So. Selma and I are using the last week of 2009 to get some things in order.
There’s the casual “hey, this is me accounting for things”. And the “looking at the books” sort of accounting. And some “cheshbon nefesh” — which is literally soul accounting, but more of a thoughtful taking stock of what is and how you got there.
Anyway, related to all this, I’m listing a bunch of things that are on my mind in this symbolic time-of-transitioning.
And yeah, please keep in mind that if I don’t happen to mention you specifically as someone fabulous, it’s not that I don’t think you’re fabulous — totally not personal.
The phrase I wish had been spray-painted on my office wall this year.
Ugh. It’s so completely simple that I feel stupid bringing it up.
And yet every single thing in my life would have been better this year if I’d just had access to these nine words.
“Can I get a progress report on this please?”
So many times this year I let something slide when that wasn’t the thing to do.
All because I didn’t know how to ask for what I wanted without worrying that I’d come across as bitchy, angry, nagging, domineering, whatever.
And so I would wait for the right words to show up. And occasionally they did. But more often than not they didn’t. And then I would be left feeling even more frustrated, helpless and vulnerable.
This year I’m planning on using those words a lot. I’m also going to be considerably more cautious about lending money, bringing people into my business and making exceptions.
Actually, I kind of think I’m done lending money. We’ll see what happens.
Two businesses I’m betting on for 2010.
Rebecca Prien, the attorney you have been dreaming of your entire life.
Kind. Wise. Non-sleazy. Non-scary. Works with smart, goofy, creative types. Cares about you. A lot.
She has dogs who work for her! Kind of the way Selma works with me. Plus she had a Catholic Hindu Yogini Christmas Tree for Zombie Yule.
Basically she’s neat.
And she’s offering something that is so so so needed in this world.
Her site is called Counsel to Creativity.
And she blogs. About law-related stucknesses.
I see good things for her.
Heidi Fischbach’s Aardvark creams.
First of all, Heidi is amazing.
Second, the phrase “lotions and potions for mixed-up emotions” is brilliant.
Third, this stuff is crazy addictive.
Fourth, the idea of something you can put on your body that eases anxiety? Win.
One piece of hard-earned wisdom from 2009.
You can have a lot of love for someone and still not trust them.
Some things are more subtle and more complex than we would like them to be.
My favorite word from 2009.
Oh yes.
Sovereignty.
I got this from Hiro.
I described it here as: “Sovereignty, again, is the quality of owning your space. It’s feeling so safe being you, that you can’t be shaken from yourself.”
And here as “the quality of owning your space so completely and fully that you can’t be shaken from being you. You get to be the (pirate-ey or not) queen — or king — of your own fabulous kingdom. Or queendom. Or whatever.”
But yeah. That invisible crown that lets you know that you have the right to take up space in this world.
What I want more of in 2010.
Permission. Lots and lots of permission. The kind that I give to myself.
To sleep in. To play. To release guilt. To notice patterns without judging myself for having them.
To balance playtime with naptime, innovating with resting, making with breaking.
To let myself be silly. Out loud. Online. In every corner of my life.
Comment zen for today.
Share away.
If you want to do any of these little contemplative exercise-things yourself, you’re more than welcome to.
Or if you want to reflect or not reflect or whatever, rock on.
We all have stuff. We’re all working on our stuff. We’re practicing. Which is why we do our best to not throw shoes.
Big love.
Follow
I agree, Heidi’s potions are addictive and SO powerful. Just when I think the effect is in my head (and maybe it is, it still works!) I use one without expecting a reaction, and BZAM! change. Love. It.
Phrase I wish had been spray-painted on my office wall this year:
Trust that it is all okay, and that if it seems not all okay, trust.
Two businesses I’m betting on for 2010:
My own (I am now officially working for myself). (!!!)
Challenge Day (www.challengeday.org) –because they really make a difference.
Hard-earned wisdom for 2009:
Living halfway won’t get me a discount at the end.
Favorite word of 2009: Surrender.
What I want more of in 2010:
Living big/biggification.
Letting go/trust.
Deeper authentic connections.
Living outside of the edges and being okay with teetering.
Sex.
Good books.
The Diana F+ kit
A winning lottery ticket.
More time spent in Italy.
(at this point, it should be obvious that I’m writing up a little order for to the Universe at Large to see what happens).
~ I loved your post, Havi! ~
What I want more of in 2010: movement. Of the forward variety.
