I have been working on a Declaration of Independence. Actually, it’s more like a Declaration of This Is My Life, Dammit.
All this because I told the participants of my Right People Clinic that helping your Right People understand that they are, in fact, your Right People, is all about being clear.
Well, not having to be clear or anything. More like making room for things to get clear. Or clear-er.
What I really mean by being clear.
Being clear about what you stand for and what you care about and what you will not put up with, dammit.
Being clear and using the word dammit as often as possible, dammit. If only just in your head.
Oh, and let me say that yes, dammit is the most important word when you’re manifesto-ing it up, and ideally every sentence ends with it.*
Even though it can really just be implied.
*Like this: “My business is about helping people, dammit!”
Writing it down.
Think of your manifesto-ey thing as a big yeah-baby declaration of what you believe in and what you will not put up with.
Obviously, you can call it whatever you want. A declaration. A list of “here are my principles”. A battle cry.
The point is: people know where you stand. You know where you stand.
Harder than it sounds?
Hahahahaha. Oh, absolutely. For me, at least.
I’ve been running up against all kinds of stucknesses trying to write mine.
So. Here were my general guidelines for writing one, in case it helps:
1. No one has to read this. Ever.
The stuff in my Declaration of Being Fabulously Independent is for me. It’s for my clarity.
My being clear on stuff — and the experience of getting closer to this sense of clarity — will help me connect with my Right People whether or not I ever declare my Declaration of Things I Declare out loud.
2. I am allowed to be as ridiculous with it as I want.
If one of the things on my List Of Points That Define The Way My Business And My Life Function is that Billy Joel (Glass Houses-era) is my mentor, or that I jump on my trampoline-thing when people annoy me, fine.
And it’s a legitimate thing to stand for.
Not everything in the I Can’t Touch My Manifestoes has to be especially (or even slightly) deep or powerful or meaningful.
It just doesn’t.
That’s because it’s my Declaration of This Is How I Do Stuff And Baby That’s How It Is, and therefore everything on it belongs there.
3. I can take inspiration from anywhere I like.
I always think of my friend Pam Slim’s excellent take on this — like her super-inspiring screw-you Open Letter To CEOs, which still gives me the chills.
Or like this: (man, this was ages ago – I can’t believe I’ve been reading her blog for almost four years)
“I promote liberation from oppressive environments, relationships, limiting beliefs and unhealthy lifestyles. I live my life consistent with this value and encourage my clients to do the same.”
Or there’s Chris’s brief guide to world domination that does something similar.
And I definitely take inspiration from Mark who leads by example and plays frisbee in the middle of the day, and mixes Sufism into his business biggification teaching.
Pretty much anything that helps me feel inspired to do my own thing and do it my way is useful here.
Havi’s Partial and Temporary List of Things That Might Belong in A Declaration of Something … Uh, Dammit.
- I don’t have a resume.
- My business partner is a duck.
- I retain the right to do business in my pajamas.
- Nothing can make me go to Las Vegas.
- I refuse to have a desk. I don’t like desks. That’s why my desk is a chaise lounge.
- I shouldn’t have to wait for an impending break-down to take a day off.
- I am a writer, even if that’s sometimes hard for me to say. And Writer Me gets treated with respect.
- I always have permission to go do a few minutes of Shiva Nata.
- Emotional manipulation in business is icky. I won’t do it. I don’t care how many people say it’s “just part of business”. To hell with that.
- I refuse to write “promotional emails” to a list. Or any emails, to anyone. But definitely not promotional ones.
- Actually, I don’t want to sell anything.*
- Ever.**
- If I want to wear a tiara while on the phone, no one can stop me.
* I don’t mind having stuff that people can buy, as I’ve mentioned. But I’m not going to push it. I don’t have to. And I won’t. At most, I’ll mention on the blog that hey, I’m doing a thing. But not for more than maybe a paragraph.
** All together now: “I don’t want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don’t want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don’t want to do that.”
Other thoughts.
As far as I can tell, the essential thing in this whole process — like every other thing we’re working on — is about meeting yourself where you are.
Which means …
- Not making it be about where you wish you were.
- Or at least noticing that hey, I’m making it about that again …
- Reminding yourself: “Yeah. Even though I’m not there yet, this is what I’m working on right now.”
In practice, meeting yourself where you are also means fitting the items in your List Of Stuff You Stand For to what you’re actually doing right now.
So if you’re stuck doing something you hate, your Declaration of Things That Are Really Important To You might be more about themes of independence.
And what you need right now. And how you’re going to be interacting with those themes and needs.
If you’re doing what you want to be doing, you can do this too, of course. And you might also find yourself adding on things like this:
I will never go through a job interview again. You can’t make me. And I’m not going to.
