Hello, week: we are here.
{a breath for being here when we get here}
Thank you, week!
This is the 395th week in a row we are chickening here together….
What worked this week?
Making lists about how Now Is Not Then
Next time I might…
Not click.
Naming the days.
This week was the week of emptying and M-T-ing, and here were the days:
Doors to yes. Sweetly easing. Emptying with love. So much appreciation. Safe spaces. Ready to rock it. Genius!
Upcoming biopic if it were based on this week…
Wait, what if I had the superpower of Thinking That I Am Completely Fucking AMAZING?!
8 breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.
- Repeat from last week! I am tired and I want to retire. A breath for this.
- My body is covered in mysterious bruises, either I am sleepwalking and wandering into walls, or I am sleepwalking my way to fight club. Eleventh rule of fight club: don’t sleepwalk to fight club. A breath for grounding.
- Awful terror dreams, waking up screaming. A breath for comfort and being comforted.
- I have now been emptying for what feels like years (first my retreat center that failed, then the playground, then the ballroom, then my house), and sometimes it seems there really is no light at the end of the emptying tunnel. Many moments of giving up, moments of back to bed, moments of considering just burning it all down. And listening to this song while feeling big feelings. A breath for trust.
- Living out of a suitcase is up there on the list of least favorite things. A breath for healing, for rewriting, for finding a way to do this in the spirit of adventure and play, with lots of Safety First.
- Oh god why do I ever click on anything, the world is full of terrible things. And yes, terrible things that are worth feeling strongly about — like #freekesha. A breath for safety first, again, and taking exquisite care of ourselves as a radical act that is part of the process of reclaiming power.
- A person I thought would be a source of support during all the hard stuff is playing a game I don’t understand, and it sucks. A breath for this turning out to be a misunderstanding, and for the opportunity to resolve it.
- Inhale, exhale. May all misunderstandings and distortions, internal and external, dissolve in love if not in laughter. May peacefulness prevail. Trust-more love-more release-more receive-more. Goodbye (and thank you), mysteries and hard moments of this week.
8 breaths for the good, reassuring, delight-filled.
- Miraculously my ankle is better. Usually these mysterious injuries take months to heal but I am walking and dancing and it’s working. Appreciation-breath.
- Ah, the light at the end of the emptying tunnel! That is, the tunnel of emptying, not a tunnel being emptied, though it kind of felt like that too. Anyway, I got there. The house is finally almost-empty and almost-ready-to-show, and I honestly was starting to doubt that we’d get there. A breath for hope.
- I got some more intel on yes, as well as some sweet simple solutions, and am feeling generally more hopeful about everything. A breath of thankfulness.
- Much dance joy. Blues, waltz, fusion. A breath for the creative play, connection, the FILLING UP ON JOY that dance can bring.
- Feeling excited instead of frustrated about a number of challenges, this is where I excel. Big creative magic brewing. A breath for clear seeing.
- Something I was worrying about because I forgot about the superpower of I’ve Forgotten To Worry turned out to have the most simple easy explanation. And then I was able to remember this and choose away from worry and towards ease in other situations. A breath for the thing the arborist says: one less thing to worry about, zero minus one is negative one!
- AFTERPARTY. Aka the sweet yes that emerged once I finally said my no. A breath of gratitude.
- Thankfulness. Treasure in the form of wise friends, kalamata olives, knowing what questions to ask, knowing how to play, sweetness and tenderness in my heart, a wise negotiator who stepped in and got my monsters to take a day off. Everything is okay and so much is good. Nothing is wrong, even when I want to believe it is. Now is not then. All Timing Is Right Timing. Thank you for this grand adventure. A full breath of deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.
Sparklepoints, superpowers, salve, fake band of the week!
Current ops and forward movement!
Progress this week on the Studio Op, Wild Montage, and The Fountaining. Finished up The Namer Names and A Beautiful Inventory. Incremental movement and much percolating on the Wild Wild Nest and Operation Jubilation. Thank you, fractal flowers.
I am bestowing vast quantities of sparklepoints upon myself like a fairground stripper, and you are welcome to do the same for you.
Superpowers I had this week…
Last week I asked for the powers of Fierce Glow, I Fill Up On Glorious Appreciation, At Home In Myself, and Perfect Simple Solutions Land. This is kind of amazing, but yes, all of this happened to a degree, and some of it quite a lot!
I also re-seeded Let’s Get Serious About Joy, and A Parade For How Great I Am, Yes, A Parade! These are big, and I want to keep naming them.
Powers I want.
I really want new dance friends to go dancing with, and surely there is a superpower related to this, like maybe All The Right People To Play With Show Up, or the superpower of Just Right Companionship.
And I would also like the powers of I Have Completely Forgotten How To Worry, To The Point That I Can’t Even Remember What It Is Like, and the powers of I Think I Am Completely Utterly Wildly Amazing.
The Salve of I Think I Am Completely Amazing
Contrary to [beliefs of the outside world and the training/brainwashing we get from distorted puritan culture and the rigged game], this is not at all an ego salve.
