Personal ads! They’re … personal! Very.
So my itty bitty personal ads made me realize that it’s time to make a regular practice of trying to feel okay asking for stuff.
Even when the asking thing feels weird and conflicted.
Ever since I posted the first one asking my perfect house to find me, which united me with Hoppy House, I have been a fan of the madness that is personal ads.
And now it’s my weekly ritual. Yay, ritual!
Let’s do it!
Thing 1: more like thirty-something things …
Here’s what I want:
So Jolie was telling me about this thing she does for her birthday.
She comes up with a list of things she wants to see/accomplish/experience that year. As many things as her age.
I thought no no no not for me. But now I want a list. Because if I wait until my birthday I won’t be able to come up with anything.
And I want it to be longer than:
1. Go rollerskating at that one place where the old lady plays the organ.
2. Go to Edinburgh.
Actually, thirty-five things would be good because then I can leave a couple for the next year and not feel bad about it.
Here’s how I want to get them:
Stuff could just occur to me.
I could remember things I used to long for, long forgotten.
Something could remind me.
My commitment.
I will try to maintain a general … uh, playfulness about this. And not let it set off my stuff about how I dislike having “goals”.
Thing 2: to be way less stressed out about work.
Here’s what I want:
It’s weird. When I was on Extremely Necessary Vacation, I was barely working at all.
I’d just hop online occasionally to make sure that things were still running.
And it was completely non-stressful. I was sure I’d be able to bring some of that with me as I transitioned back into non-vacation-life. And it’s not happening.
Even on days when I work very little, that steady buzzing, humming, whirring, ticking work-work-work-work-work-work bug is in my head.
And I worry things to death.
Here’s how I want this to work:
I will keep noticing when my stress patterns are showing up so that I can talk to them. I will be gentle with myself.
As always, will do my best to practice patience, even when it’s hard to be patient. I will be patient with my lack of patience
I will set clear boundaries. I will let people know that I do not want advice on this.
My commitment.
To keep up with my practice of turning off airport when I’m done with a chunk of work so I can’t automatically access the internets.
To not work from my phone.
To use wacky rituals to create a clear, clean container for work-time.
To do what I can to figure out what exactly triggers the hard for me in different situations.
To make this part of my sovereignty practice.
Thing 3: Marissa has an opening for a Right Person or two.
You guys know Marissa, right? If you’ve ever tried to email me, you do. Because she’s my fabulous First Mate who answers all my email and is way nicer than I am.
She’s usually booked solid, but I happen to know that right now she actually has an opening for someone fun who needs a Can-Do-Ologist. Which is like a VA, but infinitely cooler.
She’s kooky. She’s wonderful. She’s terrifically efficient and competent and clear-headed and all the things you need an assistant to be.
Just, you know, don’t take up too much of her time, because I need her!
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
Ahhhh. Last time I was in search of the zing — particularly in reference to a series of blog posts I want to right.
I can’t say I have actual zinginess. But I do feel a lot more comfortable with the idea of writing more specifically about the S-word (sovereignty again, yes?).
And I had my designer do a sweet sketch for an accompanying graphic.
I also asked for a smooth landing from Extremely Necessary Vacation. Which I kind of got and kind of didn’t.
The smooth part was that I had a blast teaching a Kitchen Table class and working with clients. The less smooth part was the stress-iness that showed up at other times, combined with too much computering.
And I had an ask that had to do with maintaining connection with my body. Yes. Going well. I’ve been doing yoga twice a day and going for long walks. And breathing. Lots of breathing. Happy about it. Very.
Comments. Since I’m already asking …
I am adding to my practice of asking for stuff by being more specific about what I would like to receive in the comments. And that way, if you feel like leaving one (you totally don’t have to), you get to be part of this experiment too. 🙂
Here’s what I want (just leave them in the comments):
- Your own personal ads, small or large. Things you’ve asked for. Or are asking for. Or would like to ask for.
What I would rather not have:
- Reality theories.
- Shoulds. As in, “You should be doing it like this” or “That’s not the right way to ask for things — instead it should be like x, y and z”
- To be judged or psychoanalyzed.
My commitment.
I am committing to getting better at asking for things even when asking feels weird. I commit to giving time and thought to the things that people say, and to interact with their ideas and with my own stuff as compassionately and honestly as is possible.
Thanks for doing this with me!
Follow
Pers Ad: Looking to write my obituary every week.
Forty-Something Father of Four is wanting assistance in setting up systems that helps this engineer remember that although day-to-day things can be important, it is more important to remember that the score at the end of life is (probably) more important than whether the dishes are loaded in the dishwasher each evening.
