In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
Okay, this week has gone by freakishly fast.
I would totally be on strike right protesting the unfair fact that it’s already Friday, if it weren’t for the fact that I was also so happy about it being Friday. Hi, Friday!
Let’s do this.
The hard stuff
I am ready for a nap.
This week was crazy busy — with brilliantly good things — and now I am ready for someone to tuck me into bed and bring me tea.
And then I would like to not do anything for a while.
Many related projects would all like my attention at the same time.
They make clamoring sounds and then go ooooof when I’m not with them, and I have to keep reminding them about the fractal flowers.
Stupidity gives me a headache.
Someone (not you!) publicly asked someone else a mean and also not very intelligent question (not here!) that tried to belittle my work.
And I was going to respond to it but thinking about it gave me a headache, and arch, headaches. Also it’s true that not everything requires a response, but sometimes I kind of hate that.
So I just ranted to the Rallygators and made them take notes for me because I was thinking too fast, and they all giggled, and then I felt better. Plus now I have notes, so I can write a post about it at some point too.
All better now.
No more Island Time. Sadface me.
I was really loving Island Time, even if it was just metaphorical.
But it had to stop because Rally Time (which is also magical) trumps everything else.
And now I could go back but I have all this stuff to do, so there’s a conflict and I have not resolved it yet, though the monster collective are in negotiations.
Lack of firgun.
I have to write about this concept so that everyone who is not Israeli can understand what I’m talking about.
But trust me. It sucks.
The good stuff
Ohmygoodness so much good stuff this week.
Normally my chickens are pretty balanced, and I’m relieved to find out that what I thought was a depressing and challenging week was actually full of bright moments.
But this week rocked.
I am whooshing joy and tripping on delight. Also tripping over it, but not stubbing my toes.
Rally! (Rally!)
I thought nothing could possibly be as good as Rally #11, which was a pretty spectacular Rally, so I was prepared for the eventuality of everything-is-different-now.
But Rally #12 has been incredible.
Sweet, wonderful, funny, bright people to play with. Creative projectizing. Silliness and laughter.
It went by in a blur of happy.
Monsters on holiday.
Usually I spend about half of Rally talking to the monsters and half of Rally working on my project. Which is a pretty good way to do it, actually.
Especially since Rally is really about your relationship with yourself and your relationship with your projects. And how to make that relationship more about exploration, curiosity, creativity and fun.
So your project could be something like “What would make things not suck so much?” or “How can I sneak around my fear of rejection” or “Figuring out what my project would be if I had one”.
But this time — even though I was ready to monster-dialogue as necessary, my project just wanted to play and play and play with me. Monsters were all, go for it, kiddo.
Completely in the zone.
Seriously I have never been so productive in my entire life. Even for a Rally! Things were just whizzing out and finishing themselves.
In fact, I planned my entire schedule for next year, which wasn’t even part of my Rally project. And it only took two hours (last year it took eight days).
Feeling peaceful, content, happy, joyous and a bunch of other really weird things.
It’s unusual, yes. But I give it five stars.
Holy crap I bought a bathing suit. Imagine many exclamation points here.
Not just the purchasing of it but get this: I’m not freaking out about any part of it.
Even though really, what’s more traumatic than bathing-suit shopping? Somehow not traumatic this time. Incredibly.
Also you’d think I’d be a good ten years past the age at which one can make a polka-dot bikini work, but no. Cuteness.
Because my Rally project told me too.
My project has been very insistent about me having to go to Hawaii.
I don’t know what’s up with that, but it keeps coming up just relentlessly. So fine, I bought the damn bathing suit. We’ll see what happens.
And I have to say, I’m kind of liking how enthusiastically opinionated this project is. Between my joyful happy buzz and its lively plans, I think we’re going to keep having fun together.
Being alive.
Feeling very appreciative of things like breathing. And this house-for-me that is my body.
And how perfect and delicious a really good sandwich can be.
I know it’s the shivanautical buzz, but it’s really, really, really sweet.
And … playing live at the meme beach house it’s the Fake Band of the Week!
