Because it’s Friday AGAIN. And because traditions are important. In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
I’m not sure at all how I feel about this week.
Just that it was really challenging for me, and I kept wanting to just run away and hide.
Which I would totally have done too, if I knew how.
Or where.
But then it got better. Yay. Anyway, cheers to being done.
The hard stuff
This low background hum of anxious and not good.
Not the kind where it’s loud enough to really get to you, but it just chips away at things.
I’ve been feeling kind of mildly worried. Not about anything specific. Which is in itself… well, there you go, mildly worrisome.
Probably there are all sorts of good reasons for it, as there pretty much always are, but nothing especially obvious.
Ready for this to be done.
Could things please stop breaking?.
So we’re about to start the Shiva Nata teacher training.
And the heat didn’t get fixed in time because it turns out that the entire ancient heating vent at the Playground needs to be replaced.
Which means it needs to be brought in with a crane. And that can’t happen until a part gets ordered from the east coast. And that can’t happen until the weather out there clears up.
And the weather here, because they have to get up on the roof to install it.
So we have a million space heaters, which is taking up a) way too much space and b) all the outlets.
And (surprise!) shorting the circuit breakers. Oh, and the circuit breakers in the Playground apparently aren’t relevant — we need to wait until our neighbors are around so we can use their box.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh.
And maybe they could also stop being so expensive too, because that would be nice.
We had to buy a massive amount of additional blankets for everyone coming to the lovely heat-deprived Playground. Plus new outlet thingies and extension cords.
This week was ridiculous.
Sales are down.
Yes, this is in part my doing because I haven’t been posting and I totally forget to tell people about stuff we’re doing. Stuff! We’re doing it!
But it’s weird. And depressing. February is usually a really good month for us. Adaptation grumbles.
Inowanna! Inowanna!
The number of things I didn’t want to do this week was out of control
It’s iguana city over here.
Nothing to wear. Because I am six.
I was so out of sorts that the gentleman friend suggested we do something different.
Yay! Going somewhere! Dressing up! Booze!
But then it turned out that the neglected half of my closet which — in my head — is always full of all the gorgeous glamorous things that I never get a chance to wear…
…is actually full of stupid things that I look terrible in.
Pretty sure this is just my annual birthday crisis arriving early.
But it sucks.
The good stuff
Sun. Beautiful wonderful sun and its sunniness.
Thank you.
I took a WEEKEND last weekend.
For the second time in a row! Amazing.
It definitely is taking big bites out of the burnout. And even though I don’t get a weekend this weekend, I am taking that learning with me into everything I schedule from now on.
In unlikely Roller Derby news… Rat City lost to Montreal.
Well done, most awesome ladies in the world. I tip my hat to Montreal!
Even in a week of everything-sucks, at least I can be cheered up thinking about Seattle’s spectacularly embarrassing failure to win a bout that really probably should have been a sure thing.
It’s a small thing and I am a terrible person, but this definitely made me feel better.
See the video at the end, even though there isn’t skating in it. You’ll feel better too.
The Kitchen Table.
Watching my smart, creative, loving people help each other out in all sorts of beautiful ways.
It is so inspiring.
Love letter from Taylor.
It arrived just in time.
And if you haven’t ever gotten a love letter from Taylor, know that they are even better than they sound.
I really, really, really needed that.
It made me want to write love letters too. Except than when I love someone, I get all weird and start speaking in awkward, clipped sentences, so I’m pretty sure any love letter from me would probably just make the bewildered recipient feel baffled and uncomfortable.
Thank you, Taylor.
Thursday!
The day in which I miraculously found my way back into the zone and just fractal-flowered the hell out of everything.
Things got done. Things that didn’t have a chance at done got done. Also my hair looked great.
Hooray for Thursday because without that? This would be a messy, messy Friday.
Friends. And support.
So much help from Hiro.
A hilarious meeting with my Board of Surprisers, who all help me see what is working.
Looking forward to Maryann’s wonderful Society of the Secret Playdate (if you haven’t signed up yet, I am highly recommending this — be there!).
And hugely excited both about the Rally (Rally!) coming up this week and the one in March where Jillian will be doing blog photo shots for everyone. Yay!
I get to spend the next two days having epiphanies!
At the last Shiva Nata teacher training, I had so many moments of bing that my head nearly exploded.
