Personal ads! They’re … personal! Very.
So my itty bitty personal ads made me realize that it’s time to make a regular practice of trying to feel okay asking for stuff.
Even when the asking thing feels weird and conflicted.
Ever since I posted the first one asking my perfect house to find me, which united me with Hoppy House, I have been a fan of the madness that is personal ads.
And now it’s my Sunday ritual. Yay, ritual!
Let’s do this thing.
Thing 1: walking earlier in the day.
Here’s what I want:
My gentleman friend and I have been in the habit of taking a morning walk for years.
And over the past few months it’s become an afternoon walk.
This is understandable. I get my best writing done in the morning. And I’ve been brunching* three different programs simultaneously, which has been all kinds of work.
And and and.
So right now we have this thing where I work and keep working until my gentleman friend correctly assesses that my brain is turning to mush, and promptly hauls me out for a walk, after which my spirits improve considerably.
I need the morning walk. We have to go back to the morning walk. Not that this should negate an afternoon walk. Just that the morning needs a comeback. Desperately.
* A more entertaining word for “launching”, which I always found kind of gross. Borrowed this delightful turn of phrase instantly and unapologetically from Tara the Blonde Chicken.
Here’s how I want this to work:
Oh, it would be nice if I could get back to writing blog posts a day or so early, so as not to be frantically editing the morning of.
It would also be lovely to just remember that walking is like Dance of Shiva in that the act of doing it will put me back in flow and pretty much guarantee that the rest of the day will go more smoothly.
My gentleman friend could remind me of this. Selma could want to go for a walk.
And I can use the fabulous Deguiltified Chicken Board at my Kitchen Table program that totally exists for stuff like this.
My commitment.
To remember that what is good for my body is good for everything else in my life.
To value movement, breath, earth, a glimpse of sky, reconnecting with myself over … pretty much all the other stuff.
To ask for help. To give myself permission to take my duck for a walk. To trust that this is a good thing. To practice. To not be too hard on myself if it takes a while.
Thing 2: readiness + preparation time.
Here’s what I want:
Normally I try to use the transition from December to January to get all my finances for the past year in order.
This is because I dread dread dread tax-time and all the related headaches. So this is the one thing I actually manage (sometimes, at least) to do early. To get it the hell over with.
This year because of some especially disastrous choices, unfortunate decisions and general stalled-ness, this task is made especially problematic.
I managed to do a good chunk of Sorting Out The Scary over Zombie Yule. But I’d really like some more movement on this over the next week.
Here’s how I want to get this to work:
To remember that I have marvelous resources and to use them.
To talk with Jennifer (my lovely new bookkeeping angel). A lot.
To ask my gentleman friend for help when I need help.
My commitment.
I will give myself time.
I will give myself permission to cry as much as I want.
Basically, permission to feel annoyed, frustrated, anxious, busy, stressed out, etc.
And to keep reminding myself how good this will feel in April, knowing that I don’t have to do it then.
To do whatever delightfully wacky rituals I feel drawn to in order to ground my transition into the new year.
And I’ll do them both to cheer me up and to release some of my stuckified resistance around everything that’s going on right now.
Thing 3: Flowers.
Here’s what I want:
I have this screwed up thing where I think that everything I do for myself is extravagant and unnecessary.
Working on it.
In baby steps. That’s why this week it’s about the flowers.
Ways this could work:
I could decide to buy flowers for Hoppy House.
And then to pay attention to both a. my stuff as it comes up and b. the pleasure I take in things being pretty.
My commitment.
To notice. To breathe. To smell. To practice. To let things happen in small pieces, over time, in whatever progression is necessary for now.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
I asked for more love for my house. To spend more conscious time doing stuff that would help me feel like I belong at Hoppy House.
This went pretty well. I have been continuing Hiro‘s sweet morning ritual of visiting with every corner in the house.
Some ideas about what might help are showing up. And I am working on this belonging thing. Slowly, slowly.
My second wish was help with the scary pile and I am pleased to report that the scary pile is no longer a scary pile.
Somehow, some unplanned crazy fits of filing happened this week and for that I am forever grateful.
And I wanted to spend more time being a connector-mouse and bringing people and projects together. Haven’t done anything with that but I did have an extremely bizarre dream about that the night before last.
