Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these VPAs to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
And while we’re gwishing, send some love for Portland’s Wheels of Justice. Bouting against the B.A.D. Girls today.
Thing 1: dance dance dance dance
Here’s what I want:
Movement, and lots of it.
Literally, figuratively, symbolically, I don’t really care at this point.
Ways this could work:
With some speedy and intense shivanautical flailing, of course.
With music. In the dark. At the Playground.
Any or all of the above.
My commitment.
To shake things up.
Thing 2: pesach ease
Here’s what I want:
Passover is not even slightly the most annoying holiday, but it does have certain elements that drive me completely batty.
I’d like everything to just kind of work out, without too much effort on my part.
Ways this could work:
Let the gentleman friend be in charge of all the cooking, of course.
My commitment.
To pay attention to what I need, how I’m feeling, and what the new patterns need to be.
Thing 3: updates!
Here’s what I want:
Last week at Rally (Rally!), which was fantastic by the way, I made a lot of progress on various projects and web stuff.
But I haven’t actually updated any of it.
I need to start moving this progress from my brain, notebooks and computer files to where it needs to go.
Also to update the Rally page with success stories, since we’re constantly collecting them.
Like how at this past Rally, someone wrote the mission statement for her new business in a few minutes in the hammock, after being stalled on it for months. Awesome.
Ways this could work:
I could just do it.
Also at Drunk Pirate Council. That could help.
I could find myself in the zone. Or use Shiva Nata to get there.
My commitment.
To ask for help and support. To not try and go it alone.
To cheer for every step, no matter how ridiculously minuscule. In fact, to look for the ridiculously minuscule and start there. Sparklepoints!
Thing 4: a calm, steady knowing-what-to-do
Here’s what I want:
Lots of hard decisions to be made this week.
I’d like to be able to slice through all the ambivalence and just know. Or if I can’t know, to commit to something and see how it goes.
Ways this could work:
No idea.
But I’m receptive to unlikely, perfect, simple solutions showing up.
My commitment.
To breathe and wait.
To say Hello, day.
To wait until Toozday.
To dance, dance, dance, of course.
Thing 5: speedy healing!
Here’s what I want:
Recovering from a physical thing that left me kind of battered and worn out.
Ways this could work:
The magic of bathtime! Ooh, getting more epsom salts.
Early to bed.
All my cells doing what needs to be done. I love you guys!
My commitment.
To appreciate what I can do (dancing! I can still dance!).
To appreciate the workings and the behind-the-scenes of it all.
And to give myself a break when I can’t appreciate anything.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
I wanted progress made on the Playground website, and it happened. Still a work-in-progress, but you can peek here.
Then I asked for momentum to be there with my body practice, which it kind of did and kind of didn’t. Something I hadn’t counted on threw me off track, but all the crazed Shiva Nata definitely helped.
I also wanted to make stuff happen with the Shiva Nata iPhone app, and whooooooo! Yes yes yes.
And I wanted a glass straw. So glad I asked, because the gentleman friend got me one and it is fabulous. Love it even more than I expected to. Apparently I drink way more water when you hand it to me in a glass with a glass straw. Weird.
Thanks to all of you for the loving suggestions. Kisses.
Comment zen. Here’s what I’d love today.
Your own personal ads, small or large. Things you’ve asked for. Or are asking for. Or would like to ask for. Or updates on last time!
Stuff I’d rather not have:
The word “manifest”. To be told how I should be asking for things. To be judged, psychoanalyzed or given unsolicited advice.
Much love for your gwishes! So happy to have you doing this with me.
Follow
Yay for the playground website! And for Rally.
Here’s what I want:
The Main Thing: A House to Live In
Here’s What I Want:
To settle on a more or less okay place to live that’s safe and reasonably comfortable. I can find a better one later.
Ways It Could Work:
The person I really liked could call me back and say “let’d do it.” The other person could call and say the same thing.
One of the two people I meet today could be awesome.
Or…something else fabulous and unlikely could come up.