In a really good way. It fueled so many good things. Also my arms got such a workout I was practically Suzy Hotrod hot.
Now I get to do this again. Today, tomorrow and Sunday. With twenty smart, fun, capable, talented people. And it is going to be incredible. I can’t even tell you how delighted I am.
Yay.
And … playing live at the meme beach house it’s the Fake Band of the Week!
My brother and I have this thing where we come up with ridiculous band names and then say in this really pretentious, knowing tone, “Oh, well, you know, it’s just one guy.”
This week?
Collapsible Kangaroo
A very Portland band, of course. Eco-friendly and scruffy. You can see them all week while we’re on Rally. Except that it’s actually really just one guy.
That’s it for me …
And yes yes yes, of course you can join in my Friday ritual right here in the comments bit if you feel like it.
Yeah? Anything hard and/or good happen in your week?
And, as always, have a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day and a restful weekend-ing.
And a happy week to come. Shabbat shalom.
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I’ve not been here for a friday chicken in.. probably a month and a half. But I’m here today. Huzzah and hoorah!
The hard stuff
Anxiety and a half.
My list of ever-growing big things is increasing.. 3 essays, a dissertation thesis, 2 presentations, 2 exams, 2 volunteeering jobs, 1 casual paid job, a partner and somewhere in there I’m fitting bellydance, yoga, shivanata, press ups & food/drink/sleep.
I have no idea what’s giving me this underlying ripple of anxiety 24/7, but I wonder if it relates to that ^
And all the little things. Email so and so, the deadline to sign up for x is y, need to write two personal statements to apply for masters, need to check fund for my retreat, must ring them then, need to do some paid studies to get money.. etc etc etc.
I’m so ready for this to be done. SO so so ready.
No sleep.
See above. Too anxious to sleep.
And housemates have their partners over. Tonight they’re going clubbing. Will likely be back at 3am. loudly.
The sleep I have? Zombies and people with knives and being tied down and corridors I can’t find my way out of and being set-up by people i’m meant to trust.
Gah.
Running out of milk.
I won’t be able to have my “no matter what happens this porridge makes the world okay again” porridge tomorrow. Because I has no milk left and the stores so far away and I’m lazy/tired/have no time.
There’s more, but I don’t want to remember it.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh. -nods-
Oh yeah.
Ordered some books from oxfam shoppy thing and amazon little shops and two of them were the wrong one. i failed to look closely when I ordered. I love books so this made me sad.
Moooooving onnnnn…
The good stuff
The sun was epic.
Huzzah!
A double-weekend!
Next week I’m taking a weekend; mid-week and then I still get a weekend afterwards.
I’ve been booking all the days lately and weekends are spent going to london, seeing my partner, going on training days, getting my dissertation participants, going to sheffield (5 hour train journey!) and stuff like that. This week; i’m taking my wednesday & thursday off to breathe.
And then saturday and sunday. Win.
Evenings.
I panicked on.. tuesday night? The workload mentioned above? I panicked and I got on it. Made essay plans and formulated ideas and reserved a library book.
Then did nothign the next day – exhausted by simple letcures and tutorials. Then came home, and wrote out a chunk of dissertation.
Sat on the bus yesterday on the way to represent the youth panel; and made links from the word document i’d printed out.
It’s slowly getting done.
Support.
Facing my fears; i’ve had support. I chose to step forward and speak in public. Twice. The people who’d been before? They reassured and advised and it was all nice. I decided enough was enough and I should go to the doctors. My housemate came with me and sat in the waiting room because I have panic attacks and the doctors waiting room is a trigger.
I was supported.
Bring on the weekend!
And I think I’ll leave this week here. I’ve got another… 5 hours before I get home and can start my weekend; but I love that I can let go of that ^ before hand 🙂
The Hard:
Thankfully , not that much hard this week. Compared to last week and the week before – none of this week’s hard matters.
The Good:
No snow, sun, warm(ish) and melty drippy everywhere. I actually saw a patch of grass yesterday.
The students have finally gotten two full weeks of school without interruptions. They really needed this grounding.
Sleep, I’m getting it.
More daylight – goodbye SAD.
First week in f o r e v e r without some sort of virus coming on.
Fees good to sense some movement in what felt really stuck.
This week was so long I kept thinking yesterday was Friday and was really looking forward to just couching it with Steel Magnolias. Then I’d remember it was *Thursday* and I still had to bake for Donkey.