My brother and I have this thing where we come up with ridiculous band names and then say in this really pretentious, knowing tone, “Oh, well, you know, it’s just one guy.”
This week’s band is brought to you by the hilarious Shiva Nata class we had at Rally:
The Eight Possumbilities
They’re opening for that one band. Except you know what’s weird? It’s actually just one guy.
That’s it for me ā¦
And of course you can join in my Friday ritual right here in the comments if you feel like it.
Yes? Anything hard and/or good happen in your week?
And, as always, have a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come. Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s okay if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — you can join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.
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Good morning starshine, the world says hello! You twinkle above us, we twinkle beloooow…
or maybe sunshine, lollipops and rainbows and everything that’s wonderful is what you feel after shiva nata!!
Lovely lovely chicken Havi! Good for you.
Here smine.
Hard shtuff
Mess. It is building up around me. Combination of too much on and too little energy. Plus attendant guilt and resentment and procrastination and eeeewww. And the other kind of why like ‘How do people keep their houses so much cleaner than me with what would appear to be a much heavier schedule than me???’ I guess this is because I fell off my Evening Rituals For Easy Mornings project two months ago and haven’t got back on it… That was when the questions were more curious than judgey….. *sigh* Progress… it is slow.
New job brain melt
Echoes of old traumas between me and my love. Only faintly and occasionally. It is PTSD. Tender scars and old, protective mechanisms that twitch. Poor mechanisms. So hurt.
Good shtuff
Getting used to feeling crap so it’s less noticeable. Maybe got more sleep this week or something.
GOT MY MONEYS FROM CRAZY BUREAUCRACY!!! Some pennies from heaven in another form have also eventuated and more cashmoneys are in the pipeline too. And I have no bills! And no IOUs! AND money set aside to invest in myself and my thing (thing!) to make seventeen squillion times the investment and ooooooh possibility!! (oh oh, now I need to define my thing!) Still…. really? It feels great!!!
Mum is coming down tmrw and will help me with the clean up. Muuuuuum!!! Yaaaay muuuuummmyyyyy!! (Why yes I am actually only eleven years old how could you tell?)
My love bought little lad a proper teeny tiny violin fit for a four year old. (Santa had brought him a full size one at Christmas from the second hand shop which he really dug but made his neck do things that necks should not do). Ohhh the cuteness that is a music obsessed four year old with a new toy. Happiness defined.
My love. For all the crap we’ve been through… I dunno. Was it worth it is not the right question. We are still here. It is good.
That is all. Cluck.
An early chicken!
The Hard:
thoughts in my head that I don’t want. I know what to do with them, but still, go away.
hair at weird stage. please grow faster.
can’t remember mailing the Very Important Letter from yesterday, so I have to go to the office today to find it.
The Good:
So many new clients. So so grateful and happy.
Planning a trip, oh how I love planning a trip. And realizing I don’t have to stay AT Kripalu, I can stay down the street in a cozy place with my own bathroom and coffee when I want it and just walk to Kripalu everyday for the yoga and hiking and dancing. Or not. Oh, heaven is having options.
Friends in town! Bestest high school friends.
Discovering the magic that is grilled eggplant and zucchini.
The best dots ever ARE the ones doing the polka. Yes.
The hard:
– I wasted an entire day on a problem with my programming environment that meant my project refused to compile. Nothing wrong with the project, but it reported numerous errors and all the usual tricks to resolve it weren’t working. Very annoying.
– This weeks was the customer meeting I didn’t want to do. Ugh. Must stop doing things i don’t want to do – they are energy vampires. Ugh.
– Helped mom look at nursing home ratings for grandpa which is no fun. Plus then she told me she is unlikely to put him in one until the decision isn’t really hers anymore, at which point it will be unlikely that we’ll get a choice anyway. So what was the point?!
The good:
– Stupid compile problem solved. Yay!
– Stupid meeting done! Actually accomplished more that day than I expected, and of course got paid for it. So not all bad.
– Discovered issue tracking/source code trick that I just love. So cool.
– I actually feel ahead of the game going into Friday. Hurray!
