It is Friday and we are here.
{a breath for Friday}
I am away at the Vicarage, where I have removed myself from everything to get even quieter than I usually am, which, if you’ve met me, is pretty quiet, since I don’t actually talk.
What worked this week?
Trust.
“This moment is right.”
Next time I might…
Remember what Julie says.
Because she’s right:
Anticipation, expectations….just toss that shit out. That is no way to live. Let it go. Work with what is here.
And that she laughs. The laughing part is key. You have to be having fun or at least giggling at yourself while practicing this detachment stuff. And of course: legitimacy for how hard it is. That part is important too. Otherwise I’m just attached to the detachment….
Eight breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.
- Loss and mourning. A breath for goodbyes.
- Goodbyes. A breath for everything ends.
- Missing. A breath for trust.
- PTSD. A breath for healing.
- Expectations and holding onto them. A breath for grace.
- Longings. A breath for allowing desires to be legitimate.
- I wish I could stay here. A breath for passage.
- Inhale, exhale. Goodbye, mysteries and hard moments of this week.
Eight breaths of good, reassuring, delight-filled.
- Wonderfully peaceful. A breath for pleasure.
- Wildly confident. A breath for the superpower I have been working towards: it is here.
- Nothing is wrong. All timing is right timing. A breath for remembering truth.
- Walking by the water. A breath for the thing that is best for me.
- Napping like it’s my job. A breath for one day this will be be part of my job.
- Epiphanies. They can be stupid and annoying, and they are still amazing. A breath for uncovering.
- I crossed a bridge, a big one, and this was the exact right time to do it. A breath for seeing it while it’s happening.
- Appreciation and thankfulness. Thank you, Operation Kaleidoscope. Thank you, everything that brought me here. Thank you, red lipstick. Thank you, lovely surprises. Nothing is wrong. Now is not then. So many things are good. A breath for deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.
WHAM BOOM! Operations completed.
I have been writing all the things I wanted to write that I didn’t know I wanted to write. Wham Boom.
Superpowers!
Powers I had this week…
The power of giving myself permission to do the thing that is indicated instead of fighting it.
Whether that is back to bed or staying out late or crying on the floor or telling the truth.
Superpowers I want.
Same as last time: the power of knowing, deeply, that every moment is treasure.
Salve. The Salve of Comfort.
This salve is like a really good hug.
It holds the qualities of Support, Peacefulness, Reassurance, Unconditional Love, Sweetness, Strength and undiluted Adoration.
When I massage this into my skin, I remember: I am safe. I am held. I am loved. This thing that hurts will pass, and these truths will still be true.
If salve does not appeal, you can have this in tea form, as a bath, cocktail, whatever works for you. Not only is there enough salve, there are also enough ways to receive it.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
This band is from Luke and they’re called Overworked Alter Egos, they play metal ballads in Portuguese and it’s just one guy.
Attenzione! Attention, AGENTS.
I spend a lot of time saying “ohmygod I want to go somewhere and WRITE, I want to go on a writing retreat” and then I never do that because of the part where hahaha I’d probably have to sit around with Writers and talk about what I’m writing.
And then I realized I could invent my own that would be exactly what I want. Price super low because I need to leave town for a couple of weeks. It is called a Righting Retreat.
Partly because that sounds less intimidating (to me), and partly because it is true. We will Right things.
Come read the page because 1) I swear a lot, 2) I make a pun that is also truth, 3) there is a cloud that makes me smile, 4) I can’t be the only person who longs for this, 5) I just made a thing and would love company, 6) there is an extra-extra-extra low price for the first few people.
Not sure if there are still spots left because I am away, but give it a try!
—-> https://fluentself.com//righting/ —-> PASSWORD: oneword
Come play if you like…
Join me in the comments. Some of us share hard and good, some of us say hi, or maybe we’re on silent retreat. My ritual doesn’t have to be your ritual. Whatever works for you. Almost three hundred weeks of this and there still isn’t a right way.
Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We don’t give advice.