But it’s finally here! Huzzah! Friday!
The Hard:
Our monthly art group meeting was on Monday. In the car on the way over, my friend Lynda told us that our friend Diane had signed a DNR order. When we got to Diane’s house, we found out her neck could no longer hold her head up and she had to be in a brace. She also wasn’t able to talk for very long. We don’t know how much longer she has. (She has Lou Gehrig’s).
Relationship stuff. Confusing and heartbreaking. I am grateful for my yoga and Shiva Nata and NVC practices, because I am leaning into the pain and seeing that my old fear of abandonment has been triggered in a huge way. Having compassion for myself.
Whatever kept me from crying over the events of the last 4+ years broke this week, and I just burst into tears without warning. Deep cleansing tears, but still. Not good in the grocery store.
The Good:
I’ve managed to get into the studio almost every day this week even with the hard. Partially because of the hard. It helps to have some concrete action I can take.
Izzy and I entered our first show together. His piece is amazing (I posted it on Wednesday at my blog).
My friend Deanna treated me to a drumming class on Wednesday night. I had to be in the moment and was able to let go of everything else for that hour, and I was also surprised at how my body wanted to move with the rhythms. I think I need to do this more often.
Yesterday I remembered I have Fabeku’s album, and I played it when I went up to the studio for the afternoon. That helped enormously with the spontaneous crying. I feel much more centered now.
The warm and the sun! And the birds singing in the morning.
And it’s Friday! Hooray! Once I deliver these cookies to Donkey, the weekend is mine. 🙂
Hugs for everyone’s hard, and pompoms for your good, and have a great weekend, y’all 🙂
A weird week. Things happen which I interpret as meaning “if you try to do things you love, bad things will happen because you are not worthy.” I thought I was past that.
The Hard:
I think the payroll company messed up and didn’t pay my employee. (and then instead of just wondering, I called them to actually find out and it turned out that because she gets a live check and not a direct deposit it just hasn’t been cashed yet. duh)
2 numbers in the checking account were in (parentheses) which means not good things. But now there are positive numbers there.
Still struggling with money stuff. Still.
The undercurrent of money worries are under everything. And I don’t know what to do. Except keep moving forward.
Eating too much. More than my body needs, but not enough of what my body needs. I can’t tell if its out of anxiety or due to the hiking of the weekend.
Not moving enough. Can’t find middle ground between go full speed and stop.
The Good:
Amazing new outside experiences this weekend. New friends and new things I’m capable of.
Being able to decide to go into the office today to ship some things that will bring in money that will address some of the hard stuff, in the hard. And in the soft.
Haircut!
I have choices! I can choose to go buy chickens so I have better food for my body. I can choose to go to the office today to deal with some of the money stuff. I can choose to go outside and move my body today, tomorrow, and Sunday. I can choose to clean my house and get my mail and be a grownup about things.
I’m so glad you liked it. You looked so skeptical when I told you Valentine’s was my favorite holiday. 🙂 May there always be love letters overflowing your mailbox.
Friday!
The hard:
– massive amounts of of work. Too much for one person. This model of doing coursework while trying to write the dissertation is NOT working.
– near paralysis from all that I need to do and the looming deadlines.
The good:
+ another viable applicant for the program director position. Whatever fears I have about a new boss are cancelled out by the desire to get my workload down to a more manageable level.
+ unseasonably warm weather has made 90% of the snow vanish. So nice not to walk on ice!
+ class number 12 is done! I am 75% done with my coursework. Happy dance!
Have a great weekend!
Hello all!
The Hard:
-Resurgence of social anxiety. So hard.
The Good:
+Prying apart anxious thoughts and coming up with alternatives.
+Sharing my challenges with my bf, and feeling better for it, eventually.
+Got to wear new shoes this week, and my feet only somewhat complained.
+Digging in deeper with literacy tutoring and finding ways to be more involved.
+Eating healthy foods and working out regularly.
+Cooking food for myself, rather than relying solely on someone else to nourish me.
Oh what a week of weirdness. Also, can I get some neon-jazz-hands?
**Jazz Hands**
Hard…
-Pattern realization that I didn’t like realizing. Wherein I apparently only can do things for myself in the wee hours before anyone else is awake, because doing things for myself at other times causes the awake people (okay, person…) to resent and grumble. I’d rather avoid the resentment and grumbling than assert my need to do things for myself. And so I just get up earlier and earlier. No idea how to fix this, as I still would rather avoid the grumbling…coming to a head though, as I really don’t think I can get up EARLIER than 4 am.
