In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
You guys! Two! Hundred! Chickens!
Remember when there were One Hundred Chickens? And the actual hundredth chicken? That seemed like a really big deal. That was also a crazy long time ago.
I still can’t believe that we haven’t missed a week.
Thank you, everyone who has every been part of it. Whether you do it here or on your own, all chickens are loved and appreciated. 🙂
The hard stuff
Changes.
Even when you have desperately wanted them.
Like when you ask for them at Rally, and you figure out how they can be easy and then they just miraculously happen!
Change is a really big deal. And even the most wished-for things can still be scary/hard/uncomfortable when they show up, as it turns out.
Adjusting and more adjusting.
Yup.
Oh, all the not hearing back.
That point of waiting-not-waiting.
A number of things both business and personal are kind of in limbo right now (or so it feels, at any rate), and this was a reminder/reflection/confirmation of that.
I would like to hear! Back!
Except that’s not what’s happening right now, and there isn’t anything I can do about that part. Just being with the part that’s mine.
The superpower of loving, gracious, beautiful detachment was available this week in a few key moments of grace, but the rest of the time it was hard to remember what that felt like.
A maybe-broken friendship?
I am hoping-hoping-hoping not but also I am in my stuff about this right now.
STILL?!?!?!
The new lighting for Stompopolis that we ordered back in March is still not installed.
Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.
Perception of things not feeling safe.
Like at the Playground when one of the pirate crew doormice reported that a bunch of people who shouldn’t have the code to the building have the code to the building.
So we had to change all the codes.
Or hearing that something was stolen from one of our neighbors in the building.
Grumble!
More PTSD fun.
Crowds and public transportation were out this week as I tried to create safe rooms for all the past versions of me who think that things are exploding.
Damage.
During the rainstorms of insanity this week, there was damage to Stompopolis!
The Treasure Cave (that’s the new treatment room) flooded, and three ceiling pieces are ruined, and everything got wet!
Then someone was fixing something in the Playground and broke it.
Then everything went kablooey, so grrrrrrrrrr!
The good stuff
Ohmygod this was the best week!
All these planted-wants and old wishes just showed up this week, along with beautiful moments of glowing TRUTH.
Mmmmmmmmm.
Sleeping!
Sleeping so well.
And naps. Yum.
And space to nap in. Speaking of which….
Space things working out the way I want.
Which just feels kind of miraculous.
Stompopolis is okay, despite the damage.
Hooray!
Getting caught in the rain.
On Saturday there was an hour that turned out to be the most rain-filled (rain-heavy? heaviest rain?) in all documented history of Portland.
And my friend Chuck (Her Chuckness) and I were in the middle of a walk when the skies opened, and for some reason getting soaked to the bone was kind of hilarious, so and we giggled the entire water-logged impossible-to-see way, and each time we thought it couldn’t possibly rain any harder, it did.
Normally this would have been another sign that everything is going Horribly Wrong, but it wasn’t. It was fun.
That was reassuring.
Giant epiphanies!
None of which can be explained very well, but I ran around all week saying things like, “OF COURSE! I don’t know what to do at a health club but I am a genius at secret societies! The blanket fort’s name is George!”
And it all made sense.
Seriously I did so much Shiva Nata this week, and everything was just clear and clean and easy. All my superpowers came out to play, and it worked.
Courageous mouse me.
I did a bunch of things that scared me this week (some symbolic and some real-and-in-person and one involving a twisty-slide).
And none of the things were scary while they were happening. It was only beforehand when I was telling complicated stories about how scary they were.
This was a good thing to remember.
Process process process.
Writing and stone skippings and implementation of said epiphanies.
Support and right timing when I needed it.
Also a tiny but important miracle.
I made a seemingly-impossible wish and it came true.
*sparkles*
Last night.
I just felt smile-ey and at home in myself.
Playing live at the meme beach house — it’s the Fake Band of the Week!
Background? Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once translated “people will hate me and be jealous” to “they’ll hang out at my Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.
I learned about this week’s band from a little girl in the park (in an admirably stripey jumpsuit) who was on the swing next to me.
Sideways Hamster
They’re loud and funny and sweet, or at least that’s what I imagine.
Though, of course, it’s really just one guy.
Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. Announcement time.
Picture me wearing that crazy hat…
I have a bunch of things to say, but for now I will just say Rally! Rally! Rally!