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever you like, it’s no big deal. And I am blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers. I love that you are here too.
Follow
Today’s band has to be one of my favourite bands, ever.
“Overworked Alter Egos”! Sounds like a very real thing in my life.
Also: allowing desires to be legitimate. Big time legitimacy for *all the desires*!
Your Widdershins post is right on for me. Thank you for providing the link.
Cluck cluck!
Some things I didn’t like….
* the rubber meeting the road
* having to be patient, and have faith, and ask for things
* and basically many variants on ‘vulnerability’
* I am out of practice
* I did not set things up for myself very well
* the dissolve-o-matic is right there dude, can we not use it?
* internal rebellions
* ah, the endless being-in-process-ness
* getting jazzed (actually I *did* like that, that’s the problem) and staying up late and now I’m a bit sick
* miss my doppelganger, young correspondent, molo crew and floop troupe
Some things I liked……
* purpose
* passion
* commitment
* emerging clarity
* faith
* angels
* resources
* inspiration and inspiring other people
* cute boy on the make
* Turia Pitt made the cover of our premier monthly mag
Cluck cluck bkark! <3
Good Things:
Said no to the office space that didn’t feel right. And had an honest conversation with the broker about why. I can tell by the flood of adrenaline that washed though my system after that that it was the right decision. Although now all I want to do is nap. Grown up conversations are exhausting.
Hair cut!
Cutting out the things from my life that don’t belong anymore, and then tripping over something I forgot. Wishing this chore would be done. This is exhausting, too.
Nice emails from possible future gentleman friends, but my over active sympathetic nervous system is causing issues when trying to meet. And my right arm doesn’t want to type. And the computer system doesn’t seem to want to work.
Hard Things:
Everything is exhausting. (Or maybe I just need a nap.)
My body is wanting the final vote.
a small Saturday chicken to say
Thank you, Me who took a nap
Thank you, Me who didn’t give my body the deciding vote
Thank you, Me who hauled the fretting monsters on the date
Thank you, Date
Thank you, Possible tiny sweet baby thing that we shall whisper to
Cluck!!
Havi, I was thinking and hoping you were someplace quiet on the 4th. I’m not bothered by the pyro-noise, but this year was very invasive. Glad to know you were safe.
what worked this week: the Compass, Best practices and Flailing! Also, lots of kind&gentle.
the suck:
-persistent hip tweak issues meant no workout, no yard work, lots of suck, impeded arts fest and made me feel NotGettingAnywhere. a breath for what the body needs
-losing all my starch. I gave myself a few days after the kids left to just relax and be a potato. However, too many days of this, and I start thinking this veggie-state is permanent. a breath for stuck and outta control
-omg the backyard. a breath for fails, too much work, fails, and fails.
– yesterday’s migraine, and all the suck that came with it. a breath for this pattern
-why am I wasting so much time playing Candy Crush? wtf is up with this? a breath for not knowing who is at the front of the V, and questioning their judgement
-they are called Best Practices for a reason. a breath for self-sabotage
the sparkle:
-Cherry Creek Arts Festival!
-eating dragon-eggs at Hapa Sushi
-flirting with cute artists, sculptors and sushi chefs at Arts Fest. extra bonus–the adorb hippie from Wisco who STARTED flrting me, even when clients were in his tent.
-balancing all the wants and all the money, and being okay
-maybe the Righting Retreat will happen? a breath for hope!
-Colorado Burlesque festival this weekend! I cant do much, but I can go to one class
-creating my own yoga retreat at the hosue this week. yoga, candles, pink Floyd in the living room. bliss
-my first document to edit for ExcitingPress!
– tattoo appointment on sunday.
-full moon circle at my house tonite!
-AfroCuban meet up tomorrow!
-I’m in a Binder full of Women Writers! a breath for community!
-hot buttered epiphanies. from Flailing last nite!
-okay, I get this: the Candy Crush obsession is about Pattern Recognition. And that’s happening because so many things keep happening, they are old pattersn, new iteration of old crap trying to get into my head in a new disguise. A breath for knowing this, and feeling its true, and for feeling liberated from this.
