To be open to this magically working.
3. What I want: Ease
Ways this might work: I could let go of the tension. I could stop struggling to make everything work. I could be kind to myself. No clue how to actually make these things happen.
My commitment: To be open to things shifting. To be willing to accept what ease does come my way.
Oh, and I was wondering who to send the extra complimentary copy of my French Republican Calendar to…
I think it belongs to you, Havi.
My VPA: that I will have sovereignity over my time all year which means I get to decide what to do with it.
Ways this might work: I could notice when I have rules about when things need to be done and question them more. I might stop throwing lassos into the future.
My commitment: To spray myself with sovereignity spray every morning. To remember that my calendar/planner is a fantasy and a guide but not a straitjacket.
Update: Well, I didn’t get any writing done. The extra hours at work are partly responsible, along with New Year revelry. I refuse to be angry about this. I’m breaking the pattern of self-flagellation that I seem to be so fond of. I’ll have time to craft a little story on the plane when I fly out this week. On to the VPA.
What I Want:
To start sketching out ideas for this crazy little art project that’s been ringing like a bell in my head. It wants to be a business, but I’m worried that it might seem too esoteric or odd.
Ways This Can Work:
Not be a chicken. Heh. Just kidding. But really, I can let loose and try to have fun. I can come to the full realization that some of the coolest ideas in the world were considered kooky by some, especially the creators themselves.
My Commitment:
To be patient and understanding. To be willing to make this a long term goal that I can work on in little pieces as further understanding of the work itself comes to me. I can play/sketch on the plane and in the hotel room.
What I Want:
Quite honestly, to kick ass and take names at the convention this weekend. This will be the largest audience I’ve ever danced in front of. It’s a theater stage and everything. I might throw up.
Ways This Can Work:
Continue practicing and developing the piece. Be okay with being myself and allow myself to believe that the audience will accept me for being who I am.
My Commitment:
To keep Havi’s Emergency Tricks for Freak Out moments. To bring another version of myself to the front of the V (“Wonder Powers Activate! Form of…Diva Kaleena!”), and to tell myself that I will be okay no matter what happens.
You have no idea how much I look forward to the VPAs. They can be so very powerful. Yet somehow, I read them, I encourage them, but when I come here to leave a comment and a VPA of my own, I’ve got nothin’.
So damn frustrating.
What I Want: To be inspired. I started the year off a little slow and congested and now I’m kinda slumping along. A little inspiration would be awesome.
Ways This Can Work: I can read something or hear something that sparks me up. A friend can influence me. I can wake up and just be inspired. I can fake it ’til I make it.
My Commitment: I will be fully open to any and all ways to feel inspired. I will allow for some time to brainstorm or write. I will not try to control where, when or HOW I will receive this inspiration.
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What I Want: A tag line. I feel like I’m at the point in my business where I need a tag line that kinda sums up who I am and what I do.
Ways This Can Work: Someone can say just the right thing. I can ask friends and colleagues for help. I can wake up (or be taking a shower, or doing the dishes, or walking the dog) and POOF! there it is!
My Commitment: Allow any ideas (no matter how silly they may seem) to visit for a bit. I will create some time in my schedule this week to brainstorm.
Never done this before, but think it is cool!
What I want: Peace and ease and self love as I get back into work this week.
Ways this might work: I decide that my entire existence does not rest on producing one big biz outcome after another. I might take more time to play with my dog and talk to my son, and make chicken soup and go for walks instead of madly racing around. I might trust that my business will be fine even if I don’t launch the next thing as soon as I thought or get bunches of new clients.
My commitment: Meditate 20 minutes each morning instead of 10 or 15 this week. Move my body every day this week. Hug someone and really feel it every day this week.