Anyway, you get to play with it. You get to skip the parts that are too stressful. You get to have fun.
Ideally, your Hey I Have Things To Say About My Life And How It Works Statement is something that makes you feel better about things, and not something that’s completely depressing and horrible.
Play with me?
Mine is extremely incomplete. A work in progress. Very in progress.
But it’s a start. It’s tiny little glimpses of clarity and direction. Which is useful.
Anyway, I guess my point is ignore the bits that aren’t useful for you and do the parts that do help you have fun with it.
And if you want to share bits and pieces of your own Declaration of Things That Make It A Glorrrrrious Day (or thoughts about the process) that would be lovely. Yay!
Comment zen, as usual, is as follows:
We all have our stuff. We’re all working on our stuff. We’re practicing.
Follow
**Lloyd Dobler is my hero.
This is a really valuable thing to do, and I’m looking forward to fleshing more of these out. But there are two that popped immediately into my mind:
– I will not work for or with out-and-out jerks again. No matter what they want to pay me or how much they want to flatter me, it’s not enough. That level of suckitude seeps into the rest of your life; life is too short and it’s just not worth it.
– I require at least one window in my workspace. Preferably with a view.
And I’m seriously mulling over the items about not selling. I suck at writing self-promo stuff, and I have had a hard time figuring out why. But maybe it’s because I’m supposed to suck at it because I’m taking the wrong approach. Lots to chew on there.
.-= Lori Paximadis´s last post … tidbits: turkey edition =-.
Ha! I love your List of Things Dammit! 🙂 And now that I’ve made it to age 60 without ever having done most of what one is “supposed to do”, I am now going to live the rest of my life pretty much doing what my heart leads me to.
Which is why I’ve been up since 4 am, eaten a banana-and- pecans snack, listened to Miles Davis while writing a blog post, and am still hanging out in my pj’s.
So here’s the start to my List of Things Dammit:
*I will play in my pajamas until I’m good and ready.
*I will bring all of me along wherever I go. And I will listen deeply to the voices of my heart, and to yours too.
*I will use my time and energy in ways that carry me along the great river of joy.
*I will honor and trust your Presence and my own.
* I will be the Supreme Sovereign of Startling Silliness.
…More to follow!
Thanks for starting this grand new game, Havi! 🙂
Love, Hiro
.-= Hiro Boga´s last post … The With-ness of We =-.
LOVE this and will work on my list. And this just made my day:
If I want to wear a tiara while on the phone, no one can stop me.
love
tatty
.-= TattyFraney´s last post … Global Edition # 23 – the "ouch" edition =-.
Declaration of Something Dammit.
God, how I love that attitude. All sassy and defining and gauntlet throwing, for yourself, the most important person to hear it, first. Here goes:
*I work with people who want to go deep, deeper than the culture’s recommended daily allowance of knowing who they are and what makes them happy.
*I work with people who write their own definitions of success and live their lives based on that roadmap.
*I hold the space for the people looking for me (the right people!) to confront what it would mean to dismantle the bogey man of doing-things-the-way-they-are-supposed-to-be-done, cuz go ahead, I can take it and I’ll be here cheering you on when you’re done.
*I read ecstatic poetry to people in coffee shops and hand out blissmongerisms, to connect people with themselves, and to just to see what happens.
Man, this is fun!! Thank you for doing this work yourself, and for inviting us to play along!
Deb, The Blissmonger
I think your chaise lounge comment has inspired me!
Mine is still a work in progress, but here are a few ..
Mornings are for me.
I will not push my services on anyone. Ever.
Regular breaks to pet and hug the puppy are essential.
As is time to take the puppy for a long walk in the middle of the day – not morning, not evening, during the actual day.
I will honor my time and energy by doing things that bring me joy.
I need a window in my workspace – and color.
I will bring all of me into whatever I do.
I will be ok with the fact that I cannot really explain what I am doing.
.-= Elizabeth´s last post … and they lived happily ever after =-.
This is awesome!
Here are a few of mine:
–I refuse to have boring conversations. Small talk sucks. Life is too short for boredom.
–I’m done pretending I’m not a dork.
–My opinions come with me. If people are intimidated by opinions, however kindly expressed, that is Not My Problem.
–I don’t want to be sensible. And I don’t have to be sensible.
–My yoga pants are an essential part of my creativity. As are purple fuzzy crocs. And sometimes Shreck ears.
Thanks, Havi!
.-= Julie´s last post … Wherever You Go, There You Are =-.
This has come at EXACTLY the right time for me. I need to respond to an e-mail about services and I think maybe doing this exercise first is going to help.
