Note: I am on my emergency vacation where I get to either a. fall apart completely while looking at beautiful scenery or b. not fall apart completely but still look at beautiful scenery.
So anything posted this week might not make sense. There. That’s my disclaimer. Carry on.
So you may recall that we (that’s me, my gentleman friend, my brother and my duck) are all torn up about our favorite neighbors moving to Denver.
I need to tell you why they’re leaving.
And how I took it (uh, not very well) because there’s a Useful Lesson or two in all of this about self-employment and stuff.
Okay. Here’s why they’re leaving. They’re leaving because one of them lost his job (ugh), but can keep it (yay) — kind of — if he transfers to a different position in the company. Which happens to be in Denver.
Reactions. Various.
Because I am a terrible person, my first reaction was purely selfish.
It was actually more of a stream of consciousness rant than an actual reaction, but this is more or less what the inside of my head sounded like:
“What?! You can’t move to Denver! We love you! We’ve never had neighbors we even remotely liked before this and now we have neighbors who are actual friends that we spend time with! Like, for fun!
Do you have any idea what we’ve put up with? We lived next door to a total thuggery with parole officers banging on the doors.
And the “we play mariachi music at full volume with the windows open for days on end when we aren’t even there” couple.
And what about the LA douchebags who weren’t even from LA and their late-night parties and their drumset? The DRUMSET! Noooo! Don’t goooooooo! We need you!”
But then because I am actually a lovely person, my second reaction was completely empathic and I listened to them talk about how miserable and scared they feel right now and sat with them in their misery and the scary.
Then because I don’t know anyone who has a “real” job, my third reaction was indignant. Like, they can do that to you? How? Who do they think they are?
And then because I am a business person, my fourth reaction was “Wow, when they give you those crappy lists at the SBA of the various supposed pros and cons of being an entrepreneur, they never mention this!”
When you own your own business, no one can fire you.
For me, the number one reason to be self-employed (okay, aside from all the reasons that I can’t function in an actual “job”) has always been that the whole “I can go anywhere and be anywhere” thing.
My gentleman friend and I are both self-employed. We both need nothing more than a laptop and an internet connection to earn a living. My duck doesn’t really care where we are.
So if I ever want to move back to Berlin (and I kind of do), I can. We both speak German and even though my duck hates the winter, it’s still do-able.
If I ever want to move back to Tel Aviv (and I don’t really but I think about it a lot), also not a problem. It might take a bit of convincing the gentleman friend but it’s really all about the food.
(There will be jachnun. There will be shakshuka. There will be decent hummus for goodness sake. Honestly? He doesn’t stand a chance.)
And no one can make you move.
While I was busy thinking about jachnun, the real point never occurred to me: the great thing about self-employment is that no one can make you leave.
I’d been so obsessed with the freedom of being able to pick up and go that I hadn’t even considered the freedom of being able to stay as long as you want.
And that is a big freaking deal too.
If I want to make Portland my home for good, no one can stop me.
Job security? I make my own job security.
All of my clients and students and internet-friends who have “real” jobs but hate them are always telling me about how frightened they are of giving up job security.
And yeah, I get the scary. It is scary. Absolutely. I started this thing with nothing and it was completely terrifying.
And at the same time, I don’t think it’s really about job security. I don’t think it can be about job security.
Because when I look at myself and my other friends who are self-employed, we know that we’re not giving up job security.
We’re creating it.
Security is about skills, coping abilities and your relationship with yourself.
You know what? I could lose The Fluent Self tomorrow and start a whole new thing. Not that this is a likely scenario. Obviously. Things are going great.
But if — tfu tfu tfu — something happened and it wasn’t feasible any more, my pirate ship is flexible. If the world suddenly no longer needed my tree-hugging working on your stuff work, I could regroup. I have the skills and knowledge to do that.
Plus I have a duck.
That’s why the most important things you can do — whether you’re an entrepreneur or you’re working for the man — are:
1. Learn about biggification and how it works
2. Work on destuckifying, so your stuff doesn’t get in the way.
Because then security is something that lives inside of you. It’s something you can access when you need it. You are your own anchor.
And no one can ship you off to Denver and make your neighbors cry.
This post reminded me how ridiculously wrong everyone at the Small Business Association was about what the “pros and cons” of working for yourself are. Let’s talk about that tomorrow because I have opinions!
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Yeah. It used to be that everyone I knew was in the corporate world (imagine my own surprise to discover that SO MANY people do it differently)!
