Just one thing.
That’s been my theme lately. Theme, mantra, guiding principle. I don’t know. Whatever you want to call it.
“Just one thing” is different from “one thing at a time” or from “don’t take on too many projects”. It’s more … finding the one thought or the one action that will pull me back into … into wherever I need to be.
Into the zone. Into my body. Into a more mindful “hey, this is where I am right now” sort of place (what I’d call “present moment awareness” if this were a meditation class which — hooray — it’s not).
If I were going to just do one thing, and that thing were ridiculously easy to do, what would that thing be?
I like it.
It takes me out of that panicky trying to see the whole picture *and* all the details at once mode.
It takes me from oh god this kitchen is a disaster to “my one thing for now is just going to be putting the mixing bowl away.”
It pulls me out of crap crap crap I really need a three-month sabbatical to work on my book and deposits me back into “what if I just spent a few minutes with my gentleman friend after dinner talking about where I am with this?”
What’s my one thing?
I got the concept from Julie Morgenstern’s book “Organizing from the Inside Out“. She talks about making a habit of always taking one thing with you when you leave the room.
So, leaving the bathroom, maybe your one thing is taking the towels to the laundry basket. And when you leave the office, your one thing could be bringing the empty water glasses back into the kitchen. It doesn’t matter. One thing.
It’s the same principle that Jen Hofmann talks about sometimes in her amazing “spending two hours on your office and astonishing yourself with how much you get done” Office Spa days.
Every time I study with Jen, I realize that almost everyone has the same tendency I do. We just want to wait until there’s time.
And we keep waiting for time even when we’re cognizant of the fact that there won’t be time — that we won’t make time for it.
We want to have a big, huge weekend with nothing planned so we can tackle the garage or finally clear out all those shelves. But when you donate twenty minutes now to working on one shelf… you realize that a lot can happen in twenty minutes.
You can do twenty minutes once a week, and pretty soon you don’t even have that big, huge project that needs a big, huge weekend that it’s never going to get anyway.
The fact that I keep relearning this concept over and over again reminds me that I still don’t really trust the process. Which is okay, I guess.
When it doesn’t work …
The best way to screw up “just one thing” is to choose way too big a thing.
Like “write copy for that webpage”, when it should really be more like “I’m just going to delete those two unnecessary files from my desktop”.
But you can’t really screw it up.
My experience has been that if I’m being even kind of mindful about the whole process, and noticing how I’m reacting to my one thing, it gets really clear which one things need to be scrapped so that I can have a more doable one thing.
You’ll find the one thing.
Symbolic “just one things”.
Several years ago my cousin Michal had some kind of surgery and had to spend a couple months recovering.
I popped over to visit her one day and she had some friend there who was a wacky energy healer and also a feng shui consultant. Keep in mind that this was at a period in my life when either one of those things would have been enough to send me running.
So it was all I could do to be polite and not roll my eyes or anything.
Anyway, this woman told Michal that the first thing she should do was to put all of her many, many bottles of pills and painkillers into a pretty, covered box on her bedside table.
We helped her do it. And it was like magic. Her mood improved dramatically. The room felt brighter. Less like a sick room. More like three women hanging out than the two of us visiting her and trying to cheer her up.
For the two of them, it was all about “the energy” and how it had changed. For me — this was way before “energy” was a word I was comfortable using — it was all about common sense.
But it didn’t matter. The change had already happened. The “one thing” had already done its work.
Some one things work faster than other one things. But it’s not about trying to find the right one thing, because all the little one things add up anyway.
My “one thing” day.
A few weeks ago I woke up in the crappiest, most stuckified mood imaginable. Maybe I hadn’t slept well. Maybe my arms were hurting again. Who knows.
But my head was pounding and my mind was buzzing and I couldn’t focus on anything.
Usually I get up and head straight to meditation. But I didn’t even want to brush my teeth, never mind even consider any other part of my daily routine.
I felt helpless. Panicked. Scared. Bewildered. Completely and utterly overwhelmed.
My thoughts were filled with ten thousand things that desperately needed to be done that I absolutely didn’t want to do. I wanted to stay in bed for a month. But that thought filled me with panic too.
It had been years and years since I’d felt anything like this, and I’d kind of thought that it was never going to happen again at this point.
And then, out of the depths of the nothing, out of years of conscious, intentional working on my stuff and teaching about the art of working on stuff, I heard the words “just one thing”.
Except that I knew that I wasn’t capable of doing “just one thing”.
So I asked myself:
“Okay, if there were — and maybe there isn’t, but just pretending — if there were just one thing that you could do, what would it be?”
And I remembered the weird and creepy power of “Even Though” sentences.
