Personal ads! They’re … personal! Very.
So my itty bitty personal ads made me realize that it’s time to make a regular practice of trying to feel okay asking for stuff.
Even when the asking thing feels weird and conflicted.
Ever since I posted the first one asking my perfect house to find me, which united me with Hoppy House, I have been a fan of the madness that is personal ads.
And now it’s my weekly ritual. Yay, ritual!
Let’s do this thing.
Thing 1: a successful Non-Emergency Vacation.
Here’s what I want:
I’ve scheduled an actual Planned Vacation. As opposed to my standard, traditional have a nervous breakdown vacation. I know. Shocking.
This is what I’ll be doing this week instead of being in Austin for SXSW. Yes, it’s my own personal JWNS (Just West No South).
What I want is this:
Relaxation.
Clarity.
Time.
Rest.
Surprises.
And of course I want my business pirate ship to sail smooth seas while I’m away from the wheel.
Ways this could work:
I can keep having regular Drunk Pirate Council (that’s what we call “meetings”) while away.
I can come up with some sort of solution to keep the blog feeling loved (see next VPA).
And it could just work.
My commitment.
To breathe.
To trust.
To take notes.
To eat nachos and laugh hysterically.
Thing 2: posties
Here’s what I want:
Since I’ll be on Intentional Non-Emotional-Collapse Vacation, I won’t be writing a lot of blog posts.
But I don’t like to abandon the blog. And I really am not into guest posts. Hmm. Maybe there’s some sort of compromise there.
Like I could take a shorter break and then catch up on some Ask Havi posts that have been waiting for attention.
Or do a collection of Metaphor Mouse posts.
Or?
Ways this could work:
Not sure yet.
My commitment.
To be open to creative solutions that might surprise me.
To be playful.
To talk to my business and find out what it thinks.
Thing 3: Insights.
Here’s what I want:
I’m in the middle of putting together a bunch of new products and programs for a launch brunch for the new Playground studio.
And while I’m off on Non-Emergency Vacation all of this will be waiting for me.
So what I want is to have insights and understandings about the various next steps while I’m busy not working on this project.
Here’s how I want this to work:
Various Shivanautical epiphanies, small and large.
The genius effects of not doing.
Stuff can come up in dreams. It can come up in conversations, at the Twitter bar or in whatever form is right for it.
The trees can whisper secrets to me if they want to. I don’t mind.
My commitment.
To do Shiva Nata every day — even if it’s just five minutes.
To walk and walk and walk.
To ask questions. To go to bed early. To write. To be curious.
And to give myself permission to just have fun, assuming that whatever insights need to come are already winging their way to me.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
Well, last week I didn’t so much ask for anything as write a love letter to my business on the occasion of its fifth (or fourth) birthday.
And I have to say that, while I wasn’t expecting anything to change based on that, I have had the sense this week that my business and I have gotten closer.
I realize that sounds kind of screwed up. But there you have it. Closer.
It’s lovely, really.
Comments. Since I’m already asking …
I am adding to my practice of asking for stuff by being more specific about what I would like to receive in the comments.
Here’s what I want (just leave them in the comments):
- Your own personal ads, small or large. Things you’ve asked for. Or are asking for. Or would like to ask for. Or updates on last time!
What I would rather not have:
- Reality theories.
- Shoulds. As in, “You should be doing it like this” or “That’s not the right way to ask for things — instead it should be like x, y and z”
- To be judged or psychoanalyzed.
- Advices.
My commitment.
I am committing to getting better at asking for things even when asking feels weird.
Thanks for doing this with me!
Follow
Well, I dilly-dallied about putting this up, as I was worried you’d all see it as some kind of sneaky self-promotion.
Then I got over myself.
My VPA:
I would like the transition to my New Thing to be smooth, and for there to be a way of maintaining the precious energy of APeacefulResolution.com whilst taking a sabbatical, or deferring it. (See, I’ve been asking help from my own Metaphor Mouse!).
APR holds a precious heart energy (for me) and I don’t want to screw it up by doing it half-assed, and I can only do two and a half things (Book, New Project, Exercise) without being scattered.