Then, I’d listen as my old corporate pals would talk about fears of being laid off and “losing their security”. And I felt kind of bad for them, because I used to think that way too. But at least I could understand where they were coming from.
Seeing things this way now? That’s real security.
And quite freeing.
All the best!
deb
Deb Owens last blog post..nobody expects the spanish inquisition (releasing expectations)
About the hummus. Do you ever get really upset that the packaged stuff tastes absolutely nothing like hummus is supposed to taste? And that the majority of North Americans think that’s what it is supposed to be like?
Sometimes it makes me want to riot.
Lola Dragons last blog post..I think i can. I think I can…
I wish I had a duck.
I have lots of ducks. My family decided years ago that I was a collector of ducks. Big ones, fancy ones, badly carved ‘folk’ ones, and some came from China. Now that I think about it, it may have been a Chinese duck that started the whole thing. A book about a brave Chinese duck was my daughter’s favorite thing for several months. In first grade, she bought me my first duck and the collection has grown from that.
But I don’t have a duck the way you have a duck.
I’m thinking my duck may not be a duck.
But I don’t know what it may be. It will find me, when I can use it, I’m sure. I’m hoping it’s not a ’66 Cadillac. My garage is too small.
Havi and Selma,
Thank you.
Really.
christy
christys last blog post..Boundaries – and Communicating Them
“Security is about skills, coping abilities and your relationship with yourself.”
Yes! I love the fact that we (with the help of our pirate crews) create businesses that allow us to show up fully, to be ourselves, and to be creators, not just consumers, of our world.
Thanks for this inspiring post. It’s lovely to hear you say that you now have the freedom to stay put, if you want to! 🙂
Love, Hiro
Hiro Bogas last blog post..Swimming In the Sea of Story
Um… Huh. I don’t think I’m quite ready for this bit yet! I have a job, I… don’t hate my job, but don’t love it, and I sort of hate that it has to be there because I have to do boring stuff like pay rent and eat. And I don’t trust myself yet to do the writing work that would mean I could give up the job and earn money from that instead.
So that’s the internal security thing you were just talking about, I guess!
I’m. Yes. This will take some processing. Thank you. 🙂
Lucy Viret (aka randomling)s last blog post..Falling in love. Long term relationships. (But because it’s me, not in the normal way.)
“Work on destuckifying, so your stuff doesn’t get in the way.”
For me, the times I believe that working for the man is more secure than working for myself are when my stuff is coming up, and there’s something I need to work on.
Because working for the man is familiar. And working for myself is new and scary.
But, regardless of how it all turns out, being my own anchor is a wonderful thing. How can you go wrong with that?
Security is something you need enough to get up and make your own. You’re a security brewmaster! Cheers!
Sounds like the emergency vacation was just what you needed. Good job turning the ship before you hit the rocks, instead of after. I salute ye.
Shannon Bowmans last blog post..Corn and Miso Soup
Like Lucy, I have a job – don’t hate it, but don’t love it. And if I don’t figure out my thing, I’ll be sitting in a cubicle when I’m 90. So, thank you Havi — it’s just inspired to consider self-employment in terms of making your own job security. I had never thought about it that way.
Terrific post and I do agree. However, don’t underestimate your talent, skills and fabulous will power that have enabled you to come thus far… Creating your own job security is a lengthy process that holds many disappointments as well as some joy along the way.
Avitals last blog post..Will Be Back Soon
I’m midway between the “Ohmygod-scary-I-can’t-possibly-lose-my-JOB!!!” and the “Dammit-I-can’t-stand-being-trapped-this-way-any-longer” points of view. Definitely moving toward the latter. But I feel like I’m walking a tightrope between the two, and my balance isn’t very good.
I’ll say one thing, though. It’s making a WORLD of difference that I’m exposing myself to people who are doing the whole self-employment/entrepreneurial thing. It’s teaching me that it’s actually *possible.* I never had that modeled for me before.
Scary…AND kind of exciting!
Michelle Russells last blog post..Celebrating the Cracks and Crevices
Ay, the houmous. Why is there no decent houmous in the US? Noone can even *say* houmous, they all say ‘hum-us’.
I missed houmous so badly. And lamb. And while I’m on the subject of lamb; dear Americans, shepherd’s pie is not made with beef. It’s made with lamb. That’s why it’s called a *shepherd’s* pie. If it’s made with beef, it’s a *cottage* pie. ‘k?
And now I’m really hungry.
