Where I cover the good and the hard in my week, visiting the non-preachy side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
I am in my second week of my two weeks away at the VICARAGE. Two weeks of delicious away, and I won’t say much about what or where or how or why, because: silent retreat!
So: a brief chicken, and a place to play.
What worked?
Silent retreat!
Consciously choosing when to enter into conversation.
But mainly reserving the right to use silent retreat as a way of being. Silent meals, with Potter the mouse. Silent everything. Just to see what it feels like.
Next time I might…
Apologize less.
And remember that not everything requires a response.
The hard.
- Questions that lead to more questions.
- Flux.
- I don’t want to be done yet.
The good.
- Horizon.
- Water.
- This is where I live.
- Time.
- Space.
- Harmony and congruence.
- The knight and the key.
- Dance.
- Realizations and epiphanies.
- Appreciation for the me who set this up and the me who will return.
Superpowers!
A superpower I had this week…
The superpower of noticing tiny and useful things.
And a superpower I want next week.
The superpower of Easy Transitions and also the superpower of Hahahahahaha This Is Actually Ridiculously Easy.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
Background. Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once invented hanging out at the Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.
This week’s band plays calypso music and is always having a good time.
Bird With A Taco.
Though, of course, it’s really just one guy.
Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. Announcement time.
Picture me wearing that crazy hat…
I recommend the class on TIME. You’ll need it for the Year of Emptying and Replenishing (password: compass), which begins soon and is going to be amazing.
That’s it for me …
Join my Friday ritual in the comments if you feel like it. Or call silent retreat!
We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. And we don’t give advice (unless people specifically ask for it).
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.
Follow
Cluck chickeneers.
Hard stuff
– digging deep down into the dirt to lay strong foundations. It gets mucky.
– the letters I.D. and the number 67
– sovereignty fails all over the place
–
making an ass of myselfmaladaptive coping mechanisms (let’s put a little space between what I really think happened and what happened in a cool, clinical sense, hey?)– apparently I’m still good at disconnecting from what I’m really feeling. Which leads to ass-ery.
– also, claiming my enneatype-1 wing. Which accounts for a lot of the hardness about the three items above. Judgement: I haz it! Type-9-typically deny this as I may. Self-judgement most of all. *sigh*
– money slackness and needing to create structures to direct this energy more effectively.
– cooking. Or, being tired more accurately. But having to cook anyway.
– tiredness.
Good stuff
+ I have the tools and allies and willingness to dig these foundations. I will not regret not building strong foundations.
+ the secret code opens a pot of gold coins. Which will be handy.
+ I have people who will call me on my bullshit with love nowadays. That’s a different way to do it.
+ putting a value on my energy, even when it doesn’t make some fat old rich white guy a profit. Stepping out of the race. Abstaining from the competition. Occupying my life.
+ there is this website? called Pandora? and it plays music you like without you having to choose it all? and it’s great? #trippingoverthings
+ Portal-Land, October 2014. It’s a thing.
+ putting the kids to bed at the same time cuts down on the go-to-sleep crying, by about 18-25 minutes. All she wants is some company. Fair enough. And easy to manage. Only took me two weeks to think of it. That’s probably actually a really good thing, but hey, I have a one-wing that is chronically dissatisfied. It’s kind of boring, actually.
+ Wow, I can turn anything around to beating myself up tonight huh? And this is a list of good things so this is good because…. this is a pattern that I can learn to observe and recognise and then be unimpressed by and interact with. Right. Destuck 1-01.
+ I am sitting on my deck, writing my chicken, looking at the stars, with food in my pantry and money in my bank account, and people who, despite myself, love me. I will figure the rest out.
xoxoxo
Hello, my fellow chickeneers 🙂
Hard bits
– K had his week of nights, I felt lonely
– Where oh where will the protein come from
– Wardrobe grumpiness
– Bad dream about [x] dying
– Tax delays
– Intense boredom at work slash unwillingness to do the work I do have at hand slash fear of the void of absolute nothingness that lies just beyond
– Kitchen stucknesses
– Wanting the rabbit, wanting the rabbit SO BAD
– All the proxy things that the corduroy rabbit was about
– K’s sleep disturbance thing = scary (and messy)
Good bits!
