Dear April,
(The month, that is. For some reason, it seems weirder to write a letter to a month when it sounds like a letter to a person. I don’t know what we’re going to do in June.)
Anyway…
Hi, new month. I have been avoiding writing to you. I have been avoiding saying hello to you, or any other form of conscious entry.
And so far we have spent five days together, and I have been crying for most of them. It kind of sucks.
So we’re going to do this.
We’re going to have an encounter. I’m going to stop avoiding our relationship, with a few awkward, tentative steps towards a more harmonious something-or-other.
I’m going to need a different approach. And apparently I also need a fairy godmother. Huh? What? Oh, okay. Fine. Let’s do it.
The set-up. Starting with the Cast of Characters.
Havi.
Adorably messy hair. Roses on her socks. Way too busy. Cries a lot lately. Possibly a witch?
The Fairy Godmother.
At first glance, she is sort of an oddball mirror reflection of Havi. Equally messy hair. Socks on her roses. Yes.
But something is off. She’s an unlikely candidate for the part.
Underneath the eccentric-aunt costumes, she glows. She is steadily glowing a glow. And not just any glow but indescribably intense.
She’s very smart. And very regal. One begins to suspect it is the goddess Athena in disguise.
Typical. Typical.
April.
Full of flowers. Not interested. No socks. Roses on her roses.
I have zero idea where this is going. But let’s find out…
Oh, it turns out there’s a plot.
Not an evil plot to destroy the whatever. Just that our story has a plot. And here it is:
Both Havi and the Fairy Godmother share a rare form of amnesia.
See also: Memento, Revisited.
Havi can’t remember what she needs, and the Fairy Godmother can’t remember how to give it to her. Or how to show her that it’s already there, which is more often the case.
There’s also a writer (surprise!), and the writer writes notes.
Let’s look at the notes.
This is the note the Fairy Godmother gets each morning.
Tucked under her pillow, no doubt.
Dear fairy godmother,
It is a glorrrrrrrious day, as you are sure to have noticed. Well-sparkled!
As you will have forgotten due to your nightly forgetting, here is your reminder regarding your charge, Havi.
It is your sacred duty to help Havi remain connected to herself and connected to right now.
Additionally, it is absolutely critical that she always have a) keys, b) a quiet and safe place to go, c) something to eat.
Not having access to these things can trigger an episode of thinking that Now Is Just Like Then.
Should an episode of this sort begin, it is up to you to show her how everything is different.
When your work is complete, Havi will be you and you will be done. Actually, you will be me.
Love,
April.
And this is the note Havi gets each morning.
Dear Havi,
You do not know this yet but today has the possibility of being a glorrrrrrrious day, no matter what happens in it.
Athena says: SUN.
Athena says: Start there.
Athena says: Sun salutations.
Athena says: Hum first. Then stretch. Then jump. Then quiet. And only then do you create. Except you don’t even do that. You just reveal the things that have been created for you.
Take care of your fairy godmother by looking at all the clews she sets for you.
Keys are important so pay attention to them.
Go to the quietest place, and the answers will be there.
Everything is a passage, so just notice that.
Love,
April.
Now you can leave a note for April.
Dear April 2012,
You are the month of new.
I am doing my best to be here now. Not in past-Aprils and not in resistance-of-new.
I am committing to flowers, to sun salutations, to walking, to water, to rest.
I want your help. I’m sorry I forgot to ask.
But mainly this. I want us to belong to each other, to feel welcome together.
I want you to feel loved. I want time and space and trust and delight.
I want to remember that I was kind to myself when things were hard.
And I don’t have to know why I’m crying for me-from-then to cry for me-from-then. Maybe it’s another form of watering the garden, I don’t know.
Sometimes I think I don’t know how to love you, but then I remember that saying hello to the not knowing how is another way to say hello to you. Which is another form of love in the form of a gentle touch.
I’m trying.
Love,
Havi
Join me if you like. The commenting blanket fort.
So this was pretty different than it’s been in other months.
See also: July / August / September / October / November / December / January / February / March.
You are welcome to write your own hello letter to April or drop off some gwishes, or whatever you like.
We all have our stuff. We’re all working on our stuff. We take responsibility for our stuff. Because without sovereignty and spaciousness, this whole thing falls apart.
And we make this a safe space by not telling each other what to do, how to be or how to feel. We make room for each other.
