I still can’t meditate (because of the jackhammers) and it’s kind of driving me crazy.
But in the meantime I’m replacing my usual morning practices and general Havi-wackiness with … answering questions.
Questions I ask myself. It helps me focus.
And today I’m using Jen Louden’s beautiful Life Organizer questions — the ones she’s been sharing in her Monday posts lately.
So I thought I’d put them here so — if you want — you guys can play too.
Normally I’d do five minutes of Dance of Shiva first to clear out my brain and shake loose some new understandings, but I’m in a crowded Berlin cafe in at the moment and that probably wouldn’t go over too well.
Yallah. Let’s do this.
“What is the relationship between health and self-love for me right now?”
Okay, a little linguistic backtracking before I can answer this one.
I’m not such a big fan of the phrase self-love (though the concept is pretty flipping awesome) just because it tends to set off my shoulds, which really stresses me out.
It’s just too easy for me to go straight into oh god now I have to love myself too in addition to all the other things I can’t do?!
So my personal translation for this concept is “liking myself anyway”.
And then it’s way easier for me to start with something like this:
Okay, is it possible that even though things are really hard right now, there is still some part of me that can like myself anyway? Maybe? A little?
And if not, can letting myself be where I am be a part of this whole kindness thing — as long as I don’t force myself into more kindness than I can stand?
And that usually eventually leads me back to the place where I can start feeling loving towards myself.
But yes, self-love and health: the connection. It’s there. I mean, oh, chicken egg chicken egg chicken egg. Chicken.
Each one gets you closer to the other one.
And when one of them is hurting, the other one is hurting.
For me, when I’m paying attention to one, stuff is going to go better with the other. It almost doesn’t matter which one I choose to spend time with, as long as it’s one of them.
“How could self-kindness could help me love myself more in relationship to money?
Oh. Being patient with myself would feel really kind right now.
Not having to solve all my problems at once feels really good. Permission to take a little more time even when my urgent! urgent! urgent! patterns show up … that would be nice.
Remembering that there are many different forms of support available to me (at least in theory) is pretty great too.
Saying no to things that don’t serve me is also really helpful (even when it’s scary).
Actually, I have been saying no to almost all interview requests, which is totally good for me.
But it means I have to have another conversation each time with that part of me who thinks I’m an idiot.
You know, this one:
“Oh-no-oh-no this is awful! You can’t do this. You can’t say no to these people. You’re going to end up on the street if you don’t use the biggification opportunities that you’ve been given.
So what if these opportunities aren’t in “alignment” with what’s in your heart?! What does that even mean, you stupid hippie? Do you want to be poor again? Do you want it to be like then?
So yeah. Lots of talking to fear and to walls.
But the kindness thing is good for that too.
“What resources do I want to call in this week to embody a dream, take good care of myself, or let go of something I no longer want to do?”
The qualities I want are: sovereignty, lightness, support and … my canopy of peace.
And the mind-bending transformative effects of Shiva Nata. Yes.
And my allies: they know who they are.
“What does it mean for me to be healthy?”
It means I trust myself fully and completely.
I check in with my body. It trusts me not to push it too far and I trust it to give me a clear yes or no on things. We laugh together.
It’s taking time. It’s not needing to remind myself to breathe.
It’s kindness. It’s forgiveness. It’s long walks in the park when I can … and hiding under blankets when I can’t.
It’s being genuinely curious about what I need in a given moment, and then doing what I can to meet those needs in the most patient way possible.
And if that means the answer in that moment is a cheesy 70s caper movie and a glass of bourbon? So be it.
It means letting at least part of me be appreciative of what is working, even as I allow another part of me to mourn the loss in everything that isn’t.
“I’m itching to:”
Oh! To get my schedule up for the coming year.
To make a bunch of website changes.
To announce some big things that are coming up.
To have a proper night’s sleep.
To move forward on the Next Big Thing.
That’s it.
It totally helps.
(Thanks, Jen! You rock.)
Each time I’m baffled (again!) by just how much relief I get from answering questions.
Even if the answers aren’t especially interesting to me while I’m writing them.
It’s as if the process of stopping what I’m doing long enough to interact with what’s being asked is enough.
It’s enough to give me just enough distance from my stuff to get closer to myself again.
Ooh! Do you want to play?
Yay. Play with me!
You absolutely don’t have to answer all of Jen’s questions, of course. But maybe one of them? Two of them?
Or another question altogether? Only if you feel like it.
If you like, you can share what showed up for you in the comments bit.
And, as always, the reminder that yeah, we’re all working on our stuff and we try not to step on anyone else’s.
