Background: the metaphor technique is something I’ve adapted from Suzette Haden Elgin‘s teachings. It’s a terrific tool for destuckifying.
We play with this one at the Kitchen Table and some of my wacky events. It’s mainly an excuse for me to make my “What’s a meta for?” joke, but the results are seriously great.
It’s also how I discovered that I work on a pirate ship. Which helped me deal with my hackers. And my fear of being beautiful.
More recently we turned my horrid Tickler file into an Iguana Watcher’s Guide. And then we turned “doing taxes” into a Secret Money Cave where I visit my treasures and make a Tribute to the lands that allow me access to their fair harbours.
I don’t want to fire anyone! Unpacking (metaphor!) the metaphor.
The situation was thus:
I’d had a bunch of Shivanautical epiphanies around the structure of my business. That’s kind of the problem with Dance of Shiva — it gives you all this incredibly useful information that’s really hard to ignore.
But I wanted to ignore it.
Because my neurally-connected business savant brain was telling me — very clearly — that I needed a new First Mate on my pirate ship.
I needed someone local who would be at Drunk Pirate Council. Someone who would work exclusively for The Fluent Self and represent the business at all times. Someone who could be online all the time.
Which meant that I couldn’t keep working with my lovely very first First Mate Marissa.
So I felt sad. And anxious. And scared.
Worse: how would I tell her?
What if she thought I was, oh god, firing her? I can’t fire Marissa! That’s not what’s happening! This is stupid and horrible!
Luckily, it wasn’t too late to call on … Metaphor Mouse!
* Again, this is is just me yelling I AM METAPHOR MOUSE to the song I am Iron Man. Obviously.
Unpacking my CURRENT relationship with this. (FIRING = ?)
What are the qualities, aspects and attributes of the thing that isn’t working (including what *is* working — if anything)?
[+ squad]
[+ mean]
[+ responsibility]
[+ GUILT]
[+ anxiety]
[+ blame
[+ causing pain]
[+ firing a gun?! worst metaphor ever!]
[+ stuck]
[+ discomfort]
[+ it’s the right thing to do]
[+ doing what’s best for the business]
[+ sovereignty]
[+ pruning is good for the roses]
[+ firing squad squad squad squad squad squad squad]
[+ ugh]
Reminds me of?
Oh. It’s like … being next door to the room where someone is being executed by lethal injection and feeling soooooooo guilty.
Guilt!
That’s not where I want to be. Where I want to be has to include things that are mutually beneficial. It has to include gratitude for what has been true so far.
So. What happens when I walk out of the lethal injection building?
Where do I go?
I step out the door and walk down a gravel path. I’m at a garden now. Color. Light. Everything is beautiful.
And then there is a path leading out of the garden. Which forks into two paths.
Of course.
When we’re out here, we just branch off and separate. I have the way that is my way, and Marissa has her Marissa way and they are both good.
And where they meet — at the fork in the road where all the flowers are — that’s where we have a picnic.
A Goodbye Picnic where there is space and time to say thank you and be appreciative and give flowers and hug and be happy. And eat pie with our forks!
Learning more about my IDEAL metaphor (X = ?)
What sort of qualities, aspects and feelings does the thing I want contain?
[+ sovereignty]
[+ trust]
[+ calm]
[+ simple]
[+ mutual benefit]
[+ I am not responsible for anyone else’s life]
[+ equality]
[+ gratitude]
[+ respect]
[+ ritual]
[+ amicable]
[+ ease]
[+ snacks!]
Does a Gratitude Picnic work with that? Yep. It’s a picnic.
Do we have Lift-off Metaphor?
Whee!
Are we comfortable with this metaphor?
Or do we need an intermediary metaphor to be a bridge (ding! metaphor!) to help you get from where there to here?
No. I’m good.
You’ll never guess what happened next.
I was overjoyed to have my metaphor and my less-creepy plus considerably healthier understanding of what needed to happen.
But I was still feeling a little anxious about how to be really clear that this was a loving decision happening in loving circumstances.
So I went to call her and then I saw in my super secret email account that only she and my gentleman friend have access to — it gets maybe three emails a month — there was a message from Marissa.
A message from her explaining that the time had come for her to hand over the role of First Mate to the next deserving person.
And I said Gratitude Picnic? And she said Yay! And all was good in the world.
Timing. Awesome.
Reporting back:
Everything went smooth as butter.
Except that then we both got super busy with our new things and forgot to have our Gratitude Picnic.
So I’m calling one right now!
Here’s some of what I appreciate Marissa for:
- For being silly with me
- For making every day Talk Like A Pirate Day
- For being on my side.
- For dealing with all sorts of crap (and shoes) and things I just couldn’t handle
- For allowing me to go on Email Sabbatical
- For making up ridiculous words
- For being the behind-the-scenes help at the Kitchen Table
- For making me laugh
- For caring about what I do
- For being a Shivanaut
- For being a Fan of Selma
- For being her fabulous self
- For making tough decisions
- For dedication and fun — at the same time!
- For sweetly making things easier on my new First Mate with learning the ropes
- For her thoughtfulness
- For her kindheartedness
- For putting up with my stuff
This is the start of a Gratitude Picnic!
