In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
Deep exhalation. Hi.
Okay. This was one of those weeks where the good and the hard were pretty much the same. Lots of overlap.
Which is, itself, kind of good.
At least, in the sense that this means there were good aspects or outcomes to all the challenging bits.
But in the venn diagram of hard-good, most of what happened this week falls smack-dab in the center.
I can’t tell you more than that. Though I probably could if I’d already written the Chicken. 🙂
The hard stuff
Working too hard. Needing more help.
Too many gigantic projects.
Really really feeling the gap where full-time positions need to go.
And I don’t know how to solve this one yet. And I’m feeling very wary about opening up a full-time Partner in Crime position again.
Visiting all the old places.
Literally.
Going to the place where I used to do Drunk Pirate Council every Thursday with the First Mate until that went very, very sour.
And I semi-accidentally ended up at the place of Havi’s Most Important Ritual, the one that died a sad sad death this summer, on the SAME DAY that the ritual used to happen and more or less at the same time.
All the old haunts, except that they are different and I am different.
Not enough sleep.
Tired Havi is not a happy Havi.
Well, actually I was so blissed-out on endorphins from a million-trillion dance classes that I was still a mostly happy Havi.
But seriously, sleep! I need it.
No more zombie days, please.
Plum Duff. It is so much work!
I adore Plum Duff but my god, the setting-up-of-it.
This took up most of my week and even though it is fun, SO MUCH WORK.
Skype dates.
Marisa and I worked and played together on Skype all week, which was wonderful.
But Skype! I did not realize I had so much old pain about it.
For years I have just told people that I don’t skype, and couldn’t even remember why.
Until I had to this week and remembered that I had closed my account. And then I also remembered why this had happened.
I used to skype all the time with my ex, this is years ago. Until the ex fell in love with some French girl and then every time I logged onto skype I had to look at these barf-barf-barf status updates like “yearning for Angelique“, ew. Also: knife in heart!
Anyway, no more skype. Until this week. So that was hard.
Also IT IS THE FUTURE, YOU GUYS, and video is weird, and I spent the whole time giggling and blushing and playing with my hair.
Trouble finding the useful inside of the hard.
Some not-good things have been happening, and I have been looking for where the useful is, and it has been hard to find.
Usually this means that I have not been acknowledging how damn hard the hard is before looking for the useful.
Grumble grumble hard-grumble-hard grumble!
Getting locked out of the Hypothalamus!
The lock to my office jammed.
And I couldn’t get in.
Right before a giant meeting and all my papers were inside and I couldn’t get to them.
It was incredibly stressful and agonizing. Also, all my monsters were yelling about the SYMBOLISM of it all.
(“See? You don’t take care of your space and now you don’t get to go in it. And it’s the brain center but you’re locked out! And that’s so typical, because blah blah blippity blah your life is a mess and it’s just getting worse!!!!!” — the monster committee.)
So we had to break out the monster manual (it worked!).
And then fortunately the handyman was nearby and brought a ladder, and a perfect solution revealed itself. So it’s okay now. Onto the good.
Talking about a scary thing.
And I’ll [silent retreat] on this.
The good stuff
I am now finding the useful and it is indeed useful.
Still don’t like the hard. Obviously.
But being able to see what is or might be useful about it. Yes. Yes.
I talked about a scary thing. Out loud!
So first of all: ALL THE SPARKLEPOINTS TO ME!
And then it wasn’t a disaster. Hey! It wasn’t a disaster.
The direction that emerged is not the one I would have chosen, but it works. And it was way better than anything the monster collective was predicting would happen.
Visiting all the old places, and it was okay!
Lady Chuck and I went out for dinner at the place that used to be Pirate Council time, and it was absolutely lovely. That was a sweet surprise.
And I only ended up at the Place of the Dead Ritual because a friend and I had to talk business stuff and it was nearby, and it just sort of happened.
Plus — and this is a huge thing — I had forgotten that it was that day.
The fact that I had forgotten is mind-blowing to me. Because for weeks all I could do on that day was think about not being at the place and not doing the thing. And what was X doing? And what music were they playing? And would Y be there?
So good news! I wasn’t thinking about any of that. I have stopped doing that.
And then, much to my astonishment, it turned out that everything is different there now. None of the people or experiences that I associate with that place are there anymore. The place reconfigured along with me, apparently.
I don’t think I will go back for a while. But it was not traumatic and horrible. This is big.