Follow
Those are some great questions!
“What is the relationship between health and self-love for me right now?”
I am getting kinder to and more accepting of myself, getting to know my boundaries but not guarding them very well yet. My body immediately shows me when I am crossing my boundaries, mostly by lower energy levels, the way my skin looks and stucknesses in the neck/shoulder area. Or maybe I start doing things that are physically unhealthy when the self-love is going downhill, a kind of self-sabotage? Chicken, egg, indeed. I don’t always know what the exact emotional/psychological stuck is, but I know how to reduce the stress to workable levels. I have this shimmering fear that if I’m not working on the right issues, I will just keep getting harder-to-deal-with physical suck thrown at me until I learn.
“What does it mean for me to be healthy?”
Being healthy means that everything is going more smoothly, that all the stars are aligned. It is a sense of security that my body will not fail me or get in my way.
“I’m itching to:”
Finish the PhD and move on to my right kind of money-making activity, whatever that will turn out to be.
O, and I forgot to say THANK YOU for the great workshop last Saturday! I had a great time and some triggers were pulled to work on. I’m sorry I couldn’t make it on Sunday, some things got in the way of that. My stuff, definitely not your stuff. Hopefully I can join some more Shiva Nata with you in the future!
I’m doing pretty well on the self-love front these days but reading this, I just completely got the sense that despite a terribly packed, huge, busy day….I really need to go to yoga. (Not just do it. Not just here. But go. Take the time, be with cool people.)
And since we’re talking self-love, I think I’ll listen to that little inner voice.
Thanks!!
All the best!
deb
.-= Deb Owen´s last blog ..about the day i tried to kill my brother (getting strong in the broken places) =-.
Havi, thank you for sharing your process of self-inquiry and your answers to Jen’s wise questions.
? What is the relationship between health and self-love for me right now?
As always, the foundation of everything in my life is my relationship with myself. When I’m in right and harmonious relationship with myself, all my other relationships–including relationships with family, friends, business, work, Nature, and the earth–mirror this inner alignment. When things aren’t going well in my external relationships, I know something needs to shift in that first, inner relationship with myself.
So self-love, for me, means listening to all the different parts of myself, taking the time to hear what they have to say, to get a clear picture of what I need and then to act lovingly on my own behalf.
At the moment, I have a great need for rest, quiet, solitude, and inner reflection. When I give myself these things, I feel a sense of wholeness, peace and well-being, which to me are indicators of health.
Love, Hiro
.-= Hiro Boga´s last blog ..Refugees: Remembering 9/11 =-.
I’m not doing well on that biggification stress. I skipped a party this Saturday night because I was feeling dull, which I now fear was a perfect networking event. What if that was my chance to get ahead? What the heck does getting ahead mean and why ever would one night matter.
I just hate the wonder factor of missing out on something, never knowing what doors I could have opened.
Ooooh, this touches sticky points for me.
“What is the relationship between health and self-love?”
Chicken and egg, indeed. For the past few years, I’ve been putting off all that “self love” stuff, thinking I needed to work on my physical health first. I had everything all packed into boxes. Physical health in one box, mental health in the next box. Spiritual health in another box. Emotional health in still another. And for some reason I convinced myself that I could only open one box at a time.
So I spent a couple of years trying to get physically healthy. I focused strictly on eating right and exercising. And it worked on some of the things that I thought needed help with…blood pressure, back pain, weight lost, etc.
Then I went to my doctor, and she was doing her doctor thing, and her brow furrowed and she said “you’re totally lumpy, and I have no way of knowing what it’s all about.”
Long story short: 99 percent sure it’s OK (though regular follow-up is needed now), but I was in total freakout mode for about a month.
And it made me realize that the whole self-love side couldn’t just put in another box-to-be-dealt-with-later. I kind of convinced myself that my lumps were symbolic of my not-nurturing myself.
So now I’m kind of trying to reevaluate all of that, and all the boxes are open at once again. Which is WAAAAYYY better. I don’t feel so much like a robot now.
So what does it mean to be healthy? Letting myself open all the boxes, and finding a balance between working on stuff and letting it be, between moving forward actively, and sitting back and letting things flow. Still working on it, but it’s getting better.
.-= Emily´s last blog ..The Sun Also Rises on My Preconceptions =-.
What does it mean for me to be healthy?
My ex used to accuse me of having a “strange” relationship with my body: I treated it as separate from me, like a pet I have to take care of.
Because it does strange things sometimes, and I’m left scratching my head wondering what it needs now. Why all the headaches? Why the tired and the blah? Why the huge resistance to exercise (and then that odd euphoric feeling afterward)?