No, this is a secret door-to-self-treasuring salve.
The questions this salve evokes, as it softens into my skin and its magic hits my bloodstream, are thrilling and important, and, maybe this seems counter-intuitive, but spiritually important:
What would I do for myself if I actually believed this? What would change, both right now and in my life in general…
Take a shower? Set things up for tomorrow-me so there is no rush? What else? How would I dress? How would I apply lip balm? How would I set a place for myself at the dinner table, would I make it as lovely as I would for a long-lost friend or a lover? What new choices would I make?
This salve is made of love, kindness, endless permission-filled compassion, welcoming, belonging, and sanctuary.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
This week’s band is:
Mmmmmm Welders
Their latest album is Little Glow In The Dark Neon Shorts, and it turns out this band is just one guy.
TWO ANNOUNCEMENTS!
We are doing some reconfiguring and Congruencing, and the shop will disappear soon, so if there was something you wanted to buy, go ahead and do that before it’s gone. More explanations about [reasons] to come, but it’s all good stuff, and if something is speaking to you, this is a good time.
And this is the last chance to acquire a pack of stone skipping cards — PASSWORD: sweetdoors — because I’m moving out and won’t have anywhere to store them or the shipping materials, so get them this week, they’re amazing! And while you’re at it, sign up for the not-exactly-a-course where we embark on establishing a loving playful practice of self-inquiry, to access previously-hidden gems of internal wisdom and whatever else we might need. Dates coming soon!
How was your week?
Come play in the comments. Share something from your week, take a breath, or just say hi! No rules, my format doesn’t have to be yours, we’ve been doing this every week for years now and there still isn’t a right way.
Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We lovingly refrain from giving advice.
And of course it’s always okay to comment under a made-up name, whether for play and delight, or in the interest of Safety First.
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — jump in whenever you like. Blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers too!
Follow
Here’s my own sleepy chicken!
A thing that worked: breathing deeply, and singing.
Next time I might: ask for more.
A hard thing: more car trouble, and unhappy miscommunications about how to handle it.
A good thing: Afterparty!
I now invoke the superpower of Purring For Myself. I don’t yet know all the effects of this superpower, but I intend to enjoy finding out!
Hello, Friday! Thank you, week!
What worked? Biding my time. Going to class.
What next? Prayanama breaks?
Hard, exasperating, and the like:
1. So enraged about so much.
2. Aggravated, too.
3. Frightened, too.
4. Anxious, too.
5. Why are the transplanted seedlings not doing better?
6. Autoplay, reply all, chain e-mails…
7. Not getting (to) (go to) things.
8. The part of me that wants to be everyone’s favorite all the time even though that not only isn’t possible, it isn’t what I truly want, considering all the time I need to/for myself and the immense challenge of carving out enough time/energy for even a fraction of the people who already matter to me.
Good, hopeful, and such:
1. Impromptu, lovely, delicious dinner out with my sweetie.
2. Warm weather = short dress, no tights.
3. Dancing a complicated dance with a strong lead.
4. Feeling able to choose sleep over deadlines.
5. Reports/photos well received.
6. An abundance of magazines and books in the house. Past Me is overjoyed at such good fortune.
7. New skin on scraped knee — the pool awaits.
8. Salves and masks; clean socks and clean sheets.
Warm wishes to all y’all.
So much resonance for me in your #8: I definitely have a part that wants to be liked by everyone (or at least not disliked by anyone) all the time, even though that’s not really what I want.
Greetings all.
This week has been exceptionally hard. I keep laughing and telling people, “Yes, the walls are closing in…” and I gesture with both arms up, trying to hold off the walls, “…and me and my Body are in Negotiation!” *looks down at Body expectantly*
I laugh about it–because really, what else can I do, when I’m doing Everything I can to attend to the situation at hand–but I’m close to breaking point. And my complex situation is, well, complex, so I’ve given up trying to help people understand. I don’t expect anyone to understand–it’s taken me eighteen months to even begin to get my head around it and I’m still at a loss for much for it–but gosh, I genuinely thought there’d be a few people *willing* to Try to Understand.
So I laugh. And I curl back under my rock as required. And I Keep. Trying.
But I’m running out of Energy. Truly.
So the Hard:
~ walls closing in
~ the Reality of said walls
~ Aloneness
~ people who mean well but Truly. Don’t. Get. It.
~ the Sheer Exhaustion
~ the Craving of Investment of Energy by Others
~ did I mention the Aloneness?
~ being triggered by other people’s Hard and remembering Things I’d worked hard on years ago so resenting that they’re reappearing, as well Stung by needing to stay silent about it
The Good:
~ going to the gym, Even Though I can only do 10min cardio, 10min weights
~ eating Crazily well and it shining through my hair, my skin, and my eyes, Despite crazy health issues (though tis the very health issues that motivate me to Strictly Eat Well–but lovingly not punitively)
~ standing up for myself, Fiercely when needed
~ make space for where things are at, Even Though I don’t fully Understand where things are at
~ despite the Aloneness, also Luxuriating in Solitude with reading, lying in the sun, lazily grooming, eating when I want, marching to the beat of my own drum (is that Magnificent Tuning?!)
