Hello, week: we are here.
Wow what a week, what a time to be breathing, let’s breathe.
{a breath for being here when we get here}
Thank you, week!
This is the 414th week in a row we are chickening here together!
What’s been working?
Surprisingly (though really, I think I have been surprised by this enough times in my life to not be surprised by it anymore?), falling apart worked wonders.
Or maybe that should be permission to fall apart.
I fell apart, and then I felt a thousand times better. And then I wrote a letter of resignation, except I didn’t have anyone to give it to, because I’m self-employed.
And this led to a beautiful moment of deep realization that I have not been in a sovereign work relationship with myself — neither as employer nor employee.
As an employer, I need to pay myself what I would pay someone else as amazing as me, especially someone who has been working her ass off for the business for the past eleven years. Or really, I need to at least pay what I would pay anyone for the hours I put in at work. I also need to recognize that the work day does in fact end at some point, and not just when everyone is too worn out to do anymore.
And as an employee, I need to advocate for myself and my needs, and not just do what I believe is expected of me (by me).
Anyway, that might all still be a little incoherent, but something very big shifted, in me and in my relationship with the business, and this all came from spending an afternoon crying on the floor, so yes, that worked for me.
I might try…
Taking more time to enter and exit. Luxuriating in entry and exit.
Naming the days.
This week was the week of doors into harmony and these were the days.
Coming home. In my witchy grace. Ease of releasing. Door to harmony. Solved by the bell. Crown on. New reverberation.
Upcoming biopic if it were based on this week…
Everything works out if I just wait and let it.
8 breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.
- This week involved a surprise 3am party in the house where I am staying, not once but twice. And by “surprise” I mean I was fast asleep and then suddenly hey a dozen very loud drunk people in the house, right outside my bedroom door, blaring music and yelling. Because my new summer housemate did not mention that he likes to spontaneously invite everyone at the bar to come home with him? And I wouldn’t have guessed that because he’s normally a very sensitive, considerate person. Anyway, the first time I joined the party and the second time I did not, and neither of those were good for me, and then I was tired and cranky and it was hard for me to do my work. A breath for this.
- Related to the above and also to other things, I had to do a lot of establishing clean clear expectations this week, with grace and love. Because the world needs adults who can do this, it’s important. Not necessarily always fun, but important. But pretty much everyone I know hates any hint of conflict or confrontation, so all my friends were telling me to just exit and not talk about it, and I was like, NO WE ARE GOING TO TALK ABOUT THIS. A breath for clarity, and for the life work of dismantling patterns, and doing it with love.
- I really want to be mad at someone about a situation but there is literally no one else involved in it, and all signs point to me. A breath for self-forgiveness and for waiting to see how this plays out, because I bet this is useful.
- The coast is a good place for me to be right now but it is not my place. A breath for the clarity of knowing this.
- [Silent retreat]. A breath for self-advocacy and learning to take care of myself in new ways.
- Missing. A breath for comfort.
- I have a conundrum that needs a solution, but in order to follow the thing I think will deliver the solution, I need time and funds for that particular voyage. It’s a mystery, may all the right clues reveal themselves. A breath for trust.
- Inhale, exhale. May all misunderstandings and distortions, internal and external, dissolve in love if not in laughter. May peacefulness prevail. Trust-more love-more release-more receive-more. Goodbye (and thank you), mysteries and hard moments of this week.
8 breaths for the good, reassuring, delight-filled.
- What a delightful week. Today is my eighth day of being out of Portland and I am so happy to be here by the water. A breath of joy.
- I remembered about tools! I am a writer and I need my tools! If I were a farmer, my primary tool might be my tractor. But I am a writer and my primary tool is my clarity, my peace of mind. And as a farmer, I would not agree to someone borrowing my tractor for three days, so why do I agree to people and situations “borrowing’ my clarity and peacefulness? I realized I need to stop doing this, and that made everything better. A breath for this new understanding.
- A lovely routine has developed here, and I feel completely at home, which I did not expect at all. I found a gorgeous ballroom where I can practice dance for two hours a day. A highschool friend of my housemate’s little sister has a food cart that closes exactly when I finish dance practice, and we have a little agreement where he has delicious tacos waiting for me when I am done with dance. The morning cafe knows what I like, and my fellow morning writers nod when I come in. Everything is easy and quiet and it works for me right now. A breath for getting what I need when I need it.