For me to be healthy I think it’s finding that balance between doing what I know my body needs (even when it resists) and letting my body dictate what it wants (like taking a nap).
.-= Barbara J Carter´s last blog ..Baby Lizard =-.
Oohhh, questions. I’ve found the same thing, Havi, that sometimes questions open doors you didn’t even know were there. It’s wierd. But a wonderful kind of wierd.
The balance between health and self-love? For me right now, it’s about not being driven crazy by the voices in my head that are constantly telling me that I should be doing something else, no matter what I’m doing right now. I have so many things I need to do, plus a whole lot I want to do, and plenty of things I feel I should do, and I get pulled in so many directions I feel like I’m coming apart at the seams. And the thing is that when I feel like this, I can’t do anything well, can’t seem to finish anything, which just makes the problem worse.
So, self-love. Letting go of all the should’s, and the thoughts about what else needs doing, what else I should be doing, and let myself be right here, right now, doing what I’m doing. Trusting that if I focus on what I’m doing, then let it go and move on to the next thing, all will be done in good time.
Yes, trust. Gah, that’s hard. But still, trust, let go. Seams ripping and stuffing flying is not a good thing. I don’t want to go there anymore.
‘Interrogation’ sounds so harsh. I prefer ‘inquiry’. 🙂
Anyway, I am going to ponder these questions and write the answers out by hand, somewhere. I love questions like these. I love questions period.
Self-love..also a phrase that has eluded and baffled me for some time, but makes me suspect it has something to do with the truth beneath the stories. As in, “Ah! There I am!”
.-= Gina´s last blog ..The Anal Retentive Meridian =-.
Hey guys …
@Gina – ah, that’s what happens when I can’t come up with a title and make my gentleman friend do it! Inquiry is much less harsh than interrogation. Though it did kind of feel like interrogation at the time. 🙂
@Emily – with you on the boxes. That’s super interesting.
@Lydia – yeah, I know that dialogue too. Man. I don’t know what to say other than that it’s so hard while it’s happening, even when you know there are always more doors.
@Hiro – oh! Rest, quiet, solitude. Yes, all of that sounds pretty perfect. *breathes sigh of relief*
I love Jen’s Life Organizer. I used it for nearly a year, answering questions on Sundays. It set a wonderful tone for the week. They recycle every year, too, so I can start back in whenever I want. I’ll always have different answers, and the questions, while they’re the same in print, seem to morph right under your very eyes sometimes! I’ll start to answer a question, and something completely unexpected pours out of me, something I didn’t think would be the answer.
I guess what comes out is called the Truth.
So I’ll play, too. “What is the relationship between health and self-love for me right now?” This is a very good question at this point in my life.
Well, my anxiety level is pretty high, and I’m having some yucky headaches and lower back pain from said anxiety. There have been a few major shake-ups in my life, and I’m struggling to ride alongside them. One thing that helps cope with stress is eating well and exercising. Right now that relationship is starting to resume, after having suffered some communication break-downs. It’s feeling good to be back in sync.
.-= Dawn´s last blog ..Feeling Defensive =-.
“What is the relationship between health and self-love for me right now?”
I am SO STUCK in this. Mired, even. I’ve been working with Goddess Leonie, and on Sunday she said, “Earth things will be hard for you, my little fire/water girl.” So now I’m taking it easier and listening and breathing. Tomorrow, I’m setting up crystal grids and a big circle outside in the grass where I can sit and breathe and be still.
Oy. I feel like I’m trapped in this cycle of “I have to love myself to get through this, but I want to get through this RIGHT NOW THIS MINUTE and to hells with the love!” Like, a lotus flower and a… oh, I don’t know… something less pretty and calming. A whip. Yeah.
So I’m working on slowing down. Loving myself anyway. Remembering that earthy changes are the slow ones. Loving myself some more.
Thanks for asking. (:
.-= Kyeli´s last blog ..Slowing down: a cure for road rage =-.
Havi, thanks so much for this post. I’ve been nursing one daughter through a bout of the flu, and am now nursing myself through a bout of the flu, and I am going to go through the health questions just as soon as I feel well enough!
Great timing of this blog entry. Completely overrun by work and doctoral program deadlines.
“what resources……” need to just go ahead and use 3 days of vacation next week and the day after to help make the time to give my body so badly needed rest as well as make a dent on the doctoral work. I have a very competent student worker that can cover for me so I just have to let go my need to control most everything and step back.
Thanks for this. I needed this nudge!!!!
P.s. Typing on my iPod does nothing good for my grammar!!