Personal ads! They’re … personal! Very.
So my itty bitty personal ads made me realize that it’s time to make a regular practice of trying to feel okay asking for stuff.
Even when the asking thing feels weird and conflicted.
Ever since I posted the first one asking my perfect house to find me, which united me with Hoppy House, I have been a fan of the madness that is personal ads.
And now it’s my weekly ritual. Yay, ritual!
Let’s do this thing.
Thing 1: the zone (again!)
Here’s what I want:
To move through some of the fog.
To deal with some uncomfortable situations.
To trust myself and go with what I know.
Ways this could work:
Crazy shivanautical epiphanies from doing Dance of Shiva.
Remembering to stop working. A lot.
Long walks. Insights on long walks. Or in the shower.
Remembering to follow my own advice.
My commitment.
Doing the best I can.
Thing 2: Sovereignty, baby.
Here’s what I want:
The short explanation of the sovereignty thing is not giving a damn what other people think because you’re owning your space, your body, your life.
The short version of the situation I’m in right now is that two people owe me a chunk of money, and they don’t seem to want to do anything about it.
So what I want is to get better at standing up for myself and being really firm and clear about what needs to happen.
But while not getting sucked into bitter/angry/depressed mode.
And I want these two situations to get sorted with ease. And a simple resolution that doesn’t piss me off. Would be nice.
Ways this could happen:
I’m open to perfect, simple solutions.
I’d like a big, crazy dose of the sovereignty stuff (or to get better at connecting to it).
Basically, something that can shift this pattern of feeling sorry for the other person involved to the point that I don’t take care of myself.
Also, a holiday could be nice.
My commitment.
To give a clear ask with a clear deadline. And to be strong.
To pay attention. To call a time out for myself when I need it.
To stop and regroup. To give myself full permission to not like things the way they are right now.
Thing 3: HOLIDAY LIST!
Oh yes.
I was going to write a whole post about businesses I support.
Because if people are going to be getting stuff for the holidays anyway, they might as well know about businesses that are Havi-approved as being cool.
But then I didn’t.
So I’m writing a mini-personal-ad for them.
These are some of the businesses I’d love to see thrive this year. My sincere hope is to see them biggify in a safe, comfortable, enjoyable way. Yes, that is my wish.
And if you’re looking for cool stuff? This is the place. Yay.
Best. Socks. Ever.
Oh, I am a fan. Sock Dreams.
Portland company, woman-owned, completely awesome. This is where I buy fansocks for people I admire.
Sovereignty spray.
And Healthy Boundaries. These crazy, wonderful sprays from Deborah are weird and fabulous.
Love them.
Alima.
I’m not such a huge make-up person (surprise!) but I am mad about this company.
No chemicals, all gorgeous, they recycle. And they’re in Portland. So they’re also shockingly nice. Sparkly!
Yarny-ness.
I already talk about Tara the blonde chicken all the damn time so there isn’t much else to say.
Other than my god have you seen her yarn? She makes it. I know! Plus now she has the Learn to Knit kit so really, there’s no excuse. How are you going to make me fansocks if you don’t learn to knit?!
Necklaces.
I love this typewriter necklace from Insane Jellyfish Designs (who made my beautiful Pirate Queen chain).
And there are totally great lockets from Locket 2 You (look at the elephant on the bicycle!)
Wonderful body things.
I get Lisa’s magical salts for soaking.
And am in love with creamy, healthy, happy stuff from Dress Green.
Also got some good things from Aquarian Bath.
And I know Heidi will be biggifying this year with her excellent Aardvark potions (I’ve gotten samples and they are fabulous — pay attention to her!)
Learning things.
Obviously I approve of my own Non-Sucky Yoga package. Good gift for yourself.
You can also give the gift of Wendy — tech support and wordpress stuff. Good if you’re at the start of the biggification process or know someone else who is.
Or you can learn about yourself and good ways to do stuff differently. I know lots of good coaches, and since my waiting list is a million miles long, let me recommend some people I think rock:
Re: Stuff for me.
Oh god. Please don’t get me stuff for Hannukah. I wrote about this last year.*
* Just reread this and realized I’ve repeated some recommendations. That made me smile. Guess the good stuff is still good.
But while we’re on the subject, if you must send me presents not at holiday time, you can’t go wrong with fansocks. Or supporting knitters (I approve of ball of yarn and pixie bell).
That’s it.
