I did this last year on American Thanksgiving too (tradition!) so here’s the short explanation.
This is my Ungratitude Game. Also known as the Lentil Game.
Okay. But that was a terrible explanation. So more explaining!
Things I do not really like:
- forced gratitude.
- being told I need to count my blessings.
- people needing me to like Thanksgiving as much as they do.
Things I do like:
- the lentil game.
- the happy fuzzy feeling that you get when you remember the good stuff*.
- acknowledging the hard (or at least the existence of hard) along with the good, like we do on the Chicken, because otherwise you end up pretending the hard doesn’t mean anything, and it does.
* Yes, I know there’s a word for that. I still call it the Ungratitude Game though.
The lentil game. And a caveat.
You have a bowl full of lentils. Or something small and countable that aren’t lentils. The lentil part isn’t important. The first time I did this there were seventy seven lentils. So that’s how many I’m stuck with.
Luckily, you can do something easy. Like eight pieces of macaroni. I won’t tell.
Anyway. Each thing that doesn’t completely suck gets to jump over to a different bowl. When the first bowl is empty, you feel better. It’s weird, but it works.
Of course, I always forget the really important things anyway. Like olives. Mmmm. Olives. And being (mostly) healthy. And the fact that we have this crazy, wonderful place online.
But it doesn’t remember if you get all the good stuff. It’s practicing.
Havi’s list of 77 Things That Don’t Completely Suck
In no particular order …
- Lilies. Big, gorgeous orange and red lilies. In my kitchen.
- Eating soup in a cheery orange bowl.
- Sitting on the window seat looking out at the garden.
- Roller Derby! This is always something that doesn’t suck, but now that Selma and I are sponsoring Guns N Rollers, it’s even better. Shivanauts FTW!
- Speaking of Shivanauts … the mad brain-zapping wonder that is Dance of Shiva and all the crazy epiphany sparklets that go along with that.
- Chimayo chilies that we brought back from New Mexico.
- New Mexico!
- Selma the duck. My partner and my familiar.
- Selma’s gorgeous wardrobe of hand-knit scarves from her cult following of knitters.
- My email sabbatical — the thing that allows me to do my job without burning out or getting resentful.
- My First Mate Marissa who makes being on email sabbatical possible.
- The wonderful Cairene who first helped me to understand that my business is a pirate ship.
- My new pirate queen necklace that Erin from Insane Jellyfish made for me and that I never want to take off.
- And the Bay Area contingency of my Kitchen Table program, who all chipped in to buy me a fabulous pirate queen outfit, that they gave me at a dinner when I came to San Francisco to teach a workshop this summer.
- Really, everything about the Kitchen Table. One of the best things I’ve ever brought into the world.
- The Portland Mercury. Ah, reliable snark in weekly doses.
- Also, courtesy of the Mercury, the phrase “our dreamboat President”.
- Our dreamboat President.
- The quality (and concept) of Sovereignty.
- Roasting jerusalem artichokes that come from our garden. Serving with the yogurt my gentleman friend made, the bread that I baked and the beer we brew in our basement.
- Living the way I want to live. See: above.
- My gentleman friend’s chuckle. He’s got a terrific guffaw as well, but it’s the chuckle that gets me every time. Best. Laugh. Ever.
- Sometimes — not very often, but sometimes — I can think about my friend who is dead without falling apart, and smile at memories.
- Hoppy House. I love Hoppy House.
- The rug. It really ties the room together.
- Knowing that I can quote any Coen Brothers film on this blog, without attribution, and the majority of my readers will know exactly what I’m talking about.
- Giving myself permission to not go anywhere or do anything for Thanksgiving, because I don’t feel like it, dammit.
- Oh that dammit list. How I love you.
- Brilliantly and sneakily opting out of doing either Thanksgiving or Christmas at the inlaws (aka the unlaws). Without pissing anyone off. Second year in a row. I’m thinking tradition.
- The Kindle app for the iPhone. I can take books with me wherever I go. In my pocket. It’s the future and I love it.
- The smell of bread baking.
- My pirate apron with the skull and crossbones. Another great present from the gentleman friend.
- The Friday Chickens. They might even be my favorite part of the week.
- The people in my life who always remember about the vegetarian thing and the no sugar thing.
- Support. Knowing it’s there.
- Getting my Starsky and Hutch fix at Hulu.com.
- Whole milk. From the sneaky milk co-op.
- God I love living in Portland.
- I never imagined coming back to the States, but if I’m going to be here, Portland is exactly where I want to be.
