Personal ads! They’re … personal! Very.
So my itty bitty personal ads made me realize that it’s time to make a regular practice of trying to feel okay asking for stuff.
Even when the asking thing feels weird and conflicted.
Ever since I posted the first one asking my perfect house to find me, which united me with Hoppy House, I have been a fan of the madness that is personal ads.
And now it’s my weekly ritual. Yay, ritual!
Let’s do it.
Thing 1: to be able to TRUST THE TIMING OF THINGS.
Here’s what I want:
There’s a lot that’s undecided right now. And not really up to me. Waiting on other people’s decisions.
I’m ready to get better at actually believing that things are going to work out, and that whatever way that is will be okay. Somehow.
Ways this could work:
It just could.
I could do Dance of Shiva on it.
I could cry some more.
Or I could wake up feeling mysteriously hopeful like I did this morning.
My commitment.
To notice where I am with this.
To not be impressed by the fact that yeah, we’re still working on it.
To be genuinely curious when my monsters show up.
To breathe and write and dance until I know that the right thing is coming.
And if that doesn’t happen, until I remember something else that is reassuring and beautiful and true.
Thing 2: to close the doors to Camp Biggification.
Here’s what I want:
I’m doing work on The Playground this week. We have all sorts of fabulous fun-brewing things going on.
I want to let four more people into the wacky adventure that is Camp Biggification and then close it down.
This week is crazy with teaching and other developments, so I won’t have time to do anything promotional.
So I need the last four lovely people to come find me in the next day or two.
Ways this could work:
It just could.
I could send a letter to my private list of people who are awesome (aka the Hey I’m Doing A Thing list from the events page).
Perfect timing.
My commitment.
An outrageously great experience that changes everything. But in a good way.
To make sure that each person who comes feels welcomed and loved. To be joyful about us finding each other.
To laugh and play and be happy. To find out what kind of pie we’ll be having.
Thing 3: more movement with the Shiva Nata website.
Here’s what I want:
We already made a bunch of changes to the Shiva Nata site.
It’s time for more.
I’d like to write some FAQs without going crazy. And to add a page about the new studio.
To put in updates about the teacher training being full. Stuff like that.
Ways this could work:
I could magically get in the mood.
Or find a window or two this week.
I could dance on it and get some Shivanautical epiphanies about why I’m in resistance.
My commitment.
To put this here as a reminder that it’s important to me.
And then to give myself permission to let things percolate for a while.
Thing 4: a perfect, simple solution
Here’s what I want:
A perfect, simple, elegant solution to this issue that has been costing me sleep.
Ways this could work:
Breathing. Hoping. Wishing. Loving. Waiting. Trusting.
I don’t know.
My commitment.
To keep returning to the possibility that this perfect, simple solution exists, whatever it is, and that it will find me. Maybe it is finding me right now.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
I asked for faith, and help maintaining it. And that’s definitely been the theme of the week, for sure.
With ups and downs. But always the focus.
Then I asked for a new way to be in the state of waiting for things. And that has been really interesting. I get it in flashes. And then it’s gone. And then it’s back.
Very cool. Will wait and see how this develops.
I needed a name for Camp Biggification (and I got one). Whew. And now it’s time for the next part of that ask to get some attention. Useful stuff.
Comments. Since I’m already asking …
I am adding to my practice of asking for stuff by being more specific about what I would like to receive in the comments.
Here’s what I want (just leave them in the comments):
- Your own personal ads, small or large. Things you’ve asked for. Or are asking for. Or would like to ask for. Or updates on last time!
What I would rather not have:
- Reality theories (can we avoid words like “manifest”?)
- Shoulds. As in, “You should be doing it like this” or “That’s not the right way to ask for things — instead it should be like x, y and z”
- To be judged, psychoanalyzed or given advices.
My commitment.
I am committing to getting better at asking for things even when asking feels weird.
Thanks for doing this with me!
Follow
Havi, I love following the thread of your asks in these weekly VPA’s, seeing where you’ve been and where life is leading you.