+ Hallelujah and welcome, Friday!
+ Using my personal Floop Sloop (<3 Scrivener!) for processing more and more
+ Easy wonderful bedtimes with lullabies
+ Lusciousness and being held (oh my)
+ Friday is the day I share the news of my pregnancy with my workmates! Hooray for that!
+ Ordered new glasses! Anticipation!
+ Some excellent food inspiration this week
+ More anticipation: prix fixe at Navarre next week!
+ S's little 5-week old schmoo in a tiny green fisherman sweater came to visit us at lunch, and oh the cuteness.
+ The sun last weekend that fueled All The Cleanings and made me feel so alive and ready for spring.
+ Feeling really good about the many plans that are slowing paralleling and starting to merge into This Life That I Love. That feels really, really good.
Love to all. Many enfolding hugs (if you want them) for the hard, I know I could have used a lot of those this week too. May we all get what we need <3
Okay. Chickening. Hello, Chicken. I am here.
What worked? Compassing. I suspect that I have barely begun to scratch the surface of ways I can play with this technique. The newness is exciting.
Next time… Perhaps I will remember that a 180-calorie protein shake is not lunch. It just isn’t. Cripes.
A hard thing: The Wizard is still job-hunting, and this week, the hottest prospect was in Iowa. I am sure that Iowa is a beautiful place, but it never occurred to me that I might live there. At the thought of living that far from the ocean, I feel a faint sense of panic.
A good thing: An unexpected morning spent in bed, napping and dreaming and journaling and journeying through all the states of consciousness. This was so rich and refreshing that I decided to count it as my artist date for the week.
Superpowers! This week: Safety Dance. Next week: Instant Art.
Hello chicken. Am I glad to see you!
What worked:
Being kind to myself.
Letting go of expectations of doing anything other than absolutely absolutlies, and just taking care of myself the rest of the time.
Next time I might:
Get someone else to help me proofread!
The hard:
Mainly silent retreating on this, but ouch, ouch, ouch. My heart!
And then, when full of ouchy heartness, having to go and promote Valentine’s Day. A little too Alanis Morrisette for my tastes.
Feeling really physically blah.
Bonus PMT!
Feeling anxious about all the things I thought I would do in early January, that are still undone.
Monsters have been cavorting after the last couple of weeks.
Some hardcore jealousy of someone, even as I’m also glad for them.
The Good:
Even when things have been super hard, I’ve managed to do stuff that helps and not lapse into utter self-hatred and despair.
Work went rather well this week and I’m looking forward to the charity night I’m planning.
Writing.
Shamanic journeying.
Seeing the best friend for a long catch up.
Realising how much cleaning and clearing I’ve done.
Realising how much I’ve learnt and grown and integrated in the last year!
Beautiful sunsets.
Kitty snuggles.
Dancing! Finally actually have the energy to dance and enjoy it, and noticing that I’m suddenly getting the things that I’d been struggling with.
Love and hugs to all who want them. <3
Oh, just reading the good from the Vicarage is like getting a soul bath. Mini VPA to start the chicken: I want weeks of silent retreat and horizon and water and dance! So much I want! Planted.
What Worked:
– Using the giant zombie day to plant seeds for the next two days. Not doing is doing! Not doing is DOING!
– Putting fears inside compasses. Pages and pages of compasses, encompassing all the fears. –>This dissolved my writer’s block.
– Investing Precious Work Time on things in the soft, even though there were things to do in the hard.
– Investigating the issue of the phonecall, which turned out not to require a phonecall at all.
– Mini chicken with FB Floopers.
– (Mostly) nightly bath while listening to teleclasses. In teeny tiny chunks. The right size.
For Next Time I Might:
– Work more with the money gremlins.
– Give myself more permission to take time off. (I’m on Sabbatical, Monsters! Sabbatical!)
The Hard:
– Thought I was making huge progress on [Secret Project] but then it seemed like the progress was taken away by something someone else did. Even though it wasn’t true, it hurt.
– When a shoe got thrown at my writing. A large and not particularly soft shoe.
