Personal ads! They’re … personal! Very.
So my itty bitty personal ads made me realize that it’s time to make a regular practice of trying to feel okay asking for stuff.
Even when the asking thing feels weird and conflicted.
Ever since I posted the first one asking my perfect house to find me, which united me with Hoppy House, I have been a fan of the madness that is personal ads.
And now it’s my weekly ritual. Yay, ritual!
Let’s do it!
Apologies for the title.
Thing 1: Clarity and decision-making and momentum.
Here’s what I want:
I’ve been making all sorts of decisions related to my At The Kitchen Table With Havi & Selma program.
Like the quarterly themes. This past year we did crazy work on our relationship with Money, Space, Time & Love. Which were exactly the right things to spend time on.
My plan is that in 2010 we’ll still be talking about all those things, but with a new theme for each quarter.
Communication, Sovereignty, Systems and Play. AWESOME.
And there are other bits that I know for sure I’m doing or not doing this time around.
But there are so many other things I need to make final decisions on. How small I’m keeping it. How many people get in. If we’re changing the application process.
Anyway, I’m really needing some clear-headedness so that I can sit with these things and make some plans.
Here’s how I want this to work:
I don’t know.
Spaciousness. Deep breaths. Talking to Hiro. And Shiva Nata practice. Taking it on walks. Not taking it anywhere.
Going dancing. A lot.
My commitment.
To keep my attention on finding out what I need to stay grounded and focused.
To be (mostly) kind to myself when things aren’t in flow.
To practice patience (or to be easier on myself for being impatient).
To let the process be the process, and remember that good things will come out of it because that’s how these things work.
To give myself permission to grumble about the stupid stupid process.
Perspective. (Hey, Havi! Remember exactly a year ago when you were going through the exact same thing but you didn’t even have a glimmer yet of what an amazing place was about to be created?).
Thing 2: Posties!
Here’s what I want:
I have crazy amounts of traveling (“amounts” — is that the correct way to measure travel?) coming up.
And I am feeling the need/desire/intention to crank out some blog posts. In advance.
To bring a measure of ease into the travel stuff.
Ways this could work:
I don’t want guest posts. Not negotiable. And I don’t want to take a holiday from posting.
This is really about time and about spaciousness and about focus. And systems, of course!
Obviously I already have a million or so lists of posts-in-progress and ideas-in-progress and so on.
I could also dig up my dusty Ask Havi list.
But I need to first find the most helpful way to destressify around said lists, since they are ridiculously long and overwhelming.
I could come up with a list of Eight Things I want to write about and ignore all my other lists.
I could write some posts for the series on sovereignty.
Something else could solve this in a comfortable, non-stress-ey way.
My commitment.
Meeting myself where I am.
Consciously choosing options that release guilt rather than perpetuating it.
Choose what is easy. Choose what is available. Choose what fits whatever it is that I need most right now.
And I commit to paying attention to my stuff as I work on this.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
I wanted to come up with thirty-something goal-like-things for the upcoming year, without setting off my I-can’t-do-goals stuff. And to stay playful.
Feeling good about this.
For one thing, my gentleman friend took me to the roller rink where the old lady plays the organ! Though we got the times wrong and she wasn’t playing the organ.
But the fact that Thing #1 on my tiny list has already mostly happened totally made me feel better about the whole thing.
So I’m playing with it. It’s good.
The second thing was about being less stressed out at work. Progress: yes. More breaks. More tea. More goofing off. More dancing.
Still working more than I’d like. And still not always noticing when I’m giving myself a huge headache until it’s already there. This one needs to be renewed, I think!
The third thing was Marissa (my wonderful First Mate) finally having an opening for a new client or two. And I totally have not followed up with her on that, so I have no idea.
But will ask!
Comments. Since I’m already asking …
I am adding to my practice of asking for stuff by being more specific about what I would like to receive in the comments. And that way, if you feel like leaving one (you totally don’t have to), you get to be part of this experiment too. 🙂
Here’s what I want (just leave them in the comments):
- Your own personal ads, small or large. Things you’ve asked for. Or are asking for. Or would like to ask for. Or updates on last time!