I, too, am doing this to help people dammit.
I believe that academic work can be a great job for the right people, and I want to help those people get to the great.
I also believe that academics can be great at other things so sometimes, that’s what I will help people figure out those other things.
Life is too short to deal with most economists, though. Sorry, but that discipline makes me physically uncomfortable. And I can’t help people doing work that I do like in that discipline fit in with their fucked disciplinary culture.
All those humanities people that are generally derided by our culture as being irrelevant actually make me happy. Historians, philosophers, art historians, post-modern literary critics, all of them. I love working with them.
This is helpful. I will continue on my own in my notebook where I can find it again. Thanks.
By the way, the “chaise lounge” is disturbing me, perhaps in the same way that the plural of forum disturbs you. I want the french to be consistent — chaise longue — even though I am also amused by how that “u” moved to a place that describes what you do in that particular kind of chair.
.-= JoVE´s last post … Maybe sitting at your desk to work is the problem =-.
Hi Sweetie.
What fun! A Dammit Declaration! I like this one a lot!!!!
You and I have a couple of the same ones like never, EVER sending out a promotional email… the thought of that just makes me CRINGE… and not ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER resorting to some kind of emotional manipulation when letting people know about my classes or workshops. I’ve always felt that people should only come because they want to. And they seem to want to!
And not having a desk. Well, actually I DO have a desk, but the only reason I have one is that a friend of mine made it for me and it’s painted with beautiful images and colors, and I love to look at it, but I would never SIT at the darn thing! I do all my work either in bed or laying on my couch.
I really, really like the tiara idea! I might have to steal that one from you.
I will wear scads and gobs of my fabulous turquoise jewelry everywhere that I want- to the gym, when I’m camping, when I’m just hanging out and doing nothing in particular.
I will take the time out of the middle of my work day to read whatever pleases me and then take a nap.
I will use as many exclamation points as my little heart desires!!!!!!
Thanks for the opportunity to play.
Adoring you madly as always,
Chris
.-= chris zydel´s last post … Abuse Your Art Supplies =-.
I just had to say Dance of Shiva-ing as a career is about as fabulous as kick-boxing, Lloyd Dobbler!
.-= Tara´s last post … Craft Attack Round-up =-.
Havi, this is inspired! The post, and the concept. I heart it so much, dammit. This line caught me by surprise and made me laugh out loud:
“Being clear and using the word dammit as often as possible, dammit. If only just in your head.” Awesome. 🙂
My personal emphasis-adder is goddammit, all run together and blasphemous (depending on who you’re talking to, but even to me it’s slightly scandalous, which is good for adding punch).
I, frankly, am not sure at this moment what I absolutely will or will not do. The manifesto concept, when applied to my life, makes me squirmy, because I am always tweaking and shifting! Though there are certainly some parts that don’t shift, that I’m sure how I want them to be. I might have to go away and think about this more, goddammit.
.-= Amna (@Germinational)´s last post … Germinational: Lord, grant me the sense to put myself to bed when it’s time. Like now. =-.
Love this post. I’m looking for a full-time (paying) job right now, while keeping Sorted going, and I think I need to work my Dammits into my statement of intention about the job.
– I will only work with people who are fully engaged in what they’re doing.
– I will no longer settle for a passive-aggressive environment or a sick, moldy building.
– I’m not going to beg or plead for a job; I’m going to meet with people who want somebody to help them and who are interested in what I can do
Love reading these posts!
.-= Catherine Cantieri, Sorted´s last post … How to do your best work when you’re sick =-.
Heehee! Dammit all, this is good fun! I love reading everyone else’s responses.
Here are some of mine: I won’t sell through a gallery unless it’s a fabulous fit and feels great to me.
-Staring into space for long periods is required as are long walks in the woods and naps with cats.
-Silly socks are serious business.
-I check in with myself about what I need in the moment, to-do list be damned!
-Um…dammit!
🙂
xo
.-= leah´s last post … Giveaway! Goddess Leonie’s Divine Dreaming Meditation Kit =-.
You’re always fabulous and inspirational and insightful, but this time? You quoted Say Anything. You officially kicks ass. I’m still a ways away from throwing off the chains, but most definitely moving that direction at my own glacial pace. A manifesto following your model will play a big part in my fight for freedom.
(Gonna be singing “Joe Lies…When He Cries” all day.)
.-= Denise dS´s last post … A Cut Above, from the Man I Love =-.
I like these lists a lot.
I’m adding-
I can have as much pink yarn as I want.
If somebody doesn’t “get” me, that’s their problem.
.-= Bridget´s last post … Chakras and such =-.