So I did a few.
Even though I don’t feel like getting out of bed, this is where I am right now. This is what’s going on for me right now.
Even though I may never find my “just one thing” because I can’t stop thinking about all the things, I’m just going to stay here and breathe and keep on even-though-ing.
Even though I am so scared that I won’t find my way out of this, I’m just going to remind myself that I am allowed to have a crappy day of being depressed and overwhelmed once in a while, just like everyone else.
And then it came to me. My one thing.
Just one thing. And then another just one thing. And then enough just one things.
I realized, suddenly, in a moment of complete clarity that I really, truly wanted to take the collection of juice glasses off of the bedside table and into the kitchen.
So I did it.
And then I really, truly wanted to take the basket of laundry downstairs. So I did it.
And then I really, truly wanted to put all the books next to the bed into one neat pile. So I did it.
And then I really, truly wanted to go back to bed.
I woke up two hours later and the first thing I saw was the significantly-less-cluttered bedside table. And the first thing I noticed was that I felt fine.
There were choices. I could meditate or not meditate. Eat a late breakfast or not. Decide what needed my attention most at work and then choose one thing from that. But they were just choices. It was going to be okay.
“Just one thing” isn’t always going to solve everything.
But sometimes it makes things the tiniest more bearable.
And it knocks me out how often just that can turn out to be enough.
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That “just one thing” tends to be movement – which of course is the opposite of being stuck. I think most of our problems tend to be when we don’t see any choices or options that differ from what we know. There are of course a HUGE amount of different choices available. When there’s movement – even just a little – then it’s just that little easier to get a different perspective of other choices available.
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This is a lovely idea, wonderful advice. I remember being crippled with depression led me to invent the five minute rule, which was what got me through my exams and revision and my dissertation. It’s going down to the smallest thing, and in doing the smallest thing, you shift the mental feeling from “I can’t do anything” to “Wow, I just did that.” It makes such a difference.
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I love this post. I sometimes forget to break big tasks into manageable chunks. I’m always amazed at how much easier it is to get things done when I break things into tiny steps. I try to make the steps so tiny, that they are nearly microscopic.
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Thank you for the great post. Your comment about ‘relearning’ the idea over and over rang a bell with me… I *know* how to do this, but keep forgetting. As I look around my cluttered office that’s been overwhelming me, you helped me relearn it, again. 🙂
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“Do one thing” is part of how I deal with depression. When nothing matters, and I feel and ocean of oppression above me, I focus on completing one task. Then another. It never feels like I’m making progress, but I look back and realize that somehow things got done. The deeper the depression the more mindless the original tasks need to be for me. (Walking and running seem to be particularly helpful as I can focus on taking just one more step and the process of taking that step becomes a mini-meditation.)
As always, thanks for your insights and perspectives. Even when you don’t realize it and don’t feel like it, you’re a ray of sunshine (important, coming from Portland!) in a lot of lives. Thank you. Keep being you…
Hugs, @CrazyOnYou
Okay, so now you’ve moved the spy camera to my office at the much-hated-day-job? Puh-lease! Aren’t there other stuckified people out there from whom you can get your material?! ;P
We’re 90% done with a total re-make of my home office (it’s all the amazing Jen Hoffman’s fault too!). It’s an absolutely amazing space. I can’t remember the last time I had such a welcoming space that was mine. Mine!
And now all I want to do is to be able to work from there full time. I think about it constantly. So the massive stuck here. At the sucky place that diminishes my sense of Self on a daily basis because of the people I work with. (yes, yes, I know I’m the one allowing them to do it … I’m working on it!)
Just one thing.
Gonna try it.
Thanks.
Oh BTW, I’ll be sending you back your spy camera COD.
christys last blog post..The Fallacy of Time
I just need to figure out a way to get this into my brain. Sometimes I have bad days and then even though I might know of some strategies to get myself out of it – it is hard to find sufficient motivation to actually ACT.
Maybe if I print-out this post and re-read it about a hundred times…. 🙂
There has been a very similar theme in my life for the past two weeks. I, the woman who used to delight in mile-long to-do lists, crossing off items with glee and pride, decided that every day, I would focus on exactly three priorities. Not necessarily complete three tasks – just focus on three priorities.
It has been pretty great so far. For one thing, my concentration has returned. Without the constant background noise of my brain trying to order the remaining 17 tasks on my list, I work better and am able to think more clearly.
As a result, I am more productive – and the other, more minor things are being dealt with too, but only once the main priorities are taken care of.
Last but not least, my new system lead to a pretty major reality check: I had to finally admit that most of what I had been doing, all that busy-ness? It was mostly make-work projects… not completely useless, but definitely unnecessary. Ouch.