Wishing you a safe, comforting, sweet April full of unexpected good things.
Follow
Dear Havi,
Thank you for writing this. I send lovely wishes for your April.
This is a little spooky, because yesterday I was thinking about the movie 50 First Dates, in which a woman with profound short-term memory loss has to watch a video filling her in about her own life every morning. She wakes up, and the first thing she sees is a note. The note tells her to watch the video. The video tells her why she can’t remember anything, and how old the kid she doesn’t remember is.
Had no idea why I was thinking about this. Heh! Now I get it. Thank you for that. I shall write this note for myself tonight.
Dear April,
I will see you in Paris, April! I cannot wait! You will know me because I will be wearing a very vaguely nautical dress, with a very vaguely piratical scarf. I will have very tiny little anchor earrings. However, all of this, while sounding a little heavy-handed, is actually quite fetching and subtle, and will meet your strict Parisian standards, and then some. (But listen, don’t tell me I “look European,” ok? Americans don’t necessarily regard that as a compliment.)
Anyway, April, we’ll have some croissants, we’ll hang out at Rose Bakery and Shakespeare and Co., and then I want you to take me all over town. Your picks! We’re going to have fun.
Dear April,
Slow the hell down already, please? Ye gods and fishes.
I do appreciate the neon-colored safety net, though. I do tend to forget it exists, so it’s nice that you’re making sure I can see it. But land, you’re still thrashy-scary to me. You’re what happens when a hourglass mates with a death-metal jellyfish — sand and seawater and sweat gleefully spraying everywhere.
But April, you’re going to be rowdy no matter what I say, aren’t you? Well, then: I want matching seat-straps so that I can lean into the ride.
April, I’ll try to pay closer attention to just me and the space that’s mine. Not comparing myself to other people, whether they’re doing pirouettes on pommels or throwing up on the tracks. Not fretting over what they might be saying or thinking, or not saying or thinking, or what Past Me said you were going to look like. Because here you are.
Hanging on for dear, dear life,
M
Hi April,
We’re going to be in for a ride, aren’t we? Things are shifting, like ice before it breaks apart. I’m pretty sure I’m ready for the new configuration, but it may get a little crazy.
Thank you for reminding me that even if I think I need to just put my head down and get through this month, that good things are happening.
Thank you for new flowers coming up, and free moments to notice them.
Thank you for helping me learn more about finding pockets of time to play in.
Thank you for the ongoing lessons about force fields.
We’re going to be ok, I think. You and me. And the rest of the furry fuzzy wild crew. Righto!
Oh April,
Month of my birth
Month of taxes
Month of feeling impecunious
Month of wishing I’d done things differently
Month of almost doing that thing that one time but not doing it and remember every year to celebrate not doing it
Month of being not the same as you were last year
Month of making Treasure Maps and Vision Boards
Month of Spring!
M
Month of that I wish away, that should be held dear.
Month that I will treasure this time.
Oh goodness. My dear Havi.
I have been crying so much, too. And I wonder if it could be “another way to water the garden.” How beautiful. Thank you.
April and I are having disagreements about how this month will be spent. But you remind me that it *is* a conversation, and I *do* have choice, and sovereignty is *always* one of the options.
How easy it is to forget.
I’m sending some of my tears north to mix with yours to make a sweet springtime cocktail…for the flowers, for our own soil, and to remind me that I am not alone.
xo
Dearest April,
While you’re around, I’d like us to be all about the balance and the flow.
In March I spent so much time in my head, and I’m pretty sure I needed that. But around here, in my place and time, April, you are about waking up. (Wake up, flowers! Wake up, garden! Wake up, body! Wake up, people!)
So I’m waking up and coming out of the cave of head-space, and trying some new things:
-setting up loving containers for Floating, Crafting, Moving, Playing, – {balance.}
-continuing internal work within the containers – {flow.}
-checking in with my body every morning (feet want massages a lot. Poor feet!) – {balance.}
-connecting with my spouse and daughters as consciously and lovingly as I can – {balance.}
-reaching out to my friends and exploring with them the idea of Right People – {balance.}
-investigating time and its truth of abundance – {flow.}
I’m excited about the possibilities, April. And I’ll admit to being a little nervous too. I can bring on the overwhelm pretty easily. But the Loving Containers are going to help with that. (So will the Time Abundance Non-Paradox. (It’s just one dock!))