Not enough sleep because of very fun things.
Like extra-great playdates.
Or having ideas!
Or being at a spectacular light show.
Also: lots of catching up on sleep, due to the aforementioned lack of sleep. And the catching up was very pleasant.
There were at least three nights this week when I was asleep by 9:30. That’s the way it used to be before this whole year blew up in my face back in January. So that feels sweet and hopeful too.
Plum Duff! It is so much closer to ready.
Plum Duff days are the best.
And we haven’t done a Plum Duff since November.
You’re on the list, right? I know I haven’t said anything to the list in nearly a year, because I’m like that, but they will definitely hear about Plum Duff early and get first dibs on the good stuff.
Anyway, that was a fun project to play with this week.
Skype dates. IT’S THE FUTURE.
I got to talk to my Marisa every single day this week and gaze into her beautiful face and tap her on the nose. Almost like in person.
It was absolutely amazing.
And we conducted all the conductings and I love her.
Support.
Marisa and Danielle and Naomi and Amna and friends and goodness.
My friend who has disappeared is back!
Or: I am back.
Either way. This is good.
The light show.
It was spectacular.
What a night.
Also there have been some lovely side effects of the light show: for example, all the stones are lighting up, because that is how this works.
The word ENSHRINE.
It holds more than I realized. So much more.
Magical.
Playtime.
I learned lots of fascinating things about my playmate this week that I had never known before, my internal museum of playdate has expanded considerably.
And this week our playdates, while still beautiful, playful, creative and delicious, went in all kinds of new directions.
We played at, among other things: enshrining things, being birds, soaring, reconsecrating a temple, being an earthquake in an orchard, counting things, speaking in code and inventing consulting gigs as experiments.
I feel so much delight. In the sense of: I am delighting in things and delighting over things and being delighted in, and also there is delight everywhere when our minds connect.
Hug Point!
Danielle and I spent beach day at Hug Point, and it was exquisite.
I napped in the sun and did yoga in the sand and talked to Incoming Me. Beautiful.
I am okay.
I am still feeling anxious about the Not Good Piece Of News, but I am okay.
I am okay.
This is reassuring.
Playing live at the meme beach house — it’s the Fake Band of the Week!
Background? Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once translated “people will hate me and be jealous” to “they’ll hang out at my Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.
This week’s band is:
Rooster and the Boots.
They play a weird, unlikely mix of country and reggae — but it works! And their first album is, appropriately, titled Coming Home To Roost.
My playmate, who is hilarious, wants the band to be called Rooster Booty, featuring McHenzie Featherbottoms.
I don’t know.
Though, of course, McHenzie Featherbottoms is DEFINITELY just one guy.
As is the band. Obviously.
Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. Announcement time.
Picture me wearing that crazy hat…
If you’re not on the list, get on it. Seriously. Now is the time.
I hardly ever send anything at all, but you will get early notice about the fantastically great things going on during Plum Duff.
That means: special things that can’t usually be procured outside of the Playground Toy Shop, as well as bundles, packages and bonuses that make things extra-great and extra-affordable.
And if you can’t wait for that because [EXCITEMENT!] and you a member of the Floop, there is a huge discount/bonus thing happening there right now so peek at that.
Also, the Art of Embarking is a) incredibly useful, and b) the prerequisite for most things you might want to do. So if you don’t have that, now is a good time…
That’s it for me …
Join my Friday ritual in the comments if you feel like it. Or call silent retreat!
We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. And we don’t give advice (unless people specifically ask for it).
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.
Follow
The Hard !
– Two whole traveling days just to be at home for two days, too. Blegh, four hours, bus, train, bus, blegh.
– An email that I did not want. I don’t want that communication line back in the air. I don’t want it!
– No work progress due to all the traveling. Feeling anxious about “not enough space to write and work!”
– Not enough moving due to traveling and feeling anxious about that too, and just generally restless.
– Restlessness about my Room of Residence – i’d like to stay there, someone was preventing it.
The Good
+ Time with my grandma, and distant family members, and speaking 3 dialects of German (while I officially don’t even speak German!), and she enjoyed the day so much.
+ Home home home. Sleeping in my real bed.
+ Then home back to the city where I live now, and that felt like home too, thanks to a welcoming committee made of one, and then a bigger welcoming committee, too.
+ Progress on my Organization Project. That was good.