More about that when I’m ready. Also: wow. I was sure that I hadn’t made any movement on last week’s asks, but this is actually kind of reassuring.
Comments. Since I’m already asking …
I am adding to my practice of asking for stuff by being more specific about what I would like to receive in the comments. And that way, if you feel like leaving one (you totally don’t have to), you get to be part of this experiment too. 🙂
Here’s what I want (just leave them in the comments):
- Your own personal ads, small or large. Things you’ve asked for. Or are asking for. Or would like to ask for. Or updates on last time!
What I would rather not have:
- Theories about how stuff works.
- Shoulds. As in, “You should be doing it like this” or “That’s not the right way to ask for things — instead it should be like x, y and z”
- To be judged or psychoanalyzed.
My commitment.
I am committing to getting better at asking for things even when asking feels weird.
Thanks for doing this with me!
Follow
I’m so far out of the habit of doing things that are good for me that I’m not sure how to get back in. It’s so much easier to not do it than to figure out how to do it, and so I just don’t. And I’d like that to stop.
How it could work:
I could receive guidance (but not judgment) from someone I trust. The not-judgment part is important, in part because I spent twenty minutes last night being told by some of my family how stupid I was for one of my patterns of behavior twenty years ago, when I was in primary school.
I could – with the help of the others in my household – schedule Good Habits Time, an uninterrupted and uninterruptable block where I could work on getting out of my rut and into a groove. Carving out a handhold, so to speak.
My commitment: I will remember that even though the bad habits are easier, I want to have good habits and make good choices again, and that even if the people around me judge me, it’s because they want good things for me and resent that I’m not giving them to myself, even if it feels like they’re just throwing shoes.
.-= Chris Anthony´s last post … Depression and honesty =-.
I am finally dipping my toe in the personal ad pool. Actually more like jumping in the deep end with way too big of a personal ad ask (is there such a thing?) and writing a blog post about it – using this structure really helped me gather myself so thank you.
And, sending as much comfort as you can stand for the whole tax thing. Blech. And I say that as a former CPA (blech squared) who is dreading her own. So for what it’s worth, you have loads of permission from me to hate the whole thing.
And I hope you get to enjoy the flowers : )
.-= Briana´s last post … Dear 2010. Or, Resolution Rejection Meets Personal Ad. =-.
Havi, how wonderful that you get your taxes done now so you don’t have to carry that burden with you into the new year! Wishing you ease in completing them. Also, wishing you belonging, flowers, beauty and sanctuary in Hoppy House. And a lovely walk each morning to begin your day.
My VPA today:
* For a peaceful resolution to a situation in which everyone involved is at present swimming in a morass of confusion, grief and heart-sickness. Whatever the material outcome may be, I’m asking that this situation may bring healing, wholeness, safety and grace to all.
* My commitment: To keep an open and compassionate heart; to be present with my own feelings of helplessness, pain, loss and anxiety; to trust that we are all held in loving hands; and to receive whatever comes with gratitude and grace.
Love, Hiro
.-= Hiro Boga´s last post … Sunday Poem #15: Buddhist Chronicles 5 =-.
Hi Havi sweetie and Selma ducky wonder that you are!
Oh goodness what a loaded time of year. So sending hugs and honey filled doses all round and whatever magic/divine intervention from within and without we need to get thru.
VPA for this week
To invite more clarity, flow and ease around my space and the ongoing stuckness about looking after me and moving on from oh goodness so much loss and sadness from the past.
To tackle my bedroom. Paint just one wall. Tidy one part of my computer room.
To practise as much tlc as I can muster – cos this is such a strange time of year and I have so much to be thankful for, so much newness that I feel abundant in this year. But still it’s unfamilar and a bit scary – so tlc of all kinds.
Love to all
Hugs all around. Because, yeah, intense.
Update on last week’s ad:
I still envied DD her beautiful steampunk earrings that her boyfriend’s mother got her, but finding the necklace my aunt gave me when I was ten “because you like weird things” reminded me there are still people out there who grok me.
This week, I would like a clear sense of direction. I would really like some affirmation, in a big way, that I am on the right path. I am working on a set of embroideries on hand-made felt and they are gorgeous and I love them, but my gremlin is piping up that they are just too twee and not my “real work”, even though I can see about 6 of them already and have a title for the one woman show.
I would like a mentor, because I feel lost.
