It is Friday and we are here.
{a breath for Friday}
Possess an excellent day time!
A spammer said this to me this week. Well, not to me specifically.
Anyway, I think this is the best way ever of saying “have a nice day”, and that we should all start saying this immediately.
This is my clue for the week: what if I take something and rephrase it so that it means the same thing but this time I feel it in a new way. I can also use this for dance practice.
What worked this week?
Dividing my time between Agents!
I was feeling overwhelmed by all the things, so I put Special Agent Rose North in charge of ballroom things and had her do just that.
Then I put another special agent in charge of dance missions and another one in charge of writing missions, and we switched off.
All these agents are me, yes? It was incredibly liberating to go into one mode and stay there for the day or for a few hours. And slowly we chipped away at things and I stopped panicking.
Also Rally superpowers worked. A lot. All the superpowers I asked for on the first night of Rally (Rally!) came true. This happens kind of a lot, and I don’t know why I don’t do this more often.
Next time I might…
Designated puttering time.
Things don’t get maintained unless you build that in.
And yet, I chronically underestimate the amount of time needed to just do the little daily life things.
Eight breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.
- At the dance weekend: instructor thought I was deaf and spent the whole day shouting and making sure I was always facing him. And for reasons that are not clear to me, no one corrected him until the second day. A breath for that old pattern of perceiving that I am misunderstood.
- The world divides neatly between people who are in their stuff and know they are in their stuff and people who are in their stuff and do not know that they are in their stuff. I did not have a lot of patience for group 2 this week. A breath for this.
- It is never okay to throw shoes. Standing up and saying this from time to time is part of daily life, fine. Context though. Shoes when they are not at all expected, in what should be safe space. A breath for acceptance of what is now, as it is now, even when I am wishing for something else.
- Feeling overwhelmed about so many things, and all the more so having lost 6 weeks of practice time. Operation Bell View is fast approaching. A breath for comfort.
- Ankle is finally doing well enough to have me back on the dance floor, still not at the point where I can jump, balance or do all kinds of things I want to be doing. A breath for patience and slow healing.
- Spring Rage! Every year spring shows up overnight, and everyone in the city is suddenly wearing flip flops and sitting in the park, and posting instagrams, and somehow (this is my perception/monsters) everyone magically already has a pedicure and sandals, and I am spectacularly unprepared, and then I hate everyone. This also might be related to hormonal rage. Spring Rage! It should be a band. Definitely just one guy. A breath for noticing a familiar set of patterns.
- Various body stuff. And feeling unbelievably spacey thanks to the time change. A breath for adjusting, noticing, living with.
- Inhale, exhale. Goodbye, mysteries and hard moments of this week.
Eight breaths of good, reassuring, delight-filled.
- The most amazing weekend of dance workshops. Understandings are beginning to land. New friends. A breath for pleasure.
- I had been feeling apprehensive about my experiment in Dropping G, and to my surprise and delight everything about this has been marvelously easy so far. To make things even better, Richard found a way to make sourdough bread with minimal G. I don’t perceive that I’m missing anything. A breath for ease.
- A huge epiphany about the nature of overwhelm, and my relationship to it. A breath for clarity.
- A magical hour of secret spirals at Rally. A breath for play.
- I had a realization at the weekend dance workshop that completely changed everything for me. For the first time ever, I am letting myself play. And for the first time, people’s end-of-dance thank you seems like more than just politeness. Dance! I am back! East coast swing, balboa, salsa. A breath for joyful learning and for the next level, and for all the new things there are to learn.
- Sweet hours with the spy. New intel emerging. Peacefulness. Each of us preparing for our own missions, knowing that they are separate but related. A breath for letting the thing that is around the corner reveal itself.
- Springtime, glorious springtime! Goodbye, winter coat! Hello, denim jacket, I missed you. Hello, forsythia and cherry blossom and magnolia, and the whole city bursting into lusciousness. A breath for beauty, hopefulness, sweetness and sunshine.
- Birthday cards and presents! Thank you, Kat and Kate and everyone I am forgetting. A breath for being filled with appreciation.
WHAM BOOM! Operations completed.
Thanks to Rally, I finished Operation Say Everything Twice. And got a ridiculous amount of Ballroom things done. All the stalled projects are moving! Yes. WHAM BOOM.
Next week? Continued stone skipping to learn about Operation Houston It Is The Vicar as well as Operation Pop Up.
Superpowers!
Powers I had this week…
The power of letting less be more.