Also, in case you (or the FCC) are wondering, none of these people/businesses have any idea that I’m promoting them and no, I don’t get anything from them in return.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
No major updates since last time.
Let’s see. So I asked for Right People for my fabulous Destuckification Retreat, but I haven’t officially announced it yet. They’re probably waiting in the wings.
And I had an ask about not feeling bad about wanting a vanity table.
Still no table (though the gentleman friend found some excellent possibilities), but I don’t feel even slightly bad about wanting one. So in that sense, a shift. Yes.
And I talked up Tara’s Learn To Knit Kit, and a bunch of people became Blonde Chicken fans. Which is a good thing. Whew.
Comments. Since I’m already asking …
I am adding to my practice of asking for stuff by being more specific about what I would like to receive in the comments. And that way, if you feel like leaving one (you totally don’t have to), you get to be part of this experiment too. 🙂
Here’s what I want (just leave them in the comments):
- Your own personal ads, small or large. Things you’ve asked for. Or are asking for. Or would like to ask for. Or updates on last time!
What I would rather not have:
- Reality theories.
- Shoulds. As in, “You should be doing it like this” or “That’s not the right way to ask for things — instead it should be like x, y and z”
- To be judged or psychoanalyzed.
My commitment.
I am committing to getting better at asking for things even when asking feels weird.
Thanks for doing this with me!
One more thing!
So yes, I say this every week, but here’s the weird thing: I mean it.
When I say no advice, I really, truly don’t want advice. If you want to share your related story, rock on. But that’s it. Give me advice and I’ll kick you in the shins.
Follow
Please:
Continuing to write and not be an expert, including *choosing* amongst 12 babwillstion topics floating around in my head.
Daily walking.
Seedlings of Shiva Nata and yoga practice.
Enjoying a month with my UK family.
Moving with the small amount of procrastination stuff that’s happening.
Ways:
Softening, letting, gentling.
.-= Andrew Lightheart´s last post … Friday list #4 – When people talk they’re saying things =-.
Ok.
I’m totally not stalking the Refresh button.
.-= Andrew Lightheart´s last post … Friday list #4 – When people talk they’re saying things =-.
This week’s VPA looks a lot like last week’s. Maybe I need to light more candles.
What I want: relief from the Illness Currently Eating My Life
How this could happen: the doctor I see on Tuesday could have a fabulous plan, emotional work I’m doing could help shift it, the Universe could just show up with some magic.
My commitment: to keep showing up to taking care of myself even when it inconveniences others. Trusting that those others love me even if I need help or time or whatever it is.
.-= Julie´s last post … Recovering yourself after academia =-.
I’m facing down some big writing/scholarly projects on tight deadlines. A part of me is terrified. Another part (a larger, in-the-dark part) is not all that worried. I would like these two parts to talk with each other. The first part has the energy; the second part has the wisdom.
What I want: I want the writing/processing part to go smoothly, I want to look up later this afternoon to find the presentation pretty much done, I want to feel as if I’ve learned something about the material.
What I will do: I will be present. I will set my timer and focus on the articles to be processed. I will draft my presentation at the same time. I will be awesome in my dedication. I will delay my pleasing distractions till tonight. I will do push ups, walk, do shiva nata in my breaks. I will sit quietly and provide the time and quiet space for these two parts to get to know each other.
On the larger issue of whether this path is the right one for me: I want to be soft, I do not want to demand answers, I do not want to force an answer, I want to be OK with feeling the anxiety and fear about the future and letting it be there without trying to vaporize it, I want to stay in this story to see what develops, I want to remember that things generally work out just fine for me despite these long dark days, I want to honor and respect all the people who have faith in me and are supporting me on this path.
Thank you for providing a safe place to write about these things.
.-= Mike´s last post … Today in History =-.
MY VPA’s this week:
To write the blog post that’s been unfolding inside me for the past week, and to do it with love, openness, receptivity and wisdom.
To receive all that I’m being given right now, with an open and grateful heart.
Love, Hiro
.-= Hiro Boga´s last post … Sunday Poem #11 – Buddhist Chronicles =-.
Update from last week –
I THINK I found someone who understands my work, what I want to accomplish, is willing to do it and give me a witten quote complete with timelines. When it ACTUALLY happens, I will give more details – it is a miracle in and of itself that this person GOT IT from what I described. I never believed that personal ads could work for me. . . . . til this actually happened. . . . because I was too afraid to put out a clear complete request, seemed impossible.