- Deborah’s weird, magic potions. Is there anything more genius (and bizarre) than a spray for healthy boundaries?
- Working from home.
- The “no computer-ing after 5 pm” rule.
- My clients and students, who are smart and kooky and make me laugh.
- People I’ve never met or even heard of … writing me letters.
- About how some concept from the blog totally changed their lives. Without taking any of my courses or buying any of my products, they have a completely different way of relating to themselves now.
- Wow.
- Snail mail. It is the happy.
- My wonderful friend, mentor and sister-in-silliness, Hiro.
- Barbara Sher. Barbara Freaking Sher. Love that woman.
- Friends.
- Like Dana.
- And Andreas.
- And Amna.
- The weird little world of being an internet rockstar. It’s like, the most random, obscure … completely ludicrous form of celebrity. And I can still go to the supermarket without being mobbed.
- Writing.
- Biggifying my writing.
- Swing dancing.
- Patsy Cline.
- Having a great massage therapist.
- Seriously. I have a knack for finding people.
- People to complain to when stuff is going ridiculously, horribly wrong.
- My business still doing well despite having made some tragic hiring choices this year.
- Painful lessons learned … and maybe the “learning painful lessons” part is over for a while. That would be nice.
- My gentleman friend makes me laugh.
- And drops everything to come with me on Emergency Vacation
- Having really great neighbors.
- Who don’t play the drums.
- Daily yoga, dependable source of comfort and support for over a decade.
- Even though there are lots of things that I’m not feeling grateful for right now — some of which I’m even feeling seriously upset and resentful about — I’m glad that I have room in me for a variety of feelings and emotions.
- Permission to be human.
- Every once in a while I remember to give that permission to myself.
- Plans.
- Possibility.
- Being here right now.
- You.
- I’m so glad you’re here.
- Thank you.
Also: olives.
Follow
Okay, I am going to play too. And I am starting here…
1. Havi
2. the Kitchen Table
3. Shiva Nata
4. Drums
5. Niger
6. Denise
7. Sena and Chenu
…
The house is quiet, I’m alone for now, and I’d like to play, so…
1. The house is quiet.
2. I’m starting the day with some pleasant solitude.
3. You, Havi, and this website, are among the most exciting discoveries I’ve made in the past handful of years.
4. I share my home and my life with three people I love.
5. They also love me, very much.
6. Shiva Nata makes my head feel fizzy in really good ways.
7. My journals.
8. My pens.
9. The permission I give myself to have really lovely and satisfying journals and pens.
10. The Internet.
11. My work. Being a music therapist is, at its best, absolutely magical and marvelous.
12. The people who also hang out on this blog, who make me feel part of a community of creative wackiness.
13. My voice (the literal one).
14. My voice (the figurative one).
15. Comfortable chairs and beds.
16. The ocean.
17. Redwoods.
18. Kindness.
19. Creative dreams.
.-= spiralsongkat´s last post … Blogging in the dark =-.
P.S. (20. Getting the Coen Brothers reference.)
21. Thank you, Havi. Thank you. Thank you.
.-= spiralsongkat´s last post … Blogging in the dark =-.
Ooh, lilies! Yes!
I posted a list of 100 things I’m grateful for on my blog last night.
.-= Riin´s last post … Gratitude =-.
Sovereignty! Thank you so much for spreading that concept.
You are super inspiring, Havi!
And Thanksgiving sucks – it is imperialistic, racist, and of course speciesist (*millions* of turkeys are slaughtered for every Thanksgiving). What the deuce are we expressing thanks for? If we’re thankful for each other, then why should we only/mainly express it on this day of colonialism and murder? It’s ridiculous.
Hi sweetie! I am so delighted to be one of your lentils. You are one of mine, too! A big giant tasty one, with interesting speckles and an independent character.
(A *conceptual* lentil, anyway, because if I started counting actual lentils now I might die from time pressure and anxiety. I just read on my to-do list where I had written “flatware” but my eyes read it as “flatulence”. God help me and my guests today.)
As I was saying – seriously, thanks also for Barbara Sher. For being such an awesome teacher, and the (unknowing) leader of my high council of Jedi knights. And for teaching this awesome course that let me + Havi be friends.
.-= Amna (@Germinational)´s last post … Germinational: @havi Be not deterred, Brave Pilgrim – that’s the spirit our country was founded on. Along with small-pox blankets. =-.
Mmmm, I love being a lentil in your lentil bowl. 🙂 And you’re a shining, beautiful lentil in my bowl too!