What I would rather not have:
- Reality theories.
- Shoulds. As in, “You should be doing it like this” or “That’s not the right way to ask for things — instead it should be like x, y and z”
- To be judged or psychoanalyzed.
My commitment.
I am committing to getting better at asking for things even when asking feels weird. I commit to giving time and thought to the things that people say, and to interact with their ideas and with my own stuff as compassionately and honestly as is possible.
Thanks for doing this with me!
Follow
Things I’m asking for:
Focus in my latest Focusiness venture. I’m doing a big launch around Halloween, and I feel like I’ve put all of myself into it. What I’m asking for is the focused calm purposefulness to go through with everything, to put it out there for my right people to find.
Then I’m asking for the cool calm composure to see what happens and not freak out, no matter what. If it’s a huge success, then yay and no freak outs. If it’s a flop, then yay and no freak outs.
How I’m open to this happening:
Taking more breaks, dancing around, sleeping soundly.
Getting some good cheering from my people that will keep me on track.
Thanks, this has been super useful Havi! 🙂
.-= Nathalie Lussier´s last post … Holistic Healing Approach: Heal Yourself With Raw Food =-.
What I’m asking for: Peace, pacing and posties.
I’m mere weeks away from one of my favorite meditation retreats. I need to get clear *now* on how much I can put on my Not Going To Do list vs trying to get it all done, not getting it all done, and burning myself out in the process. I need peace and pacing. Rest. Continuing ascent to good health.
I, too, would love some posties and not of the cereal kind. Well, of the serial kind. (Oh how I amuse myself!) I’m just finding my voice on my blog and pleased with my rhythm of 1 (!) post a week. It would be nice to know that’s still flowing as I’m chanting away in Tibetan in the Arizona desert.
.-= Mahala Mazerov´s last post … A Brief & Beautiful Prayer =-.
Communication, Sovereignty, Systems, and Play sound like fabulous themes for the coming year!
Today, I’m just asking for an inner kernel of calm, to be an eye in the storm of stress. (Yes, I enjoy mixing my metaphors, too.) If that kernel pops its way into a Hot Buttered Epiphany, so much the better. I’ll sneak in a few minutes of Shiva dancing today, as an expression of my commitment and self-care.
Update on the silk pajamas: no, I don’t have them yet, but I’m noticing something very cool: the condition of wanting, not only the pjs but other little luxuries (and some not-so-little luxuries, even) has shifted. It’s not such a deprived feeling anymore. It’s enough, somehow, simply to know what I want, what I like. Simply knowing is a window to seeing and acknowledging my authentic self, and that, in and of itself, is the real gift.
Okay — I’m putting on my invisible silk pajamas, taking a deep breath, and inhabiting the day.
.-= spiralsongkat´s last post … There’s a nap for that. =-.
I’m asking for:
-getting better @ nonviolently communicating w/my mama
-99% less guilt in relationships
-1% less guilt after that, when I’m ready 🙂
-the courage to revel in the abundance I already possess.
Wishing for clarity and focus for everyone who’s asking.
I made a Vision Board collage for my business! http://traumahealed.com/images/VisionBoard2009.jpg I have hesitations about the idea of “make a collage and it will manifest.” At the same time, it was interesting to notice which images caught my eye as I was flipping through magazines, which I saw and later wish I’d added, and which ideas didn’t make it in there at all.
Asking:
The biggest benefit, like these Personal Ads here, is to notice the tangles in me around wanting and wishing and manifesting. This week I’m asking for help in sorting that out and grounding that energy.
How this could happen:
I already received an intense and nurturing Reiki session from Renee Mills. Maybe that was already enough! Maybe I’ll connect with other practitioners that can help me with this. Maybe it will sort itself out simply with my gentle attention. Maybe I’ll learn to be okay with it just the way it is.
My commitments:
To keep noticing, as gently as I know how. To make room for change, without demanding it.
Sonia’s latest article Haunted by Shame? Change Your Committee!
What I’m looking for: the perfect housing solution for my upcoming trip to PDX.