- I said what I needed to say, in a few different situations. I said it with love and it was received with love, and everything was fine. A breath of quiet trust.
- Muse is ON. I am writing up a storm, with three different YEARbook ebooks in progress, and just inspired. A breath of gratitude.
- I am channeling Adrianna’s superpowers so hard. Enjoying delicious food with delicious slowness. Taking as long as I need to get ready. Luxuriating in luxuriating. Talking to bridges. Listening more. Resting. Taking my time. A breath for receptivity.
- Self-treasuring, ritual, slowness, attentiveness. These are becoming the rule and not the exception to the rule, and I think this is related to getting out of the city, though right this is also too much city for me, and soon I will need more quiet than this. Which is hilarious but there it is. A breath for this new way.
- Thankfulness. Treasure in the form of delicious food made with great love, friendly people, warm smiles, time and space to myself, past-me booked a healing massage for me on the exact day I needed some big releasing, things are working themselves out without my input. Everything is okay and so much is good. Nothing is wrong, even when I want to believe it is. Now is not then. All Timing Is Right Timing. Thank you for this grand adventure. A full breath of deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.
Superpowers I had this week…
Last week I asked for the powers of Actively Choosing Peace and Quiet, pre-emptively advocating for myself in all things, and deep healing through lusciousness. Yet again, asking is an astonishing practice, because I didn’t expect to get these, but now I see they were with me all week.
Powers I want.
More of the same please and also the powers of My Own Best Ally, I Have Everything I Need In The Moment I Need It, All The Right Doors Open For Me, and of course the superpower of the month of Harmony: I hear the melody.
The Salve of Everything You Need In The Moment You Need It.
In many ways, this is a salve of awareness. It soaks into your skin and you begin to notice all the ways you already are cared for, that what you need is available to you.
And as you begin to notice all the ways that you do have what you need, you also noticed all the things you can do to take better care of yourself. You become your own strongest advocate, and you feel fierce love towards yourself.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
This week’s band is:
Escaping The Power Lines
Their latest album is Close Close Close Close Closer, and this band is just one guy.
Announcement time….
More to come soon, but I left the monster manual in the place that used to be the the shop. So if you missed the closing of the shop, there is still something beautiful for you!
How was your week?
Come play in the comments. Share something from your week, take a breath, or just say hi! No rules, my format doesn’t have to be yours, we’ve been doing this every week for years now and there still isn’t a right way.
Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We lovingly refrain from giving advice.
And of course it’s always okay to comment under a made-up name, whether for play and delight, or in the interest of Safety First.
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — jump in whenever you like. Blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers too!
Follow
I can’t find reflections of how I do things/what kind of life I have, in the outer culture. So… maybe I should stop looking there for affirmation? Which likely will stop me from feeling defective because I have a different way of doing things.
Other people apparently have crowds of people offering emotional support, celebrating with them, making insightful comments. I have… me. So, I can stop reading about Team You, and scads of stuff on social media; it doesn’t apply to me.
Focusing on Being Here Now.
<3
– o –
Cluck cluck chicken
The hard:
– [silent retreat]
– I don’t even know what’s been happening in British politics this week. I don’t think anybody does.
– everybody’s pain and anger floating around and bouncing off everybody else’s pain and anger
– finding myself disagreeing with people I usually get on well with
– ‘the first thing a principle does is kill someone’
– people failing to *get it* while being technically correct
The good:
– swimming in the rain at the lido, cycling home like a queen, sausage and chips in front of the tennis
– church group, which wasn’t at all what I thought I wanted, but which I think turns out to be what I needed
– surprise solo at evensong, happily something I’d sung every year at previous choir (‘worked for years to be an overnight success’)
– Vaccai vocal exercises
What worked:
– staying the hell off the internet
– getting the piano tuned
– making secret cards
Love to you all xxx
<3
Hello, Chicken!
The hard:
? Am in the midst of numerous expenses related to previously-deferred maintenance on my 23-year-old house. Big Bucks. Also, not done yet. Scary, including realizing how long it will take me to pay them off. Especially because I am also facing expenses related to …
– Lyme’s Disease and a common co-infection which I picked up in May. Many of the medical practitioners competent to treat these infections do not file insurance and must be paid cash. Plus there are a number of specialists who also would like to be reimbursed after insurance they take is paid. Plus blood tests, scans, ultrasounds, 2 ER visits, and a hospitalization. Ugh. Too much information? For me, too!