I don’t know what the next step would even be. S/he wouldn’t have to be another artist, but it would be nice to have someone with a feel for the market and who would have good advice on my pricing, because I would like to feel more confident in my pricing of my higher end pieces. I want a fair price for me and for my collector.
And finally I would like courage, because I do have some inkling of some of the next steps, and I am scared.
I am open to any way any of these can happen. Even the scary ones.
.-= Andi´s last post … What It Kind of Looks Like Outside Right Now =-.
I think I will see if I can find some paperwhites this afternoon. 🙂 I had forgotten that I like to do those.
What I would like–(or like to feel more of) Patience and self-assurance. 🙂 I’d really like my personal life to shake itself out, so I can get busy on personal goals… I have a feeling I’ll have to do that concurrently.
Okay: Here’s what I want:
To elicit an opinion from myself. Having grown up in a situation where personal goals, opinions about what I like or want, tastes and preferences had to be quashed to the point that I *forgot that I might have a choice*, I would like to unquash my preferences and tastes. (ooh, ooh- is that sovereignty???)
How this could happen:
Listening to myself in quiet moments. Talking to others and being unafraid to disagree. **Losing the need to people-please.** (holy cow. I am going to have to read over my notes from the retreat again. wow.) Maybe it would happen all at once, like a light, or gradually. Goals and the things I care about could come together in a simple way.
My commitment:
I promise to not shoot down ideas that come my way, especially if they come from within. I promise to examine them and consider them and implement them if I like them!
<3
Ingrid
Yay, VPA! And since it’s my birthday, it’s also like a VPA for the whole year.
Dear Universe,
In my 37th year in this incarnation, I would really like to Get Some Work Done towards becoming my truest, bestest self. So here’s what I’d like for my birthday this year.
To be able to hear the Piece of My Life That Has Been Silent, otherwise known as remembering whatever it is I’ve forgotten, in order to bring myself to wholeness and health. There are lots of ways this could happen. It could just appear one day in meditation. I could create ritualized space for it to come to me safely. Someone else could suddenly tell me something that illuminated it all.
To come into right relationship with money, such that it is a solid and dependable resource for enabling my Right Life. I could keep working on explicit exercises. I could find books that help keep perspective. I could find people with whom to work it out.
To maintain a daily, life-giving practice and discipline. I could create reminders. My lovely wife could help me in non-guiltified ways. I could focus on how lovely it all feels. I could surround myself with people and places that support such things.
To really let myself biggify this year. I could connect with awesome people who will help me engage and dissolve my stuff. I could notice when I’m feeling avoidy. I could schedule in Time to Do My Things.
My commitment to all of these things is to keep coming back to them, even when I fall down. I commit to creating and maintaining support for myself. I commit to showing up to whatever happens.
love,
Julie
You have been working awfully hard on all these brunches for quite a spell. I wish you flowers and walks and a feeling of being at home and drinking in these goodnesses.
My VPA today has to do with being Back In The Lab this coming week, to do some DNA sequencing for dissertation stuff.
I would like to be okay with not knowing how to do every damn thing, and to be a learner. I also want patience with the strange socially-inept zombies in the lab, including my advisor, and to remember that their behavior is not about me or my presence there. Zombies will be zombies.
This could happen by letting my male energy flow, as taught to me by Hiro. [Outta my way, zombies! I got stuff to do!]
It could also be helped by setting up the proper supporting structures, like enough sleep and cooking virtuous foods to take for lunch and such.
This could happen by me consciously spending today on preparing for the week. And also by remembering to let the masculine part of me have its day, and reminding myself of my sovereignty when I feel like shrinking into a metaphorical corner so everyone else can have more space.
Good best wishes to everyone this week and this year! May all the highest intentions of all your VPAs come to pass.
Cannot imagine a simultaneous triple-brunch. Hoping you find ease in returning to the morning walk ritual.
My VPA this week:
Perspective. I want to feel the right balance of lightness and intensity around this transition to a new year. Not taking it so seriously that I get overwhelmed at the idea of planning or choosing themes or words, but not blowing it off and then feeling sorry about that later.
Ways this could happen: No idea whatsoever. I could just know what I need to do, I guess.
My commitment: To give myself permission to feel what I feel about all of this. To trust that I won’t “miss out” on something I should be doing for the transition.
