Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
I’m going all silent retreat this week! Well, even more so than usual.
These are the seeds. Seeds, sparks and fractal flowers.
Everything here is something Bond Girl requires/desires for her mission. Which is so damn mysterious that we do not even know what it is.
It has something to do with Amsterdam, but only very indirectly.
What I want.
Some of these are secret agent code and some of them are things I’m silent retreat-ing on. Some are qualities that will help. And some are almost pre-wishes: tiny seeds for future processing.
- A terrific tailor in Portland. Who can set me up with this? Hope? Dana? Suggestions welcome.
- The Orchard of the Annes. What if this is possible?
- The cuff.
- Protecting strong radiant glowing boundaries by gracefully saying no to everything that isn’t wildly appealing in that moment.
- I want to say something like “discreet glamorous pepper spray for the modern woman”. That’s a terrible description but does something like this exist? Where? Chime in if you know!
- Waterproof bag for dance shoes.
- Secret bolthole, take 1.
- Things that remind us of Morocco. Especially tea glasses.
- Operation Twiceover.
- Weekend as kumbaka.
- Vitamin Sea.
- Activating the card.
- Tell Stan!
- A strikingly beautiful whistle on a gorgeous chain. Recommendations welcome
- Lightweight gorgeous sneakers.
- Secret bolthole, take 2.
- Choosing the time/place for a secret rendezvous that is not really a secret at all.
The qualities inside of the wants:
Delight, obviously. What else?
Secrecy. Protection. Presence. Adventure. Delight. Pleasure. Glamour. Radiance.
And the superpower of Invisible But Secretly Visible Glitter Confetti. And, again, the Secret Holiness of Glamour.
Or maybe, it’s more like the superpower of Remembering: Ah yes, this is holy too.
Ways this could work.
I don’t know yet.
I am dropping these seeds with love, hope, affection and receptivity. Let’s see what happens.
I’m playing with…
The superpower of remembering that challenges can be mysteries instead. And that this can be fun if I commit to letting it be fun.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
I wanted Eric Donut Levels of delight for Stompopolis, and I can feel it coming in.
We’ve had some new pop-ins, Paul is writing a post about us, and look what Elizabeth said:
“Stompopolis is this incredible space in Portland that feels like the physical embodiment of when you’re in the blissful peaceful beamed-down jewels mode of writing, then you eat the best gluten-free scone ever, then you take one of the best naps (which Stompopolis also has the best nooks for).”
This is exactly what Stompopolis is like. I love this!
My other ask had to do with removing contact points with toxicity, and I have been doing this, and it is hard but important.
It means I can’t do a lot of the things I used to enjoy doing, but I am learning about how much more energy I have when I’m not around this kind of environment.
The longer I am silent, the more patience I have with myself and the less patience I have for anything that is not supportive of my steadiness. That means I’m having to remove all kinds of unsovereign things from being near my kingdom, and it’s been interesting. We’ll keep playing, and see what happens.
Playing. Shelter for the comments.
What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like. Things sparked for your own process.
I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.
We ask for what we need, and we give each other space and spaciousness for the process.
This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We play.
That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!
As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.
xox
Follow
Thing 1: a felt sense of the bedrock
If the shoreline is my life, the shifting sands my memories, the story of my life, the waters my emotions and the climate my life around me, then my small-s ego-self, the I-Claire is me-getting-overwhelmed-and-afraid-of-dying-quick-numb-reality-get-me-out-of-here-aaaaaaah-facecrack-aaaaaah-solitaire-aaaaaaaahh-food-aaaaaaahh-spending-my-reliable-old-friends.
I am also the bedrock, the capital-S Self, eternal, universal, immutable. I am seeking a felt sense of this aspect of myself, and commit to making it my practice this week to take a moment and ground into that aspect of my being, again and again and again. I am bedrock. I am bedrock. I am bedrock. I am safe because I am bedrock.
Thing 2: peaceful warrior faces shame
I know what to do, I just have to do it. There is nothing to destuckify. Just take a step. Bring all of me with me, all my resistance and fear and vulnerability. These qualities make me strong, not weak. They make me human, they make me valuable and accessible. Tissues on one hand, a cup of tea on the other, and pen and paper before me. Shame opposite me as he (interesting, patriarchal structures at play!) may always be. And write anyway. Write a word. Breathe. Write another word. Breathe. Step, step, step, step, step. Shame cannot hurt me. I hurt me when I believe him. I choose not to believe him I choose to step, write, breathe.
I will have this meeting with shame and my empty page on …Monday next week. The 25th.