My Commitment:
Remember that insecurity is a me thing. That I’m cared for and safe whether or not I have housing lined up.
Keep being myself out loud.
Keep looking.
Here what I want:
Faith & knowing. I know I’m doing what I need to do. I know it will work. When I get impatient or freaked out, I want faith and the knowing to come back quickly, easily and without drama and wreckage first.
Ways this could work:
Shivanautical epiphanies at the Tuesday morning shiva practice
Journaling
Shift in events that makes the faith no longer necessary
concretely defining success
my commitment:
do dance with the intention of working in this
to journal & define the success
to start where I am
to lean on the supportives in my life
to stay open to possibilities
oh yeah-
and I still want a place to live
ways this could work:
the guy who hasn’t answered me can say YES!
I find a place even better than that one
it just could in the wacky ways stuff sometimes works. someone here or on twitter could have an answer
(I’m looking for a place where I can walk to the beach and public trans and my cats will be welcome. it should be under $1k/month)
my commitment:
to keep looking, even when I sick of it and discouraged and annoyed with the process
to stay open to ideas i haven’t thought of yet
to remember as Rhiannon said: I’m cared for and safe whether or not I have housing lined up.
Big love on everyone’s wishes, gwishes and wants. Have a great week all!
Last week, well, enough said. Tuesday was a disaster, and my shoulder has been helped by the conjunctivitus and general ill that has made photo editing and writing and being online a lot less attractive.
This week:
The first: This virus has done horrible things to my poor skin, so I would like to get it back to tip top condition as soon as possible.
This ccould happen by:
– moisturising
– drinking loads of water
– cocoa butter
– face mask
– not touching my face
– vaseline on the nose
I commit to:
– stop peering at my face a centimetre away from the mirror
– notice any dialogues of doom
– rest…early nights and plenty of zzzs
The second: Still want to know about the whole getting distracted by something else as soon as I start trying to write something online pattern and shift it.
This could happen by:
– doing shiva nata
– noticing
– making notes in a journal or word document
I commit to:
– not hating myself
– noticing when it’s happening
The third: Let go. This is important this week.
This could happen by:
– shiva nata
– allowing it to just happen
– magic!
– noticing what I’m telling myself
I commit to:
– be open
– believe this will happen
Gwishes – to get the email telling me yes
– to write down ideas
– to find fabulous red hair dye
Wishing luck and love to all my fellow VPA-ers this week! (And don’t we need a better word for that?)
Update on last week:
OMG, I asked for that stuff? There has been so much movement this week that I don’t even remember asking for any of this stuff last week. But! Let’s see how it worked out!
I asked for a metaphor for discipline, because I’m having trouble remembering stuff I’m wanting to do. I got around this entirely by starting Revues and the Book of Me and a bunch of other things. Awareness has superseded discipline. Then I wanted rest. I must’ve gotten it, because I went on a wonderful, three-day work binge that has me all glowing and happy. (Thanks, Havi, for your posts about exiting the middle. Lifesavers, those.) Then I wanted some way to deal with the issue of ergonomics… which I have, apparently, solved by ignoring them entirely. Hallelujah.
So! This week!
Thing 1: Insight About Resting
WIWL
I don’t take breaks. I run myself till I fry. I’d like to stop that, but I have no idea how. I don’t even know what I find to be relaxing.
WTCW
Shiva Nata, of course.
It could just come to me.
I could ask myself pointed questions.
MC
To be patient and loving with myself as I explore.
To do the best I can with what I have.
Thing 2: Continued progress on the middle
WIWL
To keep myself from slipping back into the middle.
WTCW
Keep Havi’s posts about it up in the background.
Ask myself pointed questions about why and how and when I get there.
Brainstorm ways out of it (Stone-Skipping something, maybe?).
MC
To remind myself that exploration like this is meant to be loving.
To be patient.
To read and talk and do whatever I feel I need to.
Thing 3: Let go of fear
WIWL
I made a SH*T-TON of progress this week. Now I’m afraid that if I rest, I’ll lose it all. Change is inevitable – I know that. That’s why I want to not be afraid that the change will be “worse”. It will be what it is: another step.