There are so many lentils crowding around right now, all I can do is hold the bowl and breathe a deep breath of thanks for all of them.
My home, which I love and that gives me so much joy, nourishment and beauty every day.
My work, which I love and … just repeat the above.
You, and the glow-ey place you have in my heart. The Kitchen Table, this blog, delicious goofiness and growth all around.
My sons, who are light and love and beauty and so much more.
Now exiting Stage Left, singing lentil praises…
Love, Hiro
.-= Hiro Boga´s last post … Sunday Poem #10 =-.
Aaaagh – it’s *so* bedtime in Singapore, but I gotta do a couple, I gotta…
1) S. He is my lobster. Like, totally. Like, TOTALLY.
2) 10 years and (checks) 6 days with S. Still happier *every day*. I know.
3) Connection, meditation, eyes-that-see.
4) Permission (often from Miss Internet-famous here).
5) Mates that sometimes get me.
6) Teh-C (sweet strong tea made with condensed milk. It’s a Singapore thing).
7) My meditation teacher – even though I’m so far away, geographically.
8) My burgeoning internet life. (Ah, burgeoning).
9) A little bit of possibly-security with money as of January.
10) My class which never fails to work. With anyone. Anywhere. And *I made it up*.
11) My little netbook and mobile broadband. Mobile broadband! Gotta love it.
12) My crazy knows-her-own-mind cat. Came with me to the neighbour’s house tonight. Like, walked with me. Hung out. Love it.
13) The gradual gradual realisation that it’s my life.
Ok – that’s bucking-superstition-y enough.
Gotta go – really really.
Night!
.-= Andrew Lightheart @alightheart´s last post … Shut Up and Listen =-.
These are some really great lists/groupings/lentil-ey things.
@Andrew – burgeoning!
@Amna – Conceptual Lentil … it’s just one guy.
@Natalia – yeah!
@kat – That is one hell of a list. Redwoods! Me too.
@hiro – kiss!
@riin – I love your list (and second the lentil for whoever figured out how to knit the heels on socks!)
@sanders – Oh I am so glad we finally got to meet each other so that I can have these wonderful story-pictures of Denise and Sena and Chenu in my head. 🙂
Internet hugs all around. Happy Doing Things Our Way Day.
I play this game when I make ratatouille, but I call it Gratatouille. Every slice of veggie gets something that I’m grateful for thought about. 😉
One of the things I’m thankful for is all of the wonderful people I’ve met online. WOW! Including Havi! Hiro Boga, Victoria Brouhard, Fabeku Fatumise, Simrat Khalsa, Amy Jo and Sally, My friend Caz. The list is long and fabulous!
Internet hugs all around and now I’m off to the store for cornstarch!
.-= Bridget´s last post … A Divine Download Sneak Peak- Love =-.
Jerusalem artichokes! Yum-o-rama.
I think I’m more aware of US Thanksgiving this year than ever before. That, if nothing else, is an indication that I’m integrating this crazy blogosphere thing where I want to make my way. Recently, I’ve even been feeling that perhaps I’m not quite as clueless as I assume, which is lovely.
I’m not making a list, but I want to thank you, Havi, for all the insight and fun you’ve brought to the last few months.
Respectfully yours,
A Grateful Lentil
.-= Lean Ni Chuilleanain (@leannich)´s last post … Dispatches from the Gender Ghetto =-.
@Andrew – Oh! I’m so glad someone else talks in terms of lobsters!
I’m grateful for far, far too many things and people to list. Yay universe. It’s clever.
So I’ll just pick one random thing… let’s see… I’m really grateful to my landlady for lending me her super hoover, which has resulted in my flat being all shiny and clean and lovely.
brewing your own beer and making your own yogurt are just two of the things that reassure me that you are definitely a right person for me. Hurray.
I don’t need to be grateful today. I’m not American. But I love your list.
.-= JoVE´s last post … Start thinking about your post-doc now =-.
Glorious list. Thanks for including me on it. I’ll give you a present for that. I never remember to give presents unless the perfect one is readily at hand and at this moment, it is.
I’m sending it because I loved this most excellent statement you made at the top of this page today under “Things I do not really like. I was nodding ‘yes’ to every one of them, but this stood out for me:
“[I do not really like] being told I need to count my blessings.”
Since I joyfully trashed that very concept in a show I did a few years ago, and since I have a couple of DVDs of it (for some reason I no longer remember – I don’t watch it), it seems as though it might be a nice present for you. I can’t imagine that you ever feel alone in your thinking since you are a magnet for kindred souls, but it might be pleasant to know you have a champion out here cheering you on.