+ The welcoming committee of one is a good all by himself.
+ Havingn whatsapp and a smartphone for the first time, and receiving pictures and messages and feeling so 21st century.
The hard:
* Realizing its been weeks of yo-yoing – either feeling tired or trapped or down. Or, everything is just fine, and I’m not sure what’s going on… until everything isn’t fine.
* Craziness with two different projects. And not good craziness.
* Someone hit my poor little car. And all the time and money to get it fixed, and deal with insurance and a rental, and the fact that we’re an hour away from a rental place. sigh.
The good:
* Figuring out a lot of the source of the yo-yoing, and having a plan! With steps I can take!
* Portland!! In a week!!
* Knowing that science shows that exhaustion and stress usually get sorted out – this isn’t forever.
* Realizing that part of the reason this week seemed so hard was that I spent three days last weekend doing nothing but work on a feral cat trap-neuter-release. 120 cats in 3 days. No wonder I’m tired!
Much love to all chickeneers!
Cluck!
Hard stuff
– tired Him x tired Me = cranky mccrankstown at our house. Humour that we both enjoy is hard to find.
– weeping over the things I would do differently if only I had known. Aching regret. Haaaaaard. *releasingreleasingreleasingsobreleasing*
– my brain is not functioning in any kind of helpful, down-to-earth kind of way. Managed to miss TWO appointments by just plum forgetting all about them. Mortified.
– my monster stories, Cassandra-complex and No Time gremlins. They sure do get a lot of fodder to feed their stories. Also, Generalised Existential Uncertainty seems to be far more pervasive than I have recognized before now… *sigh* Progress on working on my stuff. It is slow.
– have accepted that I’m going to have to wait a year before starting my studies, not six months. This is going to be good for the kids and mama-me, but thing(thing!) me is getting sorely hassled by the No Time gremlin flock while also suffering through a relatively severe episode of comparisonitis. Ouch. Poor thing(thing!) me. She’s had to be so patient while I ignored the shit out of her for ten years, and now she’s constantly trying to negotiate with babies. Babies NEVER give in and say, yeah what the hell, I see your point. You DO deserve a week off.
– throat chakra awkward can’t speak words thing still highly active. Related guilt/shame.
– money boring grown up stuff is hard and boring and I’m avoiding it bc basically they are going to want money that will be hard to juggle and their will be a boring pattern to run through where I feel like I need to defend myself and it’s not fair to shoot the messenger, asshole, even if you’re just discharging your discomfort that is based in good intention. Mofo.
Good stuff…
+ family, friends and floop.
+ babies are doing okay to great. This is a lot better than the alternative.
+ less anxiety and shame-swamp this week. A bit.
+ my friend is okay! I was a little worried she’d really cracked up but she’s actually really good and just crazy busy. Phew.
– spring time here. Blossom trees are coming out. Daffodils and magnolias. Hanging the washing in the sunshine. Spring is good. Like spring!
That’ll do. Cluckcluck. xoxo
The Hard
– Driving to Davis to turn in paperwork, and the people I need to turn it into (and sign in front of!) were not there. And would not be there for two more hours, at the same time as my dentist appointment, half hour away by my house. grr.
– Almost crying at work. I have 2 weeks left (officially 7 working days not counting today) and don’t know how to respond when people get all mushy and tell me that they’ll miss me and miss working with me.
– blisters from my new vibrams. They are not supposed to do that. *frown*
The Good
– I sat down and focused for a long time on editing last night and earlier this week I had over twenty pages to go in my edits, now I have 9 pages. Woo! Way to VPA it Mel 🙂
– Dentist went well, my teeth are cleaned. Our hygenist guy is healthy again.
– Early Bus all week and hanging out with my husband and going on a walk. Also I got my cool invisble shoes this week and have been wearing them. yay! And I went running.
– Going to sleep when I am tired, and waking up on my own before the alarm.
– 750 words. I’ve written nearly 20,000 words of non-fiction this month, so two days ago I also set up a fiction account where I can make story starts. It is fun. If it stops being fun, I will stop. Easy peasy.
– Husband has been getting paid (and paid well) for his work. This definitely is helping to keep the money monsters at bay as I prepare to quit my job for half as much pay when I go back to school.
The hard stuff:
-That Time of the Month this week. Many associated aches, discomforts and inconveniences.
-In probably related news, I’ve been sleeping poorly the past couple of nights, especially last night, when I kept waking every couple of hours. Argh!