Wishing you the radiant miracles of right timing, simplicity, flow and completion this week!
My VPA for this week:
To rest in true contentment. To love where I am and what I’m doing. To know that this is enough.
Love, Hiro
.-= Hiro Boga´s last post … Meditations From the Center: 2 =-.
Dear Havi’s feeling of waking up “mysteriously hopeful”,
You are wonderful!
And I am excited that you have a name! Now that I know your name I can keep an eye out for you.
“mysteriously hopeful”
“mysteriously hopeful”
“mysteriously hopeful”
love
Pat
Magic to everyone’s VPAs. And Havi, to your perfect, simple solution and to the very concept of a perfect simple solution. This morning brushing my teeth I was thinking about VPA ideas, and that very phrase, which I learned from you, flew through my mind.
What I want: A perfect, simple solution. Specifically, to get my puppy dog moved from Seattle to Southern California. Without danger or stress or trauma, to either of us. Next best thing would be a clear decision about the best way to do this without completely freaking out. Safety, confidence, reassurance.
Ways this could work: I could suddenly get comfortable with one of the options I’ve already considered. Or new options could appear. The choice could be obvious. That would be awesome.
My commitment: To spend time with this now. To talk to M & T about it. Maybe I’ll write a letter to my doggie and see what he thinks. Oh! I like that one.
.-= Briana´s last post … The Talent Code. (Or, why I’m trying to suck at stuff.) =-.
Havi, I wish you all the best in fulfillment of your VPAs. I love the name of Camp Biggification, and I even feel like the logo could go on a 60s-style postcard: “GREETINGS from Camp BIGGIFICATION”.
I have two this week:
Thing 1: A client.
Here’s what I want:
Well, a client. I’ve launched my tiny business and I feel confident in it, but I don’t think I’ll feel like it’s a Real Business until someone wants to hire me. Until then, my You’re Just A Dilettante monster (her name is Betty and she appears as an upper-class 1920s young woman, because when I was young I confused “dilettante” and “debutante” and the image has always stuck) will be telling me “you’re nothing but an amateur, you should just go and get a Real Job because you’re never going to make money doing something you enjoy“. And while yes, this is an internal issue, one of the possible solutions is external. (And that solution has the advantage of making sure I make the rent… 😉
Ways this could work:
Someone could find my website and hire me.
Or someone could refer someone else to me.
Or I could come across someone saying “gosh, I need web design!” and be able to say “hey, I can help with that.”
My commitment:
I will look for people who need the help I can offer, without feeling like a sell-out or a sham.
I will be open to people coming to me from unexpected places.
I will not – as is usually my reflex – say “oh, don’t worry about payment, I’m just happy to help.” I am happy to help. But gratis work doesn’t count to Betty.
Thing 2: Goals.
What I want:
To be able to commit to my
goalsoutcomes (I like Naomi and Sinclair’s reasoning for that term switch) fully, without thinking “oh, that could never happen to me”. I wonder which monster that is. Probably Frank (because he thinks he is), the Nothing’s Ever Going To Get Better monster.It’s worse because he’s ganging up with the You’re Not Supposed To Want That monster, whose name is Matt (after someone I knew in college who believed that there was no difference between setting goals that weren’t ENTIRELY spiritual and being Bernie Madoff. It was that kind of college).
Ways this could work:
This one’s all internal.
Realizing that the people who want what’s best for me – my Right People – aren’t going to judge me for my choice of desired outcomes.
Realizing that I should be one of the people who want what’s best for me.
My commitment:
I will remember that I don’t have to allow myself to be treated like a child (“you clearly don’t know what’s best for you!”).
I will remember that I am allowed to reach for the stars.
I will remember that my personal goals are not all required to involve spiritual enlightenment.
Wow. That last one was harder than I thought it would be.
Best wishes and best of luck to all. <3
.-= Chris Anthony´s last post … On adulthood =-.
Simple, sweet ease to everyone’s VPA’s.
I had someone throw big, venomous shoes at me on Thursday. And I have to work with them soon. I’m contracted to do so, otherwise I wouldn’t.
and it’s a big thing that we’re working on together.