Because this week was full of GIANT transformational newness and that was basically because everything I planted at Rally is falling into place.
Rally!
That’s it for me …
Join my Friday ritual in the comments if you feel like it. Or call silent retreat!
We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. And we don’t give advice (unless people specifically ask for it).
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.
Follow
Oh yea, I’m first today!
the suck:
-the Ugly Pattern again. hate it. Sage Counsel advises: baby, just let this GO. But I will torture myself about it.
-the Looming Surgery (Da Zurchery), it LOOOOOOMS, and related sucks
-including Constantly Changing Plans + Constantly Adding Yet One More Hoop = no feeling of safety or sovereignty
-and no desire to be sobet AT ALL
-procrastinating. allowing “go wiht the flow” to become “stagant couch-sitting”
-lots of internal conflict about Petting Friendly Dogs
the awesome:
-random moments of feeling AWESOME! neurotransmitters cascading, feeling joy and power
-signing up for Dragonfest, submitting workshop proposal
-taking my girls camping
-amazing levels of support re: Zurchery
-getting the Art of embarking! yea!
-using lots of havi tools to prep for Zurchery and Recoverie (they work toegther)
-feeling the strength to move forward with the next projects
-really doing a good job of prepping for slightly Future Me in Recoverie. stakes are high here, and failures will be very sucky, not much space for course adjustments afterward, must look ahead instead
<3 & ice-cream-cone for this! I just felt smile-ey and at home in myself.
dashing off now to a mad eigthies monopoly party and chickening later
love to the chickeneers of the high seas!
Chiiiicken!
This week just sparkled! So much good stuff!
+ My travel fund wasn’t used for the new car and MrB and I get to travel. He wants to go to London again (Yay, London!) this summer.
– A friend who just returned from London said that the city is already crowded and disrupted because of the Jubilee and the Olympics and things being done to prepare for them. So that makes it more challenging to get disabled accommodations.
+ If we can’t get what we need in London, there are many other places we both would like to see, so we have alternatives. Yay for having alternatives!
+ The Butler offered to do some handyman work for us and he did it this week. The result is awesome. And while we were at it, we rearranged the living room and it looks amazing.
+ The Boomerang Boy had minor surgery and is totally appreciative of the assistance that we are giving him while he recovers.
+ The weather! The weekend was so hot, but then it cooled down, and walking has been possible and we’ve had windows open, and it’s been wonderful.
+ Family gathering on the weekend. Cookout at my brother’s. Hanging out with my mom.
+ Putting flowers on my father’s grave and hunting among the headstones for ancestors.
+ Massage of awesomeness, and a new understanding of something that causes pain.
+ Reading aloud to an appreciative audience of three (plus me).
– Ending the week with feeling yucky; whenever I eat more than three bites of anything, I feel uncomfortable. But maybe I’ll lose some weight?!
If I can sneak in a VPA here, I’d sure like more weeks like this.
Hello, weekend. Hello, June.
Havi, I so hear you on the not hearing back (yet, yet, YET) thing.
Other hards:
* feeling grumpy, anxious, and/or depressed about various things
* feeling conflicted re health care providers
* feeling conflicted re expenditures
* having to cancel roller derby plans
Good things:
* a feature on my work at Galatea Resurrects!
* an unexpected compliment + invitation resulting from that
* this week’s shift at the hospital
* feeling adored, wanted, and respected by the people dearest to me
* I’m sitting here, treating myself to a pistachio macaroon and a big cup of coffee and squeezing in a little bit more work before a hike 🙂
* the temperature dropped 35 (!) degrees F between yesterday and today. Wonderful weather for the hike.
* the gearshift in the car seems to have fixed itself
* listening to Radio Roland Garros, especially when a French player is on court
* I’m still alive in the RG suicide pools (Allez Haas! Podje Kvitova!)
Shabbat shalom, y’all, and my best wishes for sweetness and support in the week to come.
Easing back into the practice of chickening…
The Hard.
Everything seems to be going glacially slow, especially me. Sigh.
“Why isn’t this stuff done already?” (See: slow.)
Lease. Silent retreat!
Money stupid.
The Good.
Oh, right. In the SOFT. surprisingly helpful.
Full class!
Curious use of toolbox instead of self-flagellation.
