Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
Do I want the thing that I think I want?
Isn’t that always the question…
This question is relevant to many things I am currently working on at the moment, and I am going to use one example and let it stand in for all the other things.
I have this wish to be green.
Not green, not exactly. To have a bright green light that people can see that shows that I am too busy to do any of the things they want to invite me to do.
I have this wish to be visible.
Not visible, not exactly.
I have this wish that people in my life could see — literally see with their eyes — how [insert string of Arabic curse words here] stressed and busy I am right now.
For example, if I were the actual captain of an actual ship, trying to make the harrowing journey around Cape Horn without the ship crashing onto the rocks, my friends would not say things like “Hey Havi, do you want to do this thing?” They would help. Or get out of my way.
Or if I were the captain of the fire department and the town was on fire.
Of if I were the CEO of a large company, and had to let go of thousands of employees.
Or if I was at the bedside of an ill loved one.
I keep wanting to say, help or get out of the way.
I keep thinking I want some way for people to SEE. So they could think, ah got it, code very-very-green, the lantern is glowing, this is not a good time to bring something to Havi, unless it is either helpful to the mission or supportive of Havi getting more rest so she can do the mission.
But is that what I want?
What else do I know about this?
- I have a deep need for appreciation and acknowledgment
- I want my pain to be seen! But not too much!
- this is related to the Inherited Pattern Of Secretiveness.
- hmmm maybe I need to treat myself the way I want other people to treat me, to let my situation be a big deal to me, and not brush it off…
- processing helps, stone-skipping helps, dancing helps, walking helps, water helps, so why am I not doing these things first?
- time for myself: if I don’t take it, no one is going to give it to me, I could be better at insisting on it
- quiet is hard to come by right now because of (circumstances), so what am I going to do about that?
- basically, this is all about taking action and setting up what I need, instead of feeling frustrated when other people are not seeing what I want them to see…
- trust more
- this is temporary
- everything will be better soon
- I don’t have to know what I want in order to take care of myself, I can try things.
What will help?
If the thing that I want is to be taken seriously, whatever that means….
And if the thing that I really want is to take myself seriously, whatever that means…
And if the way I take things seriously is through playing…
Then I am going to PLAY. With seriousness.
The qualities inside of the wants:
Same compass as the last weeks, the qualities of the compass of Operation Jewel Star, now combined with the Vicarage compass:
VITAL Replenishing. INTERNAL Play. GOLDEN COMPASS of Presence. ALIGNING with Pleasure. RESETTING Plenty. ACCESSING my Radiance. GLOWING Receptivity. ENERGY that is Resonant.
And the superpower of I Get To Receive The Radiant Sweet Essence Of What I Want, Even If My Guess About What I Really Want Is Off Base.
What might help?
Interviewing the me who takes herself seriously, or: who treats herself the way she wants to be treated. There has to be some part of me who knows how this works, right?
What I want.
Some of these are secret agent code or silent retreat. Some are qualities and some are dreams. Some are re-asks and some are pre-wishes: tiny seeds for future processing.
- Progress on the ops!
- Miracles everywhere.
- The ballroom has its own magic, just like the Spiegelsaal.
- This doesn’t require my input!
- Ha, it’s so perfect that it turned out like this.
- Past me is a GENIUS.
- I sleep like the happiest baby.
- I have what I need, and I appreciate it.
- Hawaii.
- People are signing up for Rally (RALLY!), and planning the rallies is super fun and exciting.
- I can see why this moment is good.
- Trust and steadiness.
This week’s ops?
- The life of a Chocolatier
- Operation Extra-Extra Chocolate Sprinkles
- The MAGIC EIGHT BALL REASONS
- Operation A Loved Little Thing, take 3
- Operation The A of A
- Mission: I Have A Vision!
Or, possibly, I take a look at the giant box of iguanas instead. Have an internal treasure hunt.
Here is my plan: I do what I can, and trust that whatever happens is good.
I’m playing with…
Mapping and napping. Dancing it out. Taking it to Rally (Rally!) this week, I am very excited about this.
Request!
Can you help support our magical Red Rose Ballroom by liking it on Facebook? And spreading the word about the Red Rose Ballroom to anyone you know who might want to run events or programs or parties in Portland?
Announcement!
Do you want to be on the STANDBY list for Rally?
We have a fantastic deal available for the B Rally, the second of the Alphabet Rallies. And if you can’t make it, go there anyway and sign up to be notified next time there’s a stand-by deal!
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
So. Last week, aka A hollow tree that is a door that is a resting place…
Silent retreat for now…. and a loving thank-you to me of last week who asked the right questions, with love. I got what I asked for, in ways I appreciate but did not expect!
Playing. Shelter for the comments.
What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like. Things sparked for your own process.
I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.
We ask for what we need, and we give each other space and spaciousness for the process.
This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We play.
That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!
As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.
xox
Follow
“I want my pain to be seen! But not too much!”
This is so interesting to me–and in 11 words sums up something that was on my mind (a lot) last night. Also, about how sometimes you (I) err–and in service to the mission of being seen end up feeling that too much has been exposed. Legitimacy for that feeling–and also recognizing that sometimes this will happen. That’s what comes from taking risks. Feeling ick doesn’t mean you don’t get loads of sparkle points for daring to venture–and all the more when the mission goes (a bit, temporarily) off the rails.
I am leaving a little love filled stone and silent retreating on my wishings for the week. <3
“And if the way I take things seriously is through playing…
Then I am going to PLAY. With seriousness.”
