A few years ago, one of my mentors got a bee in his bonnet about how Selma and I needed a day off.
And not once in a while. Not right before I was about to fall apart.
A regular thing. A weekly thing.
I knew he was right. And everything in me said this was a Wise and Sensible Plan. But it wasn’t happening.
Since I often say that there’s time and that good things often do take time, I thought I’d map out for you the super long process involved in getting to the point where this is mostly a thing.
Phase 1. The seed is planted.
Over and over again.
My business mentor levels the arguments:
- I already work weekends because that’s when I teach.
- That we all have to live by what we teach, and a radical subversive practice of being mindful and curious about taking care of ourselves is part of what I teach.
- Further, we have a responsibility to model this way of living: basic self-care is part of that. Hell, extreme self-care is part of that.
- And without taking time for shavasana, a practice isn’t really a practice.
I know he’s right. And I’m not there yet.
I work on what I can do — meeting myself where I am. Being in the hard.
Phase 2. Parameters are defined, readjusted.
My mentor makes me choose a day.
I say Wednesday.
I have no intention whatsoever of taking Wednesday off. There’s too much work to be done.
So I keep waiting. Until there is no avoiding the fact that I’m about to fall apart. Then on the verge of a massive breakdown, a state of Emergency Vacation is declared. Awesome.
Phase 3. Naming is important, of course.
The Day Off is officially entered into iCal as The Day Off.
It mocks me each Wednesday, as I am obviously not taking a day off. Seeing the reminder is just too depressing.
So the name gets changed to Workless Wednesday.
This makes me laugh, even when I am working. I like the sound of it. It is a silly day.
I wake up Wednesday morning and think workless workless workless. My day begins a little later. It’s good.
Phase 4. Experimentation begins.
We mess around with Doing Slightly Less.
The official There will be no clients and no meetings and no teaching teleclassses on Workless Wednesdays ruling went into effect a little over a year ago.
This quickly became the No really, you may not schedule ANYTHING for Havi on a Wednesday ordinance.
Then Wednesday became take more time in the morning day. And then let’s go for a long walk before we start day. And then mmm spend the afternoon doing things around the house day.
Guilt-less napping and permission slips! I was starting to look forward to Wednesdays.
Phase 5. A spark of something.
About six months ago I decided that Wednesday needed a spark. An adventure!
Not just not-working or less-working, but something different. Something that would take completely me out of the usual routines.
I talked my gentleman friend into a weekly afternoon outing.
It could be anything or anywhere, as long as in some part of it we got to a) go somewhere we hadn’t been before and b) sit in a cafe and do some writing.
And now we have regular Wednesday outings. Every week.
We still put in a solid three hours of work in the morning. But in the afternoon we go off adventuring.
Phase 6. Learning through experience.
And taking notes about how the physical, emotional and mental experience changes things.
After the first few outings, I noticed that I was much less irritable during Drunk Pirate Council, the weekly meeting for the company that happens every Thursday.
And less wiped out on Fridays. More patient in general.
Also, that I get more done in those intense Wednesday morning hours than I do the rest of the week. It’s like a taste of what happens at the Rally (Rally!).
On the outings, I invariably end up talking and writing about stuff going on in the business, and ideas get born.
The outings aren’t just good for me. They’re good for everyone and everything I encounter. That was obvious before I started doing them, of course, but now this knowing is something I can feel.
Phase 7. Yesterday.
Yesterday I was feeling really, really anxious. Argh. Worst timing ever for Workless Wednesday.
A certain problem/challenge/difficulty that has been brewing over the past few months had come to a head. A solution was needed and I needed it now.
This was not the right time for an outing.
But it was already a ritual. Tradition. That’s what you do on Wednesdays.
We ended up at the Rocking Frog cafe, escaping the pouring rain. We drank warm things and ate hot pepper and gouda sandwiches.
I started taking some notes on the challenge-that-has-been-driving-me-crazy-for-three-months. And then it totally resolved itself.
And then I bought myself an orange hat. A very orange hat. An orange hat so orange that it’s practically obscene. It was a very good Workless Wednesday.
Phase 8. Now.
There are three things I know now.
- Invoking Workless Wednesday and using its powers on things that aren’t working is the most brilliant problem-solving tool ever, outside of Dance of Shiva. Worklessness activate!
