Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
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Wishes.
Some weeks I have no idea what I want to wish for.
That’s a lie, of course.
It turns out that I always know what I want to wish for, I just often don’t want to admit it to myself.
This week I do not have this problem though. Suddenly I have all kinds of wishes this week, popping up in my peripheral vision like bubbles.
Bubbles.
For example, I want to expand my ASL knowledge to include the ability to be deliciously rude, by which I mean to stand up for myself, and say things like “That’s my seat. Get out of my seat.”
[I do realize that I could have said that anyway, which would have significantly improved today’s eight hour bus ride, but didn’t think it was worth digging in my bag for a notebook to write it.]
So that’s a wish about knowledge, but really it’s a wish about ballsiness (yes, I am a feminist, and yes, it’s just a word that works for me), and really it’s a wish about sovereignty and not caring if people think that I’m a terrible, rude, shallow and generally inappropriate person for wanting the thing that was mine to begin with, which I chose for a good reason.
And I have a wish related to the superpower of the month —- I Take Care Of Myself First — which seemed like the perfect thing when I was calendar-channeling back in the fall, but now I have an almost allergic reaction to this. This is probably a sign that I need it.
So that’s a wish about a new relationship with resistance, and it’s a wish about making peace with being my own advocate, and it is a parallel wish to the first wish.
Many bubbles, all at least tangentially related, and since I can’t process them all at once (haha, see my related wish to eventually write a blog post under 2500 words), I am going to choose one and let it be a fractal flower for the rest.
Let’s talk about dental floss. But first: cups.
Not long after I embarked on Shmita, sabbatical time, and Operation True Yes aka Six Month Roadtrip aka Live Light, I got a message from the ocean about a Mission of Less.
I have been investigating all the possible ways that things can be reduced, simplified, let go of, released.
Then a little over a week ago I saw this arresting image. Click the image to zoom.
It depicts the one million plastic cups used by airline flights — in the United States alone — EVERY SIX HOURS.
One million. Every six hours. Something made from a precious resource, for one brief use, only to fill up the land.
It’s not like I’m unaware of the frighteningly distorted way we live, our distressing disposable culture, but zooming in on this image was truly horrifying, and I understood that it is time to be done, really done, with plastic.
With plastic, with paper towels, with napkins, with things that only get to be used once.
And then….
Quitting paper towels and napkins turned out to be surprisingly easy.
I keep two cloth handkerchiefs in my bag, one is a napkin for everything, the other I use for things like opening bathroom doors.
And since I’m currently on a twelve day voyage/experiment anyway (Operation Adventures In Reverberation), and mostly staying in hotels where I’m not buying groceries, I decided to pretend that my hotel room doesn’t come with a waste basket, and to keep everything I would have thrown away in an envelope.
This was also easier than I thought it would be, and it turns out that most of my [non-food] waste is dental floss.
I am a passionate flosser, it might be one of the few things I allow myself to be addicted to, flossing always makes me feel better. And while I cut down from many times a day to twice a day, I can’t give up the habit and am not entirely sure I want to.
At the same time, this is plastic (which I don’t want in my mouth anyway), and it comes in a plastic package, and this is out.
So I’ve been researching alternatives and I don’t really like anything so far….
Options I’m looking at….
The most appealing substitute I’ve found so far is the thin Stim-u-dent sticks (the terrible name aside), however they seem to only make them mint-flavored, and I can’t stand anything with mint flavor unless it is actual real live mint leaves.
What else is there?
Radius makes a silk floss that comes in sachets — though ew to cranberry, why must things be flavored, and also not sure about silk for sustainability and production reasons.
Everywhere I look someone references Tom’s of Maine as an option, as far as I’m concerned it is not an option, they’re owned by Colgate-Palmolive, and I have never liked them, my whole body has a visceral no, I am allergic to their entire brand. And anyway, I want no plastic, and no packaging to throw out.
Some people use cotton quilting thread but it still has plastic spools.