I have taken steps to help make it happen (signing up for the Kitchen Table and the Destuckification retreat being important ones), so I’m really feeling hopeful when I think of what this new year will bring.
.-= Josiane´s last post … Noticing – the dragonfly edition =-.
Ooo I’ll go. This looks fun.
The phrase I wish I had spraypainted on my office wall this year:
Quit! It’s scary but you can handle it! (I finally got around to quitting by October and am now a happy freelancer looking forward to bigger things)
My favorite word from 2009:
Resonance. I learned this from you, and now I finally have a word for when something just feels right in my soul. This has been the first of many years that I’ve allowed myself to listen to my intuition and trust it. Celebrating an occasion on which I have found resonance was the first way I was able to start accessing this long mute part of myself.
What I want more of in 2010:
Shavasana. Being able to celebrate and express gratitude to my mind and body whenever it accomplishes something hard. Taking a moment to pause at a plateau that was a difficult climb instead of shrugging off the moment of victory as quickly as possible. Allowing that time for rest and refueling and thankfulness.
Havi, I love your description of “soul accounting”–taking stock of the year and the growth, learning and movement that’s flowed through it.
My theme for 2010 is love. In all its power, its sovereignty, its freedom to be…and in the gorgeous over-the-top playground it makes for us to grow into our lives and our selves.
May permission build you a safe container to play, create, be as silly as you can be, and have fun doing whatever you do in the new year!
Love, Hiro
.-= Hiro Boga´s last post … Sunday Poem #15: Buddhist Chronicles 5 =-.
Dear Havi,
I’m going from being a lurker to a commenter–so hey, there’s a transition right there. I just wanted to thank you, now when you’re thinking about transitions, for helping me so much with mine.
I’m an actress-writer-creative-type who just graduated from college, moved halfway across the country from home, and has been trying to balance a day job, creativity, and friendships. I also have a pattern of major transition-related anxiety, where my subconscious chooses one aspect of my life and makes it almost irrationally unbearable. That aspect was my waitressing job this time around. But through the magic of the interwebs, I found your blog, and it’s been a huge source of comfort and sanity to me as I’ve been dealing with this pattern.
I quit my job today, for a number of reasons. I’ve got ideas for what I can do instead, some even entrepreneurial. In the new year, I want balance between work and play, a working situation that doesn’t give me panic attacks, and–wait, you know what? Screw balance. Give me more play, period, please, universe.
And Havi? Thanks. I feel completely armed with ways to get through this stuck, thanks to you. Best of luck with everything you want for 2010.
Love,
Laura
Ooooh. Good one. “Can I get a progress report on that?” I could have used that, or maybe something like “Have you started yet?” and “How far along is it?” It would have worked for my own stuff AND my work-work stuff. In fact, hold on (gets up with dry-erase marker and shuffles over to the board), there.
Thanks!
.-= Emily´s last post … Winding Down, Gearing Up…for Awesomeness or, Well, Something =-.
@Emily
I like that! Accountability in a gentle way. Now I just need a whiteboard to write it on. Hmm.
Finding the right words is so important and so hard for me. It’s always exciting for me to find the “right” words for a situation that makes me feel comfortable saying them and yet still getting my message across without the feelings you stated above.
Thanks for this one:
“Can I get a progress report on this please?”
Also, this year began thinking about:
“Sovereignty”
Thank you and Hiro for this and may it continue and grow within me for 2010.
And I’m with @Josiane in wanting forward movement for 2010. They way I’ve started this is by starting Shiva Nata, @ElizabethPW classes on “6 Weeks to Live Your Truth” and “4 Weeks to Video”, almost finished reading the NVC book, barely started Procrastination Dissolve-o-Matic (as I’ve been procrastinating…), and I’m on the waiting list for the Kitchen Table. I figure if I don’t get into the Kitchen Table it means that the time is not right and that’s okay.
I’m not much of one for formal resolutions, but I do find low-key end-of-the-year transitiony rituals kind of comforting.
For 2009 I chose “flow” as the concept I wanted to work on, and while I’ve made progress, I don’t think I’m ready to let that go quite yet, so I’m going to hang on to it for 2010.
I cleaned up some nagging physical and metaphorical messes (mostly the result of not paying enough attention to flow before) this past year, and I’ll be celebrating that this new year’s even as I continue work on the few that remain.
.-= Lori Paximadis´s last post … Best of 2009: Place =-.
I’m in!
The phrase I wish had been spray-painted on my office wall this year.