What, it’s April?!!
I think I should get this tattooed on the palm of my hand:
Sometimes I think I don’t know how to love you, but then I remember that saying hello to the not knowing how is another way to say hello to you. Which is another form of love in the form of a gentle touch.
I can only say:
lady through whose profound and fragile lips
the sweet small clumsy feet of April came
into the ragged meadow of my soul.
– e. e. cummings
Welcome April!
I know we don’t always get on so well, what with my allergies making me sickly when I’m around all your beautiful flowers and springiness, but hey I’m looking forward to you this year.
Today is my little brother’s 21st. Hopefully he has his license back now and can go with us to Reno tonight.
Anyway, I’m hoping to find some healing this month, so I definitely appreciate your attempts at taking care of me and getting me to unwind a bit.
I’m working on being more aware of these signs that you give me to take care of myself and not take myself so seriously. I’m trying to kick back and relax.
Anyway, I hope that we can have a lot of fun together and maybe get some stuff accomplished while I learn to relax. If that’s not too much of an oxymoron.
Thank you beautiful month!
~ Mel
Hello April!
You, so far, are the month of snow and green grass, crocuses and daffodils.
You feel like a month leading to endings, the end of the semester, a month of busyness and the slog to summer vacation.
So I need extra help remembering you are a month of beginnings.
I want to plant seeds of ease and health in you. And creativity.
New life, new life, new life.
So this *is* April then?
Huh. Feels like May and March was like April and I am all mixed up.
Beloved house-guests left yesterday, most trees have leaves, grass will need cutting soon.
On Wednesday someone turned to me and asked, ‘do you wanna play?”
and I said ‘Yes!” then asked “play what?”
This is April so far and I am a fooling for it. Happy spring to all!
Hello April!
Dear April,
I actually feel rather optimistic about you. Good things for us, I think!
Good Things I Envision for April:
A regular schedule of working out
As a result, feeling happy, optimistic, more myself, more comfortable and loving toward my body
Continuing to build on what I have learned to be present in my life, and engage with my stuff and my stuck in loving ways
A strong grounding in time spent outdoors absorbing the essence of spring
Nourishing my spirit with quality time with friends and loved ones (i.e. GoT nights, Julia’s tiki party, weekends with Josh)
joyful anticipation of the goodies coming in May, including invoking my superpower of travel planning
Mindful interaction with money and systems
More mini-rallies of awesome!
Possible Challenges in April:
You haven’t addressed the sex-related stuck. It probably will continue to be a challenge until you do, sweetie.
Knee issues – we don’t know what the doctor will say, there is a lot of fear and uncertainty around this issue still.
As the time comes for May’s vacation, money stuff is likely to come up. Ditto body and clothes related stuff.
We made some progress with Fergus and that is great, probably continued attention and gentleness is in order.
My Ode to April:
April, you are springtime. Flowers, sunny days, longer nights. Not yet too hot. You bring a sense of possibility and promise. Vitality. Warm breezes. Wildflowers. All things possible. Dancing flower maidens. Pretty dresses. Crocuses. Buds becoming blooms. The saying goes “April showers bring May flowers.” If there is darkness and hard, I will look for ways that it might be nourishing rains making a beautiful future possible.
Hi April. Let’s dance.
April!
I do adore you so. I am packing things for you. Time to shop. The Wish Craft Book. Time to plan trips with friends for the summer. A moment to design a birthday event. A long dinner with good friends. Time at the sauna. Time in the swimming pool. Sillyness. Experiments with fonts and lay-out for the puppy project. Experiments with writing my heart out. Time capsules. A new pinterest board. lists of things I love. Colored paper and stickers. A cheering team.
These are just the clews, they are not obligatory in any way. Come check in with me often. Let’s have fun, my darlin!
xoxox
Lovely April,
I am so glad you are here.
I am looking forward to so many things about you: new classes and new beginnings, learning new things and leading charges into new territory, pilgrimages of all sorts and surprises, more spaciousness than I’ve had in a while.
What an adventure. Let us romp!
Waverly
Hi, April.
You have always held such a heady mix of renewal and deadlines and busyness for me.
I think I’d like to play with shifting the busyness, transforming work into play as much as I can, and resting whenever I feel the need. Then I’ll see what happens to the deadlines. And the renewal. Yes.