And some people stop altogether (claiming it’s European style, though, having lived in Europe, this is not a particularly appealing option) or swap for swishing water, but that doesn’t help my addiction.
I am also open to alternative-flossing suggestions, as long as they don’t involve plastic, and you can actually move something between the teeth, not just poke a little.
What do I know about this wish?
It is partly about Less and it is partly about Congruence and it is partly about Sustainability and it is partly about Trust.
It is partly about aesthetics and partly about knowing my preference and partly about following my instinct and partly about being okay with living differently.
So, in short, it’s basically like all my wishes ever.
What else do I know about this?
My monster collective says that this is pointless and that it is far too-little-too-late for sustainable practices to be of use or meaning, and also that it isn’t relevant to my mission.
Except here’s what I know:
This is very relevant to my mission. Self-fluency is about caring for my internal kingdom, and the boundaries (and relationships) between internal and external worlds. Living in a way that is more congruent with how I want to be in the world, well, that is the mission.
And anyway, I am a historian and if I have learned anything from studying history it’s that social change comes from enough people being jostled and jolted into changing their opinions, and their behavior. And while people may change thoughts much faster than habits, it’s all important.
Also I thought figuring out toothpaste would be a nightmare, because I can’t stand the taste of baking soda, but I ended up getting this marvelous solution from Fat & The Moon, I love the taste and you really only need a drop or two on your toothbrush, so it lasts forever. Comes in a glass bottle. I recommend! So maybe lots of seeming challenges can be as easy to resolve as that was.
What else do I know about this?
It is so easy to get so overwhelmed and depressed by all of this, and then either obsess or not do anything, because who can even handle making all these changes.
I want to stay connected to qualities of lightness, buoyancy, groundedness, hope. I want to hold fast to the sweetness that is in here, because it is here, even when hard to see or remember.
And I really want to remember that I can make one or two small changes at a time, and each time this will be easier. Better to weave in change over time than to try to do everything and give up.
What do I really want?
Well, in addition to a viable substitute for flossing, I want ease and joy with making these changes.
I want to listen, really listen, to what my body knows.
It’s only taken a couple generations for plastic to become the unquestioned norm, this can be turned around, and it’s time, and I’m ready. Questioning norms and rewriting patterns and subverting the unexamined status quo when it needs to be subverted, that’s actually what self-fluency is all about.
What else do I know about this?
Trying counts. Experimenting counts. Noticing counts.
Like with all experiments, we do this without judgment and without shame. It’s a process. We try things. We notice what works. We tweak and revisit. We aren’t committed to one right way, we’re committed to the process.
Now.
In my living room with a Rally friend, typing away, drinking tea, feeling thankful.
Thank you for my wonderful noise-quieting headspace-protectors, my green scarf, free wifi, and the amazing thing that is the ability to get from Vancouver, BC to Portland, Oregon in a day. The modern, messy, problematic world has its beautiful conveniences, and I can say thank you for that too.
Me: Hey, slightly-wiser me, what do you have for me?
She: Going into thank you is always the right approach, you’re doing great.
Me: But maybe this is a stupid wish? Monsters think it’s pointless and extravagant.
She: Want what you want, beautiful girl. And anyway, your wishes always turn out to be important in hindsight, they have symbolic power that you don’t necessarily know about yet. Keep following the threads, keep listening to your wise instincts.
Clues?
I had a negotiation of sorts this week, and I was nervous about it. I decided to bring with me all the superpowers of roses, and I asked to get some clues to help me remember.
Well, when I got there, the person I had to deal with turned out to be named Daphne Flores — her first name and last name were flowers! And there was a gigantic bouquet on her desk.
We had a lovely, sweet, warm encounter that flowed easily. I got what I wanted, and she was gracious and helpful. Thank you, flowers. And now I am on my way to the City Of Roses for four whole days.
The superpower of I take care of myself first.
It is May!