– Money gremlins. Possibly not even my money gremlins? Someone’s gremlins.
– Possible bear time. Which shouldn’t happen for months, but may have happened last month, but may have been a fluke. Body is sending all kinds of mixed signals, and scheduling is difficult.
– Zombie day. And the two nights before it when the baby nursed every two hours and didn’t necessarily sleep in between.
The Good:
– I am so grateful for every person I met in the Floop. They are amazing and I get to have them in my life and… gratitude. The Floop may be in dry dock, but it’s alive and well in my life.
– Writing! Writing is wonderful.
– Being complimented on my usage of uncommon grammar. By the very person from whom I most want compliments! Which doesn’t sounds as amazing as it is but it’s really amazing.
– Going on walks in my gorgeous new neighborhood. And somehow missing all the sunny hours by minutes and getting rained on and loving it.
– Wrote down all the things I’d do if I had a year and unlimited money, and found out that I’m already doing most of them in smaller bits (like: If I had unlimited money I’d hire my friend Maggie to be my personal chef and my friend Rachel to be my personal yoga instructor, but I already cook with Maggie once a week and I already go to Rachel’s yoga classes…)
– I have the best daughter ever.
Superpowers:
Superpower I had last week: Seeing the thing I want inside the thing I don’t want.
Superpower I would like to have this week: The superpower of self-connection.
Love to you, chickaneers!
Hello, Friday afternoon. You’re looking fine…
What worked?
* staying home
* waiting
* measuring
What might I try next time?
* leaving earlier
* schlepping less
Hard:
* More than one Slightly Future Me wanted my attention this week. And the one that was the noisiest turned out to be a decoy.
* Yeast infection. Yuck.
* Nightmares. Double yuck.
* Waiting on my replacement glasses
* Amateur hour at the neighborhood post office. Holy Saint Gabriel…
* Gunk. So. Much. Gunk.
Good:
* Some ancient iguanas closer to the door
** …including finally advertising that my stepdancing shoes are for sale
* Invoices out the door!
* Clews everywhere — in things not working, in Martha Beck’s blog, in the newspapers — everywhere. Recognizing the decoy as a distraction before I ended up underwater.
* Plans to observe Pi Day. Irrationally, hee. 😉
* Quality time at my neighborhood bakery. Coffee, newspapers, an eclair, the wonderful couple running it, the fun music on the PA… *happy sigh*
* Enjoying studying (sheep-shaped flashcards FTW!)
* Mail! (*waves happily at DawnRae*)
* Unplugging in 90 minutes!
Superpower I had this week: discernment. It was in the powder room during happy hour with the decoy, but swooped in before I even knew in at least two other situations. Yay, filter!
Superpowers I’m calling on for next week: Not everything needs or deserves my two cents. The ability to distinguish needy vs. deserving vs. noisy.
Shabbat shalom! Warm wishes to you all.
Cheers, Chickeneers!
It was a week of good and awesome. Many things coming together.
The Hard
– not having my usual space and quiet at home due to out-of-town guests
– hearing I’d be attending a meeting with my one-and-only nemesis (whom I haven’t crossed paths with in 3 years but last time we met it wasn’t pretty)
The Good
– hearing back about [X] in the affirmative way sooner than expected
– getting invited to a very cool meeting in Washington DC next month
– generally being in flow
This week:
Hard/good combo:
Not doing: this was my jam
New furnace=return of hot water
Also it kinda exploded all over some boxes and emergency unpacking had to happen and it was hard to even get up and deal w this minimally
Someone stood up for me or something, I don’t even know what happened, and something (blergh) was totally fixed before I had energy to even check email (still haven’t). Yay.
Veronica Mars and Roseanne are helping enormously
Bedtime is shifting earlier, but when it doesn’t do this I am toast.
Hard: what is happening? Where? What?
SP I had: Rest. Timing.
SP I want next week: everything is a lot better and organized. Energy. Healing.
Happy weekend, chickens!
Hard:
-Squirrels in the house (not a fake band!)
-Having to organize about getting rid of them humanely while already having too many other things to do.
-Having too many other things to do.
-The Never-Ending Stupid of That One Thing.