-Mild work irritation. It’s not itchy enough to scratch it til it bleeds, but still…itchy. Even when I tell people how long things take to get done, they still expect them to be able to be done in a third of the time. Also, I hate explaining the same thing more than 5 times.
-Unwanted guests. Well. That’s a bit harsh. Not so much unwanted as …noisier-than-I-can-appreciate guests. I don’t want to go to their party. And I don’t the attempt at interpreting. Really. It’s not about that at all. (Ooooh, cryptic…sorry…)
Good:
-More stoplight poetry. While it brought the noisy party guests along, I’m still really pleased with this one.
-I went running for the first time in way too long. It felt damn good. I promised my body I’d go at least 20 minutes, and I ended up going (sort of slowly at 11 mph) 27 minutes.
-I’m almost done spinning some Cormo wool that is a dream to handle. I hardly even need to be there. It’s spinning itself. I’m also almost done knitting my first sweater. And it’s actually (gasp!) working.
-It’s acting like spring outside this week.
I also had the strangely long week.
The Hard
– I lost Wednesday completely. Woke up with a raging headache (these are starting to feel like migraine pre-cursers – so not good) and didn’t have any Advil. Found something else that I thought was just Tylenol and it turned out to be Tylenol+Codeine. I ended up lying in bed feeling woozy all day and had to cancel all of my appointments.
– I have this low-level dread/anxiety thing happening. More money would probably solve it, but it’s not just money-related. I think I just need to feel more secure with these big changes. I started working on a forcefield to block out the more ridiculous anxiety-related thoughts – no need to spiral out – but I do need to do some digging at where the anxiety is coming from and what I can do to lessen it.
– Client keeps flaking out on me, changing the dates and length of contract. Makes me desperately want another, more reliable client
The Good
– I announced to all of my family and friends all of the cool things that are happening since I launched my new website. Like getting mentioned on Salon.com for an article I wrote and for writing my cooking guide. Everyone has been super supportive, but the most surprising part has been my mom. I’ve been annoyed for over a year that she wasn’t paying attention to the work I was doing. And yet, I’m pretty sure all she did on Tuesday morning was read my blog. She was so interested in what I was doing – it felt great. Makes me think I can continue to find ways to help her connect with the things that are important to me.
– I got to spend some time with my friends.
– Two super fun calls with Lisa and Patty and now I’m all fired up about getting started on some new projects.
– Some progress at finding a community garden.
That sounds like quite the week. I’m glad for Thursday. *hugs*
One burning question… having been distracted by your roller derby links for about half an hour, I have to ask: what would your roller derby name be? And don’t tell us you haven’t thought about it… 😉
I haven’t taken notes on my week again, but this is what I can remember:
The hard:
Mania. Compulsive craft-projectizing to the exclusion of work and sleep.
Procrastination, procrastination, procrastination.
Being stuck in guilt and doubting my commitment to God.
New drugs making it really hard to get up in the mornings, and wasting a lot of money on taxis to work.
The good:
Getting a lot done in the early part of the week before mania hit.
Eventually working out how to get myself up and out in the mornings while sleepy from new medication.
My actress friend got a lovely new job and I’m going to love love love seeing her in it.
Relationship with my housemate is slowly improving.
Finding the perfect birthday present for my mum.
Getting a sudden sense last night that God loves what a dork I am, and how nobody else talks to him in exactly the same dorky way that I do. After guilting myself all week, getting this rush of heyyyyy I adore you was really welcome.
Oh, weekends. You are so lovely.
The hard:
-The stupid dharma talk I went to last weekend. It felt more like an assault than a dharma talk, and I left it raw and mad and…more mad. I mean, it was cold and they wouldn’t let us close the window! And somebody started crying, and the talker didn’t give her the tissues! What the HELL?
-Partner still having some hard. Still not knowing how to support.
-Today is warm. Which is great, in some ways. But it also makes me feel conflicted, and like I’m weird for feeling conflicted, and scared about the coming of hot and humid.
The good:
-A really lovely support system.
-The way I interact with myself, and see myself, is changing quickly and radically. And through that, my interactions with the world are changing, too.