The quality for April was ADVENTURE, and it came with the marvelous superpower of I have everything I need for this. The quality for May is REVERBERATE, and it comes with I take care of myself first.
It is super interesting how much trouble I have with all aspects of I Take Care Of Myself First, and I can’t wait to find out what things are like when I am finally good at this.
Things I find helpful for intentions and wishes…
Adventure. Rest. Horizons. Security. Passion. Sweetness. Clarity. Presence.
Ongoing wishes.
Everything is easier than I thought, and look, miracles everywhere. Ha, this doesn’t require my input! My business is thriving happily without me. I think like a dancer. It’s so perfect it turned out like this. Past me is a GENIUS. I have what I need, and appreciate it. I am fearless and confident. I state my preferences clearly, calmly and easily, no big deal. I am ready to come into my superpowers and receive.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
So. Last week, aka New moon…
I love how we weeks ago my wish was about new under the sun, and then last week it was about letting the moon lead, and now it is about earth, and desire, and my body.
This was an excellent wish for me. It helped me get outside every day, morning and evening, and really take the time to connect with the sky, in a sort of “hello, it’s me again” sort of way.
I’ve also been using an app to check in with the state of the moon, and just be reminded of the cycle.
Oh, and the full moon told me to Trust My Glow, which is the most marvelous piece of advice I have ever received, from anyone or anything.
Attenzione! Attention, AGENTS.
I believe the Playground mugs are all sold but you can still acquire a pack of stone skipping cards just send a note and we’ll set it up. Ask Richard for cost/shipping.
Keep me company! Or just say hi!
This is an open invitation to deposit wishes, gwishes, personal ads, superpowers, qualities, whatever you’d like, there’s no right way! Updates on past experiments are welcome too, as is sharing anything sparked for you.
Comment culture: This is safe space for creative exploration. We are on vacation from care-taking and advice-giving. We are here to play and throw things in the pot! With amnesty. Leave a wish any time you want.
Here’s how we meet each other’s wishes: Oh, wow. What beautiful wishes.
xox
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<3 <3 <3 for your beautiful wish.
My beloved guitar, which fell and broke last week, is now in the hands of a highly recommended and respected local luthier. My wish is for my guitar to be mended and safely returned to my embrace. Also, if it's not too much to ask, I would like to never break another guitar ever again, please. Once was more than enough.
I use 100% cotton embroidery floss. You have to check – embroidery floss can be made with silk or polyester mixes. But it is available in pure cotton. I got a whole basket of the stuff at a rummage sale, and decided there was enough of it for creative projects and to experiment with it as dental floss. It works for me. Each strand is wound of a few “threads”. I unravel the floss, to a couple strands, since my teeth are close set. If someone has more space they could use the whole thing as it comes. I lucked out on price, but it isn’t horribly expensive. AND you can soak it in colloidal silver or something like that, dry it and reuse it, till the threads start to break up. Its great. Before I found the embroidery floss I was thinking of getting one of the new water jets for irrigating the gum line and between teeth. But they aren’t cheap.
I had the EXACT same thoughts about dental floss this weekend. I was at a hut in the mountains and had packed lightly and my trash was dental floss. And I hiked and wondered “what else is there?” I wondered about reusable floss but didn’t get far in figuring out what it might be made of.
I had wished for delight and found it in a last minute get away to the most perfect place with all the trails outside the door so that once I arrived I didn’t have to drive. And the perfect blend of alone time and together with strangers time. Truthfully, I went partially because I wanted to run away from being in the same town with the Boy and not seeing him. Which is ok.
And I wanted healthy feet and ankles and they carried me with grace and strength and I am so thankful.
And I wanted clients and clients there are. And 2 wonderful reviews left for me.
This week – silent retreating on that one thing.
I want to be more careful or attentive or something. I kept tripping while hiking when my mind would wander. And I lost my hat and my whistle/compass on the trails. They just fell off and I didn’t notice. I need those things. Maybe a metaphor.