-RADIANCE! R is for RESTED.
The Good: Intel about Windows from practicing Gallivanting – For Fun and Profit at Anaheim Founder’s Park Historical Site.
At the end of the day, yesterday, I realized that I had Made Tremendous Progress on something that needed to be done, but wasn’t scheduled or calendared. Mr. Gantt, (the former Monster who would yell at me for not meeting deadlines, etc. until I agreed that I suck at all that, and he could join my Crew and do all that Behind the Scenes) came out wearing a WHAM Boom! party hat that was shooting tiny rubber chickens out of it. The chickens were exploding into confetti.
And when the “That Doesn’t Count!” Monster popped out, Mr. Gantt put a party hat on him and gave him a zuzu candy. “The prefer zuzus and jujubes,” he explained to me.
The monster was totally bumfuzzled and shut his door carefully behind him instead of slamming it. Then, we heard a “squeeee” from behind his door. It sounded like a happy noise. Maybe in the future, he’ll join my Crew as the “That Counts!” guy who pops out suddenly and starts the WHAM Boom party. But not yet.
And having Imaginary Incidents like this is Normal for me and Everything is okay.
What worked:
June ending.
Realizing that Zoom (my Theme for July) is mooz (pronounced and spelled mmm-ooze) backwards when my body Refused to zoom for the first three days of the month. Last week I used the Tranquility salve. So I was zooming like a comet, tranquil in space, no worries.
Trusting that the Loud Noises and sparkles in the sky meant happy people and not Cover for A Threat.
The mysterious and hard stuff : Increased Anxiety from my Case of Nerves. Dr. Tesla reported on some causes. We will continue to keep an Eye on It.
What I might try in the future?
Continue the process of closing the ProfOrg Office door, zooming comforted.
I am closing the door. I am choosing or creating and opening the new door or doors.
Happy Chickens to you…’til we meet again!
Mmmm, thank you for the Salve of Comfort.
Hard: Having sad feelings that I simultaneously did and didn’t want to talk about, which left me feeling lonely.
Good: Going out into the world and doing things — interacting, exploring, emerging and receiving.
I now invoke the superpower of Effervescent Insight! <3
What worked? Giving the writing mojo free rein, even though the results didn’t result in a sale (yet).
Next time? DRINK MORE WATER. AND REMEMBER MORE OFTEN TO BREATHE.
And change into sneakers before the walk home.
And maybe some spray-on sunscreen is in order.
Eight breaths for the hard, frustrating, etc.
1. Cramps.
2. Trouble with doorknobs.
3. Spider on my face in the middle of the night.
4. Another restaurant dot com snafu.
5. Heat-stressed plants.
6. The Honduran food was super-tasty, but my digestive system did not like that combination of grease + dairy.
7. Loud + entitled is an awful combination to be in the vicinity of.
8. Dog resenting my efforts to comb her, but the dandruff and mats must be dealt with.
Eight breaths for the good, satisfying, etc.
1. Tomatoes and beans right off the vine.
2. An essay I wrote getting a shout-out at Sports Illustrated.
3. Knowing what I want = more sleep, simpler schedule.
4. Hearing from friends
5. Zinnias in bloom, Christmas peppers bearing fruit
6. Major progress on a project begun EONS ago
7. Winning Green Acres (fantasy tennis tournament).
8. Using up the orange peel.
Metal ballads in Portuguese? I am so there!
Warm wishes (and a round of port, to those who partake) to all y’all.
This week: things are landing and it is great and I am grateful! These are things had to land before I could start to FLY! And, yes, tranquility is part of it.
Chickening on Sunday morning.
The good:
– back to work, and stuff to do
– thinking about hope, and having some
– going to the thing was the right thing to do
– this seems to be the year of reconnecting with friends
– meeting an old friend for the first time
The hard:
– London in the sun on a July Saturday
– There is still not much you can say when someone is dead at 35.
– still struggling to find time for myself.
What worked:
Hope. Morning pages.