So:
~ I can do some praying/aspiration
~ I can just quietly move things over
~ I can make sure that I say goodbye/farewell properly and pack away/re-seal the energy of APR ready to come back to when it’s time.
My commitment:
~ Keep really aware of the interplay of energies going on with me right now
~ Keep aware of my capacity
~ Not to take myself too seriously.
Phew. Just formulating the ask helps!
I can feel it…
.-= Andrew Lightheart´s last post … How to present like Ken Robinson =-.
I’d love to have more Ask Havi and/or Metaphor Mouse post! Of course, this is not to pressure you or anything. 🙂 Anything you write is fabulous, and if you don’t I can always hang out in the archives.
Havi, I’m so happy you’re taking a planned, non-emergency vacation! 🙂 Wishing you spaciousness, play, inspiration and deep, deep rest while you’re away.
Posties, insights, epiphanies will follow…
Love, Hiro
.-= Hiro Boga´s last post … Finger Painting =-.
This is a first for me….
Karen’s Personal Ad for aid in “Getting Things Moving”
As someone who has set her one word intention for 2010 as “MOVE”…I could use assistance in getting all of the pieces to start moving in some sort of fashion.
I am specifically needing FUNDING for my teeny tiny brand new baby of a fourth sector business.
I am moving forward without funding by scraping together the smallest bits of pieces and moving forward with them. Feedback has been positive and I need/want additional resources to help this thing fly.
Specifically, I could use some angel investors (if we are going to fly, we need wings!) I could use some referrals to angel investors. I could use people who care to become involved.
Thank you for all thoughts and prayers and all good things you can send my way. Peace!!
Karen
i love vpas! and i love and support your vacation. i love the metaphor mouse posts, and in general will be happy for your happiness!
my vpa: my parents are in town for their first visit. i want to have a relaxing and joyful vacation and make new memories with them, since we get so little time to see and be with each other.
what i want:
content, relaxed. open communication. we get better at saying, “yes, this exhibit at the zoo,” or “no, i am tired and need sorbet”. we laugh A LOT. happiness in each other’s presence.
how this could work:
stay out of their stuff. make sure that the shoes are not weird footwear mirages and check in with their hey-that-‘s-my-stuff!-iness. maybe release a little bit on the idea of what a perfect vacation looks like. remember that they are in their 60s and be patient. maybe even commit to scribbling a little bit about whatever comes up shoe-and-stuck-wise at night, so i have some good information for the Book o’Me…
my commitment:
take a breath before i speak to them. model and mirror open behavior? let go? am shiva-ing in ungainly manner before i meet up with them for some clarity and self-support.
and a shortie vpa:
what i want: clarity and insight around two big stucknesses that are hiding and resolutely and stubbornly resisting insight: my tendency to hear my father speaking words of competition (which i do NOT do well with) and my housekeeping and generally nasty way i treat my physical stuff. if any insights or epiphanies would like to play, i promise to listen to you and support you and let you gallivant around the playground to your hearts content. there could even be ice cream in it for you.
Is it in contravention of the commenting policy to ask for more Ask Havi posts? I love those! They are always somehow helpful to me.
Also, I would like to feel more comfortable with the idea of writing things that other people can read. I will practice Shiva Nata on it, and I will respect inspiration when it strikes. And I will practice compassion with myself and openness toward change.
It’s lovely when I get a just-in-time epiphany. This week, just in time for the VPA’s, I got it! Ask _before_ you know exactly what you need…
So. What I want: My summer needs two things. Lots of expansive writing time to meet a big September deadline (yay!). And some non-crisis time with my parents to figure out what my role in their aging process can look like. But I live 1700 miles away from them, and I’m not really in a place to spend extra money this summer. It does not work to stay in their leeeeeetle tiny guest bedroom. Oh, and I have a Very Old Lady cat and Her Ditzy Companion cat who need to come along.