Anyhoo, Havi – sorry for all the hard with these two people and wishing you the ease to have them come to their senses and do what’s right or however other ways that this can happen that would feel good to you.
My Ask:
-Clear written estimates from the people who are working on Patient Power complete with when they can accomplish what I’m asking for
-Reassurance that YES, I have found my right people to complete this
My Commitment
-To be sure they know exactly what I want and by when by emailing them with specifics (which I’ve done but will double check by Tuesday again if I haven’t heard back – my email has been funky lately)
-To not make this urgent, and be patient both with them and with myself
Ways it could happen
-They could just respond beforehand by email and let me know
-They could call me
-Any other way that works for them
My seond ask
-Time to read books on hypothyroidism
-Time to review books for Amazon Vine
-Time to read during the day before I’m dead tired
My commitment
-to look for pockets of time
-to do my best to adjust my sleep schedule to allow time for reading
-to be patient with myself when I wanna stay up and fight sleep
-to dance of shiva this up
-to meditate about it and think about it on long walks
Ways it Could Happen
-I could just do it
-I could go for a cup of coffee with a book
-I could go to the library with a book
-I could get in bed by 9 to read (meaning before 2AM)
-miracles i can’t even begin to imagine
i love this spot, thanks for creating it Havi. hope you find the vanity that you love.
i had one as a little girl, used to sit in front of it and pretend i was barbara walters interviewing people. she is still one of my heroes.
.-= Char´s last post … Patient Power. . . Your Power =-.
update on a previous VPA, in which I asked for the perfect wallet: thanks to an inner shift, something I already possess has begun to feel perfect for me, all by itself. A very elegant and satisfying outcome!
Today, I’m asking for renewed health and energy, so I can embrace the projects facing me without undue anxiety or misery.
How this can happen: I can give myself lots of love, and share that love with everyone around me.
My commitment: I will breathe, and hold on to the belief that love, not fear, is the path that will best serve me *and* the projects I am facing.
Wishing good things for you today, Havi and everyone!
VPA’s
Work and money flow
To keep trusting it’ll figure itself out.
To be open to accessing some of the energy/magic that’s been zipping through my body in relation to my creative self. I’d love that aspect of myself to greet and dance with the immediate challenges of work and money. So that it may help me access much more of what I need to thrive and not just survive like I’ve done for so long.
Yeyy to thriving.
For any helpers out there to assist me with the above and to help me see if I am overlooking anything.
Energy release
To let out a cry of raaaaaaaaaaaaa. Not sure that’s a wish as such. To do it whilst feeling connected to source so I feel totally safe and protected in letting go a little more. To keep softening into releasing and acknowledging the powerful stuff of anger old and new. Raaa for the pain of what was and hope for what could be and is right now. Ra ra raaaaaa. Stomp feet. Bang drums. Shake butt. Soften. Breathe. Fire in belly. Ra ra raaaaa.
Emotions, people
To have a week where I am free of people who throw shoes. To be around light, soft people, happy in their work, happy enough in themselves. Everyone else – Be off with you. Stay away! I need softness and holding please.
To help myself to maintain that delicious connection with my self and the magic everywhere, to keep practising kindness to myself and to my love. To allow myself to enjoy where I am right now. To be kind to myself if any hard should arise again. To trust that I am better able to and that this new phase is here to last.
Creative Self Business Flow
This could look like ongoing creativity and writing a page for a potential new blog. I could also write more posts for my potential blog and do it with ease and a sprint in my step.
I could make more connections to people that will help me trust myself and my ideas even more.
I could allow my ideas for a creative business project to grow and blossom.
My love and I – we’ll keep doing our thing and continue to be able to talk through whatever comes up and to access nvc whenever we need and with greater ease.
@Mike – what a thoughtful personal ad. I am going to borrow parts of this for one of mine. Thank you. Wishing good things with this.
@Andrew – whooo!
@spiralsongkat – wow. I love it when elegant solutions come up, especially the unlikely ones. So glad to read that!
Like how I was so sure I was asking for the right vanity table but it was so obvious that I was *actually* asking for help releasing my issues around “vanity”, and so that was what I got. Yay.