~ living amongst birds and trees and delicious greenery
I need Connection, Hope, and Practical Solutions, so may the coming week see me Momentously Tripping (see what I did there? *wink*) over Easy Solutions, Realising the Walls are simply Guiding me to a Better Path, and may I have Magnetic Talents (I bet you didn’t miss that one!) for Attracting Deep and Safe Connection.
All hail and Kind Wishes, good people…
I think you are completely fucking amazing! Also I have been feeling fucking amazing on occasion this week.
The hard:
– a lot of illness among colleagues
– You’re Not A Real X monsters out in force
The good:
– pub night with some other pretty fucking amazing women from the internet
– holy crap I appear to have become biggified
– the days are getting lighter and I am becoming more able to cope with getting up in the morning
– one colleague with very good news
– another new opportunity!
Cluck cluck chicken!
*champagne toasts your biggification*
There has been Good & Hard both this week, but right now everything has been overwhelmed by the bit where I got STUNG BY A WASP on my left hand this morning & it is OW & BADWRONG & NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
So I am invoking the Superpower of Well I Just Won’t Use That Hand For Anything Until It Feels Better because that is what feels right.
(ow)
The difficult:
Driving. A necessary part of the delight but still, there is so much of it. And still more.
The venn diagram of things I do with my friends and things I love to do is 2 circles.
The delightful:
Skiing. Whooshing. Turning. Flying. A body that remembers how to do that, after all this time. And 83 year old papa skiing right along with us. A breath for every day.
Guitars being played.
The happy hum of the cabin.
Being in a woodstove heated building carving spoons with people who carve spoons and can make baskets out of trees.
Feeling so happy and free in a place that I almost cried.
Being back in my own bed and asleep by 9:25pm.
what worked this week: remembering to conduct and using the Destuckification Station; going to Interplay and especially doing the Rant Chair form; trusting the practice of Go With What’s Juiciest.
what I might do differently: try to get to bed earlier? I’m not completely sure that it would have helped this week’s Mean Reds, but it certainly wouldn’t have hurt.
the Hard:
1.) That One Co-Worker and I appeared to be locked in a Dance of Mutual Irritation this week–that was super fun!
2.) Generally high levels of Cranky Bitch mood, though the people I talked to said they hadn’t noticed, so at least I was n’t emoting Cranky Bitch all over innocent bystanders (with the possible exception of That One Co-Worker).
3.) {unpleasant body surprises}
4.) Continuing difficulties with getting up the morning, resulting in spending more than I’d like on taxis in order to get to work on time (and once I was late anyway)
5.) A good friend was going to come visit, but had to cancel because of snow.
6.) Lots of mysterious misplacing of things when I needed them
Good:
1.) President’s Day holiday on Monday was a lovely time of rest.
2.) The housecleaners came this week!
3.) Interplay today!!! Lots of great dances and vocal forms, and sitting in the Rant Chair was absolutely the best decision and helped me shake most of the lingering crankiness out of my bodymind.
4.) Surprise find of great shoes on sale!
5.) Taxicabs exist! And also had really good luck with Lyft this week–maybe I will try to shift to using them more (and I feel good about ethically b/c I have had several drivers say that they are much better than Uber)
6.) AFTERPARTY!
7.) I read a really good book this week: The End of Average by Todd Rose. The title is kind of blah but I’m not exaggerating when I say that I think it has revolutionary potential.
The Hard:
– just uncovered my biggest monster in therapy
– the only way out is through
– this is basically taking over my life to the exclusion of much else
The Good:
– talking openly about my mental health struggles I’ve bonded with so many of my dearest people whom I now feel much closer to
– I talked to a former partner of mine about something in our relationship that I had felt deeply ashamed about and found out that he remembered it nothing like I did, meaning all that shame I’ve been carrying was not needed. Whoosh!
– welcoming strangers at an event 🙂
– lots and lots of hope for therapy
– Talking To Monsters Coloring Book!
All in all, I see lots of movement in my life, some of it painful, but all of it positive. I hereby invoke the superpowers of Safety First and I Think I Am Completely Amazing for the coming week!
Yes! I’ve been having the superpower of Thinking (Knowing) That I Am Completely Fucking Awesome quite a bit lately, and it’s such a wonderful surprise!
One time I was riding in a car with my mom and dad, at dusk, through a sparse wide grid of county roads toward their home. We all saw an impossibly bright disk of light in the distance, and, almost without speaking, we all agreed to follow it. We didn’t want to break the spell by naming our shared hope that it was something extraterrestrial and extraordinary.
It turned out to be just one guy, a welder working in his driveway.
Mmmm Welder.
We’re we disappointed. Hell no we were not disappointed, The shared search, the quiet little hope we kept afloat between us, turned out to be extraordinary enough.
that is a marvelous story, and so perfect <3