Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
Note! I am still away on silent retreat at the VICARAGE.
So this week’s visions will be quieter than usual because: silent retreat!
Thing 1: Finding the fountain.
Here’s what I want:
Alon gave me a clew before I left for the Vicarage.
And the clew was Find the fountain.
Not a fountain. Find the fountain.
And I have seen some fountains. But this is about finding the fountain.
The qualities inside of the want:
Presence. Revealing. Water. Passage. Delight. Resonance. Recognition. Internal quiet. Willingness. Trust. Congruence. Remembering.
And the superpower of following instincts: knowing when to turn left, when to look up, when to pause.
Ways this might work:
Listening for the splashing sounds. Knowing that water holds and transports and cleanses.
I’m playing with…
Taking things to that fountain.
Thing 2: Easy transition.
Here’s what I want:
This week I return from the Vicarage and I am not ready to return from the Vicarage, and oh, process.
I want this transition to be easy, pleasurable, straightforward.
The qualities inside of the want:
Protection. Tenderness. Vulnerability. Passage. Safety. Shelter. Simplicity. Laughter. Presence. Delight. Wonder. Crossing. Readiness. Unveiling. Revealing. Watching. Welcoming. Trust.
And the superpowers of This Doesn’t Have To Be Hard and I Don’t Have To Do Anything Because It Is Already Happening..
Ways this might work:
Well, you know. The fountain probably knows.
And the compass. I can use the compass.
I’m playing with…
Silent retreat.
Thing 3: Time for entry and exit.
Here’s what I want:
There is a version of me who knows how to bring the Vicarage with her, and who knows how to make enough room for all the things I will be feeling about the return. I want to access what she knows.
And I want to make this the softest, quietest landing possible.
The qualities inside of the want:
Sweetness. Steadiness. Acknowledgment. Comfort. Care. Harmony. Wisdom. Patience. Steadfastness. Grounding. Enthusiasm. Sovereignty. Hope.
And the superpower of being able to take exquisite care of myself. Exquisite care. Yes.
Ways this might work:
I don’t have to know this yet.
I’m playing with…
Being clear about how I want to feel.
Noticings about the things I want this week…
I know so much more about what I want than I think I do. And I care so much less about the how than I ever have before.
Trust trust trust trust trust trust trust. And taking exquisite care of all of my selves.
Bonus wishes, please!
Some of these are secret agent code and some of them are things I’m silent retreat-ing on. Some are qualities that will help. And some are almost pre-wishes: tiny seeds for future processing.
- Elasticity.
- Letting silent retreat be its own buffer.
- Sunshine.
- People who are enthusiastic about my return.
- Playmate.
- Stones.
- Clues
- Treasure.
- Rest.
- Flowers and secret flowers and all the flowers.
- This is the right time to come back.
- Following the compass. Vitality leads.
I’m playing with…
When you love something, you create safety for it. Like with a tiny, sweet thing. So what about when I am my own tiny sweet thing?
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
I’m going to take a silent retreat on this too. Will report back once I’ve returned and landed.
Playing. Shelter for the comments.
What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like. Things sparked for your own process.
I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.
We ask for what we need, and we give each other space and spaciousness for the process.
This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We play.
That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!
As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.
xox
Follow
For you: Warm, soft, quiet, trusting, sturdy wishes for a safe return that is really more of an entry to the next level.
For me: More of that deliciously clear, commpassionate, sovereign communication I just did. Actually, make that the new normal!
And permission not to feel stressed when cleaning.
And swift easy progress on the playground project. Could it be fun?
*Blowing kisses to the typo*
Updates on last time:
* ID card fixed! Library now open to me!
* More clews re changing priorities. Some showing up as cluebats. Ow, but yay, too.
* Moat guarded.
* Mail arrived!
A Thing: Felt blindsided by several things last week. Cue tidal waves of anger and anxiety I’m still swimming through, with aftershocks. I’d like to channel them waves into moats and rice fields and reservoirs and the like.
Qualities inside of the want: Serenity. Resilience. Compassion.
Ways this might work: Sovereignty, sovereignty, sovereignty. Keep meta(mor)phorsizing my realm. Reframe unlovely surprises as an aspect of job training for Unflappable Future Me.
I’m playing with: ink, crayons, and stickers.
Bonus wishes:
* replacement glasses
* good globes
* less gunk
* the right words at the right time
Noticings about the things I want this week…
Taming/revising expectations. Warding off the shoe costumes they’re fond of showing up in.
Warm wishes to all, and flowers, too!
Last week went really well.
This week, I am playing with a Vision/gwish that appears to be completely outside my sphere of influence. How do I dance with this? Let me see…
Here’s what I want: I want the Wizard to find a new job, soon, that allows us to live in a place where we can be happy.
Qualities inside this want: Resolution. Grounding. Mystery. Relief. Adventure.