Superpowers I want.
What I asked for last week: the power of perfect simple solutions everywhere, to the point that it is just hilarious how plentiful, perfect and simple they are. And also the power of sexy fearlessness.
Salve. The Salve of Quieting.
When you partake of this salve, everything gets quieter. Inside and out. Calmer, too. But mostly it feels as though there is a little more space to breathe.
You notice things you didn’t notice before, and you smile. You breathe a little deeper. Tension softens, releasing. You get down on the floor and feel your body against the floor, and there is no hurry. You are held in the quiet, and everything feels great.
If salve does not appeal, you can have this in tea form, as a bath, cocktail, whatever works for you. Not only is there enough salve, there are also enough ways to receive it.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
This week’s band is by way of the Spy, it is called Hot Tartar, their latest album is The Grand Adventures Of The Cutest And Most Annoying Monk, and this band (and the monk) are… just one guy.
Attenzione! Attention, AGENTS.
I am deep in an undercover mission to get better at receiving in all forms, or as I’m calling it: Glowing Receptivity and Being Receptive to Glow. Including the skill of gracefully accepting thanks.
It is related to my mission of Coming Out Of All The Closets and sharing about my personal experiences with not-sharing-how-hard-things-are.
If you would like to take a part in this and support me on my mission by sharing sweetness and appreciation for any aspect of my work, I would love that. You can do it with the magic of words, through the comments, or add something to Barrington’s Discretionary fund. (Explanation!)
And if the way you are glowing appreciation is quietly in your heart, I like that too. ♡
Come play if you like…
Join me in the comments. Some of us share hard and good, some of us say hi, or maybe we’re on silent retreat. My ritual doesn’t have to be your ritual. Whatever works for you. Almost three hundred weeks of this and there still isn’t a right way.
Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We don’t give advice.
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever you like, it’s no big deal. And I am blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers. I love that you are here too.
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Thank you for letting me know that a lot of things are good.
Oh FRiday, you were such a splendid one of you today.
things that worked this week: A Refreshing Glass of Water, compassing radiance, humming, practice and more practice. being kind and stating what i need.
the suck:
-i’m laying down lots of good new habits and thsi week i stepped back into bad habits, only to experience why i want t drop them. a breath for inconvenience and stupidity.
-going cold turkey on situation careless love, hard, incomplete, necessary.
-going around on the hamster wheel of the ritual question.
-daylight savings is a micro aggression
-not being able to ship out. feh. a breath for disappointment.
the sparkle, there was so much:
-it’s almost-sprng. omg i have never been so relieved to get thri to spring
-all those below the surface connections are evident to me now
-wizard school. all the changes that it is quietly making
-the fractal-awesome of tying wizard school, fluent self, and vein of gold tech and the ways they support and refer back to each other.
-making lots of good choices and changes. so proud, this is not easy.
Good choices! High fives and nods of respect. Good for you. 🙂
The Delightful:
Daffodils
Big healthy oxalis plant
Pretty pictures
4 hours out with true friends & fun
2 drinks in those 4 hours and waking up to a wonderful feeling today
Hash!
Boiled irish dinner!
Knowing what to do.
The Curious:
Upper back pain. Still, even after a massage. Wondering what is living there.
The only sign of spring here is that the oak trees have begun dropping the last of the leaves. Not even the tips of the leaves of the daffodils are out of the ground, and there aren’t any crocuses yet. Usually by this time of year my neighbor’s yard is blazing with crocus-flames. I want to be happy for everyone else’s spring AND even more I want to start seeing signs of spring here!
This week has been extra-hard, with anxiety and panic and fear, and monster voices saying that I’m getting *way* more upset than I need to and also that I *need* to be doing more and that if I weren’t such a selfish lazy loser, all would be well. Also feeling stuck because I can’t go places right now. And overwhelmed with responsibilities that *aren’t* mine. At least, they are ones that I still perceive as belonging to MrB and not to me, even though more and more I have had to handle things.
AND! There have been good things! For once, I anticipated the time change and prepared for it and therefore it didn’t mess me up. My friend B, and the coffee shop, and the bookstore, the Floop, and online friends. I have gathered some useful information and am playing with arranging it in an appealing way so it will be fun to consult.
I think that the past week I had the superpower of seeing the dark side. As any comic-reader knows, not all superpowers are “good”, and not all powers are used for good.
This week I’d like the superpower of playfully accessing knowledge.