Thank you thank you thank you.
Would you like to play? Comment zen for today.
You are more than welcome to do cartwheels with me here at the Gratitude Picnic.
Or to do your own Metaphor Mouse-ing on something you’re working on.
Or to be silly with us and eat pie.
And, as always: we let people have their own experience, and we don’t give advice.
Picnic! Come play.
Follow
I love timing like that. Hooray! And cartwheels outside.
Hooray for Marissa! And hooray for Marissa 2.0, whomever s/he may be!
And now I shall host the peanut scramble for all who are not allergic to virtual peanuts.
.-= Laura G´s last post … In which I consider the year ahead: a personal ad. =-.
I would like to join the Gratitude Picnic for Miz Marissa, Angel Extraordinaire. Because she was a fabulous First Mate on the Pirate Ship, the kind of First Mate who was approachable and helpful and yet in control, not the kind of First Mate who shouts and swings her cat o’ nine tails with unholy glee. Although there was plenty of glee too. And she never once made me walk the plank, neither.
Pie and cartwheels, and dare I say it, cake? Because, y’know if I’m coming there better be cake.
Thank you so much Marissa, and welcome to the new First Mate on the Pirate Ship. I’m hoisting a mug o’ grog, and a piece of cake to you both.
The Dread Pirate Fearsome Fi the Fabulous
X (her mark)
Metaphor Mouse at play again! I feel a Hannibal quote coming up: “I love it when a plan comes together”.
Yay for first First Mate Marissa! I’m taking off my pirate hat to you and take a swig of rrrum in your honour.
Yay for awesome, synchronistic, timing !!!
And triple-yay, pieces-of-eight, buckets of grog, cake and all-things-good for Marissa the firstest of First Mates.
Thank you to you for your pirately dedication and not making me or anyone else walk the plank, ever.
Ooh, and tingles of expectant excitement at the prospect of meeting your successor …
.-= Lindsay´s last post … Ballast monsters and the samba-butterfly-crew =-.
Yay for the First First Mate Marissa! Long may she live in infamy! (wait, is that a good thing? I can never remember!) Ok, long my she enjoy can-do-ology and funny words and the best emails EVER.
Long live the Pirate Ship!
.-= Tara´s last post … Adopt a Designer =-.
Havi,
You are EVER so amazing!! How you do business – how you do life – makes my heart open.
I’m so tickled (ohgod, I’m an old lady – WHO says “tickled” except old ladies lol)that the whole thing rolled out the way it did. That was gorgeous — but I have this absolutely visceral sense that if you had NOT heard from Marissa when you did/and HOW you did – it still would’ve been a beautiful day for a picnic.
The pirate-lovin’ respect & adoration you shared here – for your first first mate – how you shared her glories – ahhh, so sweet!
p.s.You didn’t mention what *kind* of pie (just saying)
HUGE virtual hug to you!!!
.-= Square-Peg Karen´s last post … What’s All the #@!-ing Fuss about Worthiness? =-.
Yarrrrrrr, ye mateys! Woo-hoo, Gratitude Picnic!
(One of those exclamations sounded a wee bit more pirate-y than the other, didn’t it?)
The timing is incredible on this, because I struggled with a similar “How do I tell her this??” feeling, and a similar fear that it would seem like I was throwing a shoe (ugh, nononono) or “dumping” her as a client or something equally wretched and untrue and awful. So when I finally composed an email I was happy with and sent it off, and then got a loving and warm and “Yay, this timing is perfect!” response back, my world was righted again in so many ways.
And a Gratitude Picnic on top of it all?! Pardon me whilst I happy dance.
Some of what I appreciate Havi for:
* Saying, “Hey, what do you think about maybe working together?” way back before I was even uttering the word “entrepreneur” let alone thinking I was one.
* Making me First Mate on a Pirate Ship with a Shivanaut queen and her duck!
* Thinking that me having 2 dogs as my biz’s VPs was completely normal
* Modeling sovereignty–even when it’s difficult or unclear or thrown-shoe-ridden
* Introducing me to Destuckification & Biggification–and modeling how those actually work
* Giving me a front-row seat to the creation of the Kitchen Table and introducing me to its (ridiculously awesome) members
* Asking me to agree to a “No Fester” policy when we started working together (“If something happens & it bugs us, we will talk about it and will not let it fester”). Best policy ever.
* Modeling how to grow (tremendously!!) a small business that’s truly and perfectly uncategorizable and doesn’t follow all of the pre-set rules or expectations
* Being willing to do things in a way that’s deeply right for her (sovereignty!)
* Being willing to take emergency vacations and set boundaries and go on sabbatical from email (hey, sovereignty again!) 🙂
* Appreciating me for who I am rather than placing expectations on me to be anything other than who I am
* Saying “Thank you” to me, often and sincerely
* For creating spaces like Gratitude Picnics and PIrate Ships that no one else thinks of but that work SO. WELL.
* For encouraging me to biggify myself
* For supporting me as I biggified myself & being happy for me when good stuff happened
* For puns and metaphors
* For making my transition from the pirate ship completely un-scary and warm and loving
* For being fabulously and glowingly Havi.