@leah – “silly socks are serious business!” I’m putting that on my crest. Yay!
@Catherine – not settling for a passive-aggressive environment! Yay!
See? I can’t stop exclaiming over these.
@Amna – I think “tweaking and shifting” should be part of your dammit statement. Like: “I shouldn’t have to ever decide on one specific thing because I’m always tweaking and shifting, dammit!”
Or: “I’m allowed to have as much tweaking and shifting in my life as I need, dammit!” Something like that. Because tweaking and shifting seem like necessary parts of it right now, which is definitely not a bad thing.
@JoVE – you tell em! No economists! I love the way you take a stand. 🙂
@Julie – wow. “I don’t want to be sensible. And I don’t have to be sensible.” I am totally borrowing that one. It’s brilliant.
Oh, these are all so, so great.
Yay for this post! Yay for this list, dammit!
Yay for pajamas and chaise lounges. (I feel like I partly gave you permission on those, did I? Because my utopian society is a pajama colony where we all recline on chaise lounges and eat really excellent cheese and fruit.
.-= Lisa Firke´s last post … What I’ve been doing when I haven’t been writing blog posts =-.
Marvellous.
Let’s see…
I will be proud of my liking for sparkly things. I will get a big sparkly ring and wear it to tango, and then feel sorry for the chic tangueras who aren’t flashing little beams of rainbow light around the room.
Twig the Fairy is my new business model.
I do not use yellow highlighting or big red headings. I don’t care if you tell me it makes people buy more stuff. You’re wrong.
I reserve the right to spend the money I earn on waltzing around the world, dancing tango, swimming with dolphins, and getting massages, instead of putting it in some kind of pension plan.
All small business owners are heroes.
I will develop my business (and all aspects of my life) in the direction I feel called to rather than the direction that seems sensible.
Piskie is spelled with a ‘sk’, dammit.
Raaaaaaa!
Oops. Sorry about the hyper hyperlink.
Kate! Piskie! Raaaaaaaaaa! I love you.
This is soooo perfect. Love it! I can see how it would have to be a work in progress, because stuff comes up all the time that makes you think, “yeah, I need to add a guideline for that.”
So off the top of my head:
-I don’t wear suits. Or heels. Or hairspray. Ever. Nothing anyone says will change my mind about this dammit. (Yes, surprisingly this has been an issue…)
-I will use whatever vocabulary I choose to make my point dammit. There’s a dictionary on my desk if you need it.
-I will leave whenever I feel like it, dammit. If I want to go for a walk, I’m so gone.
-And yes, like Lori up there in comment #1, a window is a necessity. And no you may not close my blinds dammit.
(Wow, who knew that the addition of “dammit” would make everything feel so…meant.)
.-= Emily´s last post … A Quick Guide to the Quick-Clean =-.
ok I really really want a shocking pink chaise longue to lounge on … even though I haven’t the room in my flat
frida the cat would quite like it as well – I asked her to be my business partner but we disagreed in IAMS profit sharing…
.-= creativevoyage´s last post … newsletter offer – Creative Agony Aunt Wednesdays =-.
Dammit, now I have “Dammit, Janet” from The Rocky Horror Picture Show stuck in my head!
My List Of Statements I Stand Over, Dammit (a work in progress):
* I am entitled to arrange my life in a manner I find satisfactory – and I trust myself enough to know that this will necessarily involve looking after the people who depend on me.
* I do not need to “pay” for my happiness (with later misery, or any other currency).
* I am allowed to do frivolous stuff even when the grim, grown-up stuff hasn’t all been taken care of.
* Beauty is important.
* Being paid for my work is OK, even if I enjoyed doing it.
There’s more, I suspect, but this will do for now.
.-= Lean Ni Chuilleanain (@leannich)´s last post … Sunday Stash, no. 4 =-.
/. deer in headlights
I don’t have to sell anything? Ever?
Really?
must slink off to contemplate this … Ever???
p.s. Thanks for this life-changing thought. The rest will seep in, in its own time!
.-= Bullwinkle´s last post … Wildlife =-.
Actually, looking at my first thoughts…I’m starting to think maybe this current thing isn’t my thing. Because if I need to make guidelines for suits, heels and window-blind closers…if I have to defend my right to occasionally get up from my desk…even in my mind…maybe there’s…something else…something bigger.
Huh.
Dammit!
.-= Emily´s last post … A Quick Guide to the Quick-Clean =-.
Of course! What a good suggestion. In that case:
I am allowed to tweak and shift things whenever I damn well feel like it.
I don’t *have* to do anything, goddammit.
Ah, that feels good!