Writing.
Mmmm. Mwah. Thanks, guys.
This week had a lot of hard and I missed the Chicken last week.
Hard
– Hospitals two days in a row. First to visit husband’s grandpa (Broken hip) in Carson City then home, to go to the hospital next day (Oakland) to be there when his brother got out of surgery.
– Exhaustion, crankiness, car making weird noises, and everything else.
– work piling up because it’s a four day week and I missed two days in hospitals.
– Infringements on sovereignity People who A don’t respect my work start time, and B decide that ten minutes before I’m supposed to start work is when they can best convince me that what I and my manager have told them repeatedly to provide us, isn’t necessary and we really can just do it withhout having everything we told you we need. Again, repeatedly told you I need this might actually mean that I need it.
– other things I’m sure. These are the sticky ones.
The Good
+ Money gremlins seem to be defeated for the time being.
+ car making weird noises was fixed for $6 in 5 minutes.
+ my early birthday present and getting to draw things from it. One good thing that 2 hour car rides are good for I guess.
+ I am healthy. Husband is healthy. Neither of us had to spend the night in the hospital and we got to sleep in our own bed beside each other all week. This is apparently huge right now for me.
+ It’s actually beautiful and sunny and warm outside. I love summer and yes triple digit weather. 97 degrees outside makes me happy.
+
clucks to all, yay to 200 and June!
hards
There were hards but softer ones, mostly it seemed I was healing all the bruising from the previous hards. which was hard, but less so
Very little flow, tears non-withstanding.
Oh and i think I have poison ivy from somewhere which seems impossible and improbably but my leg thinks otherwise.
goods
incredible nap.
people perking up.
May ending for the year.
love letter to June.
vacation planning happening.
flower smells everywhere.
recovering body.
the happiest, most joy filled weekend to all! xo
mmm, chicken du june un. (?)
iiiiiiii…. hmm. maybe I silent retreat this one. But I wanted to say hi! Just chicken in. And yay, buckets’o’unbelievable rain, that sounds like so much fun!
Cheeken! 200 Chickens for everyone!
The Hard:
– Knee doesn’t want to work without pain. Especially pain *after* walking, so feeling okay when I walk doesn’t mean much. That combined with some other things are creating the feeling that I’m stuck indoors all the time either working (fun) or doing booooooring things (not fun).
– 7p.m. Monster Attack (just one guy?). Three days in a row of completely freaking out when I had to stop working for the day. Not wanting to practice self-care or do anything relaxing or different. Knowing that I was too frazzled to keep working. Not dealing with this well.
– Awful horrible no-fun nightmare waking me up in the middle of the night with the conviction that something was *horribly wrong* with the baby. And then trying to calm myself down by drinking some water, after which I started throwing up. Not reassuring, body.
– Realtor telling us we can’t get the house we want with the money we have. And how scary that was, even though it led to a lot of good.
– Doing deep-tissue work on my quads and releasing a ton of energy I wasn’t ready for.
– Moving forward with something really important to me. And the stuff that came up from that alone, even *before* it triggered a bunch of stuff for someone I love. It all worked out and even quickly, but for a few hours things were really dicey. Hard.
The Good:
– Awesome Shiva Nata class of awesomeness. It was my first time teaching a group where everyone knew at least as much about Shiva Nata as me, but it went really well! And I had huge epiphanies.
– Lunch with a friend while she was in town. SUSHI lunch, even. 😀
– STOMPOPOLIS! And the FLOOP!! Is it any wonder I don’t want to stop working when that’s where I get to do my work? So much amazing destuckification and progress, a lot of it as unexpected side effects.
– One of the amazing things about spending a fair amount of time at Stompopolis is that you end up with way more time everywhere in your life without realizing how it even happened.
– Being thanked for doing a good job at lots of little things this week. It’s been a long time since I’ve been involved enough with things out in the world to get this kind of appreciation. I really like it.
– Ordered fancy clothes for the wedding from etsy, and they all came really quickly, and I got to dress up like a fairy princess and prance about the house.
– Epiphany in therapy that helped me reframe…oh, pretty much my entire life. But especially the last few months. What if I wasn’t just a fuckup? Now that’s a thought.
– The Big Book of Chicken Watching continues to make everything work so easily! AMAZINGLY easily.