WTCW
I could read over this when I start to doubt.
I could remember that this is the middle talking.
I can give myself room and time and space to breathe.
MC
To do.
To take notes.
To be aware.
What I want:
Thing 1: to learn to roller skate.
For years I’ve wanted to roller skate and I never learned. One summer I went to the skating rink where they did not have classes but they let me practice and one of the employees skated around with me. Then that came to an end and I still couldn’t skate and I had no place to go to practice. The driveway and sidewalk at my house turned out not to be a good place.
It’s so awesome to read about the roller derby meets on this site. Where I live, roller derby isn’t happening, and I don’t watch television so naturally I don’t see any meets that might be televised in my area.
Anyway, I really want to learn to skate.
Ways this could happen:
-My teenage skateboarder nephew, who may be coming for a long weekend, could teach me. He taught someone else.
-If not him, then someone else.
-The skating rink could start offering classes.
My commitment:
-to make the time to learn and practice.
-to call the skating rink
-to look for a safe place to practice, since the driveway and sidewalk aren’t an option.
-to consider safety by getting elbow pads and a helmet.
Thing 2: THAT phone call to be made that I’ve been putting off for weeks.
Ways this could happen:
-I could just do it and reward myself for doing it (I am a big believer in rewards).
-I could delegate the task to my husband.
-I could link making that call to another activity that I know I am going to do. I could still reward myself for making the call.
My commitment:
-To be gentle with myself about this matter.
-To reward myself for doing it.
-To stop berating myself because “it’s not that big a deal, it’s not like it’s a scary medical thing, it’s holding up everything” etc.
Thing 3: To get travel plans firmed up. If we don’t get things set up, the summer will be here and gone and we will have spent it at home. Again.
Ways this could happen:
-Call the travel agency. Or several travel agencies.
-Sit with the calendar and the internet and my husband and make the arrangements ourselves.
My commitment:
-Soon. Because once the big pieces are in place, there are other things to fit in.
-To pace myself and not put all the travel too close together. Allow time to process experiences. And organize photos.
-To not try to do everything this summer, either. ONE big trip with my husband, ONE major family event.
Thing 4: To trust that my husband will do what is necessary for his health without me nagging.
Ways this could happen:
-I could focus on the things that he does do to take care of himself.
-I could stop myself when I notice that I start to nag.
My commitment:
-To work on my own self care.
-To focus on what he does do for his self care.
Have a great week, everyone.
I wrote out these VPA this morning in my journal, so they’re out there in the universe. But somehow writing them in cyberspace and pressing “submit” seems more like sending them somewhere. So this is the shorter version.
Thing 1:
Dear Lady who rents the workroom next to our apartment.
We need that room so, so much, so that my husband can move all his work stuff and books in there and we can use our third room for the baby. He’s growing so fast and I need the extra space really so badly. Otherwise we’re going to have to start looking for somewhere else to live, and we love this apartment. Just that one room would change everything.
I know you are using it to store stuff, but maybe you could find an alternate solution. You have a big 5 room apartment with only you in it, and we only have 4 rooms and 4 of us living here.
Or maybe one of the other small rooms could become free?
I know you are a kind lady and you loved my son when you met him, so maybe we could find a solution?
Many thanks!
Charlotte
Thing 2:
What I would like: A way to work from home so that I can spend more time with my children and not have to go back to my (shitty) office job when my mat leave ends in June.
How this could happen: I listed loads of ways in my journal this morning!
My commitment: I will keep positive and choose to be the best mummy I can no matter what, I will keep working as hard as I can on my online businesses and I will always put my family first.
Putting it out there now. thanks Havi!
I’ve been lurking for a while, but have finally decided to come out of hiding and post.
The Playground looks so awesome! I hope I can come visit it someday.
Thing #1: I just did this year’s taxes, and it’s making me all nervous about next year’s, since I’ll have to pay self-employment tax for the first time. I’m asking for a good system to easily save up what I need to pay and figure out whether I’ll need to pay quarterly, and to not feel resentful about it.