Oh, and the superpower of blooming wherever I’m planted.
Ways this could work: I can open myself to hidden opportunities. I can offer to serve as a support and a touchstone. I can work, in the soft, on my own, at being very clear about how I want to live and work, within myself and with my family — and then I can dig a little deeper, to find the qualities, the essence of what I want and need. I can communicate my discoveries with my family, with gentleness and sovereignty and curiosity about their own dreams and desires.
I’m playing with… The Possum of Possibilities. Hey there, possum. What’s happening?
Things I want this week.
Thing 1: Taking Exquisite Care of Myself
I so love this expression of Havi’s.
What I Can Do
*The best-smelling shower gel
*The nutritional supplements
*Warm soft socks
*Mmmm, hot drinks
*Mmmm, naps
*Asking what I want, and the Fairy Godmother Question
*Congruencing
I’m playing with:
*Asking the questions and listening to the answers
*Remembering that I am worth it
Thing 2: Doing All the Things!
Last week’s VPAs were simple but not quickly done; I needed more information for all of them. So, they are part of this week’s ask.
Plus! Calling people. The book project. The beds and tables. Bring your dog to work day. Teaching the classes. Learning about the pump.
I’m trying these things:
* Taking Exquisite Care of Myself so I’ll have the energy to do them
* Setting things up
* Writing things down
Thing 3: Processing TOT and Making Progress!
It’s dragging on and getting me down. I need for it to be done.
I don’t even want to do it but I’m committed. I took it on before I knew the scope and complexity and general mess involved. And the more I work on it, the worse it seems to get and the more work there is to be done.
I need to spend some time with it, process about it, set up a different approach, add some fun.
My Plan for TOT:
*Set an intention for the beginning and for each phase of the process.
*Keep my list of Havi techniques handy and, whenever I work on TOT, choose one or more based on what I need at the time.
Maybe “Barrington” (my assistant of extreme awesomeness, who needs her own name) can do some of this?
I might use: Costumes. Interviews. A negotiator? Rituals, entry and exit, force field, superpowers. Pomodoros/layer cake/10-10-10. The Four Questions. Looking for Clews. Safe rooms.
Qualities of this week’s VPAs: lightness, freedom, movement, sovereignty.
Report on last week’s VPAs:
I made progress on my three asks, and re-asked this week as part of Thing 2. I also asked that if C could help P’s hard, for that to work out. They are supposed to meet on Tuesday to explore possibilities.
Last week was not so bad. I got clear on some things –
ended for the 2nd time, my friendship with PC
lesson learned in not going back on intuitive advice
better late than never.
did it a nice enough way in the end.
working on more non-violent communication as a goal.
but damnit, what a freak! director of a library. thought it wouldn’t be so bad to keep in touch…
insisted on projecting weird issues with women onto me via misinterpreting so many things I said.
got even more firm on clearing out energy that is not mine and not feeling bad about anymore.
i don’t entertain faulty energy as my problem anymore.
i don’t let people put it on me so they don’t have to see
themselves.
This week I want:
More productivity, help with productivity, things to go as smoothly as possible, no major complaints from the uterine department. For immune system to hold up really well right now.
Gwishes –
Get more done than I think I can.
Make time work better instead of having it
work me over at the 11th hour.
Simple enough!!!
This week. Hm. Superpower of presents and ease in transitions.
Let the thing resolve itself
Let the things magically get done
Let me not panic at what is and what needs to be this way for awhile and the continued level of rest
Let me not despise this Pisces time of year as much as has sometimes happened before, let me find a new way of actually enjoying it and using its magic
Let there be a totally bonus money booster shot that is kind of easy, powerful, and quick
Let there be a new structure for sovereignty and a new new vision of it
Let me feel better
Let the new vision of things emerge and start taking a little bit of form
Let the space issues and clearing out stuff happen on its own time and I feel ok about it
Let the little booster shot habits throughout the day crystallize into the routine this week, let bedtime and meal times get more normalized
Xo
On the Playground calendar, it says February’s superpower is easy transitions. Until today, this superpower didn’t seem like the most useful one currently. But today I realized that even though I’m not transitioning right now, I am getting ready for the transitions, prepping for the transitions, transitioning into transitions. This is when I pave the way for smooth and ease-filled transitions. 2013 is a big year of transitions for me, and May will be especially full of transitions.
So today’s wants are all about transitions.
Thing # 1
Hot air balloon launch. My hot air balloon is coming along great (3 stripes down, 3 stripes to go), and the maiden voyage is next week, and now until May is one long process of building and test flights and tweaking of the hot air balloon. I’ve written a VPA about the hot air balloon before, but I’m going to do it again to better align myself with the qualities.
I want the hot air balloon to be done on time and fly smoothly and have blue skies. But I want the hot air balloon to not merely have those components necessary for flight, but also to be a thing of beauty and love, color and creativity and passion. I want the hot air balloon to be something I’m fiercely proud of. I want my hot air balloon to sparkle.