And I want to be kissed.
The superpower of I Take Care Of Myself First — this is the essence of my wish. MrB fell, was injured, hospitalized for five days, and then sent to a nursing home for physical therapy and rehabilitation. I only need to take care of myself for now, for however long he is in the nursing home. The biggest challenge is recognizing my needs and knowing what it means to take care of myself. This is my time to do that, to focus on my own care. In part to find my Yes and my No.
MrB understands, accepts, supports my self care; I am the one who has a hard time with it. Tonight I chose to follow my No, when his new roommate’s television was too loud for my comfort and I left earlier than planned. I wish I could have stayed but I am glad that I listened to my needs and chose peace and quiet. MrB would like it too, and I realized tonight that my staying would not make it quieter for him.
More of that. That is my wish. More self care. More of my own Yes and No.
Also peace and quiet for me and for him.
Somehow I never realized dental floss was made of plastic – I assumed it was natural fibers, just coated with wax. My gums are seriously receding, though, so I think I will try your tooth soap. And instead of the shampoo bar I’ve been using, I’ll try their dry shampoo too.
I’ve been using less water for 20+ years now because I know at some point every human being will HAVE TO use less water.
Inspired partly by your Do Less thingy (and since I’m kinda retired anyway), I’ve been Doing Less of everything. It definitely makes hearing my inner voices easier, and not getting them confused/entangled with whomever in my environment is the loudest or most insistent.
Thank you for your beautiful wishes.
And thank you for thinking out loud in this space, as I greatly benefit from seeing someone else practice figuring out how to live differently.
I have a dental appointment soon. I am hoping that the procedure, the paperwork, the time away from my desk, and other anxiety-attracting aspects all proceed as hoped rather than dreaded.
I am anxious about my dog. We may have to adjust our routines.
I am annoyed about straining a calf muscle during triangle tonight. I am pleased that the monster negotiators are already on the job. Copping out vs. resting.
Speaking of which, a television is blaring. Time to retreat. Warm wishes to all y’all.
Havi,
Have you considered grass for flossing?
I too had a situation this week where I wish I could have stood up for myself but didn’t. And maybe that in and of itself hurts more than what hurt me in the first place. There’s something big there – trusting and letting my hero self take care of my vulnerable self when she most needs it.
Interesting quest! I am curious I’d a waste product from another item could work? Such as a corn husk strand, if it’s strong enough. Best wishes for finding just the right thing!
First of all I wish for Safari to stop crashing so that when I run off to find a cute creature to keep me company, my wishes will still be in this comment form when I get back… Sigh.
This week my wishes have the qualities of a quiet summer’s day. The ligtness, ease and connection that rest in nothing is wrong and nothing is right. I wish for unexpectedness,; tree climping and running wildly. For trusting my feet and my ground. Knowing that the gound is here, even when I am flying. I wish for trusting other people’s voices, their eyes and their touch. Remembering that I am here, and nothing is wrong.
Related to all this I hope for good endings for all the uncertianties and [failings] that have presented themselves lately. May perfect simple solutions reveal themself. I am ready:)
::: (\_(\
*: (=’ :’) :*
•.. (,(”)(”)¤°.¸¸.•´¯`»
What beautiful wishes!<3
<3 Wow! What beautiful wishes, everyone! <3
Sharing space with someone who doesn't see (or feel) the world like I do … Wishing for this to get easier.
Maybe something to explore, I don’t know how satisfying this will be for you compared to flossing,… is oil pulling. It involves cold pressed organic coconut oil which in the uk comes in a glass jar, and it keeps my gums and teeth healthy, and it makes me generally happy. Not so much putting something between your teeth as smooshing goodness all around all your teeth! Thought I’d post in case it resonates. Love love xxx
Yes I love oil pulling! One of my morning rituals. Suppose I could also just rinse/swoosh with oil after meals as well. Love to you!