This is the first time trying this (laugh)
What I’m asking for:
To find community for myself, to aid in healing and to help learning to be part of something MORE than myself. I need to find like minded people, both online and offline, that are open minded, loving, caring, and honest but not willing to allow others to bully or plow over them just because they are loving people. People full of light and energy…
How this can happen:
-I will stop being afraid of rejection by other people, I will make the effort to join groups, comment on blogs, write my reality on my blog
– I will seek out others of like mind and maintain contact
– if someone rejects me I will not allow that to affect my sense of worth
– I will not allow anyone to tell me that I don’t belong, I will decide this myself
My commitment
-to get out and do things
-to join groups and classes
-to comment on my favourite blogs, and to comment on the blogs of interest that I find
-call friends more often, write
-ask for help from those I respect, and not worry if they say no
.-= Moon’slark (@moonslark)´s last post … Reaching UP, Reaching OUT =-.
Update from last week’s VPA: I am chatting with a new client about a tarot writing project! I was careful to give myself plenty of time to complete it, and let her know exactly when to expect it. That’s a big step for me, a large shift. I will continue to be open to new opportunities to help people with my tarot knowledge, while taking care of me.
My VPA for this week: I would like more energy to face life confidently and enthusiastically. I’ve been feeling very drained lately, and if I am not careful, things could turn ugly. Not good.
Ways this could come to me:
*I could find more fun and engaging activities that increase my energy. Such as yoga, exercise, or listening to music.
*Others could cheer me on, or bring energy builders into my life. Even funny comments or pictures could brighten my mood.
*I am open to any other way of increasing my energy, as the universe provides.
My commitment:
*I will take care of myself, with proper nutrition and exercise.
*I will avoid burnout, and rest when I need to.
*I will remain open to any new opportunities for more energy.
Thanks again Havi, for having this space. May all your VPA’s come true!
~Kim
.-= Kimberlee Ferrell´s last post … Tarot for the Tired, or Yes, Another Energy Spread =-.
Background: The best way I can describe my situation is that I share my body with other people. It’s not a dissociative disorder. We get along fine this way. We’re happy with it. We understand not everyone believes this sort of thing is possible, and we’re okay with that as long as it’s respected that this is how we interpret what’s going on inside and our opinion of that is not going to change unless we see evidence that it’s not the best explanation.
Want: Some spaces, online and while visiting other places, have been accepting. We want the courage to move into others as ourselves, not a pretend face, and to be respected in those places. We also want to find people here, near us, with whom we can be open and get respect, without being outed to our coworkers (who don’t seem to have ever moved out of the frat house, sigh). We can’t get officially penalized at our job for being different but most of our team can and does already make us uncomfortable. If some beautiful magic came around to help us with the process of moving out of there and supporting ourselves in a way that lets us be around mature, caring people, we would love that too.
How: More networking. More therapy (for our depression, which does not make courage in social situations any easier). Trusting in our ability to go back for the education we need to get the day-job we want (teaching college). Working toward the night-job we’ve been offered (making knitted, painted, etc. goodies for a natural bath-and-body line that’s in its infancy). Finding a new day-job for now, even though Michigan isn’t exactly awash in job opportunity. Serendipity.
Our Commitment: Keep working on the networking and the therapy, and keep talking over our opportunities with people who support us and will tell us when we’re worried about things that probably won’t happen. Working on depression issues that keep us feeling blocked from continuing on with school. Working on clutter issues that keep us feeling blocked from moving, which might let us choose a better job environment. Having faith in our creative abilities, which might mean we could go down to part-time at that awful job, or some other great opportunity will come up. Being open to seeing new possibilities. Taking care of ourselves in all the ways that help to keep depression at bay and our creating environment ready and inviting.
A few hard things have happened in the last week. This is my first time trying a VPA, and I am going to tackle one of them this way. (deep breath) Here goes:
A., my friend L.’s daughter, is rapidly losing her hearing. Her doctors aren’t sure exactly what will work to help her, except that surgery will be involved. To top it off, her family has no insurance and 4 small children.
Here’s what I want:
I want A. to find the best possible solution without going into huge medical debt.
How this could happen:
Someone could see this post and have suggestions.
Her doctors could find some research that clarifies what they should try.
The company who makes cochlear implants could help.
The State of CO (where they live) and/or her local community could help.
I could win the lottery :).
My commitment:
Support both A. and L. to the best of my ability and help them in any way I can. Ask people I don’t know, and those I do, for ideas. Buy a lottery ticket!
I feel better already. Thanks for listening.