Vicki, that’s such a good reminder. I once knew a colleague, a therapist, who used to urge her adolescent clients to use their powers for good instead of evil. The word “evil” feels a bit judge-y to the me of today, but I always liked the underlying message of empowerment.
Still here to check in!
The hard, challenging and mysterious:
Coming home from San Diego very tired and The Dude mentioning that the source of his coins is totally gone. Very hard. Panic City. Feeling the Shuttle of Panic weave the thread of Money Woes (make that Imminent Poverty for the Rest of Our Lives) into the rug I’m wrapped up in on the Loom of Life.
Lots of information on how High Anxiety feels. Head-spinnies, eye-twitchies are back.
Dude Clobbering is a game.
The Good:
Good intel from the top at work. Wonderful day in San Diego with my sister for my birthday. Strangely, finding out that my Mood Swing still works. (I think it’s because I thought it was stuck in Raw Panic.) The Dude and I praying together.
Re-words. Realizing that reading detective novels is my dance.
What worked:
Comparing and contrasting. Not as bad as the last time. What worked then? Measuring. What is happening now? Is something better? Where am I feeling the tension? Appreciating as the dark clouds clear Without Any Action on My Part. Appreciating the beautiful weather.
The Hearts & Minds session at church, the day after I got the news. Like 8 minutes of live Chickening and listening to others’ rivers for 8 minutes apiece without advising. Just receiving and showing love. Because I believe we’re all the perfect us at any given moment.
Jubilee. The daily devotional that day.
Letting my eyes leak. Sleeping when my Body needs it, not when the Legislatively-controlled clocks say I need to.
Listening to Slightly Future Lee say: “Remember, all the stress reactions will go away once the crisis is over.”
Writing the situation as a classic Trek metaphor.
What I might try in the future?
Just remember. Just watch. Acknowledge the feelings first and sit quietly with them, no matter how loud, bright, painful and scratchy they are. The Brain is kicking in and running better as the waves from the Big Rock falling in the Pond calm down. (The Salve is Very Helpful this week.) The Dude and I taking Steps Forward in Retrenchment. Releasing stuff we Really Don’t Need.
In the immediate future, examine the Trek metaphor more closely and finding out more about how can I get whatever rewards the Dude Clobbering game gives me without playing it – or can we find a New Game?
May you all possess an excellent day time!
Happy Saturday and Chag Sameach!
What worked? Deferring y to give myself plenty of time for a.
Next time?
* Use the onion sooner.
* Maybe schedule a retreat on/around St. Patrick’s Day in the future. Because I don’t want to be the ghoul at the feast, but the holiday for me is too much like those horrible smug strangers who feel entitled to order one to “smile!” if one isn’t wearing a suitably chirpy expression.
Hard:
* the !#!@#$ asthma
* upset by an acquaintance’s misconduct
* I don’t go looking for sexism everywhere, but Jesus…
* beets apparently no longer agree with my digestion. Woe.
* the “did an e-mail go astray or is sie just overwhelmed” blues
Good:
* a surprise zirconium!
* dessert experiments turning out fine, in spite of errors
* so did the slow-cooked beef and rutabaga stew
* hearing from some folks I’d been wondering about
* picked up a sumo orange at a store. The reaction at home has been priceless.
* phone battery mysteriously began working again. (Maybe it just needed a week off?)
*unwraps a fried fish sandwich and leans back to listen to the band*
Possess an excellent week, y’all! 😉
You’re very welcome! I am appreciating appreciation. <3
What worked: Baby steps, tiptoeing around resistance.
Next time: I would like to go to bed a little earlier.
A hard thing: I was driving at night, and a small animal ran into the path of my car, and I couldn't swerve out of the way in time. So much sorrow.
A good thing: Playing my guitar and singing on the back porch in the late afternoon sun.
I now invoke the superpower of sweetening a moment, just by wishing for sweetness.
Happy weekend, Chickeneers!
gggrrrrr
-the work situation loop-tee-loop
-agitation, irritation about chores
-darn hip pain
-forgetting the vitamin d & therefore the hip pain
roo!
-work a typical management thing, handle-able, just new to me as a new manager
-noticed the agitation, noticed the noticing of the agitation, played games with it, and am collecting all the clews
redo
-make a checklist for self care, like the vit d
-ask myself what I need to head irritation off at the pass
-watch the dogs run
<3 to all chickeneers!
Cluck cluck
Ze ard….