-Having to learn a new piece of technology ASAP
-Weather, all cold and gray and gloomy.
-Ophthalmologist didn’t find what has been causing eye pain.
-Writing and saying things that seem crystal clear to me but apparently not to other people. Writing and saying things that sound awkward because I’m trying to make sure they’re clearly understood.
-Missing some friends and having no interest in making contact with them even though I miss them.
-Son’s birthmother calling me because she’s worried about something, and later acting like I was the one who was worried.
-Dry air, dry hair, dry skin. Itchy itchy.
-Pain. Including new ones.
Good:
-MrB gets to return to using his insulin pump instead of taking four injections a day!
-I finally was able to buy some full-spectrum light bulbs.
Ophthalmologist said my eyes are doing well; the glaucoma and other conditions I’m at risk for have not manifested, and I don’t need new glasses.
-Good class sessions, and an inquiry about doing another private class.
-Time at the bookstore. Finding a couple of books that I’ve been wanting.
-Books! Being surrounded by books at home.
-Having time to read. Or, more accurately, *taking* time to read and not hearing any monster complaints about it.
What worked this week:
-Using the super powers of playfulness and investigation.
-The squirrel eviction project fractal flowered into other areas. Very helpful.
Next time?
-Keeping TOT away from my favorite places.
-Allocating my time and tasks differently, and using pomodoros and sprints.
What worked?
Keeping busy and staying off of facebook more. I think I will keep that little to no FB thing going as I am starting to absolutely despise it again.
Making my final decision to move away an not get another apt. in this city or state for a while.
Planning out what to do with my things and where I will stay the next few months.
I wish I would have followed my heart and what that inner voice was telling me sooner about the above two things, but oh, well.
The Hard –
Having to deal with yet another music and art scene flake who totally disrespected something I loaned her and made it a huge pain in the ass to get back, minus a part of it. I was so disgusted and PMSing, that I un-friended her finally when she didn’t apologize, offer to replace something, or even to look for it. Turns out she is not liked by a lot of people, but I still wondered if I should have done that. However, I’ve had enough of flakes and self-absorbed demons parading as humans with an agenda. Really have. And it was more than just this one thing.
Seeing that I am disgusted and about driven in by so many unhealthy experiences and interactions with selfish people in this town.
The Helpful –
Knowing I wasn’t alone and that a few other people see the paradox of this city too and find it difficult here more than anywhere else they’ve ever lived.
To know I am going to be out of here and put it all behind me – especially the narcissist ex-boyfriend experience that was traumatizing for me, along with other really nasty people I had as friends for years. I will be leaving here only retaining a couple of good friendships and few others that might have been had I stayed.
The Good –
Someone I don’t hear from often reaching out to me and offering me love and encouragement on next adventure! That was nice. I saw and reached out to receive the love out there and returned it too.
Realizing I made a few more connections than I realized with good people.
That I won’t be paying rent for a while, just storage space.
That I have options.
That I get the hell out of here again.
Being my own best support and friend. Getting myself through this.
Distractions in organizing for very big changes.
Realizing my priorities more than ever as change gets ready to occur and is occurring.
Being able to give two men who were struggling some encouragement and connection was formed there too.
Superpower was active this week:
getting things done
feeling the love of the universe come through to me in need and giving it back out too.
what I want for next week =
Even less facebook, totally don’t even get on there.
Keep packing and organizing.
Momentum.
Superpower –
Knowing how to allow things to fall into place and happen on time, not at the 11th hour in a rush.
Playing with –
Positive distraction.
Looking forward not back.
Keep hands busy.
Letting go of attachments to many material items.
P.S. I have to add thi: Staying present and not letting the memory ghosts cloud my mind and my heart. Enough of that! You are just air and thoughts!
Hullo Chickeneers!
Another week flies by… aswirl… aswirl.
What worked?
Stopping to take in the good in the moment it is happening.
Imagining.
Resting.
Reading.
Staring.
Sitting in silence.
Next time I might…
Allow even more.
Absorb even more.
Soak in the goodness.
