Note: it is almost impossible to get on the Ask Havi list. This person got in by a. being one of my clients or students, b. flattering the hell out of my duck, and c. making life easy on me by being clear about what the question was and what details I could use.
During yesterday’s (crazy-fun) Strategy of Not Being Strategic call with Pistachio, there were some fantastic questions.
And because we were answering a gazillion questions a second (the official stats aren’t in yet, but that’s what it felt like), a couple of those questions are still lingering in my mind. Three, actually.
Lingering because they need more attention.
This stuff relates to a lot of what we talk about here when we talk about vulnerability and serving your Right People and not hiding from the people who need you.
Even if you’re not a Twitterite yet. Even if you’re not hanging out with me at the world’s greatest bar/cafe yet.
It’s relevant.
FYI: You can also read the search results for the hashtag #NotStrategy to follow some of what we were talking about, as well as some of the related conversations that emerged between the smart, fun, interesting people in the class.
“How do you reach the people who don’t know they need your message?”
Background: I was talking about Michael Port’s concept of the red velvet rope (anything that draws your Right People in and keeps out the people you don’t want to connect to).
For example, my duck Selma is a very useful red velvet rope.
So Lisa Scheff (who is a lovely person and is @doorsopen on Twitter) wanted to know how this could work if the people you want to talk to aren’t necessarily open to or interested in your message.
“I am not selling a service or a project. My project is about opening hearts and minds to same sex marriage. If I am “selling” anything it is compassion and change of heart.
It seems as though my right people are the ones who disagree with me. So I don’t really want a red velvet rope, do I? I want the people who *are* resistant to what I am selling reading me.
Can I use Twitter to connect to my readers? Or maybe I should just be using it to connect with allies and find other ways to connect with my target audience… thoughts?”
My thoughts on this.
1. You’re right. It’s a problem.
The people whose hearts you want to change are — in most cases — not going to be the ones who will be following you and interacting with you on Twitter.
Twitter is a place people go to hang out, to learn, to connect, to network or to goof off completely (if you’re me). Lot of ways to use it.
As a general rule though, most people aren’t going to be looking for something to change their minds. Most people don’t show up (to anything, really) wondering “what’s going to alter my preconceived notions of the world today?”
(And if you are that curious, open sort of person, you’re probably not going to be especially challenged by the concept of equal marriage rights).
2. Here’s who is going to be following you and connecting with you on Twitter.
Activists, advocates, people who are pro-change, the gigantic and ever-changing undefinable queer community.
And, of course, gay couples whose cause and hearts you are championing. Which reminds me …
3. I think you might want to redefine who your Right People are.
The people whose hearts you want to touch so they can open up to same sex marriage are your indirect right people. Your down-the-road right people.
In the meantime, your actual right people need you. Now.
Your actual right people are the ones you care about the most. And the ones who need your love and support the most. The ones who inspired this project to begin with.
The ones who are ready right this second to join your tribe and spread the word and be excited about your mission because you’re excited about theirs.
And they’re the ones you’re already talking to (and with and about). You’re sharing their stories and bringing their light to the world. It’s big stuff.
4. You always want a red velvet rope.
Ideally, several.
5. That’s because the charm of the red velvet rope is it creates a certain sexiness.
Hard to get is a good thing.
Your message will not be accessible to all people at all times.
But that’s part of what will create buzz and excitement around it.
The people who are ready for your message will be talking about it and planting it and living it.
Which is the sort of thing that brings it attention and press (I have no idea how I would have ended up in the New York Times without Twitter) and love.
And eventually, the people who need to hear you the most won’t be able to avoid you.
In the meantime, preaching to the choir is not a meaningless service. The choir needs you to remind them about why they were so inspired about the message to begin with.
“What if my thing isn’t ready yet?”
For example, what if you’re Jason Lay (the wonderful @metanoid) who hasn’t launched his business yet?
He wanted to know if he should be connecting with people on Twitter before he had something worth promoting … and is this a useful, relevant thing to be doing with his time?
(If you’re not following Jason yet, let me mention that he has argyle robots on his page and his battlecry is “Give me whimsy, or give me death!” This guy is going to do great things in the world, clearly.)
My thoughts on this.
1. Hell yeah!
See above.
2. Here’s a story.
When my brother was getting ready to think about starting his business, I told him that I wouldn’t help him until he got on Twitter.
Between me and my gentleman friend, we knew we could hook him up with a gorgeous website, decent copy (still in the works) and everything else he needed.
But none of that matters without a bunch of fun, goofy, interesting people who are genuinely excited about you and want to know more about what you do, whatever it is.
So I forced um, encouraged him to start hanging out and being his nutty, kooky, unpredictable self. No business. Just fun.
And now he has four hundred people who adore him. When he officially launches his products, that’s four hundred people who are going to be recommending him to his right clients. Because why wouldn’t they?