Kates last blog post..Brida
Havi,
Thanks for the post..it just re-confirmed some things floating around in my head and the actions I am working on. 🙂
Aimers
Amy Mommaertss last blog post..Monday check in: June 1, 2009 – summer, lemons, painting, and party edition
Yeah, I’m pulling out the same take-home line as Hiro: “Security is about skills, coping abilities and your relationship with yourself” — ahhhh, big sigh.
Also, I’m thinking that so many of the wonderful comments on your blog could pretty much be the start of beautiful blog entries in and of themselves by their author! A-hem, Walt, for one! 😉
Happy vacation week, with or without meltdown… all good. All love–
Heidi Fischbachs last blog post..Wearing less. Like a skimpy, sexy dress.
My second year of being self-employed is vastly different from the first.
Having left one of those corporate jobs where they do things like make you move to Denver (how about LA to NYC to DC in less than two years?), the first year was pretty scary. I was still stuck in a lot of old patterns I had gathered in four years of wearing a tie and making sure my boss was happy at all times (because it sure wasn’t about our clients).
Now there are these almost daily shifts in thinking where it just keeps making more sense to be doing this.
We are by no means amassing huge sums of wealth here. We live simply but we love that lifestyle anyway, so… bonus.
Have laptop, will travel.
Sparky Firepantss last blog post..I’m so excited, I just peed Pixels.
Funny, GM filed for bankruptcy today.
“Job Security” is a myth. A company can fire you at any time for any reason. If they don’t fire you, companies are always in flux and your coworkers or job could change under your feet into something intolerable.
What most people mean when they say they want job security is that they: A) don’t want to have to think about where their money comes from, B) want to be able to hide in an organization and so they don’t have to try or take responsibility, and C) they fell into a career and they don’t know what they were put on Earth to do and are too afraid to find out.
As with anything else, day jobs are fine as long as you don’t get attached.
Nathan Bowerss last blog post..Friday Screenshots of Doom: “Facebook is Evil” Edition
I just want to say ‘thank you’. I needed this. I’ve spent a few sleepless nights recently playing the ‘what if’ game in my head. What if another client has a business meltdown and no longer needs my services? What if it happens to more than one client? I’ve come up with enough horrible scenarios to make me want to pull the covers up over my head in fear. You just effectively answered all of my ‘What if’s’ with the following words:
Because when I look at myself and my other friends who are self-employed, we know that we’re not giving up job security.
We’re creating it.
Again, Thank You.
My father changed jobs several times in his career because his employer (various levels of government) wanted to move him somewhere else and he said “no way!”
I had a hard enough time when my last job-job moved from downtown Toronto out to the ‘burbs.
I have no worries about the small-business thing because as long as I don’t move to an English-speaking country (and really don’t see myself doing so), I always have the marketable skill of teaching English.
That plus (what feels like) the other one hundred and twenty-three small income sources allows me to go (or not go) anywhere I want!
Enjoy the rest of your emergency holiday.
Alex Fayle | Someday Syndromes last blog post..The Physical Toll of Perfectionism: Emma Newman Interview
Hi sweetie,
Hope that you are having a FANTABULOUS time on your emergency vacation
( another thing that you can TOTALLY DO if you have your own biz….. uh, I mean pirate ship.)
I too am essentially unemployable and have only experienced working for myself, (outside of one brief ill advised stint as a bookkeeper for goddesses sake ( don’t ask me WHAT I was thinking.) I was fired, with a great sense of relief, after 3 months) so I don’t really have a direct experience of the supposed security benefits of working for someone else. But my husband has only worked for corporations and when we first got together he worried some about what he perceived as my vulnerability as a self employed person.
After a couple of years ( and a few rounds of layoffs) he said to me something along the same lines of what you are referring to here, which is that I was in a MUCH MORE stable position by having my own business, and the skills to run my own business, than he could ever be!
It’s our happy little secret as queens of our ships and our hearts and our finances and our freedom.
Love you tons and tons,
Chris
chris zydels last blog post..Creative Miracle Grow: The Crazy Wonderfulness That Can Happen When Someone Believes In YOU!
I have thought something similar about job security for a while now. And even if you still do “jobs” instead of self-employment, the only security you have comes from teh same place — your skills and the ability to mobilize them to earn a living.
Seems to me that the insecure people are the people with jobs because they have so little control over whether the company will continue to employ them to use those skills.
JoVEs last blog post..From Conference Presentation to Journal Article
@Shannon – Security Brewmaster! That is fantastic. Totally made me laugh.