-Two people I care about deeply coming into conflict with each other, which changed the character of an entire weekend day. Sigh.
The good stuff:
+Lots and lots of sovereignty! People get upset with each other, and I don’t make it my problem. People get upset with me, and I don’t necessarily make that my problem, either. I own my stuff, and let them have theirs. Do you know how much easier it is to be with certain people when I don’t feel the anxious need to fix their distress? Yes, yes, you probably do.
+Extra journals and pens, waiting patiently for me to play with them.
+Making people laugh. Gosh, that’s fun!
+Romantic weekend getaway starts tomorrow! Ocean! I will see you very soon!
Cheers, Chickeneers!
The Hard
– periodically being locked out of my own office (apparently my key kept breaking the lock … we found out after 2 new locks were installed)
– a VERY HUGE DEADLINE came out of nowhere
– slowly getting back into the swing of the new semester
The Good
– Vegas, Baby! And an upgrade to first class on the flight
– standing my ground on the sudden VERY HUGE DEADLINE as in “If you want the report by October 15th, then you need to get me all the data by September 14th.” (side note – I’ve been asking for the data since February … and now I’m actually getting it!)
– Kate Somerville skin care – I bought some 2 weeks ago and am officially LOVING it
hey week, hey chickeneers!
The hard:
-Bleaughruaghfaughblah…. obviously the correct word for the unwilling apathy and ennui of this week. I’d rather monsters, although this is likely a monster. plus not being able to unstick self from avoidance-books to find out what it was about. blargh.
^that, again. twas that bad.
-reaching all the depths of the hard in a conversation. about money. and debt. and (not) living up to assumed standards. and the spoiling of gifts, past and future. and oooof! possibly ennui is grief over this one conversation.
-apparently leaving current life and lifestyle is difficult? d’oh. true.
-hot. sticky. jackhammering. unpleasant environs.
The good:
+Great weekend w/ friends and bikes and mountains and excellent beers!
+being stuck in books does mean you get to read the good stuff.
+the yoga class that fixed everything. yay, yoga!
+the huge moon 🙂
<3
Acknowledging and bowing to Delight, in all her glorious shapes and forms.
My Ouch Hards:
– Unidentified nasty sickness all week, starting Saturday evening.
– Losing my commuter tickets.
– Crazy blood sugar nastiness on Monday.
– Amelia having bad scrapes on her feet from slipping off the sidewalk.
– Skin erosions starting again.
– Forgetting my work passes on Wednesday.
– Losing the Cape Cod trip.
– Very little time to write or do any storyfletching.
– Not enough time to see friends, either.
My Whee Goods:
* Sleeping until 8 am on Thursday and Friday.
* Finding my commuter tickets at workplace Lost and Found! Thank you, kind and honest workpeoples!
* Coming home to Lovelyman on Monday and having him take care of sugar-yo-yo-ing me.
* Dead Can Dance concert. WOW. Wooooow.
* I got a terrific haircut Saturday morning!! Looong overdue.
* Ohh so grateful for good friends (and their birthdays)
* Happy plants in the cloudforest! So glad for the flourishing purple passion vines…
* The many small ways in which Delight and Joy have come to find me this week.
Sending out tons of packages of peace and relief to all the chickeneers.
“And then, much to my astonishment, it turned out that everything is different there now. None of the people or experiences that I associate with that place are there anymore. The place reconfigured along with me, apparently.”
This is so helpful as I learn how to be new me in the old space. Thank you for sharing.
Hard:
See: new me in old space.
School started, which means wakeup calls and pick ups and drop offs.
Borrowing hard ahead of time (hockey stuff starts in two weeks, I am so not ready). Breathing and grounding and reminding myself that that large meteor from Armageddon *could* be lurking out there and do I really want to spend my last time here fretting over something that hasn’t happened yet?
It’s still hot. And I still can’t wear pants. No matter how funky and cool they are 🙁
I miss pomegranate tea at Perk’s. Which is now Whit’s, and which now has smaller sitting space.
Not having my old standbys to fall back on when the anxiety hits. (Texting my ex, random small purchases, eating, knitting)
Good:
Still receiving very positive feedback on the new direction with my art.
It’s not too hot for hot tea at Donkey. As long as I sit by the AC vent. And let it cool off some before I start drinking it. 🙂
I was ok that only three people came to my reception. They were three people I liked. And I got to know another local artist better because I wasn’t socializing with other visitors.