It could be: a rented room in a house, a great deal on a groovy motel, a housesitting situation, a…hey, the universe is smarter than I.
What I’m willing to do: continue the craigslist hunt, be open to wackadoo possibilities I hadn’t thought of, STAY CALM.
(This is fun, the asking. I’ll be back.)
.-= Colleen Wainwright´s last post … Clearing my (psychic) clutter, Day 13: Calendar clutter =-.
This week I’m really wanting a job for Jay. Instead of writing an ad for the perfect job (which he’s not even sure of), we’ve written a personal ad for HIM, the employee.
You can read it here.
.-= Tara´s last post … Fiber Friday – Juxtaposition Edition =-.
I took last week off the asking because I was feeling vague and my Sunday didn’t ever quite make room for it. As an update on previous asks, I’ve had a pretty good stream of money coming in, but it’s just dribs and drabs enough that there’s also a fair amount of anxiety with it. As far as the new schedule is going, I seem to be managing pretty well, though I need to do something different with Wednesday’s hours, because the Networking Lunch Thing (which is first thing in the morning for me) just wipes me out for the day.
What I Want: To fill my cupboards and freezer with some supplies for the winter, like a proper Pooh bear.
How It Could Happen: Some money could come in outside of the normal flow, that I could put toward a big shopping run. Someone could have extra staples they needed a home for. I could have just a little extra so that each time I shop, I get a few extra items. Other ways I haven’t thought of.
My Commitment: To remember this priority next time money does come in. To trust that things will be all right even without it. To use what I have to make delicious awesome things and appreciate them, making room for more.
.-= Amy Crook´s last post … Today I Am Just a Very Small Animal =-.
I’m a little torn as my asks of late kinda feel like voicing a to-do list. However, it’s been helpful, so there’s that.
Update: kept my cool, was methodical, took lots of short breaks, & found some passable cotton gloves for packing up my negatives & getting them shipped off for scanning. More details in my comment on Friday’s Chicken if you’re interested.
This week, I’m throwing out a more external rather than internal ask.
What I want: To find out the name & artist for this song,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rdul1kX4-HE
that begins season 3 episode 9 of Skins, “Katie & Emily,” as aired on BBC-America. (Note the UK aired version has a different soundtrack.)
How it could happen: Someone here might recognize the song or the artist or have another suggestion for how to find it.
I could try my approaches from a couple weeks ago again:
http://tallerthanaveragetales.blogspot.com/2009/10/katie-and-emily-know-song-from-their.html
and have better luck. Maybe someone has posted the lyrics since I last looked?
Or…?
My commitment: To be grateful for any help I receive. To retrace my previous search steps in case any new info has turned up. Patience. Maybe someone won’t know it but will know a song I’ll like even better. I’ll be open to that.
.-= claire´s last post … Facebook, what was I thinking? =-.
[velvet-voiced episode narrator guy] Previously, on personal ads…
A Tiny Sparky Personal Ad for the Workshop – update
Well, so far it’s worked out really well. I have 12 rock star creative people who have committed to being there and 10 seats with ghosts sitting in them. I’m confident they will materialize. Oh, and that makes 22 (I asked for 20).
Either way, I am ecstatic with the group of 12 confirmed people.
I also have the venue I wanted. Well-lit, airy, uber-cool, and creatively charged.
I’ve got stuff to share. I mean, like more stuff than I can fit into the time I set aside for this thing. I wrote a goofy song. I found awesome videos to incite laughter.
How did it all work? Well, the ad helped. Getting clear on exactly what I wanted was such a huge first step for me. Amazing how asking for what you want (even if you’re asking the blogoverse) makes it easier to get.
I got this fortune a few weeks ago: “Your friends will truly be helpful in your next month’s endeavor.”
That’s how I managed to make this happen. It wasn’t some magical force locked inside a brittle cookie. It was reading that and deciding that I should finally let my friends into the thing I’m trying to do instead of just presenting it when it’s done. Every single person I asked help from (and some I didn’t ask) helped. Big help, tiny help… didn’t matter.