Heh, my VPAs are almost old enough to drink! XD
Update on Previous: Definitely less Dis, which was good. Not a super productive week but in a much smoother way, with a sense of celebration and deliberation rather than discombobulation. Also, and I totally forgot to put this in my Chicken, I had an Etsy sale! Someone got a set of cards, which is awesome, and my boxes of blanks have come in so I’m ready to do mine & the custom set (both of which I need to do the art for, heh).
Thing 1: I’ll repeat an Ask I’ve Asked (and sometimes gotten) before, but bears repetition: Energy, please! I’d like to sleep well this week and wake refreshed, and find other ways to bring myself energy so I can get done the many clamoring to-dos.
How This Might Happen: Good sleep. Warm teacups. Good friend interactions. Exercise or even some Shiva Nata. Other ways I don’t know about yet. Good advice from trusted sources on how to help keep this one going.
My Commitment: To respect the ebbs and flows of my body and brain. To try not to cram too much into each day so that overwhelm washes away the energy I start with. To use the Flow List I just made to remind myself that there’s secret ways into the magic land of getting stuff done. To listen to any advice I’m given and consider it. To drink tea and avoid things I know will make me feel icky later.
Thing 2: Unsticking my Art Selling Stuck.
How This Might Happen: I really don’t know, but I know it’s the underlying thing I need to do to get the rest of the ease I want.
My Commitment: To put my energy here when I can, to listen to those wiser than I. To buy the Destuckification kit if I do sell something ‘big’ enough, or perhaps Fabeku’s CD download if I sell something wee. To keep moving forward with Etsy things one step at a time, and not letting myself slack so much on art posts. To make art.
.-= Amy Crook´s last post … How to Find Flow =-.
I am completely ecstatic and honored to have made your holiday list this year! Woo hoo!
And I’m sending you lots of sovereignty vibes for your situation. Hugs for all that hard!
Update on last VPA (from two Sunday’s ago): Not tons of progress because I’ve been sick this whole time! Boooo!
My ask for this week:
I really want my health, energy and motivation back, so I can get some things done and enjoy my trip later this week.
How this could happen:
Seriously no idea. I could wake up tomorrow a new woman?
My commitment:
To continue to take care of myself and rest when my body wants it. To be open to whatever comes up in this area.
.-= Victoria Brouhard´s last post … Whatever You Decide Is Okay =-.
I have a thank-you and an ask, all in a first comment.
First: Thank you for the Sock Dreams link – I am not so much a socks person, but my fiancee is, and he wanted split-toe socks. Which they have, in abundance. Yay!
Second:
Ask: I need to find someone to marry us in a secular (hopefully) outdoor fashion. Neither one of us is really active in the denominations we were raised in, and I don’t want to pretend to believe in something I don’t in order to get married.
How I could find it:
I could keep asking people; to find the time to email old friends who I knew were married by judges.
Or I could find an amenable clergy-person through someone.
This would be so much easier if nuns could marry people-one of my favorite cousins is a sister.
I thought I didn’t have a past update, but I do. I was able to reconnect with my friend who has ALS in a way that was comfortable for me, and which was well received by her, and I didn’t have to do anything which felt phony to me.
And Thanksgiving was solved by asking my DH to ask my daughter to come in on Friday instead of Monday. Weekend went by without any buttons being pushed by either side. Yay!
This week:
I have a contracted project due to be shipped by December 11 to arrive in time. I have the knitting part complete. I am asking for ease in putting together the rest of the project. Mainly what I am asking for is to not be afraid to mess it up (I think I ask this a lot). Making art is fun. It is scary. Especially for publication or sale or exhibit. And yet it is what I do to pay the bills, so I am asking for smooth creation.
I promise to be gentle with myself and to have fun with the process.
I promise to keep a notebook handy so I can write down all the other great ideas that pop up when I am working on a project.
I promise to not second guess my narrative. That is what editors are for. 🙂
.-= Andi´s last post … Wishcasting Wednesday =-.
This one is so big I don’t really know how to ask it.
I want a business.
Six months ago, I completely inhabited “selling is ICKY” space. Since then, I’ve started moving along a path which ultimately, and fundamentally, involves selling. I’ve done a LOT of work on changing my mindset over the past few months; I’ve done a LOT of reading and learning. It’s been great.
But – you’ll be astonished to hear – I’m still not a mogul. (What’s up with that?)