-Acupuncture. I kind of feel like it’s all I ever talk about here, but I can’t help it. I can sleep. Thing are opening up. It’s lovely.
-I’m beside myself with glee, because I have a massage scheduled this weekend. That is so amazing and exciting and thrilling. Woo!
A happy weekend to all.
Oh my god, I think I need to keep this video playing on repeat in the background all day. It is bringing the exact right weirdness to my Friday morning. So awesome.
This week was:
+ Healthy
– Hormonal
And that about sums it up. Happy Friday, y’all!
Chicken!
Hard this week:
– Two dear friends were in a car wreck this week. He is now out of the hospital, battered and bruised but he will be okay. She is still in intensive care, sedated and with devastating injuries.
Good this week:
+ I’m taking singing lessons again! First one was yesterday, and I sang in the car all the way home. Singing makes me tail-waggingly happy. 🙂
+ My amazing clients are bringing their genius into the world in powerful ways. Their radiance makes summer out of this gray, wintry week.
+ Something I’ve been inwardly ambivalent about for many years is resolving in a beautiful, gentle, joyful way.
Wishing you all a happy weekend. Hugs for everyone’s hard, and celebrating all the goodness with you!
Love, Hiro
Oh, Chicken, I missed you last week. So here I am with two weeks wrapped into one bundle of Chickeneering.
The hard:
– FIVE (1-2-3-4-5!) friends have lost family members in the last two weeks. Going to wakes and funerals and writing sympathy cards brings up all kinds of *stuff* for me.
– Recurring project is taking a whole lot more time than usual this time around. The end is in sight, yet I’m having a hard time dredging up the will to power through and get it over with already.
– Throwing a large chunk of my savings, money that I saved to do something nice for myself, into a giant hole that belongs to someone else, with very little chance of ever seeing it again, and knowing at the time that I am only delaying the inevitable instead of solving a problem. (Cryptic, I know — sorry. But important for me to acknowledge.)
The good:
– A new collaborative project in its tiny little baby stages. Exciting!
– I know it’s going to get cold again, but these past couple of days of warmishness have done really good things for my mood.
– I’m starting to look forward to going the the gym and planning my other stuff around it, rather than vice versa.
Happy Friday, Chickeneers!
Oh, week. You’ve been all over the place, haven’t you? More good than not though.
The hard
– Family members wrapped up in drama + angst + rescuing. I’ve kept enough distance to avoid getting tangled. But still sad + hard.
– The cleaning person we hired flaked at the last minute. Not a big deal in the spectrum of things. But frustrating.
– Too many doctors.
– Seeing someone I dig like crazy have big struggles. Wishing I could do more to help.
The good
– A whole weekend off. To rest + refuel. Best. Thing. Ever.
– Good musics. Like Amanda Palmer’s cover of The Ship Song.
– Seeing some big pieces fall into place.
– Clarity. Inspiration. Energy. Vroom vroom.
– Watching three clients make totally huge progress on their things this week.
– Warmer weather. Sun. No snow. Thank you weather gnomes.
– Studio time. New instruments. New tracks.
– Treating myself to a delicious limited edition book.
– Amazing pesto.
Oh happy friday! I just woke up, it’s 10:30am, and that would be cool except I still have to go to work. My body thinks it’s Saturday, but it’s not. Thank goodness for flex schedules at work.
The HARD:
– Rain & Cold. Even here in nor.cal., it happens and I know we need rain. But part of the reason I love it here is that this weather is rare. It makes me melancholy.
– Work stress. Same old story.
– Someone else asked for my resume, and I’m STILL cowering at the thought of interviewing. I need to get it together, or I will never be out of the job I hate!
– Too much to do! The next couple of weeks are going to be crazy.
The GOOD:
– Almost done with 2 weeks no white flour no sugar…and its become really easy to do this past week. 🙂
– Had a brilliant idea, and if I ever get the chance to try it it will be awesome.
– Had an optometrist appointment and I have 6 new pairs of glasses on the way. I’m not kidding.
– Shoot tomorrow!
– Someone to come look at my chair tomorrow!
This week…has it all just happened it 7 days? It’s good though, I can feel stuff moving in a good way.
The hard:
– someone I care about being justifiably upset about being treated unfairly and not really being sure how to support htem
– worrying about stuff utterly unnecessarily and lapsing back into the ‘try to plan stupidly far in advance thing’.