Proxies and secret ops may be employed I suspect because changing shit you hate into shit you hate less is helpful. Sometimes it can be alchemied into glorious compost. Activating superpowers of metamorphosis and wonderful worms and my mother’s donut-levels of excitement about good compost. #metaphoringtheprocessofmetaphoring #meta
Well, things are integrating nicely. Best practices and humming works, so does Investigating How Long Things REALLY Take.
From last time: found my green cotton shell, not so the yoga pants. Have not ship-shaped my closet or wardrobe.
I finally finished my 2013 wish-collage, and it was very instrcutive to read the quyalities i invoked on the back. Also to see the projects for the Year laid out, including one i had forgotten: What do i know about Whit Flwoers?
VPA 1: Investigate what I know about white flowrs. I dont even know why this is important.
WTCW: Spend time with this in the TReehouse. Get whte flowers. Skip stones and follwo rabbit holes. Drop this stone as i fall asleep and see what the Dreaming yields up.
ICT: Taking notes in my good journal. Being playful, recpetive and curious. REmember to trust my instincts, that Nothing is Worng. I suspect this has to do with Passion, and that the white flowers are also white doves sometimes. Humming, conducting and compassing on this.
I know it’s the zombies you’re thinking about for the pepper spray, and don’t worry they have a solution for it!
http://www.sabrered.com/servlet/the-261/Zombie-Pepper-Spray/Detail
Alternatively some in pink, because it’s nice to make sure you look feminine while taking down some shit.
xx
Visions of Possibilities and Anticipation of Very Possible Awesomeness:
I want to make more progress on my Stomping Ground. I want it to have the qualities of Stompopolis as I imagine it, and the Playground, which I’ve been to. Color and space and creativity and fun and play and doing your thing and rest and retreat and refueling and yoga and dancing and singing and balloons and bubbles and exploration and safety … I’m referring to a little-used space upstairs.
I made a plan for healthful living and I want to follow the plan. I’m usually great at plans and less great at following them. I want to be great at following this plan. It is based on napping, eating fruit, being active, and giving myself rewards. The qualities are sunshine, flavor, replenishment, rest, love.
I want the superpowers of exploration and openness. Today I am exploring what it would be like to spend an hour or so with middle-schoolers because a friend of a friend asked me if I would do something in an afterschool program. This could turn into a paid gig for the rest of the school year, but I’m not sure if the way I teach would work with this age group. AND tomorrow I meet for the second time with a new student for private classes. I need the power of exploration for the private class because I will be exploring what he knows and how he learns best. I need openness to new ideas about how to teach adults. I need the power of exploration for the middle-schoolers as I see whether I can work with them, and I need openness to the idea of teaching them, plus openness to whatever signs and signals they provide about their learning.
Just reading and taking in the entirety of this post made me sooooooooooooo happy and delighted. Nothing is better than sovereign, playful, sexy wanting of the wantings.
Havi, you are wonderful. Keep being Havi Bell, please.
Into the pot…
* Income. For it to come to me in abundance, with appreciation.
* The same for my bro.
* A new swimsuit for swimming laps.
* Friendly people/signage/storage in the vicinity when I try out lap-swimming.
* A shower of good fortune for my cousin and her family.
* A havdalah candle and holder.
* Taxes: ease in preparing them, please.
* To get the hang of going uphill.
* Getting-well goodies for friends recovering from operations and other procedures.
The qualities:
Assurance. Reassurance. Generosity. Being someone my beloveds enjoy being with.
Ways this could work:
Giving things the time they need.
New socks.
Sovereignty talismans.
I’m playing with: packing and saying less. Limiting my visits to [t] to once a week.
Progress report: I am more comfortable on the bike than I was a month ago. I am wearing sunscreen more frequently. I did not need to cut into my sleep cycle to meet my most recent deadline. Even with sorrow, anger, and frustration poking at the monsters, I have been sensing Awesome Future Me nodding in approval at the self-care.
Oh, and I did indeed treat myself to a donut last week. 🙂
Flowers, donuts, and warm wishes to all who wants ’em.
I’d like to borrow this for one of my March superpowers …
“Protecting strong radiant glowing boundaries by gracefully saying no to everything that isn’t wildly appealing in that moment.”
… because my boundaries are feeling rather permeable just now. So putting it out there as a VPA. The idea of removing contact points with toxicity is also very appealing.
For some time I’ve been Stompopolising (can I say that? Is that a word?) my surroundings. That is to say, making them colourful, playful, creative, fun, warm, relaxing, comforting and nourishing and working to remove things that don’t embody these qualities. I’ve always loved the photos and whole idea of Stompopolis but it’s SO FAR AWAY that I’m trying to bring it to me. The Stompy calendar helps.