So. OK. I have a blog. I have an idea for a service/product thingywhatsit. What I need is a map. I need to see the steps that will change my happy little blog (of which I’m stonkingly proud, I may add) into a happy little blog with stuff for sale. (I have a Zazzle shop and a few Amazon affiliate links, but that’s not what I mean.) I need each of these steps to be tiny, because I am terrified.
How this might happen:
* I could stop sitting around going, “Why isn’t it happening already? You’re clearly not cut out for this lark. Give up.” That might be a start.
* Something could click.
* Magic.
* Halp.
My commitment:
To ride the wave, when it arrives.
.-= Lean Ni Chuilleanain (@leannich)´s last post … Sunday Stash, no. 6 =-.
Update on previous asks:
Still working on the courage to ask. I did, however, rest – tons. I do not think I am caught up yet, but oh, it has been lovely.
This week’s ask:
I would like this week to flow effortlessly. I have all-day training combined with a long drive to bring the pup to boarding combined with travel to Havi’s class (yay!) combined with more all-day training that conflicts with when I am supposed to pick the pup up (and also keeps changing so I can’t plan what to do). Yes, ease and flow will be very nice.
How this might happen:
The training might not be as long as I expect. Traffic might be quiet. They might settle on a date. I might be able to change my pick-up day/time. Lots of ways.
My commitment:
To act, as required.
.-= Elizabeth´s last post … giving thanks =-.
Havi,
Hope everything on your not your holiday list comes true effortlessly.
I definitely have a VPA this week as I decided to offer (drum roll) my first ever meditation – awareness related teleclass. It’s called Surviving Celebrations: Getting through the holidays with your (mental) health and happiness.
It’s happening fast, which is a little nerve-wracking, but I’m really delighted by the benefits of the practice. Hopefully it will save people from a few scorpion stings.
Fast may turn out to be really good for me. I have a habit of getting all excited and planning and planning and then going on to get excited with the next thing without completing thing 1.
I’m asking for ease, Right People signing up, smooth technology, pacing myself so I can enjoy the process and the program, and post-program feedback that this has made a difference to someone.
My commitment, to create the program to the best of my ability and trust the rest.
.-= Mahala Mazerov´s last post … Why Holidays Hurt & What We Can Do About It =-.
VPA (my first!)
Want: one of those Alice in Wonderland Lockets from your Locket2you suggestion! Easy!
How: my friend who wants me to tell her what she should get me will finally get just that
Want: big one – the real stuff to just flow – to not resist the biggifying that is happening
How: ???
the work will become more fun and free to do?
Thank you Havi for sharing your process.
Whoa. I was just all la-de-da-ho-humming over here and, ping!, got an email at way-late-thirty on Sunday night and it was someone wanting to book a massage and found me through Havi’s blog… and i’m like: whoa! I gots to go check things out as I haven’t been here for a few days, and then I’m like, whoa! That’s me! So, wheeeeeee! Yays all around.
Can I do the good and the hard today even though it’s not the chicken but the VPA? I’m about to. ‘Cause sometimes it’s just better to do and then ask.
The good: Aardvark Open House Shindig yesterday. Awesome. Lovely people came and walked around my living room that, if I say so myself, looked awesome and open and spacious and inviting, sampling my new lotions and potions. ChaChaChai was a big hit, as was Ease, Please. And there’s a new one that got named, because, no creme should be in the world for very long without a name. So the name for this new one came in Spanish first “No Doy Mas!” It’s for when you’ve had it. You don’t have a drop more to give, and yet it’s not time to go to bed yet, so to speak or for real. The best English we could find for it was “I’ve had it”, which I quite like. This potion has lavender, which many folks were asking for, but with 2 other oils that make it just lovely and wakey and oomphy while still being soft and comforting. So yay for Open House and yay for potions and lotions and yay for names.
The hard: Still getting my voice back from that flu/cold thingie I had last week. I should totally upgrade thingie to Thing, because yeah, this was a THING. And it made me unable to see clients for 8 days. So hard. And scary.
But, I’m back. And I’m cookin’. And I gave 3 massages today. And I’m on your list. Which is just fantastic.
VPA: I’d like to find a way to present my cremes to people in a totally chill and laid back, no pressure to buy kind of way, while also relaying my excitement and information on how to buy my cool new aardvarky thing.
Maybe in another lifetime I will be succinct.