The perfect system would allow me to sit at my mac each evening after the kids are tucked in and would say something like, “So, this day is done. Tomorrow, please list the tiny, infinitesimal, but amazingly important things that you can accomplish by sundown tomorrow that will allow those things – those amazing things – that you hope-upon-hope will be reflected in the obituary that will one day be the lead on the Obit Page of the NYT. Those things that will make you know that your life was not only productive, but well lived, full, well loved, and (not just happy) but joyous. Those things that will have counted as a foundation – a solid foundation – for your kids and for others around you that you love. Those things that prove that time spent here was not only good, but worthwhile.”
Pay inline with experience.
.-= Dave Thurston´s last post … Fly – No Matter What =-.
Thank you, Havi, for offering a sandbox big enough for all of us to play in with our Very Personal Ads! 🙂
I wanted to report on last week’s VPA. I’d asked for clarity and support for creating the program I will be teaching in January. And I received both of these–in spades!–this week. I’ll announce my new program early next week–wildly exciting!
Part of what I’d asked for, too, were the right people to collaborate with, and this week I’ve had some wonderfully interesting offers and invitations.
Yay for the magic of Very Personal Ads!
Thanks so much for creating this space to share our dreams, visions, and very personal ads.
Love, Hiro
Personal Ad: I want to be way less stressed about the home renovations (including the new leak in the roof).
Here’s how I want this to happen:
1. I could find the time and space to free write/journal again. It doesn’t have to be the same time and space I used to have but could be stolen moments from other time and spaces. It does not have to be perfect but “better” would be nice.
2. I could find the new Dance of Shiva dvd that came into the middle of this chaos and start practicing (in some empty room covered with dust and debris.)
3. The rain could stop (all ready!) and I could get out into the woods more with my dog (and away from the chaos).
3. I’m open to other ways the universe may choose to send this to me (including a light at the end of the tunnel).
My committment:
I will be patient and gentle with myself. I will be patient with my meltdowns. I will treat the Man as well and gently and patiently as I treat the stressed out furry critters who live with us. I will remember that he is stressed too.
.-= Bullwinkle´s last post … Yay! So many things to be happy about !!! =-.
I’ve finally started writing my own personal ads – and they’re working! Thank you for the inspiration, Havi 🙂
Wanted: a good, strong headwind.
I have fallen a bit behind on my PhD projects, and I need to make a lot of progress today. I am asking for energy, persistence, and good luck. I’m asking to be able to look back at the end of the day, sigh contentedly, and say, “That was a good day’s work.”
I commit myself to staying in the process, and giving myself the love and encouragement I need to see this through.
Have fun with your thirty-something list, Havi! (Now I’m imagining myself someday becoming the old lady playing organ at the roller derby. Could be, could be…something to look forward to…)
.-= spiralsongkat´s last post … There’s a nap for that. =-.
Last week, I got specific. I asked for the plastic sleeves that hold 35 mm negatives; I had no real luck locally and found them online. With a bit of unexpected luck, they are due to arrive tomorrow.
I also wanted to get a box of negatives I want scanned sent off. Didn’t happen, but I did sort through 6 years of myriad envelopes and list out what frames I want scanned. Also got several questions answered.
Also thought of some ways to keep moving forward with this endeavor during upcoming waiting periods.
This week:
1. White cotton gloves for handling my negatives.
how they could turn up: I could find the ones I already have. Thinking they may be in storage. I know they are in a Walker shortbread tin with other editing suppplies- now if I could just find it! Or someone I live with could come across it.
Or I could find them for purchase somewhere, inexpensive and local. Michael’s? JoAnn’s? Or…?
My commitment: to be patient with myself if I can’t find the ones I own. I know misplacing/losing stuff drives me crazy, but I can think of alternative solutions if need be. It will be ok.
2. To actually get a box of negatives sent for scanning this week.
how this could happen: I could keep up my current momentum. I’ll remember I don’t have to send ALL of them at once & it’s probably better not to. Do another pass of the list of ~150 shots to see which I want scanned at the highest resolution.
My commitment: Patience with myself. I’ll take breaks so my body doesn’t get super stiff. I’ll approach it methodically.
.-= claire´s last post … 38. Grave Peril =-.
I’ve been reading along for a few weeks, and now I’m ready to post my own Very Personal Ad! Thank you for making space for this!
Thing 1: Peace of mind about moving.
I’m moving to two places at the end of the week. I want to know that everything will get done, and have the space for it to happen easily.
How this can happen:
I can remind myself to trust.
I can focus on what I can do right now to keep things moving forward.
I can make time to take care of myself and recognize that doing so helps the process keep happening.
I can let go of wanting to pack perfectly.
I can ask for help.
My commitment:
I will be gentle with myself through this process.
I will bring my yoga book to work and use it on breaks.
If sorting is a source of stress, I’ll just box it up.
Thing 2: To write every day
I have new projects that need a lot of writing. That means someone has to do it. Someone like me.