Ways this could work: Someone could have a house that needs sitting in my parents’ town. Someone delightful and loving could show up and want to rent my house for the summer leaving me footloose and fancy free. Someone I love and trust could want to do a house exchange between here and there. Or something I haven’t even imagined yet could come along.
My commitments: To be Curious and Investigative. To be active in asking for help without being impatient with the universe. To be open to wacky creative solutions. To drink a bunch of water. Meditatively.
Here’s wishing you, Havi, and Everyone a happy vacation. Even if it’s just a five-minute one…
.-= Elizabeth´s last post … Escape! Or does she?!?? =-.
This is a break in VPA’ing for my Things(!). Which have been shockingly successful, so I’m going to VPA an ugly, desperate situation that is hurting my Things(!)
I have to temporarily put Thing 1 on hold (along with Things 2-4)
Day Job finally got the better of me. I have to leave Day Job 1 and find Day Job 2. Ideally, I would stayed at Day Job 1 until my Things made enough money to support me (and my cats). Unfortunately (or not?), the universe is doing for me what I have not been able to do for myself and forcing me out of Day Job.
My ask this week:
For this transition to work. I need a way to support myself while I work on my Things(!) This will be a comfortable, supportive environment that will not leave me drained. I will be financially comfortable. I want to be sure I’m not making a fear based choice.
I feel like a miserable failure and giant disappointment to myself. This was NOT the plan. And worse, I brought it on myself with spectacularly bad management of boundaries.
Ways this could work: No idea. My planning thus far has brought me here, so maybe planning isn’t the way to go. I know that whatever is on the other side of this is going to be amazing; I don’t think my monsters believe it.
My commitment: to continue to be gentle with myself, to make space for grief and loss and have patience with the fear and anxiety. To eat even when I’m nauseous with anxiety. To get Thing 1 back on track as soon as possible. To breathe and tap as much as necessary to sleep. To use every tool I can find to move through this.
Enjoy your vacation!! I’ll make do with the archives until you return to the blog. 🙂 I’m hoping that the next VPA will contain a positive update.
@Deanna – wishing you everything you need to move through the hard and to get on track. Breathing with you. And passing fruity drinks to your monsters, if they want them.
@Elizabeth – ooh nice ask. Also, can Her Ditzy Companion be our new fake band? Because that would be FANTASTIC. 🙂
@jessie – kiss. Also “no I’m tired and I need sorbet” is a wonderful thing to be able to say. Thank you for that.
@Karen – whoo! Moving and flying and wings. LOVELY. I am for it.
@everyone — thanks, guys, for the love and support. I like all of these options and totally appreciate the input. Mwah!
Happy vacation, Havi! Your personal JWNS sounds fabulous! I’m sure it’ll make room for all of the insights you need, while the pirate ship will sail the smoothest of seas.
Here’s what I want:
With all that has been shifting for me lately, I feel like I am in the middle of a period of transition. Smooth seas would be great here too so that I can navigate these transitions safely and with ease, as well as a gentle breeze in the right direction so that I can get to the shore of the new land I need to reach.
Ways this could work:
– I could declare that successfully navigating these transitions is my priority right now, and not let other stuff distract me from steering my ship in that direction.
– Life could make it easy somehow.
– Not sure what else.
My commitment:
– To keep shivanauting it up and journaling.
– To keep bringing awareness to my patterns, and find out what I need in order to be able to replace the ones that aren’t useful in this new context with others that would better support me.
– To take the actions I know I need to take now, and trust that I’ll learn about the next steps in due time.
.-= Josiane´s last post … Shifts and transitions =-.
First of all, I want to sing back up vocals with Her Ditzy Companion. Kinda like Her Ditzy Companion’s Companion…
And YAY for Non-Emergency Vacations! Cheers to JWNS with long walks, no crowds, peace and quiet and all the insights you can stand – but not a single one more!
My VPA this week has multiple parts, but it’s mostly about finding my right people, and helping them find me.
Because I’m doing Things. Online/virtual things and live-in-person things. And I want people there to do my Things with!