Have an awesome weekend!
Another chicken…already? I seem to have spent most of the last week asleep, and I’m feeling all the better for it.
The hard:
The tired.
The old fears and patterns that come with the tired. Draining, fearful, sad.
Slight hair dye issue, so now my hair is apricot instead of red. Whoops.
Thursday sucked. So tired, in such a foul mood, didn’t even feel like reading a book, body not at all happy.
Money anxiety hovering in the wings ready to pounce.
The good:
Resting, reading books, napping. It feels like there’s more room now for what wants to grow. Also, documented evidence that the world has not in face ended because I’ve taken a break.
Really positive meeting with my dissertation supervisor.
I discovered both Nakd bars and yummy sugar free chocolate.
Exciting new Cath Kidson mug perfect for giant cups of chai.
New haircut. I no longer look like I haven’t been to the hairdresser in six months.
With the exception of Thursday, feeling very peaceful and grounded and happy now.
Ideas! I has them.
My kitties are being particularly adorable.
Now…time to finish my chai and getting my website into the world.
Have a gorgeous weekend tout le monde.
I think I need to do this today. Normally I fly with the weeks and never look back but this week needs a rewind.
The hard:
– Overwhelmed with stuck
– An episode where the person I love most in the world stops me in my dreamy tracks and blurts “but you are not that!”
– Unfathomable rudeness at work and the feeling that I need to go and soon, just I don’t know where.
– Wanting so much to be free of having to work for someone who doesn’t share my values and then becoming stuck all over again.
The good:
– A great meeting with my career development advisor.
– Finally, after ten years of having a certain book around, I’m committed to fulfilling the program it suggests. Incredible.
– Not thinking, doing, attending a workshop with an open mind.
– Again, not thinking but doing, sent an email and proposed an encounter with a potential new friend. I know it sounds weird but we collided in the funniest way and I’m really excited about meeting her. Hopefully we’ll get along.
– Scheduling a weekend of silent retreat. No phone, computer, or even talking. So I’ll gather my provisions so I don’t have to even order takeout.
have a great weekend!
All of my projects are always always telling me to go to Hawaii. I really should get on that. Hawaii!
The hard:
-This week, I felt insanely, ridiculously stuck. Just stuck. Mired, in fact. It was really hard.
-I want to eat something yummy, but it just hasn’t been working out.
-Random loneliness, with a side of “poor me”. Not so yummy.
-Fear that I completely suck at having fun.
The good:
-Excited about upcoming travels, even with the fun-fear going on.
-Last night I negotiated with my stuck, and it seems to have been somewhat productive.
-Woke up this morning able to experience the beauty going on around me, which I could see all week but just couldn’t access. Now I’m more in it.
Happy weekend, everybody!
The Hard…. uf. I don’t want to dwell on it, but it’s been stressful. However, I find I’m very much ready to push back despite all the stress inducing phone calls it takes to fight this bill. And yesterday, all detective style, I scored some proof of my claim which I now have ready if I need it.
So let’s move on to the good!
I launched 50% for 50-for-50! I’m donating 50% of my proceeds from my zazzle shop, Rocklawn Arts, to Colleen’s amazing fundraiser for WriteGirl. I feel really good about it.
Also, fresh local blueberries that were so amazingly tasty! Huzzah!
Have a great weekend, everyone!
Dog days of summer, but we finally have cooler sleeping weather. Yay!
Hard:
Waiting. Isn’t that usually the case?
Feeling overwhelmed by all the work needed for the new website.
Waiting.
Good:
The beadwork is going along so smoovely and I am having so much fun.
Two good friends are back in town for the week. Yay!
Marty’s had more interviews in the past week than he’s had all summer.
New website. š
Cooler sleeping weather.
Cooler waking weather. Getting to do my job sitting under the tree in the front yard.
Happy weekend, y’all!
Cheers Chickeneers!
The Hard:
– At work, personal office doors are found mysteriously open. Some people have had a few things stolen. My door was found open on Wednesday but I won’t be in until Monday to check on things.