Coming out from the lurking corner to second the oil pulling suggestion. Also, I just noticed that the word flower = flow-er. As in something that flows. This delighted me. 🙂
I want to plant a wish of ease and comfort and flow.
What beautiful wishes. Thank you, as always.
Love the flow-er!
Wishing you great progress with your wishes.
I use EcoDent floss: http://www.eco-dent.com/gentle-floss.php
Maybe not what you want in the long term, because the floss itself is still nylon, but at least it comes in a cardboard container instead of a stupid plastic one, which is why I switched to it.
What beautiful wishes, everyone!
I haven’t shared last week here, but my wish was for a superpower of Everything Flows Easily For Me and it was miraculous. Before that there was this administrative ick that was dragging on and on for weeks, and then finally I asked for this superpower and the next morning I got it all resolved. And people were really kind and helpful.
My current wish is to be able to express my need without raising my voice. Yes I have read NVC, but this is a knee-jerk reaction I can’t seem to stop stop.
What do I know about this?
I know it’s the tiny me that’s just trying to be heard. She learned that screaming is how you get people to pay attention.
I’ll need to take this into my journal because there is some deep pain stirred that I need to process in solitude.
Thank you.
I use this stuff called Eco-Dent floss, but it’s nylon. So even though it has super minimal packaging and all that, there’s still the problem of the floss itself.
But it occurred to me that linen thread might do the trick beautifully—it comes in heavier weights for loom warping and bookbinding (lots of weight options, actually), and it’s possible to buy it in huge spools (the cores of which are generally cardboard) to save on cost and packaging. Linen is super strong with long-staple fibers, so it won’t break, and could potentially be reused, if that doesn’t gross you out. When I use it for bookbinding, I buy the unwaxed stuff and wax it myself with beeswax. So maybe a food-grade beeswax could work for any waxing needed? I’ve had good luck finding a roughly dental-floss weight in something like 500-yard spools at weaving stores…
You’ve given me lots to think about here, and many stones to skip. We try to have minimal waste in our household, too, but we’re still producing a small bag’s worth every week, which makes my monsters roar. Thinking of all the little things that add up, and tossing pebbles in the fountain, with a breath for each.
Oooh! Update please on waxing linen if you try it!
That photo of the cups! Ugh. I started seeing my plastic use differently after watching a movie on Netflix on the topic. I’ve changed some of my habits, but I could be so much better.
But! I’m not going to beat myself up about it, because one of my wishes is that I continue to love and appreciate myself for where I am…without comparing myself to others. I don’t know why this has become such an issue for me lately, but my tendency to compare has surged.
I feel adrift in a sea of “not good enough” “not doing enough” “not pretty enough” “not successful enough” not focused enough” — things I just didn’t used to think of much. But now it’s pretty commonplace.
I went through some pretty heavy Permission To Self-Discover stuff over the last several months, so the only thing I can think of is that I was pretty hurt during that phase and I have a lot of rebuilding to do. That’s why my wish is for self-love. The kind of self-love that is patient and understanding. The kind that trusts that things always get better.
How this might happen:
– By playing more.
– By sleeping more.
– By writing myself love notes.
– By ordering take out (just called ’em and it made me so happy!)
More of all this, please.
Thank you for sharing all these beautiful wishes….and for being here to receive mine. <3
i have few flossing suggestions, although i agree with the commenter who mentioned linen, because i do know they come in different weights. and the waterpiks are good too, and you can get travel ones. they’re still made of plastic, but it’s less disposable.
i just wanted to come by and whisper a thank-you for something you said weeks ago, about how you miss your mother and that wishing is easier now that she’s not alive and how those can both be true. i think that paradox is the dynamic in every aspect of my entire life right now, and it’s really hard. i love all my people and most of my commitments, and it’s also hard to be myself around them.
and also, my cycle and i are super good, better now that i’m doing fertility awareness. and i know my body isn’t doing it to me, but come on, cystic painful zits when i’m bleeding and hurting is just mean, universe.
my wish for today is to magically go back and live with my college roommate because then i could fling myself on the floor and cry and not only would she not try to fix anything, she wouldn’t even think anything was wrong. why are there not more people in the world that understand that sometimes you need to just fling yourself on the ground and cry without using your words? toddlers get it.