How this could work:
I could add writing time to my calendar and/or daily or weekly routines.
I could try writing offline or moving physically away from my usual desks.
I could create wacky ritual to support writing time.
I could make a non-stress-inducing writing calendar so I block time for the right projects.
I could get an inspiration for a new idea of how it could work.
My commitment:
I will sketch out roughly how much needs to be written for each project each week.
I will listen to my creative self about what kind of time and how much feels like it supports my best work for these projects.
I will make sure my new space has a good physical place to write.
.-= Sarah´s last post … The point of practice =-.
Dislike of goals. Yeah. I am noticing a deep vulnerability around admitting and asking for what I really want. Lots of stuff around deserving, and self-judgment, and “if I haven’t gotten it yet maybe I should quit asking.”
But. I am asking anyway. (Thanks for the space for that.)
I am asking for an ideal housemate. Someone who wants a peaceful, comfortable, gluten-free, fragrance-free home, and we fit together so well that we keep thinking how lucky we are to have found this living arrangement.
Full details here: http://portland.craigslist.org/mlt/roo/1427058257.html
Someone could find the craigslist ad, or someone reading here could realize they’d be a great fit, or I could meet someone in person. I could also receive suggestions of specific gluten-free or fragrance-free forums to post the ad.
My commitments:
* I will pay very close attention to my gut feelings around potential housemates, and I will not say yes unless it truly feels right.
* I will be very gentle with my vulnerable feelings around this, and be open to shifts and new realizations there.
* I will continue to honor my needs and communicate clearly about them, so potential housemate and I have the best chance of success.
Sonia Connolly’s latest article Haunted by Shame? Change Your Committee!
Ahhh, less stress at work is what I need too. I’ve been working on this by taking breaks more often.
My own personal ad. Start making serious money from my business. I’m ready to do it, but need to get the products out there. So I guess it’s finishing the concepts that I already have brewing. Hopefully people find them really helpful that they can’t resist buying them and gives them a ton of value.
.-= Karl Staib – Work Happy Now´s last post … Hard, Fun, and the Beautiful – Before it Gets Cold Edition =-.
Yeah! These are great ads. Clean, clear, beautiful asks. Love them.
@Karl – excellent! I know people will really benefit from your stuff.
Wishing all of you peace of mind and crazy support with this. It’s so amazing to read everyone’s stuff!
Found the dvd! Thank you, Havi, for creating this space and being here. (I feel a bit smug – I knew it would work if I asked for it here. Knew it – as in that inner secure totally solid feeling there’s no doubt in your mind or body, it just “is” feeling.)
Off to Dance …
.-= Bullwinkle´s last post … Wildlife =-.
I wish you all good success with your own personal ads. 🙂
Update on mine:
I’ve made some progress on the design itself – mainly i narrowed down colorscheme and stuff. It’s going slow but there’s progress. I nearly completly lost the connection to the now, though. Head Cold + Need to be distracted = No Wu Wei for me last week. Yeugh.
Want:
I need to stop putting on weight, please! I’m already in “causing illness” territory and I’m still growing heavier. But hormone and healthwise I’m okay, so it’s not that. Mainly I’m just eating to much. But nothing I did to so far (and I’ve been struggling with YEARS) to deal with this. I need help.
How to:
Maybe I could figure out how to be hungry all the time. Maybe I could find out and deal with the reasons behing my constant over-eating. Or something happens that gives me a idea. I might stumble about something that works.
My commitment:
I’ll do 30 min Sport each day. I keep an open mind. I’ll do my best to learn the lessons that are in this situation.
.-= Carina (@chalcara)´s last post … Free Fonts! =-.
Ooh, I like that thing with the birthday list. Mine’s coming up in a few weeks too. Hmmm…
This week, I am advertising for focus and clarity.
What I want
To stop whirling and bouncing between all the OMGINCREDIBLYURGENTWHYHAVEN’TYOUDONETHISALREADY tasks in my head, each of which hurls abuse and screams reproaches at me whenever I swing near enough to hear. Instead, to have the clarity to recognise my actual most important immediate goals, and the focus to tackle them.
How it could happen
* I could experience some kind of internal shift. I don’t know how better to describe that, but I have a feeling it’s not far off, if I could just reach it.
* I could have a stroke of luck that helped me get one of the big screaming tasks done, and that could turn out to be unexpectedly crucial to the bigger picture, which would give me confidence to do more, in a domino effect stylee.
* Something could happen on the sleep/rest front (subject of previous Personal Ads; not much progress to report), which would dissipate the mental haze I live in for long enough to show me what I should be paying attention to.
* Some other way. I’m not fussy.
What I don’t want
To live like this for the rest of my life.
My commitment
To seize the opportunities presented.
.-= Lean Ni Chuilleanain´s last post … Sunday Stash, no. 4 =-.