The pattern I’m noticing is that when I get all jazzed up thinking up the the thing and putting all the pieces in place, I get really hyper-focused which is cool because I’m really getting the thing done. But . I don’t hang out on twitter. I don’t check my reader so I don’t read as many blogs, much less comment on them. For a couple of days I barely eat or pee. Times like this I’m really grateful I’m a mom, because I have to tend to the basic needs of the family, so I might as well eat too! I just kinda fall off the face of the earth for a bit.
Then I come up for air with a THING and I’m ready for everyone to be as excited to see it as I am to bring it, but it’s hard to jump in to the conversations again…
So… just noticing this for now.
On to the VPA…
Wanted: 10-20 more people to come hang out with me on the Teleclass I’m doing on Tuesday.
You are: Reassessing your goals/resolutions/intentions from the beginning of the year. Or if that’s not your thing, maybe you’re inspired by the coming of spring to start something new in your own life.
You might be a little nervous, because goals/resolutions/ intentions to change have led to frustration or disappointment in the past. At the same time, you’re willing consider that maybe using your strengths would be a more fun way to go about things than trying to overcome your ‘weaknesses.’
You’re willing to laugh and get a little silly.
Ways this could work: People could find the page http://dreamgardencoaching.com/planting-the-seeds-of-change-teleclass/ and think ‘this is me!’ They could pass it along to someone they know. I could come out of virtual hiding and some of my buddies could help spread the word.
Other things I haven’t thought of.
My commitment:
To notice my own patterns here and give myself some space to both go underground, and then to come up again.
As for the class- to give my right people the best class I can possibly do. To have some fun, laugh, and play together. And to be completely grateful for all those who come to play.
And here’s to all those VPAs- shared and private. I’m imagining a giant bulletin board to the universe with all these VPAs tacked up. Some are written in invisible ink, but that doesn’t matter to the universe!
.-= Liz´s last post … Where Does Your Garden Grow? =-.
VPA-age.
1) The ick situation at work to be resolved positively.
– Ways this could work.
Don’t allow myself to be pushed around or to become aggressive. Take advice. Listen to the advice. Listen to my gut. Be willing to have empathy for the person but not be guilt tripped.
– My Commitment.
Remain calm. Don’t take it personally. Believe that a positive resolution is possible. Sovreignity. (Which I’m not sure I spelt right. Oops.)
2) I’ve ejected someone from my life. I don’t want them to contact me, harrass me or my family, or otherwise cause a nuisance.
– Ways this could work.
Knowing that even if they do, I’m capable of coping. Making sure I let people know that they aren’t to put calls, etc, through from this person. That they don’t have the right to try and emotionally blackmail themselves into my life. That I’m an adult and have the right to make these choices. Hmm, would this be sovreignity again? 🙂
– My Commitment.
Respecting myself, my decision and my boundaries. Even, maybe espcially, if other people think I’m being unreasonable.
And another little one – being open to the fact that life will surprise you.
Enjoy your vacation, Havi! I hope you have a lovely, lovely time. (Oh! And my non-sucky yoga DVD arrived yesterday, and the little note you enclosed made me so happy. Spiral-ey songs! Thank you.)
I’ve been having a hard time coming up with a VPA for today. In a way, there’s just too much. All the big things feel too big, and all the little things feel too…small, and I’ve been struggling to find the “just right” ask.
Let’s try this:
To my dear, authentic, loving and creative self:
I love you.
I know that sometimes, when I’m feeling that my life is flawed and I am a mess, I act as if you aren’t real. I act as if you were only pretend, just wishful thinking on my part, just a dream of the person I would like to be. I act as if you can only be real if everything in my life goes swimmingly at all times, and no one ever gets mad at me, and I never make any mistakes.
That’s simply not fair of me. Furthermore, it isn’t true.
I am asking that you stay with me, that you help me know that I don’t have to be a perfect person leading a perfect life in order to have you inside me. I am inviting you to sing in me during times of stress, to laugh in me in times of confusion, to play with me when I’m scared, to reach out when I’m lonely, to hold me softly in the middle of the hard.