@Nathan – you, my friend, are completely right. As always. I should really just have you write this thing. You are the most succinct summer-upper of everything that is true.
@Lola Dragon, Kate and everyone else who is with me on the hummus thing – yes, I will complain about this with you whenever you like. 🙂
You guys are marvelous. Thanks for making my mini-check-in from Emergency Vacation mode so much fun!
That is one of the reasons (among many others) why I’m happy to be self-employed, and won’t go back to having a job. I can be wherever I want, and I can choose the direction the ship will take. Now to work on my destuckification, and on biggifying what I’m already doing and the new direction I want my ship to take…
Josianes last blog post..Exposing some flesh
I think you have a direct connection to the global consciousness or something because I was just thinking about this the other day. I know everyone says that each time you write a post, so nothing new!
Anyway, I was thinking how great it was to have freedom and how I need to appreciate that more. It’s something that you can only make for yourself because it comes from the inside, not the outside. I get scared and freak out every other day too, but then I wake up the next day and think about how awesome it is to be self-employed and do my own thing.
You may have to make a lot of sacrifices, but making your own security and freedom is totally worth fighting for. Plus you get to connect with and help nice people you like every day, which is pretty darn awesome in itself.
Naomi Niless last blog post..Planning Your Website – Preparing Your RFP Doc
First time commenter – long time reader :)! Love this post — totally wish I could go on an emergency vacation this week. Technically, I’m self-employed; however, in order to create that thing called security, I’m also a graduate student. So I’ve totally taken away a ton of the benefits of being self-employed (e.g., emergency vacation) and am so jealous of those who haven’t! Enjoy!!
Carolyns last blog post..Creating A Beautiful Ripple Effect – Got Tips?
I couldn’t have said it better myself. I am a self employed housekeeper and I’m taking some hits due to the economy and my friends are telling me “get a real job” what like I don’t work??? I work harder than most people I know…. Thanks for all you write. I’m either laughing or crying with you.
We had a reorganization at work and I wasn’t sure I’d still have a job. I do, in a different department (my old department no longer exists), and it’s actually a lot less stressful and I have the same salary, but I don’t actually have a job title yet, which is kind of weird. I know if I did lose my job I’d work on my business full time and enjoy that a lot more, but then I wouldn’t have health insurance, and with a chronic condition, I’d be hosed.
You reminded me of what a crapshoot neighbors are. I had an upstairs neighbor who couldn’t be bothered to take his dog outside, so he’d just let it out on the balcony. I couldn’t use my balcony at all since I didn’t want to get peed on. Gross!
Riins last blog post..Oh. My.
This is *exactly* the reason I’m reading your entire archive and everything I can get my hands on over on ittybiz.com and doing Shiva Nata and TAT and EFT and and and … although I still have *no earthly idea* what it is I’m going to be doing, I am pretty darn sure that all this will lead to something good.
Oh the other hand …
My darling husband (I’m being sincere there) has been self-employed for over 11 years and hasn’t had much work to speak of for months, and we’re on the verge of foreclosure. We live near Denver (oddly enough) in a smallish town and in a neighborhood we absolutely love, and we don’t want to have to leave either. I have been gently placing your blog, ittybiz, etc. etc. in front of him whenever I can find an excuse, (and he likes them) and he’s doing a lot of work on biggifying and destuckification, too. Including finally building a website.
But I keep coming back to my basic belief that security of any kind is illusory, and yet we humans function *so* much better with at least some *sense* of security, so it has to come from within. But I’m not there yet, and neither is DH. I believe I’ll get there, I’m pretty sure he will … but sometimes I have to wonder if I’m just delusional!
Oooh, that was a lot longer than I thought it was going to be when I started … but really, most of the time I’m in “this is leading to something good”.
Anna-Lizas last blog post..Pollyanna Leaves a Lover
Wow. I am really going to have to sit with this one for a while. And I’ve run my own business for 5 years!
Also need to figure out how not to be a slave to my own creation. Yes, must do this.
I’m glad I read this even though the title made no sense to me!
This is why I love being self-employed too. It is so amazingly liberating!! I could not even have imagined how deep this goes and feels while I was still working for da MAN. And I can’t function in a “real” job either. I become physically ill–nausea, fever, headaches, and so on. Not to mention that I’m wearing mismatched socks *right now*.
It’s so great to find someone who sympathizes. I’m always taking away awesome stuff from your posts. Thanks, Havi!
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