How this could work: Do a bit of research about the tax rates and find out my estimated tax. Set up an automatic transfer to my savings account so that I don’t even see the money. Work on my stuff and talk it out with my “OMG, you’re poor and always have been and we need to spend that money right now because you’ll never see another dollar again!” monster.
My commitment: To research a system and put it in place earlier rather than later. To find out why I feel so scared about such systems.
Thing #2: To be able to sign up for a twitter account.
How this could work: Um, sign up? And then figure out how it all works and how to talk to people.
My commitment: To give myself a set amount of time to agonize over a name. To give myself permission to lurk for a bit.
Thing #3: To make some writing progress on the blog project and maybe even buy the domain name.
How this could work: Use tax refund for startup costs. Remember that it’s ok to invest in myself. Give myself a set amount of time to agonize over the name.
My commitment: To remember all the ways that now is not like then. To give myself a permission slip to write some ugly first drafts.
Thing #4: (Love and luck to all the fellow housing-hunters!) To find the right apartment: under $500, allows cats, no carpet, has laundry, has character, prefer top floor. And get clarity on which neighborhood to live in.
How this could work: There could actually be a craigslist ad, and I could actually be the first person to get an application in. I could follow up on the leads I have, and one could work out.
My commitments: To follow up on the leads. To stick to what I want, but be open to surprises. To remember where my actual home is (hint: it’s not a physical place).
Here is what I would like this week:
Grace
Balance
Surrender.
And a good recipe for Jerusalem artichokes.
I think I just want Charlotte’s VPA to get answered. But as long as I’m here—and it’s good to be back!—I will ask for something.
What I want: for my stuckness around organization to fall away just as my stuckness around That Other Thing did MAGICALLY, ON ITS OWN this past week.
How this could happen: MAGIC. Or…well, maybe all of the work I’ve done in this area up until now clicks into place. Or…MAGIC.
My commitment: To stay calm. To keep some moments open. To rest. To put aside a little time to plan, so I know what’s lurking. To consider that it’s possible to change.
Havi, I’m just so thrilled by all the progress you’ve made with the Playground. Truly inspiring!
Hey guys!
Good luck to everyone house-hunting right now. Keep the faith!
@Ren – you’re right. We do need a name for VPA-ers. Voopers? Oh goodness. I have no idea. Very Personal Addicts? Ahahahaaaa. That is terrible.
@Sarah – hi! 🙂
@Vicki – awesome about the skating. You can also catch bouts on Derby News Network aka Derby Nerds Network. They do live video streaming of the bigger bouts. See under: LIVE (http://www.derbynewsnetwork.com/live). I watched Bay Area beat Rat City last night in a total crazed nail-biter — it was so great!
Oh myyyyyy the Playground looks so, so beeeyootifulllll! Ohhhhh. Love it!
What I want:
Another fun week at work with my colleague. To feel even more connection with 1 or 2 people there. Earlier nights. To keep noticing how G supports me and how I support us. To let the sweetness of life in.
A timetable to help me tend to my creative dreams after work in a way which is nourshing so that I can do all the basic living stuff to like cook, eat, exercise and create an organised and clean space too. A sense of having enough time. Trust in so many things and ways and possible future selves. The quality of love to infuse all that I do. To do the basics in self care:- to take a moment to breathe deep if/when anxiety gets triggered.
I am committed to doing everything in my power to look after myself and to cut myself (and others) some slack.
I am committed to noticing. I am committed to being my own cheerleader. I am open to reaching out for support.
I am committed to doing one small thing at a time.
Well, a couple of weeks ago, one of the things I asked for was healthy productive making-things time. And I think I’ve gotten that–I’ve made some really great things, without feeling burnt out, and I’m still eager to make more things. But at the same time, things are not going so well at the day job.
What I Want:
Concentration at work. Flow. Progress on all the puzzles and structures I need to work on. Pride in my accomplishments, and the ability to show some important people what I’ve done. Confidence in myself, and in my ability to do more than one thing.