I know that this can happen, as I continue to deepen my relationship with myself — with all of me, not just the parts I wish were the whole shebang, and also not just the parts that I fear are the whole shebang, but the whole enchilada.
I commit to breathing, and listening, and forgiving. I commit to finding something loving and something creative to do, every day.
Thank you for being me!
.-= Kathleen Avins´s last post … This probably shouldn’t surprise me… =-.
Wishing Havi a peaceful, blissful, epiphany-full vacation.
Kathleen Avin’s vpa is so beautiful and useful to read. I love all of these vpa’s. Such wonderful things to read every week.
My vpa…
To get my writing mojo back.
How this could happen… collage. It always helps. Dance. ditto. Magical surprises delight and inspire me. Dreams. Walks.
Support from my partner– meaning he leaves me alone enough.
How this could happen: I go for walks, say yes to interesting activities, get my alone time because my partner gets it, and he has his own exciting stuff going on.
I’m committed to showing up to the page, and doing the above mentioned things that help the process. And to having fun, dammit.
.-= Kate T.W.´s last post … monsters, perfect dads, and Frida Kahlo =-.
My VPA, which I’ve been trying to figure out exactly, hence the commenting on Monday– I think this is getting close.
I need: A home for this summer (between roughly May 15 and August 15). It needs to be quiet, private, safe, and comfortable for both studying and relaxing when I’m not studying. It needs to be in Omaha or Des Moines, and preferably not be too expensive. Ideally I would not have to obtain furniture.
Ways this could work: I could work my tail off to clean and try to make the place I could live at for free work, though I’m concerned about doing that (said place is drenched in chaos that for various reasons I can’t turn into order– I don’t deal well with chaos on a good day, and this would be not a good day). I could find a sublet or short lease. I could be the best apartment-sitter around (that’s what I did last summer– and just saying, I leave a thoroughly clean home and a stocked kitchen behind).
My commitment: To be patient. To keep a clear head about what I need now and what I will need long-term, because they are not the same and that’s okay (the nesting instinct, it is hard to fight!). To be brave enough to have some hard conversations and set some boundaries if I am going to be living at the free place. And to be grateful for whatever happens, because I’m not facing homelessness and that is a blessing.
Thanks for inspiring me to do this exercise. It’s helped me stay calm about this! Much better than last year, when it all turned out fine but I was panicking a lot… :o)
Planned vacation sounds divine!
My VPA this week:
I have big stuff coming up. Moving to a new town; finding a new job (hopefully); moving in with my significant other for the first time. I would like to be calm about the scary parts of the transition, and excited about the happy parts. I would like to feel confidence about it all!
How this could work
– I could trust my own planning while recognizing that some things you can’t plan for!
– I could receive support and encouragement from my significant other and my friends.
– I could have insights or ideas about ways to make the physical transition easier.
– Same with the mental/emotional transition!
My commitment:
– To keep taking small steps of preparation.
– To remember to trust the love that my main squeeze and I share.
– To breathe through the scary stuff, and ask the movies called “Your Future Is Going to be Terrible,” (parts 1-50) to stop playing inside my head. They can go hang out in the DVR in my head, and I’ll promise to watch them next year sometime.
– To make time for shivanata and journaling (even though I feel really busy!)
.-= Agnes Northstar´s last post … Easy Now =-.
God, I love nachos.
I hope your nachos are the very best e-vah. And that you have a glorious vacation.
Have fun on your non-emergency vacation! And happy belated anniversary! I’ve been busy putting together a freelance writing portfolio, and it’s taking a lot more time than I want it to. Ugh. I don’t know how many Chickens I’ve missed! But that needs to come to an end. I hope everyone has a good week!
.-= Shawna R. B. Atteberry´s last post … Depression and Spiritual Direction =-.
Here’s to a wonderful non emergency vacation Havi! Yayyyyy! Well deserved sweetie – whatever you give us IT WILL BE GOOOOOOD!
Things I’d love
To have a sense of play wherever I work (ooo to get more work)and to have my inner imp fully appreciated and cherished – goofiness does not equal stupidity nor a lack of depth or insight – paaa! So I want to be around more people who get this – so that we can play, dance, bounce ideas off each other and generate more laughter, hope.