- I cannot wait until every day is like Workless Wednesday. Two or three hours of focused, concentrated getting-stuff-done, followed by a delightful adventure. And some writing. And a nap.
- I can take my time with that too. We’ll get there. And when we do, it will be beautiful.
Fourth thing: the more time I spend working on the Book of Me, the easier it is to remember this stuff and the faster it is to implement it.
And comment zen for today.
We all have our stuff. We’re all working on our stuff. We let other people have their stuff. It’s a process.
We can talk about what’s true for us. We don’t give unsolicited advice. We help other people feel welcome and supported.
And! If you’re going to be in or near Portland the Younger* next weekend and you don’t have plans for Zombie Yule**, let me know in the comments.
I’m thinking of throwing together a tiny, cozy, Rally-like-thing where we can make big progress on the Book of You.
* As opposed to Portland the Elder, the original one, on the east coast. Thanks @annabarnett.
** Yes, Zombie Yule.
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Hurrah for worklessness activation!
And for a shiny orange hat.
And for first comment 😛
I got the image of a fluorescent builders hard hat when you said that. And it make me smile.
I have a wednesday workparty ritual too 🙂
Hurrah for ritual. And for cafes to write in :).
As it happens, Wednesday is also the day when I take my weekly Artist Date, a
three hour tourroughly two hour long mindful, festive, solitary adventure.And I’ve been having a lot of trouble lately allowing them to happen. So this is an excellent, timely reminder.
Workless Wednesday: I love it.
Also: I cannot wait until every day is like Workless Wednesday. Two or three hours of focused, concentrated getting-stuff-done, followed by a delightful adventure. And some writing. And a nap.
*sharp intake of breath*
Gwish. Gwish. Gwisssshhhhhh…
*exhaling*
Thank you, Havi.
This is so lovely. And a great reminder. Thanks, Havi.
Hoo boy. I keep telling myself I should take a day off once in a while, but I haven’t done it yet. I have gotten to the point where most evenings I stop working around 6, eat dinner, and then knit for a while instead of working more. Progress!
i’m very happily reading this message on my work-from-home Thursday. am working(ha!) towards worklessness – this message reminds me to be proud of where i’m at right now – instituting this thursday ritual which includes lots o’ work in the morning (b/c i’m not on the subway commuting), movement class in the middle of the day and meeting up in person with some friend in the afternoon at cafe
going to add in a nap! hurrah!
I was just thinking about the fact that when I actually make time for fun or rest during the day – something that (gasp) takes time away from when I should be working – and do it deliberately (instead of half-heartedly where I’m neither working well or playing/resting well), I get much more work done (in less time, come to think of it) that day. It’s good to know.
Every day like Workless Wednesday! *happy happy sigh* That’s what I dream of. Someday.
I implemented a few hours of conscious rest last weekend (as opposed to kind-of-attempted rest), and it was so rejuvenating that the next week was transformed. Also, I felt ready and awake for Monday, which was a new and wonderful sensation.
I won’t be in Portland the Younger for Zombie Yule (sniffle), but I will be there from Monday to Wednesday. So if anybody knows of fun things happening during that time frame, I’d love to hear about them.
Long live Workless Wednesday!
This. This.
Due to pain and icky and a bunch of stuff I’m not altogether proud of, my days end up looking a lot like this. And I forgot, in that mindless way that happens when a great many shoulds are jumping on your head, that thin in what the whole aim is. I don’t have to kill myself to get something working. I don’t have to do more than I can do. I don’t have to find the energy to do 8-hour days/ 40-hour weeks. I can so do it how I want to do.
And without even intending to, I ended up near perfection. And in my quest to The Real Thing, I would have gone about trying to destroy it.
Thank you for this, so very much. God knows what would have happened if I hadn’t run across it now.
Many, many hugs to you, Havi. Thank you so much.
Oh my gosh, I LOVE this ritual idea!
I already do pretty good at taking the weekends off, but I need some fun rituals in the middle of the week to help me add more adventure and productivity into my work. 😉 This has sparked an idea for me that I am going to schedule in for next week to experiment with! 😛
Oh goodness how much am I wishing I was in town so I could participate in a tiny cozy Rally thing! Instead I am going to consider my entire vacation-full-of-potential-pitfalls as a Research Expedition in which I will take notes on Book of Me items that are relevant to know when traveling, traveling with a wee llama, and being in someone else’s house during the holidays during an unfortunate shoe-related family issue.