? Trying to distinguish side effects of the infections and the treatments, plus those of stress and “normal” aging. Basically it’s a new college-level course, metaphorically, just when I was thinking I’d never have to go back to school, at least on this biochemical stuff.
? Listening to myself whine about all the above. Needing to vent about all the above. Being unwell when I’m feeling symptoms that might be Lyme’s side effects, and equally plausibly might be treatment side effects. Recognizing the infections may not be cured even though we caught them early. Or that if we can, that they could take a year or more to eradicate.
The good:
? Luckily, my body aggressively fought the initial infection, so I got a fever and a rash, so that I got the right tests, so that I found out what it was in about 6 weeks. And luckily, I got the right initial treatment even before the specific infections were confirmed.
? Luckily, I am not having joint pain or other arthritis symptoms; and cardio and neuro symptoms have been limited or minimal.
? Luckily, I live in Maryland and have family in Virginia, where there are lots of ticks and lots of people with Lyme’s, so I have lots of advice and sympathy available about doctors, symptoms, and treatments.
? Luckily, a lovely person I mostly know online was kind enough to provide some very useful advice about managing all the medical and billing information. A breath of gratitude.
? Luckily, the Home Repair Iguana Committee went on vacation, so that just when I need it I have a replacement cooling system.
? Luckily, I learned here and at Rally! about Monsters, and in the Floop/Swoop was able to practice conversing with some that are my own. So I am now prepared to deal with external Demons like Disease, and Chaos (Shiva), as well as my internal Monsters like Uncertainty, and You’re Not Really Sick, and You Shouldn’t Take That Medicine If It Has Side Effects You Don’t Like, and Yes You Are Sick So You Should Avoid Starting [any given project], and You Should Blab About This To Everyone And Then Feel Guilty, and all their friends.
? Luckily, I am forced to confront the future side effects of aging, some of which are already at the doorstep, knocking. These are additional tests and opportunities. To become a Wise Woman in old age, I must understand myself, including what I may become.
Reasons to Rejoice:
? Air conditioning!
? Having enough spoons for the current situation; plus the concept of spoons to use during symptom flares.
? Ice cream.
? Beautiful weather, interspersed with enough rain for my plants.
? Family.
? Choosing and enjoying more healthful food.
? July as the month of Harmony – thank you, Havi!
Wow I have no idea how those hyphens became question marks!
<3
<3
Sending gentle healing breezes.
I wrote a very long chicken involving a SILENT SCREAM and a metaphor about Pea Boiling Judges with bad taste and a sparkely hidden dimension. Then the internet at this cafe kicked me off. Luckily, all the transformational aspects of chicken had already kicked in, so I feel better!
Success!!!
Brilliant!
a second quick chicken because why not.
don’t know what happened this afternoon, but i feel immensely better about Everything, and Anything seems possible.
over and over again, i am reminded of the importance of rest.
i’m in the midst of a difficult journey. several months ago i drew a map, and today i revisited this map and colored the parts i have completed, and filled in details i can now see more clearly. i also located the EXIT, which casts the whole thing in a wonderfully crisp light.
i want the Superpowers of Trust And More Trust, Fierce Gratitude, Tenacity, Gentleness, Forgiveness, Patience, Time
superpower of as many chickens as desired! <3 <3 <3 for your map
<3
another chicken is called for and Supportive Environment is a healthy choice, not [blah blah blah]. This is Me, asking myself for help.
GATES –> TEA & Silly Games!
i do want to LEVEL UP
this helped:
LEVEL OF ME CANNOT BE COMPARED TO LEVEL OF YOU
SOVEREIGNTY INCLUDES DEFINING LEVELS
(and i want to say, that it bothers some [parts of me – but i think they’re actually not mine] to [] because why do i not []. and i DO [], and [], and [], and that is NOT TO BE ASHAMED OF NO MATTER []. WHY ON EARTH WOULD THAT BE SOMETHING TO BE ASHAMED OF? WHY DO I KEEP UNCOVERING YET MORE *TRUE, HUMAN* ASPECTS OF MYSELF I WAS EXPLICITLY TAUGHT TO BE ASHAMED OF. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.
Superpower of I CHOOSE MY OWN FRIENDS.
Superpower of I HAVE OPINIONS!