The good:
– got my teeth into my new MA module – enjoying it so much; and asked for help despite being really anxious about it and the person I asked was awesome. Helped my novel so much.
– meeting up with my lovely cousin in Brixton and some of his friends and hanging out. So relaxing.
– discovering the best bookshop ever and buying myself some books without feeling guilty
– meeting up with awesome make-up artist
– applied and accepted for a volunteer day through my day job
– sunshine!
– finally feeling more energetic and being able to do more yoga
– and seeing ways to do stuff, tiny ideas blossoming.
All in all, pretty damn good. Oh, and I bought beautiful tulips.
Oof.
Hard:
-Feeling stuck in the metaphorical mud.
Good:
+Taking steps to feel more beautiful, inside and out. This week’s epiphany: for me, biggification may be an inside and an outside job, so I can do some work on both ends, meet myself in the middle, and BAM! Especially helpful because when I feel stuck on one end, I can try doing some work on the other end. More of that fractal stuff, I suspect.
Love to all of you…
This…. this whole month has been both positive and dreadful in so many ways. It has been a death and destruction month, but at the same time I’m grateful for so many pieces.
This week’s hard:
– Super-stubborn work hellishness. Sites breaking, frazzled clients, needing to give bad news to my staff etc etc. Last week was bad, but this week was just as bad plus a staffer I don’t manage popped a surprise requirement on me.
– Two acquaintances dead.
– Two family members of dear friends critically ill.
– Living in a converted studio with 2 other people whose only job revolves around getting stuff out of my sublet, which means they are, most often, there 90% of the day. I love them both but I’m very used to living alone.
– Two writing retreats I want to apply to are currently too expensive for me to apply to them.
– Money woes of other sorts.
– Moving woes.
– Brain zap woes. (ow.)
– No time to do nurturances.
This week’s soft:
– Beautiful, gorgeous romance/relationship luminosity. It is amazing how much gratitude he spawns in me. I’m terribly grateful.
– My dog continues to be happy and bouncy and her blindness has not progressed further! She still deceives many people into thinking she’s a puppy, even though she’s 13.
– My uncle’s cancer isn’t going away, but it is also *not* growing (YAAY), and this April he’ll be taking his first trip away from home since he got his 9-12 mos diagnosis… a year ago. 😀 It’s terribly exciting for all of us.
– Humidity. MMM. My skin is no longer cracking.
– My favorite unrelated-baby-love turned 1 year old on Monday!
– One of my dear friends had a son on Tuesday!
– I met the future parentals, and it turned out much better than I’d feared.
– Thai food. Mmm.
Hope to all for a relaxing, peaceful weekend, and joys hiding like jewels in the week to come!
@Hiro: singing lessons are the absolute best! And reach deeper inside than one might think…
Hello everybody!
This week’s hard:
–Feeling enveloped in clutter.
–Getting a referral to an indexing job, and finding out they’re paying what I charged in 1999.
–Having to decide if I have to miss something I count on because of money. Still deciding.
This week’s good:
–Setting an intention, sitting down with colored pencils and giant paper, and designing invitations to my studio (used to be called branding).
–Starting work on my teaching business website! Yes, by looking at one small thing at a time, I can figure out WordPress (with help from Wendy Cholbi, yay!)!
–Being scared of design tasks, and trusting my mystery self that wakes up as I’m falling asleep, and finding an idea. And drawing it. And liking it.
–Doing a puzzle with my sweetheart.
–Practicing with our new sound system!! Helping duo partner buy his beautiful new guitar! We are going to sound wonderful!
–More good client sessions. Starting to see how all this is going to fit together. How I can help people. More things to write and design!!
–The subsiding of the vertigo!!
–Havi’s fractal flowers post. I can’t tell you how much that helps. I’m going to have to put reminders all over the house, because I forget about every two minutes. Fractal flowers. One thing feeds all the others.
Best wishes and seeds to all chickens!
This chicken needs to catch up on at least 2 or 3 chicken-less weeks.
The hard:
– Slightly sentimental about the fact that our festival is coming to an end.
– Farewells related to this end.
– Every single day during the past weeks has been full, full, full.
– My digestive system doesn’t like the pace I have had during the past weeks.
– Total lack of sleep.
– Husband threw something that wasn’t meant to be a shoe but felt like one.
– Constant, constant, constant interaction with other people makes my head spin.
The good:
– The full-on-est time of the festival is over.