Wish me luck! I will send the coziest, wishiest wishes (and gwishes!) towards the Playground for extra tasty Book of Me mini-rallying times.
When I was in engineering school, I discovered the power of taking time off. Your mind is free to solve problems, and you’re much more productive when you get back to it.
I’m working on instituting workless time now, but it’s slow. I suppose I can embrace the slowness, and be gentle with myself in the slow. It will come, in its time.
Ah yes. I remember when I used to totally skip the shavasana and seated meditation of my yoga workout, so I could, y’know, skip to the yoga. hahaha.
Love the idea of concentrated work followed by adventuring. I could use more adventuring.
And an actual Book of Me. I keep letting myself mentally file stuff, but I see the value in an actual physical record. Wish I were closer. Have fun at Zombie Yule!
Oh, I would love to learn how to give myself time off more caringly. Right now, when I feel overscheduled and squeezed by my schedule, I drop activities I like doing. If the time away doesn’t make me feel better, I feel silly for not doing the thing; if it *does* make me feel better, I have to angst about whether that means that I’m better off without doing the thing ever at all. Needs more “and also”, less “should” and “all or nothing”.
And really, the “OMG too much stuff going on, let me hide out and play video games and never do anything ever again” impulse is really not connected to how busy I am. I wonder how I can find out what it really means, and what it really wants, rather than just feeding it time to quiet it down.
I will be in the Portland area from the 20th to the 28th! With my family most of the time, but if you do something awesome, I’d love to stop by 🙂
How wonderful. This somehow blends in with me with a beautiful sentence from Hiro’s christmas gift newsletter: “You can’t give what you don’t have”. And there would be no better way to recharge the “have-batteries” than by a workless Wednesday – or by other smaller or bigger routines of individual variations of (non-)doing things that each of us here have found or are discovering and exploring.
this is s drive by comment
AN INCREDIBLY ORANGE HAT !!! can we get a picture?
I’m beginning to get more fond of orange…
I should add that as I don’t drive its public transport drive by comment (someone else is driving the bus) – bet you never knew you were on a Lothain Region Transport route!
>And really, the “OMG too much stuff going on, let me hide out and play video games and never do anything ever again” impulse is really not connected to how busy I am. I wonder how I can find out what it really means, and what it really wants, rather than just feeding it time to quiet it down.<
@Riv, this is incredibly insightful. Not really connected to how busy I am. I will be pondering/observing this.
Thanks, Havi, this is SO inspirational!
Well, for me at least, there have been times when I cheerfully rode out the busy without the specific response I’m thinking of, and other times (like earlier this week) where having just a few things on my schedule and to-do list has triggered it. My hypothesis is that it’s not about time so much as constraint and choice. I’ll try to inspect it more carefully the next time it happens 🙂
Hi Havi,
I was at the Sacramento workshop and I really loved it! Got some great epiphanies. 🙂
Anyway, I love the Saturday mornings where I do a reading and then spend the rest of the day playing with friends totally guilt-free, because I was already productive and got stuff done. Definitely want to incorporate this into other days as well.
[tiptoes in]
…I will be in Portland, with no plans for Zombie Yule. Grilled Cheeze bus and pie?
😀
Yes, I think that overwhelmed response for me is often about feeling constrained. When I feel expansive, I can whiz through all kinds of piled-up things without a problem.
In fact, I think that a lot of my stuck places are about constraint vs. expansiveness. Thinking about this a lot lately. Thanks!
Thank you so much for this beautiful picture of embracing the slow. Whatever “it” is, it … can … take … as … long … as … it … needs. Yessssss. This has been a theme for me all year, and I’m finally starting to sink into the learning. Good thing, since I suck at going fast!
And an orange hat to top it off. Big smile!
Well, now, if we’re going to get into that, it has to be ‘Portland the Even Younger’, as there’s an even older Portland where my gran lives.
And that reminds me of Pitt the Even Younger from Blackadder III, and now I must go and download things.
Also, hello! *waves*
Well, now, if we’re going to get into that, it has to be ‘Portland the Even Younger’, as there’s an even older Portland where my gran lives. And that reminds me of Pitt the Even Younger from Blackadder III, and now I must go and download things. Also, hello! *waves*
[tiptoes in] …I will be in Portland, with no plans for Zombie Yule. Grilled Cheeze bus and pie? 😀