So who can pass me the pie? 🙂
.-= Marissa Bracke´s last post … Living Beyond the Little Right Lies =-.
Here I am! I brought pasta salad with tomatoes and fresh mozzarella, and key lime pie. Haven’t managed a cartwheel in years, but I’ll be delighted to roll downhill with anyone who’d like to join me!
Marissa, you have been a fabulous First Mate. Thank you for your warmth, kindness, and good cheer. Hope you’ll still be hanging out on the blog from time to time!
Oh, do I ever have a job for Metaphor Mouse — but later, I think. Right now, a kooky pirate picnic sounds like exactly what I’m wanting.
.-= Kathleen Avins´s last post … This probably shouldn’t surprise me… =-.
I love metaphor mouse. Love.
“When we’re out here, we just branch off and separate. I have the way that is my way, and Marissa has her Marissa way and they are both good.
And where they meet — at the fork in the road where all the flowers are — that’s where we have a picnic.”
That’s beautiful.
And I’m already thinking of ways to apply the No Fester policy in my life and my biz.
Raising my glass of pirate-y picnic grog to Marissa and the Pirate Queen!
.-= Victoria Brouhard´s last post … Oof =-.
Picnic! Gratitude picnic! I am so there!
I am very grateful that Marissa was this pirate ship’s First Mate when I first boarded, because that’s how I got to know and love her. And knowing and loving her already meant that I was crazy happy when I got to meet and hug her for real last summer!
Marissa, I wish you all the best on this new stretch of the path. I’m looking forward to learning more about where it’s leading you.
Your travel partner (whenever you want, darling!),
Josiane
xxx
.-= Josiane´s last post … A (huge!) shift in perspective =-.
Oooh! A chance to celebrate the wonderful matey goodness that is Marissa! And at a **picnic**!!!
(I brought an apple pie. Still warm from the oven. Anyone want to join me?)
I’m thrilled at the way the timing worked out for you both, Havi and Marissa. And excited to see where your respective branches take you next.
Now, imagine the following written in a childish hand with red crayon, on the paper with the big wide lines we all used in kindergarten (I’m tacking it to the little white fencepost at the edge of the flowerbed so everyone can read it):
Y I LUVE YU MARISSA
— Yu are SOOOOOOO funny!
— And smart, too!
— Yu meke grate puns and pull the vary bestest parts out uv chat conversashuns.
— Yur not afraid to be yurself.
— And that yurself is wunderful!!!
— Integrity is yor middle name. (Well, mabe not legally. But still.)
— Yu realy no how to steer a pirate ship good!
LUVE,
MICHELLE :o)
Yay, Gratitude Picnic.
This has just given me the warmest, fuzziest feeling ever. It’s so nice to see this modeled in such a loving, smart way. You guys are just the best.
*cheers*
Danielle
Mmm, pie.
Yarrr!
.-= claire´s last post … Sketchbook, page 10 =-.
This is such an amazing story of mutuality, trust and acknowledgment – it’s such a happy ending.
Marissa – I’m so grateful that I’ve had the chance to know you at the KT. Your emails about all things KT always made me smile and I love the way you are with stuff. You model something so indescribable – I just can’t find the word for it, but it sure feels good to be around you.
I celebrate you and Havi and the way you appreciate each other. That No Fester Policy is a keeper and one I am going to share with my kids and in my own business.
See you on Twitter and elsewhere.
Havi – now I know what a gratitude picnic is. Thank you for showing me the ropes of how happy endings are possible. I’ve never experienced anything like this before.
Ha-harrrrr.
Marrrisaaa.
We’rrrrre gonna missaaaa.
Ha-harrrrr.
.-= Cap’n Jack Lightheart´s last post … How to present like Ken Robinson =-.
Fi said “…not the kind of First Mate who shouts and swings her cat o’ nine tails with unholy glee.”
which got me thinking – I think we need to find things we can do with holy glee – like gratitude picnicking….
Andy
.-= Andy Dolph´s last post … Chicken Techno =-.
Mmmmm .. pie. I brought some vanilla ice cream, nice and melty, perfect for pie.
I celebrate you and Marissa and how much you appreciate and celebrate each other. Here’s to wonderful next things for both of you!
.-= Elizabeth´s last post … my puppy, my heart =-.
Thank you for the invitation to this lovely picnic. I raise my glass to both of you for your humor, wisdom, and grace.
This is just perfect… Perfect timing indeed…just like everything else in the Universe when we give up resistance.
.-= Lana – {Daring Clarity}´s last post … How I Got to The Core, Got Scared… and Survived. =-.
@Marissa – I like the No Fester policy..hmmm how will I use that.
Well done, well done, well done! So beautifully handled.
I bring couscous and a frisbee.
.-= Tangerine Meg´s last post … You are beautiful! =-.
Thank you so much, Marissa, for sharing all of your wonderful-ness with us 🙂
.-= Cranky Fibro Girl´s last post … Response cached until Sun 21 @ 14:25 GMT (Refreshes in 19.43 Hours) =-.