– Generally things have gone smoothly, some minor disasters were really just minor.
– The gratitude some people expressed for my work.
– Saw one wonderful performance after the other.
– Support among colleagues.
– Laughter.
– Amazing people.
– 10 minutes of yoga morning and evening: happy back.
– I can have an early night tonight.
You know what would be a fabulous superpower? The ability to make every day not just a good hair day but a great hair day.
That video made me smile.
Hugs to everyone for their hard and cheers for all the good.
@Emily: “Even when I tell people how long things take to get done, they still expect them to be able to be done in a third of the time. Also, I hate explaining the same thing more than 5 times.” Yes. Yes. YES, THIS.
@Elizabeth: “You know what would be a fabulous superpower? The ability to make every day not just a good hair day but a great hair day.” Oooh. Oooh very yes.
My hard:
* skin thin as rice paper, and absolute pants at shoe-deflecting
* no energy for anyone other than nearest and dearest
* really getting too old (or at least too tired) for all-nighters still to be a way of life
* tax mishegoss
My good:
* quality time with nearest and dearest
* kickass last-minute seaweed-scallop soup (without having to make time to go to the store)
* still 7th in fantasy tennis standings as of this morning, in spite of absolute horror show from team (top seeds flaming out in first rounds, etc.)
* draft of major project now in authors’ court
Wishing everyone help with the hard, and raising my beer to toast the good. 🙂
Yes, this week was a loooooong one.
Hard:
No weekend – I have work tomorrow – two hours smack in the middle of the day. Doctors have decided its time to start trying to build some kind of stamina. Then Monday brings PT again.
Pain is still ever present, and an old one has come back with a vengeance – stress related, I’m sure. Still hard to subdue, especially when it comes and goes at its own whimsy.
Another ortho appointment scheduled – there’s fluid on the shoulder that was jammed when I fell.
It’s been wonderful – almost spring-like. Now it’s getting cloudy, with threats of winds and thunder and lightening (yikes! for the dogs) and more Cold with a capital C and mix of rain and snow. Gaaack!
Good:
Got some cleaning and sorting done before wearing out. And some of the piles did not morph! Yay!
Did some new artwork.
Finally got new ink for the printer!
Got some great pics of my puppies and their friends developed. The fuzzy ones alway bring on happy.
So, love to all the hards, and magic bubbles to all the goods that they just continue to grow. And good weekend to those that get one.
The Hard
– Outsider syndrome triggering like woah!
– Family visitations in general.
– People not returning emails mid-conversation.
The Good
+ My cat will eat worming pills from my fingers!
+ Two crochet wossnames done and two more flying to their intended home
+ Realising that I don’t have to go to the place with the thing that will be bleh. I can choose to not go and look after me instead of them.
+ Another mention for my cat and her awesome attitude, “It’s not personal, I’m being feline, it’s what I am.”
Hard
– Deeply sad about something I wish was otherwise. Tears as I try to keep my finger in the dike of inevitability.
– Realising I have run headlong into the consequences of my very, very old make-the-most-of-it-before-they-take-it-away-from-you pattern of taking-under-false-pretences.
Asteya/non-stealing is very hard to live with so much fear so deep-set.
– Too many things to do, impossibly too many, and not being able to rationalise them, to let anything go in case…. in case… in case….
– Which leads directly to the overwhelm, avoidance, shame loop. BORING and, you know, yuk.
– Being the horse with the water right there and STILL… stuck. Frustrated at all these LAYERS.
Good
– The Carpenters mix tape on loop.
– Kefir a. arrived, b. brewed, c. doesn’t taste absolutely awful. Roll on health.
– The Tools game. Soooo much fun seeing as I got Future Me to play it. Love a hope injection in a sad week.
– Got a couple of forms and supporting documents into the mail at laaaaast. Money will be forthcoming. Like, yay me. But, as irritatingly slow as it is, I am at least making some forward motion.
Still, rainy days and Mondays always get me down…
(being okay with this, I am being okay with this, it is okay to be here, even though even though even though)
Hard
Just lots of hard. Heart breaking open. Trying to communicate through it but being pushed very firmly away.
Finding giving space excrutiatingly hard as well as the being rejected.
Venturing out with new friends and feeling exhausted because they talk so much about their drama’s. Ironic!
Craving company, comfort and aloneness at the same time. Getting it all a bit wrong as to which need to respond to and how.