“It is OK to ask for what you want.”
Two businesses I’m betting on for 2010.
Pink Panda Fabrics (http://www.pinkpandafabrics.com/), because Cheryl rocks and fabric is fun!
Baaad Anna’s (http://www.baaadannas.com/) because the name is awesome, and yarn is also fun.
One piece of hard-earned wisdom from 2009.
“You do not have to have all the answers right away.”
My favorite word from 2009.
“Dream” (As in, my dreams matter.)
What I want more of in 2010.
Confidence. And time, of course, but that’s not entirely in my control.
.-= Amber´s last post … Resolving to Live Sustainably =-.
I most especially liked the one about permission. And I want to experience all those wonderful lotiony potiony thingies.
My phrase for 2009 was ‘Loving Attention’. I had the realisation that all things need loving attention to flourish but that attention is a very finite resource. I needed to be much more selective about what I brought into my life.
I also got into the habit of writing down useful phrases and pinning to my noticeboard. So far I’ve got, “simplify, simplify, simplify” and “if you’re stuck, break it down”. However, my favourite and the one I want to use for the rest of my life is, “Is it useful? Is it fun?” I’m trying to look at opportunities and obligations and decide whether they’re useful and/or fun. If they’re neither of these things, then I’d better have a damn good reason for letting them into my life!
My word for 2010 is going to be something along the lines of Foundations/Rebuilding/Taking Stock.
.-= Kirsty Hall´s last post … 3 Score & 10 =-.
I need permission to grow.
I need permission to do the things that make me happy without needing to fill that time with stress and worry and guilt and things that just generally make miserable.
I need permission to be me. A happy me.
That would be beautiful.
I don’t know if sovereignty is quite the word I’m looking for to encapsulate my theme for 2010, but I know that there is going to be a helluva lot less doormat-ishness and a lot more getting back in the driver’s seat of my own life.
Yeah.
Here’s to 2010.
Permission? Permission! Yes, permission! I’ve been “allowing” in 2009 but that was not enough to rid me of the guilt that came along with allowing nice things for myself.
But permission feels different. I like it. Thank you for sharing permission!
Also, as a word of warning, I’m going to combine Aardvark and Shiva in 2010. I don’t know what the results will be but I expect to spend more time on the floor in hysterics.
Love this post. Lots of thoughts swimming around in my head…
@Amy Dry erase markers work on mirrors, too. 🙂
The phrase I wish was tattooed on my wall this year:
No one else will do it for you.
Lesson learned from this year:
If I want my work out there, I need to step up and start putting it out there (see above).
My word for 2010:
Metamorphosis. I have been cocooning for long enough, it is time to stretch the wings and fly.
Sovereignty fits in there as well. Because I have had all kinds of epiphanies about how I was raised and how I keep waiting for someone else to tell me it is ok to be me, and love what I love. I’m beginning to grok that the only person whose opinion really matters on that is mine. In the words of Dr Seuss “those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind”.
I am scared. I am excited. I am ready. 🙂
.-= Andi´s last post … Alice and Friends =-.
I may have to borrow all of these words, lessons, qualities, sayings for myself.
@Annie – Aardvark Shiva! I want in!
Hi people!
Okay, my theme recently has been “support”. I’d like to carry that forward into the new year. But – I also want to add some lightness to that. Some *play*.
I don’t have a clue quite how to achieve that, but that’s what I want!
.-= Lucy Viret (aka randomling)´s last post … More mini-announcements! =-.
Hi Havi! Wow, thank you.
I’m writing this in the airport feeling like a ricotta stuffed pork sausage. But I just had to write.
I love the honesty and authenticity of everyone’s comments. “Yes, yes and yes” is what I have to say. Transition; growth; voice. Sovereignty.
What I wish was painted on my office wall and my Hard Earned learning for the year are the same: So what?
My guru, Ma Jaya Sati Bhagavati, tells a wonderful story of a sage teaching her the key to the universe: So what?
I really had to learn to say that and mean it this year.
A note from my Swami has actually hung above my desk for the last 6 weeks: “Not too kooky, smart and creative, deep and outside the box. Don’t knock my lawyer girl.”
I’m taking that into 2010 with me.
Along with the theme of Nurturance.
Time for me to value and take care of myself.
And so I’m betting on my practice for 2010.
‘Cause we all need to bet on ourselves.
**Special thing I wish I had spray painted on my wall:
“I can forgive me.”