One thing I did not ask for in the ad was a boatload of profit from this thing. And.. I’m not getting that. In fact, technically I’m losing money on it. Smart, stupid, whatever. There are lessons here and I’ll note them after I’m done focusing on making this thing awesome.
So yay. Personal ads.
.-= Sparky Firepants´s last post … If you register your site for free at =-.
I think I’ve only written one little VPA so far .. but every week I read them and there is this one that comes into my mind .. I just can’t get myself to write it down .. but here it is:
What I want: I’d like a few really good friends. That live in the area.
How it could happen: I am open to anything ..
My commitment: To remain open .. and to be willing to let people in, which is the thing that sometimes I struggle with.
So yes, yay for personal ads. 🙂
I want to make my blog look nicer. Maybe lose the “blogspot” bit.
How this could happen
Dunno. Shrug. Get a host, buy a domain, pick a template, badabing? It doesn’t sound so hard…
My commitment
Get a little clearer on what I want it to be about. Or not. Maybe it’s not about anything more specific than Stuff I Experience While Living In Tokyo, Some of Which May or May Not Benefit Other People?
.-= Sandra´s last post … Merry Halloween =-.
Sandra, I’m with ya on wanting a spanking, sparkly blog.
I simply want the energy and will not to get a huge kink in my neck, tense shoulders, tight jaw, and burning eyes when I work on a hopefully short-lived project. The goal is to migrate my site into WordPress. Lots of Work.
I am focusing on small successes, not how long it will take, but how I can find fun in the moment.
.-= Lydia, Clueless Crafter´s last post … HouseCraft: Illuminate Your World from the Inside Out =-.
I don’t think I posted this one yet… If I did, I apologize, but only a little, because I’ve had no progress on it:
Me: A young adult who missed the horizon-broadening experiences of study-abroad.
You: Broader horizons.
Are you an adventure that will get me off this coast? Do you scoff at tourist traps because — let’s face it — they don’t really convey current culture? Can you immerse me in experiences to the point where I’m never quite the same?
I’m especially looking for you if you can account for a brand-new husband. Invite him along, or alleviate my guilt for leaving him behind, and you get an express pass to the short list.
Expense is acceptable, but I’m willing to spend more if you can be somehow monetized. Courses and retreats are welcome to apply!
In return, I’m committed to milking the experience for all it has to offer. No halfway about it, here. I ask that you keep me reasonably safe, but coddlers need not apply: risk is part of life, and I need some living!
The right situation can find me by way of serendipity or word-of-mouth. Don’t just knock, Opportunity: ring the bell!
—
And one of these days, I think I’ll write a *proper* personal ad about needing a Duck.
.-= Laura G´s last post … In which I need help with NaNoWriMo =-.
@Sandra – I love it. Also: I think that Stuff I Experience While Living In Tokyo, Some of Which May or May Not Benefit Other People is a terrific theme for a blog. It definitely doesn’t have to be more specific than that.
You are the thing that ties it all together, and you have a unique voice and a delightful perspective. That is more than enough.
For the tech-ey stuff (also for you, Lydia!), I want to point you to Wendy Cholbi (http://www.wendycholbi.com) if you don’t know her already.
She does this freebie office hours thing once a week where you can call and ask questions. And she’s a *really* good explainer, especially for stuff like that. Totally patient and sweet and non-judge-ey.
@Elizabeth – awesome. If you want, you could write a Very Personal Ad about the kinds of people you’d like to be hanging out with, and what you like about them or what they like about you … I know a couple people (in Portland!) who are working on that too. 🙂
Love all around for the ads. They are beautiful, all of them.
And Jessica Rabbit kisses to Mr. Pants.
Just a question: I’m wondering if you’ve ever looked to your Stu-isms for some of your blog posts?
For example:
“it’s always advocated in a cave to be healing.”
Now, I know you’re all about your Angel Refueling Stations and devoting space for yourself. Rather than a cave. And that’s perhaps an opportunity for a post. The difference between a cave and an Angel Refueling Station, where a cave is where most folk (me SO very included!) prefer to go as we try to get away.