Cubicle boss acting irractically this week and puttin it on me.
Wishing I could just radiate more loving energy so that we didn’t get caught in so much mutual dislike and judgement. SELF JUDGEMENT ALERT!
Having no posts that I want to publish whilst I regain my energy again. thinking how can I think to create a biz when I am still someone who suddenly needs a total break from life’s personal stresses? MAGNIFICATION BUTTON + SELF JUDGEMENT ALERTTTT!
Feeling drained and wanting to know when I can get off this train already??
Missing G. Confusion. Is this a bridge or the end of the road? Not knowing so so painful.
Good
Allowing myself to cry and at the same time not be overwhelmed by it. I don’t buy that my suffering hugely will increase the wellbeing of the world – so allowing myself to cry and to dissipate some of the anxiety and sadness thru tapping/acupressure too.
Interesting, compelling healing and reading from a psychic. (how woo is that??)
Heartbreak leading me to new discoveries about love, communication and our differences that give me some kind of hope for my future and for the big stuff – this business of how to love and live with our seperateness and differences.
Sleeping pretty deeply and well all things considering.
Daily meditation totally holding me together in spite of the hard.
Sorting out a corner of mess on my table.
Moments of laughter and joy at work in spite of difficult conflict which came later.
@kylie: your comment about massage makes me feel so happy, because I’m in massage school and will soon be able to tell people like you, “YES I will make you feel good come see me.” and then they will be happy because of one of the things I do.
@leila: if you want to talk with someone, just talk, we can figure out a good time. I know heartbreak and I know I can’t fix it but I can listen and maybe even say a helpful thing or two. Email me at leela@leelalifecoaching.com if you wanna.
@havi: oh ugh, cold is awful. Wishing you magical warmthitude! And ease.
This week: Another client! Yay! I get so excited about the people I get to work with. Now I will take Urgency Monster to the monster-sitting collective so I can stop worrying that she didn’t get my get-set-up email. I might also send her a backup note.
Good things happening for people I like, yay!
The week, it was too long, but we had a vacation day on Friday which almost made me cry with joy. Also, a lesson: when I get stressed, my brain gets all stuffed up and no longer flows. Necessary to creativity are breaks. I know this, but now I know it again.
A three or four day hiatus from the waking-up-too-early
Good groceries, and learning how to ask for what I want in a mix of Portugese and English instead of all in English.
Sitting by the waves for hours and hours.
Writing almost every day.
Getting a new Thing drafted and ready for tester mice!
two housemates on a trip, which makes the house nice and quiet for thinking in. My inner introvert is totally content.
my superhero sweetheart did something I was dreading for me, a HUGE something, in record time. Which unlocks the door for a lot of other big stuff to happen.
and there were further superheroics from the sweetheart, because I am the luckiest person ever.
The hard:
extra doses of clouds
and rain
while I walked around
and the burnout, it is fierce.
and the chilly, too much, and hard to start fires.
and wanting a week instead of a long weekend to recover.
maintaining the faith is tricky but I am doing it.
shabbat shalom, a little late.
Weekend! It’s Sunday down here already!
Hard:
– I had a Wall, and I scaled it, and it was easy to scale but OMG the hard of it when I got to my feet on the other side. I didn’t even know the Wall existed, but when I scaled it there was days of anxiousness and unwellness and re-settling of my inner core. Icky, annoying, surprisingly unexpected, but OMG I want to paint ALL THE TIME now! (It was all about the Art!)
– Ended family dinners with friends for a bit.
– A friend being particularly draining and hard work. Thoughtless, selfish, stupid… and I refuse to take it on any more. Not. My. Problem.
Good:
– I have started doing art a LOT more. All I want to do is paint stuff!
– A rejection! Yay rejection! This rejection was everything I was hoping it would be and more; my first short story sent out to find a home was rejected. But gosh what a rejection! The editor sent a personal rejection and gave heaps of ideas where my short story could find a home… and they were all Big Name Homes! Yay rejection! It was the best outcome of a complex situation
– I want to write write write write write
– Editing my selkie erotica! I’m back on board baby!
– DH on holidays. Yay holidays!
– Passport time! First time I have had a passport in a decade or two! Once that’s done, it will be time for BUYING PLANE TICKETS! EEEEEEP!
Good luck to every one! May you all do something frightening and exciting and fun!