3. Here’s another story.
I didn’t have a blog until after Twitter.
The Fluent Self website will be four years old this August (shakes head) but the blog is a little less than a year old.
It wasn’t until my Twitter friends started complaining that they wanted to share the genius bits in my noozletters with all their friends that I realized it was stupid to keep my content available only to subscribers. Twitter made me create this space.
And I could not be more grateful for that.
“What if I don’t know what my thing is yet?”
We all wonder about that. Seriously.
I still haven’t found my thing. I’ve just stopped worrying about it.
My thoughts on this.
1. Your thing is the beautiful quality that’s in your heart.
It doesn’t matter what form that takes. Or if the form keeps changing.
That quality will infuse every single thing you do. And the people who need that quality will flock to you.
If you’re having trouble getting in touch with all this heart stuff, I highly recommend Mark Silver‘s book and Hiro Boga‘s work.
2. We care about you. So it doesn’t matter that much what your thing ends up being.
If I love hanging out with you on Twitter, that’s enough. You’re a fellow helper mouse, right? It will be fine.
I’ll be there while you’re figuring it out. I’ll help you promote it when it has a form. I’ll connect you with people I think you’d enjoy.
3. You are a complex, multi-faceted person. That’s what keeps things interesting.
The nice thing about Twitter is that — unlike a networking meeting or a brochure or anything else that demands that you actually know what you do — it’s about people.
And there’s room there to share many, many, many aspects of people’s own unique selves.
On Twitter I’m not an expert being all expert-ey. I’m @havi. I’m someone who makes ridiculous puns. I’m someone who gets belligerent at Roller Derby. I’m someone who bakes bread and dances barefoot and makes fun of things.
So show up with all of you (or as much of you as feels comfortable) and just see what happens. I bet it will be pretty freaking magical.
That’s all for now.
Hope it was helpful. Mad love to all of you.
Follow
Havi, I love that no matter what I’m terrified of at the moment (and I feel like I’m always terrified of something), after I’ve finished reading your posts, I come away feeling like everything’s going to be all right, even if I don’t know how.
This one is no exception. Thank you.
Havi, it was SO helpful and fabulous. And it was nice to hear your voice. 🙂
I am feeling reassured that my thing is okay as a bit of a blobby inchoate creature for now. I know it will grow in some direction in some organic way. Now I just need a name for my blog…
SO well written and enjoyable!!! Found it throught a re-tweet! Great, pertinent information ~ Thank You for being well informed and YOU!
Houseonahillorgs last blog post..Reaching Out To The World Today ~
Wonderful points, all, Havi.
And I’ll add one more… being on Twitter helps you define your thing. The brevity and the connection and ease of access helps bring clarity around what you’re passionate about, how you spend your time, and how you describe yourself.
Forget spending an evening trying to craft a 10 second commercial. Spend enough time on Twitter, and you’ll end up with a single sentence description of who you are.
Kimm (@geekcoach)s last blog post..Pay Attention or Pay the Piper
“Your thing is the beautiful quality that’s in your heart.”
Generosity, being entirely yourself, giving all kinds of support to help us shine, transparency, creative glee–these are some of the beautiful qualities that flow from your heart, Havi.
I’m so grateful for you and your presence in the world.
Love, Hiro
Hiro Bogas last blog post..Stuff and Nonsense
“I’m @havi. I’m someone who makes ridiculous puns. I’m someone who gets belligerent at Roller Derby. I’m someone who bakes bread and dances barefoot and makes fun of things.”
You are also someone who is fun to know, makes me think and offers magical insights into the things that get us all stuck. Darn helpful stuff. So thank you, again, for a daily dose of inspiration.
Loved reading this. Thanks Havi! xo
Yah! And, btw, I totally agree with you about Jason Lay. I can’t believe he’s willing to intern with us over here at HoB-an amazing person. We should all hang out together once he gets to Portland.
You’re one of the inspirations for me and my blog. Slowly, slowly catching up to present time, my dear.
Mark Silvers last blog post..The 7 Necessaries for Filling a Course
“Your thing is the beautiful quality that’s in your heart.”
Ooh, I got goosebumps from this one. So a strategy, if you could call it that (or, not), is to get as close to this as possible, to honor it and gently open it up. Working on that 🙂
Eileens last blog post..How do you know when it’s time to break up?
I’m so, so glad I listened to you when you told me to get on Twitter, right at the same time I was launching my blog.
I didn’t know what my thing was, yet, either.
Still not 100% sure, but it doesn’t matter because I’m having a blast hanging out with all sorts of amazing people while I figure it out!
Victoria Brouhard (@victoriashmoria)s last blog post..What’s Happening, Hot Stuff?
Thanks for this post, Havi; it’s a nice complement to yesterday’s call.
Thanks also for this reminder:
“Your thing is the beautiful quality that’s in your heart.