The hard:
– Still so cold… I dream of summer. Or just -10C
– Doubt about the book… about where it is going, how it will all end, what the FRIGGEN “point” of it all is
– The money worries are creeeeeeping back in the dark time of the night
The good:
+ Walks. Best walks. Best if I walk.
+ Silence – out on the river, here in our home. Silence and space to think and dream.
+ Books – such good good books I’ve been reading. A balance of “fun” and “sorta serious” stuff. Oh I could just curl up for the rest of this winter with a book or seven.
+ Guitar time.
+ Free online courses. Signed up for 3 MooCs (massive open online courses) this week ~ Aboriginal Worldviews and Education (University of Toronto – Feb 4 weeks), Know Thyself (University of Virginia – Mar 10 weeks) and Why We Need Psychology (University of London – June 6 weeks). Get the ole brainbox working again.
Superpowers!
Superpower I had this week…
Ability to face the fear and walk through it.
Clarity. Thank you, oh bestower of powers. Thank you.
And a superpower I want next week.
Calm sure stepping. Step Step step.
Calm sure weaving. Weave weave weave.
Sending bright blessings / good vibes / warmth to the chickens, one and all.
Tastes like chicken…
What worked: Going to bed early.
Next time I might: Remember to fill the humidifier tank in the morning, rather than remembering at night when tired and cranky are running the show.
The hard:
Ugh, the weather. Gray, wet, cold and icy. The “season of perpetual darkness” we call it.
Too icy to walk in my neighborhood today. Sad!
On the phone from Florida, my mother awakens the monsters who want me to know how HORRIBLY DANGEROUS it is to drive during winter weather. (Thanks guys, can I give you back to my mom?)
My wait for Boss #8 (in two years) to be named will be longer, as they are re-opening the search.
And then when they find Boss #8, I am going to have to train/orient/explain everything. Again. Weary.
Covering for (name redacted) who is on paternity leave. More weary.
Cannot eat 4 days of lentils straight. Too dull (this recipe anyway). Monsters hold symposium about wasting food.
The good:
Getting new ideas for things to do, people to talk to.
Learning things, which keeps me busy. My classmates are awesome.
Fun things are also in the works, like vacations and trips to get pancakes.
Visited with Boss #7 and pointed out some of the projects that I’d like to contribute to. I think it made an impression. We’ll see.
Everything is about choices. I just need to figure out which choices are the ones that matter.
Ordinarily I would be in NYC for a conference this week, but since they are having a raging blizzard, kind of glad to be here instead.
Pakistani food tonight? Who’s in?
Have a good week everyone!
Aah, Chickening.
The Hard:
-Upper respitory infection of DOOM
– Cold car rides
-That one piece of bad news that made me feel stoopid
-fear, shame, sadness, terror, ect
-angst about not having a computer or steady internet, feeling left out and like i’m missing out on the fun
-disappointment in general
-onset of dreaded spring thing
-money blerghs
The Good:
+Three days of sweet, sorely needed rest
+my bedroom feels more like a sanctuary than ever
+All the sleeps!
+Reading books
+Dark blue and vibrant red
+conducting all the time. monsters still skeptical about its efficacy, but i enjoy doing it, so they just roll their eyes and let me get on with it. (p.s., i’d love to have a fb group for YEAR participants who won’t be on the Floop, anyone else?)
+I was able to negotiate with the monsters
+Work was not panicky this week
+My weekly escape is in t-minus 2 hours!
+Beautiful sunshine, clear skies, birdsong and beautiful vistas outside my window
+A tiny bouquet of flowers just for me
+Family time
+possibilities reminding me that things will work out, even if i can’t figure out how just yet.
What worked?
Tea.
Sun.
Painting my nails.
Conducting.
Switching it up whenever I had a twinge to.
Pandora.
What might I try next time?
Know exactly where the x is at all times. simplify the homes!
Something from Past or Future me, to remind me that the doom is normal, and temporary, and really i’m doing a great job.
More reminders about my weekday stuff, so i have a chance to actually finish those tasks.
More talking it out. i need to have more ppl to do this with, as well as reach out to the ppl i already have on team me.
Supapowahs!
This week: Super sleep/rest. Calm in the face of hard. Sweetness.