Thing I wish I had painted on my wall:
You are worth it. Especially when you don’t believe it.
I am betting on my business. Because I really like @Rebecca’s reminder that “we all need to be on ourselves.”
Hard-earned wisdom:
Energy work leads to working on your stuff. Working on your stuff is not fun at all. (I think I had a vague notion that energy work – if there was actually something to it – might be fun. Ha.)
My favorite word:
sovereignity – thanks to @Havi and @Hiro for sharing that – I love it
What I want more of in 2010:
Joy .. I really really need it ..
The phrase I wish was spray-painted on my wall this year: “Play with it!” Perhaps that would have helped me unclench more often, and stop allowing tension and panic to get in my way.
One piece of hard-earned wisdom from 2009: When I get agitated and short-tempered, the people around me often get agitated ahd short-tempered, too. The more they love me, the likelier this is to happen. It’s the dark side of empathy, perhaps. If I want my daughter to learn how to feel her feelings, yes, and allow them, but not get utterly lost in them, then I want to model that for her, to the best of my ability.
My favorite word from 2009: Ocean. I didn’t get there this year, but I’m learning to carry an ocean inside of me, so I can access it whenever I need it.
What I want more of in 2010: Sovereignty. Oh, absolutely. In fact, why wait? There are still a few days left in 2009, days that will be better days if I wear my crown. Visualizing it now…
.-= Kathleen Avins @spiralsongkat´s last post … If blogging can be therapy, can it also be triage? =-.
thing i wish i had painted on my wall:
you can’t get blood from a turnip – stop trying.
i am betting on:
my self and that i can create whatever i want by taking small simple actions, looking at the effects and then taking another step.
This is some serious genius wisdom from you today Havi:
You can have a lot of love for someone and still not trust them. —— that’s so true its simply astounds me with it’s truth and that I can hold both at the same time is amazing.
Some things are more subtle and more complex than we would like them to be.———– this is also really an amazing insight. a close friend of mine says “don’t make the simple complex, and don’t make the complex simple” – I was trying to make a very complex situation simple and it took me til this moment to realize i was trying to make a very complex situation, with subtle distinctions simple – and that’s why it didn’t work.
my favorite word:
rest
what i need more of in 2010:
ease
.-= Char´s last post … Anything But Ordinary =-.
Been lurking for a short time. I wanted to comment before because some things you say resonate in a really profound way for me, but here’s my first commment.
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the made-up words! 🙂
The other comment is that I spent the week in Bat Yam (Israel) to get a different perspective (I live in Jerusalem). I had a big personal project that I wanted to finish and I just couldn’t. Assisted by a few bits of beautiful synchonicity, I gave myself a week away from everything to work on that and only that. I probably rewarded myself more than I actually worked, but the project is done and I can start 2010 with a clean plate.
My personal wish for 2010 is to allow myself to pat myself on the back for finishing the project and getting over the mental block without criticizing myself for not doing all the other things I could have also been doing at the same time.
And more than that to be able to feel what the right direction is for me for 2010. It happened before – after all, how does a girl raised in Yakima, WA, end up in Israel anyway? – and I believe with all my heart that it will happen again.
p.s. A theme that you’ve touched on lately which rings very true to me is that sometimes the people you hope, wish and desire to be your right people, aren’t. Or sometimes, they aren’t your right people right now.
Oohhh.. Transitions! I’m learning to love them. After all, it’s kind of the eternal state of being, isn’t it?
Not sure about my words and themes for the past and new years,… Kind of liking flow, sensuality and vibrance right now. But I figure I will let the words live themselves up in my life. Totally open to whatever happens!
In any case, I wanted to thank Havi and everyone else that makes this fabulous place be what it is. I wish you all the best of the best! Lots of love and passion for life and yourselves.
.-= Melody´s last post … Mhhmmm… Random Moaning (and why I don’t care what you think) =-.
@ (Lurker) Laura What you said struck me hard. When you proclaimed “screw balance” in favor for more play, I realized that sometimes I strive for balance so much that I cut out spontaneity. I do do lots of spontaneous things like jumping in a snow bank in the middle of a bustling New York street, but was my head it the right place? I’ve got to think about this.
Thanks for giving me something to mull over today!
.-= Lydia, Clueless Crafter´s last post … On Continuity =-.
Okay, I’m so bookmarking (and maybe printing) this entire post with comments because there is so much positive change and great ideas for the coming year.
Thank you all!