– Solved the personal housing crisis of 2012! With the help of Shiva Nata, CLARITY, and the deguiltified chicken board. It turns out there was a perfect simple solution that I didn’t even have to wrestle monsters to find.
– Watching stars (from the stars machine) on the bedroom ceiling. Mmmmm.
– Things are *so* on track for the wedding. It’s less than 3 weeks away now, and I feel really calm and supported and like I have a lot of extra time to work on non-wedding stuff.
Yay! So much yay for all the chickens! 200 chickens! All that hard, all that good… all getting a space to be. Fabulous!
Two hundred chickens is a whole lot of chickens! Cluck-cluck!
This week’s hard:
– Overwhelm. Really big overwhelm. Grand plans for dealing with it fell apart halfway through the week because of course there was overwhelm overflow in the form of even more iguanas colonizing my desk at the last minute. Damn unexpected houseguests.
– Shoes.
– Stalling.
– Drama.
– Other people mucking with my carefully planned schedules.
This week’s good:
– Got a whole lot of stuff done despite overwhelm. Really, as much as can be expected from any one human.
– That weird moment earlier this afternoon when I realized that I neither physically nor mentally can do nine thousand things at one time and deciding to do just one. at. a. time. Because panicing about it all is getting me nowhere.
– Playing with what might be a genuinely genius way of dealing with a particular temporary wall of stuck.
– Little baby turklets! Mama turkey has paraded her dozen or so turklets past my office window every day since Tuesday.
– Clarity.
Happy Friday, Chickeneers!
Cheers Chickeneers!
I missed last week so it’s good to be back.
The Hard
– feeling out of sorts in general
– so many projects all wanting attention at once
– husband hasn’t been feeling well
– boredom in a class I’m taking
– no desire to cook
The Good
– coffee with someone I like even more every time we get together (we both like to geek out on the same topic)
– mimosas and then walking the Bolder Boulder 10k with girlfriends
– very few work emails
– progress on projects
– 3 new yoga tops
Cluck!
Hards
– one night of little and disturbed sleep = two full days lying on the couch recovering. Managed to keep both children alive but EVERYthing else fell by the wayside. Messy.
– and it felt indulgent to much of me even though realistically I know that it was okay and really we should be living with mothers and aunties and sisters next door so even when daddy’s gone ahunting we’re not so much All By Myself.
– and then when extended family does drive a long way for their regular helping day they are grumpy and short-tempered with my Little Lad and I feel tongue-tied and conflicted about how different people communicate and discipline and it wasn’t any worse than my (frequently) less-than-perfect communication/discipline and it’s inappropriate to interfere/micro-manage a relationship like that cos they both have to have a chance to figure it out for themselves etc. And I just felt like she was discharging her feelings of being imperfectly appreciated (by me) and/or some other crap in her life on my little boy. And really, if you’re tired or feeling obliged or doing it cos you said you would EVEN THOUGH I don’t acknowledge it enough or something rather than cos you really truly are delighted to, then don’t do it! It’s not a gift if there’s a price attached.
– Time flies. Anxiety creeps. It’s June? That means it’s practically CHRISTMAS and THAT means it’s nearly next year and I still haven’t done [_______] and [_________] or [________] let alone [_________] and the seventeen thousand other things the Grumble Thrumb Collective believe we wanted/planned/intended to do this year. Goddess Defendooor gets into not very useful arguments with them about how much a nursing mother of a newborn is supposed to get done and I just run away and play Bejeweled. Mmmm productive!
– Wonderbaby has been very hungry. And unlike Little Lad she’s an enthusiastic feeder already and arking up even more milk is really draining. (‘Scuse then pun. Arf arf!)
Goods
+ relationship is so miraculously different (GOOD different!!!) to how it used to be, especially Last Time Round. Traumatised Me is so sooooo SOOOOOO glad it is different. As is the rest of us!
It’s like he finally figured out that Pessimism As Protection doesn’t actually inoculate you against misery and even though things are imperfect/ hard/ scary it’s still better to have these ‘problems’ than not. Like his sister who died at 26 and would have LITERALLY given her right arm for the opportunity to have the problem of ‘how will we pay this bill’ and ‘gee I’m tired cos my kids kicked me around in bed last night’.