– One of my yoga teachers devoting an entire class to handstands … so scary… but I lived through.
– Soreness from increasing my workouts. Ouch!
The Good:
– Time has felt so spacious and abundant this week. There is ample time for everything I want to do. (this weirds me out) Normally this time of year I am crazed.
– Massive productivity on things that I was avoiding because they seemed boring or hard. And it turns out I enjoyed working on them.
– Settling back into a home routine after vacation.
congrats on the non-PTSD inducing bathing suit trying on and actually purchasing! yahoo!
chicken!
the hard:
– strange time warpiness that left me feeling as if i never knew what day/time/era it is/was.
– epic bitchiness (mine) — i didn’t even know i had it in me, this level of bitchiness and “everything sucks” and “everyone pisses me off” and “i’m going to start screaming in about one second…”
– huge shame over having the epic bitchiness
– car karma SUCKS — i now have two separate parts stuck to my car with duct tape, a cracked windshield and a droopy front end — all of these things have happened in the last 10 days….?
– too much dealing with my relentless real live monster (father of my awesome child) and his magical thinking about everything…. you know those people who are so good at being crazy that they make you think it is you who are crazy even when you know deep inside you are not? he is their leader.
– money sadness
– writer’s block
the good:
– i didn’t blow up on anyone.
– i made a super good Class of 1983 (high school!) playlist on itunes and it reminds me of happier times.
– saw Stevie Nicks at Red Rocks Amphitheater — amazing show, amazing night under the stars.
– i actually picked up my mail after avoiding it for, oh, i don’t know, two weeks? progress.
i’m ready for this week to be over.
xo chickeners + non-chickeners
Chicken!!! Cluck cluck!
The hard stuff
I had three days with my other half.. and for various reasons, I was continually stressed. Which stressed him out. -sigh-
Guilt. Confusion. Why-am-i-so-stressed-while-on-holiday?! questions.
Missed chilling time spent crying.
He’s gone now – 150 miles away for the next 12 weeks. Fear. Pain. Worry. Old Stuff. Old Pain. Old fears.
A couple of weeks ago [while I had the flu, she’d cut open her hand and we’d spent 6 days in a tent + 10 hours on trains home….] I had an argument with my housemate.
She’s now told us she’s moving out. Trying not to take it personally – other housemates had already said “hope she comes back” after she went on holiday. Now She’s Not.
Panic. Guilt. Trying to remember that her reactions are her business. It’s her stuff. It’s not a shoe.
needing a new housemate –
Mini-VPA: please let some nice, kind, female with clean and tidy habits and a good sense of humour join our house. Pretty please. I commit to giving everyone a chance to show these qualities when I meet them.
Being Back with the Parents – waking early, sleeping too late, rules, lack of freedom, adjustment, lack of sensitivity. Difficult.
My grandfather has early-signs of Altzeimers yet is refusing treatment. Difficult. Painful. Confusing. Trying-to-respect-his-stuff.
The good stuff
A few really amazing moments. Going to the hawk conservancy. Finding a restaurant I can eat something different in [fussy eater]. Reading a great book.
Making plans for my birthday – my friend driving up [and driving my other friends up if they come] with ready for amazing food, laughter, maybe a movie, chilling & generally just good things ensue with the people I’ve invited.
Excited!
Planning a mini-rally for myself next week as parents will be back to work, I’ll be free to walk in nature and sing loudly during the day. I have a project of what came up last week and I know what I’d like to do – what conversations with which monsters to have. Should be good.
Shivanata/Exercise: Got a possible workshop lined up which should push me out of comfort enough to grow. Been getting back to exercise and dancing this week which is fabulous. Can’t wait for another week of it!
Thank you for providing this space and to all commenter mice for contributing; have a glorrious weekend and amazing week.
Chicken time!
The hard:
– Husband off to very unsafe place, so hard to say good-bye and to see him off at the airport.
– Going on holiday without him.
– Seeing my parents interact.
The good:
– I am in a beautiful place very high in the mountains for one week – hiking, weather so much better than expected,
air and water the purest ever.
Oh, Friday. Here you are, at last.