Thank you as usual Havi and sending warm wishes for all your VPAs, large or small. May they all come to pass. Even Amsterdam, whatever that may be.
Warm wishes for all the gwishes, silent or otherwise.
Invoking Permission, Trust, Breath and Flow. And Knowing, Compassion, Security, and Freedom.
Planting my seeds.
-Operation Stickers needs a reboot! PS, you can not go on Twitter for a while. It’s ok.
-Sore throat go away!
-Compassing Patience.
-Write a letter to the hole!
-Keep a list of all the things that make me happy, even furiously happy, to keep on hand
-[something about turning towards enoughness vs focusing on things I currently don’t have]
-Painted nails
-Flowers everywhere
-More ease than I think is currently possible
If the pepper spray isn’t code, here’s one:
http://www.femailcreations.com/products/sku-2119323.html
I need to be on Silent Retreat myself — covert operations underway here, very hush-hush, I’ve already said too much! — but I did want to mention that this week, I used a Compass to ENVISION my VPA, and it worked like a charm. 🙂
@VickiB — Stomping Ground! That is brilliant!
Here’s another leaning-toward-glamorous pepper spray: http://www.safetygirl.com/fury-covert-carry-series-lipstick-pepper-spray-20g.html?utm_source=googlepepla&utm_medium=adwords&id=21619610058&utm_content=pla&gclid=CP_lpoamirYCFWbZQgodShYAdg
I have some safety concerns about this product. Let me know if you’d like me to say more about that.
Warm wishes to what you and everyone are playing with and working towards!
What I want:
More energy and to know what to do with the energy I have.
More focus, which means more morning yoga, not at night when I’ve already been off track all day.
Still more clarity please!
More up and out days now I’ve been here two weeks.
Organization.
More clarity – it’s coming!
Signs of spring possibility
completion of mermaid project to great satisfaction
order
intrigue
completion and clearance of sales projects.
I need new sneakers too (thanks for the reminder)
New clothes. I didn’t bring enough.
A date? Yes, a date would be nice.
Shifting from fear and sadness to openness and expectation of change.
awesome photo ops
that visit to my ancestors.
Qualities inside these wants –
Freedom from the past, a new brain, unconditional love to feel and to receive, expansion, peace.
Ways these things might work –
Get out more, 21 dares to love (keep going at it), being myself and sharing more (as I have within reason,) enjoying the fresh mountain air and beauty.
I’m playing with – conscious shifting of my usual perspectives on reality, and if havi does not mind, I want to play as well with seeing challenges as mysteries and wondering, “Hmm….I wonder how this one is going to get worked out magically enough?”
Protecting strong radiant glowing boundaries by gracefully saying no to everything that isn’t wildly appealing in that moment.
Aaaah… I sort of can’t quite believe in that being possible, but at the same time it sounds 100% wonderful and right! and I love to hear about things which sound 100% wonderful and right even if I am not yet attaining them!
So glad that little pebble was helpful <3
VPA
This week, you're Wednesday the Equinox already.
The things for that have been put into play.
So much is processing out on the Floop for me.
A year with a wedding is sifting through. Seven I guess, the way Saturn works.
Sovereignty just took a huge leap.
What I want this week:
(Proxy) She's got some great tights and comfy embroidered shoes and a felt dress that works and it is easy like a postcard from the 70s, Mary Nda's house, riding the bike down the long driveway, easy and sunny enough, spring, gray and not warm yet. Easy.
That's all. Ideal up to IV. Ease. Love. Enough. Just right. Appears.
Also: I want my own zen den just for editing, clear of stuff and signs, you can just zoom in and out. (How can it have a nap nook with all the traffic? White noise? Earplugs? )
Also: speedy delivery, is a quality that I would like
What I want, because it’s Thursday!
Some of them might have been stolen from Havi’s list. (Y’all know what I mean but the word ‘stolen’ is bothering me. So I am going to imagine the German fruit cake Stollen because it is my favorite.)
+ Operation Unmendacious Hips
+ Protecting strong radiant glowing boundaries by gracefully saying no to everything that isn’t wildly appealing in that moment.
+ I want English tea time! As I was about to write this, I just thought of a way to magically make it happen. Visions — they work!
+ I have a relationship with Mr. Murakami. He’s been calling and I’ve been kind of brushing him off and I KNOW that I always have a fabulous time with him, I just need to finally make a date happen. So yes, I want a magical, easy, mysterious, delightful date time with Mr. Murakami.
+ Operation Honeypot Emptying
+ Being Wildly, Absurdly, Scandalously Fragrant
+ Welcoming the swarms of bees and butterflies
+ More journaling with more colors of pens! And more candles.
To be back.