Here’s what I want:
I need to be at peace about working with this person.
I need the workshop space we share to be one of peace, safety and discovery.
How it could happen:
I could focus on my work and the beautiful students that I’ll be teaching.
I could sit in prayer and meditation about the situation until I felt better about it.
I could forgive myself for being so emotional about it.
It could just happen!
My commitment:
I’m going to enjoy this mother’s day and not dwell on it.
I’m going to ask a few friend-colleagues to talk with me about the work that I’m presenting and to help me get excited about it.
.-= Bridget´s last post … When life gives you lemons…seriously…what? =-.
what? i’m the first? aaaahaaaahhhhhhhh how amazing.
my big ask for the week: to quote you, a simple, elegant, peaceful, happiness-inducing solution to the current job crisis. something that leaves me feeling less victimized by circumstances and my administration and still lets everyone have what they need to work and be happy.
how this could happen:
money could miraculously come from some place to fix the current state of imbalance.
it just could.
the administration could decide to throw in non-monetary bonuses and sparkles.
i could reframe the issue, or redefine it. find the concealed aspects of God in this.
i could, a la you again, become mysteriously hopeful that this might work out all to the good.
my committment:
to practice finding the concealed aspects of God in this situation, and to allow space for mysterious hope and miracles to enter and work their magic.
thing #2: finding my way back to shiva nata
what i’d like:
a natural rhythm and ritual to re-establish itself for my shiva nata practice. when i first started, i was waking up 30 minutes earlier to do some level 1 arms and journal, and that was great–until i started choosing to sleep in more and more often. then, i stopped because i wasn’t getting those wacky pips any longer. but i need the insight and familiarity with myself it offers me, and so i would like to invite shiva to find a natural rhythm. would you like to be together every day again? three times a week? something that would work to bring the power into my life and heart but erm…not involve me waking up at 5:15. can we think about this together?
how this could work:
i could bring it up during my next practice so we can all work on it together
experiment and try different blocks of time/ levels/ etc. to see what might be better than my current routine (funny how i give myself permission to do what i already know when it feels too hard/ stressful/ too short a time to try something new…
maybe even do something radical and let go of notions of what a practice is supposed to look like
it just could!
my commitment:
to play around with time/ level/ location to see what could work best for me
to be more open to the idea of my personal practice as being…you know…mine. aka shiva nata sovereignty!
to be gentle on mySelves as we all learn new things!
One of my VPAs last week was for help with exploring ideas for my new blog and now I have exactly what I needed. Yay!
VPA 1: Continuing Mission Blog
I have my map of Things I Need for the blog, now I want to work on the theme. I know what it’s going to be about, so now’s time to translate the swirly thoughts in my head to words so people can have an idea of whether my blog is going to be something they want to read.
Ways this could work
Getting the felt tips out and making some thought spirals. Setting myself aside a dedicated time slot to work on it.
My Commitment
Work with the monsters who are cavorting about, rather than just pretending they aren’t there and then wondering why I’m horribly stressed and not enjoying it at all.
Giving myself permission not to be perfect…or at least trying to.
VPA 2: Snap Happy
I miss taking photos. I seem to sideline it as being ‘self-indulgent’ and therefore not really worth spending time on. I want to spend 2 hours this week either taking photos or working with them in photoshop.
How this could work:
Schedule those two hours in my diary.
Look at why I think it is self-indulgent – perhaps some dance of shiva would help with this.
My Commitment:
To treat those two hours with as much respect as I would an appointment I scheduled with someone else. Like seeing a friend. Hmm, would it be horrifically twee if I said I’m having a date with my camera? Possibly yes.
Yay! VPA Day!
UPDATE on last week: things are positioned on decks, which are much clearer than they were. Imperfect, all of it, but I think part of my process is learning to develop a higher tolerance for chaos (the other part is doing what I reasonably can to reduce it).
This week!
What I want: Wrassle this dino to the ground. Or at least get it in a headlock.