Oh such beautiful wishes!
I’ve been wishing for a nice long time to be able to just write out my VPAs and gwishes and capers. But there is one that is front & center today:
Embarking on the Black Forest Caper! I am so excited for the bona fide adventure!
Qualities: Well-prepared. ShipShape Provisions, charting etc. Playful, curiosity, fun. Connection. Replenishing. Play and pleasure. Ease and support. Wonderful surprises. joy. service. excellent communication
I have a million things to do before my daughter and I weigh anchor tomorrow morning. A breath for All The Things.
In the pot:
-it’s genius it turned out this way. Thanks, past-me
-I know what to do next.
-Everything is fine.
-I have more support than I think
-I’m a writer because I write, I’m a dancer because I dance
-Excellent well-tending all ways always
-I remember my tools and tech, and I can always ask for help.
And a bunch of breaths for all the Wham Boom I have to do today.
I have so many wishes that I don’t even know how to articulate, but thank you thank you thank you for your wish with the floss and the sustainability.
I’ve been thinking about how I’ve seriously backslid on not using disposable things in the last few weeks because it’s just easier to buybuybuy, even though it’s tiring and destroys everything. My new wish is to be gentle with myself as I also commit to using less and reusing.
I’m going to look into non-plastic floss as well.
amen to being gentle with ourselves in this process! And if you find a good solution let me know 🙂
I’m wishing for rituals this week. I have an ambivalent relationship with them – that is, I love them, but I drift in and out, and I can’t keep them going by willpower alone. The rituals that work for me are those that are contained within an external structure – for example, morning and evening prayer happen easily on work days, because I have an app on my phone that lets me bring them up on the train, but they don’t happen on Saturdays. I have other actions that I’d like to make into rituals, and I don’t really know how to make them start.
I’m wishing for: ease – support – a trellis – joy – spaciousness – rendez-vous – permission
Oh, wow, what beautiful wishes!
Report on old wishes – The Big Wish (that The Dude get a job) has been fulfilled by Employment Deployment. It also fulfilled my wish which Monsters told me was selfish and greedy, namely to have the house to myself more.
And although we have never been exactly here before and we don’t know if we ever wanted to be here, the Salve is perfect for Now.
Dare I wish for More?
That was yesterday. Today The Big Wish is back because The Dude did not make it through Orientation. We’ve been here, or a place like here before.
I need a nap and a good cry and warmth and food that goes all the way down as food should unlike the Bad Fish that upset my Stomach.
That graphic of the cups!? Oh my god. Blew my mind.
I had to say that before I even finished reading. Going back now.
I want to let go of the model of ‘will’ as motivation. Instead, I want to learn to be willing, to remember to let myself be drawn towards my visions. I used to say, “I can’t handle it”, and that got me out of everything. Now I know how brave I can be, I tell myself, “I have to.” Though things get done, something in me is exhausted. I understand the urgency of being part of helping ourselves in our social and environmental emergency; I sense the force I use on myself is part of the sickness of our society. The worst of it is that it doesn’t really do much! I know from my creative practice how it feels to fall towards something, like Alice down the rabbit hole, only having to clear the path and hold on to presence for dear life. This is what I want to learn for the other parts of my life, the ones I’m forcing into the shape of what I think they ought to be like. I resist falling because I fear drifting, the comfort of avoiding wanting. Envisioning is work. Celebrating is work. Paying attention is work. I love work! This kind of work I can do, and I need to value it and validate it myself. So, this week, I want to enjoy my life, enjoy my growth, and enjoy my visions. I want to enjoy growing deep willingness.