This week’s hard:
– There’s an appointment I need to make, but when you call you have to leave a message and wait for them to call you back. Which could be an hour later or a couple days later. Been playing phone tag with these people for more than a week now, and getting really, really frustrated.
– My planned afternoon off not panning out. I put some stuff off earlier in the week so had to deal with that rather than going out to play.
– Giant person-eating weeds in the garden that cropped up overnight. Nine giant yard waste bags of them.
– An item I really need to complete a customer order has been on backorder for weeks.
This week’s good:
– Carved out a little time to do some badly needed brainstorming.
– Made a decision to discontinue a product line that didn’t make me excited to produce anymore. Dread and weight lifted.
– Got a couple very nice checks from my galleries this week. Summer is usually slow for galleries, so it was a nice surprise.
Happy Friday, Chickeneers!
The Hard
-A three hour cooking session Sunday night when I’d rather be chilling on the couch. It’s my fault, really, for buying my husband a subscription to Cook’s Illustrated.
-Not having enough uninterrupted time to work on my website revamping.
The Good
-For the first time in two years, my weight loss attempts are actually working.
-I’ve made a major shift in my business and am feeling clarity and confidence like never before.
The Hard:
-Battling some pesky mood issues. Lots more downs than I’d like. Feeling sad, lost, and bad about myself.
-Not so crazy about new haircut. Small beans, I guess. But I miss my hair length.
The Good:
+Got what I wanted at work without even asking directly for it!
+Got a chance to catch up with a dear friend.
+Lots of engaging reading going on. I love fiction.
+Feeling like I have good support right now.
+It’s less humid, and I can feel fall is coming soon. Relief, and a chance to be outside more.
+Journaling more to understand my thoughts better.
Hard:
* multiple episodes of gastric distress
* throwing out food that was probably okay because I didn’t want to risk more GI woe
* way less progress on various projects than I’d planned
* feeling fretful/fearful about resources, timing, etc.
Good:
* Progress is still progress
* Offloaded assorted magazines and books
* A meeting I chaired went well; compliments on my meeting-running skills
* Quality times with doggie and sweetie
* Two of my favorite octogenarians treated me to lunch, and so did a mentor
* Catching up with another peep over orange sorbet and berries
* Postcards! and thank you notes, and letters/messages in general
Wishing everyone help with the hard, and happy more-ness with the good stuff
Hawaii is lovely – your project must love you š
Friday? Excellent. Glad to hear it.
The Hard
-trying to fit everything in, feeling overwhelmed about fitting things in
-some money stress
-short staffed at work
-overeating. again.
The Good
-using what Iām learning, playing habits detective; even tho thereās some hard, it feels like I am approaching the hard in a productive manner
-some good quality time with Josh
Happy weekend!
Just a real quick chicken because well, I should be working (shh)
The Good
* I has awesome feelings of competence and decided to go look at craigslist for writing gigs. Will be emailing a person who needs her book proofread tonight (email is written, but should not actually send it on work time from work computer). *fingers crossed* this is huge progress to finding a way to work from home somehow.
* put together a list of similar gigs that I should apply for.
* my coworkers are amazing and my cubicle is filled with balloons and confettis and a rose plant and poppers that shoot more confettis.
* awesome coping with stress in times of change at work yesterday. dude was awesome and i got to legitimately not work at work (see below).
The Hard
* vacation is over!
* i have to work at work (obviously) but i have no desire to work. i want to go back to vacation-land.
Havi, reading about you feeling good makes me feel good.
@Seagirl: āHeaven is having options.ā I agree! I also like having alternatives, choices, and possibilities. If anyone asks, Iāll tell you what Virginia Satir said about that.
The stock market seems to be going nuts some days but I decided long ago that our investments were Imaginary Money, and I leave worrying about that stuff to MrB (my husband), who knows what heās doing. Heās turning some of that imaginary money into Real Things:
The kitchen being redone (finished Aug 9)
Plumbing work, starting Aug 16. Itās going to be expensive and itās hard that we have to do it, but itās good that we can afford to pay for it without taking out a loan.