May all of our VPA’s come to pass with ease!
.-= Victoria Brouhard´s last post … Happy Birthday, Blog! (Or Taking the Step in Front of You) =-.
I love the idea of filling Hoppy House with flowers, and then visiting those flowers to help you appreciate how you belong there and the house nurtures you and you care for it.
Update on Previous: I got both of the things I asked for! My holiday spirit perked right up and I baked cookies and wrapped presents and enjoyed my holidays immensely. And I had some work come in, enough that I’m busy this week and next and looking forward to the future year!
This Week’s Ask: Continued Abundance!
How This Might Happen: My marketing efforts thus far can pan out. I can get some advice for how to continue on with other marketing methods that suit my personality. I can appreciate the clients I have and work on making everything better for them, and for me working with them. I could even sell a painting or two! The universe can happily surprise me.
My Commitment: To keep doing instead of getting discouraged. To use the slow times to set up for more abundance. To keep working through the Dissolve-o-Matic and learn to be more sympathetic with myself when I’m avoiding things, whatever they are. To wend the windy path between scarcity and frugality so that I don’t fritter away the abundance I do get, but I don’t spend all my time in that place of fear, either. To appreciate the work that does come in, and always do my best.
.-= Amy Crook´s last post … Happy Christmas Commission =-.
Oh, it just occurred to me that you didn’t realize that you *were* a connector-mouse this week!
Let me share!
Because of the KT (all you, baby!) I grumbled that my computer broke and that my laptop didn’t speak to my SD card & was instantaneous connected to two different helper-mice!
1 sent me a USB/SD card love-inator (for free! because he rocks!)
1 sent me a completely wonderful laptop loaded with all the programs I used on my now-broken desktop (completely free! because she is so amazingly generous!)
I have been so super-blessed because of the connector-super-mouse you created-the Kitchen Table. Usually it’s just spiritually and emotionally blessed, but this week it was a real-live physical blessing!
.-= Tara´s last post … Sharing It =-.
@Chris Anthony: ohmygosh ohmygosh ohmygosh. I think I am — no, I *definitely* am — going to use your idea of scheduling Good Habits Time. ‘Cause that’s all I’d have to do . . no more going around with checklists and iPod apps to track each of the 6 positive habits I’m trying to start and maintain. (Yes, I’ve *narrowed it down* to six things.)
So now I have to do only one thing at night . . . one hour of Good Habits Time. (With the time I can fulfill one of the tasks/habits, or all six of them, but I wouldn’t feel guilty about it — because I stuck to my ONE assignment!!) Six things seems a little intimidating, still, but ONE thing is something I’m strong enough to do.
**doing the happy-dance and figuring out ^right now^ how to delineate the Good Habits Time into her daily routine**
@Chris Anthony Aack! Shoes! {{hugs}}
I haven’t made any progress in getting my very first blog post written. I think that’s probably because my brain is in danger of turning to mush from this project I’m working on at work. It just sucks the life out of me.
So – my VPAs for this week:
– To get my work project finished and out the door, gone forever. Preferably without working a gazillion hours and stressing myself out completely. This will take an abundance of focus and patience, so I guess that’s what I’m really asking for.
– To continue doing just one thing (thanks, Havi!) because it’s working so well.
@Julie Happy birthday! I hope it’s molto groovy!
Tara’s right about the connector-mouse thing. I got two pairs of super cool socks from Sock Dreams for xmas that wouldn’t have been on my list if not for you.
Also, I love brunch but I also dig launches. Makes me think of rocket ships, outer space, exploration, and endless possibilities.
Update: not totally over my cold but I am feeling better. Finally found a sinus/cold med that actually works to alleviate symptoms–yea.
Made some work progress per last week’s ask though not as much as I’d wanted. Did take care of some other stuff that needed doing though.
This week:
#1: A return of energy so I don’t feel wiped out after the smallest of errands and so I can get back to working out.
how: rest, good food, and patience. Start small with some stretches and build up gradually. Perhaps a yoga pose or two.
commitment: I’ll pay attention to my body so I don’t overdo it. I’ll do my best to be patient while allowing myself to feel frustrated if that’s how I feel.