Doctor Who!
Listening to a VPA call from the Floop and having some bings.
Shiva Nata.
Hanging out at the Floop and realizing how much unstuck has happened while I wasn’t even looking. Incredible!
And finally, three day weekend means Moms Wakeup Call and Taxi gets to sleep in and stay home (if I want to). Hooray!
Friday! You are here again, so fast! Hmm…I’m sure I say a variant on this every week. This week has been – mixed. So, onwards so chickening!
Hard:
Incredibly tired and lacking in motivation this week. So unusual, and had a couple of moments of freaking out that this was the start of some horredous epic months of sickness like last winter.
I’ve really been questioning everything I’m doing this week, and feeling rather frustrated on a number of fronts. Hard!
Joining up to a meet group where the meet-up places assume that you will be able to drive there. Annoying.
Seeing how much being in my patterns has lead to me playing small and so forth in my life, and moments of sadness about this.
Good:
My kitties are so soft and sweet and adorable!
The tired and no-motivation mood has shifted. Woot!
AND even though I felt like poo, I was still able to be kind to myself. Literally no self-hating going on. Amazed.
Plus being aware of being in my stuff much more.
I asked for more interpersonal connection last week and woot! it has been a veritable waterfall of connection, both online and off.
Including a lovely lunch yesterday with a friend. Mmmm..carrot and ginger soup!
And discovering a new cafe in a little airport, where you can sit out near the runway and look at the planes. Fun!
Finding just the right photoframes at the just right price point and them arriving super quickly. Yay!
This feeling of self-possession.
Stuff moving, even if it is taking way longer than I’d hoped/planned.
A very exciting new idea! And being able to give myself time to let it develop organically rather than being all Pressurrey McPressure Pants to have the thing finished before I’ve even started.
Excitements about the next two weeks!
Good wishes to all of you for the week ahead!
Hard:
– Super deep into recovery/processing/re-entry mode. Which means, among other things, sleeping for more hours each day than I’m awake. And not answering any e-mails. And getting nothing done whatsoever. Though it’s hard to be too upset about this, because I’m mostly very tired.
– School of Rock. Surprisingly stressful movie.
– Doing all kinds of work on connecting and not ending up with a feeling of actual connection. And I have pretty much no clews or leads on why, though maybe that’s because I’m about to fall back asleep.
– Still have no decent clothes. At all.
– Still the thing for which surgery is a (perhaps inadequate) proxy. Frustration + annoyance + not getting anywhere.
– Oh my good lord money. If I had the energy to be freaking out, freak outs would be occurring.
– Dentist won’t let me schedule an appointment online. As in “any dentist in Portland.” And one even has a place where they let you *request* appointments online, but all that means is that they’ll call you several days later to say “you should call us sometime.” Which is exactly what I don’t want to do in the first place.
Good:
– The workshop was amazing and life changing and totally worth all the stress of getting there. And all this sleep is helping me integrate it and everything is going to be different and most of it better now.
– Somehow, in the few hours I’ve been awake this week, the entire living room finally got unpacked and clean. It is weird and delightful to be able to actually walk through it, to sit on chairs, to see the floor… Now if the dining room and office would follow in its footsteps.
– Last Thursday! Not only did I go, and not only was it a great thing, but I wasn’t overwhelmed at *all*. I feel like some version of myself from 8 years ago before the HSPness got out of control. It’s great.
– I get to have a baby in a few months! And it’s gotten very very exciting all of the sudden.
– Harry Potter y el prisionero de azkaban! My favorite of them all! In Spanish!
– Sunday morning, and the most amazing place of connection and calm and beauty. Now nothing will ever be the same.
The Hard:
Vaguely sick and started week with camping trip. Camping with 6 year old and 2 year old dog is less relaxing than perhaps intended.
Open house and meet-the-teacher day at Boy’s school. HSP Mom does not like crushing crowds of kids. Slight meep-fear of “I am sure I’m doing this wrong” and monsters of “I suck at being school Mom.”
Wrestling with systems. Ack.
The Good:
Cairene is a systems goddess!! She de-wrestled everything and I feel immensely better.
Boy is no longer sick. (yay!) And he’s looking forward to all-day school, and I’m looking forward to him being there (which means dedicated time for me AND knowing he’s got a regular routine. FTW!)