Ohhhhhhh, that’s it, that’s it, that’s IT. That’s what I want this week: I want to remember to play.
I even believe that this will serve the mission: my mission, your mission, all the missions. May it be so.
The situation:
I have the flu. It is messy. But at least I am now at home.
I have monsters. They like to run the Ludicrous Fear Popcorn popper with the lid off. That gets messy. But at least I now live in my own home.
The core: I want to maintain this house and obtain/perform things to make it even more comfortable and welcoming.
The corollaries:
* earning enough money to feel secure
* devoting enough time to relationships to feel secure
* force field and/or negotiators to cope with various perceptions of lack of respect/reciprocity
What do I know?
* Now is not then. I have more clews. I have more resources. I am more sovereign. My schedule is the most flexible it’s ever been.
* The hollyhock patch is looking great.
* I hiked up a mountain just last week.
* I am not my mother.
* In spite of her issues, my mother had devoted friends and kind neighbors.
What will help?
* remembering that a sale is not a sale and freebies aren’t free if they take me out of my way temporally or geographically
* resting when I need rest
* benefit-of-the-doubt fairy dust
Playing with:
* thanking Past Me for the things that have made yesterday and today easier
* permission slips from SF Me to defer or dispose of things I don’t have the energy or inclination to handle properly
Warm wishes to all y’all.
Throwing pennies into the fountain for things people are working on.
Trying to grow and be brave. Took steps towards that tonight. Decided I wanted to be better more than I wanted to avoid discomfort. Totally the right move. Epiphanies flying. Or coasting and landing gently like fire flies with their light.
What I Want: To move forward by inches. To move each piece up one space. To lighten up, because things are brighter than I think.
Oh seagirl, I do like your metaphor “To move each piece up one space”! Thank you.
::sending good wishes to everyone::
I threw some fears all over Facebook earlier. I think that for my Very Personal Ad this week I am just going to reverse them:
– the stuff will all get packed
– the house will be clean
– my friends will love me and accept me whether my house is clean or not
– the party will be absolutely fantastic
– lots of people will come to the party (but not so many that they don’t fit!)
– I will wake up tomorrow feeling a lot better
– everything that needs to get done this week will get done
Also I need an onion. An actual, literal onion. And a way to get some old clothes to the textile recycling place without having to leave the house.
This can work. This can work.
A bing for me: “treating myself as I want others to treat me.” It’s like the Silver Rule, a corollary to the Golden Rule. Maybe it’s necessary for the Golden Rule.
Yes for secret visibility!
I am so charged up for your and my “trusting that whatever happens is good.”
Flowers for all of us dealing with the physical discomforts or lack of rest. (That’s silver-golden!)
Five pebbles in the fountain this week: Costumes, purple days, nourishment, being an otter and panicky future popcorn fear.
I will try interviewing incoming me, playing in the wardrobe department, allowing purple days to happen instead of fighting them tooth and nail, and drinking lots of water to see where that gets me.
Update on last week: Project is still ticking along, the boundaries remain intact as of this moment, and I came up with a perfectly simply solution for Toosday. 🙂
Here are some wishing acorns! Happy week everyone.
Everything needs more time in the Pot!! Some of these need more time, and many need to be turned into Capers!
-PM Calyx. No movement here, keep simemrimg
-OPeration SHipShape
-Secure the Stronghold
-Secure the Princess Tower
-GoldenGreen
-OPeration HarvestHOme
-Operation TTT, a happy Caper that’s the big new current part of the Cupcake Project
What’s been working:
-White Flowers, esp good Exiting the Day
-rsting into miracles and then THERE THEY ARE
-humming and mapping
-naps, conducting and compassing
-not yelling
-when in doubt, go rest
Havi, I love the superpower — I am wishing that for you so hard.
My thumb is broken (I fell off an airplane) so I won’t type my VPAs, but I am sending love and support to everyone and their visions.
Oh no! Sending wishes for healing your way.
Whoa. Havi, like Amy said, you talking about wanting your pain to be seen! but not too much! resonated with me. Thank you for that tiny gem.
I started Operation FAWN about 10 days ago, and already AMAZING things have happened that I forgot were possible. I spent my weekend at Avalon Hot Springs, a place as magical as the original Avalon. Yes. And I didn’t have to do a whole bunch of work to make that happen, I just asked and I received. So I’m asking some more. And I found a Wishing Well on Facebook so I will also be asking even more in that newly developing playground/secret lands there too. Even though it feels like I want too many things, I am practicing letting it be OK to want things. Maybe even things that seem impossible.
*Emptying, and letting the empty spaces be imbued with sweet possibility
*Perfect Simple Solutions for my cash flow shortage (Operation Set Sail is aimed at this but I am also open to the unknown)
*Waking up with enough time to stretch and be in my body before I leave for work.
*Super strong forcefield for [x]
*Operation FAWN is going splendidly. More, please!
*Remembering and creating my own fall rituals
*Restful sleep
*Finding out a tiny bit more about the difference between what happens when I operate from an internal state of lack vs a state of…not lack. What are some qualities that I could play with when I’m thinking about how to approach [situation] in this way? Abundance? Nourishment? Hmm.
*Sneaky ways to deal with iguanas
Today I am playing with sweetness. With wanting sweetness, and what it looks like when I have it, and forms and words and rituals and being visible (saying in many places) that this is what I want.
Not food sweetness though, I have enough of that. I want other sweetnesses. And they are for sharing, these sweetnesses.
So, sweetness for all who want it. SMB.