#2: More shop progress: Upload more photos. Learn more about shop layout/organization options.
how: finding chunks of time to work on it. Reading help pages. Checking out other folks’ layouts to see what’s possible.
commitment: To make progress but not push myself so hard my health falls backward. To put some time toward it each weekday. To take in the info but remember sometimes I need time to process how best to utilize it. To not get too hung up on minutia as a way of avoiding blast-off.
.-= claire @claireofttat´s last post … Solstice =-.
The Ask
– to allow the birthing of what is ready to be birthed
The Happening Ways
– digging through Havi’s and Mark Silver’s archives and finding the exact right words and/or exercises to continue aiding the birthing process
-magic
– being in the right place at the right time in the right mind
-some other way that I know nothing about which keeps me safe
The Commitment
– observing my story(ies) surrounding the concepts of birth and it’s process
– pushing in a helpful, nurturing way
– remembering that I know how to do reflexive breathing and then possibly doing it, or not, no unnecessary pressure during a birth and all
I’m about to start teaching, for the third time, my university’s Seminar in College Teaching. It’s a good course, a very good course, but I’m already burned out on it, and it hasn’t even started. I have some administrative work to do, and a lot of people to disappoint because there is a waiting list of 60 people–after I made only one announcement, and it filled up in 10 minutes, evening though I sent the e-mail at like 10 p.m.
So–big expectations from people because it’s a very, very popular and much-needed course. And I’m not the one who designed the course (it’s taught by someone else during other parts of the year). It’s a good course, very comprehensive. But even in my third year of teaching it, it doesn’t feel mine.
I’m asking for the energy (so depleted these days!) to push through the administrative, letting-people-into-the-course and setting-up-the-course-website stuff (I suspect Havi and others know something about how this feels) so that I can throw myself into a frenzy of course revision to make it really, really my course. My really fabulous course on teaching and learning. I’m also trying not to resent the postdocs and almost-PhDs who signed up for it who have zero teaching experience but who expect to get–and probably will get–fabulous academic jobs anyway. (Damn scientists.) Did I mention I’ve been trying to get a tenure-trackjob for three years? And. . .nothing?
So I guess I’m asking for energy and the ability to wipe away resentment that (a) other disciplines’ job markets aren’t quite as sucky as mine and (b) I chose a discipline with a profoundly sucky job market.
How this might happen:
I could read a lot of Parker Palmer. A lot. Between his writing about depression and finding one’s true self and his writing about teaching, I should find some inspiration there.
I could stumble across some really fabulous blog posts on teaching that might inspire me.
I could mind-map my way to syllabus nirvana.
My commitment:
To leave myself space (temporal, emotional, physical, intellectual) in the next week to focus on my work–even though I’m, ahem, furloughed (see “resentment,” above), and even though I really wanted to spend this week “off” working on my own thing.
In addition, I won’t let myself feel guilty about putting my 4-year-old in daycare/preschool this week, even though I could be spending even more quality time with him. After all, I just spent the last week playing with him.
Best of luck to everyone in dealing with unexpected end-of-year intensity.
.-= Leslie M-B´s last post … In which I warm up for Tuesday’s job interview by writing about rabbits =-.
Good habits time. I definitely need to schedule that.
.-= Riin´s last post … Here I am! =-.
My first VPA!
Like you, Havi, working on piles, finances and taxes. Ugh.
The Ask:
That I continue to have focus and energy to do the filing of the pile of financial information that is strewn about my office floor.
How this happens:
I take 15- 30 minutes each day to file and sort until the pile is no more and office is organized.
That and lots of deep breathing….
My commitment:
To stay true to this task until it is done. Admire my progress,even if the room still looks like the cat threw up in there. Don’t push to “do more” because that will stress me out and scare me away from the task.
Phew–feels better to just share that with all of you!
.-= Susan´s last post … Clients are Looking for Therapists Online: Can They Find You? =-.
So with you on the yuck and the scary.
Update on last week: Dora-cat’s numbers came back much improved, though still not “normal”. She’s eating again, finally, though not enough to put on weight as fast as we’d like, but she IS putting it on. We still don’t know what caused all this, and I think I’m going to have to get used to the idea that we may never know.
I still don’t have a “real” modelstitcher, but I do have a friend stitching a model, which will get me used to the idea of designing for someone else to stitch and find the problems in the patterns, instead of me. 🙂 And one of the models that I though I was going to have to have REstitched, has maybe turned up at the local needlework store, where the old owner had had it for a class I was teaching: I never claimed it, it transferred with no information to the new owner. I can probably get it back. Yay.