Sending good thoughts for everyone’s personal ads to be answered in the best way possible 🙂
Update on past ads:
I sold two more pieces from my Etsy, which will help with the food/bills. Yay!
Working in the studio went incredibly easy on the days I asked for help with that.
Still ISO the best way to license my work. And making more work in the interim.
This week, what I want:
More time in the studio.
How this could happen:
I could make it a priority. This isn’t just some “lazy” effort, it is helping to support my family. And the work makes people smile. Making it makes me smile. Win/win.
My commitment:
To bring love. To be gentle with my stuck. To trust the process.
.-= Andi´s last post … Taking the Leap =-.
What I want?
Inner calm, being able to wind down when my holiday starts, stop worrying about everything, get rid of the dark circles under my eyes.
How it could happen?
The change of place could bring it about despite the fact that we will be in 5 different places within 8 days. I could get lots of fresh air everyday and do fit in some meditation.
My commitment?
To take every day as it comes and enjoy it. Not to worry about money matters. To look after myself and my needs also while staying at friends’ and relatives’ places.
Oh! Oh! Oh! It’s not in Personal Ad form yet, and maybe it will never be, but I found a Very Interesting Pattern in my work life.
Sometimes I get Stuck because: I get ripped off. It’s the really sweet, stable client at a good company who decides to put my invoice on perpetual hold. The friend I busted my chops for who doesn’t come through when it’s their turn. Stuff like that.
It triggers Stuckness because, I guess, not getting a fair exchange is a huge demotivator. “If I’m going to work, or not work, and not get paid either way,” the logic goes, “Why work?” Which is of course the path to getting nothing done.
But I found a cool way out of the pattern: cooking.
Cooking never rips you off. If you use the right ingredients and follow the recipe properly, you’ll get something fairly decent and edible in the end. I made some delicious (although slightly soggy) sweet potato pie a week ago, and burn-your-stomach-lining hot pepper soup a couple of days ago, and will do something lovely with beets and walnuts tonight.
And you know what? I’m unstuck, and I’m getting lots of yummy food in the bargain.
Okay, time to work some more. Then soup.
.-= Mark W. “Extra Crispy” Schumann´s last post … Programming with Access? Know this about JOIN. =-.
@Mark – wow. Huge realization. That totally makes sense.
And I just want to say that I am sitting with you in the hard. Because I absolutely get that you would be feeling really vulnerable and frustrated and upset when you do your part in something and the other person leaves you hanging.
Good luck figuring out what your ask is around this.
–> Ignore if this is too much like “advice”…
My guess is that it’s going to involve stuff “in the hard” (how is this a design problem? what systems and structures might ensure that this can’t happen?) as well as a lot of stuff “in the soft” (what do I need to feel safe? what part of me needs acknowledgment?)
Soup sounds good, though.
Sending you all so much love for your ads.
Okay. My turn. Wow. Been working up to this all morning.
* I’d like some inner strength and some serious bravery to keep writing this v.p.a. Never done one of these before.
* I’d love some clarity about what it is that I truly need right now and to be okay asking for it.
* I just read one of your posts, Havi, about the people in your life who believed in you no matter what. *Gigantic heart swells* I love stories like that. I was nearly brought to tears by the part of your post where you talked about how your gentlemen friend believed in you and your business *no matter what*. I would very much like some of those, please. Or I would like the World to shine on the people in my life who are already providing unconditional support and encouragement so that I can see it.
* Any methods for getting songs out of your head. It’s been five days. Five days of waking up and going to bed and eating and showering and emailing with THAT SONG running in the background of my brain. And it hurts. And it won’t go away.
* The accompanying peace that comes with strength, bravery, clarity, support, and a more quiet mind.
*Thank you*
What I’m so done with:
Devil’s advocates
Paralyzing perfectionism
My commitment:
To shine the light on myself and my gifts. To continue to be the person who genuinely cares about other people and their paths, but who also greatly values herself and pays attention to her own needs.
Okay, my personal ad right now would be about the type of money coaching clients I really LIKE and want to work with: Wanted: professional women who are ready to heal their relationship to money and are sick and tired of being in a money fog. Ideal candidates must trust me to guide them in a process that sometimes asks them to do what they don’t want to do, and they do it anyways, even if they don’t “get it” for the first two months. Ideal candidate must be willing to devote 5 to 10 minutes each day to this work, between sessions, in the pursuit of radical financial clarity. Tears and whining allowed, but no procrastination.
.-= Mikelann Valterra´s last post … Buying a racy gift in real time =-.
Okay, my personal ad is exactly the same as Mikelann’s – I can’t say it any better. My only differentiation would be that I would like them to be in Auckland, NZ.
I’m sorry for my lack of independent thought but Mikelann is the guru!