It doesn’t matter what form that takes. Or if the form keeps changing. That quality will infuse every single thing you do.”
Those are reassuring words, especially when you know there are a few things that are (or could eventually be) your Thing, or that its shape may change over time. It’s reassuring to be reminded that in the end, it all comes down to this one essential truth. It also helps answer the question I had in mind lately, namely: when I launch my thing, should I have a Twitter account for me and another one for my business, or would it be fine with just mine? The answer seems pretty clear now. Yay!
Josianes last blog post..Back into Shiva Nata’s arms
Hey Havi,
I enjoyed yesterday’s call immensely! I have only recently joined Twitter, and have been feeling – well, if not overwhelmed, then at least “whelmed.” Still feeling kind of whelmed, but eager to plunge in! Thanks for the guidance!
There’s a sense of relief in reading that my thing can be that beautiful quality that’s in my heart. Ahhh.
leahs last blog post..Do Art Not Dishes: How to Stop Avoiding Your Art Supplies in Four Steps
It’s so lovely having you all around, I can’t even tell you.
@Victoria – I’m glad I bullied you into it too. Thought you’d never listen to me! 🙂
@Eileen – yes that’s a lovely way of looking at it. The only strategy you need is to spend time with yourself and your heart … and then everything will come (or not) from there and it’s not as stressful and ohmygodwhatifthisisallwrong. Yay.
@james parker – *blows kiss*
Thank you!
@Kimm – man, you are so right about that. That’s a really useful point and it also helps make the whole thing less stressful. Love it.
@Chris Anthony – I’m so glad.
Couldn’t have better people to hang out with online. It’s really, really lovely.
Great post, Havi.
The reason I’m hanging out here is that I have this amazing, A-ha! idea that just birthed a few weeks ago after two years of incubation.
Suddenly, it was there and bang! I gave birth to a business idea about creativity coaching for non-arty farty people and creative ethnography for business clients using my anthropological skills. And then I realised that I’m good at all kinds of other things (like being a fitness instructor for 20 years and being a published author) and I could probably incorporate these skills in this business as well.
And now!
This idea has just grown a life of its own, even if I’m not really ready and there’s only the shadow of a product/service. I’m a bit unsure of where to go with it, but hey, I’ll hang out here and keep Twittering (@Amanda467) about it and I’m sure it will keep tugging me along.
Although, any suggestions, advice, help are extremely welcome in the hours and weeks after birth.
Amandas last blog post..Real Yoga Vs … Well … Real Yoga
you were right (said with that face my kid gets when she says it to me)
And I’m loving it, too.
Actually, the one thing that annoys me about it is people who are all business-y and only seem to tweet to promote something.
I much prefer all the discussions about the weather. And those weird things @MitchBenn does with movie titles and stuff (he’s a UK comic; v. funny). And what people are having for lunch.
And then all the people who helped me figure out what printer I needed. Or reminded me that on my list of things to bring to the conference was water and comfortable shoes.
And whatever Ezra sells I’ll promote. Just look at how he talks about baking bread. Cool little brother you’ve got there.
JoVEs last blog post..Managing Your Research Career
I’ve been kind of hugging the concept of “right people” since I encountered it, oh, must be ten days ago now. The idea that I can just be myself and connect with people who like how I am, rather than trying to shoehorn myself into [what I perceive as] the shapes others expect of me, is intensely liberating. Thank you for this.
I’m pretty sure I have it written down in a couple places that “I am a multitude.” As it turns out, this is easy to forget, and I go and jam myself into whatever box seems most respectable, or impressive, or just plain shiny. This thing in my heart – it’s really enough, isn’t it? Thanks for the reminder Havi.
Pertaining to Twitter, I think @Pistachio might be onto something when she talked about it making her a better person. What I am already convinced of though is that it’s a hella fun place to be (second thanks to you for your magical demystification powers).
I also second Mark’s proposal of hanging out. Dunno if Mark’s idea of a good time involves non-higher-self shouting at roller derby, but it sure as heck is mine 🙂
Thank you so much for going deeper into these questions. (and also for responding to my tweet after the call.) All good.
There *were* a gazillion questions a second. What continues to delight me is, almost all the answers were Love. Love & trust your whole noble messy self. Trust your light will help your Right People find you. Your thing is the beautiful quality that’s in your heart.
Thank you, Havi.
I was sitting in a meeting today at a conference where there was networking and all the sticky stuff and I kept repeating in my head that I would find my Right People and to be open and be ok. And I thank you for that. I did miss my Twitter terribly though 🙂
Andis last blog post..Self Curating
@Mahela – speaking of love … “your whole noble messy self” is the most beautiful phrase in the entire world. Thank you for that!
Oh Havi, thank you. I sort of fell in love with those words after I wrote them. They are what we are.
I may just have to write a blog post.