So on to this week:
I need some ease in my life. This past month has been hellish, annoying, scary, and hard. I need the time to get my tax receipts together, take a deep breath, and recover from being laid off, having a sick cat, having an EO with a two-week migraine and lots of overtime, and from coughing for three months straight.
How this could work:
I could remember that taking time to sleep, or go for walks, or just do what *I* want to do at any particular time is actually GOOD for me. That I’m not slacking off. It’s called taking a vacation, and it’s really a good thing to relax and recharge. Especially when you haven’t really had a vacation in 6 years. (Oh lord. Really? That long?!) My friends and family could remind me that I need to retreat every now and then, and I haven’t been doing that. I could move up to Level 2 on the ShivaNata dvd and start getting epiphanies again, and remembering what ease feels like. I can journal about it. I can sit just for 5 or 10 minutes in the morning and enjoy the lights on the tree with my tea.
I can remember to dance. Hee! I can get out my nifty sword and do a wild pirate-relaxes in the front yard and scares the neighbors dance…
Thank you all just for being here. It’s amazing what just typing these does for me…
.-= Romilly´s last post … Universe is hitting me again! Help! =-.
This week, I am asking myself to choose a focus for the coming year — something nourishing and inspiring, broad enough to reach many dimensions of my life, yet particular enough to hold and feel its shape. In essence, I am looking for a word or a phrase that makes me smile contentedly on the inside, and keeps me moving steadily forward on the outside.
How this can happen: Maybe it’ll come to me in a dream, or while driving, or journaling, or after Shiva dancing.
My commitment: I will welcome the question as my constant companion this week, and leave a light on inside me to welcome the answer when it arrives
Hi!
So, I’m first-time real-time(ish) posting, while I’m sorta packing to go back home to Boston (yay!) after a week at my mom/stepfather’s in San Diego, and I’m just sorta typing in the right here and now without thinking because otherwise I’ll get freaked out about posting because I’m really just in awe of the coolness I witness here … and? AND, right – my point! My point!
The VPA seemed like a VCT (very cool thing) and I guess it percolated away at the back of my brain. So, sitting in a coffee shop this week, figuring out what to do and how to not panic in my new I-think-I-wanna-be-a-freelance-writer/editor-when-I-grow-up-which-is-apparently-right-now state (deep inhale after large mouthful) … I up and wrote a VPA ad for myself with a real live pen and paper, about finding my right people with the money who need my skills and who I really want to apply my skills for.
So, OK. I get back to my mom’s. I check email. There’s an email from someone I don’t know in LinkedIn, requesting a link, and mentioning maybe possibly having some work in the future.
gulp.
There … aren’t … words. Totally magic, right? Like you all. What does or doesn’t happen with this one specific person so isn’t the point (though it sure would be great to have it work, if he’s a right person). It’s … WOW. How’d THAT all happen?????? VPAs are POWERFUL!
So, my VPA? More of that same magic/continuation of my first VPA! And, adding to original commitment – to acknowledge, to gratitude, to give back as much as I can.
.-= Shana´s last post … Perhaps not my most profound, nor coherent =-.
@Julie, Happy Birthday! (I’m a bit late, but, you know, time zones)
@Shana, congratulations on your VPA success and also, yay Boston! I grew up there but now I live in a less snowy place 🙂
Progress from last week:
I had asked for some strength in my dealings with four different people who were pushing my buttons. I can say that I had success with half of them, which is huge (for me).
I also wrote a private VPA – it was way too long – and it may have just been answered. Wow!
So this week I’m going to ask for something a bit broader. I’d like some concentration, some awareness in my communication with people. I’d like to wait for a second before speaking and try to speak with intention.
Ways this could work: Um, a LOT of practicing. Obviously this is not going to happen in a week. I might make it the VPA for all of next year.
My commitment: I will use all the resources I can find to do this. I’ll find some little object or phrase to remind me to take a second before saying something I might regret. I’ll try to remember that this will make huge changes in my life, for the better.
So excited for 2010! Have a great week everyone.
Havi and Selma –
I’ve been lurking for a while and wanted to say hello. I’ve found a lot here that’s been extremely helpful and am grateful for it. I very much owe Ms. Pam Slim a beer.