Ways this could work:
I could make some headway this afternoon–maybe showing up even when nobody’s making me and I’m not supposed to will shake things up. I could figure out how to apply Shiva Nata to this somehow.
My commitment:
To talk to my monsters. To remember that I’ve been here before, but that I’ve also been in flow before too. To be curious and pragmatic and not afraid of my projects. To puzzle out all that needs puzzling.
I want a name for VPA-ers too. Very-payers? Hmm.
Since last time…
We have a band name!!!! Two Doors Down!! It feels like we’re a Real Thing now!
My last week’s VPA about reconnecting with my Thing worked! I picked the very next thing to work on, worked on it, and presto!
And I have practiced almost every day this week. Yay!
This week:
#1: To find ways to focus on several Things, in between big hunks of freelance work.
Ways this could work: I could assign a day to each Thing. I could decide on clear next actions for each one.
My commitment: to make actual plans instead of just hoping it happens.
#2: To move forward with difficult sweetheart thing, To do it with awareness and grace.
Ways this could work: Sweetheart could be having the same intention. We could do it together with love.
My commitment: To communicate. To stay in fierce self-esteem so triggers from the past don’t sway me. To remember that all the difficultness is coming from our caring about each other.
Update – I asked for insight. I’ve had that in spades. thank you. So so much.
This week, -sigh-. Where to start.
Thing 1: progress!
Here’s what I want:
I’m making progress at 5,495/10,000 words done of thesis & 2 essays.
I need this to continue so I can give them breathing spaces and revise for my exams.
Ways this could work:
I could make it my Do One Thing.
I could find myself in the zone. Or use Shiva Nata to get there.
My commitment.
To breathe.
To go for a walk (and please find an empty swing!!)
To dance.
Thing 2: Students for my shivanata classes
Here’s what I want:
I made a classes list this week and one student has signed up 🙂 this is fab, except I’d like classes to have 3-4 people ideally.
I’ve taught meditation before and found that having one person can be just too intense when trying something new.
Thus I’d please like 2-3 more people who can make my classes or who’ll email me to arrange for alternative dates. The dates are not yet fully set so; if you’re interested, please give me a message.
Ways this could work:
I could give you the link here: http://wingsofflight.wordpress.com/classes
I can dance.
I can email people and mention it on twitter.
I don’t know. Word of mouth? Someone could pass on the link?
I could look at advertising in the local natural health centre?
My commitment.
To be open.
To breathe.
To trust that the right number of people will show up.
To say Hello, day.
Have a fab week all!
You guys are the BEST. And Wheels of Justice won the bout, 167-123! In case you were wondering, which I’m just going to pretend you were because it was awesome.
I second the dancing!
What I want:
1. Calm and focus.
2. To get caught up on the things I’m behind on.
Ways This Could Work:
1. Mindfulness. Meditation. Maybe shiva nata.
2. Accomplishing #1 would help.
My commitment:
To breathe deeply.
To notice what’s around me and RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FACE.
Progress: talks with my hubby of awesomeness. Connection in a heart-to-heart way!
Two things I need to get clear on (I guess that’s the VPA, maybe?)
1) Space
WTCW – make my house shiny and rearrange stuff. Play the tile-picture game. Some kind of ritual or time-delineator.
I will… try to do a little bit each day. Not be so hard on myself for all the stuff that I haven’t done.
2) Friendship with Negative Woman.
WTCW – she just stops making the ouchie and finding shoes all over everywhere. I could stop letting myself be in the crossfire/fallout. Some magical words for asking her to stop might find their way into my brain, or I might somehow stop minding.
I will… be patient. Listen to my body when it says ‘enough’. Hope for some development or wonderful advice that crystallises everything to wonderful sparkly clarity.
Congratulations to the Wheels of Justice lasses!
Oh my, the Playground looks even more inviting than I imagined and now I want to get to the west coast even more than I did before- sigh!
VPA:
I want to get through Wednesday’s meeting feeling like myself during and afterward.