.-= Amna (@Germinational)´s last post … Germinational: Hey my tweeps – what’s the best, closest, chilled out beach near Coral Gables? =-.
Damnit:
* There are no “musts” or “shoulds” or “have tos” or unchosen obligations of any kind.
* If something feels skeevy or weird or wrong to me – even if other people have reported enormous success with it – I don’t do it.
* At least 4 1/2 hour walks a day are necessary. Preferably with accompanying golden retriever.
* Blue is the best color ever. Blue is my Official Color Mascot.
* Wherever I go, I’m me. No cramming myself into nice little box or doormat-shaped containers
* I will never do anything that requires a resume ever again.
* Dancing around my bedroom while wrapped in my Big Blue Blanket is not only allowed, but encouraged.
* I don’t need to work with anyone whose mission or purpose or actions don’t resonate with me.
* I iterate. Incremental change for the better over time. As much time as I need.
* I can complain as loudly and for as long as I want that my arms are on fire after doing Dance of Shiva. So there.
Great game, Havi! I want to think of some more. 🙂
.-= Charlotte´s last post … Entrepreneur Juice. (or: How Malcolm Gladwell Gave Me My Business Back) =-.
Oh, so much goodness. From everyone. And in particular, @leannich’s comment grabbed me by the throat and brought tears to my eyes.
Yes Dammit! to never having to pay for happiness.
Yes Dammit! to trusting myself and my values enough to know that my satisfaction includes caring for my family.
Yes Dammit! to being paid for my work, even (especially!!) if I enjoyed doing it.
Just so my comment isn’t entirely an echo, here are a few of my own:
I am not a character in your story, dammit!
I am the author of my own story, dammit!
I am good enough, smart enough, and goddammit, My Right People like me! (Thanks to Stuart Smalley — he’s not quite the inspiration Lloyd Dobler is, but he has his moments)
.-= Wendy Cholbi´s last post … WordPress plugin: All-in-One SEO Pack =-.
I’m on the rest-only routine right now which means re-watching all my favorite movies. Last night “Oh Brother Where Art Thou” narrowly edged out “Say Anything” (Which I am totally watching today!)
What a fabulous page of lists, dammit! I would like to use ALL of the above and add these:
• I will not do what is not fun. Neither in work nor in rest.
• I will listen to my body with patience and understanding – and then adjust my work schedule to make everyone happy.
• I will never work at a place with a dress code, no matter how closely it might happen to match my own.
• I will have silly hair.
• I will work on a Mac.
• I will be grateful for every day I have to enjoy with eyes and arms wide open.
• I will try to be the silence in the room sometimes.
• I will always grow and change.
• I will have many adventures with the hippie husband and we will grow and change together.
I’m bookmarking this page – the lists can only get better, right?
PS: And I will try to stop looking for the anvil in the sky when I say something sweepingly positive.
OK dammit- here is my list!
I will never write another resume in my life, dammit.
I will never bend over backwards to prove to anyone that I’m smart enough, experienced enough or qualified enough. Either you get it, (and me) or not. If not, clearly we were not meant to be.
I will neither dumb myself down nor smarten myself up for anyone, dammit.
I can quote Kant in one blog post and Homer Simpson in the next if I want to.
My posts will be as long as I want them to be, dammit.
I will give myself time to figure out all the things that need figuring, dammit.
I will allow myself to have help figuring things out, dammit.
I will not do things that I’m no good at and make me crazy, dammit. (Like bookkeeping for instance.)
I will fully acknowledge the incredible difference I make in people’s lives, dammit.
I will allow myself to be financially, emotionally and publicly rewarded and recognized for my contributions, dammit.
I will be as loud as I want, or as quiet as I want depending on my mood, dammit.
I will stick with one thing for as long as it is interesting, challenging, and/or fun- and not one minute longer, dammit!
I will add to this list as I see fit, dammit!
.-= Liz´s last post … Overcoming Overwhelm-Part 2 =-.
Meeting me where I am! Ahhhhhhh, fresh air.
This where-I-am-place, which is NOT the-where-I-wish-I-were-place … so, THAT”S where I’ve been hiding. All of this time!
Declarations rock, I love this post. My primary declaratory statement for my independence, dammit:
I get to be ME in every single thing I ever do and every single place I ever go until the end of time, dammit!
Thanks, Havi. Thanks all of the loads of awesome commenters above me. Dammit.
Laurie
.-= Laurie´s last post … Tuesday Styles #3: Time Travel Edition =-.
I’m not sure about what stand to take today. It’s one of those days where I’m just bouncing in and out of self understanding. I’m eerily happy to be a bit wander-y though.