– people I love being sick. This is not fun to witness and hold space for. And I am scared [xxxx] will bring back Scary Prospects, even though I don’t know if they were related before or just coincidental. A breath for Not Knowing. And sadness, and worry.
– meeting all my Stuff Arising. Feeling fail-y and bound even though I recognise I am Taking Responsibility for stuff that is Not My Job and the reasons are not even altruistic, parts of me want to try and control The Outcome. Oh, Stuff!
– gah!! Western medicine!! So much authority! and yet in so many ways so MEDIEVAL! I really want medical care policies and options and practice to speed up to where I want it to be…. (Don’t worry, I will be a very *benevolent* dictator, when I rule the world).
– thinking Now is Then.
– increased self-fluency does not actually mitigate the pain of painful feelings nearly as much as I thought it would. Or maybe it does and I’m handling more than I have before? Or, just, the riptides of painful emotion are always going to be an… intense… experience and quite possibly one I will never learn to like. A breath for dashed expectations, haha!! (Actually this is just the wisdom of the ages proving to be true after all, fancy that, there IS NO graduating!)
– a child at Little Lad’s school is …under-resourced… and easily triggered and acting out and has taken hands to my kid twice in two weeks. And I’m not even pissed off, it’s just tragic that he hasn’t been given resources earlier and arrrghh stoopid Shame Culture getting in the way of people getting what they need (!!!!!) and also, that had better be the last time and I hope the school says all the right things tmrw morning to reassure me my kid is going to be safe there from now on…
Ze goooze…
– sovereignty and relative serenity throughout the week. Yay increased self-fluency.
– one person I love has FINALLY got a clear reason for why so unwell the last six months and can start getting treated! Another person I love reassured me tonight that all is well and I feel like I can trust him to his process again without risking my heart getting minced. And another person I love is …doing fine, considering.
– the molo revolution continues! (A molo is badass like a mofo but given that we’re all mothers we choose to be motherlovers rather than the rawther objectifying alternative).
– Wonderbaby weaned. Easy and right time. I am keeping everything crossed this will work like a magic pill for my energy, and knowing wtf is happening in my body at any given time of the month. Wish me luck!
– Now is NOT Then, and this continues to be marvellously wonderfully extremely good. Even the Stuff Arising is coming up to be healed, because it is thirsty and Now we have water, and everything is good.
Xxxx
MOLO!! I love this intensely.
I just wanted to say hi. I’m new around here *waves*
I had your post about not facing fears recommended to me. The semantics part really spoke to me (haha). After poking around a bit, I think I’ve found kindred spirits. As I was wandering through the archives, I was like “That’s me!”.
I love the way you encourage people to be themselves. Personally, I’m the tutu and anthropomorphic stuffed animal kind of girl. I’ve had 2 stuffed dogs since I was 13 who are members of the family. I would wear my sparkly animal ears more often if I could figure out a way to have them squeeze my head less.
So, umm, yeah. Thanks for being awesome & I’m really glad I found this place. 😀
Oh yay now I get all sentimental about when someone emailed me a freebie from this site some three years ago and I had that “oh! ths is me!” experience with the archives.
Aw! Sentimental hugfest!
PUTTERING. I am so ready for a PUTTERING BENDER. Thanks for reminding me!
The hard:
– wallop in the face with a shoe
– trying to second-guess the shoe-thrower to work out what the intent behind the shoe was
– and all the stuff that’s coming up from that
– soooooo tired
The good:
– my wonderful, wonderful friends page
– particularly the one who unwrapped the suspicious shoe-shaped package for me when I couldn’t face it, and confirmed that it did, indeed, contain shoe
– potential house is potentially ours
– one of those evenings where you drink the suspicious bottle of perry because it’s the only alcohol left in the house
– middle brother and me being able to laugh about how badly we used to fight
– evening walk, looking out over the sea, with the sun setting at my right hand and the moon rising at my left
– spring!
What I really need now are boundaries. And a very polite but unambiguous sign that says ‘Trespassers will be prosecuted’. Because I fear I may need to.
very scared little Monsters – *very* little ones, too.
There were little birds playing in the snow outside my front door the other day. Spring and winter are hanging out together and it’s pretty cute.
The Hard:
– Yikes. Body work session that unwound all sorts of emotional pain. Led to major upheaval with my husband. Super funk. Increased depression. Wanting to run away. Feeling victimized and desperate to end the pain. Major dislike.
– Overwhelm.
– Hard to smile.