Although I am still processing all of this, I can see that I have been equating my value as a business owner with how much I got done and crossed off my list. Hence the need to stay busy, even at the expense of efficiency.
“Often just that can turn out to be enough” – exactly.
I’ve told myself “one thing at a time” and it sort of kind of worked sometimes. I really like the idea of shifting to “just one thing.” It sounds less daunting somehow. I’m going to give it a try. Thank you!
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I am often overwhelmed with all of the “things” I have to do. So much so, that the majority of the time, all of those “things” are left undone. Why it never occurred to me before, that “just one things” is perfectly acceptable, is beyond me. Thanks for a lovely post!
Vanessa Sanchezs last blog post..Where the Heart is
How very timely, as I’ve been feeling stuck in this area for the last week or so. This is made all the more frustrating because I’d been -doing so well- on it lately. I suppose I need to learn to be more patient with myself, but given that I’m not really patient with anything it isn’t a surprise that this is difficult for me. 🙂
Thank you!
LOVE IT! LOVE IT!
It’s the weirdest thing how this “just one thing” thing works.
I love how well you explained it–how we think we need a huge chunk of time in order to really dig in & get things done–but when I actually have a huge chunk of time–there’s NO WAY I WANT TO USE IT ON THE STUFF I’VE ALREADY BEEN PUTTING OFF.
I started my “this one thing” by regularly making my bed (it takes 20 seconds) and that got me hooked–in a good way.
It all started out last Spring when I woke up in the middle-of-the-night, freaking out about how much I needed to do.
Hope you don’t mind if I share my story of: “Fighting Entropy With New Habits-Why I Vow To Make My Bed Every Morning”
http://www.happyhealthylonglife.com/happy_healthy_long_life/2008/05/fighting-entrop.html
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Havi,
Dear Havi,
Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!
This post could not have come at a better time in my life. I may be wrong, but this, for me, is your best post so far (and I have read your whole archive).
My one thing, right now, is to tell you: “Thank you, you just unstuck so much in my life…”
This is so very true and an incredibly useful tool for dealing with overwhelm.
One of the things I do when I’m wearing my project manager hat is break big projects down into small, easily managed bits. It’s a lot easier to find time to “typemark chapter 8” than “edit Smith book” and all that entails.
I really like Emmanuelle’s approach of focusing on three priorities each day rather than trying to tackle a neverending to-do list. I’m a huge fan of lists, even the big ones, but it’s always helpful to prioritize.
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I’ve been doing exactly this same thing today, just asking myself, “What is the simplest thing…?” And it has taken so much weight off of me, and I feel like I can breathe again.
And magically, the kitchen is now clean-pretty cool bonus 🙂
Jenny Ryans last blog post..Why I Don’t Think I’ll Ever Be A Real Gamer
Isn’t it just great; evolving, getting older, more aware and most importantly; more loving and compassionate towards ourselves and others…
These subtle shifts we can make happen: ‘just one thing’. I love it ;o)
Thanks for sharing another little gem of perspective and insight!
Maarten Elouts last blog post..The Cookie Dough Theory of Happy Living
That’s a great idea. Just doing one thing can make a HUGE difference, especially if that one thing is a big thing, like changing your attitude!
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“Thank you” is a lame attempt to describe my feelings now.
In the middle of my busiest two-week period this year (with all the “oh, I promised to do that too?” -duties dominoing in consequent deadlines), this is exactly what I needed to read first thing when I got home – five minutes ago (it’s 10pm here). Reading this, the overwhelm gave way to a promise of focus. Just one thing. Like beads on a string. (Accidental poetry :P) Waaay more manageable. Waaay less overwhelming.
Thank you.
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I can see where this “one thing” could change everything. Thank you for sharing it; I’m glad the one thing I decided to do a few minutes ago was check up on your blog.
One really odd thing as a side note. This is related to a blog post I had scheduled to go on Bloggity yesterday. It was about deciding one thing when you go to bed that you could do tomorrow and would make a difference.
But the approach you describe breaks the same thing down into a more manageable, less the-universe-is-too-huge, one thing.
Terry Heaths last blog post..On Being Remarkable
That “just one thing” is a very useful tool in so many situations… I really like that you covered how we can screw it up by choosing too big a thing, and how sometimes we feel like we can’t do even just one thing. Since I’m no stranger to these two scenarios, I particularly appreciate that you offered solutions: bringing mindfulness to the process of identifying the one thing that will be just right, and remembering that the always powerful “even though” sentences can be of use there too – these two things will certainly help me.