So, yeah, that’s my question. Because I see that as something that could help with your advance post concerns. I find that the challenge with old lists is that while I might like to write about that topic, the reason why it’s remained on the list is because I don’t believe that I can credibly add anything new to that topic. And when I can credibly add something new to that topic, that fact is revealed to me not by the list, but by some outside/current event.
Whereas Stu, well, he’s yours. So the credibility is that direct connection between the two of you, as it applies to you.
Thank you so much! Equal measures kind and helpful, as always.
.-= Sandra´s last post … Wet day, bad American =-.
Last week, I asked for peace of mind about moving. I did really well with it (even when people told me it was a silly thing to want!) until the last 12 hours before my move, which is pretty good, all in all. I did bring my yoga book to work and have been doing it every day on breaks, which is fanastic.
I also asked for writing. Then I ran into an enormous brick wall on one of my writing projects. In a place where I thought I had carefully felt around to make sure there was no wall! So that was really hard. On the upside, I saw a piece in electronic “print” and committed to producing a piece a month for that venue.
What I want this week: unpacking-fu.
It’s like kung fu, only for enormous stacks of boxes!
How it could happen:
I could find a way to let go of my resentment of having to unpack when there are other pressing things on my plate.
I could make some kind of wacky chart or diagram on which I could demonstrate my progress to myself!
I could come up with an easier way to reshuffle the contents of the boxes that are ultimately moving from living space into the basement.
I could find more stuff to donate or give away.
My commitment: to continue to go with whatever is easy. To remind myself of how awesome it will be to live without boxes all around me. To remember that I’m allowed to feel however I feel about it.
@Sarah – thanks for the update. I love that you got a lot of what you needed.
And I’m astonished that people told you that wanting peace of mind is a ridiculous thing to want! How absurd. I can’t think of anything more legitimate than wanting peace of mind (that doesn’t mean that we necessarily get it, remembering that we need it seems useful either way). Wow.
Unpacking-fu sounds like the best thing in the entire world. Unpacking-fu!
First of all huge thank to Havi. I know you don’t need the adoration, it’s not a pre requisite, but honestly I’m on the brink of printing a friggin tee-shirt saying I heart Havi…Sorry! I reckon this kind of stalking is forbidden. Quite right but…I love your work – we need you Havi and I love the ‘Havi community’s’ contribution too.
So…here we goooooo…
I’m hoping, yes I need…to find some systems which support and nourish me in the workplace so that I have more money, ease, interconnectedness with people and yet still have lots of time to be creative, play and rest.
So I am hoping for…
Work which pays well and meets my needs (See below – deeeep breath!)and that it will come to me quickly and with ease, yes please, morrrre ease. Or it may come from all the things I’ve been doing this year to get work. So thru perserverance.(God I wish I could spell!)
I will know it’s a good thing even if I have a little nerves to contend with – I will just know it in my heart and belly!
What will work be like?
This is important because it will be warm and fun. It will be both calm and lively!I will feel inspired and cheered by the people that I work with and the work that they do for most of the time if not all of the time. Wherever you are you’ll appreciates my warm and sometimes wacky personality and notice that it creates feelings of yessss and ahhh, those happy-feeling sounds. You’re unusual because you have a hold on icky office politics and ‘workplace bullying’.
The work itself? Could be…as a temp doing what I always do – my reception thang. Or it may be that a job crops up which just feels right even if it’s unfamiliar and taps into my creativity, my skills and all that touchy feely stuff that lives in me and I express fleetingly when I get the chance. You may even be an individual who needs my help or support with your own creative work, or you want someone like me to help create some wonderful work using drama/augusto boal as a form of self exploration into people and their mutual stuck un-stuckness.
You may be based locally (that would be sooo amazing)because it would allow me more rest. Or you may be in the West End of London or North London or as I said near home. And did I say: Reasonable hours. Good pay.
hmmm think this is an ad really isn’t it?
Thanks Havi.
Its late over here in London.
Rest well,
Nina-Cherry-Rocked-The-House
bt also known as Leila