@Lisa (and of course Havi) I’m baffled. How on earth do you work on a chaise lounge?! I find that I get the worst neck cramp and that having my computer on my lap causes it and me to over heat! Before I know it, I’m stripping layers off just to stay comfortable.
.-= Lydia, Clueless Crafter´s last post … HouseCraft: Illuminate Your World from the Inside Out =-.
i will write in lowercase letters if i want to and it doesn’t mean i am lazy or stupid. i’m efficient.
i will bring my god-damn baby with me……. dammit…. and my 3 year old!!!!! and my husband dammit! RAR!!! (that’s a roar)
i will have my own office dammit, with lots of light, where i can be ALONE…. completely alone…….
i will figure out how to work wordpress with iweb dammit, double dammit!
i will work with people who know that being born is important…… that childhood MATTERS dammit and that magic happens……. DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT (ahhh….. that feels good)
ok what else???
how about, i will eat ice cream for dinner without feeling guilty (made with raw cream and egg yolks and maple syrup)…….. wait, there’s more…… um……. i will feed my daughter said ice cream for dinner and sing and dance and celebrate the splendor of cows……
i will laugh out-load LOUDLY………
dammit
i will NOT be responsible, reasonable, or make apologies for 1) never having a “real” job 2) grieving 3) thinking too much 4) being intense 5)
i will NOT comidify
i will let my daughter roar……. RAR! witches say grrrr……… and i won’t make her SHARE – even with me…… daaaamit.
so much healing in the dammit part…. wow……. i can feel it working, dammit. its calming my whole nervous system…….. dammitdammitdammit…..
i will purge all this shit out of my life……. oh gawd i’m swimming in shit. who was it that said, “put it out on the sidewalk” circumnavigating the urge to “get something for it” or “give it to the right “person”
i will NOT say sorry anymore: in that nice i’m-canadian-and-feel-compelled-to-soften-it-so-you-won’t-be-able-to-get-mad way….. i will replace it with dammit!
there’s more but its time for “big meal”
krista
thanks havi
This post makes me happy for so many reasons, not the least of which is the Say Anything quote, one of my favorite career mantras. I have had these ideas for a while that I never want to write a resume or have a (traditional) job interview ever again, but I never said them much out loud because, gulp, could I really get away with that? I didn’t realize that I was part of an undiscovered crowd of anti-resume people or that I could take those ideas and make them part of a personal manifesto. Hooray for ditching resumes and declarations of independence.
From some stuff that happened last week, I’ve got two new ones that will go into mine:
– When I travel, I totally deserve to stay in a hotel so I can be in charge of my own space even when I’m not at home.
– I need *lots* of buffering protection against stress when I travel and that is perfectly okay.
And the best part? Now I get to be on the lookout for more things to add to the list. Thanks!
.-= Darcy´s last post … Book: Jacquard’s Web =-.
I love you too, Havi! And thank you for fixing my hyper hyperlink! (Or was that Marissa? Thanks, whoever it was.)
What amazing stuff everyone’s writing. So cool. Everybody rocks.
Havi, I love this. And I totally want a Dammit List of my very own.
Some seeds for this list would be:
– If you don’t get ninjas, you’re probably not one of my Right People.
– I am totally allowed to use the words awesome and totallyas many times as I want in blog posts, emails or tweets.
– If we hang out in person, I will probably be wearing a KISS t-shirt. And I won’t apologize for that.
– Red shoes are a must. For drumming. Or writing. Or napping. Or for pretty much anything.
– I will not stop believing in hope. Even if people think that makes me naïve.
– I will eat chocolate for breakfast if I want to.
– I will give myself whatever space I need to create the stuff I create. No shoulds around how long it takes me to make stuff.
– I do what I do to help people dammit. And I love that.
– I will not wear a tie again. Ever.
– It’s completely ok for me to buy myself expensive soaps and incense and tea. Because they smell good. And that makes me feel good.
– You can show up however you are. No judgments here. Just compassion. And understanding. And chocolate.
– It’s ok for me to get geeky excited about instruments. Not just because it’s part of my job. But because it’s a part of who I am.
– Above all, I’m going to be me. If you get that, rad. If not, rad.
Holy Selma, this feels gorgeous to write. I am so going to keep at this. Thanks Havi. You rock in a million different ways.
.-= Fabeku´s last post … Eff The Odds (aka Cat Nuggets) =-.
These are all so inspiring! Here are a few of my own Dammit Declarations:
-I am an artist. I get to call myself an artist, and I get to decide exactly what that means to me.
-I am self-employed. I am my own boss. If I ever decide to do some work for a corporation, I will still be a self-employed person having a corporate experience. I will still be my own boss.
