A breath for these tough times

Sending out extra wishes of Safety & Sanctuary for everyone in the path of the California wildfires, what a scary time we are in, inhaling and exhaling for everything getting peaceful as swiftly as possible.

Announcement / get your copy of Emergency Calming Down Techniques

I’ve been reeling hard lately in some cursed combination of heartache, numbness, political anxiety, winter stuff and some wild panic episodes.

Have been holding on (for dear life) to my Emergency Calm The Hell Down Techniques from a long time ago, and it’s been helping.

I am giving away a copy of these (ebook + audio recordings) to anyone who gives any sum of money to the appreciation funds / discretionary fund in the hopes that we can all keep practicing together, for each other and for the collective, and also for ourselves in these scary times. ❤️

January of Vanquishing, for example…

Push-pull

As always at this time of year, I am experiencing the odd reversed-magnets push-pull of wanting to do everything and nothing. Pulled and repelled, at the same time.

Thinking about how, on the one hand the external culture is so loud and persistent in its pressure towards initiating shifts and changes for the new year, and on the other hand it is this gloomy-grey moody-sleepy hibernation weather here.

There is so much expectation to be BACK INTO IT, making progress, getting stuff done. And yet, seasonally the vibe is off. I have a hard time when my friend the sun is not visiting.

Who even has the energy

The other night the temperature went down to 7 degrees Fahrenheit (-14C), and I don’t have central heating, and who has the energy for projects and goals when you’re just trying to get through it.

Meanwhile, my southern hemisphere friends are in siesta mode, and who can blame them, that’s what is indicted by the weather. January might come with expectations of NEW & IMPROVED, but January doesn’t exist in a vacuum.

We live in a world of seasons, and the calendar-expectation season doesn’t line up with the seasonality of the natural world.

Though at the same time, yes, I get it, of course it is so tempting to NEW-START a bunch of things for a fresh new year with a new number. Blank slate! Fresh new start! Let’s go! I feel that too.

Naming and acknowledging that

So, that’s how it goes. The push-pull of January.

Naming and acknowledging that, the weight of that, the energy of that, the familiar conundrum of it all.

And in the meantime, I am running my experiments and also noticing the big feelings arising around them. Keeping on keeping on.

It is good to name and notice. It might sometimes keep us from falling into the trap of cultural expectations, or if we do fall into it, we can have more compassion towards ourselves in that experience too.

January is for Vanquishing, among other things

My friend said earlier this month that January is for Vanquishing, and I like the energy of that (ignited! sparks! fuel! drawn swords! we trained for this!), and I too am pulled to knock a bunch of items off the list or get them out of my car.

There is something fun and lighthearted and [Just Keep It Moving] about VANQUISHING.

And also there are the days when running Navy SEAL ops* is a lot of effort.

*Navy SEAL ops = doing whatever it takes to get out of a warm cozy bed.

Or when it simply feels impossible to stay on top of even seemingly smaller tasks, aka making sure there is food, and that I take time prepare it and eat it, never mind taking steps towards progress on the projects that feel larger and more pressing.

The power of [the opposite of defeated]

Clearly one reason I am pulled towards this mysterious property of VANQUISHING is that it feels diametrically opposed to how I feel a lot of the time in winter. As though I am just hanging on.

Vanquishing has oomph and energy to it. It is a stretch goal, which is a funny-to-me phrase that I talked about last time.

It reminds me of how a friend of mine told me that her word this year is THRIVING, and this word felt so remote to me that I immediately added it to my own wish list as the ultimate stretch goal.

Who is the version of me who feels good about THRIVING and VANQUISHING, who is the version of me who has the energy for something beyond Fortitude, Resilience, and Keeping On Keeping On?

I am curious and excited to find out!

Curious and excited, that’s already such a real shift in the landscape…

Yes, I am curious and excited to find out more. This itself is a form of treasure.

Whether I get to a new relationship with the qualities of Vanquishing & Thriving or not. Just the fact that they have piqued my curiosity is such a gift in these times of real and perceived hardships and heartaches.

The power of tiny and vanquished!

Holly pointed out that there can be great power and pleasure in the idea of simple and tiny things VANQUISHED!

Almost as if they are vanquishing themselves.

“Like a to-do list but more fun! “

Example:
Dust mote – VANQUISHED!
Water glass – VANQUISHED!
Trash – VANQUISHED!
One Dish – VANQUISHED!

Keep it simple, keep it tiny

It really is much more fun to write VANQUISHED than it is to check something off.

SOLVED! It Solved Itself.

And the best way for me to do this is to vanquish very small steps, and to name and appreciate each small vanquishing.

Sometimes at the end of the day, I like to list anything at all that I did that helped. You’re doing amazing, sweetie. Good job, releasing excess energy by jogging in the kitchen. Good job, remembering what helps, and taking any steps towards feeling better.