I want to spend time with the monster who says “what makes you think you can do that?” when I envision the “thing.”
I want warmer weather and no more rain for awhile.
How this could happen:
I can continue to remind myself ( kindly) that I feel so much better when I give room for all the feelings.all. the. feelings. I can remember that when I rehearse my announcement for the meeting too much, I lose the essence and the “me” drops away. And, I can be okay if I do it however I do it.
I could choose to work with my monster instead of watching t.v. I could have a conversation in the bath – I LOVE baths.
My committment:
Not to rehearse. Lot’s of yoga/breathing and journaling.
Shiva Nata – even for 3 minutes.
I am so tickled by your saying ‘love you guys’ to your cells. Hope they respond!
Thing 1: New Job
I have a new job! Executive Assistant to the CEO of a charity! I have my own office! I’m terrified.
Here’s what I want:
To do my job well, efficiently and mindfully, without thinking of it as an Overwhelming Heroic Quest.
Ways this could work:
I could keep talking through my fears, with friends, on my blog, with my PARENTS (how about telling my troubles to my parents for a change?)
I could pray about it.
I could do Shiva Nata on it.
I could make time every day to make sure my desk is tidy and my tasklist is coherent.
My commitment:
I’m committing to the last one of those. And I’m saying a tiny little prayer right now for help with the other three.
Thing 2: Housework
I’m forcing at work. Must not procrastinate! Force force force! I’m also terrified of possibly becoming a soulless grown-up if I get too competent. Thusly, all my procrastination is coming out at home and I’m not doing my share of the housework. It’s like starving all day and then bingeing in the evening. Housemate is appalled that I can be so hopelessly non-together at home and then go to work and do fine at a high-powered job. She wants to see more of Responsible Work Eve at home. This means I have to stop forcing and find another way to approach this, because I can’t starve all the time.
What I want: To find a compassionate, non-forcing way to be efficient (ish!) at work and at home. To reassure myself that I can do that and not lose my soul.
Ways this could work:
Prayer.
Shiva Nata.
Alligator Stuck Gunk Stew.
Talking through my issues with friends.
My commitment: I'm committing to the last two and saying a little prayer for help with the first two. And I might spend some time hanging out with Mary Poppins – something's been nudging me to rewatch the film for a while.
Thing 3: Destuckified Spirituality
Here's what I want: To restart my various destuckification practices and bring them to bear on my relationship with God. That means:
2-5-1 (I'm already doing the 5, sort of. I want my 2 to be one session of Shiva Nata and creative writing (I write best when I've just Shiva Nata'd) and one session reading this very blog and doing the suggested homework. And I want to set out some reminders for myself re the 1.)
Spending time on the new Shiva Nata forum and posting on the the Shiva Nata research website.
Journalling
Using my destuckification techniques, especially Alligator Stuck Gunk Stew.
I keep resolving to do all these things and then not!
Ways this could happen:
I could tell all this to my buddies and ask them to include these things in my daily to-do lists, but I've tried this in the past and they don't appreciate that the 2 appointments with myself are a MUST. They keep trying to leave them out or substitute other creative pursuits.
I could do this SECRETLY WITHOUT TELLING THEM. Although they'll find out eventually if and when I start blogging about it, and they'll probably have advices about whether I should be spending my precious time on this.
I could speak to them directly and say: look, whatever you think of this, I will be doing it, with or without your support.
I could start it secretly and then say the above if they find out and challenge me about it.
I could do some Shiva Nata about why I'm feeling so frightened of them challenging me, when they usually treat me with respect and don't push.
I could accept that this is a tiny, sweet thing and I can tell people when I feel ready.
I could creep towards it in tiny baby steps rather than trying to swallow this big change whole (to mix a metaphor!) So today I’ve started doing my homework on the blog and making Alligator Stuck Gunk Stew. That’s great progress!
My commitment:
The last two.
Oh man. Italics fail!!
So much is up in the air right now! Lots of wishes, and gwishes.
What I want:
More security in my career direction
How this could happen:
I could hear back from that prospective client I’ve been waiting on.