People enjoying the blog post. New seeds and ideas.
Discovering I can work less than I am. And that I can choose that.
Camping had fun moments. Sunshine and quiet and slow.
Now, off for a sneaky nap. 🙂
Hello Friday! Hello Chickeners!
The Hard:
– Tired. Getting to bed after midnight, and then being woken up at 6 am by a nipping puppy every day this week. I love her, but sometimes…
– Feeling very scattered and disembodied. I suspect it’s due to spending far too much time staring at a screen editing and concentrating too hard. .
– More guests! Staying for two weeks! I know I’m the one who kindly volunteered her space for him to stay in, but now I’m learning that I am a territorial creature. I need my bedroom (even if I’m not always sleeping in it!) to feel safe and have a place to hide when HSP-introvert me gets overwhelmed. Cue buckets of frustration and monster scripts about “extravagance.”
– My household is experiencing a massive communication breakdown this week. Misheard words, misinterpreted conversations, simply “not hearing” each other on any level. I know this will pass, but it’s frustrating for decisions that normally take .8 seconds have taken five minutes of circular discussion this week.
– People who are supposed to be on my team losing important information, and then expecting me to fix the problem. C’mon, guys!
The Good:
– Hired!! I landed the job I wanted! This is me doing the happy dance of abundance.
– The massive [silent retreat] of doom and ugh has stabilized for the moment.
– My mom is very rarely available (both literally and metaphorically), but we had a really nice phone call last night, which is a big step up for both of us.
– My puppy loves strangers, and kids, and other dogs. She is this big fluffy bundle of cheerful love and optimism. I am so proud (and relieved), and I can’t wait to take her to work with me.
– Everyone in my household now has a day job. So we can do fun things again like go out for dinner, and buy bookshelves and pay our bills. Oh happy days!
– Some great progress on reconnecting.
– Watching “Wonder Falls.” If you haven’t seen it, go find it. It’s brilliant.
And that’s a wrap. Happy weekend all!
Yay, playdates!
This week’s hard:
– Overwhelm. Shoes. Suck. Avoidance.
– Monster headache this afternoon. Still hanging around.
This week’s good:
– Was able to use tools to deal with at least some of the overwhelm, shoes, suck, and avoidance.
– Was able to compartmentalize and keep all of that from seeping into my playtime.
– A couple of really nice outings, solo and with friends.
Happy weekend, Chickeneers!
@Robyn — LOVED Wonderfalls! So sad when they didn’t renew it.
Wow… it seems like everyone is chickening today! Chicken party!
The Hard
-Car wouldn’t start on Monday and again today. This means more electrical system gremlins. And then the AAA guy who came to jump it both times made a comment today about “maybe you should just bring it to the dealership and trade it in” and it triggered All My Stuff. And then the guy at the shop spent 30 minutes with it and told me he couldn’t figure out what was wrong. The next appointment at Chrysler is next Wednesday and I have to drive to Portland next Saturday. But… [cont’d in The Good]
-All work and no play makes Sarah a dull girl… was feeling super-low energy and cranky and disconnected yesterday even though I am now in a place with a friend. Too much time in the house. [con’t in The Good]
-Cramps. Ow.
-Struggling with learning how to make a website for my dad. Working on one piece of coding for a large part of a day and then realizing that once I got it to work, it looked like poop! [cont’d in The Good]
-Car stuff triggered the money stuff again. [cont’d in The Good]
-3 days lost to the evil articles. [cont’d in The Good]
The Good
-I am happy that the car thing seems to “just” be a drain on the battery and Chrysler will be able to take a look at it on Wednesday and for now I figured out how to disconnect the battery. Fingers crossed that they can excise the electrical demons!
-Yay friend! Yay being at “summer camp” and so many things getting done. I like Idaho sooooooo much!
-LINE DANCING! I never thought I would say line dancing is a good thing, but it’s soo much fun! And it’s the only kind of dance they have here. And also yay for recognizing that what I needed was to go dance and be with people. This is a fairly new realization. (Oh, and I got invited to the invite-only advanced line dancing class. yeah, I’m kind of proud of that.)
-The reasons-why-I-shouldn’t-freak-out-about-money are still holding, despite it being almost September. Possibly having a client helps? And having discussions about continuing to do stuff for her even after this project launches.
-Got the evil articles that I write every month done in 3 days… this is a record. They were still painful, but less so than in past months.
