A breath for these tough times

Sending out extra wishes of Safety & Sanctuary for everyone in the path of the hard things, what a scary time we are in, inhaling and exhaling, for compassion, strength, courage, swift and steady miracles.

Announcement / get your copy of Emergency Calming Down Techniques

I’ve been reeling hard lately in some cursed combination of heartache, numbness, political anxiety, winter stuff and some wild panic episodes.

Have been holding on (for dear life) to my Emergency Calm The Hell Down Techniques from a long time ago, and it’s been helping.

I am giving away a copy of these (ebook + audio recordings) to anyone who gives any sum of money to the appreciation funds / discretionary fund in the hopes that we can all keep practicing together, for each other and for the collective, and also for ourselves in these scary times. ❤️

How to make scary phone calls (for example)

Let’s explore! Or: okay but then how do you do the scary things when you need to do something that scares you

Last week, I wrote about the unlikely approach of not leaving your comfort zone, unless of course you are someone who gets a fun rush from pushing yourself out of yours.

And then I had some interesting and thoughtful conversations with people about this topic, that were all variations on “okay but I do actually need to do things that scare me, so then how do you do the scary things that need doing????”

Let’s clarify! I love clarity!

To be clear, I regularly do things that scare me. Every day. More often than I’d like. They are not fun. And I do them anyway.

So I did not mean to imply that we just lalala somehow opt out of all the scary things, since the scary things are many, and they need doing.

(I almost called this post BUT THEN HOW DO I CALL MY REPS since that was something that came up a few times.)

My point remains that I choose to opt out of the approach or mindset that I “should” be able to get out of my comfort zone. Instead, I re-orient myself towards an approach of how to make the scary things doable in such a way that I don’t have to hurl myself out of my comfort zone.

Let’s play around with the how of this, and specifically regarding phone calls since that’s what came up most.

A note about process

You might already have your own ways of making scary things less scary and more approachable, and that’s wonderful. Or maybe you don’t yet, but the ones I have to offer don’t speak to you. That’s okay!

Self-fluency is not about any kind of One Right Way; it’s about figuring out the approach, mindset and techniques that work for you, so that you can have a more compassionate, intentional, loving, warm, heartfelt relationship with yourself and your projects.

You definitely don’t ever need to do things the way I do them.

What I’m trying to do here is model one possible shape this could take, in the hopes that it will potentially generate some idea-sparks for what might work better for you. Or at least send you off in the direction towards what you might like to try next.

We try things, and we learn from trying

We try things, we experiment, we reconfigure the experiments and try again. It’s all useful information.

Everything I’m sharing here is just stuff that I have tried that helps me. Your mileage may vary and probably will; my hope is that you get some ideas and inspiration for possible next steps in your own experiments.

And of course I am excited for whatever you discover and uncover.

The elements

I intensely dislike phone calls, especially when they are related to health stuff, calling my representatives, any situation where I am worried that I will just burst into tears at any moment, or that I will forget how talking works, or that I might get in a fight with someone.

Here are the elements in my approach to these scary-to-me phone calls.

Rename!
Alignment!
Reconnaissance!
Entry!
Call in the team! Even if the team is imaginary!
Magic! (Light a candle)

A bit about these…

RENAMING

I am simply not ever going to call the dentist, I just won’t, in fact I don’t even like writing that sentence, but they are in my phone as Your Mission: A Gleaming Smile.

Will I take steps towards tending to my smile? It’s certainly less unlikely, and it’s a starting point to get me to the next part.

Similarly l have a Flax Season person, and instead of a primary care practitioner, I renamed PCP to mean a Partner in Care Practices.

Not everyone loves this technique, and if names don’t get under your skin, then skip this one.

But renaming can be a fun and playful exercise. Plus it’s an excuse to put things in the anagram generator, which I love.

ALIGNMENT

I have written about this before but basically the idea is this:

Before I make the challenging call, I make a brief list (up to ten items) of things the person I will be talking to and I have in common.

Here are some examples…

Alignment for interacting with any health care professional

I remind myself that I want to believe this person got into health care because of the caring part, and we can both channel the quality of CARING.

We probably have other things in common too, for example…

1. We are both invested and engaged in well-being
2. We both want me to be healthy and thriving
3. We both want to make sure that I get all the information I need
4. We both are hoping for clear, open, warm, kind communication
5. We both want to have a pleasant interaction today; we can prioritize this
6. We both want what’s best for me, and for me to have a good experience being cared for
7. We are both here in the present moment connecting and engaging, and can agree to have a warm, helpful mutually beneficial interaction.

A note about trauma! And how reasonable it is

Sometimes when I do an alignment exercise like this, I am reminded of really negative experiences I have had with health care practitioners in the past, and the ways I have been harmed and traumatized by them. Very normal and understandable.

In that case I might need a good cry, or a good rage storm, or both, and maybe a dance party for good luck.

I want to practice NOW IS NOT THEN.

And I use my Even Though phrases, for example:

“Even though in the past I have had negative experiences, I am safe now. I am grounded here in the present moment, now is not then, and I am asking for a health care person whose heart is centered on true caring.”

Another alignment example

I used this recently for calling someone to resolve a stressful situation, and it went beautifully, much better than I thought it would.

L and I both want:

• good clear communication
• to know where we stand
• ease of ease
• some good loving clarity
• to just get this done, we are both so glad to be getting this done right now
• to remember that our work together has meaning and purpose

And even though I don’t want to be brave, everyone is glad that I am being brave.