Garage repairs, starting Aug 22. This one has been looming for a while because there is known water and insect damage and serious mold problems.
A trip to the Art Museum in St Louis for us and my mom and my nephew.
New shoes for me.
Picture frames and art supplies.
And Rally! Rallies, actually. MrB and I will both be at Rally in September and Iāll be there again in February.
Today I was procrastinating on a task (painting the interior of the kitchen cabinets) by hanging out at the bookstore cafĆ© and I invited a friend I hadnāt seen for a while to have coffee with me. He really needed someone to talk to and wasnāt sure if he could call me, so I was glad I did that instead of the painting.
It all works out. Somehow.
Have a great weekend, everyone.
Hard:
My lover came to my city and stayed with their other partner and I didn’t see them. That part was okay. The hard part was not knowing if I was going to see them while they were here. Waiting for a text that might never come. Ouch. I did not like that.
My father commissioned two necklaces for my mother’s birthday and I didn’t have the spoons to make them for most of the week because of the first bit of hardness. So yesterday I worked very late doing the tedious and fiddly things like concealing all the loose ends of the weft threads.
I spent some time talking to a person who thought they knew how I worked. And who was trying to impress me with their exploits and actually made me cringe because what they think is a funny story I think is a story about them ignoring boundaries and assuming consent that hasn’t been negotiated and generally behaving in ways that are Not Cool. And they splained things to me and told me what I should do. So that was frustrating and upsetting and I didn’t like it, but I nodded and smiled and let them splain because I wanted to fit in.
My lover is in a field. I can’t talk to them, because they’re in a field and not on the Internet. Sad face. They’ve been online enough to have a conversation with for one day this week and all we discussed was travel logistics. Ouch ouch ouch. I miss them.
Good:
A friend moved back to my city! Yay! I got to spend time with them! More yay! We discussed relationship boundaries and maybes and wait-and-sees and then we cuddled and then we went back to talking about many lany things.
Yay! Person!
We made plans for my lover to come to visit me next week. If all goes well, I will be able to go to a tea-shop with them on my birthday. Yay!
I declared a birthday party for the first time in three years. Even though I have an ingrained fear of people hurting me if I initiate anything. People are excited about my party.
Yay! Party!
I shipped those two necklaces in plenty of time for them to arrive by my mother’s birthday. I will be paid for them. Yay! Money for making things I love to make!
It seems that there must be a ritual for returning to the Chicken after so many weeks’ absence.
So I’ve put on a spot of tea, am listening to the cicadas and frogs and other singing-night-things outside, reading along on everyone’s week. There is a cardinal on a branch right outside the window. About 6 feet away. In the twilight. Throbbing with song.
Hugs for hardness. Cheers for goodness.
(Also, wow. A swimsuitofnondoom. Impressive, that.)
Hard:
-conference for work. the usual baggage that goes with that, i.e., other human beings and my extreme discomfort with them.
-resentment over some money issues. pattern alert!
-not doing the things that I know need to be done to decompress following work-travel. the ensuing doom.
-the always-wishing there was something more. different. not this. to be doing.
Good:
-the conference was in a beautiful and pleasant place. I allowed myself to be who I am. To talk most to the people I like best. To go to bed instead of going out.
-being able to help when I can.
-finally doing the thing that is important to recovery. returning to routine. hands in wool. all that is quiet and comforting. (and acknowledging that my introvertish needs are valid.)
-windows open! the smell of fall-to-come in the air. the idea that summer will end.
-good music, even if it was against my inclination to go be in a crowd.
-funnies at the zoo (let’s just say, elephants have very large appendages, which can be enjoyed from afar in the right company).
Chicken! I have missed you! And the company of fellow chickeners!
As per usual, calling chicken amnesty from the Australasian continent, where it is already half-way through Saturday.
The Hard
– The extreme stuck of the paralyzing fear-genre that descended upon me for a couple of days.
– Going to the loud, bustling market when what I really needed was to be at home, quietly eating lunch or perhaps napping.
– Trying to push through disconnection, which resulted in even more disconnection, which resulted in monsters jumping in with doom stories.