“Doing Things Our Way Day.”
How absolutely perfect is that. Like empty 1st bowls and full 2nd bowls. ‘Cause we’ve got great things in our lives that make our lentils jump. Unless, of course, they don’t wanna jump 😉
Havi, you… and this blog… are really two of the brightest things to glow-up on the internet. Thank you for blogging and being so radiantly.
.-= Erika Harris´s last post … Happy 1-Year Birthday, Joyful Work for Sensitive People! =-.
Dear Havi, I suspect you are a lentil in many many bowls! You sure are one in mine… Thanks for being you.
Jerusalem artichokes! I discovered them this year thanks to my CSA basket, and I’m totally with you on their roasted awesomeness!
.-= Josiane´s last post … Noticing – the dragonfly edition =-.
This year my boyfriend suggested that we . . . like, go up to a resort and get MASSAGES. and PEDICURES. For Thanksgiving. So we’re going to go. Right now, so many people are unhappily complaining about how they ‘have to’ be stuck with people they don’t enjoy being around, and they ‘have to’ cook turkeys plus other very specific food, and they ‘have to’ do lots of other things that just sound all very stressful.
And I have granted myself permission to cook whatever the heck I want, take care of myself (and be thankful! for myself!!), and not subscribe to the idea that I must follow certain holiday traditions, especially if they are not infact meaningful to me. I’ll be grateful if and when I want to be. dammit!!
And I generally follow a vegetarian diet and thus won’t be eating a turkey on this particular day. Several people, with great concern, asked me about this. I didn’t want to sound like too much of a new-agey idealist when I replied . . but man, the whole point of the holiday is . . well, like, it’s just NOT all about the turkey! That’s completely missing the point of the whole deal! And now I’m grateful I got to express this. 🙂
So I’m wishing the traditionalists well (’cause hey, why not?), and I’m wishing the rest of us well too.
Reading this is just what I needed after an extremely awkward Thanksgiving conversation with my dad.
@Andrew – I had to look up the lobster reference. Probably my #1 favorite Friends scene (even though I couldn’t remember that’s what it was from).
@Amna – “I just read on my to-do list where I had written ‘flatware’ but my eyes read it as ‘flatulence’. God help me and my guests today.” Thank you for giving me the first real laugh of my day!
@Bridget – Gratatouille! So glad the interwebs brought us together!
Really, meeting so many wonderful people is by far the thing I’m most grateful for this year.
Havi, I hold you responsible for starting me down this road. Thank you. 🙂
.-= Victoria Brouhard´s last post … Quitting the Man: 20 Days Since Freedom =-.
I have avoided the “list a thing you’re thankful for each day” on Facebook because it seems forced. I am thankful every day – for so many many things. I don’t like the idea of trying to distill it down into a thing a day. It makes me want to be silly and write thinks like “I am grateful for the element of surprise” or “I am grateful when others are snarky for me” or “I am grateful that I can open a pickle jar”.
You are a lentil in my bowl. And I hope you enjoy your day for you.
But oh, if I had to make a list, I would start with olive oil and sea salt and cinnamon. Really, the world is a better place because they are in it.
@Andrew: lobster .. oh, I loved that. One of the sweetest scenes in Friends.
.-= Elizabeth´s last post … giving thanks =-.
Sounds like you’ve encountered some aggressive Thanksgiving folk in the past. Forced gratitude, being told to count blessings, having people expect you to feel the same way about a holiday they do- it sounds like it’s frustrating and stressful for you. I can also see how people in their t-day fervor–well meant though it may be–might throw shoes at you. That’s really not cool. I hope you’re having a lovely Thursday!
As for me,
1. I’m glad I went outside while it was 50 degrees and the sun was briefly shining.
2. Dinner was soooo tasty! Yum!
3. I’m glad Thanksgiving is a very low stress day for me with lots of food my parents and I love.
4. the sky, right now: all diffuse, no hard edges between the pale blue, very light blue, pink, and even pale yellow.
5. the duck suspended between the trees outside my window. (Yes, my own duck.)
6. bears in my back yard. Not today, but on a few occasions and I got to see them. Considering they’re only around for a few minutes at a time, getting to see them & photograph them while they’re here=awesome!
7. hitting AAs on songs in DDR. Rare but very cool when it happens.
8. that my clothespin bandana rig totally works so that I can leave my curtains open but not be blinded by the sun.