– Not liking myself. Such familiar pain that I just want to RUN!
The Good:
– Above bodywork session that, before the @*#t storm happened, created a space in me that felt so happy, so light, and so free that by the time I got home I was singing to myself and came home and danced with the cat and felt AMAZING. Like way better than I had felt in months.
– Decided to sign up for bodywork retreat so I can go deeper with this work that my system seems to be very responsive to. It’s in a beautiful place and I am excited to go!
– Loving husband who is doing everything he can to be there for me even when I am way, way, way in my stuff and not capable of being nice to him.
– Ice cream date with my girlfriend at her house. Long overdue.
– Handing off some of my volunteer projects so I can chill out more this month while I’m going through stuff.
I’ll take some of the Quiet salve and also some of the “I’m Gonna Make It/Everything’s Gonna Be Okay” tea that’s brewing behind ya’ll. <3
Admiring your courage and strength going deeper into bodywork crap-releasing project ML. And thank you I’ll sure take a cup of that tea! Everything really is going to be okay. It just is. Thank you. <3
Raising my tea cup to you with our special tea in it! Thank you for seeing and hearing me, Claire, and reminding me of my strength and courage. Sometimes I don’t see or feel that at all. But you’re right! So I will wear my courage & strength cape today (a.k.a. my robe!) and feel amazing and empowered as I do the rest of my work. Everything is going to be okay. Right now I believe it!
What did I read on fakebook this morning?
“It’s so easy to get distraught when you see your worst self or your most stubborn stuff come up AGAIN. I urge you to trust in your evolution. Bless this stuff every time it shows itself. It comes up to clear out, not to show you what you’re stuck with.” (jaya the trust coach)
I believe this. So, good for you.
*ting* <–teacup toast
Hi chickenators!
Awesome: [explodey awesome noises]
Gnawsome: The Mane Event. Like no king was before. That’s for damn sure.
Awesome: Cat Wrangling
Gnawsome: Not GSD because of the incredible amounts of Cat Wrangling (but catwrangling is FUN! and I get Sock Points for it!)
Awesome: I am CERTAIN that I am leveling up in Poinsettia Arithmetic.
Gnawsome: It’s kind of annoying that I/we aren’t receiving the spoonfuls I thought we were going to receive in Ion Harems 1.
Gnawsome: Feeling like I’m getting too old for [Nonono]/like [Nonono] is getting too young for me, gerroff my lawn, wouldja?
Awesome: Double Scoop Wheating for Mirthship!
Gnawsome: Blunch Splunch (why would they exclude [leaves] from this? by [leaves] obviously I mean ME)
Awesome: Peegeez Run o’the week! WHOO!
Gnawsome: Op: Batgirl swing and miss. Releasing this to the politest possible extent, I just can’t keep having this on my plate. Over and out. Better luck next time.
Awesome: Everyone who actually got their Peegeez has been delighted and has let me know how delighted they were. PEEGEEZ! We like to peegee.
Awesome: Mad influx of Outbounds because I did the awesome thing to get them to come and now they are here whooooooooooo yay me and yay everyone helping me with this!!!!
Awesome: Super buffet and concert night with the Super Trooper! Yay!
Awesome: Phaerie Gardening <3 <3 <3
Awesome: this really cool gift I’m making for the Phaerie Queene
Gnawsome: trying to figure out The Pattern (the pattern to rule them all!) for trcgim4tPQ
Gnawsome: Quitters. Fuck alla that. Permission to be pissed off about this. Fucking hell.
Gnawsome: Op: Space Opera is going sooooooooooo slooooowwwwly (because I don’t really want to do it! doododododododoooo!!!) (jazz hands)
Gnawsome: Whamazon taking forevvvvvvvver, waaaaaaaaaaahhh(mazon).
Awesome: Catching up with Big Peanut!
Awesome: Catching up with Rainbow Twine!
Awesome: SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!!!
Gnawsome: Some really stupid dreams. Dreams, please don’t be stupid. Come on now. We’re on the same team. Not necessary.
Awesome: cream of parsnip-turnip-shallot-spinach soup, YUM
Superpowers I’ve been using: Superpower of Rose Hen [generosA], Superpower of Cat Wrangling (teehee!), Superpower of CAR, Superpower of Kitten Gazebos
Superpowers I invoke: Superpower of Focus, Superpower of Knowing What To Do Next, Superpower of Space Cow, Superpower of Rose Hen (may it be so!)
WHOOOOSHHHH!!