This is similar to my own thing about “doing whatever is right in front of me” … but your version is even more doable. Thanks!
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Personally, I love this approach, Havi. And, it seems to be largely a personality thing. Meaning some personality types really dig it, and for some it’s antithetical.
My wife, for instance, likes to dig into projects for hours at a time. My collaboratrix, Kate, is similar- I believe her post on Taking Advantage of Different Work Styles is, strangely enough, the one that CommentLuv picked up on for this post.
So, for me, do one thing is really important. For others, it can be crazy-making.
And whose to say that we don’t need more crazy in the world? 🙂
Mark Silvers last blog post..Taking Advantage of Different Work Styles
I just discovered you yesterday and wow! You’re already helping me to alter the landscape of my mind. And then today you manage to post something that speaks directly to me. Thank you.
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Way cool Havi. I’m at Kripalu and we have been having all these stunning breakthroughs on my retreat using the idea of “the simplest thing” especially as it relates to comfort. And we are talking about this at the Comfort Cafe next month. Thanks for the great post!
And of course, love those questions you are asking.
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This article reminded me of the book “The Present.” I love that book. If you focus all of your attention and energy on the present, you always do a better job.
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I’ve just had a baby, and that “just one thing” mantra is exactly what’s letting me feel like I’m still in some kind of control of my life. Clearly I don’t have time for big clean-ups, so I’m constantly trying to ensure that things don’t get too messy to start with, and the only way to do that is with Just One Thing. It’s a lifesaver. (Everyone says new moms should relax about the housework because it’s not as important as getting enough rest etc, which is of course true, but it’s also true as you know that being surrounded by mess and chaos is the most demoralising experience. So keeping some order in the house really is essential.)
Also, I am greatly relieved to hear that you too have a collection of glasses. I’ve always thought that was just my own (and now, my husband’s) slovenly habit.
Dear Havi,
“Just one thing,” lately, for me, often involves taking myself out of my four walls.
“Let’s just get you out into the fresh air, sweetheart,” something says. And when I follow that wise voice I invariably can breathe a bit better. And sometimes I get to be inspired by things I find while out and about, in life, in the world. Like yesterday, when this black plastic bag stuck on a branch of a bursting magnolia tree turned out to be the perfect metaphor for me. And what kind of crazy person would turn down a good metaphor! Oh my, no. Metaphors go places!
Thank you, always, for simple. *big loves*
Heidi
Heidi Fischbachs last blog post..The Point.
Thank you Havi, for this. It’s come at a very timely time, as I stand overwhelmed by the shear volume of changes I think I’m going to have to make over time. I shall just make them one at a time.
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Thank you for this. I love your stuff. I am starting to understand myself better because of you, and I have been so much happier. I just wanted to say thank you.
Whoa.
Get it? (I often get overwhelmed by all the feelings I have when I read a great post and all the things I want to say, and that happened this time, so then I just said to myself, if you could say only one word in response to this post, what would it be?
🙂
For me, it speaks volumes.
Stephs last blog post..Green Thumb
Whoa.
Get it? I often get overwhelmed by all the feelings I have when I read a great post and all the things I want to say, and that happened this time, so then I just said to myself, if you could say only one word in response to this post, what would it be?
🙂
For me, it speaks volumes.
Stephs last blog post..Green Thumb
Sorry. I commented twice. You can delete the first one.
Stephs last blog post..Green Thumb
I LOVE THIS.
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I LOVE THIS. I will use it!
Susies last blog post..fitsandgiggles: Who else is glad that My Best Friend’s Wedding was on TBS tonight?? That movie is such a classic, I repeat, SUCH A CLASSIC.
I really enjoyed this post. It reminds me a lot of a technique my wife and I use that we call doing things ‘one dish at a time’. It started as a way to get ourselves to do dishes (just one dish… once you’ve done that one, the next one seems less daunting), but has ballooned into an idea we use for lots of things.
Wow. I really, really needed this. I get so overwhelmed by “everything.” But I just need to decide the next thing, and that’s it. Thanks Havi.
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Havi;
Great post, I’m a big fan! I tried it out for myself and ended up writing a blog, working out, and studying (that’s normally like four days’ worth of stuff). I’m on my way to productivity.
BTW, I expanded upon your ideas a bit on my own blog, and applied them to business productivity. Check it out at http://www.nickthacker.com/2009/05/one-thing/
Nick Thackers last blog post..One Thing
Reading this post, and noticing the date on it, it would be tempting to say “Wow, I wish I’d read this 2 years ago!”. Except, much like Dorothy finding her way home from Oz, I had to learn it for myself. But I still love knowing that it’s not just me that operates best this way. Thanks for that 🙂