9. my bud Oualid, too far away but so proud of him!
10. Havi and The Fluent Self for illustrating ways to successfully approach the world while honoring one’s introverted, HSP self.
11. “Wake Me Up” by the Silver Lakes. Bouncy jigglin’ in my chair goodness.
12. Rhythm boxing on Wii Fit.
13. Coming out as bi to my immediate family this year and not having it be a big deal at all.
14. Finding a bunch of stuff I like to read this year.
15. Not caring if “HSP self” is redundant.
Cheers, all!
.-= claire´s last post … Thanksgiving haiku: Back to the Future =-.
Hey guys – I’d totally forgotten where the lobster reference came from.
This lead me to googling:
lobster friends
Which lead me to many things, including:
Become a friend of the Lobster Institute
Nice.
.-= Andrew Lightheart @alightheart´s last post … Shut Up and Listen =-.
Oh, and all together now…
“I’m a lentil, I’m a lentil!”
.-= Andrew Lightheart @alightheart´s last post … Shut Up and Listen =-.
This is just wonderful, all these loving, beloved, jumping lentils. There are so many creative, talented arty people here, I imagine a line of adorable “You are a lentil in my bowl” greeting cards, socks with speckled lentils, lentil friendship bracelets; Andrew has already composed the lentil song… I love this community.
I’m grateful for all it’s brought me, including, just to name one small one, the flying dragon yoga moves, particularly “dragon raises its wings,” which I occasionally think of as “dragon jazz hands.”
May all your lentils forever be hopping between bowls.
.-= Sandra´s last post … That would explain the corn =-.
One, one happy lentil, wah ha ha ha (yes, for some reason my head went to Count Von Count from Sesame Street)
1. The “Batty Bat” song by Count Von Count
2. Choosing to make a gratitude collage instead of a vision collage; so much easier to find images of things I already am grateful for rather than things I’m hoping to attract
3. NVC: that book is opening my eyes in so many ways
4. Emergency Fairy Dust, has helped me get to sleep several times this week
5. An email from San Jose saying I sold a few pieces! 🙂
6. New watercolors
7. Colanders
8. Water towers
9. Pablo, my laptop, who celebrates his first anniversary with me tomorrow
10. eBay, for providing the award money to help me purchase Pablo
11. Havi, Naomi and all the other cool people I’ve found because I was able to surf faster with Pablo
12. the internet, for the ability to be in touch with all my family without having to spend Thanksgiving with some of them 😉
13. all of the other lentils here in the fluent soup 🙂
.-= Andi´s last post … Wishcasting Wednesday =-.
@Andi – Fluent soup! Fluent soup!
Wow – this is just another Havi Brilliant thing to do.
1. Barbara Sher – who helped me change my life, see the value of my work, discover Lorraine wo is a huge partner for bringing my work into the world
2. Despite making some horrible business errors, I’m okay and things are looking up
3. Sleep – beautiful, restorative sleep
4. My dogs Phoebe and Vanna – and closest friends
5. That my kids are here, happy, healthy and we love each other in such obvious subtle ways
5. Good health
6. My willingness to think about things differently
7. Linda Resca – love her
6. Jen Louden – love her too!
7. You Havi
8. Steve Chandler
9. The Kitchen Table and all it’s mates!
10. My incredibly beautiful home
11. My car – my home away from home
12. Mark Silver
13. The Comfort Cafe and my Cafe friends!
14. That I can walk and exercise – and that I love doing it
15. Great supplements that nourish me and help me take care of myself
16. That I can write
17. My breath – wherever it is, I’m with it
Love to you all
.-= Char´s last post … Be Kind 2 Mind: Glenn Close goes to Bat for Her Sis =-.
I love lentil soup. Is that a bad thing?
.-= Lori Paximadis´s last post … Technoupgrade =-.
Happy day off or pie or gravy or beloved Lobsters (so sweet, Andrews) or Gratatouille (Bridget!), or whatever else might be making you happy this weekend, all you loveable Havi lentils. xoxo
.-= Sonia Simone´s last post … What Makes Marketing Hard? =-.
Wow. Lentil #12. Right next to Marissa. [blushing]
Only way I can honor this right now is to add my 77 lentils to yours. With you at the top. (Not that we’re ranking stuff or anything. Because that would be as gross as forced gratitude.)
Yay for the good stuff! oxo Cairene
PS: Bridget! Gratatouille! [swooning at the brilliance of it]
.-= Cairene´s last post … Because 77 lentils deserve 77 more. =-.