And I’ve finally figured out that it’s none of my business whether he or anyone else ‘gets it’ or not. I can’t MAKE anyone see. I can lead my horses to water. That’s it. If they won’t/can’t drink and that breaks my heart then my broken heart is my business. That’s it. Do my best and let it go.
Anyway, it’s good. Deeply sorry that the crunch was so painful and shameful and regrettable. But glad we got to here anyway. Not sure if there was another path to here. An academic question anyway. Ouch.
Marriage: the first twenty years are the hardest. Thirteen down. Breathing!
+ knitting together the qualities, principles, processes and tools from my teachers/sources for my own personal approach to Living Well. At the moment there are sixteen key Cultivatings/Releasings (they go hand in hand). Sixteen. This does not make for good copy. But I’m getting there. Form! Out of squoosh! Yay.
+ lots of food in the house. 🙂
Cluck cluck! Xoxo
Noticing fear about looking at the Hard this week. I shall silent retreat if that’s what feels good when I get there.
The Good:
– I might have found the absolute perfect place for September (for real this time, no instinct suppression). It’s not confirmed yet, but I’m super excited. There might be a kitty involved!! A KITTY! I also emailed the other place/landlady and told her I wouldn’t be renting with her. It was a relief to accept what I had already decided.
– I bought [—]! Light and super cheap! And hassle free!
– I also bought red lipstick! That I had been wanting to buy for AGES. And red nail polish. YAY!
– I have monies! From my job. Even though they STILL haven’t fixed the problem with my rate of pay and are being utter dicks about even listening to me.
– I got my proposal finished and handed in on time, and I feel good about starting work on the essay.
– A bunch of politically active/conscious contacts and I have started a thing, and I have a big awesome role that informs the ideological foundation of the group! Which means (!!!) I can bring my anti-oppression, intersectionality-focused skillzz to the table and have people take me seriously! And take the issues seriously! And not alienate already marginalized groups! Eeeep!!
– My deffered exam date has been released, and could not be more perfect.
– I’m going to see a new baby on Sunday and take banana bread to the lovely mummy (who was the first woman I ever fell in love with – I’m glad to have her in my life still).
– Support from the people in my life, being able to see it and accept it without feeling as though I’m being “weak” (hello, stuff).
– On a related note, wonderful current housemates!
– Rain all day today was lovely, because I was worried about the grass. Also, cuddles under a shared umbrella!
– Reasserting my boundaries, clearly. Learning to say “no” or “I’ll only be available for an hour” or “I have plans – I’ll see you later”. This is a massive, MASSIVE step, and it feels SO good.
– Decided the perfect way to honour Bunny and her absence.
The Hard:
– Having an ethical dilemma in the grocery store about buying eggs.
Silent retreat on all the rest.
Love to everyone and their chickens! Thank you for this space 🙂
Happy 200 Chickens! I can just see them, illustrated in the style of Eleanor Estes’ The Hundred Dresses.
Hard:
–Trying to get at least partially back into regular routines. It feels too soon.
–Not enough sleep, and I don’t have as much patience for this as I used to.
Good:
–A lovely, easy, long drive home with my daughter.
–There was a thing that I wanted to do very well, and I did do it very well, and received many appreciative compliments.
–New levels of detachment from the anger of others, and particularly from the anger of Significant Others. It’s oddly refreshing — and wonder of wonders, it also seems to help the anger dissipate all the more quickly! Fascinating.
@Kathleen: detachment from anger of others and how not giving it resisting, fire fueling attention helps it dissipate…. er, *I know what you mean!!!* *if only they’d told me that in the beginning!*. Yay for you, me and everyone who cottons onto this! 🙂
Yay for 200 chickens! Just realised how long I’ve been chickening – woah!
The hard:
The hormones thang. I have now been on my period for over two weeks – not fun!
Stopping taking the pill – so not the solution I wanted. Somewhat concerned that the medical person I went to see was so obsessed with the idea of bleeding being caused by STDs that they’re not even willing to investigate other stuff right now.
Also holy crap moods – I’ll be fine and then suddenly intense periods of feeling utterly miserable, incredibly anxious, discouraged and generally viciously low. So hard and making everything else hard much, much more difficult to cope with. Now wondering how much of the periods of depression I’ve had since my teen have been hormone-related.
A close friend losing two friends in the Seattle murders. So much heartbreak and grief.