Superpower of I AM UNASHAMED AND UNAFRAID
what needs to be eliminated?
guilt
shame
other definitions
what needs to be illuminated?
LOVE
YES
my own definitions
Sovereignty
EXIT
my own path
what could help?
DAMMIT list!
lots of small rituals
A Lot Of Deep Breaths.
Patience.
SHINE
“Now is the Chicken of our witchy grace…”
Probably the worst thing about my week was the trouble I had sleeping at night.
Probably the *best* thing was being able to receive loving support from several different quarters, support that is leading to believe that the Amazing Thing I feared could never happen may be actually happening. (Of course, I also have plenty of fears about the Amazing Thing *actually happening*, but I have tools to help me with that.)
I am invoking the superpower of Ocean Whenever I Want It. I don’t know whether I’ll get to a beach this summer or not, but I think I’m onto something with this magical internal ocean. Lighting a lamp in my lighthouse window, and sending love…
Oh, I have received that superpower too, as a result of my dialog with Chaos, which became Harmony. I will have to remember to add a lighthouse.
Thanks for the healing breezes. <3!
Mmmmm, how nice, I am very far from the ocean, but on my desk is a rock from the ocean the last time I went there. Its color and movement like water on sand
10/10 would sob on floor again! [Filing this away for what will be the perfect moment later]
Challenging recently:
– Eh, some family stuff I have plenty of support around
– Eh, some ouchiness that I am coping fine with
– Mmmmmm that’s about it! Not feeling particularly drawn to dwell on these right now. Fwooosh!
Delightful recently:
– Yesterday I went from how-will-I-ever-move-again tired to zooooom-doing-all-the-things energized in two seconds flat, for no apparent reason. Not the first time this has happened recently! Exhaustion: it is not permanent! (for me, right now, in this situation). Hooray!
– Similarly, I am doing SO GREAT at recognizing when I am feeling sadfish about whimpering and limping around in the middle of the night / first thing in the morning, and remembering that I always feel better once I get going, and doing lots of arm and leg and back stretches, feeling freedom there to remind myself that my midsection and pelvis are not the sole determinants of mobility. I am very impressed with myself! Superpowers of Round Wife FTW!
– Also! I am feeling very at peace with the uncertainty around Little Fish’s mode of exit/entry into the world. Maybe things will go one way, maybe they will go another. It is okay! I am okay, I am safe, I am held, and my little fish is an amaaazing creature who will be here to see and kiss soon! Muah muah muah I cannot wait to snuzzle your little face. Eee.
So! Yah! I would like Continued Superpowers of Round Wife, please! Big hugs to the universe, to myself, and to everybody <3 <3 <3
It is a Sunday, but it feels like Friday or possibly Saturday.
The Hard:
Writing group person sent hundreds of pages to be read. And said “I didn’t look at your notes from the last 100 pages, and I have not cut anything out of these hundreds of pages but could you please go through them and tell me what to cut, even though I cut nothing of what we talked about at the last meeting.” Resentment. A breath.
The Good:
I cut 10,000 words from my book yesterday. Tucked them all away into a folder when they can all hang out together. And then put up the scaffolding for the right words. A finish is in sight.
Delicious alone time today on the water with a book. Floating the shallows in my kayak will never not be a joy to me.
Still 2 more days off.
Everyone is at parties or on boats and it is so quiet out. And in.
” … on the water with a book. Floating in the shallows in my kayak …”
Mmmmmmm … love this, so peaceful.
Beautiful Sunday to you, and beautiful Monday, too!
Happy Monday and Cluck!
things are really quite good, but there are always bumps in the road:
-i cannot get motivated at my job. not good
– i cannot move forward on my Work. also not good
-my hunger caused me to forget my manners. embarassing.
-once again i went looking for the blue bird of happiness in someone else’s yard. i gave in to the narrative that i am not at home anywhere. dangerous and inaccurate narratives
-i returned to my yard with a real desire to connect with my husband, he just doesnt feel the same depth of connection. things get better or dont, but the amount of water in this well doesnt increase, i i just make my peace with it
so much sparkle:
-i’m having a wonderful summer, lots of fun
-awesome solstice camping trip with wonderful gifts.
-raw honey and harebells
-a wonerful weekend in Boulder with the husband. dead shows! comfy cabin! ridiculous college food! party favors! i danced for hours
-my garden survived!
-tonite’s the new moon and i do feel a renewed purpose and focus