Bye, and *thank you kisses*
.-= Heidi Fischbach´s last post … Me and an aardvark, getting down to business. (Heidi is biggifying!) =-.
Havi, I read your blog far our of proportion to how frequently I comment. I really love The Fluent Self! Every time you write about the healthy boundaries spray, I mean to ask how you deal with people in your workshops or classes who are sensitive to scents, but I don’t know how to ask without sounding like an ass. That’s because I know the question totally sounds leading, like I’m set to judge you, but that’s not the case at all–I’m genuinely curious because I know you’re an incredibly thoughtful, compassionate person who has thought through many contingencies.
I ask because of course I have my own wackinesses and I often stumble over them when I’m giving a workshop or presentation. How do you approach moments where your own sovereignty bumps up against a workshop participant’s sovereignty, her right to own her space and feel safe?
I suppose these questions are related to my VPA for the week:
I’m going through some really sticky mental health issues right now, and I don’t think they’re going to resolve themselves anytime soon. I want to find some way to express to my coworkers and my boss that I need more (literal and metaphorical) space than usual, without having to reveal the whole sordid mess to them.
How that might happen: I might stumble across a blog post about accommodations for depressed people in the workplace that provides some inspiration or language I might borrow. I might find a lovely paragraph about balancing my own needs with those of my coworkers and employer as I reread Parker Palmer’s wondrous book Let Your Life Speak. I might call my compassionate physician, who gave me her cell number because she’s awesome and is becoming a friend. I might have one of those flashes of poetic insight that used to come to me more regularly when I was feeling like this, but that don’t visit me so much anymore.
My commitment: To be open to healing, even though doing so is very, very difficult in the midst of the downward depressive thought spiral.
.-= Leslie M-B´s last post … Mental Illness in Academia =-.
Wanted for the talk on Wednesday:
– protecting my own space
– focus on my needs
– calmness
– visions for alternatives
– an outcome that feel “light”
How:
– meditation and Shiva Nata
– create a “feel good feeling” before walking in (wearing clothes I feel and look good in, getting enough sleep before, eating properly)
Dress Green!!! Lauren, I’m pretty sure, is a saint. Who else could make face and body cream to solve the problem of “ohmygod my skin is so dry IT HURTS!”? Problem solved. I’m a customer for life.
My VPAs for this week:
1. To write my very first real blog post!
I’ve written it two or three times already…and it still pretty much sucks. It’s about a dog (of course!) and I have so much to say that what I’ve written is rambling all over creation and making even me say, “So? Who cares?” I’d really like to finish this blog post and get it out into the world because a)the world needs to meet this fabulous dog and b)I’ve wanted to write a blog for a long time and I’m finally ready to make the leap.
How this could happen: Words could just flow out of me, making perfect sense and being exactly what I’ve wanted to say all along but just couldn’t get out of my brain and onto the page. Or, I could write and write and write some more and then edit and then rewrite. Either way is okay; I don’t find rewriting painful, just tedious.
My commitment: I’ll keep writing. I won’t demand perfection.
2. To finish the project at work that’s sucking the life right out of me.
I like my job, but this project is kicking my butt. I would like the energy and focus to just finish it so I can move on. The next project is waiting its turn and it promises to be a whole lot nicer to me. But I have to finish this one first, and I’d prefer it to go smoothly because I have enough stress in my life, thanks.
How this could happen: All of the feedback I’ve been given could suddenly make perfect sense to me. I could look at the chapters and know exactly what’s missing and what needs to be added. Divine intervention?
My commitment: To give my best effort even when I don’t want to.
@Sherron — ooh, good luck with the post. Good for you! ANd yes, first one is the scariest.
Luckily, everyone writes terrible first posts (seriously, go to the archives and look at mine!)
@Leocadia – keeping up good hopes for you.
@Leslie – oh! That didn’t even occur to me to mention, so thanks for the reminder. The healthy boundaries spray doesn’t have a scent.
I’ve actually tried at least half of Deborah’s sprays and the only one with a scent was the Harmony one. I think you could just ask her if there was a spray you wanted, and you wanted to make sure it was scent-free.
In terms of the your sovereignty not bumping up against anyone else’s thing, that’s a complicated issue. Actually, it’s a simple issue that is complicated to explain. It kind of needs its own post, but here is the short version:
The thing that preserves your sovereignty also preserves everyone else’s. When you are in sovereignty, it inspires everyone else to respect their own.