Self-tending is vanquishing too, in a good way. Noticing the wins is also a form of channeling the energy of vanquishing.

Partners in Vanquishing

I was lucky enough to have a covid-conscious friend visiting in town for a chunk of this month, so I got to have some company in vanquishing.

“Hey, can you help me vanquish a couple things on my list or keep my company while I’m in vanquishing mode?” is such a tremendous form of support, and one I appreciate when I have it.

But also I can vanquish with people from afar, by body-doubling, by phone, by text, or simply imagining that someone is keeping me company as I VANQUISH the low-hanging fruit items of the box of in.

Or I can ask for help from the Cowboy of the Bunkhouse, aka the version of me who likes doing chores and getting one thing done and then the next. They are happy to accompany me in spirit, and I forget this but sometimes I remember.

Noticing what works, noticing what has already solved itself

Sometimes I get overwhelmed by all the vanquishing yet to be done, or still undone, and then all I want to do is FLOP.

Then I need to remind myself of what has already been solved or solved itself, and remind myself that the rest is in the process of solving itself too.

One small step and then the next step. It’s fractal progress, a fractal process, and it counts.

Non-zero forward movement, good job. Shake it out, breathe it out, dance it out, you’re doing great.

Roundabout vanquishing

Going for a walk in the pasture isn’t necessarily a form of vanquishing, although it does sometimes vanquish a grumpy mood or some particularly unpleasant thoughts.

I have noticed that even though I tend to think of it as time away from vanquishing, it does often also free up some brain space or focus for vanquishing more and later.

The indirect approach can be a good one. It’s okay to take what seems like the long way. Sometimes it works like a labyrinth, and just when you think you are farthest away, you are actually closest to the center!

This requires a lot of trust, sometimes more than I have available, and yet it is all part of this time period is for Vanquishing.

There are days when things get crossed off and days when I have to walk it out and trust a lot.

It’s definitely not about [done] because what’s that

It’s very easy, while vanquishing, to fall into all the traps of wanting to strive and achieve and get it all done, when there is no get it all done. And when pushing too hard leads to burnout.

That’s not the spirit of vanquishing I’m going for.

What I want is something that feels grounded, playful, intuitive, curious, something I am honing.

Yes to forward movement, yes to increased focus. But not trying to do the impossible thing of solving it all.

Just making some space, clearing the decks, tending to the hearth fire of my yeses. Taking breaks to rest and re-assess.

Knowing and trusting when is the hard part for me for sure

If it’s a Wild Winds day or a bad brain weather day, I need to just drop everything and focus on whatever self-tending I am capable of, like bake cake, or shave my legs by the space heater, or read a cookbook and make notes if I have the ability to do anything from the list of [things that help].

Not every day is a doing day, as much as I want it to be.

All of those things are small vanquishings that support the bigger vanquishings.

What else?

Here are some notes I took about what I want to channel in 2025:

Stay Courageous. Let’s be Rooted in Courage, Rooted in Gratitude, Rooted in Guidance, Rooted in Miracles. Every step counts.

Here is my compass of courage

Starting from north, moving clockwise:

Courage, trust, guidance, miracles, recalibration, motivation, attuning thriving.

I am picturing courage as both the north and center of my compass, because I need exponential and amplified courage to do my vanquishing.

But also have been thinking a lot about how MOTIVATION feels like my biggest word or wish for the year, something about getting my mojo back in all ways but especially for doing work that feels meaningful.

Add Ease (add what is needed)

Of course, we need ease to be in there too, or maybe it’s about some form of Add Ease to everything, including all the other qualities.

Add Ease. Add Thriving. Stay Curious.

The words I know the most about are the first ones, the others feel a bit out of reach but part of goal-wishing is inviting what is out of reach… yes, let it be a stretch, like a bobcat reaching and extending a paw gracefully and purposefully towards…

Towards what? Towards whatever it is reaching for. Let’s reach and extend, staying grounded and purposeful. Yes. Okay. This feels vital.

What does the self of VANQUISHING know? What do they wish I knew?

This is an interesting if slightly scary stone to skip. Let’s find out…

Self of VANQUISHING says: Vanquishing is actually a form of REDUCING. It is about compactness. To get the better of something by force or strategy It’s about being strategic.

Right now you have so many small situations that are disproportionately stressing you out. With each VANQUISHING, we are creating space and harmoniousness. We are saying ONE LESS THING TO WORRY ABOUT.

Or your mother used to say, NOW WE’RE GETTING SOMEWHERE.

But the point is not to get addicted to the game of vanquishing more and more things, the point is still to stay attuned to playfulness and possibility.

What will help me stay playful with the practice of Vanquishing?