I’d like to meet up with some of the new playmates who are already in my life. They’re so smart, deep, goofy, grounded, different from each other!
I want to playyyyyyyyyy and to feel really comfortable with this idea – I want to trust that it’s a valid response right down to my core.
I’d like to have more moments with myself – listening to my body and its heart smart voice/s. Because I would like to feel more at peace and have a clearer sense of what project/s to focus on next. Because feeling sooo calm in my body, in my energy body, is sooo very new and wonderful and totally transformative.
To maintain this feeling of being in love with the world and this sense that I’ll be alright – no matter what.
To feel more and more comfotable and allow these feelings of self trust to settle and ground themselves.
.-= Leila Lloyd-Evelyn´s last post … The key to happiness without having it all! =-.
A non-emergency vacation sounds like a splendid idea, Havi and I’m sure that whatever solution you come up with for the blog will be just fine.
My VPA:
To have an awesomely good and useful time at the art networking event I’m attending tomorrow instead of the sucky embarrassed time I fear having.
How This Could Work:
I could breathe and try not care what people think of me.
I could pretend I’m on an anthropology field trip.
I could take some sewing, knitting or drawing in case I get bored.
My Commitment:
To breathe if I feel afraid, overwhelmed or uncomfortable.
To give myself permission to leave if its unbearably boring and/or too art-worldy.
To remind myself that it’s only two hours long
.-= Kirsty Hall´s last post … Art School Monster =-.
Havi,
Consider disconnecting from your blog. It will teach people that it’s ok to take a break – even on your blog.
My VPA:
To have my first ebook (just launched today) do reasonably well or at least provide me some guidance on what’s next.
How this would work:
Listen, pay attention, be open.
My commitment:
Breathe, connect, create, change.
Enjoy your break. We’ll be here when you return.
.-= Melissa Dutmers´s last post … Announcing Innovative Change Management Toolkit =-.
Here it is – my very first VPA. Feels good, feels right, feels right for right now.
I’m asking for what is turning into a VERY strange period of my life to be worth it in the end. I’m not asking for this string of things to be short, or to not hurt. I’m just asking to feel like there was a reason for it all when I’m through it. I’m asking for this to bring me closer to the people I love, not push them away. I’m also asking for help and guidance to know what the right thing is.
Ways this could work: I don’t know. It’s scary and I feel like there’s no way I could come out of this better.
My commitment: To keep moving forward. To be sensitive to the feelings of those around me, and to give the truly important people an outlet to express how my actions have made them feel.
I know this is late for a VPA, but I think I need to post it. Here is a better option than either of my blogs; it doesn’t belong on my Business Thing blog, and I keep my Business Thing off my hobby blog.
What I want: I want positive, comfortable growth for my Business Thing. To do this, I need to have the courage both to go for the great opportunities and to ditch the ones that don’t fit, without blowing off my Day Job or my family. I need to find the sweet spot where my energies are nurturing the Business Thing where it needs it the most.
Ways this could work: I could commit to 15 minutes a day of MyBusinessThing time. I could sit with my avoidance and talk to it. I could make lists and colour them in. I could restart my Shiva Nata practice and be open to more clarity. Other ways.
My commitment: To accept that success is scary, but that I do want this for my Business Thing. To believe that my recent success was real, and not just people Being Nice. To perform my day job with attention and integrity until such time as I can hand it over and pursue my Thing full-time.
.-= Alison´s last post … 26) Still in hiding, and success with sourdough =-.
Follow up on my VPA.
I went to networking thing and it was mostly fine. It turned out that my friend, Camilla was going too, so we hung out together and both felt braver. It was a stretch out of my comfort zone but I had a much better time than I expected.
Of course, now I’m giving myself a hard time because I feel that I was too overbearing and talked too much, so even though it’s over, I’m STILL having anxiety around it.
But hey, at least it is over AND I learnt some important stuff about myself and how I am in crowds.
.-= Kirsty Hall´s last post … Art School Monster =-.