Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.

♡

What do I want?

I am thinking a lot about the word Return.

It is the word (and quality) for December in the Playground calendar.

This means that last-year-me had a hit that RETURN was something me-now would need this month.

The cow on the train makes me think of Oh Brother, Where Art Thou:

You seek a great fortune, you three who are now in chains. You will find a fortune, though it will not be the one you seek. But first… first you must travel a long and difficult road, a road fraught with peril. Mm-hmm. You shall see things, wonderful to tell. You shall see a… a cow… on the roof of a cotton house, ha. And, oh, so many startlements. I cannot tell you how long this road shall be, but fear not the obstacles in your path, for fate has vouchsafed your reward. Though the road may wind, yea, your hearts grow weary, still shall ye follow them, even unto your salvation.

Oh so many startlements. I am thinking about return.

And the following of my heart.

What do I want?

I want [Return], in a variety of ways.

There are things I want to return to, practices and wishes.

There are things that belong to other people (thoughts and projections about me) that I wish to return to them, or to return to the earth. Allowing these to break down and decompose. To not-keep. To release. Release and return.

There is returning in the sense of transformations: the next rotation of the wheel. Turning into.

The is re-turning, in the sense of dance. A one-and-a-quarter turn that turns into more turns.

There is turning inward, and then doing that again. Like what Amy says:

“Relax your jaw. Now relax your jaw again.”

There is returning like library books. “I found this thing useful, and now I’m finished with it and someone else gets a…turn.”

Yes.

What do I want?

Okay. More specifically it has to do with ritual and community, and the intersection of these two things.

I want to return to this.

Except in an entirely new way, one of my own invention. With a culture that is respectful of the sovereignty of each person involved.

Additionally, I want to do this in a way that is not exhausting (I can wear out easily), and also conducive to people (me) who are HSP.

What else do I know about what I want?

I want to test-run an idea I have for one possible form of ritual-in-community. And I think I want to do this for the solstice, which is crazy soon.

So I need to keep it small and simple.

I want this to feel lighthearted, playful, ease-filled, the way I feel at Rally (Rally!).

It is important that both the setting-up-of-the-thing as well as the thing itself be pleasurable for me, because otherwise I won’t do it.

Simple and pleasurable. These are the guiding lights.

Where/how do I want to start?

Naming the op.

Operation SOLSTICE.

Let’s see. Solstice has the word lost hidden inside of it, which is perfect because this ritual is about returning.

Returning things that are lost, returning to things that were lost, returning from places where I felt lost, and all the lost things returning.

The superpower for December on my calendar is the superpower of All That Is Mine Returns To Me.

This could mean: I thought it was lost and yet it is back. Or it will come back when it is ready and I am ready. Or it was the thing I needed then and not the thing I need right now.

Everything is returning.

What are the qualities of my wish?

Here is my acrostic for SOLSTICE.

Shelter. Orchestration. Light. Simplicity. Treasure. Intuition. Companionship. Ease.

And let’s add the qualities from the last couple weeks:

Permission. Playfulness. Readiness. Joy. Desire. Passion. Receptivity. Immersion.

What would help me move forward on this? How am I going to play with this?

Oh. Skipping stones, of course.

And writing an OOD.

I am going to keep conducting.

And dancing it out. Letting Dancer Me and Writer Me call the shots.

Anything else?

Thinking about last year’s solstice at the Oregon coast with Danielle, and how that was the perfect thing for last year. Thinking about how this year can be full of mystery. Imagining what next year me might have to say about this.

Leaving a note to myself to talk this over with Agent Em Dee, and not to do this by myself, which is my tendency.

I want to ask: How Can This Be Simple? And then ask that again.

What else do I want?

Seeds planted without explanation, a mix of secret agent code and silent retreat dreams. Things I’m working on, or might be, someday…

• The Salve of Salves.
• The Compass of Signs.
• May Peacefulness Prevail!
• Announcements.
• Everything is getting easier.
• Miracles everywhere.
• Regular dancing gigs at the ballroom, which is also the Spiegelsaal.
• This doesn’t require my input!
• Ha, it’s so perfect that it turned out like this.
• Past me is a GENIUS.
• I have what I need, and I appreciate it.
• There is money for this.
• I can see why this moment is good.
• Trust and steadiness.
• Hawaii.
• I am fearless and confident, and I do the brave things and give myself sparklepoints, and it is not even a big deal that I did the brave things but I still get sparklepoints, yay.

This week’s ops?

Operation Solstice. Operation More Options. Operation Tell The Story In Bits And Pieces. Mission Mad Hot.

I’m playing with…

DANCING. Breathing. Transitions. Permission.

As well as: Hello, habit, you are so interesting and I am learning many things about you and about me.

Attenzione! AGENTS.

I am deep in an undercover mission to get better at Gracefully Accepting Thanks. Or: Glowing Receptivity and Being Receptive to Glow.

This mission also resolves a question we get from people a lot, which is “I really, really want to thank you, except I’m not going to buy products and I can’t come to a Rally.” And it is also related to Operation Coming Out Of All The Closets, so I can share some experiences from Then where past-me thought her best survival strategy was not-sharing-how-hard-things-are.

If you would like to support my mission by sharing sweetness and appreciation for any aspect of my work, I would love that. You can do it with the magic of words, through the comments, or add something to Barrington’s Discretionary fund. (Explanation!)

And if the way you are glowing appreciation is quietly in your heart, I like that too. It all counts. ♡

Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.

So. Last week, aka On the tip of my…

My wish had to do with Emergence, and with the emerging wish for how I want to teach this year. Well, how I will teach-by-not-teaching, which is my preferred method of teaching.

And it emerged. In dance class. Further evidence in support of my Dancing Solves Everything hypothesis that the monsters resist so much.

So now I need to act on that information, or find out how I would like to act on that information. I have the information, though. And that is fantastic.

The smartest thing I seeded last week was “Polishing basics” (that helped) and also “Peacefulness prevails”, because it did.

Thank you, writing. Thank you, me who asked.

Keep me company?

You are welcome to drop in with wishes, gwishes, visions, personal ads. Small or large, and in any form you like. There is no right way to do this. Updates on past experiments are welcome too, as is anything sparked for you.

Commenting culture: This is safe space for creative exploration. We ask for what we need. We are on permanent vacation from care-taking and advice-giving. We are here to play.

Let’s throw some things in the pot! And, as always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.

xox

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