The more you are clear about the healthy boundaries of your own kingdom, the easier it is for everyone else to define theirs.
The best concrete example for this is the Dog Whisperer (have you ever seen that?). When the dog whisperer shows up, there is a situation that is not good for the owner AND not good for the dog.
When the dog whisperer establishes boundaries, they end up in a situation that is good for the dog and good for the owner. And good for the dog whisperer.
Sovereignty is a *little* different than that, but not much. Because sovereignty is all about the win-win.
And one of the things on your dammit list might be “I respect my own space and the space of my workshop participants, dammit”. That way you can give them room to not participate in everything, and to be clear about your own needs and comfort.
Hope that helps for now. Something to start with, at least.
@Heidi – Yay! Yay! Yay! That’s wonderful. And sure, you’re welcome to Chicken on a VPA. Why not? I am so happy about your potions and lotions for mixed up emotions. I used your magical Ease Balm last night and my hands and feet are sooooooooooooo happy.
@Lean – whooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
@Havi Thanks so much for that explanation! It helps!
.-= Leslie M-B´s last post … Mental Illness in Academia =-.
Ooh, ooh, one I can help with! At least maybe a little tiny bit!
@Claire – Hugs for the hard. Your friend’s family is lucky to have such a good friend to support them during such a stressful & scary time. Deciding on a course of treatment when losing one’s hearing is SO incredibly difficult, and it’s even harder to make that decision for a child.
Cochlear implants are a very controversial, heated, and emotional debate among Deaf, hard of hearing, and hearing communities. It’s a very complicated issue, and one people feel strongly about on both sides.
There’s a documentary about cochlear implants you might want to check out if you haven’t already: Sound & Fury. You might also visit the forums at http://alldeaf.com/ The website itself isn’t particularly pretty, but don’t let that put you off. It’s a great place where Deaf, hard of hearing, and hearing people gather to discuss all aspects of hearing loss. There is a wealth of information & wisdom there. The people there will be able to point you towards some great resources.
@Serendipity – thanks so much for the recommendation. I appreciate it, and I know my friends will too!
Oo! Excited to be on your Gift List of coaches, thank you! Let’s see, my VPA…
1. I’d like to write a blog post this week with very little effort and stress. (Leaving lots of energy for the big projects I’m juggling at the same time!) How this could happen: I could dash off a really short post, for a change! I could get an idea that motivates me to write a post about it immediately! I could notice something going on in my life that I realize could be a post topic, and write about it with minimal effort. I could look over my list of post ideas and one of them could grab me. Someone could suggest a post idea that inspires me to write something, quickly and easily. I could notice myself having fun writing a post! I could have some insights about someone else’s post and link to it with a few brief comments, giving myself permission to be brief.
Hm, those all sound like good ways to write a post ANY time, but let’s start with this week…
2. While we’re at it, why not also a VPA for: I’d like to enjoy those Big Projects I’m juggling!, rather than stressing out about them. How this could happen: I could allow myself to feel whatever I’m feeling as I start work and continue working. I could gently ask myself, when I have the urge to take a break, whether I’m giving myself a gift or running and hiding (or both!), and listen compassionately to the answer. I could allow myself breaks way before I get tired or sore or burned out. Even if/when my inner editor is cricitizing or worrying, I could allow myself lots of awareness outside of her voice. Even if/when my inner editor is worrying, I could let myself enjoy the topic I’m engaging with and the information I’m learning and sharing and working with and transforming so it can be helpful to others.
Come to think of it, there might a blog post or two in this very comment, but I’m not going to worry about that just now.
My commitment: I’ll print out what I just wrote and read it over, every day, this week.
My GOD you couldn’t have better timing. Recent uptake in work responsibilities has me wanting, for sure.
I want PERSISTENT CLEAR HEADEDNESS. No matter what someone drops on my desk with a ridiculous expectation for turnaround.
Ahhh…I feel better already.
My ask:
To find people to help with their time management using the ProcrasDonate platform. The service works. We’ve asked a bunch of people for feedback, incorporated what we can… and now we’re ready to help people learn and feel good about the time they spend on the internet, to support their favorite charities, and to make time for their off-the-computer lives again.
My commitment:
Empowering people to use this tool will be my primary activity until December 31st.
I won’t be slimy or underhanded in my pursuit of this goal.
I will not expect to be rewarded or praised for my actions. I will pursue this ask for its own sake.
I will enjoy what I learn in the process.