-Things getting done… like the website for my permission slips classes. And the articles. Not necessarily the things I had planned to get done, but still really important good things.
-Realizing I’m getting pretty fast at CSS stuff after struggling with my dad’s website thing. I ended up having to use the same exact piece of code on my own site, so even though it didn’t work on his, I needed to learn it anyway. Time was not wasted.
-My leg goes above my knee for tree pose now… I don’t know when this happened but I discovered it yesterday and thought it was neat. Yay more spaciousness in the body!
The end. I am always so surprised when these come around – Friday is so sneaky! But also lovely. Happy weekend!!
Hard:
* major shoulder-arm issue
* insomnia
* writing mojo emphatically AWOL atm
Good:
* beach, bookstores, baseball, gardens, jazz, and good eats
* things solving themselves when I give them space
* fresh clews
Wishing all of you a grand and love-filled start to September.
The Hard:
There is One Thing that would help my husband’s back spasms and we do not have it.
We do not know when his MRI results will be back and if they will show the problem which needs to be fixed in surgery.
Being in pain makes him cranky which makes me snappy.
The Good:
more money has been arriving lately!
I have a website client. Hurrah! She is a friend.
my illustration client has posted the things that i illustrated! SO PRETTY. I am so pleased.
I have been writing lately.
I would like to do the 3 day novel contest! This seems difficult challenge but do-able!
A little late with the chicken this week, but so helpful to read everyone else’s stories.
The hard:
-The worst allergies ever this week, and usual meds have failed me. Realizing that there’s a lot I could do to take better care of myself.
-Doing next year’s budget at work is always stressful, and this year is no exception.
-I find B and all the people he has assembled around him alienating, or just not kindred spirits. For some reason my monsters are screaming “DOOM” about this, which led to crying on the way home from work one day this week. (Although I suppose it doesn’t have to mean DOOM. It could just mean icky and uncomfortable but otherwise innocuous.)
The good:
-I wrote a speech this week! And it wasn’t even hard. I always thought it required some kind of speechwriter magic dust, but I got it done.
-Really fun outing with my cousins yesterday. Nice to feel part of a family, however eccentric.
-Met a lovely helpful person this week who was very encouraging about my future plans.
-Smart of me to go to bed at 9:30 every night this week, which beat back some of the allergy misery.
-Sweet cats piled up on me last night when I was feeling so ill. Thanks guys!
All best to the chickeneers.
I’ll silent retreat on this week, but I just want to send out hugs and good thoughts to everybody!
Invoking amnesty! So very synchronous-I’m working with the quality of Pleasure this lunation and it’s giving me lots of gifts, not leats fo which is Trust.
the hard ws mostly trivial:
-random stuck
-no sobriety, non-sobriety a dull white noise. bleah
-the boring narrative of i do all the hosue work is boring. but then i really do all the housework.
but the good was ery good:
-engaged and busy at wotk
-refining systems in the daily routines
-the gift of wonderful clothes yielding treasures: perfect khaki shorts, cute tops, cashmere sweaters! thinsg for oldest kid too!
-i need a better metaphor for increased selfcare, but yeah, increased self care
-incuding a body wrap groupon thingie and having my hair done by a beautiful biracial gay Voudounsis on Blue Moon friday in the old neighborhood
-having my pictured taken. not happy with how i look but the pics are very good
-really enjoying PIlates, really beockign more focused and engagd in my workout
-Blue Moon! id a beautiful obsrrvance, good work
-with the new hair and clothes, feeling very Natasha lately–sexy, powerful and smart.
-i dedeicated this lunation to Pleasure, and it is teaching me a lot of wonderful things. Hooray for hummingbirds!
-using Art of Embarking all the time now. Planning on using it re-enetering my writing practice, used it to help the kids Enter the School year.
-giving myself this time off the writing is not comfy–i can neither write, or hget ove the nagging feeling that ishould be writing. i am doing all kinds of active outdoor stuff (it is the end of summer, and soon i’ll be indoors more often than i want to be). but i am happy with how i’m taking care of myself lately–settign aside down time, picking pleasure instead of more work, calling in support of all kinds, takign a break when i need it
The Hard
– Consoling my monster, thanking her and trying to convince her that if we take the leap, the net will appear.
The Good
– Learning how to console my monster, thanking her and convincing her that if we take the leap, the net will appear.
– Leaping