Aka to avoid the trap of getting subsumed by wanting to check off all the boxes, and to avoid the trap of getting so overwhelmed by the impossibility of it all that I do nothing…

Self of VANQUISHING says: Think of it like physical training. In Feldenkrais, for example, there is this idea that you love of moving from the impossible to the possible, from possible to easy and from easy to elegant or effortless.

This can also easily become a trap where you become obsessed with trying to make more things possible. Or easy. Or elegant and effortless. But you know from years of experience that the way around that trap is to have fun experimenting with playful movement.

You enjoy when more becomes possible, but you also enjoy the process of each day you tried the impossible thing and it either got easier or it didn’t, but you showed up to play anyway. You showed up in service of tending to your body and being present with your body.

Range of motion changes in either direction based on a variety of circumstances, but the showing up to be playful and present is the real practice.

What is needed? What is next?

The best way for me to keep things lighthearted and playful is to rename them, so I want to make sure that everything on my list has a fun name and has been broken down to a small enough starting step.

If anything on my list is stressing me out or scaring me, that’s where I want to start. SAFETY FIRST. I don’t want scary things on my list. Rename and then name the tiniest starting steps.

What supports vanquishing?

Adequate rest (which is always going to be more than I think I need). Self-tending and self-treasuring.

Tending to the tiger (me).

Rolling around on the floor, speaking of things I need to do more of than I think is needed. But also in speaking of things that it’s always worth doing for just one minute, even if I’m convinced that it won’t be enough.

Praise. God I need so much praise. The number of times a day I need to be like, yes, you are doing such a good job, you are so brave, thank you for keeping at it, but hey, whatever works and this is a good thing to know about yourself.

Rest supports vanquishing

Yes. Rest supports vanquishing.

And so does lowering the bar.

And compassion because like we said, it’s not the season for this energy but we are experimenting with it anyway.

Body doubling helps me and BOP time! BOP = be on phone, with a friend, while vanquishing, thanks to Darcy for the wonderful term of phrase.

And being so patient with myself, when I can, to the extent that I can. Reducing expectations, reducing overwhelm, being tender with myself, naming what is working. Double extra bonus points for trying.

What is my next step?

Just start, babe. (This is me talking to myself, you don’t have to start anything unless you want to obviously).

I am going to just start. Let’s do anything, anything at all, however small, and then say VANQUISHED.

And then keep going? Sure, why not. If that feels right. Or maybe it’s time to rest more.

Take breaks, keep going, notice what we notice, onward, courage

Let’s take so many breaks. Notice what we notice.

Appreciate what worked or helped. Maybe even appreciate what didn’t work and take notes for next time — it’s all information, there are good clues and useful clues, good job for trying something, that’s how experiments work!

Let’s keep trying things, let’s keep supporting each other, let’s keep appreciating the courage that it takes, let’s keep going.

Come play in the comments, I appreciate the company

Leave a pebble (o) to say you were here, so I know I’m not doing this alone.

Also it feels good to pick up a pebble and place it somewhere, I have noticed.

And of course you are welcome to share anything that sparked for you while reading, anything that helped, clues received, or anything on your mind, wish some wishes, process what’s percolating…

I am lighting a candle for us and our beautiful heart-wishes. What a brave thing it is to allow ourselves to want something better for us and for the world.

Or if there’s anything you’d like to explore further or toss into the wishing pot, the healing power of the collective is no small thing, companionship helps.

Whatever comes to mind or heart. Let’s support each other’s hope-sparks…

Housekeeping note: You can subscribe to posts by email again!

If you aren’t seeing these updates in your in your email and want to, you can can solve that here.

This will pop up a new page on Follow.It that lets you subscribe via email, newsletter, or RSS reader. They say “expect 50 stories a week”, and that’s a very imaginary number, once a week is the dream.

I am emailing copies of the Emergency Calming Techniques package!

Anyone who gives to the Discretionary this week (more info below) will get my Emergency Calming Techniques package by email as a pdf. I am only checking email twice a week because I no longer have wifi at my place, long story, so be patient with me but if it doesn’t show up within the week then let me know!

I have some ideas for the next ebook too but if you do too, shoot me an email or share in the comments.

A request!

If you received clues or perspective or want to send appreciation for the writing and work/play we do here, I appreciate it tremendously.

I am accepting support (with joy & gratitude) in the form of Appreciation Money to the Discretionary Fund. Asking is not where my strength resides but Brave & Stalwart is the theme these days, and pattern-rewriting is the work, it all helps with fixing the many broken things.

And if those aren’t options, I get it, you can light a candle for support (or light one in your mind!), share this with someone who loves words, tell people about these techniques, approaches and themes, send them here, it all helps, it’s all welcome, and I appreciate it and you so much. ❤️

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