How it might work: I get help (no one said we can’t gang up on the dino). Dino lays down! Magically! Dino reveals friendly face and truest heart, we sit down and have coffee and he agrees to lie down.
My commitment: Nei Kung every day. Continue with the Specter of Wayne to keep my body junk-free (and my head clearer, for wrasslin’ and other violence-free opportunities). Remembrance, possibly with Jason.
Good week, one and all! Thank you, Havi and Selma!
.-= Colleen Wainwright´s last post … Frrrrriday Rrrrroundup! =-.
Update on last week’s ad which consisted of asking for help with managing my workload and trying to restore just a bit of balance to my life:
I didn’t see any reduction in my workload but I did better with keeping a list of what had to be done each day and trying to focus on those items. On the balance issue I managed to get a minimum of 30 minutes of exercise 7 days straight! At least 3 of the days were a little bit longer.
This week I ask for continued help with managing the workload and restoring a bit of balance to my life.
Ways this could work: I can continue to be open to opportunities for others to lend support and assistance. I can stop trying to solve all the problems of the program myself and instead ask my interim director for some assistance.
My commitment: To let go of the need to be perfect. To let go of the need to please everyone.
VPA!
Here’s to perfect and simple solutions. Hell yeah – get me one of those!
Dear me,
What I want
Clarity, peace of mind, the absence of guilt, self trust specifically in relation to a new job – where I have the misfortune of happening upon someone who is scary and disturbing and sent me horrible, horrible texts last year.
I want my own inner conflict to resolve. To trust that if I let this work go – it does not mean that there are no other work places that I won’t enjoy. (I liked this one until this man contacted me. I really, really liked it)
I have a ‘right’ (do I?) to go to work and not be afraid. I don’t have to protect all women – it’s not my job to make myself the sacrificial lamb so that he can reveal his true nature and get locked up – or sectioned!
I would like to…trust myself more than my logical therapist and my logical friends who just say – block his email and see what happens?
I want to fall in love with myself – so that I can know that there is nothing in me that deserves to work around people who neither appreciate me, nor definately those who actually go out of their way to make me feel scared.
I don’t have to be brave. I don’t have to be. This does not make me undeserving.
Actually I need to come to terms with the part of me that thinks I should stay it out and see if I can handle it. I’m ambivalent and my head is feeling messed with and I’m sad that my therapist doesnt make me feel protected – that she cant say the right thing either.
This is a bluuuu VPA. Bluu bluu vomit.
I hope too for clarity and comfort and for opportunities to arise for work that makes me feel safe, connected, happy. I hope for all kinds of magic and easy solutions. I would really like to be more open to ease, ease, flow, no more struggle.
Thanks to all. Havi, Selma – so lovely to hear about your dreams growing, through the good and the hard, beautiful stuff.
x
.-= Leila Lloyd-Evelyn´s last post … A brief interlude today =-.
@Leila Leila Leila Sunflowers and Cherries – yes, that’s what I’m calling you today … sorry to hear about all the hard. What an uncomfortable situation to be in. Wishing you ease and comfort with this one.
@gadgetgirl – ditto on your commitments. I want those too!
@Colleen – I adore you.
@Jane – whooo! Thought spirals!
@jessie – concealed aspects. sigh of relief. yes.
@Bridget – oh no! Big, venomous shoes! Oh NO. That sounds awful. So sorry to hear. Yuck.
@Chris – that was some fine VPA-ing there. Absolutely terrific stuff. And I love your monster names. It makes them so relate-able, but also smaller, which is important.
@Briana – writing to your doggie! So sweet. I love it.
@Pat – mysteriously hopeful!
@Hiro – love and love
Also hoping you receive those simple solutions.
Here’s what I want:
I want to be able to spend the next three months without too much worry. I don’t want any monsters to show me the worst case scenario when it comes to my other half’s health and safety as we take University exams and then he flies half way across the world on placement for a month. I want to be able to sleep. I want to be able to get out of bed each morning not worried. I want to feel safe and supported and I want my abandonment monsters to be reassured (because I may not be strong enough to reassure them myself). I want to be able to cope with the 3.5 months away from him; without all that past-stuff taking over my life.