And I also want to learn–about myself, about the process of making hot air balloons, about how to build a better balloon.
The qualities inside of the want:
Love. And more love. So much love. Creativity. Beauty. Congruence. Purpose. Learning. Wisdom. Sincerity. Authenticity. Truth. Passion. Color. Vibrancy. Trust. Ease. Flow. Respect.
Ways this might work:
I’ve created a ritual to enter into my building-balloon space, and it really helps. So I’m going to continue with that. Just being observant, being aware of my habits and patterns, also seems to help. My air balloon relies somewhat on other people (balloon inspectors, shall we call them?). This is where trust and good thoughts and respect really comes into play.
I’ll play with:
Painting a picture of my balloon and filling it with these qualities.
Thing #2
This is a huge VPA, and could be separated into at least 3 VPAs. But I’m putting all together, because they’re interwoven.
This is a housing issue. It is multi-faceted. My roommate–respecting her, having her respect me and my stuff and space (maybe she does, I don’t know), sovereignty. Moving out–logistics, scheduling, cleaning, packing up, getting rid of stuff. Finding a replacement–we don’t have to find people to move in after us, but we think it’ll make things easier than just turning the place over to the landlord.
So first I need ease in my remaining time here. I need to remember how much I love this place and how much we’ve been through together. I need to remember that you have to give respect in order to get respect. I want to release the frustration that comes with living with another person, especially someone I’m not close to or doesn’t fit super well. I want to release passive-aggressive tendencies, and/or redirect the energy into better ways. I’m fairly good at remembering that the home is the outer representation of my inner landscape, but I need to be better at then *doing something* to improve things. Improve the space, improve myself. I can’t just let things go to hell because I’m busy with the hot air balloon and I’m just going to move out in a few months anyway.
Second, I need to find someone to live here. I need trust that whatever happens is for the best and that everything will work out. I need ease all over this, in every aspect.
Third, I want the process of moving out to be filled with ease. For me to get rid of all the excess and all that I no longer need. To pack up and relocate my stuff in an ease-filled and congruent way. I need to clean this place up so that it sparkles and is welcoming to the next person who lives here, and however much help I get or don’t get from my roommate, I want to be OK with that (but more help would be preferable).
Qualities inside of the want:
Congruence. Trust. Sovereignty. Love. Ease, ease, and more ease. Gratitude. Respect. Comfort.
I’ll play with:
Loving this house. Filling it with my appreciation. Remembering that I receive what I give, that what I put out comes back to me. Creative journalling and affirmations will come in handy here, too.
Sending good wishes and support to everybody’s VPAs.
Warm wishes to things people are working on, and actual wishes for warmth of blizzard-stricken folks.
From last week – I was stepping forward in line. This week – still doing that. A meeting on Wednesday that will maybe give me information. Another next week. Moving forward.
What Else Do I Want?
More clients. Why is this such a struggle now? I want to send out the newsletter but get nervous about the money to send it but it usually brings in money. The circle. Trying to figure out what the feedback is. Listening closer.
Offers. For there to be actual space ahead in line with real live offers and great things. For me.
Ways This Might Work?
Review the money. Say yes to the newsletter and mail it. Spend 15 minutes (no more!) seeing if there is a significantly less expensive printing option.
Ask. Ask for the offer. Ask for the next step. Ask for the opportunity.
Keep moving forward. Work on the work I have, use the pressure to propel me.
Remember gratitude. After the blizzard I have lights and heat now! My friends are safe! More lights coming on in town!
Things I Will Play With This Week:
Answering ALL the phone calls and opening ALL the mail. Picturing each call or mail like a video game piece that gives me power when I answer or open it. Have tried it already today and I have 3 powers!
Putting the qualities of good work into everything. Putting the dishes away like someone is paying me. Clearing the table as though a client would be sitting there. Preparing the meals like I’m serving them to someone.
Throwing pennies into the fountain for everyone!
Thank you, Esme, for the hot air balloon image.
Thank you, seagirl, for the video game mail-opening!
Thank you, Havi, for the chance to see myself as a tiny, sweet thing that needs safety. I haven’t been giving me safety. This is just a pattern. But I have been interpreting this as I don’t love and trust me. Hence the conflict. I just need to mix up the pattern. So…
The components of the current pattern (running over my needs and feelings):
wanting to be efficient
freedom from uncomfortable feelings
safety from expressing what is difficult
be like the family I knew
be so obviously strong that safety isn’t needed
ease of doing what I did before
To reconfigure as:
strength of the basket as well as what’s in the basket
nurturing, being my new family
efficiency of being at peace with myself first
trust; freedom from external expectations/judgments
ease of doing what I did way before, as a willful child
hello, wanting the wants.
silent retreating for now, but i commit to thinking about it later.