-Morning pages and artist dates are an integral part of my working rhythm. I am allowed to write my daily morning pages and take my weekly artist dates during working hours.
-I get to make my own dress code. I get to wear comfortable clothes that make me happy. Any assignments that require uncomfortable clothes are probably not assignments I want to accept.
-That goes double for shoes. I get to wear comfortable shoes. If anyone wants me to wear uncomfortable shoes, they had better be some damned fine-looking shoes, and there had better be a sedan chair involved.
Wheee! Thank you, Havi!
.-= spiralsongkat´s last post … There’s a nap for that. =-.
These are so completely inspiring that I can’t stand it. I want all of yours too.
@spiralsongkat – Comfortable shoes! Artist dates! Getting to define artist for yourself! Yes yes yes yes yes!
@Fabeku – No ties! KISS t-shirt! No apologizing! Chocolate for breakfast! Yeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaah.
@Kate – it was me! I was actually online at the right place and time, for once. 🙂
@Darcy – yes! welcome to the “I will not be interviewed” club. It’s the place to be.
And yes to making provisions to feel safe and comfortable when you’re traveling.
@Krista – RAR!!! Indeed! And yes to being allowed to grieve and not having to apologize and to having space and to laughing out loud. Yes yes yes!
@Lydia – yes to being wander-ey and to not knowing!
@Laurie – yes to “getting to be ME in every single thing I ever do and every single place I ever go until the end of time, dammit!” Me too!
@Liz – yes to everything you said! Yes to Kant and yes to Homer Simpson! And to the combination! Yes!
@Casey – yes to silly hair! And working on a Mac! Me too! And to eyes and arms wide open. I love it. I LOVE it.
@Wendy – you said it!
You guys are the best. Seriously. How did this ever happen that such a smart bunch of goofy weirdos all found me so that I could hang out with them and have this wonderful online community of fun and growth and commitment to unapologetically living it up?
My Declaration of Interdependence:
* I am allowed to lean on anyone I want to, any time I need to without feeling weak or like I’m bothering them. Dammit.
* I am allowed to make mistakes and laugh at myself. Even if I’m not wearing Spandex. Farquad.
* I am allowed to be afraid, confused, or embarrassed and still ask for help. Crapola.
* I am allowed to fall to pieces. Even big, loud, nasty pieces. In public. Exclamation!
* I am allowed to not change the world as long as I remember to change my underwear occasionally. Or not wear any. Huzzah!
* I am allowed to laugh at your jokes, even when nobody else in the room gets them. Burp.
* I am allowed to modify this list at any time, with or without reason. Bastages.
Items in life may be closer than they appear. Always consult a Doctor before ignoring him. Your mileage and sanity may vary. Contents may have settled during transit.
Love and hugs… CYA L8R G8RS!
Initially I read this as: “If I want to wear a tiara while on the *plane*, no one can stop me.” So this is cracking me up.
Great lists!
Just one from me, for now:
*I am allowed not to take a full-time job, no matter what the economy is doing, dammit!
.-= Faith´s last post … Rollercoaster =-.
This is wonderful. And came in the email during the same online session during which I was searching online for tiaras – swear to the deity of your choice! (am taking the husband and 2 small daughters on a Disney cruise next month, thus the need for at least 3 tiaras (tiarae?), and am now thinking about why not tiaras when not in places where they are de rigueur? Hmmm.)
I don’t have the bandwidth to do the full-on declaration of dammits, but the one I absolutely know off the top of my head:
I will never again take a gig where I cannot use the word “bitchin'” to describe something awesome.
My current list of things, dammit!
I will not drive more than 20 minutes to work, ever again. Commutes suck the life force out of me!
I will have time during weekdays to hang out with my kids and buy cupcakes at the mall if that’s what we want to do.
I will not be afraid of stating my Truth and asking people to follow me.
I will finish sewing the baby blanket I cut out 4 weeks ago.
I will sing along to songs on the radio as loud as I want, and as key as I want.
.-= Amber´s last post … Overly Invested =-.
@Bonni – BONNI! Ohmygod. On the plane. On the plane! This is brilliant. I am so so so going to wear my tiara on the plane. Though not while going through security.
You are awesome.
@Gilbert – huzzah! Underwear! Huzzah!
the best tiaras I’ve ever seen are made by a woman named Ashley Carter (apparently Marisa Tomei is a fan). http://bit.ly/eiphC I plan on making one using her inspiration (just for me).
Just worked on this~fantastic! (too long to post here 😉 ) but I noticed that it felt better when I wrote ‘I am or I (verb)’ rather than ‘I will (verb)’
.-= Kate T.W.´s last post … lovedrunk freewrite in which I do something that scares me =-.