Ways this could work:
Breathing. Crying. Dancing. Singing. Fruit & vegetables. Talking. lots and lots of communication with trusted people. TRUSTING. Loving. Waiting. More breathing. Faith.
People may send me random comments and notes with uplifting/supportive content.
I can remember that we go 5 weeks without seeing each and have gone 6 weeks apart. 14 is going to be difficult, but it isn’t impossible.
I’ll remember that there is still the possibility i’ll get to see him the week before his flight. There’s still hope. In fact this VPA could work by making sure we have a day together before his flight in July.
My commitment.
To try my best at accepting help when offered. To trust my other half – he’s sensible and healthy. To be honest with myself about how I am feeling. To revise for my exams despite wanting to curl up in a ball and cry (some more).
To listen and to breathe as best I can.
Sorry it’s so depressing this week. Lots of hugs and luck to everyone else – hope your VPAs are answered.
~Rose
.-= Rose´s last post … Tuesday =-.
Last week, I asked for a very peaceful, restful week, and except for one very angry Monday, it really was. And who knows, maybe the angry Monday needed to happen in order to clear out some crap and make way for
ducklingsthe rest and peace.This week, I am asking for a smooth transition into working on my dissertation proposal, which I’ve stealthily already started, but which officially kicks off a week from Monday when the summer session begins. This means that in the next week, I need to finalize my topic (nearly there) and sort out some financial issues.
How this can happen: Focus. Shiva dancing. Empowering myself to ask for support.
My commitment: To be playful and passionate about this stuff whenever I can — and when I can’t, to be gentle and kind with myself.
.-= Kathleen Avins´s last post … Liberation =-.
VPA! VPA! VPA!
Happy VPA’s to all. Its been ages since I’ve known how to ask.
What I want:
I have the image in my head of what I want my life to look like. Its so clear I can smell the fire pit and the lawn clippings. My ask for this week is the learn what the first step to getting there is.
Ways this could work:
It could be a shivanautical bing moment.
Coaching appointments could happen sooner than I think they will and make it all clear.
I could understand one of the wacky dreams I’ve been having and figure out what I suspect my subconscious knows.
I could read someone’s blog or website and find meditation that makes it clear.
The 999,000,987,675,945th mind-map/brainstorming list/journal entry could bring it out.
My commitment:
to accept that I don’t need to see the whole path
to dance shiva on the stuck bits
be grateful for the bits that DO work
to know the difference!!
to say goodbye to the bits that don’t work and mourn them if necessary. complete with tears if needed
Thank you Havi & Selma for creating a VPA’ing place!!
Well-wishes to all the VPA’s here… xoxo
What I Want:
To remember that my main job is to make good memories. And that if I do that, everything else will flow wonderfully, naturally, and beautifully.
How It Could Happen:
– I could make a worksheet and write down at least 10 good memories as the day is going on…
– I could tweet about some of the new good memories I’m making.
– I could draw a picture of me making good memories and put it on my special table.
– I could follow my Trip Itinerary because I’ve scheduled fun things into it.
My commitment:
I’m going to pay attention to how I feel. If I’m thinking a lot of should statements, or I am worrying, then I know I am not making a good memory. Instead, I’m feeling scared, unsupported, and unsafe.
I’m going to stop what I’m doing if I recognize that, and I’m going to make a new choice. And make sure that my needs are met.
I won’t pick up what I was doing before until I am feeling happy and glad about life again.
So yes…remembering that my only job is to make good memories in my life. Love this.
To good memory making…!
.-= Mona´s last post … Day 1: Plotting The Course To Continuity Land =-.
Hoping for some mysterious hopefulness about Two Things.
Thing One
What I want: To be able to cry without reinforcing old patterns that are decidedly not useful.
[I’ve never cried much or easily. In the last year, I’ve become more aware of my emotions and physical state as well as my thoughts, and how all these are inter-related. I’ve had some good cries and felt the release and calm afterward. I can recognize when a good cry would help by the heaviness I carry around in my head.