I could hear from some other, magically-appearing client.
New projects could branch off of my existing projects.
My commitment:
To be open to good news.
To be open to *bad* news, without panicking.
To remember that I am legitimately good at my job and will eventually succeed at it, even with roadblocks.
To keep being the person I’d hire if I needed to hire someone to do my job.
What I want:
Easy creativity. Free-flowing ideas.
How this could happen:
I could carefully manage the space around me to be welcoming to creativity.
Events could conspire to give me lots of smooth, easy uninterrupted time and space to work.
My mind could wake up in the morning just ready to come up with great stuff.
I could look at things in a new way that makes everything exciting and inspired.
My commitment:
To get sleep, so my brain will actually work
To give myself permission to just write without worrying about bad or cheesy stuff coming out.
To accept that sometimes writing is hard, and not blame myself for that.
What I want:
To be ready for my gentleman friend’s visit next week.
How this could happen:
There could be time to clean the apartment, like, a lot.
I could have great ideas about things to eat and fun places to go.
My schedule could fall into place the right way so I’ll have lots of time to spend with him.
My skin and hair could cooperate and not conspire to freak out at the last minute.
My commitment:
To remember that this is someone who already loves me, and whom I love very much, and that no matter what, we’ll be happy to see each other and have a great time together.
The Playground looks so wonderful. I really want to get there someday.
How could that happen? I could start a Secret Playground Fund, hiding a little of my money bit by bit, maybe in a colorful sock — or in a hat, like my floppy blue velvet hat. I could keep my eye on the calendar of events, and imagine, and dream.
Meanwhile, I commit to playing in solidarity in my own magical space, here on the other side of the continent. I commit to bringing levity and light and color and clarity and freedom and fun into my world.
I wasn’t sure whether I was going to write a VPA this week, but I think I just did. Gwishhhhhhh!
Updates from last time:
-Stiff and weird body stuff seems to have mostly gone away. I did some yoga this morning and really loved the streeeetch it gave me.
-Still haven’t removed many to-dos from my sticky-note bulletin board, but I have made progress on clearing out things that should hopefully help that to happen in the future.
-My email is relatively in hand, for the moment. More excavating to be done this week.
What I want this week:
-Routines, rituals, traditions. I want to build them, and let them build themselves, one step at a time. I want to work on listening to what works rather than imposing What Should Work on myself. Because that never, ever works in the long run.
-To find a different word than “routines.” It’s not quite right. Customs? Ceremonies? Rites? Methods?
-To continue the practice of Extreme Vanity Diva Self-Care to my whole body. Because I love pretending that my body is a spoiled lap-dog. It’s like therapy for all the years I did my best to ignore it and make it go away.
Keywords:
-Creation, beauty, metamorphosis.
Ways this could work:
-A series of sticky notes. One step at a time. Revision and revision and even reversion, if necessary.
-Thesaurus, of course. Keeping an eye out for splendid new words during reading and conversations.
-Make it immediately fun, as well as rewarding after the fact. With music or a favourite TV show or a podcast, etc.
My commitment:
-To keep doing just one thing.
-To make notes of what works, especially by spending more time in my new little windowseat/morning sanctuary thingy.
-To go dig through my cupboards in search of forgotten fun toiletries, and try some crazy crafty home remedies.
Progress! Some of it of the clear solution variety, some of it of the huh-everything-just-seems-better-somehow variety. Both are welcome! Onto this week:
What I want: To learn more about two related secret wishes that seem far away and also impossible, even though objectively speaking I know they are not. Let’s lump a third into this category, too.
Ways it could happen: Um, epiphany? Have a feeling it’s gonna have to be an epiphany. But I’m open to an assortment of sources of insight. (Am I speaking English? Sounds like gibberish in my head.)
My commitment: To Shiva Nata. To explore the ways I DON’T want these gwishes to happen. To invoke some quality of innocence. And ingenuity.
Happy wishing to all! (The pictures of the Playground are magical and cheery and bright. Can’t wait to come back 🙂