Oh my god oh my god oh my god.
I just read through all of the above. I’m overwhelmed with permission!
A couple of dammits that come to mind:
I’m allowed to nap, dammit, every day, dammit. Twice sometimes.
I’m allowed to have fun, dammit, like, even in the daytime.
I’m allowed to feel intimidated, and scared and stuck and inspired and scared and tired and on fire and whatever the hell else I want to. Dammit.
I’m allowed to do things that don’t have the highest integrity all the time. Dammit.
I’m allowed to stop blogging on one topic and start something new.
I’m allowed not to try to optimise my SEO. Dammit. Even if Naomi says I should.
**
And not selling. Really? REALLY? Not emailing a mailing list? REALLY?!
This is Permission Central.
Love it.
LOVE.
IT.
.-= Andrew Lightheart @alightheart´s last post … Never how you planned it =-.
Hey, this is a great game. I’m late to the party, but I still want to play:
List of things that might belong in a manifesto or statement of principles, dammit.
* I will deliver value in return for the money or attention paid to me. I will not be lame, dammit!
* What I do is less important than that I’m the one doing it. I have many talents, and that’s why I can try many different things.
* My time is worth something. I refuse to pour 20 hours a week into something that might pay off in three years or so. That’s not good enough, dammit!
* I can end projects as easily as I start new ones. I reserve the right to quit, dammit!
* Business activities can pay me in fun, or in money, or both. If they do neither, they’ve got to go.
*I can choose, at any time, to take care of myself rather than my business if there is any conflict.
* This is not a test, this is training, dammit! While I’m learning how to get it right, I can afford to get everything wrong.
* I’m about respect for people and different viewpoints and open and honest communication. I’m not about manipulation, hating on others or twisting the truth to save face, dammit! And I will not waste my time with people who do these things.
* Dammit!
.-= Willie Hewes´s last post … Sassy Friend =-.
These were all fantastic to read. I think I’ve been so busy trying to get everything “right”, I haven’t even thought about what I want in this way. So I’m going to have to think about this–
So far, I only have one and it’s:
I will only design projects for “holidays” or “seasons” I like. I don’t like Halloween and I’m not designing anything for it. Ditto Easter. Actually, I just don’t care about Halloween and Easter, the holiday I don’t like is Thanksgiving.
I also will no longer design for goofy-ass retail themes like “Back to School”. I’m not in school anymore, dammit, and I’m probably not going back.
And while I’m strangely neutral about Christmas (most people brought up christian either love it or hate it) I do love Christmas trees, christmas ornaments, and giving presents that I made. I just like doing it some years and not doing it other years.(Historically, this has been very confusing to people…) So I will happily design ornaments and gift kits and projects for other people who also like those things.
And I love pink and I do like hearts. So I’ll design a valentines-y thing ONLYwhen I feel like it, when I think it really works, or think it’s really really pretty.
That’s all for now.
Thanks for this!
P.S. A million years ago when I was in art school, I kept trying to design a music box shaped like a whopper box that would play that Lloyd Dobler quote when you opened it. Love that quote. Maybe I have to resurrect that idea.
.-= Sarah´s last post … In the Studio #3 =-.
AG! I love this!
who cares if i’m late saying it, dammit! this was just what i needed to read right now. thanks so so much Havi!
.-= Laura´s last post … Reflections on Risk (and Rewards) =-.
aw man! I am also late to this, but wow what a good one! I am thinking about my list. I have a feeling it might be long. A few items hitting me right now are:
*my past and where I came from are hugely important to who I am now and nothing to be ashamed of.
*I have a pretty goddamn unique view of the world and it deserves to be expressed in my artwork.
*sorry mom, but I am still a lady even though I say things like goddamn and dammit and shit and fuck.
*My life will NOT follow the ‘expected’ path. I may or may not get married, birth a child, own a house.
*I am allowed to have adventures of all sorts, whenever, wherever and with whomever I want.
*I have the right to get out into the wilderness as often as I need or want to.
*I will travel the world. someday. on the cheap.
*living each day to the fullest can mean whatever I need it to mean on that particular day.
It is hard to avoid the shoulds, wants, maybes, what ifs, and other icky things when mulling over list items. I wish I was sitting somewhere other than a reception desk so I could go think some more about all of this. grrrrr.
Thank you for all the inspiration! You all rock.
Here are my ideas:
My business is an extension of me and thus will be fun and inspiring. It will NEVER feel like or look like “work.”
I embrace my inner quirkiness and allow others to see it!!
I will develop the quirky in me and name her and call on her daily for whatever I may need.
I will dedicate time to children. They need someone to listen and not enough adults do!
Thank you everyone.