All this is great progress, but now I’ve been in need of a good cry for several weeks and can’t figure out how to get there without a lot of working myself up with the sorts of exaggerated “woe is me” thoughts that tend to lead into a downward spiral of depression.]
How this could happen:
Some perfectly elegant solution that I can access again and again when I need to. I don’t even need to understand it, though I’d like to.
I could somehow become aware of the next physical or emotional link that could trigger the release without the negative thoughts.
Some trigger will naturally come along that gets the crying done without my stuff having to outrageously provoke it.
My commitment:
To turn some attention to this with Shiva Nata.
To let go of the needing to understand everything.
To keep being aware of my body and what needs and giving it some appreciation.
Thing Two
What I want: To have a difficult conversation with someone I love go smoothly. To NVC it. To feel heard. For him to know that I appreciate him greatly even though he’s not perfect. To be open to hearing things I don’t expect.
How this could happen: I could be brave and acknowledge my stuff without letting it get in the way of explaining what I need.
My commitment: I will wait for the right circumstance when we are feeling good and at ease with each other. To keep reviewing the NVC before bed. To keep reminding myself not to make assumptions. To persist until I’m heard even if it’s uncomfortable and hard.
Wow, so many interesting VPAs. And Havi, I’ll bet you’ve already found those last 4 people for Biggification Camp!
Here’s my VPA:
Here’s what I want:
To completely fill up my Alt Marketing – Alt Galleries home-study with the right people – artists who get together and do a Thing.
I would rather spend the time right now carefully and lovingly finishing up the course material and making sure it’s awesome and wonderful and exactly right for the artists who sign up, rather than in promoting it.
Plus the price goes up after May 18, the start of the course. So I want all those artists who’d rather get it at the pre-launch price to have a chance to do that.
Ways this could work:
– people who know me could tweet it up or post it on their own blogs
– people on my list who are artists could notice and realize that the course is perfect for them
– the people who I’m contacting personally could get excited about it and send the link on to the artists they know
– I could run into someone who can help at my Wednesday event, or at the opening on Friday.
– an artist who needs some help could Google “alternative marketing galleries” and find my sign-up page.
– I could do Dance of Shiva and think of a totally different way to reach the right people with lots of ease and natural movement.
My commitment:
– To give artists who thought, never in a million years will a take a class in MARKETING, a course that they’ll love.
– To give those artists the personal support and encouragement they need throughout the process.
– To be excited for each and every person who signs up.
Thanks and good wishes for everyone else’s VPAs!
Maryann
.-= Maryann Devine´s last post … The random. =-.
I’m late on the VPAs, and mine is not so small.
Thing I Want: A new job
It should be for an organization that makes life better for people in a way that the actual people feel better. It should show value the people that work there by giving them adequate resources to do their jobs well and by paying them well. For me, that means at least $10k more than what I’m currently making. It should be well-respected and non profit.
It should take advantage of my best skills: communications strategy and writing and mentoring other communicators. It should not involve the things I dislike, namely stoopid detail work, like event planning and mailing list management. It should be close to home and my kiddo’s school–within 20 minutes. And it should give me a flexible-ish schedule like I have now.
My commitment:
To listen to the monsters and calm them down.
To do some shiva nata on the job.
To do a “right employment” core with my PSYCH-K therapist this week.
To keep my heart and mind open to faith, and magic, that this thing is coming to me and coming to me soon.
Other Thing I Want: A solution to the perimenopause stuff
No details. But suffice it to say that I am tired and tired of it. I want to feel good again.
My commitment:
to do a core on “healthy body” with my PSYCH-K therapist in the next 2 weeks
to keep an open mind about the options I’ve found, and give everything a try even if it feels hard (ie diet changes)or scary (if it comes to major surgery)
to do some shiva nata on it to find out if there are some patterns I can change now to help my body get back into balance.
.-= lynn @ human, being´s last post … Mother’s Day in Pictures =-.