Next week: I want more of The Right Music at The Right Times.
The Superpowah of Always Having Enough.
And more of Wonderful Things Developing Quietly In The Background.
Sparkly vibes for everyone who reads.
HARD!
+Surprise Audit, eek! (but it turned out okay!)
+Rainbow Crash! so much yuck (also turning out okay, but UGH, so much yuck)
+that stupid horrible triggery peacock song
+seeing [Butterfly Visions]
GOOD!
+dinner and karaoke with my friends!
+i can go on Adventures On The Moon again!
+i did not miss the Rainbowfest meeting and it was a pretty good meeting! which i was not expecting, so yay!
+coconut lime cookies!
+peanut butter gingerbread cookies
+FINALLY spaceshipped Project Giftpax! ALL THE SPARKLEPOINTS FOR ME!!
+working on Iscariot!
+also working on EYW-VH!
+BRAHMS’ REQUIEM <3 <3 <3 <3
+finished Missile Boy’s surprise gift
+M[ax using a good pronoun for me!]
+Welcoming [magic friends]
+Project Butterfly
Things that worked really well for me!
+lots of beans (not a proxy! but could be one! and has previously been one!)
+journaling the shit out of EVERYTHING
+using Tarot to give extra superpowers to journaling
+Playgrounds and Ladders
+stopping when I say I’m going to stop!
+Siestas!
+HOLY SHIT my rainbow magic Ladder is still the awesomest, i’m SO AWESOME for thinking of that and rocking the crap out of it every week
+Entry and Exit Rituals!
+disarming the Monsters who were all like “you dealt with that situation WRONG!” but actually i dealt with it REALLY SUPER WELL so i was like “oh yeah? here is a list of way worse ways that i could have dealt with it! good thing i did it my way, right?” and they were like “oh yeah! you’re right!” and of course i was right 🙂
Next time I might…
+be more careful about assuming that Everything Means What I Think It Means (“making the Usual Error”)
+soak up more Qualities
+just remember that journaling the shit out of everything WORKS! it totally works! it works so much! yay.
+Siesta gladly as needed
+experiment with Wordlessness
Superpowers I’ve been using:
+Super Journaling Power
+Butterfly Power
+Superpower of Cooking Good Meals For Myself
+Superpower of Party When It’s Party Time
+Superpower of Ritual
Superpowers I Invoke:
+Superpower of Magic [Fuel!]
+Superpower of Smooth Skin
+Superpower of Fitting and Comfort
+Superpower of Sleeping When I Need To Sleep
+Superpower of Balance
+Superpower of [Magnets!]
This Chicken is brought to you by the new fake band in town, the Funk Waffles! (It’s just one waffle!)
Sunday Chicken Amnesty!
Cheers Chickeneers!
It’s been a couple of weeks, so I have some catching up to do.
What worked:
+ All the resting
+ Hot mint tea
+ Permission to not do anything I didn’t feel well enough to do – think, process, you name it.
The Hard:
– Nasty cold virus with sore throat and fever. Nasty, nasty. Watching the thermometer go up and down, up and down.
– Having to go back to work feeling only halfway well
– Worrying about work that wasn’t getting done while I was sitting home.
– Feeling left out and outside because of X. Double grouchy because I know it’s my own stuff making me feel that way.
The YAY!
+ Two incredibly awesome “small world” moments making me wonderous at the universe.
+ Finally getting over the nasty virus
+ Last-minute hunting for BUGS for my 2-year old niece, who thinks spiders and bugs are way cool. (the plastic kind)
+ Sophie’s World, which was recommended in the discussion for my MOOC, Intro to Philosophy. (I’m signed up for “Know Thyself”, too!)
Magical Powers:
Last week: The power of recuperation
Next week: Wonder and amazement
Mechaieh, thanks for writing “Some ancient iguanas closer to the door!” That line sounded like part of a song, to me. So, today, I wrote the song. 😀 \o/
For anyone who’s interested, I’ve posted my Iguana Song at http://alligatoroos.livejournal.com/37300.html.
Sending you all good wishes, for wherever you need them!
@Karensu: 🙂