Alignment for calling my representatives

I want to remind myself that the person answering my call wants to have a pleasant easy interaction, they are not judging me, their job is just to note what that I have to share:

We both want this to be a comfortable conversation.
We both want this interaction to go smoothly.
This person works in public service in order to be of service and because they are passionate about something.
I just have to read my script and they will note it down, this can be a neutral experience.

Reconnaissance!

This is just the phase of gathering intel. What is the number of my representative. Has someone already posted a good script online that I can read.

Getting the information in one place makes it easier to do the thing.

Any other entry

Alignment and reconnaissance are great forms of ENTRY, aka readying yourself for the experience.

Sometimes I also need to give myself structure, for example I pretend that I have five minutes to break into the mainframe (make the call).

Other times entry might be going for a walk to clear my head, or rolling around on the floor, or clearing visual space.

Calling in the team

If there is someone I know who can help me, I lean on this. And if there isn’t, I have a workaround.

But I am a big fan of body doubling. Maybe someone you know also has do something scary and you can both do it at the same time or on the same day, or in the same week, and update for accountability.

Cheer each other on, light a candle for your friend’s success!

(I will add some techniques and ideas below for what to do if you don’t have someone to help out, but also: drop a note in the comments, and I will light a candle for your mission and cheer you on too. Happy to be on the team.)

Switch Ops!

I also love the sneaky practice of SWITCH OPS (someone does your call and you do theirs), because it is always way less scary to deal with someone else’s dilemma.

if you don’t have a someone for this, and often I don’t, you can call in an Incoming self, a Slightly Wiser You, a special ops self, and ask them to come to the front of the V.

Aka, can you imagine that all aspects of you are like a flock of birds, and you want to invite one to the front of the V formation to lead the way, so you call on one who has the right skills for the job.

For example, maybe I feel stuck because don’t want to make this call, but The Cowboy can do it.

Maybe I feel really really really stuck, but Glamorous Me can to put on make up and high boots and talk to someone on the phone, and this self thinks it is a fun game.

Any other entry

Something that helps me focus and channel courage for the scary thing is naming the superpowers, for example, here are some on my list right now…

Love, Courage, Strength, Miracles
Asking for Guidance
IT SOLVES ITSELF
A better version / Do-Overs Forever
Luckily, X
Simple elegant solutions
Easier than i think
Clear the decks / clear the path to clear the path
Most Courageous Self To The Front / what would most courageous self do
How can I make strategizing PLAYFUL?

Alright so we have some possible starting points

The scary things are scary, that’s our current reality.

And also, some of us don’t thrive when we perceive that we have to hurl ourselves out of our comfort zone.

If all the ideas and suggestions here seem unnecessary to you, then that’s great, you’re someone who can already make the phone call! You don’t need extra techniques. Or if you’re someone who likes scaring yourself a little, then it’s kind of fun. Or maybe you just love talking to people and want to do my calls too. 😉

For those of us who need extra support and additional layers of comfort in our comfort zones, these are just some ideas for getting started. Not in exiting the comfort zone but extending the edges a little.

Let’s play!

Hope there’s something helpful in here for you, or at least it can send you on an interesting exploration to figure out what your own yeses are. Lighting a candle for you and for us and for these calls happening if they need to happen, and all the stressful situations resolving themselves beautifully.

May it be so or something even better. Drop your op (secret op name or just a phone call you have to make) in the comments, and I will light a candle for speedy success.

Come play in the comments, I appreciate the company

Leave a pebble (o) to say you were here, so I know I’m not doing this alone.

Also it feels good to pick up a pebble and place it somewhere, I have noticed.

And of course you are welcome to share anything that sparked for you while reading, anything that helped, clues received, or anything on your mind, wish some wishes, process what’s percolating…

I am lighting a candle for us and our beautiful heart-wishes. What a brave thing it is to allow ourselves to want something better for us and for the world.

Or if there’s anything you’d like to explore further or toss into the wishing pot, the healing power of the collective is no small thing, companionship helps.

Whatever comes to mind or heart. Let’s support each other’s hope-sparks…

Housekeeping note: You can subscribe to posts by email again!

If you aren’t seeing these updates in your in your email and want to, you can can solve that here.

This will pop up a new page on Follow.It that lets you subscribe via email, newsletter, or RSS reader. They say “expect 50 stories a week”, and that’s a very imaginary number, once a week is the dream.

I am emailing copies of the Emergency Calming Techniques package!

Anyone who gives to the Discretionary this week (more info below) will get my Emergency Calming Techniques package by email as a pdf. I am only checking email twice a week because I no longer have wifi at my place, long story, so be patient with me but if it doesn’t show up within the week then let me know!

I have some ideas for the next ebook too but if you do too, shoot me an email or share in the comments.

A request!

If you received clues or perspective or want to send appreciation for the writing and work/play we do here, I appreciate it tremendously.

I am accepting support (with joy & gratitude) in the form of Appreciation Money to the Discretionary Fund. Asking is not where my strength resides but Brave & Stalwart is the theme these days, and pattern-rewriting is the work, it all helps with fixing the many broken things.

And if those aren’t options, I get it, you can light a candle for support (or light one in your mind!), share this with someone who loves words, tell people about these techniques, approaches and themes, send them here, it all helps, it’s all welcome, and I appreciate it and you so much. ❤️

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