Making the mistake of reading comments on a newspaper article – who the hell insults mourners at a vigil for their murdered friends? My stuff well and truly riled.
My eyes are now all puffy from all the crying over the last 24 hours.
For some reason, last night next door neighbours suddenly decidedly to put their TV on so loudly that it was clearly audible both downstairs and in my bedroom. While I’m fairly sure that this is in no way done with the intention of annoying or upsetting us, I ended up spending half an hour crying about it instead of doing anything because by that time I was so frayed.
The tax office where it was utterly unclear where the entrance was and the five minutes of ‘argh!’ as I tried to find it.
Horrible, horrible nightmare.
The good:
Waking up early last Sunday and going and sitting outside in the garden in the sunshine by the roses and reading and it just being wonderful.
An amazing peaceful weekend last week – so much stuff got done, including a rather awesome archetype geekout sesh, lots of rest, and creating my thing.
Talking about my thing – really incredible progress this week. I’ve learned to record + edit audio – yay! And writing, recording + editing the guided journeys has several times dissolved angst. And so much fun + my project is receiving so much love from people cheering it on.
Deciding to create my shamanism project too – am very excited about this! Realising that it is only a month until my first weekend. Getting lots of support on this too.
Having awesome friends + family.
Roses!
Coming to the end of my 365 project – and realising I’ve accidentally miscounted as some point and done an extra week, which just amuses me.
Realising how much I’ve learned about mindfully noticings patterns + stories + monster narratives, and that I’m doing it even when I’m really in the hard. Wow.
Much more physical energy this week.
Wow – this might be my longest chicken yet. Wishes for wonderful bank holiday weekends for everyone in the UK, and wonderful normal weekends for everyone else. 🙂
Imagining 200 chickens doing Shiva Nata! Sometimes I really I wish I could draw better!
The hard.
#1 More angst about the afore mentioned visit of the Spanish Inquisition. I was informed that they will definitely visit me and now my monsters are jumping up and down and Little Me just wants to run away and hide. (Sudden thought -I think I’ll make her a blanket fort under the table, she’ll like that)
#2 Stuck or maybe even moving backwards with something. Silent retreat on that one.
#3 Sleep, not enough or not at the right times for the first part of the week.
#4.Going on a ‘fun’ trip that turned out not to be as fun as I’d expected. Something I normally love doing just felt all wrong, hot & sucky & the food was vile.
Funny, I thought there was more hard than that.
The good
#1. Mostly fine & pleasant weather & an air conditioned classroom on the day when it was hot & sticky
#2. I didn’t make a huge fuss about the trip, despite the grumpy monster collective, and nice things happened later.
#3. Sleep patterns sorted themselves out and early nights/very early mornings are back on course without me having to do anything. Phew!
#4. I cleaned the house, including clearing out a really stuck area, and downstairs now looks shiny and nice.
#5. Two unexpected shopping trips went really well and I didn’t panic in the crowds or in the mall.
#6. Energy. Actual genuine energy! I have it! This makes me very happy 🙂
Looking forward to writing some good VPAs soon. Little gwishes are sprouting.
Happy June everyone!
The hard:
-Still overwhelmed, still not getting everything done. Monsters getting more restless; ‘YOU’LL NEVER CATCH UP AND THAT IS BAD!’
-Being sick.
-Worrying about things that haven’t happened yet.
Beating self up over this habit. And around we go…
The good:
-Fun outings twice in one week with my cousins.
-Lunch meeting went surprisingly well, although it brings me closer to change, which brings up a lot of stuff.
-The wisdom to take a day off when I felt awful, and stay home with a book.
Keep spinning…
@Havi,
Yay for 200 chickens! Thank you for keeping it for yourself and for us.
And a gwish for ease in fixing damaged parts of Stompopolis!
The Hard:
– So difficult developing habits that would be helpful. So difficult dealing with habits that are not, and which would be nice to unlearn.
– Trying to remember where the time went. My recollection of writing down what I accomplished is that it generates only a fleeting “wow, I did all that?!” But if I don’t, I sometimes barely remember whether I got anything done at all.
The Good:
+ Getting help on time management from my organizer. If one approach doesn’t work, she suggests another. Keeping with that idea of experimentation.
+ Doing my shoulder and back stretching and strengthening exercises from PT are helping (less creaky and stiff, more relaxed), even if I skip doing them sometimes.
