I was setting up the HAT (acronym for the page in which Havi Announces a Thing)* for the Great Ducking Out.

And it occurred to me that there’s kind of no point in giving people an option for sneaking out of something if you don’t help them with how to do it.

So I looked up my alignment exercise, thinking someone would probably find that useful.

It turns out I’ve written about this exercise on all sorts of different occasions on the blog. And it also turns out that I am hilarious. Though mostly unintentionally.

* Five years running an online business and I still can’t say “sales page”. It creeps me out. Haberdashery is my workaround!

The alignment exercise.

Posts in which I’ve described the alignment exercise (which, by the way, totally needs another name — metaphor mouse will have to come and save the day):

• On PTSD
• The Encroachers
• 8 ways to have a seriously unpleasant conversation
• Awkward conversations and a wacky exercise
• and all the way back to June 2008… curing phone call dread

And then I felt like an idiot. Because I am smack in the midst of this frustrating situation of conflict, and I have been avoiding my favorite exercise for deconflictizing conflict— the one that always, always, always works.

So, as we know, there is always a good reason for avoidance.

Yes, we do know that.

So what was my good reason?

I have been passively and actively Not Thinking about using the alignment exercise because I’m in resistance.

And I’m resisting alignment because I don’t want to see the negative things I have in common with this guy. The shadow.

I don’t want to say, “Wow, he’s territorial, condescending and manipulative, and HEY SO AM I.”

But of course that fear is a monster-fear. Not real.

Anyway the shadow is where the useful stuff lives. And we don’t have to encounter it directly — there are safe ways to interact with pain.

Alignment is really about finding the good.

It’s about finding the points of human and real and vulnerable.

And making room for people to have made mistakes for a completely legitimate reason. It’s assuming misunderstanding rather than nefariousness.

So instead of letting my well-meaning fuzzball monsters run the alignment (“What if you find out that his dorsal fin is just a reflection of your dorsal fin, you awful awful person?!”) …

I’m going to need to translate. Into the good. And use some “even though”-ing.

Like this.

Even though I feel anxious about his motivations … I know he really cares about his business. And I also really care about mine. Alignment.

And even though I have a lot of fear of losing out, based on past experience, I bet he does too. Alignment.

Even though I get really worked up when I think that someone is trying to push me, it looks like he does too. Something else we have in common.

I want acknowledgment and so does he. I want people to be considerate of my space and so does he. I want peace of mind and so does he.

There. That wasn’t so bad. Not a fin in sight.

Right. Of course. There are gaps and openings. There are fox passages.

So where else am I teaching this but not using it?

Everywhere.

I could be doing this with the HAT itself. With suppliers. While scheduling the year.

With past me and with future me. I could be teaching my staff pirate crew to do this too.

And I can remember to keep modeling it and practicing it here and at the Kitchen Table, so it becomes a basic part of the crazy thing that is culture. Because culture always wins. But that’s another post.

Okay, the part about all the announcements.

Because there is much craziness going on here on the pirate ship where we are having one Drunk Pirate Council after the next.

Mostly the good kind of craziness. I think. Long live Drunk Pirate Council! Or something. Anyway.

1. The Great Ducking Out.

Remember when I said I’d do a special ahahahahahaha run awayyyyyy thing for American Thanksgiving?

It is the Great Ducking Out. And it will be at the Playground. And it is fabulous.

If you can make it, we would love to avoid things with you too!

2. Sacramento in December!

Selma and I will be in Sacramento, California on Friday, December 3rd.

There will be an afternoon class of Shiva Nata, kooky exercises, writing and hot buttered epiphanies.

And there will be a very small gathering in the morning where I will teach.

Details to come soon, but save the date if you’re anywhere near the Bay Area.

(Though really? Last year people came from New York and London for this one. So maybe just save it anyway.)

3. Shiva Nata teacher training weekend (Feb 18-20) is almost full.

You do not have to be any good at Shiva Nata or even like it. You just have to be up for gigantic bursts of insights. And want to become a really good (or even better) teacher and facilitator — of anything.

People are coming from the UK, France, Australia and all across North America.

Some have done Shiva Nata maybe a couple times and some were at the last teacher training. Both of those are fine.

It will be fantastic. And you are invited. And yes, read about it. Because otherwise I will have to make sad faces when I announce that it is not available anymore.

4. Dates for the next Rally. Rally!

I know I said the next real Rally (Rally!) would be in January, but I’m actually doing a private program then. The next available-to-the-public Rally: FEBRUARY 22-25.

Also I rewrote the Rally FAQ.

With way more questions and answers than before, thanks to the Rallygators and some of the lovely people at the Frolicsome Bar (aka facebook).

So please peek over there and tell me if there is anything that I still need to answer.

Rally ho!

Play! And comment zen for today…

Let’s see. We could brainstorm.

Ways you could use the alignment thing.

Or ways you have been avoiding it.

Or maybe you have questions about any of the events so that I can write a new FAQ. Or good wishes. Those are welcome.

And speaking of wishes, I am wishing myself a speedy, harmonious and ease-filled resolution of everything that needs resolving.

And I will wish you the same, in case you need it.

As always, we all have our stuff. We’re all working on our stuff. It’s a process. We get to play.