– Not having strategies for rest when taking a nap isn’t working and we don’t have a bath.
The Good
– We found a house! A lovely little house with a porch where we can sit in the summer and vegetable patches and a temporary cat. And a bath!
– The Babely got the job! Financial stability + the good sort of challenge for the Babely. Hurrah!
– I joined two groups this week! And met a whole bunch of people who I really enjoyed hanging out with.
– Friends, in many places.
– Enjoying season two of the fantastically ridiculous but entertaining series that is Outrageous Fortune. People, it’s worth sticking with the awful low-budget production and dodgy acting of the first season.
– Support and community in abundance.
What I’d like from next week
More ways to take care of myself when I’m needing to slow down and rest. A gentle, steady pace. Things unfolding organically without me rushing them. Hanging out with friends. Non-forced appreciations of the community and support I have in my life. Sharing freely – abundance!
Love to all!
x
Reading the comments is such a pleasure – I shall add it to the good of the week.
*** The Hard ***
– Brain Scramble. After months of overcharging myself and then some added complications I have a hard time concentrating on anything but the essential.
– Disorganization inside my little studio. There is too much stuff and most of it has to go before I move – it will be tough.
– Heart Break. Missing and confusion.
*** The Good ***
– Recovery Times. After all these months of overcharging myself – finally I am just taking my time to sleep and find back my Zen. I had a facial. I am taking care of myself again.
– Getting things done low-key – and realizing that’s just fine.
– Finding a useful book.
– The Friday Chicken and Comments – it’s so wonderful to read all these little week stories :).
– calm and peace and quiet and most importantly
– The Closing of Doors.
Have just finished processing something intense that happened to me the other night, so perfect time to chicken.
The Hard Stuff
– Being told to “just let go” of something that offended and hurt me, and also I felt incredibly hesitant about sharing with people. Had to excuse myself from a party to cry for about 10 minutes and basically felt down for the rest of the night, so I felt pretty guilty about being a downer on my friend’s birthday. Hurt + guilt + vulnerable.
– Seeing someone from the past who hurt me and my partner an enormous amount.
– Work has been very slow, which is worse than super busy, which I appreciate now. It means a lot less money for me š and I don’t really have a Plan B for weeks like this.
The Good Stuff
– Am tapping my creative resources pretty well the last few days. There has been art and poetry and music just flowing out of me, I want this all the time.
– I fell into my first class of the semester with zero anxiety, first time ever. I was so busy talking to new people that I didn’t even realise that this is usually a hard thing for me.
– I’m feeling comfortable with my future being open. I don’t feel defined by my degree anymore.
– I drove. First time in about six months, no accidents, no bumps, no stalling even. New car is perfect for me.
Quickly chickening in on a Monday morning!
Hard stuff included an especially crazy Friday of running around frantically while things were going wrong and time was running out and adrenalin was surging crazily. Then, too, I had a painful conversation with my sweetie, both of us hurting so much and feeling so lost and scared.
Good stuff: My sweetie and I really can have and survive conversations like that. The week was also filled with music-making, travel adventures, new sights and sounds, and lots of love.
What a week it’s been.
The hard:
– Betrayal. It’s always painful to realise you’ve been lied to by people close to you. Deceit is never OK. Shiny sparklepoints to all the beautiful soft-hearted people here who are so loving and transparent.
– Being mistaken for a bimbo even though I have a Software Engineering degree. Sigh. Seems the world has not moved past that old trope that you can’t be smart AND hot. Or that you can’t be smart, hot, working in a male dominated industry and not be a whore. Double sigh.
– Not enough money. My Disability pension does not stretch to cover my love of beautiful sparkly things. So I play the slot machines at the Casino instead…depression š
The good:
– Getting back in touch with an ex-boyfriend from New Mexico who’s no longer a douche! Sparkepoints for men being men rather than boys.
– Having Ramadan iftars cooked for me by my current squeeze.
– Food. Mmmm. Food is always good. Need more…now…
Bear hugs all round from Down Under *blows kiss*