Like spiralsongkat, I’ve been looking for a theme for 2010. Something that built upon the one from 2009: A little pressure on the understood boundaries of myself.
That theme worked amazingly well, almost to the point where the word little should be said with sarcasm and air quotes!
2010 needs to be about shoring up the foundation so I can manage all of the amazingness that’s come into my life so it keeps being amazing and doesn’t become burdensome. So that I don’t lose the fun. Because I can see that coming and I’m starting to tense up in preparation for something that’s not even here yet.
You’re written some things about spending intentional time with yourself that I really want to think about. About being who you are even if it’s a little bit quirky. That being polished and professional is probably not where I do my best work. My process is messy and that might be okay.
So I’m giving myself permission to take the time to find the right words to express what it is that I need for the coming year. It doesn’t have to spring forth fully formed at the stoke of midnight on January 1st. I give myself permission for that to be okay.
Happy New Year –
Jana
.-= Jana Knapp´s last post … JLKnapp: There are 4 days left in 2009. Making a list of things to close out – and reflecting on all the amazing things. =-.
This is very, very scary and I cannot believe I’m going to answer this question publicly bc that’s so un-me, but I think that writing it down and being intentional is the best path to getting what you want.
Here’s what I want: I want my new website to be what I set it out to be. That is, a space where I can be creative and push my boundaries and explore my voice and my more aesthetic side, rather than being all business/numbers/productivity all the time. I want it to be a place where I’m wholly, authentically me. And, unlike my team-oriented real-world day job, I want to be able to do this alone. Holy crap, that’s scary for me.
Here’s how I want this to work: I want to not make this project about me getting people to like me. That’s forever and ever my first impulse: wondering if I’m ok enough. And that always is measured by what others think of me. I want to not compulsively check subscriber numbers or comment numbers or Google Analytics numbers. I want to not live and die by how much praise I get.
I want to not compare myself to others. I want to not wonder if I’m good enough on my own.
In short: I want, in this one, single area of my life only, to have my opinion be the only one that matters to me. For the first time in my life, I want to value my own opinion of myself. It’s great when people say nice things about Penelope, but I want it not to be the reason I do things. I don’t want popularity to be the goal.
And that is as impossible-sounding to me as asking for wings to sprout from my back right now so I can fly. I simply cannot imagine caring only what I think. It’s not in my DNA. Or, it hasn’t been. And I want to change that.
My commitment: I will ask myself every time I have an insecure thought if that thought is bringing value to the project.
I will give myself time to build the website and not scream at myself or get paralyzed by fear when things are not going as fast or as well as I’d like.
I will give myself room to flail around and find my voice, instead of always thinking I should be perfect right from the start.
I will tell myself that I’m ok no matter what happens and that this project is about growth, not fear.
I will be my own friendly voice, rather than a scared or fearful one.
I will not give up, even when I’m scared.
.-= Meredith from Penelope Loves Lists´s last post … A sweet way to say thanks =-.
Here it goes… my first VPA entry…
What I want:
This year I want to open my heart and forget about fear so I can allow expressions of love and adoration to flow freely. My feeling expressor has been blocked, protected, whatever you want to call for far too long. I’m ready for a lasting love to come into my life and it will not happen if the dam isn’t released.
How it could happen:
Speaking simple thoughts as soon as the come into thought about a special someone. If speaking isn’t an option at that moment, write it down. SAY IT !!!
My commitment:
Trust my heart and push aside feelings of fear. Life is too short!
There you have it Universe!
To Havi…thank you for the inspiration! It was a pleasure meeting you in Sacramento. For 2010 I believe I may take your direction and outline ALL of my wants outloud in my blog. 🙂
Cheers!
Geanette
Very Personal Ad Progress:
So, last week week, I asked for my ideal client to please come along in the middle of a bunch of clients that I was so so about. And she did! Which is great, I’m really excited to work on this project. There’s nothing more satisfying than helping your Right People make money.
Current VPA things:
More Right People clients, obviously. Although this feels a little selfish given the good luck I’ve had so far.
Permission(and time!) to spend some time rearranging my house so I can simplify my life and really move in. I’ve lived here for six months, and I sort of still feel like I’m at the messy box stage.
.-= Holly´s last post … Last-Minute Deals At Cottage Copy =-.