+ Attended a wonderful seminar today on applications of Chinese Medicine with ADHD; then attended a party which culminated with fireworks across a lake. Oooh, pretty!
Happy weekend, chicks!
Bit late but still..
Yeah, 200 chickens!
The hard:
Time flies and i just don’t seem to get enough done.
Lots of epiphanies but they come with a “BUT”. Which probably is how it usually is.
Recognizing patterns isn’t always fun and gives me tons of questions without answers.
They also urge me to act instead of just trotting along halfheartedly. Scary, with weariness waiting behind too many corners.
Monster talks.
The Good:
Spent some relaxing time with my lovely girl in a wonderful, perfect place.
Was able to name some important, important wishes. Feels just natural so it must be right.
Lots of epiphanies (yeah, Shiva Nata!) and the good feeling of moving forward.
Monster talks.
My boys coming home tomorrow. Missed them.
YAY 200!
The Hard
in no particular order
– mini anxieties about stuff from before and fear it pops up again
– wanting something finished. the thing taking longer than i wanted
– lack of sleep (in a somewhat good way but still tired)
– always the high expectations of me on me and gah hard to get rid of
– a bunch of iguana’s and I really want them fixed and GAH AGAIN STILL GAH IGUANA’s
The Good
+ dancing. friends. a game called robo rally.
+ the thing of ‘silent retreat’ last week happening. mmmm
+ that thing again, just because so awesoem
+ almost almost finishing a thing. and i guess thats pretty awesome too
+ seeing pathways forward, suddenly, and loving it.
This week was intense and amazing! I did a really good job of balancing the many things and releasing the things I could not balance. Yeah!!
HARD!
+social anxiety, eek!
+body image stuff, uck!
+stressful morning getting ready for Trans-Health Conference
+fretting about money
+anxiety about all the planning that had to happen to make the week float successfully
+continual excessive stress related to Sight Ball situation
+stupid parking ticket!
+all the walking
+stressing about whether I can really pay for [bird noises!]
+some of the disability access issues at the conference
+not being able to do all the workshops I wanted because they were too early or at the same time as other workshops
+clothes shopping (OH THE HORROR!!)
+frustrated with my lack of Spanish
GOOD!
+Rainbow Fiestathon meeting!
+new clothes!
+visiting with J & M!
+My proposal to lead Gender Celebration Circle at the summer Quaker gathering has been accepted!
+I really am able to afford the World Changing Writing Workshop!
+heartfelt-asking for what I need
+first rehearsal of the summer season!
+Trans-Health Conference!!!!
+hugging many wonderful people!
+meeting new friends at the conference!
+J’s kind hospitality in letting me stay on her futon during the conference, and all the little-enormous things she did to make the space welcoming for me
+sharing tasty meals with friends!
+S came to the conference and I was able to assist her so she could have a good time and get what she needed from the experience!
+the fabulous Pagan ritual at the conference on Friday night
+hanging out with the PD family!!
+coconut curry caramel corn!
+I got to eat at Rangoon (my favorite restaurant in Philly! Burmese food! YAY!!) TWICE!!
+really good self-care this week
+body held up admirably well!
+reading Borderlands/La Frontera!
+vegging out with [embarrassing TV show] with B
Hello hello Chicken and Chickeneers! Invoking Chicken amnesty here. 200 chickens is a lotta feathers… 🙂
This is an abbreviated Chicken, but important nonetheless –
My Ouch Hards:
– STILL with the work-crazies. Argh!
– Lots of Not-Enough-Time Furies yelling at me.
– Money woes.
– Couldn’t get to the 2nd Book Club conversation the past whiles. Sad US-es.
– Lovelyman acquired a nasty 24-hr flu which took him down the day he got back from his trip.
My Whee Goods:
* Attending a gorgeous non-wedding this weekend (as in, only 4 ppl were at the courthouse but there were 2 days of
celebrations)
* This should be the last month of work insanity, and then I can plan some vacation. Hurrah the end point!
* Basil seeds sprouted despite the mold!! Yaay pretty purple basil!
* Really nice alone time in the New Space. No name as of yet, but a lot of spaciousness created.
* Pretty star decals on the bedroom ceiling.
Hoping for a beautiful and ease-filled week for all